[upbeat music]
No one's reading
our blog, Mae.
Not no one.
We got four hits.
Yeah, but two of them
were me.
There are still two more.
Those were you.
Look, we started writing
for FuzzFeed
to keep students informed.
[phone dings]
- Ooh, we got a fifth.
Still you, Mae.
But no one's going to read it
if they don't know about it,
so that is why I made
this poster.
- If kids won't read our blog,
what makes you think
they'll read our poster?
Uh, the glitter.
[yelps]
Good morning, ladies.
Nicky, what are you doing
in the school store?
I'm the new manager.
Welcome to...
Nicky's Get Schooly!
You made us
tear our poster.
We're trying to get
more readers for FuzzFeed.
Yeah. Nobody read
our last article.
"Budget Cut Crisis: Head Janitor
Now Also Lunch Lady."
Spoiler alert,
don't eat the mop bucket stew.
Hopefully more people
will read our next article.
It's about school safety.
Yeah. Disaster preparedness.
Next week is the anniversary
of the Avalanche of 1975.
Is that the one that
made Pigfoot?
You guys talking about Pigfoot?
Pigfoot's not real.
It's just an urban legend.
What's an urban legend?
It's a rumor that's been told
so many times,
people start to believe
it's true.
Like if you
swallow your gum,
it will stay in your stomach
for seven years.
Or that you'll use math
later in life.
I don't know anything
about gum or math,
but you guys should really
write about Pigfoot.
Sorry, but we only write
real news. The truth.
Important stuff.
That's why our motto is...
Real news. The truth.
Important stuff.
Exactly.
Like Pigfoot.
We're not writing
about Pigfoot.
- I am so proud of my students.
You two with the reporting,
you with the store,
and Ricky's
keeping the halls safe.
Keep up the good work.
Principal Tarian,
those are 50¢.
- Hmm.
What does 37¢ get me?
About 13¢ away
from a lollipop.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Yo, what are you doing?
I'm writing you up
for running in the halls.
Come on, cut me some slack.
The law cuts no slack.
Take it up with the principal.
[sighs]
Ugh. Rough morning.
This hall monitor
needs a lollipop.
Ooh, coffee and donut flavor.
So I just talked
to the principal,
and he told me
I should be more like you.
Well, he's a smart man.
So say hello
to your new partner.
What?
Ooh. Littering.
Going to have
to write you up for that.
[upbeat music]
♪ Na na na na na na
na na na na na, hey! ♪
♪ Na na na na na na
na na na na na ♪
[whistling melody]
♪ ♪
♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Na na na na na-na ♪
♪ Na na na na na-na, hey! ♪
- ♪ One, two ♪
- ♪ Na na na na na-na ♪
- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
- ♪ Na, na-na ♪
[upbeat music]
Wow, that sash
looks really good on you.
Which he's not supposed to be
wearing when he's off duty.
Chicks really dig it.
You know, there's a lot more
to being hall monitor
than impressing "chicks."
Okay, well, you do
whatever that stuff is,
and I'll take care
of the chick stuff.
See, the perfect team.
Good cop, good-looking cop.
Oh! My sash!
See, if you were wearing it,
that wouldn't have happened.
Oh, Tom, here's a coupon
for your bubble bath.
Oh, good, I'm out.
Get the one
in the teddy bear bottle.
It's the most manly.
[baby talk]
Who wants a treat?
[babbles]
Wow, I don't think
Squishy likes these anymore. He
used to gobble them right up.
Huh. Maybe they
changed the recipe.
Uh, no.
It's the same recipe.
That's so weird.
Here. Let's see.
What is going on, Anne?
Why is he taking treats from you
and not from me?
Okay, Tom,
this doesn't mean anything.
He still loves you.
Who said anything about him
not loving me?
Here you go, buddy.
[growls]
What did you
say to him?
Oh, man!
What's wrong, honey?
Did your wife turn your
beloved pet against you too?
Uh, no.
Mae and I posted
a new article,
but it hasn't gotten
any views yet.
What's it about?
School safety
and the Great Avalanche of '75.
Ooh, so it's about Pigfoot.
It's not about Pigfoot!
Half boy, half pig--
it's scientifically impossible.
But stranger things
have happened.
I can't believe that story
is still around.
I know. It's so ridiculous.
Where did it even come from?
[Tom]
It happened just before your mom
and I went to Edgewood.
It was the '70s.
The time of disco.
