[upbeat music]
[both]
28, 29, 30.
Guess we're tied.
We got the same number
of Valentines.
Boom!
Read 'em and weep,
losers.
Looks like I won
the Valentime's contest.
Did you just say
Valentime's?
Yeah, that's what
it's called.
No, it's not.
It's Valentine's.
That's ridiculous.
It's the time
that dude Valen
comes and shoots people
with his bone and marrow.
It's bow and arrow.
Now you're just
making stuff up.
It's official.
I'm the big winner.
Check out what I got
from Mae.
[Mae on recording]
Mae you have
a happy Valentine's Day!
Mae you have
a happy Valentine's Day!
Just because you have
one really cool card
doesn't mean that you win.
Oh, really?
What do you think, Mae?
Dawn wins! Dawn wins!
No.
Dicky wins.
No.
Hey, look.
I found one more.
[Dicky and Dawn arguing]
You wrote that
to yourself.
Oh, you want to dance?
Let's dance.
[all shouting]
- Kids! Kids!
Stop fighting!
Mae, this is nothing
to smile about.
Um, Ms. Harvell?
Oh.
Sorry.
You know,
I think you're all losing sight
of what Valentine's Day
is all about.
It's about what you give,
not what you get.
Excuse me.
Delivery.
Oh, look what I get!
Are you Mrs. Grundle?
No, but I could be
Mrs. Delivery Man.
Like I said, kids,
it's not about what you get.
In fact, I am going to give you
all a little assignment.
[all groaning]
You don't need
to give us anything.
You know, we are so good.
I'd like you all
to make Valentine's Day
really special for someone
other than yourselves.
Then, Monday,
you'll give an oral report
on the effect it had
on that person.
Oh, yes, Mae.
You had a question?
Still not me.
I'm just gonna go
close the card.
[Ricky]
Yeah.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[man]
[whistling melody]
♪ ♪
[rhythmic clapping]
- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
[man]
[whistling melody]
♪ ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na, na-na ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na,
na-na ♪
- ♪ One, two ♪
- ♪ Na, na, na ♪
[man]
♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
Hey, Anne.
Are you pumped for
our big Valentine's Day sale?
Huh?
No, I'm not pumped.
There's nobody
in the store.
And you know why?
Everyone's out buying
candy and stuffed bears.
Honey, no guy
is dumb enough
to give his wife a treadmill
for Valentine's Day.
Not if we don't
make it look fun!
- Hmm.
[treadmill beeping]
Huh?
Fun, right?
Okay, that's
a little fast.
[beeping]
Slow it down.
[beeping and thumping]
Anne, a little help.
- Oh.
- [shouts]
[Anne]
Tom!
Oh!
Okay, let's just get
this Valentime's assignment
over with.
I guess we could just pick
a random customer in the store.
[cricket chirping]
We're all hearing
that cricket, right?
[Ricky]
Mm-hmm.
Oh, how about Josie?
She's always doing
nice things for us.
Plus, she looks
really bored, so--
- Yeah.
Oh.
Hey, guys.
[Dicky]
Hey, Josie.
You're always
so good to us,
so we want to return the favor
for Valentime's Day.
Seriously?
Is that not bothering
anybody else?
Oh, that's sweet
but not necessary.
I actually have
my first Valentine's date!
- Wilson finally asked you?
- Uh-huh!
[both squealing]
But we still want to do
something nice for you.
How about we help
get you ready?
We'll start
with the nails.
Why? What's wrong
with my nails?
I think she meant
your hair.
What's wrong
with my hair?
With all that makeup,
I don't think anyone
will notice the hair.
My makeup too?
Yeah, the whole thing's
a hot mess.
Oh, no.
I have so much work to do
for tomorrow night.
Tell your parents
I'm taking the night off.
All right.
Assignment done.
We didn't do anything.
We have to do something
for someone.
[cricket chirping]
Oh, maybe find a date
for the cricket.
[crunch]
Or not.
Face it, Tom.
Valentine's Day
is always a disaster.
It's our worst day
of the year.
- You're right, Anne.
I don't even know
why we try.
[sighs]
Stupid Valentine's Day.
