1 00:00:01,794 --> 00:00:04,073 [ Indistinct conversations ] 2 00:00:12,253 --> 00:00:14,428 [ Conversations stop ] 3 00:00:14,462 --> 00:00:20,020 ♪♪ 4 00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:22,401 Aw, shit, it's Tookie Ross. 5 00:00:22,436 --> 00:00:24,162 -The pimp? -Yeah, he only pimps 6 00:00:24,196 --> 00:00:26,164 when he get tired of killin' motherfuckers 7 00:00:26,198 --> 00:00:29,546 She didn't go to the cops, but I'm-a tell you, boy -- 8 00:00:29,581 --> 00:00:32,618 Hey, why is everybody so quiet? 9 00:00:32,653 --> 00:00:34,068 Oh, man. 10 00:00:34,103 --> 00:00:35,518 Jesus, that's Tookie Ross. 11 00:00:35,552 --> 00:00:38,279 Now, I know you don't expect me to be impressed, right? 12 00:00:38,314 --> 00:00:41,455 I watched Pops make the sun, the moon, and the stars. 13 00:00:41,489 --> 00:00:43,871 What this dude make, some bad decisions? 14 00:00:43,905 --> 00:00:45,907 [ Laughs ] 15 00:00:45,942 --> 00:00:48,255 Yo, my man, everybody else 16 00:00:48,289 --> 00:00:50,360 might be scared of your ass, but I'm not. 17 00:00:50,395 --> 00:00:52,535 Now, if I catch you working on my turf, 18 00:00:52,569 --> 00:00:55,193 then your ass gonna have to pay. 19 00:00:55,227 --> 00:00:57,298 Ransom is running shit. 20 00:00:57,333 --> 00:01:00,060 -Who the fuck is Ransom? -Me, nigga. 21 00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:03,097 You see, I speak in the third person. 22 00:01:03,132 --> 00:01:04,547 [ Indistinct conversations ] 23 00:01:04,581 --> 00:01:07,136 Well, let me tell you some first-person shit, 24 00:01:07,170 --> 00:01:09,724 to tell that third-person punk Ransom. 25 00:01:09,759 --> 00:01:12,072 I work when I want to work, where I want to work. 26 00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:14,004 You got that, bitch? 27 00:01:14,039 --> 00:01:16,455 [ Chuckles ] 28 00:01:16,490 --> 00:01:18,733 [ All screaming ] 29 00:01:18,768 --> 00:01:20,735 Woman: Tookie! 30 00:01:20,770 --> 00:01:22,737 [ Gasping ] 31 00:01:22,772 --> 00:01:25,637 I'm gonna get my revenge. 32 00:01:25,671 --> 00:01:29,296 Even if I got to jump my soul into this fat motherfucker 33 00:01:29,330 --> 00:01:32,092 Hey, hey. This is a new shirt. 34 00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:35,129 My God! I'm -- I'm possessed by Tookie Ross! 35 00:01:35,164 --> 00:01:36,579 No, you're not, dawg. 36 00:01:36,613 --> 00:01:38,270 And I hope nobody expect me 37 00:01:38,305 --> 00:01:40,962 to raise this evil mother fucker from the dead, either. 38 00:01:40,997 --> 00:01:42,688 Are you the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, 39 00:01:42,723 --> 00:01:45,105 king of all kings, lord of all lords? 40 00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:47,107 And you know this, Bill. What's happening? 41 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:50,110 Hallelujah! Jesus, 42 00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,973 you've been served. 43 00:01:52,008 --> 00:01:59,602 ♪♪ 44 00:01:59,636 --> 00:02:01,431 Lloyd's suing me for making him sober? 45 00:02:01,466 --> 00:02:03,433 Man, what kind of bullshit is this? 46 00:02:03,468 --> 00:02:10,647 ♪♪ 47 00:02:10,682 --> 00:02:18,068 ♪♪ 48 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:21,969 Announcer: Welcome back to Homey's Court. 49 00:02:22,003 --> 00:02:25,041 This is Lloyd, a former homeless alcoholic 50 00:02:25,075 --> 00:02:28,355 who manages the New Compton Gardens apartment building. 51 00:02:28,389 --> 00:02:30,184 He claims Jesus made him sober, 52 00:02:30,219 --> 00:02:34,361 thus depriving him of any joy in life ever again. 53 00:02:34,395 --> 00:02:36,915 He's suing for $600. 54 00:02:37,226 --> 00:02:40,746 And this is our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 55 00:02:40,781 --> 00:02:42,058 He died for our sins, 56 00:02:42,092 --> 00:02:43,749 but apparently, that's not good enough 57 00:02:43,784 --> 00:02:46,649 to prevent him from being sued by Lloyd. 58 00:02:46,683 --> 00:02:50,791 This is the case of "Less Jews, More Booze." 59 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:57,487 ♪♪ 60 00:02:57,522 --> 00:03:00,041 Raise your right hand. 61 00:03:00,076 --> 00:03:01,905 Your right hand -- 62 00:03:01,940 --> 00:03:03,390 Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, 63 00:03:03,424 --> 00:03:07,256 -and nothing but the truth? -You damn right I do. 64 00:03:07,290 --> 00:03:09,879 Raise your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, 65 00:03:09,913 --> 00:03:11,225 the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? 