- Oh! Good! He's here.
Let's get started.
- Aye aye.
- Uh hey!
Wait...guys,
I didn't get any
lunch at school.
Can we order some like,
Chinese food?
- What?
- I want some
a'those uh...
oh whaddaya call 'em?
They're like uh...
Chinese dumplings...?
- Oh...
you mean wom-pons.
- Yeah.
Noooo...
- Won-tons--he means won-tons,
not "wom-pons."
- I did my best to say it right.
- Whatever,
can we order some?
- Not now.
It's time for my
bi-yearly quantitative
physiological
densitization test.
- I understood the word "test."
- It's a test to make sure
I'm still totally
indestructible.
- Mmmmmmm...Can we
order some won-tons first?
- No. You see
that machine over there?
- Yeah...
- It's gonna shoot
baseballs at ya'.
- What?
Why me?
- Because!
Because of your new super power.
- Ya, your
hyper-mutilatiew...
- Okay.
It's called hypermotility.
- Hypermutebeuel--
- Okay, can we move on!?!
Can we move on?
- Schwoz, show him your bat.
- His...his what?
- You see...when you see
the balls a-comin',
you use this a-base-a-ball bat
to swing-svat the balls.
- Yep. Then Schwoz is gonna
measure the speed
of the base-a'balls,
and then after I get hit,
I tell him when my pain stops
and I feel oh-kay.
- And then I use
a mathematical equation
to determine how
indestructible Ray is.
- I just want like,
five won-tons.
- You can have some won-tons
after we do this!
- Aaaahhh!
Right...
- I'm gonna go stand
here by the elevator.
That's what I'm gonna do.
- What's that for?
- To protect a-my face
from stray balls.
- Okay. Henry,
[ light saber sound ]
take this base-a'ball bat...
- Whoa, what kinda
baseball bat is this?
- It's a thermal fusion bat
I made myself.
- Can you make thermal
fusion won-tons?
- C'mon Henry,
just get over there.
- Okay, let's test one.
- Go for it.
- Ready Henry?
- Yeah go.
- SCHPITZ!!!
- HAHAHAHA!
MISSED ME, MISSED ME,
NOW YA GOTTA KI...
- Now I gotta what?
- Nothin', forget it.
- No no no no,
now I gotta what?
- No, I changed my mind, okay?
You don't gotta do anything!
Gah, c'mon Schwoz,
if we're gonna do this,
let's do it! Gah!
- Okay, here we goes.
- Oh Ray, I gotta
tell you somethin'.
- What?
- Tomorrow, I--
- SCHPITZ!
- Dah!
- I'm oh-kay.
- So, what'd you wanna tell me?
- I can't make it to work
tomorrow.
- Whaddaya mean you
can't make it to work tomorr--
- SCHPITZ!
- D'oh!
Still oh-kay.
- Tomorrow's "Achievement
Test Day" at school.
- Uh, you're my sidekick,
that means tha-
- D'owww!!!
You guessed it: oh-kay.
- Look...dude,
it's not my fault. Okay?
If I leave school for any reason
I can get in huge trouble.
- Okay fine, you baby.
Take the day off,
but it's comin'
outta your vacation time.
- Uh...I didn't know
I get vacation time.
- Uh...Ah eh-you...
you uh, you don't.
I mean, there's no state law
that says you do.
So, y'know, don't even check.
- Wait a second...
Are you saying that I--
- SCHPITZ!
- Wait, no, do-
- He's probably all right.
- Yeah...
Get some won-tons?
- Yeah let's go.
- Maria Von Trapp?
- Here.
- Uh...Ruth Westheimer?
- Present.
- And...
Abraham Zapruder.
- Here.
[ camera whirring ]
- Oh Abraham.
put that obsolete camera away.
- Now, does everyone
have their test booklets?
- Yes...
- Good.
Now, you all know
why this test
is so important, right?
- No.
- Not at all.
- Ulch.
Henry, Jasper, stand up
and explain it to the class
while I rub this
pimple cream on my back.
- Uh...every Christmas,
the principal gives
all the teachers bonuses.
- And, the higher we all
score on this test,
the more money
Miss Shapen gets.
- Or as I like to say it:
The better your grades,
the more I gets paids!
- Yeah, we're gonna
sit down now.
- Charlotte...
- Yes ma'am?
- Switch places with Von Trapp.
- Why?
I don't wanna switch places.
- Well doe-ray-me don't care,
now be a good female deer
and move!
There.
Now, I'm putting Charlotte
in the front,
'cuz she's much smarter
than the rest of you.
Now, I realize that
it's gonna be tempting
to copy off of Charlotte's
test paper...hmmm?
But if I catch
anyone cheating,
you know what's gonna happen?
- No...what?
- Nothing.
[ popping mouth ]
- Uh...what are you
doin' with your mouth?
- Winking.
I have weak eyelid muscles,
so I'm a mouth winker.
- Please don't do that.
- No, no...
- All right...
- But Cheating i-is wrong.
