[upbeat music]
- Well, boys,
enjoy your last few minutes
before we're stuck with the
babysitter.
- Why do Mom and Dad think we
still need the babysitter?
- Yeah, we're responsible.
We're, like, the most
responsible kids in the world.
[whimpers]
- Guys, I know we're bummed,
but whoever's whining, please
knock it off.
You sound like a dog who needs
to go to the bathroom.
- Hey, kids.
Guess who's almost here.
- The babysitter.
all: The babysitter.
- I'm so excited we are
finally getting a date night
at Chateau Mamouche.
- It's pronounced "ma-mouch,"
as in "get that food
in ma mouch."
- No, no, no!
- No, it's pronounced,
"Non, non, non."
- No, the babysitter
just cancelled.
all: The babysitter!
- The babysitter.
- Now we'll never find
a sitter so last-minute.
Well, there goes date night.
- Unless...
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
You are not
staying home alone.
You kids ask us this every time.
Your mother never goes
for it, and she's not
going to go for it now.
- I might go for it now.
- You're going for it now?
all: Yes!
- Well, the kids are getting
older, and, I don't know,
maybe it's time
we give them a shot at this.
- But you're not worried?
- No.
- Well, someone has to worry,
and usually it's you.
But if you're not worried, that
means I have to be worried.
Aren't you worried about that?
- Not really.
- But they can't even
take care of Squishy.
- Yeah, we can.
Ricky, it's your turn
to take Squish out.
- No, it's not.
- I did it last time.
- It's not my turn.
- Dawn, it's your turn.
[kids arguing]
- See?
This kind of arguing is why
you can't be left alone.
I swear it's been going on
since before you were born.
[upbeat music]
- [moans]
It's so good.
Give me some of this
right here.
- No, that's mine.
- Oh, sweet quesadilla.
I love you.
- Honey?
Honey, you need to
slow down.
That's the whole
left side of the menu.
- I am growing four humans
in my body cell by cell!
Do you not see what they're
doing inside of me?
- They're just kicking.
It's adorable.
Goo-goo-ga-ga.
- No, it is not
goo-goo-ga-ga.
It's like a
steel cage match in here.
[grunting]
- Take it back!
Take it back!
- Never!
- Don't tell me what to do!
- Goo-goo-ga-ga.
- What is that horrible noise?
- Goo-goo-ga-ga.
- Make it stop!
- Maybe this will work!
- Ow.
Making it worse!
[screams]
- And you're
still arguing like that,
which means you're not
responsible enough
to stay home alone.
- Well, then what if you put
one of us in charge?
That way,
we'll have one clear leader,
which means no arguing
and no problems.
- Oh, and
I bet you have an opinion
of who that person should be.
- I do.
You.
- [gasps]
Don't let my gasp fool you.
I knew this moment would come.
I even have
a presentation titled
"Ricky Harper's Guide
to Responsibly
Staying Home Alone."
- See, honey?
There is nothing to worry about.
- Have you met
our children, Anne?
- Okay, look. Why don't we just
go to El Pepper Pot?
That way, we can still
have our date night,
but we'll be close
in case anything happens.
[dog barks]
[laughs]
See?
Even Squishy approves.
He loves it when we bring him
his favorite nacho balls.
- It's true.
He does.
Then it's settled.
You take Squishy
to El Pepper Pot,
and I'll stay here
with the kids.
- Or you can take me
to El Pepper Pot,
and we can stay married.
- All right, kids.
You're on your own.
all: Yes!
- Make good choices, and
call us if you need anything.
- Don't burn the house down--
- Don't look back!
all: Yes!
- First time
alone in the house.
What do we do first,
Captain?
- I'll grab my presentation.
You guys should get some snacks.
It's got
quite the running time.
Dah!
- Oh, Ricky.
So cute, so innocent.
So not in charge.
- What?
- Look at me.
I'm the captain now.
both: Uh-oh.
[whimpers]
[upbeat music]
- ♪ Na na na na na na
na na na na na ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪
- ♪ Na na na na na na
na na na na na ♪
[whistling]
♪ ♪
- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ Na na na na na na ♪
♪ Na na na na na na ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪
- ♪ One, two ♪
- ♪ Na na na na na na ♪
- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
[upbeat music]
- What do you mean,
you're the captain now?
You made me the captain.
I'm the captain.
You guys heard her.
- I don't really
listen much.
- Well, she did.
Somebody salute me!
- I was only saying that to get
Mom and Dad out of the house.
