[ music ]
[ crowd chatter ]
[ cheering ]
- Good morning.
[ crowd chatter ]
- Well, it's December 24th
and that means,
welcome to Captain Man's
third annual
Christmas Breakfast.
Thank you.
Oh, that's nice. Oh.
You know, it's really great to--
- Hey, shut up and feed us!
- Just a moment, sir.
- I'm a woman!
- Sorry, ma'am.
And now I present
your handsome host,
the guy who paid
for all of this,
Swellview's
most important citizen...
Captain Man.
- Thank you.
Yes. Yes.
I know, I know.
- All right,
everybody get up here
and taste the Christmas.
- Here, Kid, put this on.
- Ew. I don't want
to wear a hair net.
- You have to wear one.
You're serving food.
It's city law.
- All right.
But I'm doing this begrudgingly.
Hey, how come
you're not wearing a hair net?
- [ chuckles ] Lots of reasons.
First, I'm Captain Man.
Second, I'm very handsome
and I do not wear hair nets.
- Hey, are these reindeer eggs
locally sourced?
- I, I don't know.
- Well, I won't eat eggs
unless they're locally sourced.
- Okay, good for you.
- Hey, why aren't you wearing
a hair net?
- Lots of reasons. One...
- Shut up.
- You know, I'm guessing
you don't get invited
to a lot of parties.
- Hey, Captain Man,
Captain Man.
- Ah, yes, Vice Mayor Willard.
- Yeah, hi.
There's a reporter here
from KLVY News,
she wants to do
an interview with you.
- Oh, it's not Evelyn Hall,
is it?
- Yeah, I believe it is.
- Ah, crud. Hey, listen--
- I'll bring her over.
- No, no, please don't, arg.
- What's the problem?
- I took this reporter
out on a date last week
and I told her I'd text her
the next day and I didn't.
- And here's Captain Man.
- Yeah, I see him.
- Vice mayor. Vice mayor.
- Look, I was going
to text you.
- But you didn't.
- Evelyn...
- I'm standing here
inside City Hall
with Kid Danger.
- And Captain Man.
- Kid Danger,
Christmas question,
if you went on a date
with a girl...
- Oh, here it comes.
- And you promised to text
the girl the next day,
what would you do?
- Can you not do this?
- I, I would text the girl.
- All right, all right, Evelyn,
I'm texting you, all right?
I'm texting you right now.
And send.
Oh, wait,
that's a different Evelyn.
- Are you serious?
Come on, let's just
go serve the food.
- Yeah, all right.
- All right.
- There he is, right there.
- Wait, you mean Captain Man?
- That's right. Look at him.
- Oh, come on.
- Don't give me that.
A law is a law is a law.
Do your duty.
You don't have
to tell me about my duty.
Are you refusing
to do your duty?
- Listen, sir.
- I'm a woman.
- I'm sorry.
- Hello, ma'am.
Would you like some grits?
They're freshly stirred.
- Everyone!
Everyone, may I have
your attention?
As Swellview's Chief of Police,
I came here this morning
to thank Captain Man
and Kid Danger
for this wonderful
Christmas breakfast.
Which makes what I must do now
very difficult.
- What's...
what's going on?
- I'm very sorry Captain Man,
but you're under arrest.
[ crowd gasping ]
- Under arrest?
- Why am I being arrested?
- Because it's illegal
for you to serve food
to the public
without wearing a hair net.
- I told you
to put on a hair net.
- Will you be qu--
You're seriously arresting me
for not wearing a hair net?
- I have to.
It's a class three misdemeanor.
- Seriously?
Seriously?
- Seriously?
- Please stop saying seriously.
- It all just kind of happened.
- My dad was
an irresponsible scientist.
- I wanted an after-school job.
- And by accident,
he made me indestructible.
Ah!
- I went into this crazy store
and met
a pretty interesting guy.
- I'm going to blow your mind.
Now I protect
the good citizens of Swellview.
who call me...
- He turned out to be...
- You know the name.
- Captain Man!
- That's right, Henry.
In time, I realized that
being a superhero
is a lot to handle alone.
- He wanted some help.
- I needed a sidekick.
- I, Henry Hart...
- Pledge to never ever ever
tell anyone...
- That I'm Captain Man's
secret sidekick.
- It is done.
- Now we blow bubbles.
- And fight crime.
- Feels good.
- Call it.
- Up the tube!
Oh, my boot.
- Ha!
- Well, why didn't you
make him wear a hair net?
- I tried.
You know how Ray is
about his Captain Man hair.
- Well, we can't let Ray
spend Christmas in jail
all alone.
- How are we supposed
to get him out?
- I don't know.
[ sighs ]
You can't put
two gold balls together.
- Huh?