[grunts]
[panting]
Oh, hey, kids.
- Hey, Dad.
- Hi, Dad.
- That's weird.
Mom and Dad don't like
Valentine's Day?
Come to think of it,
every year, all they do is
go to work,
come home angry,
and hang out with us.
Then that's
our assignment.
Give Mom and Dad
a Valentine's Day they'll like.
But to do that, first we have to
find out why they don't like it.
[popping]
[pop]
And fast.
[Dawn]
All right, spread out.
There's got to be
something in there
that'll help us figure out why
Mom and Dad hate Valentine's
Day.
[Dicky]
Oh, guys, I found something.
Bubble wrap!
[all]
Yeah!
[popping]
Whoo.
[Ricky]
[sighs]
All right, now that we got
that out of our systems,
keep looking.
Hey.
I bet there's something
in this box
marked "Lovey-Dovey Stuff."
[Dawn]
Oh. Ooh.
Here are a bunch
of old Valentine's cards.
See?
Mom and Dad don't hate
Valentine's Day.
Oh, and here's
some love letters.
[groans]
Pictures of them kissing.
[gags]
[Dawn]
Oh, and here's something
dated February 14, 2004.
That's Valentine's Day
from right before we were born.
[all]
Whoa!
What is that thing?
I'm not quite sure.
[rattling]
- Where's the "on" button?
There isn't one.
It's a videotape.
A video what?
Dad comes up here
with a case of root beer
and watches his old ice dancing
competitions on this TV.
That's a TV?
I put a burrito in there
last week.
No wonder it didn't cook it.
Whoa, it swallowed it.
Okay.
Here we go.
[chuckles softly]
[gasps]
There they are, Tom.
[Anne]
All four of them.
[Tom]
Wow, this is really happening.
We're having quadruplets.
You know what this means, Tom?
Valentine's Day is ruined.
Forever.
[Tom]
It sure is.
I can't believe this.
This is our fault.
We ruined Valentine's Day
for Mom and Dad.
We got to fix this.
Listen, I don't want to be
the voice of reason here,
but we have
an assignment due Monday.
This is
our assignment.
We're gonna give
Mom and Dad
back the love of Valentine's Day
that we took from them.
Let's do it.
Yeah, time to save
Valentime's.
Okay, I've got
a new assignment for you.
Learn how to say
Valentine's
with an N.
Tine.
Tine!
Let it go, man.
It's just
one letter.
[Dicky]
The TV's throwing up.
[Dawn]
Ew.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
I hope
my Valentine's date
is as romantic
as this.
Your parents
are gonna love it.
I hope so.
There's a lot
riding on it.
Yeah, our grade.
Since when do you care
about grades?
Huh, you're right.
I don't.
Hey, this is
about rekindling
Mom and Dad's
Valentine's Day flame.
And getting a good grade.
What is wrong with me?
Here they come.
Assume romance positions.
Oh, oh, oh!
Finally, Valentine's Day
is almost over.
Ugh, only a couple more hours
till we can put
this holiday in the ground
and shovel some dirt on it.
[all]
Happy Valentine's Day!
Kids?
Look at
our four little cupids!
Oh, I think
you mean five.
[laughing]
Thank you!
What is all this?
We just wanted to do
something special for you two
on Valentine's Day.
So welcome to the Harper
House of Love restaurant
and cafe, bistro,
and lounge.
We couldn't decide
on a name.
I think that name
is perfect.
- It's working.
- Totally.
Okay, thanks
for all your help, Josie,
but it's getting
really late.
You better go get ready
for your date.
I am ready.
[all]
Oh.
Is it my hair?
My nails? My clothes?
Let's just say
the mess is still hot.
May I show you
to your table?
- Indeed.
- Thank you.
We have you seated
in the love section.
And while you enjoy
your four-course meal--
Three of which
involve chocolate--
The food of love.
[Dawn]
Why not take a magical stroll
down memory lane?
I present: Mom and Dad's
Book of Love Notes,
Scrapbooks of Memories,
Chronicles
of Questionable Hairdos,
and Icky Love Stuff.
[Tom]
Oh.
We couldn't decide
on a name
for that either.
