Previously on The Royals.
Lucius, I'd like you to deliver this letter for me.
You're the only one I can trust.
I will see to it personally.
It's nothing personal, Captain Lacey.
And did you do as I asked?
The message was delivered.
Let's not say goodbye.
- Let's just say... - I love you.
- I'm Len. - Mandy.
Despite our best efforts to eradicate your cancer,
we need to remove a testicle.
You shouldn't have been on your feet after surgery like that.
My father had cancer. He was stubborn, too.
Now drink, and then get some sleep.
- Do you think they did it? - Of course they did.
We kill one of theirs, they kill two of ours.
Open the gate! The King is down!
Oh, no! No!
Er...
♪ It isn't all bad, it isn't all good...
Oh, this darn game's been driving me crazy all night.
You've been here all night?
- Mm-hm. - Why?
Because you were sick, silly.
Hey! You need to take care of yourself if you want to get well.
You want to get well, don't you?
I want to have a drink.
Good. Fresh pomegranate juice.
I'm not having pomegranate juice.
I'm having bourbon, and plenty of it.
I also made you some breakfast.
- What is it? - Turnips and rutabagas.
They're cruciferous, which is kind of a funny word when you say it.
Cruciferous. Try it.
- Cruciferous. - Cruciferous!
Okay.
Well, I'm happy that you're awake.
I'll let you get on and do your... kingly stuff.
Wait.
Stay.
I may need your assistance.
That is, if you'd like to stay.
I'd, uh, I'd like that.
Long live the king! Long live the king!
Wait here one moment.
Long live the king! Long live the king!
This monument will symbolize the good will
we feel here today.
king Simon loved the people.
He served them well,
and he will be remembered as one of, if not the
greatest ever to rule this kingdom.
Now there you have it.
As you can see, this afternoon's dedication
of His Majesty king Simon's commemorative monument
will be a raucous and celebratory moment for all.
♪ All that I'm holding in my hand, baby
♪ Is yours to take
♪ All that I'm holding in my hand, baby
♪ It's yours to shake It's yours to shake
♪ It's yours to shake
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
Long live the king!
♪ Didi, I just saw the wildest thing...
James?
Would you please bring me some...
♪ Just walk into the ocean...
Thank you.
♪ Nothing I could do
♪ Gone before I knew...
I'm sorry about Beckwith.
♪ I can't wait to see you...
It's my own fault. I don't know if you've realized,
but I'm kind of a hot mess.
May I speak freely, Your Highness?
You better.
♪ I'd never been so alone
♪ Till I read...
Most of the time, if you're aware of the problem
you can fix the problem.
- You say that you're a mess. - Yeah.
So maybe take some time to clean up the mess.
You mean the drugs.
If that's your biggest vice.
Yeah, well that or men.
So, pick one of the two and walk away for a while.
And do what?
Phone a friend?
- What happened? - Apparently it fell.
Probably threw himself off the wall.
- You look like shit. - Yeah, well, I feel worse than I look.
Considering the headlines,
I'm guessing I don't have to ask how it went with Ophelia.
You're a savvy agent, Jasper.
You learn anything about that symbol?
No, not yet.
I wanted to see how you'd feel
about me asking for Ted's help.
Ted's a good man. Do what you have to do.
It's Holden.
He says it's a surprise.
I can't do it, I'm hungover.
Those guys wear me out.
Awkward.
Look, James, a dinosaur. It looks just like you.
Hey!
Damn, girl, you're even foxier in the daylight.
Thanks.
This is my latest bodyguard, James.
James, this is the girl who will be responsible for the mayhem
that you get into trouble for this afternoon.
Kind of you to warn me in advance.
Right, James, we're off to the bog. Don't worry, we'll be right back.
- Are you out yet? - Not yet.
- Hurry up! - Okay. Wait.
Hurry up.
Go, go, go!
Urgh! Okay.
Oh!
- The tequila! - Heads.
Urgh!
Whatever you do, don't look up.
- Wow! - I told you not to look up!
It's the infamous royal beaver!
I knew I should have gone first.
Or possibly worn underpants. Nice wax.
Lasering. Thanks. Ooh!
Agh! Okay, here we go.
Go! Go!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
I'll give you a piggyback.
- Go, go, go! - Ahh!
You sure you don't want to change?
- I'm fine. - You don't look fine.
Just kick the ball.
Oh! Well done.
Oh, my God, I want to try it.
This whole stadium just for us?
My father bought into the team years ago.
It was a nice investment.