66 00:03:11,260 --> 00:03:13,710 -So help me Pops. -Man, speaking of that, man, 67 00:03:13,745 --> 00:03:15,091 do you think you can sign my Bible? 68 00:03:15,125 --> 00:03:16,506 Not now, Reggie. 69 00:03:16,541 --> 00:03:18,612 Sorry, Judge. I'm sorry, Jesus. 70 00:03:18,646 --> 00:03:21,028 Hey, Reg. Don't even trip. 71 00:03:21,062 --> 00:03:23,237 Look inside the inside cover. 72 00:03:23,272 --> 00:03:26,689 [ Twinkle! ] 73 00:03:26,723 --> 00:03:29,278 [ Clears throat ] Case 123 on your calendar, 74 00:03:29,312 --> 00:03:31,866 Lloyd the drunk versus Christ the Savior. 75 00:03:31,901 --> 00:03:33,282 Before we get started here today, 76 00:03:33,316 --> 00:03:35,560 Judge Homey: I'd like to say that, uh, well, 77 00:03:35,594 --> 00:03:37,424 I've seen people waste time and money 78 00:03:37,458 --> 00:03:40,358 in many different ways. 79 00:03:40,392 --> 00:03:43,430 Reggie and I saw "Boo" 1 and 2 in the theater. 80 00:03:43,464 --> 00:03:45,984 -We did. -But this is an even bigger 81 00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:49,056 -waste of time and money. -Well, Your Honor -- 82 00:03:49,090 --> 00:03:51,955 How many cases have we had like this, Reggie? 83 00:03:51,990 --> 00:03:55,269 -None. -Not a goddamn one. 84 00:03:55,304 --> 00:03:56,891 And why? It's ridiculous 85 00:03:56,926 --> 00:04:00,274 that you are trying to prove that this man made you sober. 86 00:04:00,309 --> 00:04:04,071 If your ass was a alcoholic, you should be thanking him. 87 00:04:04,105 --> 00:04:05,935 Your Honor, would you thank a man 88 00:04:05,969 --> 00:04:08,627 who stole your means of orgasmic bliss? 89 00:04:08,662 --> 00:04:10,664 Kill your ability to bust a nut? 90 00:04:10,698 --> 00:04:14,806 Shut down the flow of your love hydrant? 91 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,636 I guess I'd be mad if my love hydrant was shut down. 92 00:04:17,671 --> 00:04:18,913 -You, Reggie? -Mm-hmm. 93 00:04:18,948 --> 00:04:20,294 Well, that's what Jesus did to me. 94 00:04:20,329 --> 00:04:23,953 Took my ability to get drunk off my black, crusty ass. 95 00:04:23,987 --> 00:04:26,266 And people always say, "Well, what would Jesus do?" 96 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,026 I know what he'd do. He'd fuck up a lot of shit. 97 00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:29,855 All right, look. [ Stammers ] 98 00:04:29,890 --> 00:04:31,478 Let's start at the beginning. 99 00:04:31,512 --> 00:04:34,688 Okay, Your Honor. Now, I'm laying down, 100 00:04:34,722 --> 00:04:36,103 minding my own business. 101 00:04:36,137 --> 00:04:38,519 Jesus walked up to me, leaned down, 102 00:04:38,554 --> 00:04:40,176 and he said, "Lloyd, you're sober." 103 00:04:40,210 --> 00:04:41,660 I said, "W-W-W-Wait -- Wait a minute. 104 00:04:41,695 --> 00:04:43,144 Hold on. What you mean sober?" 105 00:04:43,179 --> 00:04:45,457 Your Honor, Lloyd was laying there, 106 00:04:45,492 --> 00:04:47,873 incapacitated, lethargic. 107 00:04:47,908 --> 00:04:50,013 I looked in his eyes. He had the sad, 108 00:04:50,048 --> 00:04:52,671 alcoholic, puppy-dog eyes that was crying for help. 109 00:04:52,706 --> 00:04:54,708 "Please, I don't want to be like this no more. 110 00:04:54,742 --> 00:04:56,192 Please make me sober." 111 00:04:56,226 --> 00:04:58,021 -And that's what I did. -I can't believe this. 112 00:04:58,056 --> 00:05:00,541 And when I got down there to help him out, you know what? 113 00:05:00,576 --> 00:05:01,680 -He didn't fight. -That's not true. 114 00:05:01,715 --> 00:05:02,854 He didn't resist. He wanted it. 115 00:05:02,888 --> 00:05:04,304 I thought you come there to help me 116 00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,547 with my heartbreak of psoriasis.No, you didn't. 117 00:05:06,582 --> 00:05:07,790 -You wanted sobriety. -Yes, I did. 118 00:05:07,824 --> 00:05:10,240 Order in Homey's Court! 119 00:05:10,275 --> 00:05:12,450 All right. Now, Lloyd, you are suing him 120 00:05:12,484 --> 00:05:15,176 for an amount of $600. 121 00:05:15,211 --> 00:05:16,902 Now, how did you come up with that amount? 122 00:05:16,937 --> 00:05:21,493 Well, Your Honor, since I been, um, sober, your life changes. 123 00:05:21,528 --> 00:05:23,219 You know, I have to eat better. 124 00:05:23,253 --> 00:05:26,153 I take a shower now, and I use that stuff people use. 125 00:05:26,187 --> 00:05:27,396 You know what they do? They do like this. 126 00:05:27,430 --> 00:05:28,638 -What they call it? -Soap? 127 00:05:28,673 --> 00:05:30,537 Soap. So, now I'm clean, 128 00:05:30,571 --> 00:05:31,745 women want to have sex with me. 129 00:05:31,779 --> 00:05:33,643 Now we got another whole problem. 