[Dawn]
And while you look through that,
we'll get your next course.
Hint:
it involves chocolate.
The food of love.
Wow.
The kids really put
a lot of work into this.
Oh, honey, look.
It's our first
ice dancing competition.
Look at
that gorgeous hair.
- Oh, thank you.
- I was talking about me.
I miss it so much.
Guys, it's working.
We're rekindling the flame.
[Anne]
Huh, what is this?
"I love you.
Love, A."
Who's A?
You're A.
No, no, no.
I'm an A, but I'm not this A.
[gasps]
Is this from Angela?
Who's Angela?
Your first girlfriend.
Oh, Angela.
Mm-hmm.
Tom, why would you
keep a love letter
from an old girlfriend?
[Dawn]
Uh-oh.
Honey, I swear, I thought
I threw that out.
[crumpling]
[sighs]
Let's see
what other beautiful memories
we have in here.
[gasps]
No, bup-bup-bup-bup-
bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.
Bup.
Isn't this a picture
of your old boyfriend?
[with deep voice]
Fireman Mike.
Have you seen
how cute the dog is?
[Dawn]
Oh, we're losing them.
What are we gonna do?
Teach them
how to throw stuff out?
I got this.
Chocolate fixes everything.
[as Mr. T]
I pity the fon-dude
that don't eat this fondue.
[Dawn]
Who wants to be the first
to dip their strawberry
in melted chocolate?
I could've been
a fireman too, Anne,
but you know I have
a fear of Dalmatians.
Well, you certainly
don't have a fear
of keeping old letters
from A.
This isn't working.
Looks like it's time
for Valen to work his magic.
Not a real person,
but just do it.
[thwacks]
[shouts]
Ow!
[grunts]
[gasps, screams]
Hot chocolate!
[both shouting]
Hot wax! Hot wax!
- Oh, no!
- [shouting]
[ripping, grunting]
[all gasp]
[gasps]
[screams]
Well, this couldn't
get any worse.
[fire crackling]
[both scream]
The couch!
I think we rekindled
the wrong flame.
- [shouts]
- Somebody help me.
Wait, what do we do?
[indistinct radio chatter]
Wow.
That is hot.
I'm standing
right here, Anne.
No, no.
I meant the couch.
Mm.
We've seen a lot
of Valentine's disasters,
but...wow.
[Dicky]
We tried to give Mom and Dad
something special,
but all we did was ruin
their Valentime's.
Excuse me.
[screams]
Sorry.
You were saying?
[Dawn]
[sighs]
Guys, Dicky's right.
We're the problem.
We always have been.
The nicest thing we can do
for Mom and Dad
is leave them alone
for the rest of the night.
She's right.
It's the only way to fix this.
[sighs]
I'll write them a note.
[Dawn]
Sorry we ruined Valentine's Day.
We're leaving.
Be back later.
[sighs]
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
Oh, what a great way
to do your assignment.
Four little angels
spreading Valentine's love.
[Dawn]
I don't know about love,
but we spread something.
Mostly fire
and hot wax.
We kind of destroyed
our parents' night.
And our couch.
Could we stay here
for a while?
[laughs]
Hi, kids.
[all]
Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Valentine.
They wanted to know
if they could hang out with us.
Hey, join us.
What better way
to spend Valentine's
than with the Valentines?
Don't you mean Valentimes?
The Valentimes.
That's it!
[thwacks]
[cat meows]
[Mae]
Debbie!
[Mrs. Valentine]
Oh, no!
She's never
been outside before!
She's heading
towards the dog park!
[dogs barking]
[cat yowls]
[Mr. Valentine]
Ooh, it's officially the worst
Valentine Valentine's ever!
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[panting]
[grunting]
- Tom!
- Hold on, Anne.
I'm just making sure the fire's
out underneath the couch
that I easily picked up,
just like the fireman.
[chuckles]
The kids ran away.
Huh?
[shouts]
I think I located
Dawn's phone.
- Come on!
- [grunts]
[grunts]
[whimpers]
Tom!
[Anne]
[grunts]
[Tom]
How are you doing this?
[Anne]
Fireman Mike taught me.
