♪♪
(man)
To fight that crime.
And, luckily,
Swellview has the best
crime fighters of all.
And so,
my fellow Swellviewians,
as vice mayor
of this fine city,
I present these medals
of recognition for bravery
and community service
to our very own Captain Man
and Kid Danger.
Oh, and please accept
this coupon
for one free
medium frozen yogurt.
Wow.
Each?
No, you'll have
to split the yogurt.
Thank you, vice mayor.
And thank you,
citizens of Swellview.
Hey, why didn't Henry
come to this?
Oh, he...
His goldfish had babies.
What goldfish?
I didn't know Henry
had a goldfish.
Well, he does
and she was pregnant.
Do we know
who the father is?
And we very much
appreciate these medals
and the yogurt,
which we'll share.
Kid Danger, you're up.
(cheering)
We love you, Kid Danger!
Kid Danger is so hot.
Yeah, you don't want
to be saying that.
Even though I've only been
Captain Man's sidekick
for a short time, I really--
(music plays)
Wha-- Seriously?
They're playing me off?
I think
there was a time limit.
(man)
Look over here.
Hello.
Hi.
Hey, Jasper,
did you notice our new...
skinny jeans?
They're like regular jeans,
but super tight.
Girls love them.
Yeah, I don't know.
(laughing)
Oh, hi girls.
Ladies.
Thanks for the snow cones.
Yeah, nice cones.
Come on, let's take a walk
around Swellview Pond.
I've been wearing
the wrong pants.
Uh, your problems
are way bigger
than your pants.
I got to start somewhere.
Hey, Captain Man,
our car's ready.
Then let's ride.
Wait, Captain Man!
Captain Man!
Yes, you in the loose pants.
Will you sign my Captain Man
action figure?
Sure. Just bring it up here
and I'd be glad to--
(crowd gasps)
(groans)
It hit him in the mouth!
Sorry, Captain Man!
No worries.
I'm okay!
Captain Man.
What?
Blood.
Why do you have
a bloody thumb?
I don't.
You have a bloody lip
from that toy
hitting you in the face.
But...
But that's impossible.
I can't be injured.
I'm Captain Man.
Well, Captain Man's lip
is bleeding.
Henry.
Yeah?
I'm not okay.
Shh!
It all just kind of happened.
My dad was
an irresponsible scientist.
I wanted
an afterschool job.
And by accident,
he made me indestructible.
Aah!
I went into this crazy store
and met
a pretty interesting guy.
I'm going
to blow your mind.
Now I protect
the good citizens of Swellview,
who call me...
He turned out to be...
You know the name.
Captain Man!
That's right, Henry.
In time, I realized
that being a superhero
is a lot to handle alone.
He wanted some help.
I needed a sidekick.
I, Henry Hart...
Pledge to never ever,
ever, tell anyone...
That I'm Captain Man's
secret sidekick.
It is done.
Now we blow bubbles.
And fight crime.
Feels good.
♪♪
Call it.
Up the tube!
Ah, my boot.
Ha!
♪♪
Come on, Gooch,
how many of these tests
are we going to do?
Shush.
Now, remove your right glove,
then hold up your hand.
This is getting
on my nerves now.
Hold in the fire!
Ow, ow, ow!
(screaming)
(whimpering)
Do you still feel
the pain in your hand?
Yeah.
I don't get it.
It's been two seconds,
the pain should be gone by now.
We need more tests.
No, we've checked enough
of my body parts.
What about his butt?
Check his butt.
We should check your butt.
Check my butt how?
Face the other way
and touch your toes.
Oh, no, no, no.
You've already
stabbed my neck,
poured acid on my foot,
and toasted my hand.
I think we can all assume
I'm also vulnerable
to butt wounds.
Hey, you guys...
This is great
frozen yogurt.
Half that yogurt's mine.
Gooch,
what's going on with me?
No one's been able to injure me
since I was eight years old.
Hey, everybody,
come look at this.
What's up?
Watch this news footage
from the award thing yesterday.
Here, I'll play it
in slow motion.
(slowed audio, garbled)
(Charlotte)
There. See right there?
You see that woman
with the perfume?
She intentionally
sprayed me.
But perfume
wouldn't make you
lose your powers.
True.
Perfume wouldn't.
Only the tears
of the jolly beetle.
Jolly what?
(Gooch)
There.
The jolly beetle.
One of the rarest
and happiest bugs on earth.
So, you guys are saying
that a jolly beetle
can take away
Captain Man's power?
Not the beetle itself.
The beetle's tears.
You see, when they cry,
their tears
contain an enzyme,
like an acid that breaks down
molecular density.
And molecular density
is what makes
Captain Man undamageable.