130 00:05:33,678 --> 00:05:35,369 I got to get some condoms 131 00:05:35,404 --> 00:05:38,855 and, uh, my record bill is high.Record bills? 132 00:05:38,890 --> 00:05:40,581 Well, you know you got to get Luther Vandross 133 00:05:40,616 --> 00:05:43,066 and Teddy Pendergrass, Johnny Mathis. 134 00:05:43,101 --> 00:05:45,655 You can't make love without music. 135 00:05:45,690 --> 00:05:46,725 Whoo-hoo! 136 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:52,731 ♪♪ 137 00:05:52,766 --> 00:05:54,112 Tookie: I'm gonna get my revenge. 138 00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:56,114 [ Echoing ] Revenge, revenge.[ Gunshot ] 139 00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:57,736 Woman: Tookie! 140 00:05:57,771 --> 00:06:00,567 Even if I got to get my soul 141 00:06:00,601 --> 00:06:02,741 into this fat mother fuckers body. 142 00:06:02,776 --> 00:06:08,609 ♪♪ 143 00:06:08,644 --> 00:06:12,061 Boonie: I'm possessed by Tookie Ross! 144 00:06:12,095 --> 00:06:13,614 For the record, Your Honor, 145 00:06:13,649 --> 00:06:16,790 I didn't make Lloyd sober. It wasn't me. It was Pops. 146 00:06:16,824 --> 00:06:19,102 O-Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoever your Pops is, 147 00:06:19,137 --> 00:06:22,209 He isn't on trial. You are. 148 00:06:22,243 --> 00:06:25,764 Now, are you or are you not the one who made him sober? 149 00:06:25,799 --> 00:06:29,112 Not directly. See, Pops i-is God, 150 00:06:29,147 --> 00:06:31,805 who is my Father, a-and He works through me. 151 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:33,910 So, you know, I handle the business on earth. 152 00:06:33,945 --> 00:06:34,980 Wait a minute. 153 00:06:35,015 --> 00:06:38,467 You really think you're Jesus? 154 00:06:38,501 --> 00:06:40,469 Homey, you crazy. 155 00:06:40,503 --> 00:06:44,783 ♪♪ 156 00:06:44,818 --> 00:06:47,268 I know them ain't my bitches. 157 00:06:47,303 --> 00:06:49,719 See, you girls need to stay focused, all right? 158 00:06:49,754 --> 00:06:52,550 You don't need to be seeing nothin' except blue skies, 159 00:06:52,584 --> 00:06:55,829 dirty asphalt, or fuzzy navels. 160 00:06:55,863 --> 00:06:58,245 Missionary position, you seein' blue skies. 161 00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:01,144 Doggie style, you seein' dirty asphalt. 162 00:07:01,179 --> 00:07:04,009 -Fuzzy navel speaks for itself. -That kind of sucks. 163 00:07:04,044 --> 00:07:06,460 Exactly. 164 00:07:06,495 --> 00:07:08,497 W-What's up, brother? How can I help you? 165 00:07:08,531 --> 00:07:09,981 Is your name Bargain Hunter? 166 00:07:10,015 --> 00:07:11,845 That's right. That -- That's me. 167 00:07:11,879 --> 00:07:13,363 You don't need no Benz and a Rolls 168 00:07:13,398 --> 00:07:15,987 -to get wit' one of my hoes. -I don't need nothin'. 169 00:07:16,021 --> 00:07:19,162 I'm straight takin' 'em. Turn the bitches loose or else. 170 00:07:19,197 --> 00:07:21,613 Or else what? You gonna whoop my ass? 171 00:07:21,648 --> 00:07:22,856 [ Laughter ] 172 00:07:22,890 --> 00:07:25,652 He gonna whoop my ass.[ Laughter ] 173 00:07:25,686 --> 00:07:27,999 No, I'm not gonna whoop your ass. 174 00:07:28,033 --> 00:07:30,173 I'm gonna make you whoop your own ass. 175 00:07:30,208 --> 00:07:31,692 I ain't gonna do that, brother. Hmm? 176 00:07:31,727 --> 00:07:33,832 You got one second 177 00:07:33,867 --> 00:07:35,938 to whoop your ass, 178 00:07:35,972 --> 00:07:37,836 or I'm gonna whoop your ass for ya. 179 00:07:37,871 --> 00:07:39,493 Let me tell you somethin', brother. At the end of -- 180 00:07:39,528 --> 00:07:40,805 -Ooh! -Oh. 181 00:07:40,839 --> 00:07:41,840 What the hell? 182 00:07:41,875 --> 00:07:43,324 What the... 183 00:07:45,706 --> 00:07:47,674 Why you doin' that, brother? Huh? 184 00:07:47,708 --> 00:07:49,469 [ Groaning ] 185 00:07:52,748 --> 00:07:54,612 Look, brother, you can have the money. 186 00:07:54,646 --> 00:07:57,407 Just take -- take it, dawg! 187 00:07:57,442 --> 00:07:59,893 Diamond: Girl, that's that fat nigga Tookie said he was gonna possess 188 00:07:59,927 --> 00:08:02,205 -right before he died. -He must'a, 189 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:03,862 'cause only Tookie can mindfuck somebody 190 00:08:03,897 --> 00:08:05,864 into kickin' they own ass. 191 00:08:05,899 --> 00:08:08,039 -Ooh, hey, baby. -Hey, what's up? 192 00:08:08,073 --> 00:08:10,386 You know, that was just like Tookie. 193 00:08:10,420 --> 00:08:12,319 Mm-hmm. Tookie-esque, 194 00:08:12,353 --> 00:08:15,046 for real, Zaddy. 