1
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,601
(knocking)
2
00:00:43,009 --> 00:00:44,476
Aw, yeah!
3
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:46,378
Wake your
punk asses up.
4
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:49,982
Let's go, y'all. It's time
to go spread the Good Word.
5
00:00:49,984 --> 00:00:51,917
(chuckles)
6
00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:53,986
Pops was real specific
when he spit that shit, dawg.
7
00:00:53,988 --> 00:00:56,422
He wanted us to cut the
bullshit, make some legit bread
8
00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:58,057
and get out here
and spread the Word.
9
00:00:58,059 --> 00:01:00,092
And the first step to spreading
the Word is getting out here
10
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:03,262
and finding people
who want to hear the Word, pimp.
11
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:04,663
Man, niggas got other shit to do
12
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:05,998
than going to church
all day, though, Jee.
13
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,933
Ah, but we in
the big leagues now, Fish.
14
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:09,168
Think about it--
15
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:11,003
you got to scope out
the competition to see how
16
00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:13,739
they getting down, right?
So we gonna go check out
17
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,841
that bangin'-ass church
on the corner.
18
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,743
You know the one
I'm talking about.
Oh, man,
19
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,178
that church on the corner,
man, they got a lot
20
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,946
of weird stuff
going on down there.
21
00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:22,748
That's Vic's
uncle church, man.
22
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,550
The one who had
the teeth reduction.
23
00:01:24,552 --> 00:01:26,518
You can't judge the man
by his nephew.
24
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,753
He might be a good dude.
25
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:29,855
Now, we need to find
Jason and Tray,
26
00:01:29,857 --> 00:01:32,024
and we going to church.
27
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:38,263
CONGREGATION:
♪ Amazing grace ♪
28
00:01:40,133 --> 00:01:42,134
♪ How ♪
29
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:44,436
♪ Sweet ♪
30
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,538
♪ The sound ♪
31
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:48,574
♪ That saved ♪
32
00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:51,443
♪ A wretch ♪
33
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:55,314
♪ Like me ♪
34
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:58,383
♪ I once ♪
35
00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:02,387
♪ Was lost ♪
36
00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:03,555
♪ But now ♪
37
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:07,392
♪ I'm found ♪
38
00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:09,561
♪ Was blind ♪
39
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:12,731
♪ But now ♪
40
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:16,368
♪ I see. ♪
41
00:02:17,937 --> 00:02:19,138
Amen!
42
00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:21,340
CONGREGATION:
Amen.
All right,
43
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:24,243
y'all have a seat, now.
44
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:26,311
Now, you know...
45
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:28,614
last Sunday a sister stopped me.
46
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:30,349
She said, "Reverend,
MEN: What'd she say?
47
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,784
"I can't give to Jesus,
48
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,621
I'm short on rent." I said,
"You got it all backwards.
49
00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:38,790
You're short on rent because
you can't pay Jesus."
MAN: Amen!
50
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:40,292
Don't pay your bills first,
51
00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:42,327
pay Jesus first.
(congregation exclaiming)
52
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,663
Then maybe you'd be able
to pay them bills.
53
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,031
Nigga said,
54
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:48,367
"I got to pay
for my diabetes medicine.
55
00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:50,269
I said,
"If you
56
00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:53,839
paid Jesus, maybe you wouldn't
have diabetes, nigga."
57
00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:57,776
Then you drag your
ingrate asses in this church
58
00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,778
and come with that,
"Here, Jesus, uh,
59
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,947
"take this little ol'
bullshit ten percent
60
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:04,183
I got left over
from the week."
61
00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:07,619
And you got the nerve to wonder
why your life sucks,
62
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,354
why you ain't
got shit.
MAN: Amen!
63
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,723
Keep your ol' funky,
bullshit ten percent.
64
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:13,292
That's a tip!
65
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:16,028
Jesus don't want no tip--
Jesus want it all!
66
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:18,697
I didn't... I didn't say that.
