[upbeat music]
- [exhales]
[inhales sharply]
[all groan]
- Come on, Ricky,
you're taking forever.
- Mini-golf is a game
of concentration and patience.
- Well, concentrate
on this patience.
Boom! I'm on a roll,
'cause my ball's in the hole.
- That was MY ball.
- Too late.
I'm already dancing.
- I feel like
trying something new.
Let's go to this hole.
- Ooh. Make a wish,
then spin around real fast.
- Sold!
Ooh, I get to go again.
That's what I wished for.
- There's no wishing
in mini-golf.
And you played these holes
out of order.
- You need to lighten up,
buddy.
So what club
should I use here, guys?
- You know,
I would go with the putter.
- You only have a putter.
It's always going
to be a putter.
- Not if you use...
a footer.
Dawn, Dicky, and Nicky: Goal!
- This is useless.
You three
aren't taking this seriously.
Even this course is a joke.
Spaceships, astronauts,
the fact that we're indoors.
We should be outdoors
with wooden windmills
and real wind.
- That is ridiculous.
The stuff Dad put in here
is awesome.
Oh. Except for that alien
with the googly eyes.
Seriously.
Googly eyes freak me out.
- Since when?
- Aww, honey,
Dawn seems a little sad.
Here, come cheer her up
with one of your funny faces.
I'm going to get you.
[baby crying]
I'm going to get you!
- I don't know.
It's just always been that way.
All I know is
those googly eyes
are just throwing me
off my game.
- Well, you know
what's throwing me off my game?
Everything about this place.
I'm surprised
there's no techno music.
- That reminds me.
Three, two, one, dance off!
[techno music playing]
♪ ♪
- There's no dancing in golf.
- [sighs] I'm sorry, Ricky,
but you're the only kid
on the planet
who would walk in here
and not say
this place is awesome.
- I would say this place
is awesome,
buuuut it's not.
- It's The But-er and
those snobby country club kids.
- Dawn.
- Madison.
- Ricky.
- Spaulding.
- Nicky.
- Lacey.
- Dicky.
- Other guy.
- Hamilton.
- Really?
All right.
Hamilton.
- What are you doing here?
- We heard your Dad opened up
a new course,
and we wanted to check it out.
- Spaceships, lasers, aliens?
It's like Cirque Du So-Lame
in here.
[laughter]
- Mini-golf should
be played outdoors
with wooden windmills
and real wind.
- I couldn't agree
with you more.
Now get out.
- Fine. Dawn.
- Madison.
- Ricky.
- Spaulding.
- Nicky.
- Lacey.
- Dicky.
- Guy whose name
I still can't remember.
- Hamilton.
Why won't that stick?
Hamilton, Hamilton, Hamilton.
Hamilton.
[upbeat music]
- ♪ Na na na na na na
na na na na na ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪
- ♪ Na na na na na na
na na na na na ♪
[whistling]
♪ ♪
- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ Na na na na na na ♪
♪ Na na na na na na ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪
♪ One, two ♪
- ♪ Na na na na na na ♪
- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
[upbeat music]
- Ugh, what are you
still doing here?
- We were going to leave,
buuuut...
this place is really great
for people judging.
- Oh. Don't you mean
people watching?
- No.
Nice hat.
[laughter]
- Wow. It's hard to believe
that one of us
has something
in common with them.
- Yeah, Ricky, when she told us
how much she hated
our golf course,
we thought for sure you were
going to side with them.
- [scoffs]
Please.
- Got your usual smoothies.
Strawberry, strawberry,
strawberry,
green tea with kale
and a double brain boost.
- What can I say, Dad?
Most people zig.
I like to zag.
- Hey, those kids
over there zag too.
They ordered the same thing.
[laughter]
So what'd you think
of Get Golfy?
- Well, the three of us
loved it,
but Ricky thought
it was a little...
What'd you call it, Ricky?
- An intergalactic disgrace.
- Hey, that's what
the zaggers called it.
- Hey, look.
My straw looks like a mustache.
[gasps]
Mustache straw fight.
[cup clatters]
- Oh, great!
Do you know how hard it is
to get a double brain boost
out of alpaca?