195 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,703 That's what's up. That ain't the only thing 196 00:08:16,737 --> 00:08:18,532 like Tookie goin' on right now. 197 00:08:18,567 --> 00:08:19,740 Ooh. 198 00:08:19,775 --> 00:08:21,362 Duck walk, bitches. 199 00:08:21,397 --> 00:08:26,195 ♪♪ 200 00:08:26,229 --> 00:08:30,371 Now, Lloyd, can you actually prove that you were a drunk? 201 00:08:30,406 --> 00:08:34,652 Yes, Your Honor. And I'd like to call my first witness, 202 00:08:34,686 --> 00:08:37,206 -Jesus Christ. -Okay. 203 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:40,243 Jesus, could you please describe who and what I was 204 00:08:40,278 --> 00:08:43,177 prior to you making me sober? 205 00:08:43,212 --> 00:08:45,041 Lloyd was a shit-faced drunk, Your Honor. 206 00:08:45,076 --> 00:08:48,562 And could you tell the court how I used to smell? 207 00:08:48,597 --> 00:08:49,908 He smelled like 20 pounds 208 00:08:49,943 --> 00:08:51,565 of fresh-kicked gorilla ass, Your Honor. 209 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:55,224 Would you say that my shit-faced, gorilla-smelling ass 210 00:08:55,258 --> 00:08:57,226 -was happy? -Your Honor, I ain't got no way 211 00:08:57,260 --> 00:08:59,228 of knowing a mother fucker happiness level. 212 00:08:59,262 --> 00:09:02,921 All right, Lloyd, if you want to be a drunk again, 213 00:09:02,956 --> 00:09:04,923 why don't you go out and get drunk again? 214 00:09:04,958 --> 00:09:07,926 Your Honor, I'm sober in perpetuity. 215 00:09:07,961 --> 00:09:11,551 And I'd like to bring my second witness as proof. 216 00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,691 This is a bottle of Darby. 217 00:09:13,725 --> 00:09:15,209 I'm going to consume this. 218 00:09:15,244 --> 00:09:17,315 I should be drunk in 22 minutes. 219 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:19,420 If you will indulge me, please? 220 00:09:19,455 --> 00:09:20,456 Please. 221 00:09:20,490 --> 00:09:21,906 Thank you. 222 00:09:33,642 --> 00:09:35,575 [ Belching ] 223 00:09:42,512 --> 00:09:46,137 As you can see, Your Honor, no effect. 224 00:09:46,171 --> 00:09:49,174 As proof, I would like the lady in the front row 225 00:09:49,209 --> 00:09:50,797 with the big titties to step out. 226 00:09:50,831 --> 00:09:52,350 Big-titty lady? 227 00:09:56,216 --> 00:09:58,287 -Bang! -[ Screams ] 228 00:09:58,321 --> 00:09:59,633 -Your Honor... -What in the world? 229 00:09:59,668 --> 00:10:01,428 ...you see that? Yeah. 230 00:10:01,462 --> 00:10:05,087 If I was toe down, this wouldn't happen. 231 00:10:05,121 --> 00:10:07,158 Jesus, you see that? Look at it. 232 00:10:07,192 --> 00:10:08,642 God gave me this. 233 00:10:08,677 --> 00:10:18,272 ♪♪ 234 00:10:18,307 --> 00:10:27,661 ♪♪ 235 00:10:27,696 --> 00:10:37,015 ♪♪ 236 00:10:37,050 --> 00:10:46,646 ♪♪ 237 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:56,034 ♪♪ 238 00:10:56,069 --> 00:10:57,657 Now, Lloyd, you have proven 239 00:10:57,691 --> 00:11:01,591 that you are a total drunk-ass bastard 240 00:11:01,626 --> 00:11:04,353 with damn near zero chance of ever being saved. 241 00:11:04,387 --> 00:11:07,874 But you have got to prove that Jesus is the son of God 242 00:11:07,908 --> 00:11:09,323 and can perform miracles 243 00:11:09,358 --> 00:11:11,532 if you want me to believe that he cured your ass. 244 00:11:11,567 --> 00:11:14,708 Well, Pops -- I mean God is my dad. 245 00:11:14,743 --> 00:11:18,678 The record says here that Joseph the carpenter is your father. 246 00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:21,370 Your Honor, just because Joseph married my mom 247 00:11:21,404 --> 00:11:22,854 don't make him my real dad. 248 00:11:22,889 --> 00:11:27,169 So, your mama just stuck that fool with the payments. 249 00:11:27,203 --> 00:11:28,515 Reggie knows about that. 250 00:11:28,549 --> 00:11:30,897 Damn. Sadly, I do. 251 00:11:30,931 --> 00:11:39,077 ♪♪ 252 00:11:39,112 --> 00:11:47,396 ♪♪ 253 00:11:47,430 --> 00:11:55,611 ♪♪ 254 00:12:01,237 --> 00:12:03,412 -So what you got for me? -Remember that chubby dude 255 00:12:03,446 --> 00:12:05,448 Tookie grabbed right before he died? 256 00:12:05,483 --> 00:12:07,312 Yeah, I remember the fat mother fucker 257 00:12:07,347 --> 00:12:08,762 His name is Boonie. 258 00:12:08,797 --> 00:12:13,111 If that's Tookie's soul inside that fat mother fucker 259 00:12:13,146 --> 00:12:15,769 probably wants revenge. 260 00:12:15,804 --> 00:12:18,945 I don't know about all that possession shit, 261 00:12:18,979 --> 00:12:22,638 but what I do know is I ain't taking no chances. 