So, I text my girlfriend back,
like, only nine minutes later,
and she yells at me.
Why?
Because she says it's rude
if you take more than
two minutes to text back.
- Really?
- No way.
- That's crazy.
Well, get this.
My girlfriend smells my socks,
and if they smell weird,
she tells me it's time
to change my socks.
- Ugh.
- That's jank.
- Crazy.
They're your socks.
I know, right?
Like, what is
wrong with girls?
- You tell me.
- A lot.
Well, my girlfriend
is awesome.
What?
You ain't got no woman.
I do, too.
She just lives out of town.
Psh. Yeah right.
Can you believe him?
- Let's go.
(Laughing)
Oh, sure, just exit laughing.
Hey.
How you doing, Jasp?
I'm doing mad.
Can you believe those guys
think I'm lying about
having a girlfriend?
(Both) Yeah.
You guys don't
believe me either?
Well, we believe...
- That you're lying.
- Yeah.
But I've been telling
you guys about Courtney
ever since I got back
from summer camp.
Jasper, you don't have to
make things up
to impress us.
I'd never make up a lie
just to impress you guys.
- Really?
Third grade.
You pulled a bag of dirt
out of your pocket
and told me it
came from Jupiter.
I thought it did.
Back then I didn't know
you can't trust guys
in vans who sell space dirt.
Dude, you'll get
a girlfriend someday.
(Charlotte)
But if not, you can get a pet.
- You can get a rabbit
for like, 20 bucks.
I don't need a rabbit.
I got a girl and
her name is Courtney,
whether you believe it or not.
And what's Courtney's
last name?
Sham.
And what city
is she from?
Fibberton.
All right,
why don't you invite
Courtney Sham from Fibberton
here to Swellview
so we can all meet her.
(Charlotte)
Yeah.
Tell her she can
stay at my house.
Maybe I will.
Bye.
They can't prove
you're not from Jupiter.
It all just kind of happened.
My dad was
an irresponsible scientist.
I wanted an afterschool job.
(Captain Man)
And by accident,
he made me indestructible.
Ah!
(Henry)
I went into this crazy store
and met a pretty
interesting guy.
I'm going to blow your mind.
(Captain Man)
Now I protect the good
citizens of Swellview.
Who'll call me...
He turned out to be...
You know the name.
Captain man!
That's right, Henry.
(Captain Man)
In time, I realized
that being a superhero
is a lot to handle alone.
He wanted some help.
(Captain Man)
I needed a sidekick.
I, Henry Hart...
Pledge to never ever
ever tell anyone...
- That I'm captain man's
secret sidekick.
- It is done.
(Henry)
Now we blow bubbles.
(Captain Man)
And fight crime.
(Henry)
Feels good.
- Call it.
- Up the tube!
Oh, my boot.
Ha!
Here it comes.
Bring it, son.
Yeah, I'll bring it.
You got nothing.
What do you call this?
Lame.
Hey guys,
Harrison Ford just
crash landed his airplane
in the Jandy River.
Again?
Isn't this, like, his
third plane crash?
Ha.
Dah.
21 to 19.
I win again.
Dang it, dang it.
Frigid dipthong kumquat dang,
dang it.
- Good game.
- Thanks.
Now...
Let's blow a bubble
and get Harrison Ford
out of trouble.
Let's go.
What the...
What is all over your tube?
Okay.
Yesterday,
Schwoz told me to go up the tube
with a hot nacho platter
and the suckage made the cheese
and the refried beans
go everywhere.
Schwoz?
My sister is in town,
and she wanted
a taste of Mexico.
All right.
Well, now, both of you
are going to clean
that whole tube.
Oh, come on.
The tube is, like,
100 feet tall.
Well, you should've
thought of that
before you tried to fly up it
with a hot sloppy snack.
Wait, wait, what?
Okay.
Harrison Ford's
airplane just sank.
You guys should go save him.
We will.
After one more quick game?
- We can't ju--
- My serve.
Dumb next door neighbor
changing her dumb
Wi-Fi password.
(Piper's father)
Hey, Piper.
Who are you making lunch for?
The girl who lives next door.
I thought you didn't like her.
I don't.
But her dad pays for super
high-speed Internet service,
unlike some cheaper
dads I'm looking at.
Are you stealing
our neighbor's Wi-Fi?
I was.
But then they changed
their dumb password
and now I can't use it.
I'm not okay.
(Doorbell rings)
She's here.
Please go to your room.
I don't want to
go to my room.
One...
All right.
(Doorbell rings)
Just a sec!
