- Test. Test one.
Puh. Puh puh.
Puhhhhh--tato pants...
pretty Polly wore
purple potato pants
to her Purim party
in Pittsburgh.
Henry, how does that sound?
- Painful. Please p'stop.
- Kay, let's start the podcast!
- Alright let's cast our pod.
- Yeah!
In five, four, three, two...
Hellooo!
And welcome toooo...
Deep in the Man Cave!
Yesiree, this is the very first
podcast starring
your very own Captain Man and...
- Kid Da--
[ text message ]
Hold up, I got a text. Sorry.
- Dang it!!!
Look, this isn't live,
we can just start again.
- Okay. Why don't we just start
World War Two again?
Why don't we call
Leonardo da Vinci, and say
"Hey Leon, could you just
build the Eiffel Tower again?!?"
- Okaaay.
Take two.
- In five, four, three...
two...Hello!
And welcome toooo...
[ singing together]
- Deep In The Man Cave.
[ heavy metal plays ]
- Yes sirree, this is the very
first podcast starring your very
own Captain Man and...
- Kid Danger.
- That's right.
So, Henry,
a couple months ago, you
got into a little scuffle
with the stupidest criminal in
Swellview, a guy named Jeff.
Remember that guy?
What a character he was, huh?
- You called me Henry.
- Can't hear what you're saying.
You called me Henry.
You gotta call me Kid Danger.
Okay that one wasn't my fault.
- Can we just do
the ding-dang podcast?!?
- I'm sitting here.
- In five, four, three...
two...Hello!
And welcome toooo...
- Deep In The Man--
- You guys!
- Aw come on!
- Please don't...
- Okay, that's it,
we're outta headphones, so...
- We have an emergency!
- What, what is it?
- It's Jasper!
- Ulllchhh.
He says that some crazy
man is at school,
setting a buncha snakes loose
in the hallways!
- Snakes?
- I guarantee you
that's not happening.
- But Jasper sent me a--
- Oh, Who cares?
Last week Jasper called
in an "emergency"
'cuz he saw a cloud
shaped like a dinosaur.
Yeah,remember Fourth of July,
when he got all freaked out
by the fireworks
cuz he thought America was
being attacked by Canada?
- Yeah.
I'd like to see Canada
try to attack us.
Well before you
guys ignore this,
you better watch the video
Jasper just texted.
Hey, it's me, Jasper.
And I'm in the school hallway--
oh my god, look! A snake!
Oh, and there's more
snakes! See?!?
Ah--uh--uh--Hurry!
I need backup!
- [ sighs ] C'mon.
We gotta go check this out.
- Great. Yeah, let's
ruin our afternoon
to go help Jasper.
- Ooo, somebody's got his
"manties" in a bunch today.
- Uh, I don't wear
"manties" thank you.
- Ray...
- I wear boys underwear.
C'mon
- Up the tube!
- Stupid Jasper,
I swear that kid--
- Puh. Puh.
[ clears throat ]
♪ Oh, Canada ♪
♪ Our home and native land ♪
- It all just kinda happened.
I wanted an after-school job.
But then,
an indestructible superhero
hired me to be his sidekick.
- Ah!
- Now we blow bubbles...
and fight crime.
[ music ]
- Call it.
- Up the tube!
- Aw, my boot!
- Ha!
- [ muffled ] You gotta
untie me, please...
Untie me.
- I have no idea what
you just said,
but I'll assume it
was a threat, so...
[ zap ]
- Hey! I'm here!
- Finally! What took
you so long?!?
- He made us stop
and get shaved ice.
- I like the watermelon.
- He likes the watermelon.
Hey, what's up
with these snakes?!?
- I don't know
Look, there's one
right over there!
- Oh. You mean this
fake snake over here?
- How do you know it's fake?
- I don't think it's fake!
- Oh c'mon...
They sell these things
for five bucks a pop
at the Swellview county fair.
