- Dear diary...
- Hey, whatcha doing?
- Nothing.
Wait, what are you doing
in here?
- Oh, I'm in here all the time,
usually when you're not.
- Oh. Get out.
- What's behind your back?
- Nothing, get out.
- Oh, 'cause it said diary,
and you said, "Dear diary."
So I figured it was a diary.
- It's not a diary.
- Ooh, you have a diary?
- No.
- Anything in there about us?
- Diaries are for
private thoughts
like rooms with signs
on the door that say, "No boys
allowed."
- Huh, is that new?
- Yeah, I think that's new.
[All talking over each other]
- No!
It's been there
since I moved in.
Look, I respect your privacy
and I would really
appreciate it
if you would respect mine.
- Don't worry.
You can trust us.
- Totally.
- Absolutely.
- Coast is clear.
- We got to find that diary
and see what she writes about
us.
- No diary, just this weird
ear-warmer thing.
- These aren't ear-warmers.
They're an old-timey
toothache cure.
- No, they're workout bands.
Whoo!
- What? What?
- This is not what
it looks like.
- We didn't come in here
to play with your workout bands.
- Those are my sports bras.
- Ew, that was on my face.
- Gross, mine too!
- Just go!
I have a very long and angry
diary entry to write.
- Oh, by the way, where do you
keep your diary?
- Yeah, we looked
everywhere for it.
- You were in Dawn's room again
without permission, huh?
all: Yep.
[upbeat music]
- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na,
na, na, na, na, na ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na,
na, na, na, na, na, ♪
[whistling]
♪ ♪
- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪
♪ One, two ♪
- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
♪
- Yeah, Mae, I'm leaving now.
Yeah, I'll just
meet you at the ice cream place
named after the rapper.
No, not Scoop Dogg,
Cone-ye West.
- Did you hear that?
- Yeah, she's going
to Cone-ye West.
That place is nowhere near
as good as Wu-Tang Cone.
- What are you
talking about?
There's only two sizes there,
Biggie or Smalls.
- Guys, I don't know.
Should we really be doing this?
The sign does say,
"No boys allowed."
- Now it says,
"No, boys allowed."
- Whoa, word magic.
- Yikes, she is really
mad at us.
- You know what?
Words do hurt.
- Hey, look,
not all of it's about us.
- Dear diary,
this is top secret.
all: Ooh.
- Yesterday,
I went to the school nurse,
and she told me I have a highly
contagious mouth fungus.
all: Ew.
- She said it would
probably go away
in a couple of weeks,
so I'm not
telling anyone about it.
It's gross and itchy,
and it makes my tongue
all hairy.
The only thing
that makes it feel better
is scratching it with
the end of my diary pen.
- Diary pen!
- Hairy tongue, search.
[all yell]
- Mm, this Mackles'more
is so good.
- Not as good as that
Kendrick Lamarshmallow.
Oh, hey, guys.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- 'Sup?
- Oh, this ice cream
is so good.
It's like a party
on my tongue.
Oh, here, try some.
- No, thanks.
- Nicky, you would love it.
- I'm good.
- Dicky?
- Ew, no.
- Okay, what's going on?
You guys love ice cream
named after rappers.
- Yeah, but, um...
- We just had some country music
breakfast foods.
- Yes, the Rascal Flapjacks
were very filling.
- Oh, come on, guys.
There's always room
for ice cream.
- No, thanks.
We're so full, it's hairy.
I mean, scary.
- Well, I'm full too.
So I'm just gonna leave this
right here
in case you guys
change your mind.
Come on, Mae, let's go
up to my room.
- That was close.
- Yeah, reading her diary
was the only thing
that stood between us
and a hairy tongue.
- What's up, boys?
- [gasps]
Is that Kendrick Lamarshmallow?
both: Dibs!
[both talking at once]
[all groaning]
[laughter]
- They totally fell for it.
- And now for phase two,
the tongue wig.
- No, I think phase one
sold it.
- So are you going to make
more fake diary entries?
- Uh, absolutely.
I know they're going to
keep reading it.
And if I can't trust the boys,
I don't want them to be able to
trust each other.
- Are you sure?
'Cause this is pretty scary.
- Now boys allowed.
- Dear diary, what I found out
about my brothers
the other day really
shocked me.
They always used to be
a united threesome, but now?
Two of them
are turning on the other,
and what they plan
to do to him frightens me.
They're going to go after
what he prizes the most,
and he'll have no idea
because it'll happen
when he least expects it.
I mean, I'd like to warn him,
but he's been
kind of mean to me lately.
Maybe if he were nicer,
I'd help him out.
Oh, well, we'll see.
Soccer practice was good today.
Coach says I'm--
- Wait,
what did coach say?
- Who cares what coach said?
Is there anything that you two
would like to tell me?
- No, do you and Dicky have
anything you'd like to tell me?
- I don't know what you're
talking about.
- Me neither.
- All right, this is silly.
