[upbeat music]
- Ugh! I can't stand gym!
- Me neither.
- Gym is the worst.
- Yeah, Jim.
Beat it.
- Not Jim--gym!
- Sorry, Jim.
- It's okay.
I hate gym too.
- Dude, don't be so
hard on yourself.
- [sighs heavily]
You're supposed to be doing
jumping jacks, kids.
Those are... just jacks.
[kids moaning]
- Is gym really so awful?
- Well, Jim thinks so.
But we're working on that.
- Gym's just so pointless.
- So the thing I've dedicated
my life to is pointless?
- Yeah, that about sums it up.
- For the most part, yes.
- It's not your fault.
Studies have shown
that physical activity
just isn't as important
as mental activity.
- Is that true?
- Does it matter?
We haven't had to do
jumping jacks for 12 seconds.
- Fine.
I will give you a choice.
For the rest of the year,
do you want to do organized
physical activity
that will benefit your health,
or do what the Harpers
are suggesting
and just be left alone to
fritter your lives away?
- We're gonna go with fritter.
- Fine. That's it.
I give up.
I'm literally throwing in
the towel.
Thanks to the Harpers,
you are free to fritter.
[all cheering]
- Nice!
- Harpers!
all: ♪ We are free to fritter ♪
♪ Fritter, fritter, fritter ♪
♪ We are free to fritter ♪
- Why aren't you frittering?
- Um, I'm frittering
in my own way.
- Those are my rockets.
You can't tape them
to your skateboard.
- I know.
That's why I taped them
to your skateboard.
- Well, it's not safe.
Use your brain.
- I'm wearing a helmet.
- That is also my helmet!
- Careful, kids.
Just taking down this "Physical
Fitness Matters" banner.
Because apparently,
it doesn't.
- What's the big deal?
You never use your
skateboard anyway.
- Sure I do!
In fact, I'm going
to use it right now!
- Well, you better take
your precious helmet
so you don't hurt the brain
you like to use.
- Well, at least my brain
isn't dumb enough
to be on this board when
those rockets go off.
- Hey, guys,
join the fritter line.
- I'll fritter with you.
[rockets blasting]
- Whoa!
- Whuh-uhhhh!
[crash]
- [gasping]
I'm fine!
I'm fine.
- I'm not.
- It was a wig!
[upbeat music]
- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na,
na, na, na, na, na ♪
[whistling]
♪ ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪
♪ One, two ♪
- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪
♪♪
- Who was responsible for this?
- It... was...
the... Harp...
- [chuckling] Well,
you heard him, Principal Tarian.
It was the harp.
- I knew we shouldn't have
stored the band equipment
in the gym.
Well, you kids stay
away from that harp
while I call in a substitute.
I hope Mr. McGee is available.
all: Pull-Ups McGee?!
- Let's warm up...
with a set of 50.
- We're never gonna survive
Pull-Ups McGee.
- First you gave us frittering,
and then you took it away!
- I wish I'd never known
frittering at all.
- You need to fix this, Harpers.
- Okay, hold on!
When have we ever let you down?
- I have a list in my locker.
- Very funny.
- No, he actually has a list.
- I've seen it.
It's not short.
- Fix this, Harpers.
[angry muttering]
♪♪
- I know I promised to play ball
with you, Shelley,
but I need this list
of Phys. Ed. substitutes!
Okay.
Mwah.
Okay.
- Now, now,
let's not be hasty.
Pull-Ups McGee got the call the
last time Coach Fessler was out.
- Don't you think our
hungry young minds
deserve variety
in our educators?
- I mean, McGee is McGood,
but why not go for McGreat?
- Or McAnyone Else.
- Or...
that guy.
- Ooh.
- Yes!
- McPerfect.
[phone ringing]
- Tom's Get Sporty.
This is Tom.
Yes, sir, Principal Tarian, sir.
I'm your man.
Y-you can count on me!
Guess what, Anne?
They need a substitute
gym teacher and they...
they asked me!
- You?
That's... great, Tom.
- Do I detect a hint
of jealousy?
- No, no, no.
No, just, you know...
just wondering why
they didn't ask me.
- Oh.
- We're both qualified P.E. subs
and my name is first
alphabetically.
Anne comes before Tom.
- Yes, well, that's because
I told them my name
was Aaamazing Tom.
- [gasps]
- With three A's.
To come higher on the lists.
- [gasps loudly]
That's cheating!
- Is it, Anne?
Or does it show who has
a stronger desire to teach?
- I'm gonna go with cheater.