You seriously thought this
thing was--reaahhhhhhh!!!
It's real!
- Will you quit bein'
such a baby?!?
- Look, there's more
snakes over there!
[ screams ]
- W-well how'd they get here?!?
- That freak brought 'em!!!
I saw him pullin'
snakes out of a sack,
so I hit him with that
fire extinguisher,
and tied him up with
those extension cords!
- You!
- Jed the janitor?!?
I swear I hate you more
than I hate myself!
- Okay, will someone tell us
what's goin' on here.
- Well, I-I saw--
- I'll tell ya what happened!
This school has rats!
So, I rented this protective
suit and helmet,
and bought twenty-five snakes
so they'd eat the rats!
- See? No emergency.
I knew it....I knew it,
I knew it, I knew it!
Way to go, Jasper
- But I-I-I--
- I'm gonna be talkin'
about this on my podcast,
you can count on that.
- Uh, could I please be untied?
- Ah!!
Ah! Oww!
A snake...
A snake bit my elbow.
- That's our teacher,
Miss Shapen.
- Oh yeah. Uh...
Kid, go handle that.
- Wh--?!? I don't know
how to handle a snake bite!
- Just go over there,
put her elbow in your mouth
and suck out the poison.
- But...
But that's gross!
- It's the only way to save
her life, now get over there
- and suck out the poison!
- I don't thin--daaaaahhh! Okay.
- Alright.
It's gonna be okay.
- Ooo, owwww...
- It's all right.
- Hiya.
- Okay.
For the next two months,
I don't wanna hear about
any more "crimes"
from you. We clear?
- What if I see a
burglary in progress?
- You shut up.
- What if I witness road rage?
- Shut up.
- What if I hear a ticking bomb?
- Just chill.
Oh, and shut up.
- Go untie that
self-loathing janitor.
- C'mon Kid Danger.
[ Miss Shapen crying ]
We've got a podcast to do.
- Ow.
- Ah!
[ spits ]
- Don't spit it into my purse!
- Ahhh!
- Ah, Jasper.
Good to see ya.
How ya been?
- Well...
okay, I guess.
- Hey now.
What's wrong, son?
You seem sadder than a little
girl on Christmas morning.
- Wouldn't a little girl on
Christmas morning be happy?
- Well...imagine she's weird
and has no friends.
[ bell ringing ]
- Ooo, there's
the back doorbell.
I'll be back in two jiffs.
- Mitch Bilsky.
Stealing.
- Shut up.
- The candy boot.
[ alarm sounds ]
- Ah crud!
- Ha! You're in
trouble now, Mitch!
- Oh, yeah?
- What happened?
[ alarm stops ]
Who took my candy boot?!?
- Him! Check it out.
Candy boot.
No--No--I--I didn't take it!
He took it!
- Noooo--he who holds it...
stolds it.
- What?!?
- Yeah! That is
the familiar expression.
- Careful, Mister Sugarman...
That guy could be dangerous.
- Dangerous?
My favorite soup is broth!
- Well, good!
Then in jail they can call
you the Hot Broth Burglar!
- Mister Sugarman, you know me!
- I'm on your wall!
- You were.
- Yeah, nice!
Now you better call the cops!
- Right!
-Uh, yeah.
Call the cops.
Just as long as you don't
call Captain Man and Kid Danger.
- Ooo yeah, do that!
Call Captain Man and Kid Danger
on this piece of punk!
- Ohhh, you bet I will!
- I brought all that from home.
- Ah, he's a good boy.
- Okaaaay.
Captain Man and Kid Danger--
first podcast. Take four.
Hello! And welcome toooo...
[ together]
- Deep In The Man Cave.
[ metal music plays ]
-Yes sirree, this is the very
first podcast
starring you're very own
Captain Man and--
[ alert rings ]
Ah, fudge and kumquats!!!
- Emergency!
Ray, pop a gum ball,
there's somethin's goin' down
at that store, Mouth Candy.