67
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,866
He gave you
all his love,
68
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:24,136
gave you all
his divine grace,
69
00:03:24,138 --> 00:03:27,839
gave you all his salvation.
MAN: Glory, glory!
70
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,575
And he deserves all your money.
71
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:32,411
(congregation exclaiming,
applauding)
There you go, man.
72
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,079
Damn, brah.
I feel terrible
73
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,014
I've been holding out on you
like that, man.
74
00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:38,250
Here you go-- two dollars and
three cent, you can have it.
75
00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:39,818
Man, that's some bullshit.
That dude's speaking
76
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:40,986
with the devil's tongue,
man. He trying
77
00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,721
to rip all these
poor people off.
78
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,656
I hate this shit.
REV. CLEVELAND:
That time you lost your wallet?
79
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,491
That was Jesus
getting his money.
Ow.
80
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:48,827
Jesus ain't supposed
to elbow niggas that hard.
That child support?
81
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,562
Shh!
Jesus
took that.
82
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,498
Bitch, sit
the (bleep) down.
The funny thing is...
83
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,000
That mysterious
parking ticket?
84
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,935
That wasn't the city.
MAN: No, it wasn't.
85
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,838
That was Jesus
taking what's his.
86
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,674
Man, I ain't wrote a
ticket in my life, man.
87
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:05,244
This dude is some... with
some piracy, man. He out here
88
00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:07,212
trying to rip folks off,
man. That's real, man.
89
00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:08,580
REV. CLEVELAND:
Now, you can't
90
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:12,351
hide money from Jesus.
Cheap bastards.
91
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:15,721
Jesus gonna get his
one way or another,
92
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,623
so you might as well
give it up now.
93
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:18,857
(applause)
MAN: Preach!
94
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,892
Preach! Preach! Preach!
95
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:23,128
Hey, yo, Jee,
I don't think
96
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,097
this the place God
wants us to be, man.
97
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:28,100
Nah, Fish. This is exactly
where he want us to be.
98
00:04:30,703 --> 00:04:32,704
So what are
you degenerate
99
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,740
niggas doing here?
Come on, Vic, man,
100
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:37,409
you better than this, man.
Y'all trying to rip people off.
101
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,711
Look, y'all ain't here
to hear the Word,
102
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,380
get the (bleep) out.
103
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:42,447
Hold on,
there, Vic.
104
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:44,650
W-What's going on, here?
Who is that?
105
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,218
Sound
like you
106
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:47,786
teaching people
to worship money.
107
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,221
With all due respect, Reverend,
108
00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:51,056
that sound like
some bullshit to me.
109
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:51,957
Ooh.
110
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,425
VIC:
Reverend Otis,
111
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:56,161
this is a aboriginal
con man from Australia.
112
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,096
Nigga just got out the
mental institution,
113
00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:00,499
think he's Jesus.
(all laughing)
114
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,501
Jesus!
115
00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:04,269
Well,
is that right?
116
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:05,771
Well, if you're gonna
be a crazy fool,
117
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,406
you might as well
go all the way with it.
118
00:05:09,075 --> 00:05:11,943
Look, I don't want your money.
119
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,612
Neither does Pops.
120
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:15,247
You can't buy God's blessings.
121
00:05:15,249 --> 00:05:16,948
It don't work like that.
MAN: Sit down!
122
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:19,584
Says the man who obviously
ain't got no blessings.
123
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:21,920
(laughter)
124
00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:24,489
People...
125
00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:26,858
People, don't give
this dude your money.
126
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:29,027
He ripping you off.
Vic, come on, man,
127
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:30,929
you better than that.
You really gonna just stand by
128
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,597
and rip these people off?
129
00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:34,599
MAN: That's blasphemy.
He's blaspheming.
If Jesus,
130
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:38,170
the real Jesus, didn't want me
to have this money,
131
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:40,806
then Jesus would take it away!