[disco music]
- People wore their pants
flared,
their shoes high,
and their hair big.
The only thing that mattered
was the beat.
- Just get to Pigfoot.
[Tom]
There was a student named Harry.
His family were pig farmers.
All Harry wanted to do
was tend his pigs and dance.
He loved disco music,
but the principal wouldn't
allow it in the school.
So he told Harry to take a hike.
Well, Harry took the principal
literally and set off
with his favorite pig Danny
in search of a place
where he could dance
to his heart's content.
But they got caught
in the terrible avalanche.
As they tumbled
down the mountainside,
they got squished together
into one being:
a boy with a pig nose,
a curly tail, and one pig foot.
Cursed to never dance again,
Pigfoot lives a lonely life
deep in the woods
in a brick house
where he's mighty mighty
and letting it all hang out.
So Pigfoot is real.
No, he's not real.
It's a legend.
And it's obvious hogwash.
[all laugh]
- That was good.
- Thank you.
Oh, Anne.
Don't be such a ham.
Get it, 'cause ham's like
another word for pig?
- Oh, we get it.
- Not your best stuff.
[growls]
[upbeat music]
Our avalanche story
got zero hits.
What are we doing wrong?
That poster had 4 pounds
of glitter, Mae.
No, the left foot
is the pig foot.
And he has a pig nose.
And one of my dads says he
breathes fire and farts lasers.
I wish the school cared
half as much about FuzzFeed
as they do
about that dumb pig boy.
We got to think big, Mae.
Our next poster, bedazzled.
[gasps]
We may even use felt.
[gasps]
So you like it?
No, my asthma's acting up.
That's better.
That's a terrible idea!
Listen, kids like Pigfoot.
You want more readers,
write about Pigfoot.
I don't know, Nicky.
We're honest reporters.
Honesty doesn't pay the bills,
honey.
You got to give the people
what they want.
I sell a lot more candy
than carrot sticks,
you know what I mean?
We're better than that.
Yeah, but nobody knows
we're better than that
until they read our stuff.
And to get them
to read our stuff,
maybe we need to write
about Pigfoot.
[gasps]
Asthma?
No, shock.
We're not writing about Pigfoot.
Look, if we can get
some people to read FuzzFeed
by making up a few crazy
stories, is that so bad?
What about our motto?
Real news. The truth.
Important stuff.
Once we hook them,
we'll go back to that motto.
But until then,
our new motto is:
Less troof. More hoof.
- How much hoof?
[school bell rings]
All right, come on, people,
let's move it.
I want these halls cleared.
Get to class.
All right,
let's go over SWERG again.
Stop.
Write.
Explain.
Rip.
Give. SWERG.
You try it.
Who needs SWERG
when you got swag?
Nobody's going to take you
seriously with those sunglasses.
Harper, no one is going
to take you seriously...
- Here it comes.
- With that dirty sash.
What is that? Soup?
Pea.
You peed on your sash?
No. Pea soup.
You ate in your sash?
You know you're not supposed to
wear it off-duty.
[laughs]
You said duty, sir.
[chuckles]
I did, didn't I?
Why can't you be more
like your brother, huh?
Clean sash, cool shades,
sophisticated sense of humor.
I salute you, Dicky.
So what I took from that is,
I'm your boss now.
You're not my boss!
Watch this.
I'm about to get my SWERG on.
Stop! Do you have a hall pass?
I don't know.
Do you have a wedgie?
'Cause that can be arranged.
Okay. Just take this
to the principal.
Oh, Kedj, buddy, I get it.
Nobody understands how annoying
Sergeant Sweater-Vest can be
more than me.
But he kind of has a point
about the hall pass thing.
And we do have you on video
giving wedgies.
[muffled]
You have video?
Tons. But listen, if you go
to the principal for this,
I'll make the wedgie thing
go away. Deal?
Deal.
We don't have any video.
Well, it worked.
Yes, but we can't lie
like that.
Hall monitors need to hold
themselves to a higher standard.
Look, Ricky, sometimes
you have to break the rules
to enforce the rules.
Just try these on.
No, thanks.
In my office, now.
Nice job, Dicky.
You're his boss now.
So you want to SWERG
or you want to swag?
Oh, I'll swag.
But I am not happy about it.
- [sighs]
- Those are upside down.
There's still some things
I'm going to do my way.
[upbeat music]
Okay, buddy, here we go.
Ha ha!
- Squeaky toy?