- Gimme a roasted chicken.
-[ computer ] Roasted chicken.
- Dude, you don't have time
to eat a chicken!
- I'm not gonna eat it.
- Okay, that chicken
did nothing to you.
[ arguing ]
- One at a time!
- All right, all right.
- Woof,
- You two wait here
while Kid Danger and I
go interrogate the...suspect.
- Yeah, whatever his name is.
- They call him the
Hot Broth Burglar.
- No they don't!
- Owwwww!
- Whoah!
- See that?!? See that?
Do you See his violent nature?!?
- Ok, wait!
- No!
- Hey--Hey, put down
the jelly beans...
- But he--
- Hey!
Put the jelly beans down.
- Okay.
All right, did you really try
to steal that candy boot?
- 'Course I didn't!
Mitch framed me!
- Ah okay. Crime solved--
now can we
go do our podcast?
- Wait.
- What am I gonna do?!?
Mister Sugarman
wants to put me in jail!
- Ok, relax--you're
not goin' to jail.
- We'll just make him
think you are.
All right, sir.
Kid Danger and I
are gonna take this
rotten curly-haired
misfit to jail.
- That's right.
- Ha! Good!
- Hey Captain Man.
- Kid Danger.
- Uh, hello.
- Officers.
- We were just walkin' by
and we saw you guys in here.
- Need our help?!?
- Oh, no.
- Everything's fine
- Everything's copacetic.
- Wait a minute...
I've seen this kid before.
- Oh yeah--didn't he get
arrested last year
- at Swellview Park?
- Right
-- for usin'
the ladies' bathroom.
That's messed up, man.
- No, it was only 'cuz
my friend's little sister--
- Hey, and didn't you also get
arrested last Christmas,
in City Hall, for wearin' more
than one hat simultaneously?
- Well...
- And today
he tried to steal this!
- That's right, he did!
- No I didn't!
I was just holding it!
- Well you know what they say.
- He who holds it, stolds it.
- Okay, somebody get me
a dictionary
and show me the word "stolds!"
- Look, officers, no worries--
we're gonna take him to jail.
- You and Kid Danger, you
do so much to help this city.
- No, no, it's fine.
It's honestly fine
- Let us get this one for ya.
- No, no, it's on the way
- Captain Man, Kid Danger!
They're cuffing me!
- Stop resisting!
- Hey Mrs. Dunlop,
- [ on phone ] Yeah, what.
Jasper is going to be spending
the night at my place tonight.
- Who cares.
- Oh, you don't care.
- Nope.
I gotta go.
- Okay, how are we gonna
get Jasper outta jail?
- I don't know.
- Well, it's his third strike!
And if they convict him
he could get twenty years!
- Then we better figure
out a way to prove
that Mitch is the one
who tried to steal
that stupid candy boot.
[ ring ring ]
- Ah, it's Ray.
- Yeah, okay.
- Henry, I got some good news.
- About Jasper?
-Better.
Got some new ideas
for our podcast.
- Okay, Ray, it's the
middle of the night,
I got school in the morning,
and one of my best
friends is lookin' at
a possible twenty years in jail.
- Y'know, I'm startin' to feel
like I care way more about
this podcast than you do.
- Oh, well that's
probably 'cuz YOU DO!
You hear that?
All he cares about is
recording his dumb podcast.
- Well, I think I got somethin'
better for you to record.
- What?
- Mitch.
- You want me to do
a podcast with Mitch?
- No!!!
I'm saying...
you wear a wire.
- You mean like, a microphone?
- Uh-huh.
- Okay
- And then, at school,
you casually start a
conversation with Mitch,
get him to admit
that he's the one
who really tried to
steal the candy boot.
Then we take the recording to
the cops and boom, Jasper's out.
- Okay..,
okay that's gooood.
But how am I gonna get
Mitch to admit it?
- Dude, you're like a million
times smarter than he is.
You really think so?
- Yeahhh.