[exhales]
I mean,
will you excuse me?
- Hey, Ricky,
you know what gets brain boost
out of alpaca, right?
- What?
- Spaulding's father.
He owns a chain
of dry cleaners.
They're very good.
- Here's a coupon
for 10% more.
- Why would people
pay 10% more?
- People love coupons.
- We've been
watching you, Ricky.
You really know your way
around a mini-golf course.
How would you like
to know your way
around the mini-golf course?
- You mean--
- Yes.
The Boulderly Hills
Country Club Mini-Golf Course.
- Oh, I know the BHCCMGC.
Is it true you have grass
flown in from Japan?
- Oh, yes, and Michigan.
- We think
you're BHCCMGC material.
So why don't you join us?
Uh, I don't think I should.
I'm already part
of a foursome.
- Olé!
[crash]
- [sighs]
It's complicated.
- Is it?
You're better than them, Ricky.
Take the brochure.
It's a scratch and sniff.
- And I'll take that coupon too.
- Of course you will.
- [sniffs]
Ah, Squishy, smell
that glorious Michigan grass.
That is not a cedar drawbridge.
[sniffs]
It is a cedar drawbridge!
- Hey, Ricky?
- Nothing.
I was just reading
an interesting article
about new wind farm technology--
- Oh, speaking
of wind farm technology,
pull my finger.
[laughter]
- Please don't.
- Speaking of don't,
I did have a dream last night
where I was chased by something
called The Waffle-Nator.
[as Schwarzenegger]
Your syrup, give it to me, now!
- Stop that.
That's mine.
- Fine. But I'll be back.
- Oh, waffles. Nice.
- That's mine too.
- Nom-nom-nom-nom-nom...
- Why do you have
to chew like that?
- It means
I'm enjoying my food.
Nom-nom-nom-nom...
- Sounds good.
I want one.
Oh.
both: Nom-nom-nom...
- Ooh. That means
I'm enjoying my food.
- Well, now I'm not enjoying
my food.
- Well, then you should be
chewing like this.
[both chewing loudly]
- I want in on this.
Hold on.
all:
Nyach-nyach-nyach-nyach-nyach...
- What is wrong
with you people?
- Sometimes I have
too good of a hair day,
but besides that,
I'm pretty happy with myself.
- You three have no manners,
no sense
of the proper way to act,
and you wouldn't know
Michigan grass from your elbow.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Let's not bring Michigan
into this.
- Wow, Ricky, I didn't realize
you were the expert on manners
and the proper way to act.
- I may not be an expert,
but I was invited to play
at the BHCCMGC yesterday.
- The what?
- The Big Hairy Cow
Chocolate Milk Gulping Contest.
Keep up, people.
- No.
I was invited to the
Boulderly Hills Country Club,
and you weren't.
You know why?
Because I take things seriously,
and you
nyach-nyach-nyach-nyach-nyach.
- Oh, like you never
nyach-nyach-nyach-nyach'd.
- Yeah, I used to nyach-nyach
and nom-nom,
and even on occasion, I'd...
[blows raspberry]
But you know what?
I grew up.
And you should too.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to go play a round
of proper mini-golf
at the most exclusive club
in the city.
Good day.
I forgot my brochure.
Good day!
I promised Mom I'd walk him
before I left.
Final good day!
- Wow, can you believe
the nerve of that guy?
He really thinks
he's better than us.
- Well, he's not.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. We'll show him.
- Not now, though, right?
- No, we're going to finish
eating breakfast.
[all chewing loudly]
[upbeat music]
- Ground control,
it's Major Tom.
- Yes, Tom?
- Say it right.
- [sighs and chuckles]
Yes, Major Tom?
- We got a squeaky rocket
on hole number seven.
I'm going to give it
a little bacon grease.
- Please tell me "bacon grease"
is just an expression.
- Yes, it is, Anne.
An expression of my genius.
It fixes squeaks
and tastes great.
Mmm, liquid pig.
[chuckles]
Ground control,
we have a missing rocket.
And a missing alien arm.
Oh...
my...
gosh!
No!
- Tom, are you okay?