Okay, if you bitches kick it anywhere near my face,
I will destroy you through social media.
Alright, you ready?
- Not in the face! - Ivan! You didn't even try!
It's Eevon, I've changed it.
And, honey, you kicked it way over there.
Oh, my God, I hate this game.
Oh, my God, I love this game.
Oh, more flowers from your boyfriend?
That man, he just cannot get enough of me.
- Okay, I'm ready. - For what?
My new face! I want you to do it.
I want you to be the one to tell me.
Sure thing.
So, what did you go for anyway?
Well, I asked for Kate Upton's breasts,
Kate Beckinsale's arse,
and my face was a sort of
Grace Kelly/Marilyn Monroe combo, but with better lips.
Okay, Picasso.
Here we go.
Wait.
I'm really nervous.
Please say you'll still be my sister
if I end up looking like Melanie Griffith.
Of course I will be.
Anyway, I've always been the hot one.
Okay.
Is it bad?
Pen?
Is it terrible?
Do I look like Cher?
Your Majesty?
I want all the currency bearing his likeness
to be replaced and destroyed.
As you wish, Your Majesty.
However, it may take some time to eradicate
all the former currency from the palace.
Not from the palace, from England!
Your Majesty, I'm afraid you have another visit for...
Splendid.
That should be a ball.
Good luck.
You know, I'm supposed to be giving up one of my vices today. Dudes or drugs.
- Definitely dudes. - Yeah.
So, a hiatus from guys, huh?
Yeah.
#guyatus.
♪ And I take good care of you
♪ But you're heartless, you're heartless
♪ You turn it into your own...
Even though the cancer has metastasized,
we can be more aggressive with our approach.
Radiation and chemotherapy.
There are experimental drugs we can explore.
Don't give up hope. We can beat this thing.
♪ But I'll take care of your mind
♪ I lost you, I miss you, I wanna hold you
♪ So don't you deny it
♪ I lost you, I miss you, I wanna hold you
♪ Come back
♪ Ooh, I miss you, I wanna hold you
♪ Come back, come back...
I saw you picking up the money.
You're just like the rest of them.
The money is here. All of it.
And I stacked it with King Simon facing down
so you wouldn't have to see him.
♪ I take good care of you
♪ But you're heartless, you're heartless
♪ So rest your head and fear my eyes
♪ For they won't come inside
♪ Cry me a river, spin...
I've been thinking about what you said
about giving up guys.
Crazy, huh? Could you do it?
Absolutely. Relationships are difficult.
Especially when you feel like you're never enough.
I hate that.
Feeling like you're a disappointment to someone.
What are you thinking about right now?
My dad.
How much I miss him.
♪ Come back, come back ♪
You said the Prince was wearing this when he woke up.
How is that possible?
Because he was black-out drunk, sir.
There's this thing called moderation. You kids should try it.
And apart from this initial occasion, there's been no other contact?
No, not as far as I can tell.
Okay, I'll look into it.
I'll let you know if I find anything.
Mr. Moorefield, you look a fright!
I'd offer you some tea, but I don't care to.
I can't do this, seduce the princesses.
One is completely dim
and plying me with the most unfortunate selfies,
and the other one, well, who knows what she's gonna look like
when she emerges from the mummy's tomb?
You can and you will.
We need hard evidence to prove those dum-dums are unfit. Every selfie helps.
I understand, but I can't.
I won't.
Hi, my love.
It's me, Maribel. Do you still want me?
It's supposed to be a secret.
Ssh.
Okay, I'll do it.
It's reprehensible what you're doing.
Your Majesty, if you're speaking of your daughters...
I couldn't care less about those drunken mistakes.
I'm referring to your actionable behavior toward me.
Your Majesty, I respect your right to defend the Crown.
But I would hope that you would also respect the fact
that not everyone supports your reign.
Let me get this straight.
You come into my house,
you do whatever the hell it is you're doing to my daughters,
and you ask me to respect you?
Why on earth would I do that?
The previous king did.
Moorefield, you're absolutely right.
I know that many of you here today
loved and supported my brother, just as I did.
But in this day and age, it's important that we respect
and encourage all ideologies.
To some, this monument is divisive.
It represents an institution they don't believe in.
So, as a unifying gesture to all,
both monarchists and anti-monarchists,
the unveiling of this monument is hereby canceled.
No!
I know my brother would support this.
Honoring his desire to include all points of view
is the true tribute... to his legacy.
- You son of a bitch! - Oh, here we go.