- You got to go, gold ball,
red ball, gold ball, red ball.
- I can totally
put two gold balls together.
- No, you can't.
- Why not?
What is this, the 1950s?
- Well, guys, I had to look
for two hours,
but check out what Daddy
found in the attic.
- Oh, honey, please, no, no.
- Oh my gosh, Dad,
are you serious?
- Nunh-uh, stop that.
My parents paid a lot of money
for these handbells
and the least we can do
is play them as a family
once a year on Christmas.
- Mom?
- Honey, I know you
like the handbells,
but the rest of us don't--
- Look, Dad, we played
the bells last year.
Can't we skip one year
and not--
- Hey.
Hey, you have to listen
to what we're all saying.
If we don't want
to play the bells,
you can't just--
All right.
- Okay. Okay. I am really mad.
- Dude, I told you,
the Santa Claus at the mall
isn't going to let a kid
your size sit on his lap.
- I know.
I've accepted that.
- Then what are you
mad about now?
- Has no one here heard
that Captain Man is in jail?
- Yeah, we heard.
- Well, do you guys know why
Captain Man is in jail?
- Yeah, it's because
of some stupid hair net law.
- Yeah, well you want to hear
some other stupid laws
we have here in Swellview?
Look at these.
- What are those books?
- It's the Swellview
Book of Laws and Ordinances.
- I want to play the handbells.
- Later.
It's always later.
- Take a look at this.
Page 34,
"It is illegal to take a photo
of a rabbit without a permit."
How stupid is that?
- Okay, everyone, now,
read the laws I've highlighted
in your books.
- "Ice cream on a cone
may only be licked.
It is illegal
to bite ice cream on a cone."
- Charlotte.
- Okay.
"It is against the law
to wear more than one hat
at the same time."
[ bell rings ]
- Piper.
- "Dads who play handbells
must be destroyed."
- It doesn't say that.
- Well, it should.
- Agreed.
- Yeah, it should.
- Well, I say it's wrong
that Captain Man is in jail.
And to make my point,
I'm going down to City Hall
and I'm going to break
some more of these dumb laws.
- Question.
- Yeah?
- Why?
- Because they won't dare
put a kid in jail on Christmas.
And then they'll have
to let Captain Man out, too.
Now, I'm going down there
and nobody is going to stop me.
- There's the door.
- Now can we play
the handbells?
- Charlotte, we better
make sure Jasper's okay.
- Yeah, let's hurry.
- I have to go look
at a flower.
- These pants itch.
- Fine.
- Let go of me, man.
I didn't do nothing.
- Tell it to the judge.
- Get off of me.
- Phone call later.
- I hate you.
- Get in there.
- Aah!
Why you got to hassle me, man?
Captain Man?
What are you in here for?
- Well, see, I got arrested
for serving food to the hungry
while not wearing a hair net.
- Good.
- What do you mean "good?"
- I'm sick of people like you.
You hair heads.
You think that rules
don't apply to you.
Well, guess what?
Not everyone has hair.
- Hey.
- What?
- You're hurting, aren't you?
- Yeah, I'm hurting.
- Come here.
It's okay.
It's all right.
It's not your fault.
- It's not my fault.
- That's it, let it all out.
- Merry Christmas!
- Who is that boy?
What's going on?
- Go get them, Jasper.
- You got this.
- My name is Jasper Dunlop.
And I'm wearing two hats.
I'm going to eat
this ice cream cone thusly.
And now without a permit,
I'm going to take photos
of this rabbit.
[ camera clicking ]
Ooh, yeah, you're an animal.
Show me those ears.
- Do you know
what's wrong with him?
- Yeah.
We're all mad that Captain Man
got arrested
for breaking some stupid law
about hair nets.
- So he's protesting
by breaking more stupid laws.
- Oh.
- What are you doing?
- You're under arrest.
- What? But I'm just a child.
- Doesn't matter.
- But I was only doing this
to show how wrong it was
to arrest Captain Man.
- Well, now you're going to be
in jail with Captain Man.
- But I didn't even...
I am?
- Come on.
- [ laughs ]
I'm going to hang out
with Captain Man.
- Poor Ray.
- What do you mean?
- It's bad enough he's spending
Christmas Eve in jail,
now Jasper's going to be
in there bugging him
all day and night.
- Oh yeah.
Poor Ray.
- [ sighs ]
Well, I might as well
keep him company.
- What do you mean?
- Hold this.
Oh, look at me, I'm a criminal.
I'm wearing two hats
simultaneously.
Oh, look what I'm going
to do to this ice cream cone.
Mm.
Yo, bunny, smile.
Mm, ooh, mm, ooh, ooh.
- All right,
you two are under arrest.
- Oh no.
- Wait, why am I under arrest?
