Okay, don't take this
the wrong way, but, um,
you guys look...
[sniffs]
and smell like garbage.
Oh, there's an explanation.
We just came from
the doctor's office.
Today was our yearly checkup.
Oh.
That makes sense.
No, it doesn't.
How does going to the doctor
end up like... this?
Well, in order to really
understand,
we need to take you back
to when we were five.
We were on the way
to the doctor's office when we
saw the most beautiful thing we
ever seen.
[angelic chorus]
[kids]
Cookie tower.
- Looks good, doesn't it?
[kids]
Cookie tower.
We know going to the doctor's
office has always been a
challenge for you guys.
And us.
So how about we make you a deal?
[kids]
Cookie tower.
He told us if we made it
through that doctor's visit
without any incidents, they'd
buy us the cookie tower.
Ooh, how'd it taste?
We don't know.
Five years, five disasters,
and five doctors later, we still
haven't tasted the sweet,
sugary goodness
of the cookie tower.
[angelic chorus]
Would you guys
stop doing that?
Sorry.
Wait, so you've been banned
from five doctors?
Oh, we've been banned from
almost every doctor in town.
Dentists, podiatrists,
we've even been banned
from Dr. Waffles.
What is that, like,
a breakfast place?
No, she's a veterinarian.
But she does put out those
really dry, bone-shaped donuts.
Good thing she also puts out
a fresh bowl of water.
We're no longer welcome there.
But this year,
no crazy freak-outs
were gonna get in our way.
We've each had our issues, but
this time, we also had a plan.
Step forward and state
your problem.
Every time we go
to the doctor's office,
I read the medical pamphlets,
get convinced I have
all the diseases,
and freak out.
Solution?
Tablet full of vampire books
to distract me.
Vampires live forever
and never catch diseases.
Next?
Doctors offices are the center
of the evil germ universe.
Solution?
My antibacterial super-cape.
No evil germs are getting past
this flu-fighting fabric.
Next?
I have shy kidneys.
When the nurse gives me
that little cup to fill,
I get a drought in my spout.
Solution?
I pre-peed,
so I'm pee-pared.
Hey, I drink out of that!
That's okay.
I washed it out first.
Next?
State your problem.
We have four kids.
And we are about to see the last
good doctor within 50 miles
that hasn't banned us.
Solution?
Relax, breathe,
and make everyone believe
we are the perfect
model family.
Even if we have to make believe.
Sorry, Anne.
Ricky said he was too busy
to teach me how to tie a tie.
Stupid homework.
What about you, honey?
I have a little fear
of needles.
A little?
Last year, you scissor-kicked
the doctor, stiff-armed a nurse,
pushed a toddler off
a wooden pony and used it
as your getaway horse.
I would have gotten away clean
if that horse wasn't afraid
of stairs.
Solution?
Since there are no shots
scheduled this year,
I'll be fine.
Trust me, nothing's gonna
go wrong this time.
[chuckles]
You gotta make time
for me, Ricky!
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[man]
[whistling melody]
♪ ♪
[rhythmic clapping]
♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
[man]
[whistling melody]
♪ ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na, na-na ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na,
na-na ♪
- ♪ One, two ♪
- ♪ Na, na, na ♪
[man]
♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
So we had our plan, and it was
all going great
until we walked in
the waiting room.
Don't look at the pamphlets,
don't look at the pamphlets,
don't look at the pamphlets--
I gotta look at the pamphlets!
Mumps?
Why did I look
at the pamphlets?
- Okay, stay on target.
Smiles, everybody, okay?
Smiles.
- Hello, uh, Andrea.
- It's An-DRE-a.
There's an accent
over the "e."
Ooh, were your parents French?
Why, do you have something
against the French?
No, no, no, no, no,
not at all.
In fact, we are part French.
We are the "Harpairs."
- Well in that case,
avez-vous un rendez-vous?
- Huh?
I asked if you had
an appointment.
Ooh, ah--yes.
I mean, oui.
Wee-wee.
Anyway, we're all here.
- Minus my husband, who's
parking. What is taking him so
long?