262 00:12:22,672 --> 00:12:24,882 I'm gonna put an end to Tookie Ross. 263 00:12:24,916 --> 00:12:26,780 ♪♪ 264 00:12:26,815 --> 00:12:30,266 Even if I have to kill Boonie's fat ass myself. 265 00:12:34,615 --> 00:12:36,928 Oh, I've been drinking with Lloyd for years. 266 00:12:36,963 --> 00:12:39,413 And I can testify that my friend Lloyd here can drink 267 00:12:39,448 --> 00:12:41,346 but without any effect whatsoever 268 00:12:41,381 --> 00:12:43,314 on his mental faculties. 269 00:12:43,348 --> 00:12:45,316 Poor man. It's so painful. 270 00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:46,766 Hurt like a bitch. 271 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:47,697 Just a bitch? 272 00:12:47,732 --> 00:12:50,597 I know a lot of painful bitches. 273 00:12:50,631 --> 00:12:51,840 True dat. 274 00:12:51,874 --> 00:12:55,326 As long as I've known Lloyd, he's been a drunken fool. 275 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,500 Fool? Ain't nobody asked you about that. 276 00:12:57,535 --> 00:12:58,847 Well, I volunteered it. 277 00:12:58,881 --> 00:13:01,539 Now, you want me to be honest, let me be honest. 278 00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:02,851 Well, how you gon' call a mother fucker a fool? 279 00:13:02,885 --> 00:13:04,991 Because, mother fucker you are a fool. 280 00:13:05,025 --> 00:13:06,647 Enough, you two. 281 00:13:06,682 --> 00:13:09,305 Like I was sayin', 282 00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:11,998 Lloyd got drunk all the time. 283 00:13:12,032 --> 00:13:14,379 And Jesus probably cured him. 284 00:13:14,414 --> 00:13:15,864 Now, I didn't see him do it, 285 00:13:15,898 --> 00:13:19,453 but I have seen him do a lot of miracles. 286 00:13:19,488 --> 00:13:23,872 Like, for instance, my son Boonie is still alive. 287 00:13:23,906 --> 00:13:26,115 And that's a dumb-ass nigga, 288 00:13:26,150 --> 00:13:28,738 so that's a miracle in and of itself. 289 00:13:34,675 --> 00:13:36,850 What's your fuckin problem, boy? 290 00:13:36,885 --> 00:13:39,232 You don't barge into my bedroom like that. 291 00:13:39,266 --> 00:13:41,751 You knock first, Boones. 292 00:13:41,786 --> 00:13:42,752 What you want? 293 00:13:42,787 --> 00:13:44,168 You know what I want, Boo Boo. 294 00:13:44,202 --> 00:13:46,549 I want some of that afternoon sex. 295 00:13:46,584 --> 00:13:49,380 You got some of those afternoon checks? 296 00:13:49,414 --> 00:13:50,968 You got your child support, Boone? 297 00:13:51,002 --> 00:13:52,245 Nah, but look here, girl. 298 00:13:52,279 --> 00:13:55,869 I got these ass supports. [ Laughs ] 299 00:13:55,904 --> 00:13:57,664 I mean, right now? 300 00:13:57,698 --> 00:14:01,219 You know I gotta go to court. I gotta testify for Jesus today. 301 00:14:01,254 --> 00:14:02,427 Well, get the fuck on then. 302 00:14:02,462 --> 00:14:05,016 Nigga, I ain't say no. 303 00:14:05,051 --> 00:14:07,087 I say we gotta do a quickie, 304 00:14:07,122 --> 00:14:10,159 Like you accustomed to. 305 00:14:10,194 --> 00:14:12,230 Why are you dressed like a pimp? 306 00:14:12,265 --> 00:14:13,438 'Cause my hoes like it. 307 00:14:13,473 --> 00:14:16,062 What hoes, Boone? 308 00:14:16,096 --> 00:14:18,271 [ Women giggling ]Come on in here. 309 00:14:18,305 --> 00:14:20,031 Who are these broke-down bitches? 310 00:14:20,066 --> 00:14:21,550 These my girls, 311 00:14:21,584 --> 00:14:24,208 and I think it's about time we all had that fivesome. 312 00:14:24,242 --> 00:14:26,589 Fivesome? Nigga, we can barely do a twosome. 313 00:14:26,624 --> 00:14:28,798 -Hell no. -Hey, suit yourself. 314 00:14:28,833 --> 00:14:30,041 Foursome it is, girls. 315 00:14:30,076 --> 00:14:31,422 Oh, hell no. 316 00:14:31,456 --> 00:14:33,942 I know how to stop this shit right now. 317 00:14:33,976 --> 00:14:36,116 Give me this goddamn gun, girl. 318 00:14:36,151 --> 00:14:38,947 Ooh, damn. 319 00:14:38,981 --> 00:14:41,466 Boonie, you better be glad I don't have time 320 00:14:41,501 --> 00:14:43,883 to take care of this shit because I gotta go to court. 321 00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:46,816 But if I found out y'all been fuckin in my house, Boonie, 322 00:14:46,851 --> 00:14:49,612 I'm gonna burn this bitch down, with y'all in it. 323 00:14:49,647 --> 00:14:52,236 You gonna be a crispy pimp with some cooked-ass hoes. 324 00:14:52,270 --> 00:14:54,134 Bring your ass here with that -- 325 00:14:54,169 --> 00:14:55,549 Woman: Oh, wait. 326 00:14:55,584 --> 00:14:57,206 -Tired of his shit. -Hey! 327 00:14:57,241 --> 00:14:58,828 -Getting on my damn nerves. -Hey! 328 00:14:58,863 --> 00:15:01,107 -Got these hoes up in here. -I'm not done with you, woman! 