[Tom]
That hurts more
than my foot, Anne.
No way.
You ordered us
the Leaning Tower of Pizza?
That's so romantic.
And if we finish it
in 30 minutes,
it's free!
[with Boston accent]
You also get a car key chain
that says,
I gobbled down the tower
at DiPietro's Wall Oven Pizza.
Okay, I didn't understand
one word of that,
but I'm having
such a good time.
[Dicky]
Oh, there she is.
She's already on her date.
We can't bother her.
But we need the keys
to the store.
Come on.
Eat faster.
I got this.
[thwacks]
Um...you just got shot
in the head with an arrow.
- This is how
they get you.
Keep focused.
I want
that car key chain.
[scoffs]
Uh, excuse me
one second.
Hey, guys.
What are you doing here?
Wow.
So that's what you went with?
What's wrong with it?
[all]
Nothing!
Okay, look.
We're sorry
for interrupting your date,
but we need your keys
to the store.
Why?
We're cursed.
We're like
a black hole
that sucks the love
out of Valentine's Day.
So we need to get away
from people for a little while
before we destroy
anyone else's special day.
Wait, cursed?
Don't be silly.
There is no such thing
as a curse.
[cat meows]
[shouting, barking]
What is this, a dog park?
Hey, watch out
for the wall oven.
It'll scorch you.
Oops.
Okay, maybe you are
a little cursed.
Have you guys
seen Debbie?
Debbie!
[Mr. Valentine]
Stay away from our cat!
[barking, meowing]
[panting]
Kids, are you okay?
[Dawn]
Mom, Dad,
don't come near us!
Why did you run away?
We're cursed!
We've been going
door to door,
destroying love
wherever we go.
We've ruined
Valentime's Day for you
every year
since we've been born.
Did he say "time's"?
You haven't
ruined anything.
Mom, you don't have to lie.
We saw the tape.
The one from when
you were preg-meant with us.
You mean pregnant?
You guys wanted
to have us, right?
Of course we did.
So you meant
to be preg.
Preg-meant.
Anyway,
we heard you guys say
we ruined Valentine's Day
forever.
[both]
Oh.
Did you hear us say
anything else?
No, we turned it off.
Okay, well,
why don't we go home
and watch the rest
of the tape?
So many spots.
[whimpers]
Ow. Ow. Ow.
Carry me, Anne!
[Anne]
Come on.
[Tom]
All right.
Everybody,
grab a root beer.
[Anne]
[clears throat]
I think
there's a little bit more
on this tape
that you need to see.
[Tom]
Wow, this is really happening.
We're having quadruplets.
You know what this means, Tom?
Valentine's Day is ruined.
Forever.
[Tom]
It sure is.
No Valentine's Day could ever
possibly live up to this one.
I'm so happy, Tom.
[Tom]
[laughs]
Me too.
In fact,
I am four times happier
than I ever thought
I could be.
[all]
Aw!
[all]
Ew!
[Tom]
And that is why we don't
celebrate Valentine's Day.
Any gift we gave
each other
would be nothing
compared to you guys.
So we're not cursed.
We didn't ruin Valentine's Day.
Of course you didn't.
You're not even mad
about the eyebrow?
Nah, nothing a little
black marker can't fix.
Huh?
-Um...
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
And then, after our parents
showed us a videotape,
it all made sense.
We all know
what you're gonna ask.
This is a videotape.
It's how they used to watch
movies in the olden days.
[all]
Ooh.
[Dawn]
So what we learned
from all this is,
Valentine's Day
isn't about
who gets the most cards
or candy.
It's about showing
the people you care for
how much they mean
to you.
Even if you end up
with a burnt couch.
And a lifetime ban from
DiPietro's Wall Oven Pizza.
And what I learned is,
Valentime's Day
is actually called
Valentine's Day.
Thank you.
Well, on to Paint Patrick's Day.
And before
we know it, it'll be time
for the Easter Buddy.
I'm just kidding.
April Foods!
Excuse me.
[Ricky screams]
- ♪ ♪
- [whistling melody]
♪ ♪
- [vocalizing]
♪ Yeah ♪
[vocalizing]
♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