♪ Whoo! ♪
♪ Come on, the one and only ♪
Woman: I've never seen anything like it.
♪♪
We've picked a riveting, exciting location
to perform magic.
We're here at the Department of Motor Vehicles.
I'm here to pick up a plate for Midwest [bleep]
My name's Raphael Diaz. -Oh, sure.
Sure.
Specialty plate I think, right? -Oh, yeah.
It says, uh, "faith" with a "1" instead of an "I."
Yeah, I think this is it. Says it right here.
Yep. That's perfect.
-All right. -Yep.
-Good? -Yeah, man.
Looks really good.
All right. Um...
This envelope you'll use to return the other plate.
Sorry. Whoops.
That didn't get dented, did it?
Yeah, sometimes they -- Oh.
It did.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about that.
That just blew my mind.
-Yeah. -How does that even happen?
What?
-Yeah, that's really weird.
Oh, damn.
I think it's just that, uh, they're using a cheaper metal.
And, um...
I mean...
You know, they press these, um...
It's just slipping.
Um, so it may still have --
the metal might still have a malleability to it.
Is it possible that we just -- like, that there's a form
that you can fill out, to, like, put --
like, get a new plate and we'll just come back to get it?
Yeah. He said that we can, like, warm it up a little bit
and then get it -- Are they moving at all?
Here, let me try this.
There you go.
What the?
-All right. -Yeah.
-Sweet. -Sorry about that.
That's what he said to do. He said to fl--
Oh, I don't want to mess it up again.
Okay, no, no. Yeah.
I wouldn't drive quick today if you're gonna put it on the car.
All right, I'll let her know. Yeah, I'll let her know.
Yeah. Let me go get your other plate.
-Okay. -You're gonna need two plates.
♪♪
So sorry, I don't have your other plate.
Oh, no. I think there was -- Uh, this is it.
And that should be fine. -Oh, it was just one?
Yeah. Yeah, it was just one.
That's cool. Sorry about that.
Just be very careful with it and, um --
'cause those are produced using the Carbonaro Effect.
The only thing I know about "The Carbonaro Effect"
is the show, that there's a show about it.
-Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. -You know what?
I think the guy might be named, like --
His name is Carbonaro.
No, it's not. It's not.
Um, I think it's with Jim Mulaney?
Maybe it's with Jim Mulaney.
I know the show you're talking about.
Yeah.
Jim Mulaney hosts "The Carbonaro Effect."
There you go.
I think it's like a hidden-camera show, right?
-Yes. -That's what it is.
-I know that show.
You're right. Yeah. We're on that show right now.
Dude? -You're joking.
I'm not joking.
-No, you're -- -My name's Michael Carbonaro.
You are on my TV show right now, "The Carbonaro Effect."
No way.
-Dude, seriously. -What?
See the camera hiding up there?
[ Both laugh ]
Was that crazy?
Oh, my gosh.
Yo, that was awesome.
I need a Class-C modified.
-Sure, sure, sure. -Thank you.
All right, you want to do modification.
Um, did -- Oh.
I know, I bent it. It went through the wash.
It went through the wash?
-Yeah. -Did it mess up the pass?
-I have no idea. -You know there's a pass inside?
Oh, no. I didn't know that.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, there's, like, a little -- see, the edge is double-thick?
-Yeah. -You would -- A police officer
has one of these tools as well, to open it.
-Oh. -Okay?
So, you separate it with this tool.
Okay. Oh.
It actually peels apart.
What?
-Can you see that? -Yeah.
Yeah. It looks like it's okay.
It doesn't look like it got damaged.
Um, do you know which -- Oh, that's a good one.
I can see what that is.
Let's open.
-That's a -- -"Violation Dismissal."
Yeah.
So if you get pulled over for speeding,
you can tell the officer you have this in your license.
How was I supposed to know I had that in my license?
That should've had a form with it when you got it sent to you.
I didn't know that!
So if you're ever in a rush, just don't worry about it.
For speeds above 10 miles an hour, you can speed.
