K.C., Ernie...
Got some exciting news.
They finally made "Y" an official fulltime vowel?
You got my face tattooed on your back
to prove your undying love for me?
There was a mix-up at the hospital,
now the traveling circus family wants Ernie back?
No.
And we'd never let them take you back.
I'm kidding.
The organization has chosen us
to try out some new spy gadgets.
Awesome. Mm-hmm.
Whoo.
Is that the new rapid-fire dart gun?
I hear it's dartastic.
K.C., careful with that.
What?
How hard can it be to operate a dart gun?
I once fired a surface-to-air missile blindfolded.
Okay, I can see that you did not know about that.
( cell phone ringing )
Oh, no.
Is that the organization?
No, it's my friend needy Mindy.
Hey, Mindy!
What do you need?
Mom said not to touch that.
No, she said be careful.
Besides, I mean, what could possibly happen?
Ah!
My butt! My butt!
My beautiful butt!
Ernie, I am so sorry.
It was an accident.
I just kind of picked it up like this and then...
Ah!
Just put it down!
Ah!
Ooh, my bad.
My butt.
Man, that thing is like a cheek-seeking missile.
♪ Oh, when danger comes for you ♪
♪ You know I'll stand beside you ♪
♪ 'Cause ain't nobody keep their head so cool ♪
♪ I always find a way, a way out of the fire ♪
♪ But don't tell nobody, tell nobody ♪
♪ I'm not perfect, so many things I ♪
♪ Want to tell you, but I ♪
♪ I keep it undercover ♪
♪ Living my life on red alert ♪
♪ Doing my thing, gonna make it work ♪
♪ Know I'm the realest, baby, I'm fearless ♪
♪ But I always got your back ♪
♪ Nobody can do it like I can ♪
♪ I got to find out who I am ♪
♪ Ain't got to worry about me ♪
♪ It's all part of the plan ♪
♪ I keep it undercover ♪
Come on. Marisa, let's play some hoops.
Please, the only hoops that I'm interested in
are of the earring variety.
Besides, if you want to get your heart rate up,
just go to a Channing Tatum movie.
Marisa, basketball settles me, okay?
It gives me confidence.
When you sink that three-pointer...
it's like boom!
The whole world makes sense.
Gee, I still don't get it.
It's like...
when your hairdresser gives you the perfect balance of
highlights and lowlights.
Oh, that is like boom!
Hey!
This is our court.
Larry bird legs.
Hoo.
Yeah? Well, your court is adjourned.
You may approach the bench.
Ooh...
I mean it, we came to ball.
Oh, well, then grab some tissues
and go bawl somewhere else because we ain't moving.
Ooh!
See?
Nothing but net.
Nothing but luck.
Luck? You know what?
I'll show you luck.
You and me one-on-one, let's go right now.
( cell phone beeps )
Oh, I got to go right now.
What?
Did your mommy call?
No!
She texted.
Well, run on home to mom's.
I bet she has more game than you.
You talk about my mom's? You talking about my mom's!
You know what, no one talks about my mom's, that's it!
Okay?
You and me, Friday, 3 o'clock.
We'll see who's got game.
Yeah, you heard her.
You guys are nothing but candy wrappers,
empty cans and dirty napkins!
What?
I'm trash talking.
You poor baby,
I brought you some coco and marshmallows. STYLE ::cue(.speaker) ::cue(.speakerTop)
Let me do that for you.
Mom, I can pick up the remote myself.
I don't want you lifting a finger
until you're all healed.
Okay.
If taking care of me makes you feel better,
would you mind peeling my cheese sticks into strands,
the stringier the better.
Hey, Mom, I got your text.
What's this last minute mission about?
There's chatter about a possible break-in
at the federal reserve, we have to go check it out.
I wish I could go,
but crazy fingers over there
just had to put some extra holes in the seat cushion.
And since Ernie can't sit in the van.
K.C., I'll need you to fill in for him
and guide me through the tunnel system
under the building.
Let me give you some pointers.
When you're in the van, you need--
Oh, please, how hard can it be?
I mean, you do it.
Hey, guys, I'm E-Ernie.
What is going on?
Beepoo-beepoo-beepoo-beep.
It's time to bake the biscuits!
K.C., are you doing an Ernie impression?
Pssh.
No.
All right, Mom, you got two targets heading your way.
In 10 feet, make a right and go down the corridor.
Okay, turning the corner.
Uh, you got company at 3 o'clock.
Boom!
Not anymore I don't.
( chuckles )
Oh, man, where did they come from?
What's that?
Uh, you got two guys 30 paces behind you.
All right, which way do I go? Left or right?
Um, let me check.
Uh, go straight.
There is no straight, there is a wall.
Left or right, K.C.?
