1 00:00:01,077 --> 00:00:02,707 (man) Whoa! Slow down, Johnny. 2 00:00:02,745 --> 00:00:04,275 Oh, man, it's the best blow I've ever done. 3 00:00:04,314 --> 00:00:05,924 It's got little green flakes in it, man. 4 00:00:05,948 --> 00:00:06,948 Uh. 5 00:00:06,982 --> 00:00:08,622 That's the coke right there. 6 00:00:08,651 --> 00:00:09,621 What-- 7 00:00:09,652 --> 00:00:10,892 Oh, God. 8 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:12,090 Wow. 9 00:00:12,122 --> 00:00:14,262 (man) Bro, are you all right? 10 00:00:14,290 --> 00:00:16,360 Yeah! 11 00:00:16,392 --> 00:00:18,292 * Lots of money 12 00:00:18,328 --> 00:00:20,558 * Plenty of cocaine, yeah 13 00:00:20,596 --> 00:00:23,296 * Somebody somewhere gonna know my name * 14 00:00:23,333 --> 00:00:26,573 * I'm gonna hit this city tonight * 15 00:00:26,602 --> 00:00:29,412 * Where it lives and breathes 16 00:00:29,439 --> 00:00:31,809 (Dave) Well, honestly, if it weren't for the Heathens, 17 00:00:31,841 --> 00:00:34,581 I don't think there would have been a Nirvana. 18 00:00:34,610 --> 00:00:36,880 We saw the Heathens at CBGB's, 19 00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:40,652 and holy shit, man-- it changed our lives. 20 00:00:40,683 --> 00:00:44,993 (all) * Sex and drugs and rock and roll * 21 00:00:45,020 --> 00:00:47,760 (Greg) It was like if The Who [bleep] The Clash. 22 00:00:47,790 --> 00:00:50,090 They had four kids called The Heathens. 23 00:00:50,126 --> 00:00:51,156 (all) * Rock and roll 24 00:00:51,194 --> 00:00:53,164 * All right 25 00:00:53,196 --> 00:00:54,326 * All right 26 00:00:54,364 --> 00:00:55,834 * Yeah 27 00:00:55,865 --> 00:00:58,995 * Mick Jagger can do anything he wants * 28 00:00:59,034 --> 00:01:02,514 * Fly his jumbo jet to his own Caribbean haunt * 29 00:01:02,538 --> 00:01:04,938 Johnny lived with all three of his backup singers. 30 00:01:04,974 --> 00:01:06,484 And they were hot. 31 00:01:06,509 --> 00:01:09,079 (Ava) He was so musically gifted. 32 00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:11,081 He had this magnetism 33 00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:12,853 and confidence about his fate 34 00:01:12,882 --> 00:01:13,952 that drew us to him. 35 00:01:13,983 --> 00:01:17,253 He was writing songs that expressed 36 00:01:17,287 --> 00:01:20,957 the anger and turmoil of an entire generation. 37 00:01:20,990 --> 00:01:22,790 Plus, he always had a lot of drugs. 38 00:01:22,825 --> 00:01:26,025 * Sex and drugs and rock and roll * 39 00:01:26,061 --> 00:01:29,601 * Gonna save my dirty soul 40 00:01:29,632 --> 00:01:32,272 (Dave) Johnny wasn't just in a band called The Heathens. 41 00:01:32,302 --> 00:01:34,442 He was an actual heathen. 42 00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:37,770 [rock and roll music] 43 00:01:37,807 --> 00:01:40,837 [sniffing and snorting] 44 00:01:40,876 --> 00:01:42,706 There's always blow in the rug. 45 00:01:42,745 --> 00:01:44,375 * I don't want to die 46 00:01:44,414 --> 00:01:46,384 * Not a word 47 00:01:46,416 --> 00:01:48,146 * No, I don't want to die 48 00:01:48,184 --> 00:01:50,054 * Not a word 49 00:01:50,085 --> 00:01:52,015 * No, I don't want to die 50 00:01:53,022 --> 00:01:54,622 (man) They were the real deal. 51 00:01:54,657 --> 00:01:55,727 And that song, Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll-- 52 00:01:55,758 --> 00:01:56,728 they were gonna be huge. 53 00:01:56,759 --> 00:01:57,989 Made the record. 54 00:01:58,027 --> 00:01:59,127 Record company snuck it to the critics. 55 00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:00,301 Critics were raving about it. 56 00:02:00,330 --> 00:02:01,860 The album cover was dope. 57 00:02:01,897 --> 00:02:02,967 (Flash) I hated that album cover. 58 00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:04,228 It was just his big head. 59 00:02:04,267 --> 00:02:05,397 You had to squint to see the rest of us. 60 00:02:05,435 --> 00:02:06,865 (Dave) Being in a rock band-- 61 00:02:06,902 --> 00:02:08,802 there's no such thing as a democracy. 62 00:02:08,838 --> 00:02:10,508 There's always someone at the wheel, 63 00:02:10,540 --> 00:02:12,580 and it's usually the biggest [bleep] up of them all. 64 00:02:12,608 --> 00:02:14,578 * All kinds of people 65 00:02:14,610 --> 00:02:17,680 * Worshipping whatever I do 66 00:02:17,713 --> 00:02:21,023 (Flash) His ego? Out of control. 67 00:02:21,050 --> 00:02:22,650 I spent half my time breaking up fights 68 00:02:22,685 --> 00:02:23,915 between Flash and Johnny. 69 00:02:23,953 --> 00:02:25,593 - Guys. - Come on! 70 00:02:25,621 --> 00:02:27,991 (Flash) Johnny never cared about anybody but himself. 71 00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,193 He didn't care about the rest of the band. 72 00:02:29,225 --> 00:02:30,185 He never listened. 73 00:02:30,226 --> 00:02:31,426 (Johnny) Bullshit, man. 74 00:02:31,461 --> 00:02:32,861 That band was like a family to me. 75 00:02:32,895 --> 00:02:34,995 All I thought about was The Heathens 24/7. 76 00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,600 [laughing] He slept with my fiancée. 77 00:02:37,633 --> 00:02:39,503 [laughs] 78 00:02:39,535 --> 00:02:40,495 He did. 79 00:02:40,536 --> 00:02:41,996 Did not sleep with his fiancée. 80 00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:43,867 (man) You didn't sleep with Simone? 81 00:02:45,575 --> 00:02:47,435 Simone was his fiancée? 82 00:02:48,644 --> 00:02:50,384 He slept with my wife. 83 00:02:50,413 --> 00:02:52,213 I did not sleep with his wife. 84 00:02:52,248 --> 00:02:53,678 She blew me. 85 00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:55,016 How is that my fault? 86 00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:57,020 Album came out on Tuesday morning, 87 00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,922 and the band broke up that night. 88 00:02:58,954 --> 00:03:01,624 Cat, who was an amazing singer/songwriter 89 00:03:01,657 --> 00:03:03,187 in her own right, split. 90 00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:04,955 I do a lot of session work. 91 00:03:04,994 --> 00:03:06,404 Hired gun kind of stuff. 92 00:03:06,429 --> 00:03:08,399 I'm on tour right now with Lady Gaga. 93 00:03:08,431 --> 00:03:11,471 I got 770,000 Twitter followers. 94 00:03:11,501 --> 00:03:13,641 I'm @Gagaleadguitar. 95 00:03:13,669 --> 00:03:15,439 You put "Gaga" into anything-- 96 00:03:15,471 --> 00:03:17,411 @Gaga "blah-blah-blah." 97 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:18,970 @Gagamycock. 98 00:03:19,008 --> 00:03:20,478 @Gagashoe. 