But he'll take it once it gets used.
It's like a "Get Out of Jail Free" card.
-Exactly what it is. -Not jail, but --
They make different ones, too. So this is a good one.
Most of them are just, like, free parking violation passes.
-Are they just random? -They're random, yeah.
Cool. I had no idea! You're blowing my mind.
One of them was an accident-absolving pass.
-That shouldn't be dismissed. -I know.
So if you get pulled over,
you hand him your license and just say, "Squeeze that."
'Cause he'll be able to feel it inside.
Anyway, you want to make that a nice tight fold.
You just blew my mind.
-Yeah? -Yes.
Not a lot of people know that they have them.
Well, no. They don't --
Well, I guess they tell us in the thing but no one reads it.
Yeah.
There was one for going into emergency-access lanes,
riding behind ambulances.
Yeah. You can feel it.
You can still feel it in there,
and it's good it didn't get ruined.
That is insane.
-Yeah. -Okay, cool.
All right, let me get that form for you.
-Okay, cool. -All right.
♪♪
Okay. Are you in our online system?
Uh, I'm not sure.
Here's a startup pack right here.
Okay.
It's just for online registration.
And, um, you're gonna want to have a password.
Oh.
I'll just put it down on my phone, just to have it.
-Yeah. -Just put, like, 34bench18.
3, 4, bench?
B-E-N-C-H, yeah.
B-E-N-C-H, 18?
-Yeah, sure. -Okay.
All right, yeah.
Last thing is, may I see that -- your registration pack?
-That looks a lot like me. -Doesn't it?
It looks a lot like me, actually.
That looks a lot like you.
-Even the glasses are, like -- -Yeah.
This is our new mascot for identity theft.
-I'm -- -That's so weird.
This is -- What's your name?
-Joe. -Joe.
Oh, right. Yeah. Joe. That's his name!
Serious?
Dude, yeah.
Look at this. That's so weird.
I knew -- It's funny, 'cause I thought you looked familiar.
Yeah, see? They have -- -That's, like, super weird.
Yes. See, look.
In your pack here, they use that face
on the registration. -Wow.
And there's buttons that it comes with.
That makes sense, 'cause look.
"34bench18."
That's your password. -Yeah.
So that makes sense. No wonder why I recognized that.
Wait, how did my password get there?
Yeah, they got these magnets.
Is that my license number?
Wait, how -- I don't --
I just came up with the password out of nowhere.
Right. So it --
How'd that get in the --
'Cause this got printed out before,
and I just now came up with the password.
Right. Right, yeah.
See, look.
In my wallet I had, uh, they gave us bumper stickers.
It's so funny, your face is on all of them.
What?
You're probably better off with this.
You want this? It's your face.
It's funny. -I mean, sure.
Why not?
I actually just got work done on my car,
and they fixed the back of it.
I mean, you get what I mean?
'Cause I could've been --
See, that's on my car -- my bumper sticker.
Yeah, that is the password -- 34bench18.
Yeah, so it's definitely you.
Out of how many people did I get selected?
That's, like, crazy. -All of Chicago.
Yeah, it's lit-- We had a -- Oh, look.
Yeah, our poster...
is that mascot.
Wait. That's actually so crazy.
What really creeps me out is the password, though,
'cause I could've said something totally different
as the password and these things would still say that --
the 34bench, right?
Let me see if I know how to -- I could change it.
Oh, yeah.
You should probably change your password now.
Somehow, I happened to pick
the exact password that's everywhere.
So yeah, let's change it.
Yeah, let me find out how to undo that.
I'll be right back.
♪♪
Ever buy something, and then you need it returned?
I'm your guy!
I'm working the Return Counter at Cook Brothers.
It's cold out here.
I need to return this.
Sure, okay.
All right. You got the original receipt?
And...on the 11th. Okay, cool.
And do you -- was there anything wrong with it?
No, it was just the wrong one.
Oh. Sure, sure, sure.
No problem. -So, yeah.
All right, great.
Just the router, yeah.
Yeah, it has to be -- I understand.