[ static ]
- Hey...can you guys
hear me okay?
- Yeah Kid, we hear you.
We're in a van
across the street.
- Okay cool.
- Just get as close
to Mitch as you can,
and try to get him to admit
that he's the one
that stole the fried foot.
- The candy boot.
- Oh it matters.
Okay...whew, here we go.
[clears throat ]
Ah, whoo, whoo.
- So, this is your van?
- This is my old van.
I have a way better one.
The Man Van.
- Well where is the Man Van?
- Schwoz took it to
go see Charlie Puth.
- Really?
Schwoz is a Puther?
- Oh yeah, big Puther.
- Heyyyy Mitch.
- What do you want, Hart?
- Nothin'.
Nothin', I just uh...
I heard you saw that jerk,
Jasper Dunlop,
get arrested yesterday,
at that Mouth Candy store.
- Ah, yeah, I did.
Yeah, man, it was hilarious.
He didn't even do nothin' wrong.
I was the one who tried
to steal the candy boot.
Ha ha. Ha ha.
- Ah! Oh, ha ha!
That is--that is awesome.
- I know, man.
- All right.
We'll See ya.
- All right, man, take care.
- You guys, I did it!
I did it! Did you hear?
- I just think Schwoz
would be more into music
like Coldplay or
some band like that.
- Nah, he's been into Puth for
like way before it was cool--
- Look, guys did ya hear
him admit it?!?
- Hello! Can you guys hear me?
- We were just talkin'
about music.
What's goin' on?
- Wh--what's goin' on?!?
I just got Mitch to admit
that he's the one who
stole the candy boot!
Were you not recording?
- Uhhhhhhh no...
Charlotte forgot to
hit record. Sorry.
- I forgot?!?
- Oh, come on guys!
- Just go get him
to say it again.
- Ok, fine, but you press
record, you press it right now.
- Recording.
- Thank you.
- Uh...What is this?
- Uhhh...that was
either a banana or a hot dog.
- Ew!
- Heyyyyyyy Mitch.
- Dude--we're not even friends.
- No, I know...I know...
I'm just...
I'm still not clear on, y'know,
exactly what happened
at that store, Mouth Candy.
- All right man--I'll tell
you one more time.
- Ooo.
- Here we go.
- When the guy who owns
the place went into the back...
- Yeeeeaaaahhh...?
- I was the one who--
- Ahhh!
- Gotcha!
- Th-there's a dead bird
in my locker!
- I know.
Read the note on his leg.
- It says...
"Do you wanna be my girl?"
No thank you, I have to go now.
- Oh well. Be free.
Lazy.
- Late.
- Wait--no--no, wait--
- Henry? What's happening?
- Yeah, this isn't gonna work,
that's what's happening!
- Hey Kid.
Y'know what'll
make you feel lot better?
- What?
- Doin' a podcast.
- Okay, listen Ray!
I'm not doin' a podcast
with you or anyone else
until Mitch confesses and my
friend Jasper is outta jail!
- Please?
- No!
- All right fine!
Keep recording.
- What are you gonna do?!?
- What I shoulda done
a long time ago.
- Ya mean clean this van?
- Where's Mitch Bilsky?
Bilsky!
Admit that you FRAMED
Jasper Dunlop.
- Y-you can't force me to--
- Admit it, so I don't have to
punch you in the face
and smash your groin.
- Y-you wouldn't hurt a kid!
- Oh please, you look
at least 26 years old.
- Fair point.
- Now admit you're the one
who tried to steal
the candy boot!
- O-okay, I did it!
I framed Jasper!
I'm a thief and a bad person!
- And Jasper's a really
great guy!
- Charlotte, did you get that?
-Yep. Got it!
- Now...
I've got a podcast to do.
And everything I need for that
podcast better be there
in the next ten minutes.
Don't do drugs.
- Uh...wh-what Mom?
Oh,'kay, be right there.
[ oven bell ]
- Mmm.