99 00:03:20,510 --> 00:03:21,810 @Gagabanana. 100 00:03:21,844 --> 00:03:23,554 You're gonna get a million followers. 101 00:03:23,579 --> 00:03:25,049 I'm on tour with The Whigs right now, 102 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,250 and I guarantee you 103 00:03:27,283 --> 00:03:28,983 Johnny crashes the New York show 104 00:03:29,018 --> 00:03:31,648 high on blow asking me for a favor. 105 00:03:32,622 --> 00:03:34,592 [guitar riff] 106 00:03:34,624 --> 00:03:35,894 (Johnny) I can't believe Dulli had security 107 00:03:35,925 --> 00:03:37,455 keep me from going backstage. 108 00:03:37,493 --> 00:03:39,463 Wait till he sees this chick that was staring at me. 109 00:03:39,495 --> 00:03:42,055 (Ava) Ugh, my feet hurt, and, like, 20 minutes already. 110 00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:43,567 Okay, let's wrap this up. 111 00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:45,069 There's no girl in the blue dress, John. 112 00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,570 Looks like you're still stuck with me. 113 00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:48,342 - Or vice versa. - She had a blue dress on. 114 00:03:48,371 --> 00:03:49,511 Big blue eyes. 115 00:03:49,539 --> 00:03:50,639 She was looking at me the whole gig. 116 00:03:50,673 --> 00:03:51,913 Sure that was coke you snorted 117 00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:53,511 and not some household cleaning product? 118 00:03:53,543 --> 00:03:54,583 [laughter] 119 00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:55,510 There she is. 120 00:03:55,545 --> 00:03:57,575 [bass guitar riff] 121 00:03:57,613 --> 00:04:01,023 (man) * Ooh, ooh, ooh 122 00:04:01,050 --> 00:04:04,520 * Ooh, ooh, ooh 123 00:04:04,554 --> 00:04:07,864 * Ooh, ooh, ooh 124 00:04:07,890 --> 00:04:08,860 * Ooh, ooh, ooh 125 00:04:08,891 --> 00:04:09,991 That girl? 126 00:04:10,025 --> 00:04:10,925 - That's her. - What? 127 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,460 - Oh, my God. - Oh-ho! 128 00:04:12,495 --> 00:04:14,355 You think that girl is interested in you. 129 00:04:14,397 --> 00:04:15,767 - Yeah. - Wow. 130 00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:18,098 She's gorgeous. Oh. 131 00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,473 I wish my tits still looked like that. 132 00:04:21,337 --> 00:04:22,767 Maybe she thinks you're David Bowie 133 00:04:22,805 --> 00:04:24,135 out on a big-ass bender. 134 00:04:24,173 --> 00:04:25,713 Or David Bowie's dad. 135 00:04:27,477 --> 00:04:29,277 [mumbling indistinctly] 136 00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:30,281 What? 137 00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:31,382 Holy shit. John. 138 00:04:31,414 --> 00:04:32,384 Those vicodins I gave you-- 139 00:04:32,415 --> 00:04:33,375 how many did you take? 140 00:04:33,416 --> 00:04:34,376 Snorted all three. 141 00:04:34,417 --> 00:04:35,487 You snorted all three? 142 00:04:35,518 --> 00:04:36,948 You can understand him? 143 00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:38,686 I was on tour with The Pogues for nine months. 144 00:04:38,721 --> 00:04:40,361 I speak Shane MacGowan. 145 00:04:41,524 --> 00:04:42,564 Uh-huh. 146 00:04:42,592 --> 00:04:43,962 Okay. This I got to see. 147 00:04:43,993 --> 00:04:45,063 Get on over there, big boy. 148 00:04:45,094 --> 00:04:46,364 Come on. Pony up. 149 00:04:46,396 --> 00:04:47,496 - Yeah? - Yeah. 150 00:04:48,831 --> 00:04:49,871 Okay. 151 00:04:49,899 --> 00:04:50,869 Ladies and gentlemen... 152 00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:51,970 [inhales sharply] 153 00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:53,241 (slurred) My chariot awaits. 154 00:04:53,268 --> 00:04:54,298 My chariot awaits. 155 00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:55,806 Now he's quoting the Bible. 156 00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:57,568 Yeah, you're gonna need divine intervention 157 00:04:57,607 --> 00:04:59,167 just to make it across the room. 158 00:04:59,208 --> 00:05:00,308 Okay. Watch this. 159 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:01,242 Oh, I'm watching. 160 00:05:01,276 --> 00:05:03,076 Ten bucks says he pukes on her. 161 00:05:03,112 --> 00:05:06,252 [steady dramatic drumbeat] 162 00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:10,189 [acoustic guitar music] 163 00:05:10,219 --> 00:05:15,189 * 164 00:05:15,224 --> 00:05:17,264 (man) * Flame 165 00:05:17,292 --> 00:05:22,262 * The diamond in the chain 166 00:05:22,297 --> 00:05:23,697 * Still I would-- 167 00:05:23,733 --> 00:05:26,373 [hearty laughter] 168 00:05:29,972 --> 00:05:31,272 He's up. 169 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:37,878 [chuckles] 170 00:05:39,114 --> 00:05:40,124 (all) Oh! 171 00:05:40,149 --> 00:05:41,849 Piece of shit. 172 00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:43,354 You're an asshole. 173 00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:44,685 You want proof? 174 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,060 All right, go. Go, go. Go. 175 00:05:51,326 --> 00:05:53,396 What's the lowest thing you guys have seen me do? 176 00:05:53,429 --> 00:05:54,399 Today? 177 00:05:54,430 --> 00:05:55,530 [disheartened laugh] 178 00:05:55,565 --> 00:05:56,895 [takes a deep breath] 179 00:05:56,932 --> 00:06:00,042 Turns out that girl I was trying to 180 00:06:00,069 --> 00:06:01,299 slip the tongue to... 181 00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,044 She's my daughter. 182 00:06:04,073 --> 00:06:05,783 Holy shit. 183 00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:08,209 So... 184 00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:09,383 She's available? 185 00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,911 [sighs] 186 00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:17,992 Man, you go to bed one night. 187 00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:20,990 You wake up-- it's 25 years later. 188 00:06:21,023 --> 00:06:23,593 (Ava) It seems like just a few years ago 189 00:06:23,626 --> 00:06:25,256 everything was sitting right in front of us. 190 00:06:25,294 --> 00:06:26,164 [sighs] 191 00:06:26,195 --> 00:06:27,425 All of our dreams, 192 00:06:27,463 --> 00:06:29,933 just waiting for us to make them pop. 193 00:06:29,965 --> 00:06:31,665 And then, one day, you wake up, and it's like 194 00:06:31,701 --> 00:06:34,441 three decades later. 