329 00:15:01,141 --> 00:15:03,661 Nobody blue-balls Tookie Ross! 330 00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:06,629 [ Car door opens, shuts, engine starts ] 331 00:15:06,664 --> 00:15:09,667 Honestly, I don't know much about Lloyd being an alcoholic, 332 00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:13,326 and I never seen Jesus perform a miracle, 333 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:16,916 but I know in my heart that he is the son of God. 334 00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:19,332 Lloyd: Your Honor, I would still be an alcoholic 335 00:15:19,366 --> 00:15:21,782 if Jesus had left my black ass alone. 336 00:15:21,817 --> 00:15:24,682 What he should've been doin' is heal her lopsided titties. 337 00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:27,616 Okay, first of all, my titties ain't on trial. 338 00:15:27,650 --> 00:15:29,687 Secondly, God made 'em, 339 00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:32,000 so they must be beautiful. [ Chuckles ] 340 00:15:32,034 --> 00:15:34,347 And third, Lloyd, stop, 'cause you wish you had 341 00:15:34,381 --> 00:15:37,522 some of this lopsided deliciousness. 342 00:15:37,557 --> 00:15:40,629 Well, yes, I do. Yes, I do. 343 00:15:40,663 --> 00:15:42,631 Ransom: What you got for me? 344 00:15:42,665 --> 00:15:45,323 Snitch: His baby mama headed down to a TV station. 345 00:15:45,358 --> 00:15:47,670 Look like him and the hoes gonna be goin' down there, too. 346 00:15:47,705 --> 00:15:49,017 The hoes? 347 00:15:49,051 --> 00:15:50,363 Mm. 348 00:15:50,397 --> 00:15:52,986 Okay. Then that's where we goin'. 349 00:15:53,021 --> 00:15:56,852 I'm gonna bust that buster so everybody can see. 350 00:15:56,886 --> 00:15:58,819 [ Engine starts ] 351 00:15:58,854 --> 00:16:01,477 I would say Jesus is beyond nice. 352 00:16:01,512 --> 00:16:04,273 I mean, if he had something, you have something. 353 00:16:04,308 --> 00:16:06,379 I wish my kids shared like that. 354 00:16:06,413 --> 00:16:08,691 It's just too bad they take after Boonie. 355 00:16:08,726 --> 00:16:11,625 -Boonie? -That's they trifling-ass daddy. 356 00:16:11,660 --> 00:16:14,697 He hang out with Jesus, but Jesus won't set him straight. 357 00:16:14,732 --> 00:16:17,977 Link, I can't make that man act right 358 00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:20,703 like he a robot or something. It got to come from his heart. 359 00:16:20,738 --> 00:16:23,051 Why can't you? You're Jesus, aren't you? 360 00:16:23,085 --> 00:16:26,571 But right now, all you're doing is looking like Jesus. 361 00:16:26,606 --> 00:16:28,711 You're not even acting like Jesus. 362 00:16:28,746 --> 00:16:31,921 Because you are not Jesus. 363 00:16:31,956 --> 00:16:33,923 You're... 364 00:16:33,958 --> 00:16:35,373 Jeez-ish. 365 00:16:35,408 --> 00:16:36,581 I need some proof, man. 366 00:16:36,616 --> 00:16:38,238 Kick me a miracle or something. 367 00:16:38,273 --> 00:16:39,860 It don't work like that, Your Honor. 368 00:16:39,895 --> 00:16:42,346 I can't do a miracle unless Pops says so. 369 00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:44,072 It has to be His will. 370 00:16:44,106 --> 00:16:45,418 Besides, according to you, 371 00:16:45,452 --> 00:16:46,833 the only way I can lose this case 372 00:16:46,867 --> 00:16:48,524 is if I can prove I'm Jesus Christ 373 00:16:48,559 --> 00:16:50,078 and actually do a miracle, right? 374 00:16:50,112 --> 00:16:52,873 That's true, but if you don't perform a miracle, 375 00:16:52,908 --> 00:16:54,599 I might have to have your ass locked up 376 00:16:54,634 --> 00:16:56,394 for psychiatric evaluation. 377 00:16:56,429 --> 00:16:59,259 That's right, Jesus. Either you perform a miracle 378 00:16:59,294 --> 00:17:01,503 to prove that you are the Son of God, 379 00:17:01,537 --> 00:17:04,057 and I can make my $600, 380 00:17:04,092 --> 00:17:07,612 or, uh, about eight dudes in them white jackets 381 00:17:07,647 --> 00:17:09,959 [Chuckles] will take you to the crazy house. 382 00:17:09,994 --> 00:17:11,030 [ Blabbers ] 383 00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:13,170 Where she at?! 384 00:17:13,204 --> 00:17:14,723 Aw, shit. 385 00:17:14,757 --> 00:17:17,795 Hey, don't make me raise up out myself up in here. 386 00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,797 What? Don't you see I'm busy? 387 00:17:19,831 --> 00:17:22,903 Busy? Look, when a pimp wants a fivesome, 388 00:17:22,938 --> 00:17:24,698 a pimp wants a damn fivesome. 