All right,
four PBJs,
three with no crust
for the boys,
and one weirdly with extra crust
for Dawn.
What?
I like to make crustaches.
I give you
Sir Isaac Gluten.
[applause]
Hey, guys, your dad and I
have to work late,
so Tanya is gonna pick you up
and babysit you tonight.
[all groaning]
Come on.
Not Tootin' Tanya.
Hey, she can't help
that she makes those sounds.
Those aren't the only
sounds she makes.
She's got a clicky ankle,
a poppy knee,
and there's always something
sloshing around in there.
[both shivering]
And she has underarm hairs.
That's acceptable
in some cultures, buddy.
In a plastic bag?
She knits things from it.
[all shivering]
Sorry, kids, but Tanya
is the only one
who can survive
the quad-nado.
Remember Pushover Paige?
Are you sure this is
what your parents meant
by "Sundae dinner?"
- [growling]
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Or Easily
Hypnotized Harry?
You will take us
to the movies.
I will take you
to the movies.
Ooh!
And buy us popcorn.
Oh, and buy you
popcorn.
Sorry, kids, but you're
stuck with Tanya.
You will not let Tanya
babysit us.
Yeah, that doesn't work
on us.
Honey, I don't think we
should let Tanya babysit them.
- Tom.
You will change the light bulb
on the front porch.
[exhales deeply]
You're getting Tanya.
I have to go buy
a light bulb.
- Uh-oh, I recognize
that snap, crackle, slosh.
Good news!
Tanya's in the hizzle housie.
Better news.
I shave!
And knit cap for everyone.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[all]
[whistling melody]
♪ ♪
[rhythmic clapping]
- ♪ ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR! ♪
[all]
[whistling melody]
♪ ♪
[man]
♪ NA, NA, NA, NA, NA-NA ♪
♪ NA, NA, NA, NA,
NA-NA ♪
- ♪ ONE, TWO ♪
- ♪ NA, NA, NA ♪
[man]
♪ ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR! ♪
Wow, look who's
finally awake.
How was your night
with Tanya?
We were up
half the night.
She sang us lullabies.
Well, that's sweet.
About all the things
they put in sausage.
There's more horn
than you would think.
Nicky, as you know,
I am always on a quest
to improve the products
I sell.
You see this
inflatable raft?
Normally, it would take
a whole 20 seconds
for it to inflate.
Who's got the time?
Exactly!
That's why
I have created
the world's fastest
inflatable raft.
This baby inflates
in just one second.
Come on.
It can't be that fast.
[air blowing, thumping]
Oh, come on.
How come I never get
to fly in?
Anne, I have terrible news--
Oh, there he is.
Ooh, eggs and bacie.
Here you go, sweetie.
No, thanks.
I'm still full from Tanya's
smelt fish casserole.
I thought she made
beef casserole.
She did,
but it smelt like fish.
Well, there will be
plenty more fishy meat.
Your mother and I
are going out this Saturday
and Tanya is
watching you again.
[all]
What?
It's the Annual Boulder
Sporting Goods Store Awards.
Once again,
we have been nominated
for Best Store
With a Rock Climbing Wall
and Also a Cafe.
And this year, we are
bringing home that trophy.
[chuckles]
[whispers]
Whether we win it or not.
Hey, why not make
Saturday a double win
and let us have a sitter
who didn't use
that spatula
as a back-scratcher.
Look, I'm telling you.
Babysitters are not
easy to find.
It's not like
someone we like and trust
is just gonna walk
through that door.
[Josie]
Hello?
Hey, Josie.
You don't have to knock.
- We trust you.
- Hey, Mr. Harper.
When I was closing last night,
I found this bag of cash
next to the soft
pretzel machine.
Oh, thanks.
[chuckles]
I need to call the bank.
I may have deposited
a pretzel.
Dad, what about Josie?
She knocks.
She returns your money.
And--do you have
an itchy back?
- No.
- She's perfect!
- Yes!
- I know, seriously. Right?
Josie would be
a great babysitter,
but I'm sure
she's really busy
with school and work
and her band.
I would love to babysit.
[all]
Yes!