195 00:06:34,470 --> 00:06:37,810 I got my mom's hands and my father's tits. 196 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:40,080 Honey, you don't have your father's tits. 197 00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:43,409 30 years ago, I thought I was gonna meet David Bowie. 198 00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:45,445 Instead I ended up with you. 199 00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:48,152 Baby, I'm sorry. 200 00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:51,449 I don't know what to say. 201 00:06:51,487 --> 00:06:53,117 Oh. No, no, no, no. 202 00:06:54,690 --> 00:06:55,990 I didn't mean it that way. 203 00:06:56,025 --> 00:06:57,255 Listen. 204 00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:58,792 When we're up on that stage together 205 00:06:58,828 --> 00:07:00,628 and the spotlight is shining down on us 206 00:07:00,663 --> 00:07:02,803 and you're singing your newest songs 207 00:07:02,832 --> 00:07:06,642 and I hear the pain and the soul in your voice, 208 00:07:06,669 --> 00:07:10,169 I realize there has to be a reason. 209 00:07:10,205 --> 00:07:12,975 There has to be some reason 210 00:07:13,008 --> 00:07:15,178 why we haven't made it yet. 211 00:07:15,210 --> 00:07:17,150 Some reason why it's taking so long 212 00:07:17,179 --> 00:07:19,649 but we're still chasing these dreams. 213 00:07:19,682 --> 00:07:21,782 You know what that reason is? 214 00:07:21,817 --> 00:07:23,017 What? 215 00:07:23,052 --> 00:07:24,952 No, I'm asking you what the reason is. 216 00:07:24,987 --> 00:07:26,017 I don't know. 217 00:07:28,891 --> 00:07:30,661 Shit. 218 00:07:30,693 --> 00:07:32,063 (Johnny) You're dropping me as a client? 219 00:07:32,094 --> 00:07:33,064 Not in here. 220 00:07:33,095 --> 00:07:34,395 This is bullshit, Ira. 221 00:07:34,429 --> 00:07:35,499 I'm out of options, my friend. 222 00:07:35,531 --> 00:07:36,801 You won't play covers, 223 00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:37,972 which cancels out weddings, 224 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,300 hotel lounges, cruise ships. 225 00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:40,404 You won't sing jingles. 226 00:07:40,435 --> 00:07:41,465 I'm an artist. 227 00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:42,873 An unbookable artist. 228 00:07:42,905 --> 00:07:45,065 You book a monkey who does balloon animals. 229 00:07:45,107 --> 00:07:46,307 His name is Steve, 230 00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:47,681 and he does balloon humans. 231 00:07:47,710 --> 00:07:48,810 That's his hook. 232 00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:50,314 Steve stays, but I go. 233 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:51,705 Steve works; he's booked at birthday parties 234 00:07:51,747 --> 00:07:53,177 from now until next Easter, unlike you. 235 00:07:53,215 --> 00:07:56,215 John, you're 50 and you're not famous. 236 00:07:56,251 --> 00:07:57,921 And you won't let other people sing your songs. 237 00:07:57,953 --> 00:07:59,393 In rock and roll, you know what that makes you? 238 00:07:59,421 --> 00:08:00,321 What? 239 00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:01,685 A bartender. 240 00:08:02,692 --> 00:08:04,032 The dream is over. 241 00:08:04,059 --> 00:08:05,489 Time to move on. 242 00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:07,357 Ira, listen. 243 00:08:07,396 --> 00:08:08,656 You know I can't work a regular job. 244 00:08:08,698 --> 00:08:09,868 I don't have the skills for that. 245 00:08:09,899 --> 00:08:10,869 You got to get me a gig. 246 00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:11,930 I'll take anything. Come on. 247 00:08:11,967 --> 00:08:14,167 There's got to be something. 248 00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:16,113 Bears With Bikes needs a rhythm guitar player. 249 00:08:16,138 --> 00:08:17,368 I can't play with a bunch of 250 00:08:17,406 --> 00:08:18,866 pretentious Indie-rock assholes. 251 00:08:18,908 --> 00:08:20,078 They're four bears who ride bikes. 252 00:08:20,109 --> 00:08:21,339 You play them on and offstage. 253 00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:23,106 You want me to join the circus. 254 00:08:23,145 --> 00:08:24,575 Oh. Summer of '69. 255 00:08:24,614 --> 00:08:25,584 What's that? A sex show? 256 00:08:25,615 --> 00:08:26,515 Bryan Adams tribute band. 257 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:27,848 Their Bryan Adams left 258 00:08:27,883 --> 00:08:29,353 to be the new Sting in Stung. 259 00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:30,554 What, I can't be the new Sting in Stung? 260 00:08:30,586 --> 00:08:31,616 Not when you look like 261 00:08:31,654 --> 00:08:33,124 Bryan Adams's grandfather. 262 00:08:34,624 --> 00:08:36,094 Jon Non-Jovi. 263 00:08:36,125 --> 00:08:37,855 Jon Non-Jovi... 264 00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,063 What? 265 00:08:39,094 --> 00:08:40,204 Their fake Sambora 266 00:08:40,229 --> 00:08:41,399 fired their fake Bon Jovi 267 00:08:41,430 --> 00:08:42,900 because he's going bald. 268 00:08:42,932 --> 00:08:45,232 For real; now, you still got a nice head of hair. 269 00:08:45,267 --> 00:08:47,267 What do these assholes make for playing 270 00:08:47,302 --> 00:08:48,372 other people's songs? 271 00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:49,743 15 to 20 grand. 272 00:08:49,772 --> 00:08:50,912 A year. 273 00:08:50,940 --> 00:08:51,910 A week. 274 00:08:51,941 --> 00:08:53,381 A week? 275 00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:54,578 Summer of '69 is less than half that. 276 00:08:54,610 --> 00:08:56,210 Still very, very nice. 277 00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:57,205 [phone rings] 278 00:08:57,246 --> 00:08:58,076 [sighs] 279 00:08:58,113 --> 00:08:59,213 All right. Bryan Adams. 280 00:08:59,248 --> 00:09:00,548 Non Bon Jovi. 281 00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:02,082 That's all I got for you, my friend. 282 00:09:02,117 --> 00:09:03,217 Okay? This is about Steve. I got to take this. 283 00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:04,952 [sighs] 284 00:09:06,756 --> 00:09:08,616 Listen. 285 00:09:08,658 --> 00:09:10,558 I've never asked you for anything. 286 00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:13,602 Okay, I did ask you to keep me from having a heart attack 287 00:09:13,629 --> 00:09:16,799 that one time we did the pink blow from Peru-- 288 00:09:16,832 --> 00:09:19,742 the two times I did the pink blow from Peru-- 289 00:09:19,769 --> 00:09:22,669 but you got to help me out here. 290 00:09:22,705 --> 00:09:23,935 I'll--I'll quit drugs. 