- Okay, breathe. Relax.
- Model family.
- Right, okay.
So, will the wait be long?
Well, we're running
a bit behind.
One of our doctors went home
with the flu.
The flu?
It's here?
It's all around us.
They even have pamphlets on it!
- Uh, and we're gonna wait
over here.
- Try go get us in there quick.
- Okay.
Okay.
[clears throat]
Andrea, I don't mean
to be pushy,
but asking these four kids
to wait can get a little tricky.
Are you asking
for special treatment?
No! No, no, no.
Not at all.
But is that something that is
available to, say, moi?
And--and what is with
the sticker switch there?
[phone rings]
Dr. Miller's office.
- Wha--what do
the different colors mean?
- Mrs. Harper, please.
Okay, just where I'm from,
green is good and red is bad
and I see myself
as more of a green.
Yes, a lot of very difficult
cases today.
Am--am I a difficult case?
Is that what red means?
Okay, guys, focus.
The cookie tower is in sight.
Solutions ready?
[boys]
Ready.
[wheels squeaking]
Is that a--
It couldn't be a--
It is a!
[all scream]
Oh, no.
[all]
Oh, no.
So the painters were moving
a skeleton?
It was an educational skeleton.
His name is Boney Tony.
Even worse than that skeleton--
they put us in separate rooms,
so I couldn't help my brothers.
No pamphlets.
[heartbeat thumping]
[Ricky]
Ah!
Good morning,
I'm Dr. Miller.
And, uh, who do we have here?
Dawn Harper.
10, healthy, active,
love soccer, no allergies,
not my year for shots.
Are we done?
Done? We haven't even started
your exam yet.
Great! So, what do you want
to start with?
Blood pressure?
She's just trying
to move things along
so you can go see
her brothers.
Always thinking of other people.
That's how we Harpers are--
the perfect model family.
So, uh, new patient, huh?
What brought you to our office?
Well, it's not because
you're the last doctor
within 50 miles, if that's what
you're thinking.
- Why would I think that?
- Pfft!
Ooh, red sticker.
That's never fun.
- I knew it.
- Okay, Mom.
- Too much pressure.
- Tell me about it.
- I need your father.
- No, I'm serious.
Tom, I need you,
where are you?
[air hissing]
Still looking for parking, Anne!
It's a jungle out here!
The stupid mattress truck
is taking up half the spots!
I mean, do you really need
that many spots?
All right, all right.
I think this guy's leaving.
Come on, buddy, back out.
Back out, back out, back--
oh, he's pulling back in, Anne.
Why?
Why are you pulling back in?
No!
Life is so unfair!
Ooh, he's pulling back out
again.
Great, great, take it
and get up here, now!
"Physician parking only."
Only when?
Only when your wife is yelling
at you?
Works for me.
So after I got through my exam,
I blew up a latex glove
and made a little turkey.
[mimics turkey gobbling]
What?
Everyone deals with stress
in their own way.
Anyway, Mom went to go help
Ricky and Dicky
while I went to go help Nicky
battle the evil germs.
Better?
It could use a cape.
[sighs]
Ah, yes.
Thank you very much,
Cunninghams.
- Mom?
- [screams]
Oh!
Oh, my gosh.
Sorry.
How's Nicky?
Cookie tower, here we come.
How's your sticker problem?
Hmm.
Great work.
I'm off to see the whizzer.
- Those.
- Ahh.
This place
is a madhouse today.
I thought you called in
a replacement doctor.
I did. Dr. Fetoosh
was supposed to be here,
but he's running late.
I can't wait to meet him.
I hear he's quite the character.
Hey, hon.
Sorry I'm late.
Good thing that physician spot
was open,
so just call me Doctor.
That's it!
Ah, doctor!
- You're Dr. Fetoosh.
- I am?
Yes, and you're quite
the character.
Ooh.
Wait, why am I doing this
again?
They red-stickered our files,
Tom.
I'm no doctor,
but that can't be good.
You are a doctor,
which means you have access
to the files.