Not so fast.
Do you know any lullabies
about sausages?
No.
Proceed.
[all cheering]
[all giggling]
Wow, you got the cool
soccer girls to laugh?
I've been trying to find
an in with them forever.
What'd you say?
I just said,
"Here you go, ladies."
Well, did you do
an accent, like,
[with Cockney accent]
"Here you go, ladies!"
Or a yodeling voice,
like,
[singing]
"Yodel-adies-hoo!"
[laughs]
Dawn, why don't you just
go up and say hello.
Yeah.
I can do that.
I say it all the time.
Just watch me.
Don't do the yodel.
Don't do the--
[singing]
Yodel-adies-hoo!
I yodeled.
Girls, this is Dawn.
She's terrible
at yodeling,
but great at soccer.
You should
get to know her.
See you at your house
at 7:00.
Coolest babysitter ever.
You have a babysitter?
[scoffs]
No.
I'm just saying
she'd be cool for babies
who needed to be sat.
Then why is she going over
to your house?
Uh, you know,
for a hang sesh.
So you're just hanging
with Josie?
That's cool.
Well, yeah.
It is.
You guys should
join us sometime.
So...
Soccer, huh?
[whispering]
So, you want to practice
with us tomorrow?
Well, yeah!
But why wait
till tomorrow?
My dad just got a new shipment
of soccer ball snapbacks.
[ball thumping]
[grunts]
Right in the bread basket.
And that complete stranger
is testing them out.
[spraying]
[coughing]
What are you doing?
I'm musking up
for Josie.
[groans]
This is not a date.
Not with that attitude.
[spraying]
[both coughing]
[groans]
Why does it smell
like desperation in here?
Come on, guys,
if we blow this with Josie,
we're back to Tanya.
[Anne]
If they pull anything shiny
out of their pockets,
it's a trap.
- If they're noisy, it's a trap.
- If they're quiet, it's a trap.
What if they set up
an actual trap?
Oh, you'll recognize it,
step to the side to avoid it,
and be right in
another trap.
These kids are horrible!
All right.
Love you guys.
Bye, guys. Love you so much.
Okay, kiss.
[all]
Mommy, I love you.
Honey, honey, honey, honey,
honey, honey, honey, honey!
Thank you, Josie.
Bye, kids!
Bye.
I know your parents
are a little worried,
but I got this
under control.
You're in good hands.
[screams]
[all scream]
Got ya!
[laughs]
You guys were
so scared.
So what do we do first?
I'm gonna check
my pants.
Unrelated to what
just happened.
[chuckles]
So how'd it go
with the soccer girls?
Awesome!
We hung out,
then they totally
asked me
to play soccer with them.
All because of you.
[chuckles]
Stick with me, kid.
I got your back.
All clear.
[doorbell rings]
- That's the pizza.
- I'll get plates.
Hi, Dawn.
Denise?
Hi!
You're at my house!
Oh, my gosh.
You're at my house.
You said I should come
for a hang sesh
with you and Josie
sometime.
This is sometime.
Is Josie here yet?
Oh, right.
Josie and the hang sesh.
No, she's not here yet.
What do you mean?
She's babysitting.
Baby-seshing.
That's what Josie and me call
a very small hang sesh.
But it's over now.
[groans]
We should do this
again sometime.
Not this sometime.
Another sometime.
But sometime when
the soccer girls can be here.
Bummer.
And they're already here.
Yay.
[Dawn]
And a bunch of other kids.
Dude, sweet party.
[Dawn]
Party?
Who said there was a party?
Oddly Old-Looking Oscar.
I heard about it
on the Interwebs.
We're throwing
a party?
How come I
wasn't invited?
You're the one who told us
not to blow it,
and you're blowing it?
I'm not throwing
a party.
And I'm not
blowing anything.
You guys distract Josie.
I'll get everybody out.
Hi.
[chuckles]
Get out.
Hi.
Get out.
Dude, this is so awesome.
Thank you so much.
Get out.
Think about it.
You can't preheat an oven.
You just heat it.
You don't heat it
before you heat it.
[both laughing]
He says the things
we're all thinking.