291 00:09:23,973 --> 00:09:25,273 For real this time. I swear to God. 292 00:09:25,307 --> 00:09:26,407 You just--you-- 293 00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:27,581 you got to give me something, man. 294 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:28,809 Some kind of a sign or something. 295 00:09:28,844 --> 00:09:30,954 I--I can't just be, like, a bartender 296 00:09:30,980 --> 00:09:32,280 or just like a regular person. 297 00:09:32,314 --> 00:09:33,654 I mean, why did you give me all this talent 298 00:09:33,683 --> 00:09:36,523 if I was just gonna fail? 299 00:09:36,551 --> 00:09:39,491 What am I doing? 300 00:09:39,521 --> 00:09:42,261 Praying to a guy I don't even really believe in. 301 00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:44,161 Or a chick. 302 00:09:44,193 --> 00:09:45,363 - Hey. - Okay. 303 00:09:45,394 --> 00:09:47,804 Ah! What gig did Feinbaum get you? 304 00:09:47,830 --> 00:09:48,960 Bryan Adams tribute band. 305 00:09:48,998 --> 00:09:50,428 - Oh! - All right. Listen. 306 00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:51,825 No, honey. It sounds worse than it is. 307 00:09:51,867 --> 00:09:52,767 - Okay? It could be way worse. - Really? 308 00:09:52,802 --> 00:09:54,172 - Yes. - How? 309 00:09:54,203 --> 00:09:55,443 - Jon Non-Jovi. Okay? - Oh, my God. 310 00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:56,610 - What? - Oh, my God. 311 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,368 This is it. This is what happens. 312 00:09:58,407 --> 00:10:00,437 Hacking knock-off bands after three goddamn decades. 313 00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:01,635 Honey. Honey, listen to me. 314 00:10:01,677 --> 00:10:02,947 The Bryan Adams tribute thing 315 00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:04,508 pays, like, eight grand a week, 316 00:10:04,546 --> 00:10:05,976 and the Non-Jovi thing could be twice as much as that. 317 00:10:06,015 --> 00:10:07,775 Oh, my God, you're actually considering this. 318 00:10:07,817 --> 00:10:09,117 - Look--who's gonna know? - I'm gonna know. 319 00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:10,121 - Nobody's gonna know. - Okay? 320 00:10:10,152 --> 00:10:11,152 I'm gonna know. 321 00:10:11,186 --> 00:10:12,516 Go to hell, Johnny. 322 00:10:12,554 --> 00:10:13,564 Oh, wait. 323 00:10:13,588 --> 00:10:15,118 You're in a fake Bon Jovi band. 324 00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:16,657 Well, guess what? You're already there. 325 00:10:16,692 --> 00:10:18,892 - Honey, I just-- - Hang on, you guys. 326 00:10:18,928 --> 00:10:20,958 - We got company. - What do they want? 327 00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:22,056 Probably money. 328 00:10:22,097 --> 00:10:23,467 Yo, bitch. 329 00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:24,898 If it's money you're looking for, 330 00:10:24,934 --> 00:10:26,644 you're barking up the wrong friggin' tree. 331 00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:27,998 So screw. 332 00:10:28,037 --> 00:10:29,867 I don't need any money from you assholes. 333 00:10:29,905 --> 00:10:31,005 I'm rich. 334 00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:35,378 I love your shoes! 335 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,752 - Hey! - What's going on? 336 00:10:39,782 --> 00:10:41,522 I'm so sorry about kicking you in the nuts last night, Dad. 337 00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:42,680 Nah. Not a problem. 338 00:10:42,718 --> 00:10:43,818 This is my friend Becky. 339 00:10:43,853 --> 00:10:44,853 - Hey. - Hi. 340 00:10:44,887 --> 00:10:46,257 It's our first time in New York. 341 00:10:46,288 --> 00:10:47,318 Hey, how's it going? 342 00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:48,856 Well, we went to the 9/11 museum 343 00:10:48,891 --> 00:10:49,761 at Ground Zero. 344 00:10:49,792 --> 00:10:51,032 It was so awesome. 345 00:10:51,060 --> 00:10:52,390 Yeah, and then we saw some famous people 346 00:10:52,427 --> 00:10:53,757 at this club downtown last night. 347 00:10:53,796 --> 00:10:55,656 Oh, yeah, Miley Cyrus's half-sister, Brandi, 348 00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,367 and Lindsay Lohan's mom--Deans. 349 00:10:57,399 --> 00:10:58,869 Those people are not famous. 350 00:10:58,901 --> 00:11:00,701 I know, right? They're beyond famous. 351 00:11:00,736 --> 00:11:02,336 - They're huge. - No, the Beatles were huge. 352 00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:03,611 - Yeah. - Sinatra. Paul Newman. 353 00:11:03,638 --> 00:11:05,008 - They were huge. - What do you mean were? 354 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,410 What happened to Paul Newman? 355 00:11:06,441 --> 00:11:08,381 Paul Newman died, like, five years ago. 356 00:11:08,410 --> 00:11:10,280 - The popcorn guy? - No, no. He was a chef. 357 00:11:10,312 --> 00:11:13,022 Speaking of fame, that's why I'm here. 358 00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:15,048 I need you to help me get famous. 359 00:11:15,084 --> 00:11:16,594 - Aww. - Aww. 360 00:11:16,618 --> 00:11:17,618 Famous how? 361 00:11:17,652 --> 00:11:19,022 She's an unbelievable singer. 362 00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:20,524 No, no, no. 363 00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:21,855 I'm not getting involved in some hick from Ohio's 364 00:11:21,891 --> 00:11:23,431 ridiculous pipe dream-- no way. 365 00:11:23,458 --> 00:11:25,958 You know, my mom would never let me be in a band 366 00:11:25,995 --> 00:11:27,855 or anything because she hates show business, 367 00:11:27,897 --> 00:11:29,697 but she told me that once I moved out, 368 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:30,971 I could do whatever I wanted. 369 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,300 So this hick from Ohio moved out. 370 00:11:33,335 --> 00:11:34,695 Congratulations. 371 00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,636 And then she gave me $200,000. 372 00:11:39,809 --> 00:11:40,739 Great name for a band: Pipe Dream. 373 00:11:40,776 --> 00:11:42,036 Yes. 374 00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:43,707 I can sing, but I can't write, 375 00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:45,545 so I need you and Flash to write me some songs. 