Here I come!
Hey, neighbor.
Hi, Piper.
- Well, come on in.
- Thanks.
So, why'd you invite
me over for lunch?
Why?
Because you're awesome.
Duh.
Well, thanks.
- Sure.
Come sit down.
- Okay.
I hope you're hungry.
Oh, I am.
Well, then, dig in.
Okay.
So...
What was the name
of your first pet?
Dutchess.
- Yeah, she was an old English--
- Yeah, I don't need to know
that.
Dah.
Why are you typing
the name of my dog?
Because I forget things
and this helps
me remember them.
Oh.
Hey.
Were you born in Swellview?
No.
My family moved
here this summer--
Just tell me what city
you were born in.
Seattle.
Dah.
(Text alert)
Oh, one sec.
- Uh-oh.
- What?
My grandmother's
stuck in her hot tub.
I got to go help
pull her out.
Okay, but...
What's your mom's
maiden name?
- Anderson. Bye.
Anderson.
Come on, come on, come on.
Dang it.
Hey.
How come Jasper wasn't
in class last period?
I don't know.
He asked miss Shapen
if he could skip class,
and she said, "Yeah, sure, just
leave me like every man does."
Wow. Cool school.
Thanks.
Oh, Charlotte, Henry.
Didn't expect to
see you two here.
Why?
We go to school
here every day.
And this is where
our lockers are.
Ha, ha.
Too true.
So, I'd like you
to meet my girl,
Courtney.
Hi.
It's so great to
meet you guys.
Jasper's told me
so much about you.
Okay, did he find
you at a bus stop?
And did he pay you
50 cents to come here
and pretend to
be his girlfriend?
50 cents?
Look at her.
He's your boyfriend?
Well, I sure hope so.
I just rode a bus 300 miles
from Fibberton to see him.
I paid 20% of
her bus ticket.
So, how come this
is the first time
she's been to Swellview?
Because I don't have
a guest room in my house.
So when Charlotte said she
could stay at her place,
I invited her to come here.
But I didn't know
she was real.
Well, she is.
- Want to feel her face?
- No.
I guess I'll call my mom
and let her know
you're coming over.
- Great.
- Super.
Hey, wait here.
I'm going to
go get the guys
and bring them here to show
them that you really exist.
Hey guys!
Wow.
You seem awesome.
Jasper's a lucky guy.
Thanks.
He says really nice things
about you and Charlotte.
Well, Jasper's been my
best friend for a long time,
and he loves Charlotte.
Yeah.
What do you mean?
Huh?
You said Jasper
loves Charlotte.
Yeah, you know,
they like...
Oh, no, no,
wait, wait.
I didn't mean he loves her.
Are there any other
girls around here
Jasper is in love with?
No. No, just Charlotte.
Oh, great.
So he is in love with her.
No. They just,
they're just really
close and it's like--
Oh my god.
Hi.
So I talked to my mom.
She said it's no problem.
Good.
(Charlotte)
Good night, mom!
Love you!
(Charlotte's mom)
Love you, baby!
Hey.
You got enough pillows?
Yeah.
So...
I was trying to use this remote
to turn on your ceiling fan,
but it was making a weird noise.
Hmm.
I've never had
a problem with it.
Well, I think something
looks broken.
See, just stand right underneath
it and look up.
All right.
Hmm.
(Screams)
Wow. How about that?
Good night.
(Grunting)
You're going down.
I'm coming up.
Here it comes.
It's coming back.
I'm the king of ping.
I'm the master of pong.
Look out now.
(Horn blowing)
And I win again.
No.
(Ray)
Yes.
And that means I keep...
the ping pong championship belt.
(Laughs)
Hoo, hoo, hoo.
But Schwoz distracted me.
Hey.
Ping pong's about
three things,
paddles,
staying focused,
and small plastic balls.
Why'd you walk in here
and blow that thing?
I found it in a dumpster.
(Beeping)
Ugh, gross.
You guys still haven't
cleaned that tube?
- Hello.
- Hey, Char.
- Hi. Charlotte.
- No thanks,
I just ate a taco.
What's up with her?
Worry about her later.
Right now you and Schwoz
are going to clean that tube.
Or...
I challenge you.
To what?
To another game
of ping pong.
Huh.
If I lose,
me and Schwoz
clean the tube.
If you lose,
you clean it.
While wearing
ducky pajamas.
No, don't make this bet.
It's a bet.
Doh.
He made it despite
my protests.
(Doorbell rings)
Hey.
Welcome back, neighbor.
Get in here.