And you guys think that
that lady's perfume...
Contained the tears
of a jolly beetle.
Ah, that's impossible.
To fill a whole
perfume bottle,
you'd need tears
from dozens of jolly beetles.
And they would
all have to be crying.
But if those beetles
are so jolly,
what would make them cry?
(crying beetles)
Nurse Cohort,
turn up the movie's volume.
But Daddy, I love Elmer.
He's my best friend.
But he's a wild animal.
We've got to let him go.
(boy)
But Mama said
I could keep him forever.
Your mama's gone, son.
And she ain't coming back.
(sniffles) I know.
(boy crying)
(man) It's time, boy.
(sobs) Okay.
Go on, Elmer.
Go on now.
Get! (cries)
Go on!
(boy crying)
Look at this.
All my beetles are crying.
Making more tears.
(sobbing)
(laughing)
(grunting)
(phone dings)
(Jasper grunting)
hey, I got a news alert.
It says a tiger
escaped from the zoo.
Shh!
Jasper's putting on
the skinny jeans.
A tiger could eat your mom.
(grunting)
These are too tight.
Well, if you want
to get girls,
you got to get
those jeans on.
I'm trying.
Try harder.
Hello, boys.
How are the jeans fitting?
He can't get them on.
He doesn't want it
bad enough.
I do too.
All right, don't stress.
I'm here to help.
Oh.
Nevaeh, Candy,
little help?
You're calling for backup?
I know what I'm doing.
Hurry in.
Everybody, grab and pull.
(grunting)
(Jasper)
Ow!
Eddie,
we need the jean horn!
These jeans are, like,
two sizes too small.
No, they're not.
Give it.
Okay, so, how is this
going to work?
Pull harder.
Okay.
Suck in.
I am. I am.
Come on, Jasper!
Jasper!
I'm inhaling.
Okay, say,
"I love fashion."
I love fashion.
(man)
"I love fashion."
I love it! (grunts)
They're on.
Go show your friends.
Yeah.
Those are skinny jeans.
I think
they could be tighter.
♪♪
(alarm blaring)
Captain Man?
Hey, Captain Man!
(intercom beeps)
Captain Man to the man cave.
Captain Man
to the man cave.
Hey.
What, Gooch?
Why haven't you left yet?
The tiger roams free.
I'm waiting for Ray.
(Ray)
I'm coming.
(grunting)
What are you wearing?
Just, you know,
some extra protection.
You don't need
extra protection,
you're Captain Man.
But I can be injured now.
Well, you're still
a great fighter.
Tigers can be vicious.
Maybe this one's nice.
I mean, come on.
Let's not stereotype
all tigers.
Do you know last night
I went across the street,
a bee stung me?
And now I got a red bump.
Did you provoke the bee?
Yeah, Henry.
I was flirting
with the bee's girlfriend.
I was all "zzz zzz"
and she was all "zzz zzz."
Ray, it's our job
to protect Swellview.
Oh, face it, kid,
I've lost it.
I can't protect Swellview.
I couldn't protect a duck
from a Chinese restaurant.
Ray.
You go on without me.
Go on now, get!
♪♪
(grunts)
Ugh, I can't eat anymore.
Oh, yeah I can.
(alarm beeping)
Hey, kid, where you been?
I was pulling
a big foreign lady
out of a swamp...
by myself, alone.
Like, I've been
doing everything
for the past two days.
You want some meat?
No, I don't want
your canned meat.
I want you
to get off your butt
and get back in the game.
I want Captain Man.
Sorry.
Say hi to Captain Couch.
(screaming)
(ding)
You guys,
I found something.
What did you find?
Okay, Ray lost his power
because he got sprayed
with tears
from a jolly beetle.
Yeah, yeah,
I think we're all aware
of what's happened
up to this point.
Just tell us what you fou--
(phone rings)
(Ray groans)
What now?
What?
Where's Mom?
I don't know.
But I can't talk--
I am not okay!
You've never ever been okay.
Who's that?
Just my dumb sister.
I heard that.
Piper, I--
My friend Marla
took a pic of me
and I looked really bad in it.
Oh no.
And she promised me
she wouldn't post it,
but then she did post it
and she tagged me.
Wow, tell me more.
This is
the third time--
Okay, tell us
what you found out.
That jolly beetles
only eat one thing.
What?
Japanese fish flakes.
Fish flakes?
Yeah.
And two weeks ago,
100 pounds of them
were shipped to a warehouse
right here in Swellview.
A load of fish flakes
that big
would feed dozens
of jolly beetles.
And who would need to have
that many jolly beetles?
Someone who needed a lot
of jolly beetle tears.