376 00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:46,650 I don't need Flash to write 'em. 377 00:11:46,681 --> 00:11:48,121 I can write 'em on my own. 378 00:11:48,150 --> 00:11:49,380 Oh, I'm sorry. Your solo album sucked. 379 00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:50,648 His solo album sucked. 380 00:11:50,685 --> 00:11:51,885 But the songs you guys wrote together 381 00:11:51,921 --> 00:11:53,321 for The Heathens were awesome. 382 00:11:53,355 --> 00:11:54,915 - Plus, he's kind of famous. - Really famous. 383 00:11:54,957 --> 00:11:56,727 He's not kind of famous. He's not even close. 384 00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:57,728 I'm sorry, are you Gaga's new guitar player? 385 00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:58,829 - Oh, my God. - Oh! 386 00:11:58,861 --> 00:12:00,461 - Does he know Gaga? - Yeah. He does. 387 00:12:00,495 --> 00:12:01,455 Does he breathe the same exalted air that she does 388 00:12:01,496 --> 00:12:02,396 on a daily basis? 389 00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:03,901 Yep. 390 00:12:03,933 --> 00:12:05,403 Let me explain something to you, okay? 391 00:12:05,434 --> 00:12:06,344 He should apologize to me because he broke up 392 00:12:06,368 --> 00:12:08,298 with me, not vice versa. 393 00:12:08,337 --> 00:12:09,667 Oh, God, you don't have to be such a little bitch about it. 394 00:12:09,704 --> 00:12:11,244 Tell Flash not to be such a bitch about it. 395 00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:13,013 Oh, my God, I will pay you two grand in cash 396 00:12:13,042 --> 00:12:14,282 if you go sit down with Flash. 397 00:12:14,309 --> 00:12:16,279 I'll tell him myself in person. 398 00:12:16,311 --> 00:12:18,911 I booked a rehearsal space, and I want to sing Animal 399 00:12:18,948 --> 00:12:21,778 off the only Heathens album ever recorded. 400 00:12:21,817 --> 00:12:23,787 What do you say? 401 00:12:23,819 --> 00:12:24,949 Done deal. Yeah. 402 00:12:24,987 --> 00:12:25,917 - Right? Cool. - Yeah. 403 00:12:25,955 --> 00:12:27,355 All right. Good. 404 00:12:27,389 --> 00:12:28,819 Hey, maybe Mom was wrong about you. 405 00:12:28,858 --> 00:12:31,328 Why? What did she say? 406 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,830 She said you were a lazy, selfish pothead alcoholic 407 00:12:33,863 --> 00:12:35,203 with a small dick and a death wish. 408 00:12:35,230 --> 00:12:36,630 [scoffs] 409 00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:42,042 [sighs] 410 00:12:42,071 --> 00:12:43,671 Can I talk to you alone for a sec? 411 00:12:43,705 --> 00:12:45,135 Okay. 412 00:12:45,174 --> 00:12:46,784 What, is this gonna be your "I'm sorry 413 00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:47,708 "I was never there for you 414 00:12:47,742 --> 00:12:49,012 "because I never knew you existed 415 00:12:49,044 --> 00:12:50,284 blah blah blah" speech? 416 00:12:50,312 --> 00:12:51,782 This is, you know, gonna be my 417 00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:52,883 "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you 418 00:12:52,915 --> 00:12:54,645 "'cause I never knew you existed 419 00:12:54,683 --> 00:12:56,053 "because I didn't stay in touch with your mother 420 00:12:56,085 --> 00:12:57,945 and I feel bad about that." 421 00:12:57,987 --> 00:12:59,187 It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. 422 00:12:59,221 --> 00:13:01,221 Really? 423 00:13:01,256 --> 00:13:02,656 I forgive you. 424 00:13:02,691 --> 00:13:03,661 You do. 425 00:13:03,692 --> 00:13:04,792 No. 426 00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,526 You should not only feel guilty 427 00:13:06,561 --> 00:13:08,031 about never knowing me, 428 00:13:08,063 --> 00:13:10,333 but you should feel really, really shitty 429 00:13:10,365 --> 00:13:12,165 about me growing up without a father figure 430 00:13:12,201 --> 00:13:13,641 in friggin' A-hole Ohio. 431 00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:15,638 So leave your feelings out of this. 432 00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:16,640 I don't want to hear them. 433 00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:17,811 I don't need a dad. 434 00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:20,239 I need a goddamn songwriter. 435 00:13:20,275 --> 00:13:21,835 Flash and the entire Gaga crew 436 00:13:21,877 --> 00:13:23,307 are staying at the Gansevoort, 437 00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:24,645 and in case he doesn't respond to money, 438 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,519 because, unlike you, he actually has some, 439 00:13:26,548 --> 00:13:28,348 you can show him this. 440 00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:30,654 What? 441 00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:31,845 You want me to be your pimp? 442 00:13:31,887 --> 00:13:33,087 See? We're bonding already. 443 00:13:33,122 --> 00:13:34,692 Tell him I have a thing for him. 444 00:13:34,723 --> 00:13:35,863 Do you have a thing for him? 445 00:13:36,926 --> 00:13:37,926 I have your number. 446 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,190 I'll text it to you. 447 00:13:39,228 --> 00:13:40,328 You-- 448 00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:41,332 Thank you, Daddy. 449 00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:42,533 Come on, Becky. Let's go. 450 00:13:42,564 --> 00:13:43,934 Bye, girls! I'll text you! 451 00:13:43,966 --> 00:13:45,026 Bye! 452 00:13:45,067 --> 00:13:46,537 See you later, Mr. Rock! 453 00:13:46,568 --> 00:13:47,868 Yeah. 454 00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:51,842 That's my girl. 455 00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:53,843 What if she can't really sing? 456 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:56,205 Well, then we do what's best for everybody involved. 457 00:13:56,245 --> 00:13:57,875 Send her back to her mom? 458 00:13:57,913 --> 00:13:59,253 No. 459 00:13:59,281 --> 00:14:00,881 String her along until the money runs out. 460 00:14:07,822 --> 00:14:08,792 [camera shutters clicking] 461 00:14:08,823 --> 00:14:10,033 Hey. 462 00:14:10,059 --> 00:14:11,129 How you guys doing? 463 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:12,360 - Move. Move. - Move it! 464 00:14:12,394 --> 00:14:13,864 - Move out of the way! - Move! 465 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,125 - What? - Brody. Brody. 466 00:14:15,164 --> 00:14:17,534 Brody. Brody, here. Here. Brody! 