[sighs] Major Tom,
are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
There's just a lot
of missing stuff up here.
And I have a pretty good idea
who's to blame.
Alien ghosts.
[upbeat music]
[upbeat whistling]
- This is amazing.
You're chewing, and yet
there are no "nom-noms"
or "nyach-nyachs."
How do you do it?
- We'll tell you our secrets
if you tell us
how you scored a 39 today.
That's only one
off the course record.
- I really believe
the game is won
before you even step
onto the course.
all: Ooh.
- That's good.
- Let's not talk sport
at lunch.
- Oh. Did anyone read
that article
on new wind farm technology?
- Yes.
Yes, I did.
- Ricky thinks we're not
going to fit in around here.
- Yeah, we're just
as classy and sophisticated
as these people.
- [British accent] Oh.
My good man, a box
of your finest apple juice
with your bendiest straw.
- [British accent]
And make it snappy.
We're classy,
and we don't like to wait.
- Ooh.
- Ooh, appetizers.
Don't mind if I do.
[all chewing loudly]
This place is so fancy,
the food is pre-chewed.
- So, after reading
that article,
I have to say, it seems like
a "wind-wind" situation.
[all laugh]
[all chewing loudly]
Would you excuse me
for just one moment?
I'm going to go hit
the little putter's room.
What are you guys doing here?
- Proving you're
not better than us.
- Well, you're doing
a terrible job.
You're dressed like idiots,
and you're eating garbage.
- [scoffs]
- Wow, you are snobby.
- No, that's actually garbage.
[all chewing disgustedly]
Would you guys leave?
You don't belong here.
- But you do?
- Yes, he does.
He's a Vestie now.
That's what we call ourselves.
- Richard came up with it.
- Because we all wear vests.
- And we're besties.
- So he belongs,
buuuut you don't.
So buh-bye.
- Well, then maybe
we'll become members.
[laughter]
- You guys will never
become members here.
- Really?
Give us two reasons why not.
- Because you're classless
garbage eaters
and are terrible at mini-golf.
- What are you saying?
- I'm saying
you're classless garbage eaters
and are terrible at mini-golf.
- Say what you want about
our classless garbage eating,
but don't insult
our mini-golf skills.
- What mini-golf skills?
[laughter]
- Care to make this interesting?
- Well, first we'd have
to replace you
with three interesting people.
[laughter]
- We're talking about mini-golf.
Quads versus Vesties.
Winner takes all.
- All of what?
- Your vests.
[all gasp]
- Well, you have
nothing we want,
so what would we win?
- [sighs] You can take
everything you don't like
out of Dad's golf course.
[both gasp]
- Deal.
- Hamilton.
- You got it.
- Yes!
Deal.
[rock music]
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
- We are terrible
at mini-golf.
How are we going to beat
the Vesties without Ricky?
- Yeah, Dawn. What were you
thinking when you made that bet?
- I'll tell you exactly
what I was thinking
at the precise moment
I made that bet.
I was thinking, "Oh, my gosh,
I just ate garbage."
- Oh. Hello.
all: Hello.
- So ice cream, huh?
[all chewing loudly]
Do you guys ever take
anything seriously?
- I take The Waffle-Nator
seriously.
[as Schwarzenegger]
I told you I'd be back.
- You know, this is why
I left you for the Vesties.
And this is why you're going
to lose the mini-golf challenge.
- [sighs]
Richard is so annoying.
- Pardon me, I forgot
I came in here for an apple.
- Yeah, but he's right.
We don't take things seriously.
That's why
he's the only one out of us
with any mini-golf skills.
- Pardon me,
I also forgot a napkin.
- And the only one of us
with any manners.
- Oh. And I forgot to say
good day!
- But he's terrible
at leaving a room.
- Oh, definitely.
- The worst.
[upbeat music]
- Anne.
- Hey.
- I just came from upstairs,
and there's
a few more items missing.
- Huh, that's strange.
- Yeah. Strange is
one word for it.
Here. Plug this in for me?
- Sure.
- Another word for it
might be,
you know, guilty!
- Oh.
Tom, what are you
talking about?