How could you be so threatened by a dead man
that you can't allow his name on a piece of glass?
And how could you be so threatened by me
that you would conspire
to have me removed from my throne?
Changing the order of succession
so you can then have me eliminated?
Is that what this is? I told you
I didn't give a shit about your reign and I don't!
We both know you won't be around for long anyway.
What's that supposed to mean?
It means you're a cancerous dead king walking.
Which also means there's a God.
Get out! Or I'll have you removed by palace guards!
You listen to me, little man! The monument is going to happen!
No, it isn't! And for your information,
the King sort of runs things around here!
Oh, do you really believe that?
Because you don't. I do.
I put you on the throne.
And I humiliated myself with the paternity scandal.
And now you're trying to rehabilitate your image
with this monument.
It's no wonder you had them make it out of glass,
it's all so transparent!
This monument will stand for the rest of time.
Or, so help me God,
cancer will be the least of your worries.
Interesting address.
- Take it away. - You need it if you want to get well.
- I'm not getting well. - You're not even trying.
I don't know why you're wasting your time with me.
I'm not wasting my time.
- Maybe I find you... - Pathetic.
...attractive.
You realize I have testicular cancer?
There's probably nothing working down there anyway.
Eat your turnips.
They're cruciferous.
Looks to me like everything's working just fine.
This monument is hereby canceled.
Ladies and gentlemen! Ladies and gentlemen!
The dedication has been canceled.
Please disperse in an orderly fashion.
Now, I heard you were all throwing a party.
I know what King Cyrus said today.
And while I agree with the spirit of what he had to say
about respecting everyone's point of view,
I don't think for a second his intentions were sincere.
King Simon was a great man.
You know it, I know it,
and the men who've been instructed to guard this monument know it.
I can't fault them for doing their job,
but what I'm gonna ask them to do
is to remember the man whose legacy was etched in that glass.
Remember what he stood for and what he stood against.
And remember how much he believed in all of us.
Yes!
If you don't believe in the monarchy,
if you don't support it, that's fine.
Some days I don't support it either.
But consider the man.
And ask yourself if he's worthy of being remembered.
Not just as a king, or a monarch...
...but as someone who believed in the great in Great Britain.
My father believed in you.
He believed in me.
He gave his life
to make his country and his family better.
Now, there are some brave men standing behind me,
but I'm gonna ask them to stand down and let me pass.
Because in your hearts,
you know the man deserves this monument.
He deserves a thousand monuments.
Long live Great Britain!
- Ssh. - Whoa.
Oh, yes. Not my finest moment right there.
I like it, actually.
- Great room. - Thanks.
Um... don't you have a drug problem?
Yeah, well, you know,
problems are meant to be solved, so...
...boys first, drugs later?
Alright.
Well, thanks for hanging out with me today.
Even though it was almost all completely touristy stuff.
Honestly, I've never taken the time to do any of those things before, ever.
- Really? - Yeah.
I blame, um, boys and drugs.
If I had known that
I could have had that much fun,
I would have ditched the guys ages ago.
Give me some of that.
- Here. - Mm-mm.
- Oh. - Um...
Oh. Hm. Oh, my God,
I completely misread that whole situation.
- No, it's okay. - No, no, it's not.
Mandy, honestly, it's fine, okay?
It's just...
Um...
I realized this morning when I was scrolling through my phone that
I really don't have a lot of friends.
I have my brother and I have the monarchy.
But I had a really fun day today.
Like, the best day I can probably remember, ever.
I just don't want to, um...
I feel like you're gonna be important to me.
Aw!
Important enough not to make out with me?
Come on.
Let's not get completely ahead of ourselves.
Okay, can I at least get a hug?
- Yeah, you can have a hug. - Okay.
I just... I'm... One minute, okay?
I'll be right back.
♪ We're the wild ones
Um, is everything okay?
Yeah.
Everything's surprisingly great.
For the first time in, like, a really long time.
♪ We howl to the moon
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Quite a day.
Have you come to beat me up again?
"Illegitimate bastard attacks cancer patient."
Go ahead and make your jokes. We both know the truth.
- What truth do we know? - No matter what you do,
no matter who you think you've become,
it will never be enough.
I'm the King of England, you little bitch.
It is enough.
Do you really think your speech today
makes you at all relevant?
You babbled a few cliches
to a brood of sentimental failures.
It wasn't about me. It was about reminding the world
how great our last king was.
And how far we've fallen.
Sucks about the cancer.
