- Ow!
- You don't just dump chemicals
into a beaker willy-nilly.
- Well, I'm tired
of all the waity-waity.
Let's get to the dumpy-dumpy.
- Safety first.
Goggles.
- Chill.
If I wear goggles, how are
the ladies gonna see my eyes?
- Goggles!
- Fine.
Hey, babe.
Let's make science.
- Are we done, children?
Can we let
the science fair winner--
- Runner-up.
- It's under review!
I have a process, Dawn.
- Well, here's my process.
- Willy-nilly!
Willy-nilly!
[bubbling]
- Fools!
- Science is awesome.
- Look what you did!
- Me?
You're
the science fair runner-up!
That's what you get for waiting.
- That foam is going
to give you rashes!
- Yeah?
Well, happy scratching!
- [screams]
- [laughs]
- For crying out loud,
you could have gotten rashes!
- I told you.
- Nicky.
There is nothing here
for any of you to be proud of.
Now, I've called your parents.
- Oh, come on.
- Really?
- Don't do that!
- Save it.
You can answer to them.
[knocks on door]
Come in!
All: Hey, Mom.
Hey, Dad.
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
- [whistling]
♪ ♪
- One, two, three, four!
♪ ♪
♪ Na, na, na ♪
♪ Na na-na ♪
♪ Na, na, na ♪
♪ Na na-na ♪
- One, two!
One, two, three, four!
- ♪ Hey hey hey hey ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪
[buzzer]
- This is the third time this
month
we've been called away
from the store
to come pick you kids up.
- Sounds like quality
family time to me.
Am I right?
Up top.
Comin' down.
- You know, every time
I get a call from the school,
I keep hoping that it is finally
that call that says,
"Mrs. Harper, your quadruplets
are amazing
and they are working
together,
and they are definitely not
having a wet toilet paper war
in the handicapped stall."
But it never is.
It never is!
- It's their fault!
Everything always has to be
their way.
- Well, I'm sorry
if I care about my grades.
- And I'm sorry if I don't.
- I'm sorry I bit you
all in the womb!
[all speaking at once]
- Wait, wait.
Guys. Guys. Okay, wait, wait,
wait. Give me a--okay, kids.
Hey, quiet!
Wow, that finally worked.
- The problem is, you kids
can't do anything together
without getting
at each other's throats.
- Oh, his throat.
[crack]
- Good tip.
- Get out of the way!
- Enough!
I gave birth to a team.
What happened to my team?
- We can't be a team if they
don't follow their leader.
- I'm the leader.
I'm the oldest.
- By four seconds.
- I learned a lot
in those four seconds.
- You learn anything
about rashes?
[all groan]
- You see what I'm dealing
with?
It's not like we're bad kids.
Bad things just...
happen to us.
- [screams]
- See?
Our lives are so unfair.
- Hey, Mom.
Dad.
- Okay, Kenny, we have told you
not to call us that.
We are not your parents.
It's creepy.
- But they call you that.
- 'Cause we're their children.
- We're quadruplets.
- Quadruplets?
I look more like you
two than him.
Anyway, Pops, this came for
ya.
- Yes!
It's here!
Behold.
This jersey was worn
by Brownie Wilson,
fabled hero of the Gridiron
from days of Yore.
I searched long and hard
for this jersey,
and now, she's mine.
- Wow, he even signed it
and everything.
- No one touches my number 2.
- [laughs]
Number two.
- This is the greatest day
of my life.
- Our wedding?
The kids' birth?
- Oh, come on,
you think anybody ever says,
"Yay, four kids at once"?
Okay, change of subject.
Punishment time. Who wants to
clean up the puke in the
skydiving simulator?
- You know what?
As the oldest--
- By four seconds!
- I will show my little
brothers how to be
grown up, responsible,
and mature.
[barks]
Puppy!
Look at this little snudger!
I just wanna eat his face!
Yes, I do!
- These kids cannot focus.
Tom, help me out here.
- Who's my sweet number 2?
Oh, stop!
Stop it!
- I'm having a pet adoption
fair in the lot next door.
- Boom, adopted.
- Yeah.
- Boom, returned.
You kids can't take care
of a dog.
It would just turn
into one big fight.
- Fight?
Pfft.
Fight.
We're totally buds.
Quad hug!
- You have nice eyes.
- I love us.
- You're feelin' it, right?
- That felt forced.
- Forced?
Pfft.
Forced.
Ricky, tell him
why it's not forced.
- Mom, Dad, you've always
taught us
that love means
trusting each other.
So if you really love us,
isn't it time you trusted us?
Nicky, back me up here.
- Look, I trust this dog
is gonna give us worms.
But he'll give us worms
together.
- Together.
- Yes!
- Wormy is right.
We can totes do this.
- No, and you're gonna
give the dog right back to--
[gasps]
He is so soft!
- You guys
are not ready for this.
- Mom, I know we've
disappointed you in the past,
but this dog is a chance
for us to show you
that we can work together.