- Yeah, we all trust each other,
right?
- Right.
These two are definitely
up to something.
- I don't trust
these two at all.
- I really want to know
what coach said.
- All right, boys, lights out.
Sweet dreams.
- Well, you heard her.
Guess it's time
for total darkness.
- Where things can happen
without us seeing them coming.
- But those things will
never happen, right?
- No.
- Of course not.
[bed creaks]
[all scream]
[vacuum whirring]
[vacuum turns off]
[bed creaks]
- Oh...
guess my bed
squeaks a little.
- You heard me, boys.
I said lights out.
[bed creaks]
[all scream]
- [sighs]
- ♪ La, la-la-la ♪
- Five, carry the two,
divide that by three equals...
I hate homework.
- That's the same answer
I got.
- Dawn, Dawn, Dawn,
or Dawn to the third power
as us math guys like to say.
Why don't you take a little
break and let me
handle the homework situation?
In fact, the Rickulator
has already completed
your assignments for the week.
You know you can count
on me to get you an A.
Well, a B-plus to make it seem
like you did it.
- Why would you do my homework?
That falls in the...
you broke something,
need something, or have
something to hide category.
- What? Hogwash.
- What's hogwash?
- It's similar
to "balderdash."
And doing your homework
is just what kind,
loving siblings do.
For example, you'd look out
for me if you knew
I was in imminent danger
or if someone
was threatening what I prize
the most
like my perfect attendance
record.
You'd tell me, right?
- Of course.
- So anything
you want to tell me now?
- Nope.
- Well, if anything comes up,
I'll be upstairs
working on your music
history report.
Just remember, I'll always
have your Bach.
See what I did there?
- Wow, this is going way
better than I thought.
Oh, and I smell
chocolate chip paranoia
coming from the kitchen.
- Oh, hello, ladies.
Don't mind me, I'm just baking
some of Dawn's favorite
chocolate chip muffins.
- Mm.
- Mmm.
These are delicious.
- Can you guess
the secret ingredient?
- Sugar?
- No.
- Flour?
- No.
- Baking soda.
- No.
- Chocolate chips?
- Those aren't secret
ingredients!
- Shrimp?
- Trust!
Trust
is the secret ingredient!
Enjoy.
- Why would you
make us muffins?
- I just enjoy doing nice things
for nice people,
like my nice sister Dawn.
- Hogwash!
It's like balderdash.
- No, it's true.
I'm just looking out
for my sis
like she always looks
out for me.
For example, if you knew
someone or...
two people were threatening
what I love most...
Say, my perfectly seasoned
cast iron skillet,
I could trust you
to warn me, right?
- Well, there is something
I do need to warn you about.
- Yes?
- We're gonna eat
all these muffins.
- Wait, isn't there anything
else you want to tell me?
- Nope.
Two down, one to go.
- Hey, girls, whatcha eating?
- Oh, Nicky made muffins.
I think there's one left
in the kitchen.
both: Dibs!
- There she is,
my favorite sister.
- She's your only sister.
- Aren't we all sisters?
Uh, Dawn,
I brought you a gift.
- Why?
- I just felt like
giving you something,
you know, like you'd give me
a warning if you knew
someone wanted to take away
what I prize most.
Like my luscious locks.
- Sure.
Um, Dicky,
this is my lamp.
- I knew you'd love it.
So now that I gave you
something,
is there something you would
like to give me?
Like information?
- Yep.
- Really?
- Oh, did I say "yep"?
I meant nope.
Three for three, doesn't get
any better than this.
Writing fake diary entries
to mess with my brothers
is the best idea
I've ever had.
I now have a homework servant,
a muffin chef,
and a brighter room.
- I can't wait until my
brother's old enough
to read my fake diary.
Mmm, we're out of muffins.
- Relax, I know where we can
go get some more.
- Mmm, s'mores sound good.
- You know what?
Let's get Nicky to make
some of those too.
Just when I thought
it couldn't get any better,
it got s'more better.
[laughter]
- Fake diary entries?
The other boys are never
gonna believe this.
- I believe it.
- I believe it too.
Thanks.
Mae's heavier than I thought.
- What are you guys
doing in here?
- I was trying to get info about
what you guys were gonna do to
me.
- Me, too, but now we know
everything was all made up
so Dawn could manipulate us
into turning on each other.
- I can't believe she
double-crossed us.
- Yeah, who would go to such
lengths just to
betray someone's trust?
- You know, I think it's time
we start working together
to get Dawn back.
- Yeah, and I have a plan.
But first, could you make us
some s'mores?
I'm starving.
I thought I'd have a snack
in the beanbag chair,
but turns out,
these weren't real beans.
- ♪ Oh, oh ♪
[knock at door]
- Who is it?
- It's Dicky.
You asleep yet?
- Yes.
- Okay.
Do you know when
you'll be awake?
- I'm awake now, Dicky.
- I thought you just said
you were asleep.
- Okay, just come in!