[toy squeaks]
Non-squeaky toy?
- Okay, Tom,
I fixed the transmission.
What are you doing?
I am trying to fix
my relationship with Squishy.
Money?
Hey, that's my wallet.
What is happening?
Squishy used to be
man's best friend, and now
he's Anne's best friend.
Oh, I don't think that's it.
[laughs]
No, maybe it is.
Our squishues started
after we took him to the vet
and they put him
in the cone of shame.
[growls]
[barks]
Hey, maybe you're right.
Maybe? I am right. And it's your
fault. You're the one who made
me take him to the vet.
What? He had a hot spot.
Yeah, well,
now he has a cold spot. In his
heart. For me.
Squishy, I am going
to make it up to you. I am going
to shame myself until you
forgive me.
[sighs]
Tom, that is crazy.
You're right.
I'm going to need a bigger cone.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[phone dings]
400 hits, Mae!
Our plan worked!
Great. Now can we go back
to writing the real news?
Absolutely. We've written
our last fake story.
Say good-bye to Pigfoot.
Get your Pigfoot products here.
Only at Nicky's Get Piggy!
We've got orange and green
Pigfoot sticks.
Those are just carrots
and celery.
Yeah, but I wrote "Pigfoot"
on the label,
and now everyone
wants to buy them.
So keep those Pigfoot articles
coming.
It's great for business.
Awesome article.
I can't believe there was
an actual Pigfoot sighting.
Can't wait to read
more about Pigfoot.
Actually, our next article is
about the dangers
of the playground.
It's called
"Splinters on the See-Saw:
"Why Recess Is
a Pain in the Butt."
Eh, I'm not going
to read that.
Tell us when you
write about Pigfoot.
We'll have
another Pigfoot post tomorrow.
We will?
We just got
some new information.
We did?
- Ooh, what is it?
- Did you interview him?
- Did you get him on video?
- Did you touch his pig foot?
Yes, yes, and you'll just
have to log on to find out.
Oh, I will.
I bet she touched the foot!
A videotaped interview?
What happened to us saying
good-bye to Pigfoot?
We did say good-bye.
But you know how sometimes
your mom invites that one friend
over for dinner, and you really
don't want him to be there?
- But then 400 people--
[ding]
407 people want him to stay?
Who are we
to tell those people no?
We finally have readers, Mae.
We can't lose them now.
Well, you lost me.
I quit.
[upbeat music]
Brenner, tuck in that shirt.
Johanssen, no eating
in the hall.
All right, Lanny, you ready
to admit you're the litterbug?
[Lanny]
I'm not the litterbug.
I'm the gum chewer!
Then who's
the litterbug?
I don't know.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you putting students
in lockers?
No.
Principal Tarian,
we both know sometimes
you have to break the rules
to enforce the rules.
No, you do not.
You are a hall monitor.
You need to hold yourself
to a higher standard.
This is a clear abuse
of your duty.
[both]
Ha ha, you said "duty."
It is not funny this time.
You're both fired.
Turn in your sashes.
Aw, I guess
we should have SWERGed.
Oh, well.
You live, you learn.
Welcome to FuzzFeed.
So, Mr. Foot...
[altered voice]
Please, call me Pig.
May I touch your hoof?
So what's the first thing
you're going to do
when you come back to Edgewood?
Well, you know,
I want to boogie down
and get my revenge
on the principal.
But if there's one thing I love
more than disco and revenge,
it's the bargains
at Nicky's Get Piggy!
Our video is crushing it.
FuzzFeed is blowing up.
What did I tell you?
The pig is big, baby! Big!
Look!
There's our favorite reporter!
[all cheering]
Is Pigfoot really coming back
to get revenge on the principal?
Does he eat bacon?
When he orders a BLT
does he ask for a Me-L-T?
Don't worry. All your questions
will be answered.
Just keep checking FuzzFeed.
Wait!
But how did you find him?
A real reporter never reveals
her secrets.
You got a bright future, kid.
A real reporter?
So a real reporter dresses
her brother up like a pig
and makes up a bunch of lies?
Well, you know what feels
better than the truth?
Nice job, Dawn.
That.
I don't even know that guy.
And I don't even
know you anymore.
It's all your fault.
We only got kicked off the force
because we did things your way.
Well, at least
we got to hang out together.
We're hanging from the lockers
by our underwear.
Together.
So what do you make
of this Pigfoot business?
Pigfoot's not real.