- You never liked
that golf course, did you, Anne?
If that is your real name.
- You know it's Chantal,
and I don't like it,
so I go by my middle name,
Anne.
What is your point?
- What'd you do
with my rocket?
- I don't know
where your rocket is
or any of your other stuff.
- Really? It's pretty hot
under that light,
isn't it, Chantal?
- Not anymore.
- Fine,
I believe you...Anne.
[clears throat]
Here. Plug this in for me?
[upbeat music]
- Dawn.
- Madison.
- Nicky.
- Lacey.
- Dicky.
- Ricky.
- Dawn.
- Ricky.
- Nicky.
- Ricky.
- Okay, this is ridiculous.
We know each other's names.
- So how's this going to work?
- Our best three
against you three.
- Right. Hamilton, Lacey,
you're out.
- All right.
Let's do this thing.
Quaddle up!
Um, sorry, Richard.
Your team's over there.
- Oh, right.
- [coughs]
[adventure music]
♪ ♪
[romantic music]
♪ ♪
- Aw. You missed.
[romantic music]
♪ ♪
- [coughs]
- A little late.
- No, I got one of Dicky's hairs
in my mouth.
- Did you just kick your ball
closer to the hole?
That's cheating.
- It's only cheating
if someone sees it.
- I saw it.
- Did you?
- [sighs]
- [whistling]
- I'm getting close, Anne.
- Yeah. You're two blocks
from Crazy Town.
You have yourself as a suspect.
- I'm not ruling anybody out.
- Forget it, Tom,
it's miniature golf.
- Oh, you're right.
- I am?
- Great idea.
- What idea?
- In order to find the culprit,
I need a disguise.
- Um, I didn't say that.
Hi.
[sniffing] Bacon?
Bacon grease.
The dog.
Tom.
- You mean Major Tom?
- He'll figure it out.
[upbeat music]
- How is the score so close?
- If Dawn sinks the next putt,
they win.
- I got this.
Good luck, Dawn.
Try not to look at the alien,
even though
it's looking at you.
[all laugh]
- Yeah, Dawn,
try not to look at the alien.
I mean, look at that thing.
That dude is goo-guh-ly.
Eyes, eyes, eyes.
- Dicky!
- Sorry. Putt away.
[ominous music]
♪ ♪
- Ah!
♪ ♪
[all groan]
all: Yes!
- We won!
Vesties: Vesties rule!
Vesties rule!
Vesties rule! Vesties rule!
Vesties rule!
- Good game.
You won fair and square.
- Yes, we did.
Isn't that right, Richard?
- No. It's not.
We cheated.
- What?
- Madison kicked her ball.
- I did not!
- You did too.
And now you're lying
about it.
You don't respect the game.
You don't care about honor
or wooden bridges
or Michigan grass.
All you care about is winning.
I wanted to be on a team
that played the right way.
And I chose the wrong team.
They may be garbage eaters,
but they're garbage eaters
with class.
- Thanks, bro.
- Very, very moving, Richard.
Buuuut unless Dawn's ball
magically falls into the hole
without her taking
another stroke,
we won,
and they lost.
- Squishy, it was you?
I knew this disguise would work.
Bring that back.
I'm going to get you.
- [screaming] Googly eyes!
- The ball went in.
The Quads win!
[all cheering]
- No fair. She bumped into me,
and I hit it with my foot.
- That still counts.
- That's cheating.
- It's only cheating
if someone sees it.
- You saw it.
- Did I?
- You're no longer welcome
at the club.
- And you're no longer
welcome here.
As I said before, get out.
- I wanted that alien
and that spaceship.
- You'll get nothing
and like it.
- Well, you're not getting
our vests.
- Good, we didn't really
want them anyway.
They look stupid.
Oh, it looks good
on you, though.
- Welcome back.
- Our quaddles
weren't the same without you.
- Now what?
- Now we dance.
Three, two, one!
[techno music]
Tom: Squishy.
Squishy. Hey, kids.
Squishy!
♪ ♪
- ♪ Na na na na na na
na na na na na na ♪
[whistling]
♪ ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Yeah! ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Yeah! ♪