Uh, wait a minute.
I don't have a minute.
What do I do? Left or right?
Go left and-- no, right--
No, left, yes, left.
I'm sure of it.
( beeping )
Mom?
What happened to Mom?
She looks like my rear end feels.
Yeah, I accidentally sent her into enemy fire.
Why are you so determined to destroy this family?
Look, don't give me a hard time, okay?
I messed up.
Usually when I'm under pressure,
I'm at my best but today I just...
I fell apart.
Honey, it's not a big deal.
I managed to take cover and I took them down.
But what about the ringing in your ears?
I said I managed to take cover and I took them down!
Mom, please, punish me, okay?
Just take away my TV.
The one you never watch! Make me read.
More than you already do.
Don't let me go to a party this weekend.
You don't go to parties.
Well, then make me go to one and have the time of my life!
Mom, you have to punish me.
K.C., get over yourself.
This happens to agents all the time.
You should have seen what happened
with your father and me on our honeymoon.
KIDS: La-la-la-la-la-la-la...
I mean on a mission where we posed as honeymooners.
I'm the one who came up with the idea of him
hiding in a barbecue pit.
How was I supposed to know there was gonna be
a luau that same night?
Long story short,
you forgive and you forget.
I still think I deserve to be punished.
I'm sending myself to my room with no dinner.
But, K.C.--
But nothing, Mother.
I need to think about what I've done.
Hey.
Oh, you didn't have to buy me lunch.
I didn't. They're both for me.
I just could not decide what to pick.
I stood there so long, my baby carrots hit puberty.
Since when can't you make a decision?
I totally messed up on this mission,
I sent my mom into danger.
I mean, she's fine but it was a really close call.
So your mom's mad at you? No.
You got grounded? No.
In fact, I asked her to punish me and she wouldn't.
You asked her to punish you?
Here's a hint, honey.
When you do something wrong and you get away with it,
you quietly high five yourself and then move on.
Just ever since that mission, I have lost all my confidence.
I can't make the simplest decisions.
I have no swag.
I'm un-swagged, de-swagged,
swag-free, minus-swag,
swag-less, swag-light.
Man, I can't even pick my swag deficiency!
This is great news.
Excuse me?
K.C., you're always, underline that,
always there to help me and now I get to help you.
And how exactly are you gonna do that?
How should I know? I've never been in this situation before.
I'm flying blind here.
Wait. I know. STYLE ::cue(.speaker) ::cue(.speakerTop)
Where are you when you're at your best?
You can do this.
Go, Kace!
I believe in you.
Okay, do you believe in being quiet?
( sighs )
I can't believe this.
One messed-up mission and I can't do anything.
What if, for the rest of my life,
I'm nothing but an insecure, indecisive puddle of nerves?
Then you'll be exactly like every other teenager.
Marisa? Who are you kidding?
You walk into a party all like...
"Hey, I'm Marisa. What's the haps?"
"Who's ready to party?"
"That blouse, lo-ove."
"Hey, cutie, I'm not gonna ask myself out
so, toot-toot, let's get on this love train."
True.
That's me on the outside.
But on the inside, I'm thinking,
why am I sweating so much?
I'm wearing the wrong thing.
This guy will never like me.
And who says "toot-toot let's get on the love train"?
Really, that's-- that's how you feel inside?
Yes.
But no one knows that
because the key to having confidence
is to fake it till you make it.
You're right. Fake it till you make it.
Man, I can't even make it when I fake it.
Mom!
I'm hungry!
( ringing )
( honking )
Coming, honey!
Here's your dinner.
Thanks, Mom.
Hmm.
Meatloaf.
Oh.
Meatloaf.
What's wrong with meatloaf?
Nothing. I really appreciate it.
But I was kind of in the mood for...
turkey tetrazzini.
But I didn't make turkey tetrazzini.
Oh.
Could ya?
All right!
Enough is enough.
It's time for some physical therapy.
You need to get off your gluteus maximus.
But, but...
Exactly.
Your butt butt.
( Ernie groaning )
Oh, I am so sorry.
Okay...
maybe I could whip up a little turkey tetrazzini.
Thanks, Mom.
Hey, before you go, would you mind
changing the channel for me?
Anything for my baby.
Not that channel.
Wait, go back.
No, not that channel.
Man, I totally forgot we have to do speeches today.
I just hope Miss Fischer doesn't pick me first.
Miss Fischer, K.C. would like to go first.
What do you think you're doing?
Boosting your confidence.
Well, could you do me a favor
and boost somebody else's confidence?
Stop it.
You'll need to do something you're great at
to remind yourself how fantastic you are.
And no one is better at giving speeches.
Get up there, you've got it in the bag.
You're right.
I've got it in the bag.