And if we don't change the red
sticker on that file to green,
they'll never let us
bring the kids back here.
Well, then, the doctor is in.
Oh!
Oh! [laughs]
Oh, Dr. Fetoosh.
- You are such a character.
- Ahh.
- Lovely meeting you.
- Oh.
Dr. Fetoosh, you're here.
Nice tie.
The kids are gonna love that!
Oh!
[laughs]
I did that on purpose...
'cause I am Dr. Fetoosh.
And I am quite the character.
Oh, is that the, uh...
the, uh, Harper file?
Yes, but let's start you off
with something easier.
[baby cries]
Oh, that is a real baby!
Dicky?
Anything happening in there?
[Dicky] No, my lemonade stand
is closed for business.
You know I'm not really talking
about lemonade, right?
I know.
Okay, do you need me to sing
the pee-pee song that Mom always
used to sing?
Oh, that'd be nice.
♪ Raindrops and waterfalls
the deep blue sea ♪
♪ These are the things
that help us go-- ♪
[Dicky]
It's not working!
Okay, Dicky, calm down.
I'm gonna get you through this,
trust me.
Nothing's gonna stop us
from getting that cookie tower.
I'm pregnant!
- What?
- I'm pregnant!
- You're not pregnant.
- Wait, who's pregnant?
- Me.
- Congratulations!
He's not pregnant,
he just read a pamphlet.
- Give me that.
- Easy, Dawn, I'm with child.
- You're not with child.
- I'm gonna be an uncle!
You're not gonna be an uncle!
Then who's gonna teach the
little guy how to ride a bike?
Okay, you go in there and get
your lemonade stand open.
- You know it's really not lem--
- Just get in there!
You come with me!
Calm down, Ricky.
You're not pregnant.
Then why am I so moody
and nauseous?
I think
it's the morning sickness.
Ricky, you're a boy.
You're right.
I'm a boy.
It's scientifically
impossible.
- Ow!
- What?
- I think it just kicked.
- You're not pregnant!
Okay, here, just focus on
the adorable puppy magazine.
I'm gonna go back
and check on Dicky.
Oh, and Mom said to take this
in case any of us
got nervous stomachs.
Ew, chalky.
[Ricky voice-over] All right,
puppies, calm me down.
Interesting.
Puppies can get rabies.
Huh?
People can get rabies.
People can get rabies?
One of the symptoms is foaming
at the mouth!
I'm foaming at the mouth!
I never want to see anything
like that again.
Here you go, Dr. Fetoosh.
Your next patient
is Ricky Harper.
Uh, where's the rest
of the file?
Oh, his entire
medical history is in there.
No, I'm talking about
the important part.
You know,
where the sticker is.
You know, you can tell a lot
about a patient
by the color of his sticker.
You're such a character,
Dr. Fetoosh.
Yes, I know.
I really need that file.
- I have rabies!
- He--he has rabies!
He has rabies!
Who has rabies?
Nicky?
We've gotta get out of here!
Someone has... rabies!
I did it!
- Rabies!
- Nicky!
No!
My precious!
- Help me!
- [screams]
Ah!
- Nicky!
- Stay away from me!
- Get back in here!
- No!
- He's got rabies!
- There's no rabies.
Come here.
- Ow!
- What about Ricky?
Don't be ridiculous.
He doesn't have rabies.
He's having babies.
Okay, neither of those things
are happening.
He just took some tablets
for his stomach
that made his mouth foam up.
Huh, that makes more sense.
But there's still
germs out there.
You know what else is out there?
A delicious dream
with our names on it.
Now, we may have lost
our tablet, our cape,
and my favorite water bottle...
but there's one thing
we haven't lost...
our burning love of cookies.
So, Nicky,
I have just two words for you.
[chanting]
Cookie tower.
[all chanting]
Cookie tower, cookie tower,
cookie tower, cookie tower!
So the power of the tower
helped Nicky
get through his exam...
[kids chanting]
Cookie tower, cookie tower,
cookie tower.
- You're good to go.
[kids cheering]
[Dawn]
And got Ricky through his.