But let's face it, you've never had any balls anyway.
She keeps it over there.
I looked there. I think she's moved it.
She's crafty, your sister.
Unbelievable. It's my weed.
Stop being such a princess.
Didn't your mother teach you to share?
No.
I don't know why you're giving this to me,
I just came out here to get some fresh air.
Oh, for God's sake, give me the pot.
Don't look at me like that, you little brats.
You'll harsh my buzz.
I was proud of you, for how you handled yourself today.
The people were inspired.
No one from our family's done that since your father died.
Oh, wow, thank you, Mum.
Please, smoke my weed and insult me.
Oh, shut up. I was just trying to give your brother a compliment for once.
Yes, shut up.
Say no to drugs.
You know, I thought I knew what life would be like
for you both, and Robert.
But I think even I underestimated
just how isolating it would be for you.
For all of us.
No, I've been high all day.
You think we have it tough, take a look around.
People struggle all the time.
They do the very best they can and they fight to live another day.
We all do.
Yeah, but we do it from a palace.
You both have Simon's tenacity.
And his strength.
He was right, you know.
The only way to survive any of this is to choose love.
And to help each other.
Are you okay, Mum?
I'm just tired.
Shall we?
It's alright. I got it. Stay with me.
Stay with me. Stay with me.
Keep it...
I've got you. I've got you. I've got you.
Someone get me an ambulance now!
My God, you're huge!
Wait! Please?
Are you absolutely sure it's a boy?
Yes.
- Hello, James. - Princess.
I apologize for sneaking away today.
It's sort of an initiation for my security detail.
- I understand. - Okay.
Not your finest hour at the Albert Memorial.
But the Japanese tourists below you experienced quite the contact high.
Next time you need a little space,
just ask me, Your Highness.
Mr. Hill, there's a slight chance you might amuse me.
Night, Princess.
I hope you don't mind, I made myself more comfortable.
I don't mind at all.
I was just talking with my mum.
You mean the Queen of England?
That very one.
And what, pray tell, did the Queen of England have to say?
She was telling me to be happy
and to follow my heart.
Sound advice.
So does that mean that #guyatus is over?
♪ Spoiled, selfish little child...
No.
♪ Went out to play out in the wild...
I was happy when I saw you in my bed.
Trust me, baby, you're about to get a lot happier.
♪ I found you shaking like a leaf
♪ Underneath your family tree
♪ You could never live out in the open
♪ Regretting every word you've spoken...
You asked for me, Your Majesty.
I did. I'd like you to deliver this.
To Alistair Lacey.
I've decided I'd like to see him.
I told my children to choose love.
It's about time I did as well.
Yes, ma'am.
I expect I can trust you as I always have, Lucius.
Of course.
Implicitly.
♪ But you don't think you've done wrong
♪ You've been crying now for forever
♪ But forever's come and gone...
♪ My bleeding hands, your shaking head...
- You look beautiful. - Oh.
Will you still hang out with me now you look like that?
Of course.
Besides, like you said, you've always been the hot one.
Still are.
- Are you okay? - Stand down, you fool.
He's drunk. Call the authorities.
Mate, you have to stay here.
I don't have to do shit!
I'm the goddamn King of England.
♪ You keep begging for forgiveness...
You don't like me, do you?
So be it.
You don't have to.
But guess what?
I don't have to like you either.
Boom.
Mr. Pryce!
Please, one member of your family is already dead,
let's not make it two.
What concern of that is yours?
The museum, my wife?
Because... when you re-face history...
...not simply exact revenge,
not simply amend injustice,
but when you intend, as we do,
to assure that books will be rewritten
and a family name will become synonymous
with the iniquity and wickedness it represents for the rest of time...
...you need allies, Mr. Pryce.
You need men who understand your loss
because they've known the same pain you've known.
And you have, because of them.
Because of that family.
It was you, wasn't it?
You killed Simon.
No, I didn't kill the King of England, Ted.
But we both know... you did.
♪ But forever's come and gone
♪ You keep begging for forgiveness
♪ But you don't think you've done wrong
♪ You've been crying now for forever
♪ But forever's come and gone
♪ My bleeding hands, your shaking head...
♪ So tell me another beautiful lie
♪ Tell me everything I want to hear
What are you doing here?
I asked you a question.
What are you doing here, Samantha?
♪ And I have seen all that you have seen...
Just finishing what we started, baby.
♪ And I have been where you have been
♪ No, our hands will never be clean
♪ At least we can hold each other ♪