467 00:14:17,566 --> 00:14:18,626 Who's that guy? 468 00:14:18,667 --> 00:14:19,767 Bruce Jenner's son Brody. 469 00:14:19,801 --> 00:14:20,701 What? 470 00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,395 World-renowned club DJ. 471 00:14:22,437 --> 00:14:24,867 That's the guy you guys are taking photos of? 472 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,376 That douchebag? 473 00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:27,938 The only reason his whole family's famous 474 00:14:27,977 --> 00:14:29,707 is because his fat-ass half sister 475 00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:31,654 is good at sucking celebrity dick. 476 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,750 I mean, seriously. That's her talent. 477 00:14:33,782 --> 00:14:35,422 Google "Kim Kardashian blowjobs," 478 00:14:35,450 --> 00:14:36,650 'cause you know how many entries come up? 479 00:14:36,685 --> 00:14:38,815 481,000. 480 00:14:38,853 --> 00:14:40,493 That's what I read in the paper. 481 00:14:40,522 --> 00:14:42,222 I mean, is that what it takes to be famous nowadays? 482 00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:44,257 Huh? Sucking semi-famous penis? 483 00:14:44,293 --> 00:14:45,763 'Cause if it is, sign me up. 484 00:14:45,794 --> 00:14:47,164 I'll suck Bruce Jenner's cock 485 00:14:47,196 --> 00:14:48,996 right here in front of the Gansevoort Hotel. 486 00:14:49,031 --> 00:14:50,401 That's if he still has one. 487 00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:52,132 I'm serious. I want to blow Bruce Jenner. 488 00:14:52,167 --> 00:14:53,337 What? What? 489 00:14:53,368 --> 00:14:54,838 What? Let me go. Hey. 490 00:14:54,869 --> 00:14:56,239 Freedom of speech. I can say whatever I want. 491 00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,511 Hey, man. I got him. 492 00:14:57,539 --> 00:14:59,239 You want to blow Bruce Jenner, huh? 493 00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:00,944 I can explain what happened. 494 00:15:00,976 --> 00:15:03,606 I--I can't explain what happened. 495 00:15:03,645 --> 00:15:05,245 I am not lending you any money. 496 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,580 Who said anything about money? 497 00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:08,275 I talked to Dulli this morning. 498 00:15:08,317 --> 00:15:09,747 We're not getting the band back together either. 499 00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,094 Listen. Okay, listen. That's not. 500 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:12,490 I just want to have a conversation. 501 00:15:12,521 --> 00:15:13,691 (woman) Oh, hey! Hey! Hey! Hello. Hey! 502 00:15:13,722 --> 00:15:15,592 Oh, you're the guitar player! 503 00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:17,294 Oh, we loved the show last night. 504 00:15:17,326 --> 00:15:18,786 - Can you sign my tit? - Sure. 505 00:15:18,827 --> 00:15:20,327 She wants to be a singer just like Gaga, 506 00:15:20,362 --> 00:15:22,262 and she's really, really, really talented 507 00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:23,797 and she's 19, so she's legal, 508 00:15:23,832 --> 00:15:24,932 if you're interested. 509 00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:26,096 - Right, honey? - Oh, yeah. 510 00:15:26,135 --> 00:15:28,035 Are you anybody? 511 00:15:28,070 --> 00:15:30,640 You never heard of Johnny Rock, girls? 512 00:15:30,672 --> 00:15:31,772 Uh... 513 00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:32,806 No. 514 00:15:32,841 --> 00:15:33,941 Hey! There goes Gaga. 515 00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:34,805 Oh! Go, go, go, go. 516 00:15:34,843 --> 00:15:37,713 [screaming and cheering] 517 00:15:37,746 --> 00:15:38,846 Are you shitting me? 518 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:39,780 What do you want, John? 519 00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:41,284 Small favor. 520 00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:42,516 Doesn't involve any money from you. 521 00:15:42,551 --> 00:15:43,991 I'm never playing with you again. 522 00:15:44,019 --> 00:15:47,289 As in never ever, asshole. 523 00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:48,662 Listen. You owe me. 524 00:15:48,690 --> 00:15:50,160 I was the one that said, "Hey, let's start a band 525 00:15:50,192 --> 00:15:51,962 together," and then I was the guy that said, 526 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,333 once we had the band, "Hey, let's start writing 527 00:15:53,362 --> 00:15:54,832 some songs together," so when you think 528 00:15:54,863 --> 00:15:56,633 about it, you wouldn't be sitting here 529 00:15:56,665 --> 00:15:58,465 in this plush limo today without me. 530 00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,830 You sound like my ex-wife. 531 00:15:59,868 --> 00:16:01,638 I was with you for twice as long as she was. 532 00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:04,140 And I gave you that really nice skull-and-crossbone ring. 533 00:16:04,173 --> 00:16:05,413 - Not her. - Who gives a shit? 534 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:06,980 - I give a shit. - We're grown men now. 535 00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:09,478 And I'm playing in Gaga's band in spite of you 536 00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:11,381 'cause you held me back all those years. 537 00:16:11,413 --> 00:16:12,813 - I held you back. - Your ego. 538 00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:15,317 And your rock-and-roll destructive bullshit ways. 539 00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:16,320 Okay. Whatever. 540 00:16:16,351 --> 00:16:17,491 You still doing blow? 541 00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:18,819 No, I'm not doing blow. 542 00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:20,363 I haven't done blow in ages. 543 00:16:20,389 --> 00:16:22,159 'Cause you quit, or you can't afford it? 544 00:16:22,191 --> 00:16:23,361 [laughs] 545 00:16:23,392 --> 00:16:26,332 Flash... 546 00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:27,831 this isn't about drugs. 547 00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,262 I'm talking about a different high. 548 00:16:29,298 --> 00:16:31,598 A connection between me and you, man. 549 00:16:31,633 --> 00:16:33,343 When we were working together, man, 550 00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:35,998 live on stage, our vibe was killer, dude. 551 00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:37,837 Just the two of us. Wide awake. 