- There she is,
my sister from the same mister.
- What do you want?
- I came in here to apologize
for reading your diary.
- You did what?
- And to thank you
for what you wrote.
Look, I don't want to make
too big of a deal out of this,
but your most private thoughts
saved my life.
Now I know about Ricky
and Nicky's plot to betray me.
You're my hero,
and thanks to you,
I'm about to go mess with them
before they can mess with me.
- Mae, remember how I said it
couldn't get any better
from when it got better
after being better?
It just got better.
- Did I miss it?
- No, the boys haven't
come down yet.
This should be good, though.
Dicky really meant business
last night.
- He did?
Are you nervous at all?
What if he does something
really bad?
- Nah, how bad could it be?
[boys scream]
Don't worry, it's just
a harmless prank.
It's not like they're
out for blood.
- They're out for blood!
- Oh, hi, Dawn and Mae.
How's your morning going?
- Okay.
- Can't complain.
- That's terrific.
We don't have any hair!
- Hey, you know who else
doesn't have any hair?
Vin Diesel,
and he's doing okay.
- I may not be fast,
but I'm furious!
- Wait, stop!
The only reason I shaved your
heads was because
I thought
you were gonna shave mine.
- Why would you think that?
- Because I read in Dawn's
diary that you were
gonna take the thing
that I prized most.
- Hiya.
- Dawn, why would you write
a lie like that
in your diary?
- Because you guys invaded
my privacy,
and I wanted to teach you
a lesson.
So I wrote some fake stuff
in my diary
to turn you
against each other.
[all gasp]
- Why would you do that?
- I am shocked.
- And bald.
- I never thought my diary
would cause things
to get this out of control.
I'm sorry.
- We appreciate that, Dawn.
But all the "I'm sorrys"
in the world
won't bring our hair back.
- I know,
and I feel horrible.
I promise I'll find a way
to make it up to you.
- Honestly, Dawn,
I don't know how
that would be possible.
[laughter]
- She totally bought it.
- Who knew the flesh-colored
swim caps
Dad couldn't sell at the store
would finally come in handy?
- My bald cap's starting
to itch. Can I take it off?
- I think we should keep it on
for the rest of the day
and see how guilty we can
make Dawn feel.
In fact, let's start a wish list
of stuff we can
guilt Dawn into giving us.
Number 370,
a hot tub for our bedroom.
- Yeah, I've got some foot
issues you guys
don't want any part of.
- Uh, why not make it
three hot tubs?
- Hi, guys.
Dawn still feels terrible about
the whole fake diary thing.
- She should.
- It was terrible.
- It could've been me.
- But she thinks she found a way
to make it up to you.
- Is it a monkey
on a motorcycle?
If not,
put it on the list.
- Dawn, come on in.
- After some deep thought
and reflection,
I decided that if my fake diary
caused Nicky and Ricky
to be bald,
then I deserve to be bald too.
- What did you do?
- Is it that bad?
- Terrible.
- Awful.
- Gollum!
- Well, you guys don't look
so good either.
both: Actually...
- Bald caps?
- Sorry.
All three of us overheard
you guys talking in your room.
- What? When?
- Last night.
- And by the way, Mae,
you're heavier than you look.
- You were in my room again?
- Yeah, and it's a good thing,
'cause we found out
those diary entries were fake.
- Liar!
- So we're giving you a taste
of your own medicine.
How's it taste, Dawn?
- Taste!
- So I shaved my head
for nothing?
Oh, this is bad.
This is so bad!
I have to go to school tomorrow.
What did I do?
- You know what?
The whole fake head shaving plan
was mine in the first place.
I know what I have to do
to make this right.
[buzzing]
- Wait, Dicky, no!
I was faking it too.
- This story has more twists
than a cinnamon roll.
- Cinnamon rolls only
have one twist.
- But it's a pretty big twist!
- How did you know we were
faking it?
- Mae and I overheard you guys
in here talking about your Dawn
guilt wish list.
- You were eavesdropping
on our private conversation?
- Private? The pass-through
was completely open.
- Yeah, we said,
"Uh, guys, we're right here,"
several times.
- It's still an invasion
of our privacy.
- You know,
when you think about it,
we invaded your privacy,
you invaded our privacy.
It's kind of funny.
- [laughs]
- Yeah, I guess it is.
- Yeah,
nothing really bad happened.
- I shaved my head!
For real!
- Ooh.
- Wow.
- Yikes.
- Your hair really
is everything.
- Your real bald head
has taught us all a lesson.
We could all work on respecting
each other's privacy
so this sort of thing
never happens again.
- Dawn's right.
Who wants cinnamon rolls?
- Oh, yum, me.
- Yeah.
- I shaved my head!
- Looking good, kids.
- Did we all really
have to shave our heads?
- Hey, quad for all,
and all for bald.
- Besides, I'm sure
it'll grow back.
- Maybe.
- [gasps]
[whistling]
♪ ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Yeah! ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Yeah! ♪