Okay.
Here, come sit with me.
Sure.
So...
I was wondering
if you'd take a survey.
It's for Charity.
- All right, go ahead.
- Thanks.
Question number one,
if you wanted to
type something
that was between
6 and 15 Characters long,
and you didn't want anyone
else to be able to guess it,
what would you type,
and which Characters
would be upper case
and which would
be lower case?
Piper.
Yeah, what?
Are you trying to figure out
my password for something?
Ugh.
Okay, yes.
Yes, I am.
Look, our Internet
is so slow.
And yours is so fast.
But you guys
changed your password
and now I can't
access your Wi-Fi.
Well, you didn't have to
go through all this.
You can totally
use our Wi-Fi.
I can?
Sure.
And the password's easy.
It's just my first name.
Oh, great.
- Your first name?
- Yeah.
Um...
Oh, um...
Well, quick question.
Oh my god.
Don't get mad.
You don't know my name.
Well, I was trying--
I've lived next door
to you for seven years.
I know, but you never--
I babysat you.
And you did a great job.
You came to
my bat mitzvah.
Your Hebrew was spot on.
Wait. Please.
I need fast Internet.
Fine, just get
out of here.
I'm already gone.
Well, you know what?
Your bat mitzvah was lame!
Shabbat sha'lame!
Hey, Char.
Charlotte.
What?
What, what, what?
Why are you
looking at pics
of Jasper's girlfriend?
Because she's
trying to kill me.
What?
Last night,
I think she loosened some
bolts on my ceiling fan.
Because it fell and almost
took my head off.
Why would Courtney
want to hurt you?
I don't know.
But she's acting
all jealous.
Why would she be
jealous of me?
Uh...
What do you mean,
"uh?"
See, at school,
I might have kind of made
Courtney think that
Jasper kind of...
Loves you.
Well, why would
you say that?
Because he does love you
as a friend. But she'd
didn't get that.
Yeah, all she got was
a reason to kill me.
Well, what do
you want me to
do?
Help me tell Jasper
that his girlfriend is a
crazy jealous lunatic.
He'll never believe us.
Okay.
Then we're
going to tell him,
- and we're going to show him.
- How?
You and Jasper are going to
hide in my room tonight,
and he'll see for himself
how koo-koo his
girlfriend is.
Ah, I don't know.
Please?
Do you still keep that
dish of gummy bears
by your closet door?
Yeah.
Okay, I'll do it.
Hi.
How are you?
Why did you get out of bed?
Oh, I just need to
use the bathroom.
- Wait.
- Yeah?
Um...
Listen.
I know Henry told you
that Jasper loves me.
Oh. Well, yeah.
He did.
Right.
But I want you to understand,
he meant just as friends.
I promise I'm not trying
to take Jasper away from you
or anything like that.
Oh.
Well, thanks.
I really appreciate
you telling me.
See? She's not insane.
- You both owe me an apology.
- No. She may be acting nice
now,
but I'm telling you,
she needs help.
I think she seems
pretty nice.
Then explain the ceiling fan
- almost falling on my head.
- Aah!
(Screams)
Stay away from my man!
(All yelling)
(Courtney)
I'll get you for that!
I'll get you!
Okay,
maybe she needs help.
(Grunting)
Whoo.
Ha, ha. Yeah.
That's 17 to 20.
One more point and I win.
I know how ping pong
scoring works.
Your serve.
- Are you stalling?
- (Henry) No,
it's just Schwoz is
supposed to be here
and he's late, so...
- Kid,
it's game point.
Just serve,
lose,
and get to scrubbing
the filthy tube.
(Schwoz)
Hey, guys.
Ray,
this is Larry.
What, are you crazy?
You can't bring people
down to the man cave.
Larry is family.
You said I could bring anyone
in my family down here
except for my sister
who looks like a horse.
Oh.
All right.
But I'm just about to beat Henry
at ping pong so if you guys--
Just a sec.
Larry, right there.
What's happening?
You said that ping pong
is all about staying focused.
Yeah, but what's the--
(Music starts)
18-20.
Wait a minute,
I wasn't ready.
Got to stay focused.
(Grunting)
19-20.
Ooh.
20-20.
You got to win by two.
No prob.
(Siren wailing)
Ha, ha.
21-20.
(Schwoz)
Henry,
one more point
and we won't have to
wear the pajamas.
You cannot be serious.
Ha, ha.
22-20.
The kid wins.
Whoo.
Yeah.
You're doing great, Ray.
Keep it up, Ray.
(Ding)
Mmm...