132
00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:42,407
(agreeing, applause)
133
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:48,513
And... and-and look
at your ankles.
134
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:49,548
(laughter)
135
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,283
Ankles
so ashy,
136
00:05:51,285 --> 00:05:53,618
they look like they're about
to be dropped in a deep fryer.
137
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,454
(laughter)
138
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:58,123
I've been walking
a lot of miles. So what?
139
00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,492
And-and that wig you got on,
140
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,627
you better find whatever meth
addict you stole that hair from
141
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:03,795
and give it back.
142
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,063
(laughter)
143
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,499
Your mama should be arrested
for littering.
144
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:10,569
Come back when you can afford
God's love, nigga. Save up.
145
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,471
(laughter)
146
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:14,573
Get them bums on out of
here. Put 'em in the trash.
147
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,575
As a matter of fact,
put 'em in the recycling bin.
148
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:18,844
Maybe-maybe God can do better.
149
00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:20,178
(laughter)
150
00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,514
REV. CLEVELAND:
Everybody needs
151
00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:25,250
to be saved,
and we need some money!
152
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,886
(applause)
153
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,888
A robbery? You're telling me,
154
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:33,658
you, Jesus Christ,
you want to rob a church.
155
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:35,327
Never cease
156
00:06:35,329 --> 00:06:36,428
to amaze,
boy.
157
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:39,598
See, dude,
that man said one thing right,
158
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,701
which was, if Jesus didn't want
him to have that bread,
159
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:45,036
then Jesus would take it back.
160
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:47,372
And that's exactly what
I'm gonna do.
161
00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:50,409
Hey, man. Look, man.
I know you're mad, man.
162
00:06:50,411 --> 00:06:52,210
They went in on you pretty bad
at the church,
163
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:54,713
but this isn't very Jesus-y.
164
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:56,448
Man, (bleep) that.
165
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:58,450
Pops sent me here on a
mission: to take back
166
00:06:58,452 --> 00:07:01,253
the city for (bleep) on the side
of righteousness. We can't
167
00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:03,622
keep letting these suckers
steal the hearts and the minds
168
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:05,424
and the money
from the poor people's pockets.
169
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:07,426
Come on, Boonie.
That's some bullshit.
170
00:07:07,428 --> 00:07:08,960
Hey, Jesus, man,
I agree with you.
171
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,462
We don't like what he doing,
172
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:13,465
but you're always talking
about free will, right?
173
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,034
That's what you're always
preaching. And it's free will.
174
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,936
The people are giving him
the money.
175
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,604
He's not stealing it from 'em.
176
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,273
It is stealing, Fish.
177
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:23,542
Tray, tell these fools
something.
178
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:26,912
Yeah, low-key, the minister
has been actively engaged
179
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:28,280
in stealing from the church.
180
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:30,816
His own church, though.
His own church.
181
00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,818
♪ ♪
182
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:36,054
TRAYVON:
The church takes its donations
after it's been collected,
183
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:37,823
and they put them
in their money room,
184
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:40,225
which is located next
to his personal green room
185
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:42,060
backstage at the church.
186
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,261
Later, after the service,
two guards
187
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,963
from L.E.G. Security arrive
188
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,631
to transport the money.
189
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,400
The official count begins
with Vic,
190
00:07:48,402 --> 00:07:50,936
with the two guards present.
191
00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:54,406
$4,735.23.
192
00:07:54,408 --> 00:07:57,242
Give or take a few bucks, it's
almost the same every week.
193
00:07:57,244 --> 00:08:01,079
From that point, it goes
with the security guards
194
00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,248
directly out the door to the
195
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,417
Fourth National
Southwest Compton Bank.
196
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:09,254
Wait, wait, wait. Time-out.
Did I miss something?
197
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:12,524
Damn right, dude.
Tray, sprinkle these cats.
198
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:14,192
Now, after the church service
is over
199
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:15,927
but before the money is counted
and taken away,
200
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,263
Reverend Cleveland enters
the room for exactly 11 minutes
201
00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:20,265
to pray over the money.
