[upbeat rock music]
- How about these American flag
earrings?
Do these say Spirit of
Independent school recital?
- Oh, totally.
Oh, hey, what about
these magnetic earrings?
Do they say, "I'm super lame
'cause I don't have
my ears pierced yet?"
[laughter]
- Nailed it.
[chuckles]
- Dawn, no one
can tell they're fake.
[thuds]
- That'll tell 'em.
[laughter]
- Why won't they stay on?
- Oh, sweetie.
You've got some
serious D.E.L.s.
- D.E.L.s?
- Dense earlobes.
It's a thing.
That's why those magnets
don't work for you.
And those shoes
are questionable.
[laughter]
- The shoes are fine...
but those lobes
are pretty meaty.
[laughter]
- Do a lot of people have this?
- Oh, goodness, I hope not.
It must run in your family.
- Nope.
- These magnets
work just fine for us.
- I'm wearing five pairs.
[laughter]
- I hate that they look
prettier than me.
- And the skinny one
has better shoes.
I just call it as I
see it, girl.
Sorry.
[laughter]
♪ ♪
- Mom, Dad...
it's time.
- Dawn, we've been over this.
We're not sending your brothers
to live with your Aunt Jackie.
- No! I meant it's finally time
for me to get my ears pierced.
I mean, I really want to look
nice for our school recital.
- Dawn, I still think
you're too young.
You can wear magnet earrings.
- No, I can't.
- D.E.L.s.
- You have them, too?
- No, gross, ugh.
Your mother does.
[laughter]
- We don't.
- Totally normal.
- Nothing meaty over here.
[laughter]
- Come on, Mom.
- Sorry, we're just not
a piercing family.
- But Mae and all of my friends
have theirs pierced.
- Honey, I don't even have
my ears pierced.
- What? But I've seen
you wear earrings.
- On special occasions,
we use the hot glue gun.
[laughter]
Yes, we do. Yes, we do.
- Ugh! This is so unfair!
Thick lobes and a "no?"
- Yeah, it's a tough day.
[laughter]
- [exhales]
Well, you know what?
One of those things
I can do something about.
I'm gonna get my ears pierced
behind Mom and Dad's back.
Because it's time
I declare my independence!
- I admire your chutzpah,
Dawn,
but you can't declare
your independence without us.
- Yeah.
- We're getting
our ears pierced, too.
- No, we want our independence
to be independent
of her independence.
- What if I want to get
my ears pierced?
- Well, then, declare
your own independence.
- I don't want to be
independent alone!
- Fine! We'll be
independent together.
Gentlemen...
Mark your votes.
- Wait, why do you have
index cards on you?
- We vote a lot, Dawn.
- Are you new here?
[laughter]
- All right,
let's see what we got.
Perfect.
"Get a snake" it is.
[laughter]
- Snake?
I wrote, "get a snack."
I'm hungry.
[laughter]
- Well, you misspelled
"snack" and wrote "snake,"
and since we've been asking
Dad for one for years,
we're getting a snake.
- Come on, guys,
snakes really freak me out.
- Then it is agreed.
Henceforth, today
shall be known as our...
"Quadpendence Day."
[laughter]
- To the mall!
- Okay, hold up.
Does it really
need a cute name?
For once,
can we just do something?
- Fine.
- No name.
- [unenthused]
To the mall.
[laughter]
- Okay.
- Who knew you needed
a parent with you
to get your ears pierced?
- And to get a snake!
- This plan was doomed
when we didn't name it.
[laughter]
- Well, this officially...
[laughter]
- That says, "socks."
- Yeah, I know!
Because it stinks...
like socks.
[laughter]
both: Oh.
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na-na ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪
- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na-na ♪
- ♪ One, two... ♪
- ♪ one-two-three-four! ♪
♪ ♪
- I can't believe my plan to get
my ears pierced didn't work.
- Well,
did you name the plan?
You guys usually come up
with a cute name.
[laughter]
- No.
Someone didn't want to.
[laughter]
- That's why we didn't
get a snake either.