These things, there's so many different ones.
-Yeah. -It has all the pieces in it.
[ Rattling ]
There's something in there.
Hold on here.
Some kind of -- Sometimes it's so hard
to get these pieces, like, to fit in the boxes.
-Uh-huh. -You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, how did they ever originally fit in there?
Yeah.
Yeah, there's something fitting in there weird.
Oh. What? -Whoa!
Oh, my God. Is that real?
I -- What is that?
Oh, my God. Is that a bat?
-Oh, it's a bat. -Is that real?
That's a -- Yeah.
This happens on these routers.
Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah.
-Okay. -I'm sorry about that.
No, it's fine.
I'm just, like, that surprised me like crazy.
No, you know what? It's probably --
Some of the companies set it to, like, a signal...
Uh-huh?
...that doesn't work with the TV.
Oh, my God.
But the bat picks up the signal.
That is so crazy.
-Yeah. -Okay.
And so, you didn't feel that in there when you were --
-No, I just carried the bag out. -Okay.
I would check the surrounding area...
Okay.
...in your place where you had this plugged in,
just under the couch or anywhere that a bat might've come into,
you know, the immediate area.
That's just so crazy.
-Yeah. -I mean, that is insane.
But let me, uh -- -Okay.
-I'm gonna take this. -Yeah, yeah.
Hold on one sec. I'll be right back.
Yep.
I can help you out there in a second.
♪♪
I want to return this.
This is not working.
You want to return this?
-Yeah. -Yeah, no problem.
You have the receipt? -Yeah, it's in there.
Okay.
-All right. -At the bottom.
Somewhere in there, wow. -Oh, here's your receipt.
Okay. Thank gosh, right?
-Right. -Okay.
So, did you say it was just not working?
Yeah, it's not working at all.
Like, when you plugged it in it didn't do anything.
Yeah. It's not getting hot,
and then it keeps popping up for some reason.
It won't get hot, and it keeps popping.
-Mm-hmm. -Oh.
'Cause it -- I'm like, it's brand-new.
Sometimes the spring mechanism in there...
Oh.
...it's like it just doesn't lock down.
Oh, so that makes it not get hot.
-Yeah. -Mm-hmm.
Oh, you know what?
Sorry.
That's funny. It just looks like there's a little --
Ooh. Oh, yeah! Look at that.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, that's okay. Don't worry about that.
Oh, look. -Oh, my -- What?
A little piece of toast in there.
That's probably what jammed the thing.
-Hmm. -Let me see here.
Oh, there you go! -What the...?
There's a whole piece of toast in there.
[ Rattling ]
And that's what probably got it stuck.
Wow. Oh, my God!
There's a bunch of bread in there.
But she said she didn't use it yet.
Yeah. You know what?
What the heck?
Did you try and -- maybe you put toast in there
and someone else came in and tried to put bread in there?
See, I don't remember that at all.
I mean, yeah.
Are you serious?
The flap opens up, and they kind of hide under there.
Right.
So then, the next person comes in the room
and they're like, "Oh, I'll make toast."
Then their toast doesn't come up.
Right.
And then the next person comes in.
So, how many days did you have this?
Um, I just had it from last week.
Okay.
But my friend must have used it.
Yeah. Maybe you got a lot of people in your family?
-No, not at all. -No?
Well, somebody likes toast, yeah?
Oh, there's also a strudel.
It looks like somebody tried to do a strudel.
I see it. What the hell?
Yeah, that's a lot.
But they are -- they are jammable little monsters,
these -- Oh, this one's buttered.
Oh, we got --
Oh, did someone try and fix it?
Yeah.
Yeah, it looks like there's a fork in here.
Maybe someone tried to jam that down.
I had no idea this was stuck in there.
What, your roommate or something?
Yeah. I don't understand.
Like, how could this take that much toast?
Well, I mean, they're made for industrial toast.
But there's a bagel in here.
That can jam it if you don't split it first.
-Oh, yeah. -So probably, somebody --
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh. -Okay.