389 00:17:24,733 --> 00:17:25,941 -Boonie... -You can't just stroll away 390 00:17:25,975 --> 00:17:28,771 from no sex like that.[ Gavel bangs ] 391 00:17:28,806 --> 00:17:31,636 Judge Homey: Order! And who the hell are you? 392 00:17:31,671 --> 00:17:33,121 Who the hell am I? 393 00:17:33,155 --> 00:17:34,467 This here Tookie. 394 00:17:34,501 --> 00:17:36,779 Tookie Ross, and I'm here to stake my claim. 395 00:17:36,814 --> 00:17:39,472 Oh, so Jesus done made you sober, too? 396 00:17:39,506 --> 00:17:41,646 What? No. Hey, 397 00:17:41,681 --> 00:17:44,270 I'm here to claim this woman right here. 398 00:17:44,304 --> 00:17:47,652 I'm about to make you Queen Bee over all these bitches. 399 00:17:47,687 --> 00:17:49,309 Boonie, I know your crazy ass 400 00:17:49,344 --> 00:17:51,311 ain't sayin' what I think you sayin'. 401 00:17:51,346 --> 00:17:52,830 What you think I'm tryin' to say? 402 00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:54,728 You want me out there doin' somethin' strange 403 00:17:54,763 --> 00:17:56,385 for some damn change? 404 00:17:56,420 --> 00:17:58,007 Bet. That's what I'm sayin'. 405 00:17:58,042 --> 00:18:00,493 [ Laughs ] That's my boy right there, 406 00:18:00,527 --> 00:18:03,392 -coming up on some game. Yeah. -Game hell. 407 00:18:03,427 --> 00:18:06,740 That nigga done lost his damn mind, Ms. Tudi. 408 00:18:06,775 --> 00:18:08,742 -Order in Homey's Court! -Hey, fool. 409 00:18:08,777 --> 00:18:10,848 Don't you know I'm above the law? 410 00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:13,161 Goddamn it, and after I handle my bidness with these bitches, 411 00:18:13,195 --> 00:18:15,266 -I might rent one out to you. -All I know is 412 00:18:15,301 --> 00:18:19,132 I ain't doin' that freaky shit. Talk to him, Jesus. 413 00:18:19,167 --> 00:18:21,514 Boone, you trippin'. We in a court of law, man. 414 00:18:21,548 --> 00:18:23,757 Hey, man, I told you, Tookie possessed my soul. 415 00:18:23,792 --> 00:18:26,105 No, he didn't. You not possessed, man. 416 00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:28,417 He didn't? Well, why I'm doing this? 417 00:18:28,452 --> 00:18:30,039 You goddamn right, God damn it. 418 00:18:30,074 --> 00:18:31,938 When a pimp say he want somethin' done, 419 00:18:31,972 --> 00:18:33,767 all you fools better recognize. 420 00:18:33,802 --> 00:18:37,150 Reggie, get his ass up out of here! 421 00:18:37,185 --> 00:18:39,325 Okay, Milk Dud. Time to go. 422 00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:41,361 I go where I want, when I want. 423 00:18:41,396 --> 00:18:43,156 I think you're gonna go now. 424 00:18:43,191 --> 00:18:45,365 -Where are we? -You in Homey's Court. 425 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:46,366 Let's go. 426 00:18:46,401 --> 00:18:48,506 And where is Homey's Court? 427 00:18:48,541 --> 00:18:49,852 It's on television. 428 00:18:49,887 --> 00:18:52,717 -And is television real or fake? -It's fake. 429 00:18:52,752 --> 00:18:55,858 Which makes this gun right here... 430 00:18:55,893 --> 00:18:58,137 -Fake-ass bullshit, man. -God damn it. 431 00:18:58,171 --> 00:18:59,724 [ Both grunting ] 432 00:18:59,759 --> 00:19:02,727 [ Speaking indistinctly ] 433 00:19:02,762 --> 00:19:04,384 God damn it, I will rip your colon out 434 00:19:04,419 --> 00:19:07,215 -and put it up your ass -- -Boonie, what done got into you? 435 00:19:07,249 --> 00:19:08,526 Ooh, you done changed. 436 00:19:08,561 --> 00:19:10,183 -Come on, dawg. -Jesus, do something. 437 00:19:10,218 --> 00:19:11,633 He done lost his damn mind! 438 00:19:11,667 --> 00:19:13,669 Oh, no, no, no. He ain't lost nothin'. 439 00:19:13,704 --> 00:19:15,740 He gained some swag. 440 00:19:15,775 --> 00:19:17,984 See, I always knew 441 00:19:18,018 --> 00:19:20,538 that you was gonna grow up and be somebody. 442 00:19:20,573 --> 00:19:23,369 Now you and I, we can run the family business. 443 00:19:23,403 --> 00:19:25,819 Bitch, this my business! You work for me! 444 00:19:25,854 --> 00:19:27,856 Jesus, come get this crazy mother fucker 445 00:19:27,890 --> 00:19:30,341 because he has lost his damn mind. 446 00:19:30,376 --> 00:19:34,345 Boone, I'm telling you, brah, you are not possessed, dawg. 447 00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:35,726 He is possessed! 448 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,245 Possessed by the soul of Tookie. 