Now, if anyone is
in charge, it's me.
After all, I've been the captain
since the day we were born.
- Looks pretty scary.
What do you think is out there?
- I don't know,
because I'm not the leader.
And I'm not smart.
- Let's ask the captain.
- It has been a long voyage,
womb mateys.
But it is time to abandon
this mother ship for dry land.
- But I'm scared, Captain.
- We must be brave,
little one,
and face whatever
is out there.
Now wait four seconds and then
follow me out into the unknown.
Let's bounce!
- What are seconds?
You can't possibly remember
any of that.
- You have your memories.
I have mine.
Now, my first decision
is for us to...
watch TV.
- Where does she come up
with this stuff?
- Permission to come aboard,
Captain?
- Permission granted.
- Hey, Captain, the dog needs to
go outside and drop an anchor.
- My second decision
is to unlock the doggy door
so we don't have to spend the
next 20 minutes walking him.
[snaps fingers]
- [sighs]
I'm pretty sure Mom and Dad keep
that locked for a reason.
- Come on, boy!
Come on!
Relax. Now he's free to do his
business wherever he wants.
- Wow, he's really
digging back there.
- I've never seen him dig
so fast.
- See?
Look how happy he is.
Look at his
little paws go.
[dog barks]
- And there he goes!
Right under the fence.
- And out of the yard.
- Run!
- Wait!
I'm the captain now.
I say when we run.
Now we run!
[upbeat music]
- ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la ♪
- Isn't this great, Tom?
[chuckles]
Do you remember
when I was pregnant
and I ordered, like,
this whole side of the menu?
- Yeah, that was crazy.
Those are just appetizers.
Hi.
I'd like to order
this whole side of the menu.
- Tom, you just ordered
nine entrées.
- Oh.
Ooh, right.
And whatever
the lady wants.
- Uh, the lady is going
to need a minute.
- Yeah, but you can
get rolling on mine.
- Honey, why are you
ordering so much?
- It was fine
when you did it.
- Yeah, but when I did it,
I had a belly full of kids.
- Yeah, well, I have a house
full of kids, Anne.
And who knows
what they're up to?
[crunching]
We're going to need
a bigger basket!
- There he is!
- And there he goes.
- And there they are!
- Aye, aye, aye!
- You, you, you what?
- No, aye, aye, aye,
what are we going to do?
- Oh, first Dawn's going
to look at me.
- For what?
- This.
I'm the captain now.
- Aye, aye, aye.
I can't believe I looked.
- You may have been
born first,
but I've always
been calling the shots.
- I don't know about you guys,
but I'm scared.
- Me too.
If only there was
a much more intelligent,
well-read leader
to help guide us.
- Yes, if only.
I've just finished reading
"Good Night, Womb,"
and I have a theory
about the outside world.
Dawn...
Take a walk with me.
So how do you think
it's been going in here?
Can you believe it's already
been nine months?
- I know.
The time just flies.
- So do you.
- [screams]
- What was that?
- I needed to test my theory.
And I'm correct.
She didn't come back,
so it must be nice out there.
Four, three, two!
Let's roll!
See? I've always been
the man with a plan.
Now, we need to go in there
and get Squishy
before Mom and Dad see him.
- But how are we going to do
that without them seeing us?
["Mexican Hat Dance"]
♪ ♪
- You brought
a fake mustache?
- You didn't?
- Anybody see Squishy?
- No, but look at all that food
on Mom and Dad's table.
- Were they meeting friends?
Because that's a lot of
nacho balls.
- Squishy's heading
right for 'em.
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
- Oh, look, honey.
They must be having
a date night too.
[giggles]
It's so romantic.
Here, hold my hand.
Honey, this is out of control.
- No, it is perfectly
in control.
May I please have
my hand back?
I want to eat it.
- Tom, relax.
Trust me,
the kids are home safe.
- Excuse me, waiter?
Can we get some more chips,
please?
- [in deep voice]
Si.
- Wait a second.
Something's wrong here.
And some table-side guac.
- Si.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don?
Don's another word for "sir"
in Spanish.
Don, my good man.
We would also like
a fajita platter, please.
- Si.
- Merci.
- Squishy's too close to
Mom and Dad.
What are we going to do?
- You're going to let the
captain take care of it.
Squishy, Squishy.
I got your favorite,
nacho balls.
See?
Here he comes.
- There he goes again.
- Run!
- No fair!
You got to say "run"
when you were captain!
♪
- This is hopeless.
We've looked everywhere.
- Great job, el capitan.