I smell a trap.
That's my body spray.
It's called
Lady Trap.
Is it working?
'Cause I'm gonna
be straight with you--
I like this.
You guys are funny.
Oh, my gosh.
It is a trap.
[party music playing]
♪ ♪
No, no, no.
It is not a party.
Great party.
Really?
I mean, I could do way better
and I will,
but on another night.
Not tonight.
[Dawn]
Hey, why don't you all come back
when the party gets real crazy?
[all]
Yeah!
What is going on
in here?
Josie!
You came back!
Let's crank up the tunes!
[air blowing]
[smushing]
Beep, beep, beep, beep--
All right,
head straight home.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Not you four.
On the couch.
Go.
Well, at least I remembered
the awards aren't
till next Saturday.
Yeah, I just wish
you remembered
before we walked
into that memorial service.
Get your tissues out,
losers!
'Cause the winners
are gonna bury y'all--
[both]
Beep, beep, beep.
We finally gave you guys
a chance to replace Tanya,
and the second we're gone,
you throw a party?
- She threw a party.
- I didn't throw a party!
- It sure looked like a party.
- It wasn't a party.
What happened
to the party?
Man, that kid
reminds me of my dad.
So you're telling me
that wasn't a party?
No, it just kind of happened.
I wanted the soccer girls
to like, me so I invited them--
Oh, well, that's not gonna be
a problem
because you will not be hanging
out with those girls anymore.
That's not fair.
I didn't do anything.
Dawn.
They need to know the truth.
It was a party.
What?
And I threw it.
[all]
What?
Look, I wanted these kids
to think that
I was a cool babysitter,
so I invited some
of their friends over.
I'm really sorry.
Okay.
Then, Dawn, it looks like
you're off the hook.
But you--
You broke our trust.
I'm sorry,
but you can't babysit anymore.
[kids whining]
No, guys.
This is for the best.
Your mom is right.
Come on, Josie.
I'll drive you home.
Thank you, Dicky.
It's nice to see a young person
showing some responsibility.
- Tom.
- Yeah.
Oh, not again.
Dawn,
Dawn's Plan is crazy.
Yeah, who came up
with this?
How do you think this is
really gonna get Josie back?
You guys doubted me
when I said
raccoons don't like hugs.
Correction.
They don't like
surprise hugs.
Trust me.
This plan's gonna work.
Josie got in trouble for a party
she didn't throw.
Now we're gonna get Tanya
in bigger trouble
for a party
she didn't throw.
Then it's ta-ta, Tanya,
and hello-sie, Josie.
- Did you call her nephew?
- I didn't.
[in Tanya's accent]
But Tanya did.
I say, come to party.
Bring stinky food.
[normal voice]
Now, let's go
get Josie back!
- I'll get Dad's raft.
- I'll get Mom's cell phone.
I've got a score to settle
with a raccoon.
Just be on the lookout
for Mom and Dad.
[clattering]
It was dented
when I found it.
Give me that.
Hey, Josie, we wanted
to give you a second chance.
Come over in 15 minutes,
no sooner.
P.S. Bring donuts.
Dicky.
You're not the only one
with a plan.
The raft is stashed.
[sloshing]
[Dawn]
Tanya's here.
[doorbell rings]
[Tanya]
In case the bell doesn't work,
I'm singing now
so you know I am here.
♪ Sausage, oh, sausage ♪
♪ You mystery meat ♪
[Tanya]
♪ I grind in the goat horn ♪
♪ To make you complete ♪
[all]
Tanya!
Since you like hat
so much,
I make you scarf
for face.
[muffled grunt]
Thank you.
Anne, don't worry.
I called the banquet hall
three times to make sure the
awards are actually tonight.
Fine.
Oh, do you have money for a cab?
Oh, of course I have
money for a cab.
We may have to hit
an ATM.
Okay, kids.
I love you. Bye.
- Be good. Bye.
- I love you, mommy.
- I love you.
- You're leaving now? Okay.
Honey, honey, honey, honey,
honey, honey, honey, honey!
Okay, bye!
Thank you, Tanya!