449 00:19:37,279 --> 00:19:39,695 I wasn't afraid of him when he was alive, 450 00:19:39,730 --> 00:19:41,076 and I sure the hell ain't scared of him 451 00:19:41,110 --> 00:19:44,217 while he in this fat-ass teddy bear. 452 00:19:44,252 --> 00:19:45,701 [ All gasp ] 453 00:19:45,736 --> 00:19:47,255 [ Shouting indistinctly ] 454 00:19:47,289 --> 00:19:49,429 -That's right. That's right. -Hold on, whoa, whoa, whoa. 455 00:19:49,464 --> 00:19:51,259 Look. Free cocaine. 456 00:19:51,293 --> 00:19:54,193 -Where? -In your nads! 457 00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:56,091 Uh-huh. Yeah. 458 00:19:56,125 --> 00:19:57,920 A bullet might not have killed you, 459 00:19:57,955 --> 00:19:59,508 but maybe this blade will. 460 00:19:59,543 --> 00:20:01,510 [ All gasping ] 461 00:20:01,545 --> 00:20:03,961 ♪♪ 462 00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:05,687 -Ohh! -[ Laughs ] 463 00:20:05,721 --> 00:20:08,414 I knew you had it in you. Look at you. Gangster. 464 00:20:08,448 --> 00:20:11,796 King Kong ain't got shit on me! 465 00:20:11,831 --> 00:20:15,938 Damn. My baby sound just like Denzel. 466 00:20:15,973 --> 00:20:18,803 Boo, maybe we can start with a foursome or somethin'. 467 00:20:18,838 --> 00:20:20,805 Maybe later. Right now, 468 00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:23,291 I got to take this nigga's life! 469 00:20:23,325 --> 00:20:24,809 [ All gasp ]Boonie! 470 00:20:24,844 --> 00:20:26,742 Whoa! 471 00:20:26,777 --> 00:20:28,572 The fuck you doin', dawg? You trippin'. 472 00:20:28,606 --> 00:20:30,401 You about to take this man's life. 473 00:20:30,436 --> 00:20:31,644 I know. 474 00:20:31,678 --> 00:20:33,922 I told you, Jesus. 475 00:20:33,956 --> 00:20:35,958 Tookie Ross done took over your boy. 476 00:20:35,993 --> 00:20:38,133 Fivesomes? Sixsomes? 477 00:20:38,167 --> 00:20:39,997 Man, you know I'm just down for a onesome 478 00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:43,172 when I can talk myself into it. 479 00:20:43,207 --> 00:20:45,278 Tried to tell you I'm possessed. 480 00:20:45,313 --> 00:20:47,660 Boonie, you not -- 481 00:20:47,694 --> 00:20:49,800 Fuck it. I'm gonna do this. 482 00:20:52,181 --> 00:20:53,838 [ Sighs ] 483 00:20:55,875 --> 00:20:59,016 Evil spirit, demon -- 484 00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:02,191 -Trump? -No, man, this Tookie Ross. 485 00:21:02,226 --> 00:21:03,814 Leave the homey alone! 486 00:21:03,848 --> 00:21:06,023 Cast yourself from this man! 487 00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:07,473 Begone! 488 00:21:07,507 --> 00:21:09,302 [ Blubbering ] 489 00:21:09,337 --> 00:21:11,270 ♪♪ 490 00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:13,858 [ Gasps, grunts ] 491 00:21:13,893 --> 00:21:16,792 ♪ Hoo [ Laughs ] Shit. 492 00:21:16,827 --> 00:21:19,692 [ Sighing ] 493 00:21:19,726 --> 00:21:21,452 Hey. Thanks, Jesus. 494 00:21:21,487 --> 00:21:22,764 Yeah, thank you, Jesus, 495 00:21:22,798 --> 00:21:25,353 for proving you can perform a miracle. 496 00:21:25,387 --> 00:21:27,182 Your Honor, I rest my case. 497 00:21:27,216 --> 00:21:30,219 Well, judging from the miracle I just witnessed here, 498 00:21:30,254 --> 00:21:32,463 and the fact that Lloyd was a drunken bastard 499 00:21:32,498 --> 00:21:34,362 and is now sober, 500 00:21:34,396 --> 00:21:37,779 I have no choice but to rule in favor of the plaintiff. 501 00:21:37,813 --> 00:21:41,023 -[ Laughing ] -Hey, hey, hey. 502 00:21:41,058 --> 00:21:43,681 Shut the fuck up! I'm not done. 503 00:21:43,716 --> 00:21:45,234 Mr. Jesus, I sentence you 504 00:21:45,269 --> 00:21:47,478 to 300 hours of community service. 505 00:21:47,513 --> 00:21:49,238 Um, what about my $600? 506 00:21:49,273 --> 00:21:52,725 Sorry, Lloyd. Community service. That's it. 507 00:21:52,759 --> 00:21:54,727 I've got $600 comin'. 508 00:21:54,761 --> 00:21:56,901 Somebody owe me 600 fuckin dollars. 509 00:21:56,936 --> 00:21:59,352 You know fuck Homey Court. 510 00:21:59,387 --> 00:22:00,974 Fuck and fuck you, Judge. 511 00:22:01,009 --> 00:22:02,907 And your fuckin guard over there, 512 00:22:02,942 --> 00:22:05,185 y'all ain't Shit Fuck all y'all. 513 00:22:05,220 --> 00:22:06,566 Fuck everything, Fuck the carpet, 514 00:22:06,601 --> 00:22:07,912 Fuck the color of this place, 515 00:22:07,947 --> 00:22:09,707 Fuck the lights, Fuck the air in -- 516 00:22:09,742 --> 00:22:11,985 [ Sniffs ] The stinking air, fuck y'all. 517 00:22:12,020 --> 00:22:14,160 Fuck that camera. Fuck y'all 518 00:22:14,194 --> 00:22:16,162 I don't give a fuck about this shit 519 00:22:16,196 --> 00:22:19,579 Got my ass out here, think I'm gonna get my $600. 520 00:22:19,614 --> 00:22:21,236 I gotta buy some soap! My ass stink! 521 00:22:21,270 --> 00:22:25,136 Announcer: Coming up next, "Whose baby is it anyway?"