- I'm gonna go with jealous.
- Cheater.
- Jealous.
- Cheater!
- Jealous.
- Customer!
- Jealous.
- Customer.
He's a cheater.
- She's just jealous.
- Cheater!
[upbeat music]
- I don't know.
Are we sure inviting Dad
to spend any more
time in our lives
is a good idea?
- It's gonna be a little
embarrassing to have him as a
teacher,
but at least the whole class
won't be mad at us.
- Besides, Dad is such
a people-pleaser, all we have to
do is push the right buttons
to make sure he pleases
the right people.
- Namely us.
- Hey, kids!
I can't wait till tomorrow.
- Cheater!
- Jealous!
- I am so excited to physically
educate you and your friends.
Hey, check out my lesson plan.
- Lesson plan?
- [high-pitched] Lesson plan?
- [higher-pitched] Lesson plan?!
- I can't go that high,
so I'm just gonna
start us over.
[deeply] Lesson plan?
- What's wrong with
a lesson plan?
- [laughs] You don't need one.
- But I want to be just like
your regular teacher.
- Then you definitely
don't need one.
- Uh, yeah, Coach Fessler has
this new, innovative curriculum
that everybody loves.
He calls it "kick back
and chill."
- Oh. Kickball and chill.
Gotcha.
- No ball.
Back.
Kick back...
- And chill.
- Hey there, Squish.
All right.
This doesn't seem like exercise.
[together] Exactly.
♪♪
- Hey! This better
be good, Harpers.
[together] It will be.
- Good morning, students.
You may know me as the Tom
from Tom's Get Sporty.
Check us out online.
But today, I'm Mr. Harper.
And I'm gonna teach you...
to kick back...
and chill.
- This is great.
- You saved gym class.
- Yeah, and he's not even
embarrassing us.
- Now, I don't know how you guys
kick back and chill,
but this is how I do it.
[exhales]
Whoo!
- Sorry about the short shorts.
- No, your dad's hilarious.
- Good job, Harpers.
Looks like I got to scratch this
off the list.
- Told you we'd handle it.
- What are you kids
standing around for?
Get to kickin' and chillin'.
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
- Let's conga!
all: ♪ We are kickin'
and chillin' ♪
♪ Chillin', chillin', chillin' ♪
- Hey, if those shorts
are the worst he's got,
we're golden.
[harp resonates]
♪ ♪
- Okay, shorts and a harp.
We can live with that.
- ♪ Ave ♪
♪ Maria ♪
[laughter]
- Unbelievable.
- [laughs] Just wait till you
hear what happens next.
- Uh, she made, uh...
hey, you're just in time
for the best part.
Uh, make that face you made
when you were three
and you pooped in the display
toilet at the hardware store.
Yup, that's the face!
You see it?
Did you see it?
[laughing]
- Dawn, why are you making
"hardware store poop face"?
- We have a serious problem.
- [snorts] Yeah, you said that
at the hardware store.
- No! This is a big mess.
- You said that too.
- Dad just told everybody
that story.
[all laughing]
- It's not funny!
We have to do something.
- Sorry, Dawn, but I don't see
how this affects us.
- If you like that one,
wait'll you hear about the time
the boys' bathing suits fell off
at the water park.
[yelps]
[laughter]
- This is wildly uncomfortable.
- That's what you said
at the water park.
- ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪
- So Nicky, Ricky, and Dicky
were standing at the top
of the water slide.
Now, I told them, "Make sure you
tie your suits," right?
- We have to stop him!
- Um, Mr. Harper,
a word.
- To be continued.
- Dad, why are you telling them
these stories?
- I was just kickin' back
and chillin'.
- No, we do the kickin' back
and chillin'.
You do the standin'
and watchin'.
- Remember, you're the teacher.
Don't be so buddy-buddy
with everybody.
- Too buddy-buddy.
Gotcha.
[relieved sighs]
Line up!
All right.
This... is a squat thrust.
First you squat...
and then you thrust.
- What did you do to him?
- Don't worry.
We got this.
Mr. Harper, another word.
- What are you doing?!
- What? You said I was
too buddy-buddy.
- Now you're too
squatty-thrusty!
- First you were too soft,
and now you're too hard.
We need you to be just right.
- Got it.
I know just what to do.
- Okay.
Don't worry.
We fixed it.
- Okay, class, I think I have
an activity
that's juuuust right.
Kids, your Goldilocks story
reminded me of something
we used to do when
you were little.
- What is he doing?
- Dawn and her brothers are
gonna show you a little game
we used to play in
our house called...