Of course Pigfoot's not real!
But just in case he is,
I do not want that thing
in my hallways.
You're re-hired.
Find him, get rid of him.
Or your sashes are mine.
[both]
Yes, sir!
We're back.
Oh, yeah. How are we
going to get down?
I don't know.
[upbeat music]
Come on,
what's next for Pigfoot?
You've always had good ideas.
You can do this by yourself.
You don't need Mae.
So you're really going
to keep this going?
- Of course
she's going to keep it going.
The pig is big, baby! Big!
And it's time to make it bigger.
No. It's time for Dawn
to finally tell the truth.
Don't listen to her.
Give the people what they want.
Don't listen to him.
He just wants you
to keep lying,
so he can sell more stuff.
- Pigfoot!
- Truth!
- Pigfoot!
- Truth!
- Pigfoot!
- Truth!
- Pigfoot!
[muffled shouting]
I know what I need to do.
- Don't worry, Squish.
As soon as Daddy's done putting
this cereal away, we can--
Well, I think
Daddy's done with chores.
So you want to go for a walk?
What do you say?
[growls]
Why are you growling?
I'm wearing the cone.
I thought we were buddies again.
You know what, fine.
I'm taking this thing off.
Okay, Tom,
I went to six different stores,
but I finally found
your bubble bath.
Wow.
- He--
- I don't care.
They were out
of the no tears formula,
so just be really careful
about getting your bubble beard
in your eyes.
Oh.
Thanks, Anne.
I figured it was best
to stay home
ever since I got that ticket
for driving with a cone on.
[barking]
Oh.
Wait a minute.
I ran out of bubble bath
at the same time we started
having problems.
[barks]
That's it!
It wasn't the cone at all,
was it, boy?
[barks]
You missed our bubble baths,
didn't you, buddy?
[barks]
Woof! Woof!
[upbeat music]
Nicky, I need your help.
- What's up?
- Hang these up.
I'm going to go give everybody
what they want.
Pigfoot. In the flesh.
Happy to help.
This is a trick I know, sis.
So, if Pigfoot shows up,
you ready?
He's not real, so yeah.
I'm all set.
Psst!
It's me, the principal.
Look, I'm sure this Pigfoot
stuff is all a hoax.
But Dawn did print it
in FuzzFeed,
and we all know
she always writes the truth.
So I'm relying on you two
and this mustache to protect me.
Hey, Principal Tarian.
It's down to you two.
Hello, hello.
Thank you all for coming
and for reading my articles.
We want Pigfoot.
[all yelling]
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Classmates.
Who better to answer
all your Pigfoot questions
than Pigfoot himself?
[all]
Pigfoot! Pigfoot! Pigfoot!
[cheering]
Can you pig it?
[all]
Yeah!
Nicky, what are you doing here?
You said you needed my help.
We're giving the school Pigfoot.
I just wanted you
to hang up the posters.
Oh.
Well, you live, you learn.
[snorts and grunts]
We got him!
He's real!
He's totally real!
I can't believe he's real!
I knew he wasn't real.
So he's a fake?
So these are
just regular carrots?
Yeah.
Dawn made the whole thing up.
[all]
Boo!
Sorry, Dawn.
No, Mae, you're right.
The Pigfoot that you all
believed in,
the Pigfoot that I helped you
believe in, is a lie.
FuzzFeed promised you
real news.
The truth.
Important stuff.
But I broke that promise.
So, to make up for it,
I spent all night doing research
and found the real Pigfoot.
[all murmuring]
Hello, everybody.
My name is Harry Kawalsky.
And as you can see,
I have two normal feet.
And I'm not a pig.
[all]
Boo!
- It may not be what you want
to hear, but it's the truth.
Harry's family moved away
from their pig farm
the day of the avalanche,
so everyone just assumed
he got caught in it
and fused together with his pig.
It's an honest mistake.
So there really is
no Pigfoot.
[all]
Aw.
But the dancing part is true.
Now, who wants to learn
to disco dance?
[all]
Yeah!
[disco music]
- Five, six, seven.
♪ ♪
I'm sorry I got carried away.
Be my partner again?
Of course. Great work
finding the true Pigfoot.
Now that's real reporting.
[Ricky]
No dancing in the halls!
No dancing.
♪ ♪
♪ Na na na na na na
na na na na na ♪
♪ Na na na na na na
na na na na na na ♪
[whistling]
♪ ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