- So much for our unnamed
attempt at independence.
[tuba note blares]
- All right, kids.
Let's rehearse.
[baton taps]
With feeling.
- Well, I'm not giving up.
- "Yankee Doodle" me.
[laughter]
[playing "Yankee Doodle"]
- Did our forefathers give up
on their Independence Day?
No! They never gave up!
♪ ♪
- Where are my whistlers?
[whistling "Yankee Doodle"]
- They fought
for their freedom,
just like we need
to fight for ours.
- Triangles!
- They fought for liberty
and the pursuit of happiness.
Just like we need
to fight for earrings,
and the pursuit of a snake.
So give me liberty,
or give me death!
- Death?
- Shh!
- We want a snake,
but not that bad.
- You know what I mean!
We just need to find a way
to get the things that we want.
- Snare drum.
[drum rolls]
all: Dooley!
- It's Yankee Dooley,
and I heard everything.
I'll be outside your garage
at 4:37 precisely.
[laughter]
When the coast is clear,
signal me with a bird sound.
♪ ♪
- Then the day that we as Quads
declare our independence...
is back on.
- Or...
a shorter way
to say it would be....
- [sighs]
Fine.
"Quadpendence Day" is back on.
- And everybody!
[all playing "Yankee Doodle"]
♪ ♪
[upbeat rock music]
- Okay.
4:37.
- I'll signal Dooley
with the bird sound.
Bird sound! Bird sound!
Bird sound!
- No,
I'm pretty sure he meant:
ca-caw, ca-caw!
- No, he meant
something like this.
[elaborate cawing]
- Bird sound! Bird sound!
- Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
- [elaborate cawing]
- Bird sound! Bird sound!
- Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
- [elaborate cawing]
- You know what?
This is my fault.
I should've
just said, "text me."
[boys continue
making bird sounds]
- Stop it!
- Oh, hey, my call worked.
- No, my call worked.
- What are you saying?
- No, it was my call!
[overlapping squabbling]
- Stop!
- Bird brains.
- So, did you come through?
- Boom!
One ear piercer.
- Yes! Thanks, Dooley.
- So, is there
a boom in there for us?
- This is a two-boom bag, baby.
Boom!
One snake.
- Sweet!
- Awesome!
- Cool.
[laughter]
Look.
- [screams]
- Oh, heck no!
- Dicky, get him away!
Snake!
- You guys are just scared
'cause you haven't met him.
Dawn, Mae, meet...
I'm gonna go with Christopher.
- Dude, it's a snake.
It should be
Chrissssss-topher.
- I think you overdid it
on the "S"s.
- Who are you, the "S" police?
- There's no such thing.
- Then why you
all over my "S"?
[laughter]
- Okay.
Somebody please
put that snake away
so Mae can pierce my ears.
- Okay, let's do this.
- Oh, wait.
Is this gonna hurt?
- No.
- [straining]
- Oh!
- [screaming]
Ow!
- Was that Dawn?
- [groans]
Ah! That doesn't count!
Keep an eye on my sandwich.
[laughter]
- Ahh, I thought you said
that wasn't gonna hurt.
- Sometimes I'm wrong.
[laughter]
- Kids, what's going on?
- We heard Dawn scream.
all: Oh.
- That--that's just 'cause
we were having a...
"who-could-scream-the-loudest
contest"?
- Yup.
- Yes.
- Do you really expect us
to believe you were having a
"who-could-scream-the-loudest
contest"?
[laughter]
- Without including me?
I want in!
- [chuckles]
- Here we go.
[clears throat]
- Oh, hey, Dicky!
What are you doing?
- Just trying to hurt myself
so I'll scream louder.
[laughter]
- Nice plan.
- Dad, wait!
[laughter]
We should probably
take this inside, right?
- Oh, yeah, the acoustics.
They're much better in there.
- Ah, good thinking.
Clear the runway.
[exhales]
[laughter]
Whoo!
- [screams]
- You win, Dad!
[nervous chuckles]
- Chrissssss-topher tickles.