- Yeah.
- Yeah...
- Not when an underpaid adult
tells you to do it!
Now everyone,
pick up your pencils.
And begin!
[ alarm rings ]
- Uh, what's that sound?
- That's just the Swellview
Emergency Warning Siren--
just keep taking your tests.
- But shouldn't we find out
what the emergency is?
- Ah fine!
- We gotta get this toilet
working by seven.
- We're not gonna make it.
- We gotta make it.
- See, it's just a rerun
of Toilet Wars,
everything's fine.
If it was a real emergency,
they'd interrupt this for--
- We interrupt Toilet Wars
for this breaking news
It seems--
- Attention. Attention.
I have breaking news.
An underground gas pipe
has burst,
deep in the Earth,
underneath Swellview's
nuclear gas company.
But according to experts,
the gas is not harmful to humans
unless it escapes
from the ground.
Which it has.
It's escaping from
the ground right now.
So, if you're in Swellview,
or the surrounding areas,
we advise you to
evacuate Swellview...
And the surrounding areas.
- Captain Man, Kid Danger,
where are you?!?
- See?
Everything's fine,
so keep taking your tests.
[ alarm continues ]
- But the news guy said
we should evacuate.
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
- No! Nobody leaves
until everyone
finishes their tests
and gets a great score
so I can get my big fat
cash money bonus!
- Hey, Miss Shapen?
Can I use the restroom?
- To do what?!?
- Well, to go to the...
to use the...bath...
I'll just stay here.
[ pops mouth ]
- It all just kinda happened.
I wanted an after-school job.
But then,
an indestructible superhero
hired me to be his sidekick.
- Ah!
- Now we blow bubbles...
and fight crime.
- Feels good.
[ theme music ]
- Call it.
- Up the tube!
- Aw, my boot!
- Ha!
- ♪ CAPTAIN MAAAANNN...
LADIES BEWARE! ♪
♪ HE'S SO ATTRACTIVE YOU'LL
WANT TO KISS HIS FAAACE! ♪
RIGHT ON THE MOUTH.
Schwoz. You there?
- Yah, what?
- I'm now 250 feet down
in the nuclear gas shaft.
- You callin' me a liar!
- I ain't callin' you a truther!
- Ya, so?
- Sooo, as soon as I can
I'm gonna--Ahhhh!!!
- Ray?
Ray, what was the noises
I just heard?
- Ahhh...
My stupid support beam broke.
- Can you get out?
- Unh-uh, no chance.
The top of the shaft
is mostly blocked now.
- Ooo, that reminds me.
This afternoon
I have my colonoscopy.
- Schwoz!
I don't wanna hear about
your body problems, alright?
I'm trapped down here.
- Okay, you want me
to come get you?
- Nah...Ya can't.
- Okay, bye-bye.
- No-no! Schwoz!!!
Now look, write this down...
- Yah yah,
I'm writing this down.
- Okay...I need you
to triple beep Henry.
Get him outta school...
- I beep Henry, get him
out of the school...
- Tell him to
pop a gum-ball...
- Poop a goom-ball...
- And he's gotta get the
Tyson drill,
come to the gas plant...
- ...Tyson drill, gas plant...
- And then Henry
needs to drop down
into the ventilator shaft,
which is right next to me,
drill through the wall
and get me outta here.
- 'Kay, got it.
- Oh, and uh...tell him
to bring some a'them won-tons.
- Bring some wom-pons.
- Won-tons!
- If you're gonna
live in America
you should learn how
to say won-tons.
- Now...just in case
the poisonous gas
reaches this school...
I brought Charlotte a gas mask.
Charlotte, put this
on your face.
- Uh, okay.
[ deep breathing ]
- Well, what about
the rest of us?
- Yeah yeah, why don't
we get gas masks?
- Because none of you
are as smart as Charlotte.
[ Vader voice ]
- Please don't look at me.
- And now that she's safe,
she can continue
taking her test.
And remember the rest of you
better not copy her answers.
[ pops mouth ]
- Okay, will you please stop
winking with your mouth?
[ watch beeps ]
- Hey!
I heard a smart phone!
- Uhb-du, s-s-sorry...
that was just my, uh...
...my pacemaker.
- Pacemaker?
- Well turn it off!
- Yes ma'am.
Uh...Boop.
- I thought you told Ray
not to beep you today!
- I did!
Must be a serious problem.
Miss Shapen?
- What?!?
- Can I please go
to the restroom?
- You asked me that an hour ago.
- Yeah, and you didn't
let me go.
- So?
- So now...it's worse.
- All right, go--
but you better be back here
in two minutes!
Don't waste time
washing your hands.
- Ray, you there?
[ static ]
Ray, c'mon,
you triple beeped me.
What's the...
[ faint drilling ]
Where is that noise
coming fr--
Holy geez!
- Hey it's me, Schwoz,
from work.
- I know who you are
and where you're from!
- C'mon, let's go!
- Go?!? Dude, I told Ray,
today is Achievement Test Day,
I can't leave school!