[together] Uh-oh.
- Meow-Meow.
- Oh, no.
- [high-pitched] Oh, no.
- [higher-pitched] Oh, no!
- [deeply] Oh, no.
- What's Meow-Meow?
- It's nothing.
- Ah, ah.
You didn't think it was nothing
when you were six.
Come on, show 'em how it's done.
- I'd rather do pull-ups.
- Oh, come on.
- Show us how it's done.
- See? Everyone wants Meow-Meow.
Yup, Meow-Meow...
[all chanting]
Meow-Meow! Meow-Meow!
- Mae, you too?
- Sorry, Dawn.
I got to see this.
- On your mark, get set...
Meow-Meow!
[together] Meow, meow,
meow, meow...
Meow, meow...
- Meow! Meow!
Meow! Meow!
Bathe those paws!
Bathe those paws,
bathe those paws.
Bat that yarn.
Come on.
There you go.
[together] Meow, meow, meow.
Meow, meow, meow.
- What have we done?
- He's literally
ruining our lives.
- At least our friends
are happy.
- Everybody Meow-Meow!
Paws up, kittens.
Come on, let's go.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow...
all: Meow. Meow. Meow.
- This is all your fault,
Harpers.
[together] Harpers?!
- She never calls us Harpers.
all: Meow. Meow. Meow.
[hissing]
- These kitties have claws!
- [screaming]
- ♪ Oh, oh, ay ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh, oh ♪
- Of the 4,762 days
we've been alive,
this is the worst.
- Everyone at school
wants our heads.
- Hey, kids.
Chicken pot pie
is almost ready.
[humming]
[laughs]
- What's so funny?
- Can't say.
Cat's got my tongue.
I'm sorry, I just can't
believe that your dad
made the whole class
play Meow-Meow.
He actually had you
and all of your friends
prance around the gym
like widdle kitties.
[purrs]
- Stop making us relive it!
Oh! Ha.
If I were your teacher,
I would never make you play
such a childish game.
- [sighs] Too bad you're not
on the substitute list.
- Oh, but I am,
my little kittens.
- Too soon, Mom.
- Wait, if you
were on the list,
your name would alphabetically
come before Dad's.
- Ah, you would think so,
but you would also think
that your father wasn't
a cheater!
- Jealous!
- Oh, well, guess you're stuck
with Mr. Meow-Meow.
- Yeah.
- Even though...
I'm on the list.
- Yeah.
- And I could be your teacher.
- Yeah.
- Do you see where
I'm going with this?
- No.
- [sighs]
- Wait a minute.
You could be our teacher!
- [gasps]
Wait, no. Me?
But how would that
even be possible?
I mean, your dad
already has the job.
[together] Yeah.
- Unless he didn't.
- What does that mean?
[together] Ahhh.
- Nope, nothing.
- Not a clue.
- I just went "ahh"
because they did.
- I'm just saying you guys
got him the job,
so I'm sure you could
un-get him the job.
- But how would we do that?
- Gosh, I don't have
to tell you what to do.
Just Quaddle up, plot something,
and take care of business.
[together] Right.
[murmuring]
- We need you to tell us
what to do.
- [sighs] For goodness sakes.
[whispering]
Get your dad fired.
[together] Ahhh.
- Then who will teach us?
- Arrrgh.
- She means we should get
Dad fired and Mom hired.
[timer dings]
- Now I get it.
- Looks like the chicken plot
pie is ready.
- Okay, but just remember,
what gets plotted in the kitchen
stays in the kitchen.
This conversation
never happened.
- What conversation?
- Ugh, the one we just had
where Mom told us to get
Dad fired and her hired.
- ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
[all meowing]
- All right!
Shelly and I have seen enough.
I grant you it's embarrassing,
but I don't know if making you
play Meow-Meow
is a fire-able offense.
- Um, he also said turtles
are stupid pets.
- He's gone.
- ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ La, la, la, la ♪
[blasts whistle]
- Line up, everybody.
I'm Ms. Harper.
And I know I'm new,
but I am hoping that I will
"work out" better than
your last teacher.
[laughter]
- Not her best material,
but at least we're not
lapping up milk.
- Yeah.
Hey, getting Dad fired
and Mom hired
was the best thing
we could've ever done.
- Yeah.
- Ms. Harper's kinda cute.
- Smokin' cute.
- That's our mom!
- No, your mom is Mrs. Harper.
The teacher is Ms. Harper.
- What's going on?
They just fist-bumped over Mom.