[laughter]
♪ ♪
[upbeat rock music]
- No way!
- You really got
your ears pierced?
- Check 'em out, ladies.
- So cute!
- So cute.
- Seriously?
You guys got a snake?
- Yup.
- We sure did.
- Pretty awesome, huh?
- Really? 'Cause you guys
don't look like snake guys.
- Zip it, Franco.
[laughter]
We're snake guys.
His name's Christopher.
[laughter]
- That doesn't even
sound like a snake name.
- Zip it, Franco.
That's because he said it wrong.
It's Chrissssss-topher.
[laughter]
- I don't know.
Sounds like you guys
are just making this all up.
- Zip it, Franco!
[laughter]
- So how'd you get perst
without a pernt?
- "Pierced"
without a "parent."
[laughter]
- Oh.
Dooley got me an ear piercer.
- That's supes kewl.
- Thanks.
[chuckles]
That is supes cool.
- No, she said
that soup is cold.
[laughter]
- Oh, but it's supes cool that
we all have our ears pierced.
Right?
- I have a confession.
- Wait, those--
those were just magnets?
- I'm sorry.
I was faking it.
I was just so embarrassed
my parents wouldn't let me
get my ears pierced.
- Mine wouldn't either.
- Sam herr.
[laughter]
- I can't believe
you guys were faking it.
- Dawn, you need
to pierce our ears.
- Actually,
I just have the piercer.
Mae did the piercings.
- Mae, you need
to pierce our ears.
- Yeah.
- Tote-lay.
[laughter]
- Okay.
I can handle those.
all: Yay!
- Chrissssss-topher is real!
- I'm still not buying it.
- Zip it, Franco!
- Telling me to zip it
doesn't prove
you have a snake.
- You're right, so come to
our house and we'll prove it.
- Oh, yeah? What time?
- When the big hand's on three
and the little hand's on...
zip it!
[laughter]
- I don't know what time that--
Harper boys: Zip it, Franco!
[laughter]
♪ ♪
- Who are all these people?
- I told a few guys.
- A few?
This is why we always
tell you to zip it, Franco.
[laughter]
- Hey, where's the ear piercer?
- In the bag with the snake.
[laughter]
- Eww!
- Is that sanitary?
- Well, Dooley had it in there
before, and you're fine.
- Okay, as you all know,
there were some doubters
as to whether or not
we actually had a snake.
[laughter]
Nicky...
- Well, boys...
The time has come for you to--
chat amongst yourselves.
[laughter]
Boys, we need to chat
amongst ourselves.
[laughter]
- What?
- Little problem.
Christopher's missing!
- What?
What do you mean, "missing?"
- I-I think he means
missssss-ing.
[laughter]
- He must've escaped!
- What do you mean, "escaped?"
- I think he means...
essssss-caped!
[laughter]
- Don't tell Dawn,
or she's gonna freak out.
- Uh...what's going on?
Quad boys: Nothing!
- Then why are you whispering?
- [stammers]
Why are you whispering?
- I'm whispering because
you're whispering.
- We're whispering because
we don't want you to hear that
we lost the snake.
both: Dicky!
- Sorry!
I meant lossssss-t.
- [laughter]
- Don't freak out.
- Oh, I'm freaking out.
- Me too!
[laughter]
- Hey, guys!
What's the hold up?
- Yeah, Dawn.
What's the hold up?
- And what's with that
fahn-say footwork?
[laughter]
- Oh, you know!
[nervous chuckles]
Just...
super excited
to pierce your ears.
- I can't do this.
My hands are shaking.
- Relax,
I'll do the piercings.
- And I'll handle the guys.
- And I'll search for the snake.
- All right, ladies.
Who's up first?
[laughter]
- So, here's the thing.
You can't see the snake
right now because he's shedding,
and wants some privacy.
- Snakes don't need privacy.
- Told you they didn't have
a snake. I'm out of here!
Oh, and before you say it,
let me say it for you.
both: Zip it, Franco!
- We say where
the "zip its" go, Franco.