Enough to spray
Captain Man.
(Piper)
Henry, are you listening?
One sec.
Henry?
She did?
No way.
Then what happened?
Where's the warehouse?
Downtown, Abbey Road.
Ray, let's go.
No.
I can't fight bad guys
in my condition.
Is he serious?
He's afraid now
because he can be injured.
Well, who wouldn't be afraid?
How about me?
I'm your sidekick
and I've been
helping you do all kinds
of dangerous stuff,
and I never had any powers.
I can be hurt.
Which is why I pay you
$9 an hour.
I'll be back.
Where you going?
To do my job.
(Piper) Messed up.
Yeah, yeah, Marla's bad
and you're amazing.
Thank you.
Well? Go with him.
(groans) I can't.
You mean you won't.
Have you seen my bee sting?
Just forget it.
I don't need
Captain Couch.
(beeping)
Up the tube!
Look, the bee hurt me.
♪♪
How do they look?
You tell me.
Want me to be honest?
They look great.
You guys, I need help.
What's wrong?
I can't get
my skinny jeans off.
Wait.
You've been wearing those
for three days straight?
Yeah.
And I got to go
to the bathroom.
Have you tried
pulling really hard?
Yes.
I'm out of ideas.
Yes.
Yes, my beetles.
(beetles crying)
Watch the sad movie.
Enjoy the sad movie.
(crying beetles)
(man, in movie)
Ah, darn it, he's dead.
Oh, yes.
Soon I'll have enough
beetle tears
to ensure
that Captain Man
will never be
a threat to me again.
(Nurse Cohort)
And then what?
Well, then I can
do whatever I want
here in Swellview.
Well, what do you
want to do?
I don't know.
(grunts)
Okay, nobody move.
Who's that boy?
Easy, don't get nervous.
It's just Kid Dumpster.
That's Danger.
I know.
I was being disrespectful.
Allow me
to introduce myself.
Yeah, I know who you are.
Doctor Maniac.
It's Minyak.
I know.
I was being disrespectful.
It's over.
I'm taking you
and your hot nurse to jail.
Goons!
And now I think I shall have
to teach you some manners.
Why don't you teach me?
Captain Man!
You are handsome.
And you are... correct.
He may be handsome,
but he can be hurt now,
just like any man.
You, hold the boy.
You, hurt Handsome.
Ooh, I'm so scared
of your little club.
What do you do with that thing,
spank hamsters?
Oh, now it's bigger.
Get him, Captain Man!
(groans)
Come on, I had to.
(grunts)
Captain Man, watch out!
Careful.
These are dangerous.
Yeah!
That was awesome!
Thanks.
But it really hurt my knee.
I'm going to see to it
that more than your knee hurts.
Take your hands
off my coffee mug!
No.
Kid Danger?
Yeah?
Count your toes.
(grunts)
Now, Kid Danger and I
are going to take
these beetles
back to my headquarters
and figure out a way
to get my power back.
You'll have
to catch them first.
The beetles!
No! No!
Ta-ta! Cheerio! See ya!
I shall recur!
Come on,
we got to go after them.
No! No!
That's yokonium gas.
It'll destroy the beetles.
So?
We need the beetles
to get my power back.
We can't let them die.
Oh no.
The gas already
killed this one.
♪♪
So, how does this work?
You see, when the beetles
watch something funny,
they secrete euphoric acid,
which we can use to reverse
the weakening effect
of the tears.
You started that fight.
You calling me a liar?
I ain't calling you
a truther.
(laughing beetles)
(sighs) Classic.
And now
I extract the fluid.
(Henry)
And this happy bug juice
is really going
to fix Captain Man?
We hope.
It better.
Come on, let's do this.
Ready?
Spray in the hole.
Ah! Ooh!
(groaning)
That's interesting.
(sighs)
Did it work?
Only one way
to find out.
Setting to intensity five.
(alarm beeping)
Emergency.
Somebody help me, please!
I can't get
these jeans off.
You hear that?
There's a boy wandering
through Swellview Park
trapped in his own pants.
Swellview needs you.
Okay, Gooch.
Time to check my density.
Let's see if I got
my Captain Man back.
You realize if the beetles'
euphoric acid didn't work...
You sure, Ray?
Blast me.
(grunting)
I'm okay.
Kid Danger...
(phone rings)
Ugh, it's my little sister.
Ugh.
What, Piper?
Henry, my friend Marla
is out of control.
Wow. Please tell me
all about it.
Let's go.
(Piper on phone, indistinct)
Call it.
Up the tube!
(Piper)
I can't take it!
Hello? Hello?
Henry? I am not okay!
♪♪
(oven bell)
Mmm...