202
00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:26,605
He jams the Wi-Fi.
203
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:29,941
Now, for exactly 11 minutes,
the Internet goes dead,
204
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:32,177
and the Dropcam in the
money room goes dead as well.
205
00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:35,313
Word is, the power of his prayer
206
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:38,783
literally disconnects
the Internet, but that's B.S.
207
00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:40,719
Whatever.
208
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,554
♪ ♪
209
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:46,291
And that's when he steals half
of the week's take,
210
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:50,061
before anyone even knows
it's there.
211
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,564
♪ ♪
212
00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:57,135
How'd you find out
this information?
213
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,803
Jesus
told me.
214
00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:01,373
Oh. All this
divine vision.
215
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,241
I just like the way
Trayvon break it down
216
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:04,676
all Mission:
Impossible like.
217
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,244
All right. So, the key is
218
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:07,879
to get into the money room
and steal
219
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,248
the half of the money that
he's going to steal before
220
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,816
the minister goes in
and prays over it.
221
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:14,352
Okay. So, how we gonna do that?
222
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:17,556
It all comes down
to one lady.
223
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:27,232
I tell you one thing,
if you had a giant bed
224
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,434
with some giant sheets
in Africa
225
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:32,003
and you try to make that bed,
them lions will jump around
226
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:33,505
on that bed
just like little kitty cats.
227
00:09:33,507 --> 00:09:35,674
(mimics squeaking)
Shut the (bleep) up, Lloyd.
228
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,576
MS. TUDI: 'Cause I don't
want to, that's why!
Yeah. Well...
229
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:39,744
Hey. Hey, you hear that?
Hear what?
230
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:43,882
That's why!
You're going too far.
That sound like Ms. Tudi.
231
00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:46,952
MS. TUDI: 'Cause I don't want
to, that's why!
JESUS: Shh!
232
00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:48,587
Ms. Tudi, keep your voice down.
233
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:50,455
Why you acting all bougie
and shit, like you some kind
234
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,924
of angel or something? How many
times I looked away with my holy
235
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,460
and infinite gaze when you
was doing janky shit yourself?
Because it's wrong,
236
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:58,096
that's why!
It's going too far.
237
00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,264
JESUS:
You don't do this for me,
238
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,265
then I think you don't need
239
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:01,633
Jesus in your life no more.
240
00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,568
MS. TUDI: Okay, I'll do it.
But don't you
241
00:10:03,570 --> 00:10:07,706
ever ask me to do anything
like this again. I mean it.
242
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:10,275
JESUS:
Ms. Tudi, come back. Why you got
to be like that? Come here.
243
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:13,078
(organ playing)
VIC:
Yes, welcome, welcome.
244
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,880
Welcome. Welcome.
245
00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:18,550
Welcome. Welcome.
Welcome.
246
00:10:18,552 --> 00:10:21,786
Ah.
Well, well. What a
pleasant surprise.
247
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:24,556
To what do I owe
the pleasure?
Good morning, Vic.
248
00:10:24,558 --> 00:10:27,559
I, um, just had a need
to hear the Word.
249
00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:30,261
A different word,
if you know what I mean.
Mm-hmm.
250
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:34,132
That is, if a sinner
like me is welcome.
251
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,067
Well, all are
welcome here.
252
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,336
Especially you.
Oh.
253
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:41,339
Let me escort you
to our VIP area.
Oh.
254
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,575
Thank you, Vic.
255
00:10:43,577 --> 00:10:46,444
And then Jesus-- ugh, whatever
that nigga's real name is--
256
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,346
he asked me
to do something, Vic,
257
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:51,583
that I know Jesus would not ask
a person to do.
258
00:10:51,585 --> 00:10:54,352
Have a seat, Ms. Tudi.
Oh, thank you.
259
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:57,422
I heard that the pastor
260
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,124
will hold a private meeting
261
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:01,259
with a potential donor.