[laughter]
♪ ♪
- Oh, look at you,
Miss Dense Lobes.
Shopping for real earrings.
Such a dreamer.
[laughter]
- I don't have to dream anymore.
Ka-pow!
- Ka-wow!
You sneaky little minx.
- We're all sneaky
little minxes.
together: Ka-pow!
[laughter]
- Oh, Tom,
look at her dreaming.
She wants
her ears pierced so badly.
- Yup.
And you still won't let her.
What? You won't!
[laughter]
- All because I'm afraid
to get my ears pierced.
Am I a horrible parent?
- Yes.
[laughter]
[stammers]
No worse than me.
Not getting the boys
a snake because I'm afraid.
- Well, you know what?
Our horrible
parenting ends today.
- All of it?
- Oh, no!
Just this part!
- Ah! Are you sure?
The boys taking care
of a snake?
- Come on.
- No, you're right.
I'm sure they can handle it.
[squeamish groan]
♪ ♪
- Where could he be?
We've searched everywhere!
[phone dings]
- Well, this is just wonderful!
Franco text blasted
that we're liars.
We need to find that snake.
- Oh, there he is!
- Hey! That's my leg!
[laughter]
- Dude...
You gotta eat more.
[laughter]
♪ ♪
- Oh! How do these look?
- Like...
your mother!
- Oh, that's the last thing
I want to do is to look like--
- Your mother!
- That's what I'm saying...
Mother!
[laughter]
Hi, Mom.
Whatcha doing?
I'm just over here looking
"ear-resistible."
- Aw, Dawn, I know
exactly why you're here.
- You do?
- Yeah, you're checking out
the real earrings because
you want your ears
pierced so badly!
- [stammers]
You got me!
[chuckles]
- Well...
today is your lucky day.
I'm gonna let you
get your ears pierced.
Right now.
- [nervously chuckles]
Right now, right now?
- I knew you'd be so excited!
- Ooh!
Not as excited as I am!
[mouths words]
[mouthing words]
♪ ♪
[upbeat rock music]
- Take the mugs away
so we can see your ears.
- No, come on, don't--
- Just give them to me.
[laughter]
- Okay.
- You know what, Mom?
- I really shouldn't be
the only one in the family
to get my ears pierced up.
Let's make this
a mother/daughter thing.
Here, you go first!
- [gasps]
That is really sweet of you,
but ahh!
I think you should go first.
- Uh, no, really, uh, you...
[laughter]
- [squirms]
It's daughters before mothers.
- Uh, no, but everyone
knows the saying is...
mothers before daughters!
[laughter]
- [panting]
Okay, fine.
Okay. Here we go.
[squirming]
- Whoa!
I think we've hit
the mother lobe.
[laughter]
- All right, ready?
- [squealing]
[snaps]
Huh.
That wasn't that bad.
- [sighs]
Maybe for you.
Your lobe broke my piercer.
[laughter]
And it didn't even make a dent.
[laughter]
- Oh.
- I'm gonna need Big Jimmy.
- Who's Big Jimmy?
- Not who...
What.
[laughter]
- [screams]
- Ah, you know what, Mom?
We can always
come back another day.
- Great idea, honey!
Let's go-go-go--
[laughter]
- Whoo! Good thing
I didn't pull out Huge Jimmy.
[laughter]
♪ ♪
- You really think
this is gonna work?
- We can't find
our snake anywhere.
We need you to lure him
out of hiding.
- But I'm not a snake charmer.
And I think luring things
only works in cartoons.
[laughter]
- Do you want
the cupcakes or not?
[laughter]
[playing "Yankee Doodle"]
♪ ♪
- Look!
There he is!
[awing]
- Get--
- Leg!
[laughter]
- Oh.
[distant whistling]
- That's Dad!
- I'm out!
[laughter]
- Quick, hide him!
- Uh...
- There, there, there, there.
[laughter]
- Go, go, he's--
Quad boys: [panting]
Quad boys: Hey, Dad!
- Hey, boys.
I have a...
[laughter]
surprise for you.