552 00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:39,272 We were taking our emotions-- 553 00:16:39,308 --> 00:16:41,378 not Gaga's, not Jon Bon Jovi's 554 00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:43,110 or anybody-- our emotions, man, 555 00:16:43,145 --> 00:16:45,105 and our angst and whatever we were feeling 556 00:16:45,147 --> 00:16:46,617 and we were throwing it into the amps, 557 00:16:46,648 --> 00:16:49,018 and it was coming back out genius stuff. 558 00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:50,350 Remember when the record came out 559 00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:51,585 and the guy from Rolling Stone 560 00:16:51,620 --> 00:16:53,290 wrote that early review 561 00:16:53,322 --> 00:16:55,022 and he called you the wizard spawn 562 00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:56,726 of Pete Townshend and The Edge? 563 00:16:56,758 --> 00:16:58,128 We were so happy. 564 00:16:58,160 --> 00:16:59,860 That's what I'm talking about. 565 00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:02,704 When we were making people dance and scream 566 00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:05,071 and changing their lives, man. 567 00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:06,970 That's the drug I'm after, dude. 568 00:17:07,001 --> 00:17:11,041 That's--that's the high I want. 569 00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:12,042 [sighs] 570 00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:14,413 Me too, Johnny. 571 00:17:14,443 --> 00:17:16,383 I mean, I'll do some drugs, if you have some. 572 00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:17,811 Not blow, but, like, prescription stuff. 573 00:17:17,846 --> 00:17:18,906 Get out. Get out! 574 00:17:18,947 --> 00:17:19,977 Okay. Okay. 575 00:17:20,014 --> 00:17:21,424 Let me explain the favor thing. 576 00:17:21,450 --> 00:17:23,250 Cat, when she went to Ohio--turns out, 577 00:17:23,285 --> 00:17:24,885 long story short, she was pregnant by me. 578 00:17:24,919 --> 00:17:26,319 She never told me and now I have a daughter 579 00:17:26,355 --> 00:17:27,585 and she's here and she's 25 years old 580 00:17:27,622 --> 00:17:29,092 and she thinks she can sing. 581 00:17:29,124 --> 00:17:31,464 She rented the big room at SIR tomorrow at 10:00 582 00:17:31,493 --> 00:17:33,733 and she's paying me and Bam Bam and Rehab to be there 583 00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:34,902 and we really need the money, man, 584 00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:36,099 and it doesn't cost you a dime. 585 00:17:36,131 --> 00:17:37,101 All you got to do is show up. 586 00:17:37,132 --> 00:17:38,072 Let me think about it. No. 587 00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:39,429 Come on. They need the bread. 588 00:17:39,468 --> 00:17:41,168 I need the bread. 589 00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,406 [sighs] 590 00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,941 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 591 00:17:48,977 --> 00:17:50,247 What? 592 00:17:50,279 --> 00:17:53,179 [inhales sharply] 593 00:17:57,986 --> 00:17:59,416 Never mind. 594 00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:00,294 - What do you got there? - No. 595 00:18:00,322 --> 00:18:01,292 No, no, no, no. Give me. 596 00:18:01,323 --> 00:18:03,093 Holy shit. Is that her? 597 00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:04,834 No, that's not her. That's--that's a guy. 598 00:18:04,859 --> 00:18:05,989 That's the lead singer. Remember chicks with dicks? 599 00:18:06,027 --> 00:18:07,657 - She a Gaga fan? - No. 600 00:18:07,696 --> 00:18:08,656 She hates Gaga. 601 00:18:08,697 --> 00:18:09,957 I'm in. I'm way in. 602 00:18:09,998 --> 00:18:11,198 She's too young for you, man. 603 00:18:11,233 --> 00:18:12,673 Give it to me. 604 00:18:12,701 --> 00:18:14,871 You just saw me sign the tit of a 19-year-old. 605 00:18:14,903 --> 00:18:16,473 See you tomorrow at 10:00. 606 00:18:16,505 --> 00:18:18,305 Payback's a bitch. 607 00:18:24,513 --> 00:18:26,283 Hey, guys. Thanks for coming. 608 00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:27,715 We don't have a lot of time, and I got a couple things 609 00:18:27,749 --> 00:18:29,779 I want to say, so I don't want to be interrupting. 610 00:18:29,818 --> 00:18:31,618 What? 611 00:18:31,653 --> 00:18:33,323 Listen, this probably isn't gonna take very long, 612 00:18:33,355 --> 00:18:34,655 'cause like you, I'm assuming 613 00:18:34,689 --> 00:18:36,629 that Gigi's not exactly the real deal, 614 00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:38,028 but let's look at the bright side. 615 00:18:38,059 --> 00:18:39,489 We can get a nice little jam session in 616 00:18:39,528 --> 00:18:40,998 on her dime after she's done, 617 00:18:41,029 --> 00:18:42,799 but I want to lay down a couple hard-and-fast rules. 618 00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:44,701 Number one: nobody sleeps with my daughter. 619 00:18:44,733 --> 00:18:46,543 Number two: nobody sleeps with my daughter. 620 00:18:46,568 --> 00:18:48,198 Number three: sleep with my daughter, 621 00:18:48,237 --> 00:18:49,737 I pull off your fingers with a socket wrench. 622 00:18:49,771 --> 00:18:51,511 Well, forget that, 'cause Bam Bam told us 623 00:18:51,540 --> 00:18:53,240 you already tried to bang her two nights ago. 624 00:18:53,275 --> 00:18:56,005 That was before I knew she was my daughter, okay? 625 00:18:56,044 --> 00:18:58,214 I thought she was just a hot chick with a great-looking-- 626 00:18:58,247 --> 00:18:59,307 no looking at her ass, by the way. 627 00:18:59,348 --> 00:19:00,548 Or her tits. 628 00:19:00,582 --> 00:19:01,552 Matter of fact, that word's out 629 00:19:01,583 --> 00:19:02,553 when she's in here. 630 00:19:02,584 --> 00:19:03,494 What word? Ass or tits? 631 00:19:03,518 --> 00:19:04,488 Both, all right? 632 00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,519 What about rack? 633 00:19:06,555 --> 00:19:08,015 Why would rack be okay? 634 00:19:08,056 --> 00:19:10,356 Puppies. She's got a great set of puppies. 635 00:19:10,392 --> 00:19:11,492 Swear to God. Stop right now. 636 00:19:11,526 --> 00:19:12,726 - Beams. - Guns. 637 00:19:12,761 --> 00:19:14,001 - Grenades. - Guys. 638 00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:15,258 - Cadillacs. - Apples. 