Please let us prove
that we can be the team
that you want us to be.
Please?
Mommy?
- All right.
You can have the dog.
- Yeah!
Fireworks!
- But...this is a trial run.
You have one week to show that
you guys can do this together.
If not, then he's gotta
go back to the shelter.
Got it?
- Yep!
- Yes.
- Got it.
- Word.
- Great, I'll get his papers.
- [gasps]
He can read!
- Harper huddle!
All: Ah, Harper!
- I totally deserved that.
- I'm not gonna lie.
You rock those better than me.
- Dicky.
We have to take this
seriously,
and that's why I've come up
with a schedule
of doggy caretaking duties.
Ta-da!
- That's a very nice
chore chart.
Of course it's not as nice
as mine.
Ta-double-da.
- Wow.
Those four seconds are really
killing you, aren't they?
- I just think my way
is the best way
of taking of care of Chip.
- [buzzer sound] Ehh!
We're not naming him Chip.
- That's right.
His name is Tiny Elvis.
- He doesn't look anything
like Elvis.
- He will when I put him in...
This.
- Um, he's not wearing that.
He's wearing...this.
And his name
is Admiral Squishy Paws.
- Clearly he's a Gary!
All: Gary?
[all speaking at once]
- Gary stinks!
- It's the perfect name.
- He's Tiny Elvis!
- [whistles]
We're doing exactly what
Mom and Dad said we would.
- Sweet.
- No, not sweet.
We have to work together.
That's why I'm willing
to follow...
[gagging]
Ricky's lead.
- I thought you might,
and that's why I created
a picture to represent that.
- This is gonna be totally
easy.
This is so hard.
- This is the longest week
ever.
- It's only been two hours.
[dog whining]
- He needs to go out.
- How can you tell?
[whines]
- Those are his
"I have to pee" ears.
- It's not my turn to walk him.
- Not mine.
- Ugh, I guess I'll be
the responsible one.
- No way, I'm the leader.
I'm the responsible one.
- Don't you be more responsible
than me!
- Hold on!
It's cape weather!
- Man, they're so easy.
- It's wonderful, isn't it?
- It's overwhelming.
- [sighs]
This week has been amazing.
- Glorious.
- I just never thought
I'd see this day.
- It's like a dream come true.
[both sniffling,
sighing]
Love you, Brownie.
- Is Mom still
looking over here?
- I can't fake this smile
much longer.
- I'm so sick of you guys...
But if we make it through today,
Squishy Paws
will be staying with us forever.
- I think the person who's
actually done his chores all
week
should get to name the dog.
- I thought we settled on Gary.
- And she's gone.
- Gary is not a dog name.
- It's better than Tiny Elvis.
- Well, this foam bat
says it isn't.
- [hoarsely]
Let's end this.
- Quad bat fight!
- Aah!
Gary!
- Tiny Elvis!
- Gary!
[overlapping shouting]
- Chip! Chip!
[overlapping shouts]
- Tiny Elvis!
- Tiny El--
both: No!
- Dad's jersey!
- Oh, no!
- Phew, that was close.
- Phew.
- Sorry, Hazel.
- Uh--I'm okay.
[all scream]
- Look what you did!
- You called quad bat fight!
- You started it!
- You started it--
[gasps]
- Oh, no.
- At least his ears aren't--
uh...
- Put down your pee ears
and step away from the jersey.
[all scream]
[urine pattering]
[all groan]
- Is it coming off?
- [hacks] I can't tell over
the smell of your lunch.
Can you maybe lean back
until you hit a mint?
- No big deal.
Chip just went number one
on dad's number 2.
- Normally I'd laugh at that,
but--
no, it's still funny.
- No, it's not.
My life is over.
- Come on, you guys!
If we handle this right,
dad doesn't have to find out,
and we get to keep the dog.
- What's the point?
- It's over.
- I failed.
I'm a horrible leader!
[thwack]
All: Ow!
- You could have used the side
without the price tag.
- We're Harpers.
Did we give up when Nicky got
his head stuck in the railing?
Did we give up when Dicky got
his head stuck in the railing?
Did we give up
when we were having trouble
getting Ricky's head
stuck in the railing?
No!
So we're not giving up now!
We may have failed each other,
but for the first time
in our lives,
we need to think of something
bigger than the four of us.
This guy.
He deserves a good home,
even if we don't deserve him.
- [sniffles]
All: Ah, Harper!
- So this is programmed
to control the snowball launcher
in the winter sports area,
hmm?
And from now on, Kenny...
You're in...
Charge of it.
Good stuff.
- All right, Nicky, Ricky.
You two take the jersey home
and clean it.
Dicky, you walk the dog.
I'll keep dad away from this
until you get back.
Hurry!
- Hey, kiddo.
What's up with the blanket?
- Oh, I was just doing a little
research on antique jerseys,
and it turns out they fade
if they're exposed
to too much sunlight.
It'll wash those days of yore
right off your old number 2.
So until the danger's passed,
I'm gonna
blanket her up real nice.