Do you think
262
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:05,296
that he might see me today
before the service starts?
263
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,432
The pastor's kind of busy.
264
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:10,201
I know, Vic, but, um...
265
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,303
I need help from the real Jesus.
266
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:14,773
And I brought my checkbook.
267
00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:37,062
Do they have activities here,
like, for, uh, singles?
268
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:38,863
Excuse me.
Mm-hmm.
269
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,398
The reverend will see you now.
270
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,567
Oh. All right.
Well, thank you.
Mm-hmm.
271
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,402
Hey, you know,
Ms. Tudi, uh,
272
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:48,206
my uncle's kind of
old, okay, so he may
273
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,308
say something that's
inappropriate,
274
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,743
but don't take it personal.
275
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,578
I'm a big girl, Vic.
276
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:56,281
But thank you
for your concern.
277
00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:11,863
Ms. Tudi!
278
00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:15,400
My nephew tells me
that you were well-endowed
279
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,435
with gifts from the Lord.
280
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,672
But I see the Lord has
endowed you well, too.
281
00:12:20,674 --> 00:12:22,273
(laughing):
Oh.
(laughing)
282
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:23,675
Stop it some more, Reverend.
283
00:12:23,677 --> 00:12:25,844
Oh, please
have a seat.
Okay.
284
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,547
Uh,
285
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:32,350
Vic, will you excuse us, please?
286
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,586
Please.
Oh... yeah.
287
00:12:36,288 --> 00:12:38,223
So, I understand
you're looking
288
00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:40,759
to make a sizable donation
to the church.
289
00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:43,695
Oh, yes. Yes, Reverend,
and I was, um...
290
00:12:43,697 --> 00:12:45,964
Well, I was hoping
that you and I could also
291
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,032
spend some personal time.
292
00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:52,804
You see, Reverend, I need some
private, spiritual counseling.
293
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:55,073
Well, this can be arranged.
(laughing)
294
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,775
Good.
(laughing)
295
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,476
But, you know,
296
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:03,047
Jesus would want you
to be relaxed.
Oh.
297
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:04,482
♪ Hallelujah ♪
298
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:06,918
Damn!
♪ Hallelujah ♪
299
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,720
Uh, judge not
lest you be judged.
300
00:13:08,722 --> 00:13:10,555
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah... ♪
(both laugh)
301
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:13,324
I'll take this one. Well...
(loud knocking)
302
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,226
Can't you wait for
a "Come in," nigga?!
303
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:18,463
Uh, sorry, Rev. It's just that
it's five minutes to showtime.
304
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,731
Nigga, I got a watch!
Uh-huh.
305
00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:21,633
Ms. Tudi, excuse me, will you?
306
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:23,601
(laughing)
307
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:26,004
I will be back...
after the show.
308
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:29,474
But you, uh, feel free to
mix yourself another drink.
309
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,342
Oh. Thank you, Reverend.
310
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,011
Have a good service.
311
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,579
Thank you.
(laughs)
312
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:37,482
(clears her throat, laughs)
313
00:13:40,252 --> 00:13:44,756
Hey, Ms. Tudi, I don't think
that you should, uh, wait.
314
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:47,492
You getting jealous, huh, Vic?
315
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,928
No, no, I'm not jealous. I'm-I'm
just looking out for you.
316
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,763
That's so sweet. Oh!
Oh, see?
317
00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:53,798
Oh!
See? That's what
I'm trying to tell you.
318
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,366
See? Put that drink down,
Ms. Tudi.
319
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:56,968
You had enough. Yeah.
Yeah.
320
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,938
Let me take you home, all right?
Okay, okay.
321
00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:01,105
(touch tone sounds)
322
00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:03,708
Hello. Hey, hey, listen, man,
I got something to do.
323
00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,443
I'm gonna be back
in time for the count.
324
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,045
Thank you for taking care of me.
325
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:08,513
Oh, think nothing of it.