Tanya, we're so glad
you're here.
The downstairs toilet
is totally clogged.
Did you bring your plunger?
Does Tanya's milk shake
bring the boys to farm?
[laughs]
You knows it.
I take care of it.
[Tanya]
There is nothing clogged
in toilet.
Nicky, hit it!
[air blowing]
[screams]
[Tanya]
Now I'm clogged in toilet!
Okay, Tanya--
check.
Josie's on her way,
and all we need now
are the Borschtinyorschkins.
[doorbell]
And sounds like they're
at the doorschkin.
[goat bleating]
[baas]
My apologies.
My goat here
has no manners.
[shouting in foreign language]
And where is Tanya?
She left message
at meat store
saying the family reunion
was here.
This is the place.
Come on in.
Ah, I brought aged chicken.
[sniffs]
Okay, shouldn't have done that.
I'm Schtinki.
This is my family.
My wife, Saynya.
And our children, Booshka,
Vooshka, Nooshka, and Jill.
Fellow non-rhymer.
Up top.
[blows raspberry]
Where's the rest
of the family?
[horn blows]
[all chattering
in foreign language]
All right, everyone.
Welcome to
the Borschtinyorschkin
family reunion!
[cheers]
Everyone, settle in.
Relax.
We have punch
from your home country.
Dicky, you're up.
Mom, Dad, Tanya's throwing
a party here at the house.
Come home quick!
Bring milk.
It's all part
of my plan.
[goat bleating]
[door slamming]
There's a goat
on your porch.
- Josie, thank goodness
you're here.
- Where are the donuts?
Ask the goat.
- Not cool, goat!
[goat bleating]
[door slamming]
What's going on?
Tanya's throwing
some crazy party.
Mom, Dad,
you're here!
What's going on?
[all]
Hey.
[Ricky]
Tanya threw a party.
[Nicky]
See?
But then Josie came over
to get everybody out,
'cause she's so responsible.
[Dawn]
She's a hero.
See?
A hero who deserves
a second chance
to be our babysitter.
Dawn.
I know you sent me
that text.
And once Josie got
your bogus text,
she texted us.
We just wanted
to get Josie back
by making it look
like she saved the day.
Okay.
Sorry, everyone.
The party's over.
[Anne]
Have a good night.
Get home safe.
[Tom]
Thanks for coming.
[Anne]
Happy reunion.
[chattering]
[Nicky]
Bye, guys.
Ooh.
I clean up after goat.
[distant farting]
What was that?
It's Tanya.
She's in
the bathroom.
All right, look.
I appreciate you guys
want me to be your babysitter,
but your mom and dad
made a decision
and you have
to respect that.
[distant fart]
And you shouldn't
try to get
some poor, innocent woman
in trouble.
I expected more
from you guys.
[distant fart]
Mom, Dad,
Josie didn't invite
those kids over the other night.
It was my fault.
- She's right.
- Totally her fault.
Josie, is this true?
Yes.
[distant fart]
But Dawn didn't exactly
do it on purpose.
[fart]
I remember what it's like
to be ten,
desperately wanting
to impress the older girls.
[distant fart]
So I took the blame.
[distant farting]
[Dawn]
Josie's right.
I was bragging
about hanging out with her
and it just blew up
in my face.
[farting]
If I would have
just admitted
that she was our babysitter
in the first place,
she'd still be
babysitting us.
[distant fart]
Josie, we should've known
you'd never betray our trust.
We're sorry.
[farting]
Okay, what is going on
in there?
[panting]
I had to pop raft
to get out of bathroom.
[fart sound]
[all]
Oh!
You know what, Tanya?
We have some bad news.
It's okay.
I understand.
I hear everything
through bathroom door.
I take punch,
we call it square.
Ooh, extra chunky.
[farts]
That was me.
[Dawn]
So Josie can babysit us again?
Hmm.
I guess so.
- Yay!
- Yes!
[Dawn]
Yay. Uh-huh!
Yeah.
Wait, where's Dicky?
[panting]
Dicky, one.
Goat, zero.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[whistling melody]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ Yeah! ♪
- [cheerful melody]
- ♪