- Because you watched him
wear double hats
and bite that ice cream
and you did nothing.
- Aw.
- And my barber...
my barber used to be
my best friend.
But since my hair fell out,
he's all, like,
"Get out of my barber shop.
"You ain't got nothing
for me to do."
- Yeah, barbers.
- Which cell? Where is he?
Captain Man.
- What have I done?
What makes you hate me?
- Whoa, whoa, wait a second.
- What?
- You're going to put me
in the same jail cell
with a bunch of guys?
- Look, it's Christmas.
The women's prison is full.
- So, this cell's all we got.
- I don't believe this.
- Well, we've explained it
as best we can.
- So, you better just
suspend your disbelief.
- Do you remember me?
I'm Jasper.
We've met several times.
- Yes, I remember you.
Hi, hey, why don't you talk
to my new friend Harold?
- No, I'm bald.
Don't look at me.
[ crying ]
- Okay, so, what's the plan?
- What do you mean?
- The plan, what's the plan?
- The plan for what?
- The plan
to get me out of here.
- [ both ] Oh.
- Okay, I see.
- We don't have one.
- You don't have a plan?
- No. I mean, I just figured
you wouldn't want to be
locked up alone with Jasper,
so I got arrested
to keep you company.
- I'm just a victim
of circumstance.
- Great.
So I get to spend Christmas
in a jail cell.
- Well, at least
we're here with you.
- Yeah, and I'm sure
our parents will try
to get us out.
- It's okay.
It's not your fault.
You didn't choose
to be this way.
[ doorbell rings ]
- Coming.
Oh. Hi, officer...
- Doobin.
Can I come in?
- Sure.
Is... is there a problem?
- Yeah.
Who put two gold balls
right next to each other
like that?
- Oh, I was just going
to change those.
- Before you do that,
I'm here to let you know
that your kid's in jail.
- My what?
Honey, come down here quick!
- Is everything all right?
Why did you scream?
Oh geez, is that a cop?
That's a cop.
- Yeah, I'm Officer Doobin.
I just put your kid in jail.
- Aah!
- Well, we knew
this day would come.
- Well, I know, but I thought
Piper would be at least 16
before she went to jail.
- What'd she do?
- I'm sorry?
- I'm back from the mall.
- Piper?
- Hey.
Dad, I maxed out
all three of your credit cards.
What up with the cop?
- You said she was in jail.
- No, we arrested your son.
- Henry got arrested?
- That's right.
He wore two hats simultaneously,
bit some ice cream,
and took photos of a bunny
without a permit.
- Okay, someone's got to go
through Swellview's dumb laws
and get rid of all
those ridiculous ones.
- Yeah.
Well, Merry Christmas.
- Wait a second.
- You take me to my son's
jail cell right now.
- I can't do that.
You'll have to talk
to the judge.
He'll be back in January.
- January?
That's multiple days from now.
- Hey, Mom, Dad.
- Officer?
Quick question.
- What?
Hey, give me that walkie-talkie.
- No.
Are you insane?
- She's not. But I am.
- That tears it.
You're both under arrest.
Let's go.
- Hey, Darla, guess what?
No, my parents
just got arrested.
Yeah.
So, Christmas party
at my house tonight?
- I figured I'd sit here.
- Okay.
I can't believe you're in jail.
- You're in jail.
- Well, what kind of mother
would I be if I let my child sit
in jail without his mother?
- You know, I think you look
way too young
to be anyone's mother.
- Oh, stop.
- Yeah. Stop.
- I can't believe I'm a girl
spending Christmas
in a man's jail.
And I don't see
any tissues available.
- Look, the important thing
is that it's Christmas
and we're all together.
- We're not all together.
- Yeah, I'm worried
about your father.
- Well, I mean,
if they arrested him with you,
how come they didn't
put him in here?
- Because apparently pulling
a police officer's pants down
is a class one misdemeanor.
- Uh-oh.
- What?
- That means
they probably locked him up
with the extra
dangerous criminals.
- What's your story?
- Me?
[ knuckles crack ]
I'm a project manager.
I manage projects.
- I mean, what are you in for?
- I pants'd a policeman.
I want to play the handbells.
- Excuse me.
Are there any more spoons
in here?
Hey, fellas. Come here.
- This does not feel
like Christmas.
- Nope.
- Not at all.
- Not even close.
- This is the opposite
of Christmas.
[ spoons clanging ]
- Am I imagining something
or...
is that...
- Jingle Bells.
- In jail?
- But where could it be
coming from?
♪ Jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
- Hey.
♪ Jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
♪ O'er the fields we go ♪
♪ Laughing all the way ♪
♪ Ha, ha, ha ♪
- [ sighs ]
Merry Christmas, ladies.
[ oven bell ]
- Mmm...