326
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,382
(organ plays)
327
00:14:14,987 --> 00:14:16,187
Yeah?
Oh.
328
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,122
Oh.
329
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:20,892
Whew! Mm-hmm.
(sighs)
330
00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:22,827
(groans)
Ooh!
331
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:25,463
You mind if we just
sit here for a little bit?
332
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:28,900
Okay.
Mmm. Mmm!
333
00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:30,468
(applause)
334
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:31,870
MAN: Amen!
MAN 2:
Preacher! Preacher!
335
00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:33,705
REV. CLEVELAND:
A little boy came to me.
336
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:38,176
He said, "Reverend, what does
God do with all that money?"
337
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:39,644
I beat that little boy's ass,
338
00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:41,346
and I told him
to mind his business.
339
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:43,147
(applause)
That's what I did.
340
00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:46,084
MAN: Yeah!
REV. CLEVELAND:
Dig in your pockets
341
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,585
and give Jesus
what he deserves!
342
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,654
He's your Lord and Savior.
343
00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:51,189
That's worth at least 90%.
344
00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:52,523
Jesus paid for your sins,
345
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,893
and now he's come to collect.
Amen.
346
00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:57,195
And God has a warm
place for you niggas
347
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:59,898
who try to hold out
on him in church.
(applause)
348
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,666
Help!
349
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:04,535
(coughing)
(people groaning,
cell cameras beep)
350
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:05,904
(people groaning)
351
00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,906
What are you guys doing?
This man's having
352
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:11,042
a heart attack. Somebody help!
(cell cameras clicking)
353
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,844
Hey, man, y'all
some cold (bleep)!
354
00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:14,679
Man, don't you see
I'm having a heart attack!?
355
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,714
Well, what?
(Boonie grunting)
356
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,182
Yes, my uncle--
he's having a heart attack!
357
00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:20,418
Please send somebody.
(coughs)
358
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,520
Okay, great!
Guys, listen, don't panic.
359
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,355
Help is on the way.
Paramedics are coming.
360
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:26,457
All right, guys, let's go.
We've got an emergency.
361
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,693
Obviously, we
have a bit of a
362
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:32,563
medical emergency, so, uh,
let-let us all pray, I guess...
363
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:35,099
(audience murmuring loudly)
...for the... for the
fat brother on the floor.
364
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:38,069
Everybody, move...
Obviously, this brother
365
00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:40,138
has never passed a
ham hock he didn't like.
366
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:41,539
(Boonie groans)
Over here.
367
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,942
BOONIE: Oh. (coughs)
BPs are dropping.
368
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:46,144
We got to fill him
with phenobarbital.
369
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:49,447
Pull back on the retractors.
Three, two, one.
370
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,382
(Boonie groaning)
Whoa!
371
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:52,483
MAN:
He's heavy.
372
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,652
(overlapping chatter)
373
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:56,654
(people gasp, groan, yell)
374
00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:57,989
For crying out loud!
375
00:15:57,991 --> 00:15:59,157
Okay, everybody look.
376
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:01,125
We need to stabilize him first.
377
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,828
Okay, everybody move.
We need to make room here.
Move.
378
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:05,563
JASON:
Come on, everybody back up.
379
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:06,965
We need room here.
We need room.
380
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,967
'Cause we got to get
this guy to the back.
381
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,102
Back up, everyone!
Wait! That area is off limits!
382
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:14,205
James! James, go, go
in the back with them!
383
00:16:16,842 --> 00:16:20,812
Coming through, people.
Coming through!
384
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:22,647
All right. Sir, we
have an emergency.
385
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,449
This man is having
a heart attack!
386
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,084
We need a room with
a big, flat table.
387
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:28,419
What about this room? Is there
a flat table in this room?
388
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:30,355
Ain't nobody allowed
in that room.
Sir, if he dies,
389
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:32,023
you're gonna face
criminal charges--
are you willing
390
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:33,758
to do that?