Now Squishy's really lost.
- Me?
You left the doggy door open.
- Hey, look.
Squishy's inside.
- Because I left
the doggy door open.
- It looks like Squishy
has company.
- Because you left
the doggy door open.
- Those nacho balls
are every dog's favorite.
- We've got to get them
out of our house.
- Uh-oh.
We're locked out.
- I wish there was
a way to pick this lock.
Wait a minute.
Dawn, let me have
one of your hairpins.
- Oh, good idea!
- Now I can get
a better look.
Nope.
No way to pick it.
- No, no, no!
- No!
- Really?
[upbeat music]
- ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la ♪
- We checked the front door
and the garage door.
- Everything's locked.
- We got to get in there
before they destroy the house.
- Okay, if my calculations
are correct,
we can jump off that tree,
onto the hammock,
which will catapult us onto the
roof and then down the chimney.
- And right into the hospital.
- Sorry, Ricky,
but you're not the captain of
this ship anymore.
- Neither of you are.
- You think you could do better?
- Well, it would definitely
be a lot safer.
After all, according to my best
pre-birth memory...
- I'm going first.
- No, I'm going first.
- Trust me, they're going to
want to see this first.
- Who's "they"?
What are you talking about?
[whistle blows]
- What are you doing?
- Whoa, he has a whistle.
He must be in charge.
- It's true.
Whistles traditionally indicate
some type of authority.
- We should probably
listen to him.
- If you all fall down together,
you'll get stuck.
So line up
in an orderly fashion!
Wait for my whistle...
[blows whistle]
Then go.
[blows whistle]
Go!
[blows whistle]
Go!
[blows whistle]
Go!
[blows whistle]
Go--
Oh, wait.
That's me.
Whee.
- There's no way
you had a whistle in there.
- Well, there's
no way you had a book,
but if you did have a book,
the name of that book would be
"I'm the Captain Now."
- Fine, Captain.
How do we get
in the house?
- Easy, through
the doggy door!
- We probably shouldn't have
gone all at once.
- This wouldn't have happened
if I'd had my whistle.
- This couldn't get
any worse.
[dog panting]
all: No, no, no, no, no, no!
Eww!
Ricky, Dicky, and Dawn:
You're out!
- That seems fair.
[upbeat music]
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
- Tom, that is the Papa Grande.
It's an eight-pound burrito.
You need to go slow.
- Too late!
The Papa Grande is
in Papa Tom.
- Well, you're going
to be popping buttons
if you don't stop
all this eating.
I can't believe you don't have
a stomachache by now.
- Honey, when you've got a
stomach of steel like I--
[stomach gurgling]
That's new.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
It's passed.
- Okay.
- Whoo! [laughs]
So you want to split
a Mexican chonga--
[stomach gurgling]
Oh! Uh-oh!
Ooh! Ooh!
- Okay, honey,
just breathe through it, okay?
[rhythmic breathing]
- Okay.
Okay, I'm fine.
- Great!
- I'm fine.
You know, I'm not even worried
about the kids anymore.
You know, we can still enjoy
a nice, romantic...
[stomach gurgling]
Evening! Ow!
La, la, la,
la, la, la, la.
Oh.
Oh, wow.
They're coming faster now, Anne.
- Okay--
- Oh! [babbles]
Oh!
Oh, wow!
It's like that burrito's
kicking in there.
- Okay!
Excuse me! Excuse me!
Can we get the check,
please?
- Oh, oh!
- Oh, no. I'm so sorry!
- My water broke, Anne!
- Let's get you home.
- So embarrassing!
- Come on.
You got this.
- [grunting]
- Okay, okay.
I am so sorry.
My husband is with burrito.
- You let me do this to myself!
- It's okay.
- Don't look at me!
I'm hideous!
[upbeat music]
- What are we going
to do now?
- If Mom and Dad come home
to find us like this,
they'll never let us
stay home alone again!
- Wait, who's
been the captain?
You've been the captain.
Hey, I'm the captain now.
Just like I was
when we were womb-ies.
- I'm scared.
- Me too.
I don't know what to do.
- If only we had
a calm, cool leader
with sweet hair
and smooth dance moves.
- [beatboxing]
- Like that guy!
- Wow, he's cool!
- And calm!
- For some reason,
I trust him.
- Here's what we got to do.
Everybody just relax,
clear your mind,
and we're going to
dance our way out of here.
Ladies first.
- What's a lady?
- I don't know,
but I have a feeling
they're going to love me.