Something you've wanted
for a long time, but, uh,
I never got it
because I was...
afraid of...
[shrieks]
snakes!
[laughter]
- Enjoy!
- Thanks, Dad!
Now, how are we going to
take care of two snakes?
- Looks like we only
have to worry about one.
Christopher's missing!
- What?
[laughter]
- Dicky!
- Where'd he go?
- [groans]
Great!
Now we lost two snakes.
- Well, at least we know
things can't get any worse.
- Guys!
Do these look bad to you?
[all scream]
- They must be infected.
I knew that snake and
piercer shouldn't have been
in the same bag.
- Well, lesson learned.
- Guys! Come on!
This is really bad!
- Look at the bright side.
At least now things
can't get any worse.
[doorbell rings]
[quads scream]
- Okay...
now things--
- You really need to stop
saying that.
[laughter]
- Dawn!
What are we gonna do?
- It's almost time
for the recital.
- Yeah, and our errs
are all puffay and scarray.
[laughter]
- We never should've
declared our "Quadpendence."
- Okay, everybody, relax.
All we have to do is just
get through this recital
without anyone
noticing our ears.
- How are we gonna do that?
- These bonnets
don't even cover our ears.
- Well, we're still
not giving up.
Hey!
Did our forefathers give up?
No! They fought
for our independence.
- Dawn, it's really not
the same without the music.
- Fine, but we're
still not giving up.
[laughter]
♪ ♪
[clapping]
- Welcome, parents, to our
Spirit of Independence recital.
Now, as you're about to see,
these revolutionary students
worked until they were
red, white, and blue in the face
to entertain you.
[laughter]
So, I give you
your little stars...
and stripes.
[chuckles]
[clapping]
- Mae!
Are my ears covered?
- Shh!
You're screaming.
- Sorry!
I'm swollen inside, too!
I can barely hear.
- Huh?
- What?
- I can barly herr.
[laughter]
- Dawn.
I can't believe
we let you talk us into this.
I mean, we look ridiculous!
- Yes, yes,
the wigs do tickle us.
[laughter]
[drums rolling]
["America the Beautiful"
playing off-tempo]
♪ ♪
[laughter]
- You guys sound way off!
- I know! Aren't we totally
pulling this off?
[laughter]
- Guys, what is going on?
We practiced this!
- This is horrible.
[laughter]
- At least it can't
get any worse!
- Shh!
[laughter]
[playing clarinet solo]
♪ ♪
[laughter]
- Snake!
[all screaming]
- Snake, ahoy! Snake, ahoy!
He looked right at me!
- [screaming]
[laughter]
- [squealing]
- Told you we have a snake!
[laughter]
- [gasps]
What happened to your ears?
- Oh!
[chuckles]
It was the recital of the year!
[laughter]
- [gasping]
- [stammers]
The boys have a snake!
[laughing]
♪ ♪
- Wow, this might be the worst
infection I have ever seen.
- [shudders]
[gagging]
[laughter]
Oh, there is nowhere
to look in this house!
[laughter]
- Dad...
the snake you bought us,
which is the only snake...
- Mm-hmm.
- We've ever had in this house,
[laughter]
is now safe in the terrarium.
- I'm sorry, Mom.
I just wanted to get
my ears pierced so bad,
but I really shouldn't have
done it behind your back.
- Yeah, or in the garage.
With a dirty piercer.
Without adult supervision.
- Yeah, that too.
[laughter]
- And I probably shouldn't
have stopped you from
getting them pierced
just because I was scared.
- And I probably shouldn't
have bought you guys a snake
just because I was scared.
[laughter]
- Well, as long as
you three learned your lesson.
[laughter]
- Oh, honey,
can you open up the first aid
kit and hand me the ointment?
- Happy to, honey!
- Thank you.
- Happy to open anything that
doesn't have a snake in it.
[laughter]
Snake!
[squirming]
- [squealing]
- [screaming]
- Why are there two snakes?
boys: Uh...
Ahhh!
[laughter]
♪ ♪
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