I've got it in the bag, huh.
Okay?
Hey, everybody.
Um, I will be talking about the industrial revolution.
Well, today we enjoy many of the modern conveniences,
uh, that, um, the-- the--
mo-modern conveniences that-that...
( heart pounding )
( gulps )
( boys laughing )
Well, you definitely got it in the bag.
"Make sure exploding broach is fully charged before using."
"Warning: Wearing product in shower
may result in permanent damage."
To the brooch or to me?
And who wears a brooch in the shower?
Where are you supposed to pin it? STYLE ::cue(.speaker) ::cue(.speakerTop)
Hey, Mom, what's crackalackin'?
Ooh, someone's in a better mood.
That's because for the first time
since that mission I've finally made a decision.
And I decided
I'm not gonna be a spy anymore.
Interesting...
because here's what I do when I can't make a decision.
I don't make a decision.
K.C., seriously,
give yourself a break.
You might feel differently in a day or two.
No, Mom, I am 100% positive
that this is the right thing to do.
Or it's not.
Ooh, now my crackalackin' is just...
lacking.
( beeping )
Did you just hit that brooch?
Yeah, why?
No reason.
( explosion )
Well, the Goldfedders always did say
they wanted a pool.
At least now they got the hole.
( music playing )
Oh, Ernie!
How's my baby?
I wish I could say he was getting better but...
I can't lie to my own mother.
Not anymore, you can't.
What's that? Oh, nothing, honey.
Is there anything I can get you?
If it's not too much trouble, can you be a dear
and change all the light bulbs to the soft kind?
These are kind of hurting my eyes.
Oh, well, maybe you can discuss that with the doctor.
The what now?
The doctor.
I called a specialist and he's coming over
to fully examine your butt.
When you say "fully"...
I mean fully.
No nook or cranny will go unchecked.
Hey, I'm healed! It's a miracle!
I can walk!
Good, good.
Now you can walk yourself to your room
because you're grounded.
But first, go get me some turkey tetrazzini.
We don't have any more turkey tetrazzini.
But I suppose I could make some.
Could ya?
Marisa, I-- I got your text.
What's wrong?
Why would you think something is wrong?
Well, because your text said "Emergency,
I need your help...
now."
Oh, darn, autocorrect.
I meant to type "'sup?"
But hey, as long as we're here,
let's make some bouncy, bouncy
and weave some baskets.
Marisa, look, I really, really appreciate
you're trying to make me feel better,
but beating the worst basketball player ever
is not a confidence booster.
Oh, come on, it will be fun.
Let's do this.
Let's play some b-ball!
( cell phone beeping )
"I said I don't want to play
and if you don't stop dribbling that ball
I'm going to kick it at you."
Oh, darn, autocorrect.
I meant to type
"no, thank you."
Well, if it isn't Charles Barf-ley.
Your gonna barf in that basket
'cause the only thing I've seen you toss
is your lunch.
Okay, would you just leave me alone?
Okay, you can't make me feel like a loser
because I already do.
Hey, it isn't Friday yet,
but since you're here,
why don't I just mop the floor with you right now?
I told you I don't want to play you anymore.
That's cool.
You probably play like a girl anyway.
I play like a what now?
I said
you... play... like a girl.
( laughs ) Oh. Like a girl?
I play like a girl?
You bet I do, and this girl is going to school you
and the only thing I will be throwing up
this time is twos.
Whoo!
What does that mean?
Each basket is worth two points.
Whoo!
Let's do this, son!
Ooh-ooh. STYLE ::cue(.speaker) ::cue(.speakerTop)
( sighs )
Excuse me, does someone know the Heimlich
because I believe Mikal is choking.
And that is boom.
K.C., you did it, you beat him.
Ding, oh, wait, did you guys hear that?
I believe that was the sound of the elevator
because you're not on my level.
I am re-swagged,
swagged to the second power, swagalicious,
I have reclaimed my animal swagnatism.
And I couldn't have done it without you.
Wait, so I actually helped you?
Yes!
That's one for Marisa
and eleventy million for you.
But I'm catching up.
Um, maybe now it's the good time to ask,
What does "swag" mean?
Ooh, I'm K.C.
Ernie's job is so easy.
Beeboop-beeboop, blow up Mom.
Ahem! Ah!
How did you get in here?
You left the door unlocked, K.C.
What are you doing here?
I'm back.
K.C., is that you?
Yup, that's right, Mom. I got my swag back.
Well, then get your swag down here
and help your mama take out these bad guys.
Ooh.
This sounds like a job for the new rapid-fire dart gun.
( gun fires )
Ernie, I am so sorry, I didn't--
It's okay.
( tapping metal )
Dart-proof boxers.
I had a feeling you would be back.