- There will be no
fist-bumping over our mom!
- Yeah. You met our mom
a thousand times.
- Yeah, but she's never
worn a whistle before
and told us what to do.
- Okay, I'm gonna need
a volunteer to hold my feet
while I demonstrate
a proper sit-up.
- Excuse me while I demonstrate
a proper throw-up.
♪♪
- It's so weird that
they think Mom's cute.
- I don't see it.
- Why are you looking for it?!
- Let's not overreact.
Maybe it's just
an "at school" thing.
[doorbell chimes]
- Hey, guys.
- Is Ms. Harper around?
- Okay, Ms. Harper
has got to go.
- Just one thing first.
What? Free chocolates.
- Okay, we have to think
of a plan to get Mom fired.
- Hey, guys.
Do you have any idea who
told Principal Tarian
that I think turtles
are stupid pets?
[muttering incoherently]
I think it might've
been your mother.
- No! [muttering]
- So it was her!
Your mother's a wonderful woman,
but she does not like to lose.
I admire her competitive spirit,
even though she's a cheater!
- Jealous!
- She's right, I am jealous.
Eh, if you want your
old teacher back,
you know where to find him.
In the kitchen...
Eating chocolates.
- Dad's right.
We need to get our
old teacher back.
- But he took our chocolates.
- Not Dad!
Coach Fessler!
And if you really want
more chocolates...
- And the bear.
- Happy?
- You are bear-y special,
Ms. Harper.
- Nope.
- ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
- Uh, excuse us.
We're looking for
Coach Fessler.
- Sorry, kids.
You're too late.
- Too late?
Where is he?
- He's gone.
- What, you mean he's gone home?
- Oh, no.
He's gone to
the big gym upstairs.
- Guess he won't need
this pudding cup.
Ow.
- You never eat
another man's pudding.
Especially when he's gone
to the big gym upstairs.
- Seems like a perfect time
to eat his pudding.
Don't you think that's what
he would've wanted?
- I think he would've wanted to
be here to eat his own pudding.
- I can't believe he's gone.
- What are we gonna do?
He's never coming back.
- I'm gonna miss him.
- Me too.
- He was the best gym teacher
we ever had.
And we just frittered
our time away.
- I wish he was here so we could
tell him that we were wrong.
- [sniffs] Smells like
he's still here.
I just got a whiff
of that tangy mix
of cheap cologne and old sweat.
- And garlic.
He ate a lot of garlic.
- If you can hear us, Coach...
we're sorry.
Physical fitness does matter.
- I can hear you.
[all scream]
- He's a ghost!
- You're the best teacher ever,
Ms. Harper.
- Did you re-gift this?
- No...
Ms. Harper.
- You're alive?
- Of course I'm alive.
- But the nurse told us that you
went to the big gym upstairs.
- I did. There's a big gym
on the 12th floor.
[together] Ohhh.
- I'm being discharged later,
so before I head home,
I wanted to sweat out
some of this garlic.
- Well, mission accomplished.
- Wait, you're going home?
Does that mean you'll be
back at school tomorrow?
- [laughs] Yeah,
that's not gonna happen.
Now let me eat my pudding
in peace.
- Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
It's what you would've wanted.
- But you're coming back
eventually, right?
- Actually, no.
I'm thinking of retiring.
- Retiring?!
You can't do that.
Didn't you hear all the nice
things we said about you?
- You just said those 'cause
you thought I went to
the big gym upstairs.
- Yeah, but point is
we said them.
- And we meant most of them.
- Did you mean the one about
physical fitness matters?
- Uh, is that what means
the most to you?
Then yes, we did.
- So I really made a difference
in your lives?
- Is that what you need
to hear to come back?
Then yes.
- We promise to be
better students.
- And we'll try to get the rest
of the class to be better too.
- And we can honestly say
you're the best gym teacher
we've ever had.
- For real.
- Yup.
- Yeah.
- All right, I'll come back.
[together] Yes!
- Maybe I've been wrong about
you Harpers all this time.
You're not such terrible kids.
- That's the spirit!
- Now let's go get you some
pudding to celebrate.
[grunts] Come on, guys.
Help me.
This thing won't budge.
- Oh, that's because
I locked the wheels.
Ahhhhhh!
- It's good that we're
on the first floor.
- We're on the second floor!
- Go, go, go!
[all grunting]
- Don't worry, Coach!
We've got you!
- Turns out he's right.
Physical fitness does matter.
[grunting, straining]
- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
[whistling]
♪ ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Yeah! ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Yeah! ♪