- Thank you, honey.
You know, that's the kind
of responsibility
that's gonna make Gary Chip
Tiny Elvis Squishy Paws
a permanent part of this family.
- You can count on me, Dad!
- Hey, ladies.
You like puppies?
- It's 1:19.
They've been gone so long,
it's like time is
moving backwards.
- You're holding your phone
upside down.
- It's 6:11!
Finally!
- Sorry.
Mom was home, so we had to
go to the laundromat.
- Is it clean?
- Not bad for such a busy
place.
- Not the laundromat,
the shirt!
It looks great!
- Where's the signature?
- It must have washed off!
- Oh, I knew that machine
was too strong.
That delicate setting is a joke!
- Okay, so we just
need to re-write the
signature.
- Wait, before you do
anything--
- No more waity-waity.
I've been looking
at that signature all week.
Brownie Wilson's signature
is burned into my brain.
There.
- Who's Brownie Squishy Paws?
- You wrote,
"Brownie Squishy Paws."
- It just came out!
- Why would that just come out?
- I practiced that name all
day!
- You want the price tag
or all leather?
- It's over.
That's it.
I failed.
I'm sorry, Squishy Paws.
I let you down.
- You're giving up?
- Where's the girl
who rubbed butter on my face to
pop me out of that railing?
- And where's the girl
who decided to stop pulling
and just push me
right through that railing?
- And where's the girl
who pinned my arms down
while Dicky and Nicky
jammed my head into that railing
for laughing at them?
- I'm right here.
- Good, 'cause our team
could kind of use a leader.
- Nicky,
can you get the marker out?
- I say this
with full certainty:
possibly.
To the cafe!
This is my own formula.
It's super strong,
so a few drops is all we need.
[liquid splats]
[screams]
[all screaming]
- Hey, guys.
[all screaming]
- [screams]
Why are we screaming?
- Oh, we're just, uh...
Super excited about
all these new smoothie options.
- Yes, like mango-squash-onion.
[screams]
- Hey, who's thirsty?
- Well, not Ricky, because he
has some important work things
to do all the way over there.
- Yep. Work, work, work.
- He's a great kid.
You know,
we almost named him Gary,
but we couldn't think of three
other names that rhymed with it.
- Larry.
- Carrie.
- Harry.
- Oh, Mom!
What are you doing here?
- I just came to see
my amazing kids.
- And now you see one.
Now you don't.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Come here, I need a hug!
Wait, wait.
What's under your shirt?
- What?
No, I didn't.
- We have to rescue Ricky.
- Why are you acting so
strange?
Just show me
what's in your shirt.
- What do we do?
- I got this.
- Just show me
what's in your shirt!
Ow!
What are you up to?
- Commence phase two.
[computer beeps]
- Help!
- Okay, you stay right here.
Coming, Hazel!
Oh. Ow! Okay--all right--
- Where's the jersey?
- It's right over--
- Hey, isn't this Dad's jersey?
- Nope!
- Wait, let me see the jersey.
Okay, okay.
- I'm tellin' Dad
if you don't give me the jersey!
- Dicky, go long!
- Who's ready
for onion-y goodness?
[gasps]
No!
What have they done to you?
- It was an accident.
- We're really sorry, Dad.
- Don't apologize to me.
Apologize to her!
- We're really sorry, jersey?
- Well, we were just fighting
over the dog's name and--
- Oh, big surprise!
See, I thought you guys
were finally working together,
but you weren't.
Of course!
- You're right.
We screwed up,
just like we always do.
I guess this means--
Goodbye,
little guy.
I'll miss you.
- [howling]
- Sorry, buddy.
I just wish we'd come up
with a better plan.
- What plan?
- Well, after the dog
peed on the jersey,
we thought we could clean
it...
- So Nicky and I ran home,
but you were there, so we had to
go to the laundromat...
- And we washed
the signature off...
- And then you showed up and I
hit Hazel with snowballs...
- And no matter what we did,
we just made things worse.
- So you guys
did all this together?
- Well, yeah. We couldn't have
kept it a secret all day by
ourselves.
- All day?
You kept this from us all day?
Oh!
I am so proud of you!
- This is the strangest
I've ever been yelled at.
- But we ruined Dad's jersey
and tried to cover it up.
- Yes, but you tried to
cover it up together.
You lied to us as a team.
You were a united team
of little liars.
It's not exactly
what I had in mind,
but I will take it!
- What's happening?
- I'll tell you
what's happening.
He's staying with us.
- What?!
[all cheering]
- Mega fireworks!
[imitating explosions]
- Awesome! We're not in trouble
for ruining Dad's jersey!
- Oh, no,
you're in big trouble for that.
- Who cares?
We got our dog.
- Harper huddle.
All: Ah, Harper!
- Okay,
I totally deserved that. Wow.
- ♪ ♪
- [whistling melody]
♪ ♪
- [vocalizing]
♪ Yeah ♪
[vocalizing]
♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