639 00:19:15,297 --> 00:19:16,667 Hey! 640 00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:17,998 No more nicknames for my daughter's-- 641 00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:19,002 Chesticles? 642 00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:20,573 Chest area. 643 00:19:20,602 --> 00:19:21,502 Okay? 644 00:19:21,536 --> 00:19:23,836 Enough. God. 645 00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:26,342 (Bam Bam) What about her pussy? 646 00:19:26,375 --> 00:19:27,335 What? 647 00:19:27,376 --> 00:19:29,076 Like, if she has a camel toe, 648 00:19:29,110 --> 00:19:31,010 may we say "camel toe"? 649 00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:32,105 Or CT? 650 00:19:32,146 --> 00:19:34,116 No camel toe. No CT. Okay? 651 00:19:34,148 --> 00:19:35,678 How do we refer to it, then? 652 00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:37,687 My daughter doesn't have a pussy, okay? 653 00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:39,719 She has a vagina, which is off-limits 654 00:19:39,754 --> 00:19:41,594 to each and every one of you, all right? 655 00:19:41,623 --> 00:19:43,393 Well, Johnny, you should've thought of that 656 00:19:43,425 --> 00:19:46,555 25 years ago, when you were banging our chicks. 657 00:19:46,595 --> 00:19:47,755 [bangs on drum] 658 00:19:47,796 --> 00:19:49,226 [sighs] 659 00:19:49,264 --> 00:19:50,534 Really, guys? 660 00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:54,635 Can we not just put the past where it belongs? 661 00:19:54,669 --> 00:19:55,869 Huh? 662 00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:58,044 It was a quarter of a century ago. 663 00:19:58,072 --> 00:19:59,812 [sighs] 664 00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:04,151 Of course we can, John. 665 00:20:04,178 --> 00:20:05,478 Thank you. 666 00:20:05,514 --> 00:20:07,054 But we're still gonna need a code word 667 00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:08,621 for your daughter's pussy. 668 00:20:08,650 --> 00:20:09,820 Muff. 669 00:20:09,851 --> 00:20:11,321 Muff is not a code word, asshole. 670 00:20:11,353 --> 00:20:12,623 - They know what that means. - No, they do not. 671 00:20:12,654 --> 00:20:14,324 (Bam Bam) Absolutely they do. 672 00:20:14,356 --> 00:20:16,386 Oh, like you're some kind of pussy-code-word genius. 673 00:20:16,425 --> 00:20:17,655 Actually, I am. 674 00:20:17,692 --> 00:20:19,162 - How 'bout pooch? - I like that. 675 00:20:19,193 --> 00:20:20,403 - It's Italian. - Well, it's American. 676 00:20:20,429 --> 00:20:21,999 In Ireland, they say Gee. 677 00:20:22,030 --> 00:20:23,400 - No, we're not--listen. - Ooh, you're Irish. 678 00:20:23,432 --> 00:20:24,932 - That means her vag is Irish. - Okay. 679 00:20:24,966 --> 00:20:27,896 [all speaking at once] 680 00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:29,836 And nobody's looking at her... 681 00:20:29,871 --> 00:20:31,271 puppies. 682 00:20:31,306 --> 00:20:32,506 What the hell are we gonna look at, then? 683 00:20:32,541 --> 00:20:34,511 How 'bout her face, asshole, okay? 684 00:20:34,543 --> 00:20:36,453 Ever heard of eye contact? Huh? 685 00:20:36,478 --> 00:20:37,608 Assholes? 686 00:20:37,646 --> 00:20:40,416 Ooh, she does have adorable eyes. 687 00:20:40,449 --> 00:20:41,419 No eye contact. 688 00:20:41,450 --> 00:20:42,480 There's no eye contact. 689 00:20:42,517 --> 00:20:43,787 (Gigi) I vote "pooch." 690 00:20:43,818 --> 00:20:46,188 Well, it sounds so soft and fluffy. 691 00:20:46,220 --> 00:20:47,860 Here's the deal, though. 692 00:20:47,889 --> 00:20:50,289 My pooch is not really up for grabs, 693 00:20:50,325 --> 00:20:52,025 and, knowing myself as well as I do, 694 00:20:52,060 --> 00:20:53,360 I'm probably gonna sleep with Flash 695 00:20:53,395 --> 00:20:56,525 because, well, he's not bald. 696 00:20:56,565 --> 00:20:58,125 And he's not the bass player. 697 00:20:58,166 --> 00:21:00,436 Plus, he's got this Slash-meets-Joe Perry 698 00:21:00,469 --> 00:21:02,369 Elder Statesman rock god kind of thing going on, 699 00:21:02,404 --> 00:21:04,644 which the rest of you absolutely do not. 700 00:21:04,673 --> 00:21:05,813 What are you doing here? 701 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,040 Oh. I invited him. 702 00:21:07,075 --> 00:21:08,305 I'm gonna need a manager 703 00:21:08,343 --> 00:21:10,983 once the music world gets a load of me. 704 00:21:11,012 --> 00:21:13,112 So are we gonna sing or what? 705 00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:14,477 Animal in E. 706 00:21:14,516 --> 00:21:17,046 One, two, three. 707 00:21:17,085 --> 00:21:24,555 [electric guitar riff] 708 00:21:24,593 --> 00:21:27,733 * If I didn't want you 709 00:21:27,762 --> 00:21:31,572 * Would I cry your name out loud? * 710 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,570 * Cursing as I wander 711 00:21:34,603 --> 00:21:38,243 * Into this manic crowd 712 00:21:38,272 --> 00:21:41,242 * And if I didn't need you 713 00:21:41,275 --> 00:21:44,575 * Why do you run right through my veins * 714 00:21:44,613 --> 00:21:48,423 * Savage and so dangerous 715 00:21:48,450 --> 00:21:51,750 * You linger and remain 716 00:21:51,786 --> 00:21:54,516 * And if I didn't want you 717 00:21:54,556 --> 00:21:58,526 * Would I arrive outside your door? * 718 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:01,930 * Bent but still unbroken, babe * 719 00:22:01,963 --> 00:22:04,433 * Crying out for more 720 00:22:04,466 --> 00:22:08,596 * More, more 721 00:22:08,637 --> 00:22:11,867 * Ooh, more 722 00:22:11,906 --> 00:22:15,276 * More 723 00:22:15,309 --> 00:22:18,609 * More 724 00:22:18,647 --> 00:22:20,677 * I'm an animal 725 00:22:20,715 --> 00:22:22,045 * Ooh, yeah 726 00:22:22,083 --> 00:22:23,523 * Oh, yeah 727 00:22:23,552 --> 00:22:27,792 * Ooh, you are, yeah 728 00:22:27,822 --> 00:22:29,862 * Oh, yeah 729 00:22:29,891 --> 00:22:30,931 * Yeah 730 00:22:30,959 --> 00:22:32,289 Shit. 731 00:22:32,326 --> 00:22:35,296 * 732 00:22:35,329 --> 00:22:37,769 (Gigi) * Ooh, baby 733 00:23:08,429 --> 00:23:09,999 What kind of fatherly advice... 734 00:23:10,031 --> 00:23:12,831 do you get from a legendary rock star like Johnny Rock? 735 00:23:12,867 --> 00:23:14,467 Hmm. 736 00:23:15,604 --> 00:23:17,544 Don't wear anything flammable. 737 00:23:18,873 --> 00:23:20,843 And I thought she didn't listen. 738 00:23:22,210 --> 00:23:24,250 [ Announcer ] Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll. 739 00:23:24,278 --> 00:23:27,678 All new, Thursdays at 10:00. 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