[kids chanting]
Cookie tower, cookie tower,
cookie tower.
[both]
Yes!
And even got Dicky
back on track.
[kids chanting]
Cookie tower, cookie tower,
cookie tower, cookie tower...
[Dicky]
Yes! I'm filling it!
[kids chanting]
Cookie tower...
[Dicky]
A little too much.
I can't stop!
I need more cups!
Stop chanting!
Just use the toilet.
[Dicky]
Oh.
- Okay, Dicky, you're all set.
[kids cheering]
- We all passed.
- The cookie tower is ours!
Yes!
Woo-hoo!
Wait, honey, what happened
to your hand?
Oh, it's nothing.
Just a little cut from a nail
outside the window.
A nail?
Hmm.
Looks like you may need
a tetanus shot.
A shot?
But--but I'm not supposed
to have a shot.
There are no shots this year.
Don't worry, it won't hurt.
Okay, relax.
I can totally do this.
I'm fine.
She's getting on
the wooden horse!
- What happ--
- Oh, I'm sorry!
No, I, um--
Oh!
- Dawn, come on.
You're being ridiculous.
It's one little shot.
[chanting]
Cookie tower.
[boys chanting]
Cookie tower, cookie tower--
- That's not gonna work on me.
Dawn, come on, you were the one
who rallied us.
Yeah, if it weren't for you,
none of us would have gotten
through our exams.
Yeah, and since you helped us
get over our fears,
let us help you
get over yours.
Aw, guys, that's so sweet.
Not gonna work either.
We thought you'd say that.
So... get her!
[all]
Whoa!
Dawn, what did you do?
I don't know how
to work this thing!
Here!
Let me do it.
Uh-oh.
Now what are we gonna do?
There's no way to get back
in the window.
Looks like there's only one way
off this thing.
You want me to jump into
a germ-infested dumpster?
Without a cape?
No, onto the back
of that mattress truck.
- Better, but, nope.
- Me neither.
- No way.
- Come on, guys.
I'll make you a deal.
If we do this together,
I'll go back in there
and get that shot.
[boys]
Deal.
Okay, on the count of three,
I'm gonna pull this pin,
and out we go.
One, two...
- three!
[all scream]
So that's why you're covered
in garbage.
Yep.
After falling into a dumpster,
getting a shot was no big deal.
But if everything worked out,
where is this cookie tower?
Well, not everything
worked out.
Dad still hadn't gotten
the folder, but Mom had a plan.
So he says, "Doctor,
I need a second opinion."
So I say, "You're ugly too."
[laughter]
Oh, it's good to be a doctor.
[whispers]
Yes! Take that, Andrea.
Come on, let's go.
Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.
So sorry I'm late.
There was a broken down
mattress truck, and some jerk
parked his minivan
in my physician's spot.
I'm sorry, who are you?
I'm Dr. Fetoosh.
What do you mean?
He's Dr. Fetoosh.
- And he's quite the character.
- I am.
No, I'm Dr. Fetoosh,
and I'm quite the character.
Do your tie thing, Doctor.
Oh, oh, of course.
The kids love it.
No, the kids love this.
You're not a doctor, are you?
Well, according to
my parking space, I am.
Get out.
Oh, um, you should double-check
the Jarvis baby.
- Wow.
Hey, we're back.
Um, do you validate parking?
Unbelievable.
So this is just
a validation sticker?
Yes, green one's
for under an hour,
red's for anything longer
than an hour.
[both]
Ohhhh.
So for the sixth year
in a row,
we were banned
from a doctor's office.
But since Mom and Dad are why
we're never allowed back,
technically it wasn't our fault.
Which is why we finally get...
That!
[kids mimic
angelic chorus singing]
Oh, this is awesome!
And we don't have to go
to the doctor for another year.
- [sneezes]
- Oh, no.
This looks like a job
for Dr. Fetoosh.
I'll go get him.
- Look at these, guys.
- Oh, my gosh.
[all talking over one another]
[upbeat music]
[whistling melody]
♪ ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
- ♪