- But the whole city
has been evacuated!
- Well the teacher
won't let us leave.
- But there's a gassy leak!
- I know,
tell Ray to go fix it!
- He did, but he got trap-ed
in the shaft hole!
You have to go rescue him!
- I'm trap-ed in school!
- Achh!!!
I know what to do.
- What?
- Pull me inside there with you.
- What? Why?!?
- Just pull on my head!
- All right!
- D'aaaaaahhhh...
[ grunting ]
- Oh. Ohhh!
Ahhhhhh!!!
- Okay you're in--now what?
- Now sit on the twahlet.
- What? I don't--
- Sit on it!
- D'ah!
Now, act like you're
sitting at your desk
and taking a test.
- I don't have a desk.
Or a test...
Or anything that resembles--
- It's called acting!
And...action!
- What'd you just do?
- Don't worry about it!
Just go to the nuclear gas plant
and rescue Ray!
- Dude, if I leave school
I get expelled.
- Will you trust me?!?
Now go!
- But I don't even
know what to do!
- I'll text you--hurry!
- Wait, I-I actually have to
go to the bathroom!
- There's no time!
[ thuds ]
- Ow! That hurt so bad!
[ Charlotte breathing ]
[ phone vibrates ]
- Uh, Miss Shapen?
- Yeah what?
- It's time for
our three minute break.
- Huh?
- Uh, yeah,
it's a state law.
Uh, whenever kids
take an achievement test,
you have to give 'em
a three-minute break,
every two hours.
- Oh.
And what if I don't?
- You could get fined.
- Which would cost you money.
- Three minute break!
But ya better be back here
in three minutes!
I gotta go pop something...
- Okay, what is goin' on?
- Henry had to go help Ray.
- What?!?
- Henry can't leave!
- I know this!
Where was Henry sitting?
- Uh, right there.
- Oh c'mon, that's
obviously a hologram.
- Yeah, that's not
gonna fool anyone!
- Hey! Give me two seconds,
would ya?
- Whooooaaaa.
- Wowwwww.
- That's insane!
- Schwoz, you're a genius.
- Ooo, they're coming back!
- Mahalo!
[ thud ]
- D'ahh that hurt so bad.
- C'mon...c'mon...
Yeah!
Pizza, right in the face.
Man, I love this app.
- All right, break's over.
Henry, go lock the door.
- Uh-oh!
- Henry? Henry!
- Uh, I'll lock the door!
- No!
I asked Henry to do it.
Now Henry Hart, I asked--
- Ahhhh, I think that Henry's
just really focused
on doing a great job
on his test.
Uh...right Henry?
He says right.
- Ah geez...
- My god,
this game's entertaining.
Hey Schwoz?
TV: Could you put
the ladder back up?
- Go for Schwoz.
- What's goin' on, man?
I sealed the gas leak,
I've been stuck down here
for over an hour now.
- Henry didn't get there yet?
- No, he's not here yet.
Why would I be calling you
if Henry had already
been here and get me--
[ crash ]
Ahhhhh!!!
- Ray? You in here?
- Schwoz I'll call ya back.
- Oh hey.
How ya doin'?
- Pretty good for a guy
who just had a Tyson drill
shoved in his back.
- Ah, who cares,
you're indestructible.
- I'm still a person,
with feelings.
- Alright, can we get going?
'Cuz I really need
to get back to school.
- Fine, whatever,
just pull me through.
- Alright, here gimme your hand.
- Whoa! Whoa Ray,
have you gained some weight?
- No I haven't gained weight!
You're just not pulling
hard enough.
- I think you gained weight.
- You take that back!
I eat less than
two thousand calories a day!
- Try to suck in!
- God, this is so embarrassing!
- Ahhh!
[ thud ]
- Owww...
That hurt so bad.
- Well, it turns out that
a leaky nuclear gas pipe
was no match for
Captain Man and Kid Danger.
- That's right, Trent.
According to city officials,
Captain Man...
- According to city officials,
Captain Man and Kid Danger
sealed the leaky pipe
and the dangerous gas
cloud has passed
through the Swellview sky,
and is now floating into
the city of Bordertown,
where it's no longer
our problem.
- And in other news,
Trent's wife left him
four years ago,
for a more attractive,
wealthier man.
- That's right.
Test booklets right here.
Hurry up, I gotta get home
and powder my cat.
- Powder your cat?
- Get outta here!
All a'you, go.
- Hey, what are we gonna'
do about Henry?
- I don't know!
- We can't just leave him here.
- He's a hologram.
What are we gonna' do?
- Alright. Come on.
Let's go.
- Hey. Henry.
Time's up.
Didn't ya get the memo?
Heh...Hey!
I'm talkin' to you boy!
Henry!!!
- You.
- Captain Man!
- Do you consent to this kiss?
- Sure, ya want it in writing?
[ giggling ]
- Wait. Wrong woman.
- I finished.
- My first real relationship.
[ oven bell ]
- Mmm.