Now let's dance.
all: ♪ Goo-goo-goo-goo-ga-ga! ♪
♪ Goo-goo-goo-goo-ga-ga! ♪
[screaming]
So that's all
we've got to do.
Just clear your mind, and dance
like no one's watching.
[beatboxing]
- How is this going to help?
- It's working.
I moved a little.
- The dog slobber
is making us slippery!
- But there's not
enough of it!
- Just keep dancing.
[beatboxing]
- Would you stop ooncing?
Your breath smells
like nacho balls.
- That's it!
Here, boy!
You want a treat?
[belches]
- Ugh.
- Eww!
- Gross!
- Oh so slimy.
- I'm okay with it.
- Now what?
- We oonce
our way out of here.
all: ♪ Oonce, oonce, oonce,
oonce, oonce, oonce ♪
- It worked!
[all cheer]
Now back in.
- Okay.
- Not all at once!
- Come on, guys.
We have to hurry.
Mom and Dad will be home
any minute,
and we've got to get
this kitchen cleaned up.
- And the living room.
[dogs barking]
- Why is everybody
looking at me?
- Because your plan worked.
- You're the captain now.
- Aye, aye, Captain.
- You, you captain?
No, me, me captain.
- We're really going to
let this guy be captain?
- No, I got this.
You're on trash cleanup.
You're on poop patrol.
You vacuum--
and not like how Dad vacuums,
like Mom.
- And what are you
going to do?
- I'm going to get these dogs
out of the house.
Here, boys.
[belches]
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Okay.
The house is clean.
Dicky!
- I tried to get them out,
but for some weird reason,
they keep
following me back in.
- Um, what's
in your pocket?
- Oh, I forgot.
I snagged a nacho ball
from the restaurant.
Now, what could these dogs want?
- [sighs]
You want it, boys?
You want it?
You want the ball?
Go get it.
Go get it!
Go on.
Go get it.
Uh-uh.
Not you.
- Come on. We're almost there.
- Oh, so much food!
- Mom and Dad are here!
- Oh, come on.
- Honey, let's get you
into the kitchen.
Some antacids will help.
- [groans]
You're never going to want to go
on another date night
with me again, are you?
- You don't want me to
answer that right now, Tom.
- To summarize, when parents
trust us to be left home alone,
responsibility is paramount,
for this is not only
a privilege but an honor.
Thank you.
[applause]
- Look, Tom.
Our responsible,
well-behaved children
are perfectly safe.
- That's right.
You left, and we
didn't even argue once.
- Aw.
See, Tom?
Oh, Squishy, we brought you home
your favorite nacho balls.
[barking]
- Uh, what happened
to your stomach, Dad?
- You look pregmint.
- Oh, your father ate
a little too much
because he was worried
about you guys.
I'm guessing he feels
a little silly now, huh?
- I'm feeling
a little something.
I'm going to get some tea.
- [sighs]
- So how was date night?
- Why is there a dog
in our cupboard?
- Uh, there's a logical
explanation for that.
- Yeah, it's not like we had
some big dog party in here.
[nervous laughter]
- What?
[dogs barking]
So you did have
a big dog party.
[barking]
A very big dog party.
- Okay, technically,
it was Squishy's party.
- After he ran out the doggy
door, dug under the fence,
and went to El Pepper Pot,
they followed him back here.
Ricky, Nicky, and Dawn: Dicky!
- Squishy was in
El Pepper Pot?
- Just until
we got him out.
Ricky, Nicky, and Dawn: Dicky!
- You were in
El Pepper Pot?
- Well, I guess I didn't do this
to myself for no reason.
Oh, who's my little
cup of tea?
Yes, you are.
- So any chance
this will affect
you letting us stay
home alone again?
- Hmm, well, there is a dog
licking guac off my shoe,
so I'm thinking we're
going back to the babysitter.
all: The babysitter.
- Ahh, the babysitter.
- Please get the dogs
out of the house.
- Take care of Chamomile for me.
- Don't worry.
Captain Dicky has a plan.
- No.
Every time one of us
tries to be the leader,
it just makes things worse.
- She's right.
- Yeah, we always
work best as a team.
- So let's do this.
Come on, pups.
- Come on, boy.
Come on.
- Me first.
- Ow.
- Me.
- No, me!
[all yelling]
- Guys, stop.
I may not be the captain,
but we know what we have to do.
all: ♪ Oonce, oonce, oonce,
oonce, oonce, oonce ♪
[whistling]
♪ ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Yeah! ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Yeah! ♪