Hell, no.
I'm on parole.
391
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,593
Then I suggest you
open that door quick.
392
00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:36,928
Give me the key.
Come on.
393
00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:39,330
Just hang in
there, sir.
(mumbling)
394
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,032
Stay with us.
395
00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:44,369
Come this way.
396
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:45,770
Medical personnel only.
397
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:48,840
Pray for him, people.
(sobbing)
398
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:51,609
You can't lock the door.
399
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:54,312
(sobbing):
My, my uncle!
400
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,881
(whispers):
Hurry up.
401
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,116
(engine starts)
402
00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:59,584
(phone rings)
403
00:17:00,452 --> 00:17:01,819
Hello.
404
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:04,322
I told you I had
something to...
405
00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:06,190
Emergency paramedics?
406
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:09,560
Look... I told you
I had something to do.
407
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:12,397
I will be back
in five minutes!
408
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,232
Later.
409
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,800
Is everything okay?
410
00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:17,702
Sound like some real
crazy shit is going on
411
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,470
over there-- I don't
know what, you know...
412
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:20,838
Vic, just...
(groans)
413
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,307
Listen, I got something
I got to tell you.
414
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:26,644
What's that?
But you got to promise you're
not gonna call the police.
415
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:28,212
Come on, man.
416
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,882
You got to know that's
something I would never do.
417
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:33,251
Child, Jesus is
robbing the church.
418
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:36,154
That goddamn con man!
419
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:38,823
So I know even in church
sometimes shit hap...
420
00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:40,191
Wha...?
421
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:41,926
(whispers inaudibly)
422
00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:44,262
Uh... pray!
423
00:17:49,034 --> 00:17:50,601
Hey!
Whoa!
424
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,336
Hey! Hey!
425
00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:54,338
Nobody in the
money room!
426
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:56,074
You can't be in there.
427
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:58,709
(low grunting)
Go save that fat
nigga somewhere else!
428
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,178
Open up this door!
429
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:03,281
Hey, listen, go get the spare
key inside my, inside my office.
430
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,550
Okay.
My uncle.
Please, please, pray...
431
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:07,285
pray for my uncle! Please!
432
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:09,120
Oh, get this nigga
off of me!
433
00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:10,922
Clear the way!
He's gonna be okay.
434
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:13,191
I need 10cc's diazepam,
X-Y-Z right now.
435
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:16,194
TRAYVON:
Thank you! Thank you so much!
Don't disturb him.
436
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:18,596
We got to get
this man out of here.
Yeah, wait, wait, wait! Hey.
437
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:22,100
Count that money.
438
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:26,037
MAGGIE:
We got to defibrillate him the
moment we pull him off the wire.
439
00:18:26,039 --> 00:18:27,038
Aha! Caught!
440
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:30,108
VIC: See, those ain't
no paramedics.
441
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,310
That's the con man and
his cult of followers.
442
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:33,878
What the hell?
443
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,713
Yeah, Ms. Tudi told me
the whole plan.
444
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:36,881
They just robbed
the collection.
445
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:39,884
Yeah, she was supposed
to distract me
446
00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:40,885
so I didn't notice
these clowns.
447
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,753
Ms. Tudi, you told Vic?!
448
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:44,722
Bitch!
MS. TUDI:
Listen,
449
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:47,225
I know I'm not always
the best influence--
450
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:48,426
I know that--
451
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:49,927
but this right here,
452
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,629
robbing a church?
Come on, Jesus,
453
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,231
this is crossing the line.
454
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:54,265
Okay, look, look,
455
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,399
we planned to rob
a church,
456
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:56,400
I ain't gonna lie.
457
00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:57,502
But at the last minute,
458
00:18:57,504 --> 00:18:59,337
we couldn't do it.
I mean,
459
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:00,671
Fish was right.
Hey, even though
460
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:02,573
I don't like you
collecting money in my name,
461
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:05,343
what could I say, man,
stealing is stealing.
462
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:06,410
Ms. Tudi,
463
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:07,912
Vic, Reverend,
464
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:09,480
two wrongs
don't make a right.
465
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,848
We didn't steal your money.
466
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,184
It's all there--
go ahead and count it.
467
00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:13,951
Jesus...
468
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:15,286
I'm proud of you.
469
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,855
REV. CLEVELAND:
Come on. Come in here.
470
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:19,624
Search 'em.
471
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:21,592
Get up in their ass
like the airport.
472
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:24,195
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey.
473
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:26,664
Go check that
camera footage.
Okay.
474
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,001
Five thousand
475
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,802
four hundred
and thirty-two dollars
476
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:34,172
and forty-three cents.
That's all?
477
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:36,174
That's actually the best
week we had all year.
478
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:39,877
But there could've been more.
I bet there was more.
479
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:42,146
Wow. Would there be more,
Reverend?
480
00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:43,447
Hmm.
481
00:19:43,449 --> 00:19:45,716
Uh, listen, why don't you
let the boys go, huh?
482
00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:47,485
I mean, we don't want
to call the police
483
00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:50,354
and have them snooping
in little places.
REV. CLEVELAND: No, no, no,
484
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:53,157
no, no, we don't want no police.
MS. TUDI: Yeah.
485
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:55,693
(sighs)
All right, let 'em go.
486
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:58,796
But Jesus is gonna get his.
487
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,398
Oh, yeah.
488
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,300
I think Jesus already did.
489
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:05,303
(Jesus chuckling)
490
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:06,837
Nigga, you need
to go wash your feet.
491
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:09,040
And don't come back
here no more.
492
00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:11,842
We got nothing on the cam.
493
00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:14,212
The Wi-Fi went out
same time as usual.
494
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:15,479
(exhales, mumbles)
495
00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:17,882
What happened to that skinny
little crying nigga?
496
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,550
Get this nigga off of me!
497
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,152
Open the door!
Out of the way!
498
00:20:21,154 --> 00:20:23,487
Clear the way!
He's gonna be okay!
Thank you so much!
499
00:20:23,489 --> 00:20:26,657
♪ ♪
500
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:28,259
Hey! Count that money.
501
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:29,727
Hey, wait a minute!
502
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,429
♪ ♪
503
00:20:44,109 --> 00:20:45,343
♪ ♪
504
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:48,879
(chatter, singing)
505
00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:49,914
Whoo! My Lord and Savior!
506
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,582
We pulled it off!
507
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,719
Okay, okay,
everyone. Relax.
508
00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:55,953
Jesus, it's your money.
You deserve it.
509
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:58,222
There you go.
Aw, come on, Tray.
510
00:20:58,224 --> 00:21:00,625
He's right, he's right.
Yeah, felt good
to hold it, at least.
511
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:03,294
Mm! Father, Son,
Holy Spirit and...
512
00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:04,128
amen!
513
00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:05,896
In God we trust.
514
00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,798
(chuckling)
515
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,433
(speaking inaudibly)
516
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:11,802
Wait. Wait.
517
00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:14,105
All of it.
FISH:
All right, Big Jee,
518
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:16,207
can't wait to see what
you're gonna do with it, man.
519
00:21:16,209 --> 00:21:17,041
It's all you.
520
00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:18,542
♪ Hallelujah... ♪
521
00:21:18,544 --> 00:21:19,844
(whooping)
522
00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:27,485
(laughing)
523
00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:30,554
Ta-da...!
524
00:21:30,556 --> 00:21:32,056
(laughing)
525
00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:35,126
You spent the money
on a food truck?
526
00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:36,427
That's what
I said.
527
00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:38,129
Oh, ye of little faith.
528
00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:40,564
It's not just a food truck,
529
00:21:40,566 --> 00:21:42,500
this is our church!
530
00:21:42,502 --> 00:21:44,735
(laughing)
531
00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:48,806
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org