Well, let me just get all that out here.
Um, one minute.
Once it gets stuck in one of the --
Yeah, that's a -- There we go.
'Cause it's stiff, so they're pushing up against each other.
And they're kind of butting up against there
and kind of making it harder for the next piece to be released.
But this doesn't even look that big
to take this much toast, though.
That's crazy. -Yeah.
Do you want the toast?
-No, sweetie. -No?
Of course not.
I know some people make croutons and stuff.
What are you talking about? No.
-No, okay. -Damn!
So you want to just return it, or do want another one?
I'm probably gonna get another one, if you don't mind.
All right, let me see if I can grab another one off the shelf.
-Okay. -Hang here one second.
Okay.
♪♪
Hello. How you doing?
I'm returning.
-Just a return? -Yes.
Okay, you got it.
A calculator here?
-Yes. -All right.
And this is the receipt?
-Yes. -Okay.
I'll just, uh, scan that...
here, and scan the back of the package there.
Just didn't need it anymore?
-Right. -Okay.
Just didn't need it. I got too many of them.
Yeah. I -- Ooh.
Sorry.
Did I just drop your receipt?
No, it's in there some type of way.
How? -Oh.
Whoops.
What?
-I don't know how that happened. -Is there a slot right there?
-Isn't that crazy? -No, there's no slot on there.
It just popped in there.
-It just popped -- -You saw it too, right?
Yeah. I dropped it, and the thing was --
Wow.
That just freaked me out.
I think 'cause it's vacuum-packed, maybe?
You think so?
So, I have to scan the back of the receipt,
but then I'd have to open it.
And then it'd be an open package.
Really?
Wow.
Okay. I'll use an exempt form.
It's a receipt exemption form.
And, uh, I can fill that out later.
But I'll just put it with this, this way.
That is crazy.
That is the weirdest thing.
Um, just bring this -- bring this, uh --
Look, look.
You got to be kidding me. -Come on!
You got to be kidding me.
-That is so -- -I got to record this.
The receipt --
I don't know where Ken is. Um, hold on a minute.
I'm gonna get my manager. -Okay.
Maybe he knows how to, like --
I've never seen that happen before.
Wow.
But it's technically returnable now,
because there's a return, you know?
Because you have the receipt exemption form.
-Well, we can just make sure. -Okay, I'll find out.
Let me just find out for you. I'll be right back.
Okay.
I have to return this.
It's not even open, and somehow the receipt is in the packet.
It's not open at all.
♪♪
Are you drinking
Check this out.
Who would've thought there was a beach in Chicago?
We're on the beach, in Chicago!
This is great!
Oh, hey!
What's your name? -Janice.
Hi, Janice. How you doing?
Michael. -Michael, nice to meet you.
All right. Oh, you brought water?
-Yeah. -You got water.
Gonna want to have a good sip of that, you know?
-All right. -Make sure you stay hydrated.
What a day, right? -Mm-hmm.
Such a nice day.
We're just taking inventory of the rental boats.
-Okay. -Throwing a coat of wax on them,
and then we're getting them packed up for the fall.
And we're just gonna give it one coat of wax.
Oh, wow! Look at this.
No way!
-This -- Is this alive? -What?
-No, he's dead. -He's dead?
Yeah, he'd be moving and clamping at you.
Yeah.
Poor guy.
-Yeah. -Aww.
You know what happens when these get dried out, though.
They -- They attract seagulls.
Oh. That's good that you moved him.
So I'm gonna bag him up here.
I'll just use my lunch bag.
You sure?
You could, like, wrap him, at least, you know?
Give him a little proper burial or something.
A proper burial?
We're gonna dig -- We're gonna dig a hole?
I would later, if you like...
Yeah, here. I'll put him inside here.
...God's animals.
-Yeah. -There he goes.
Rest in peace, little guy.
Ooh, it's already starting to smell.
-Oh, poor guy. -Yeah.
-He's probably been there -- -Sun gets ahold --
Sun gets ahold of that, and that'll smell pretty bad.
Aww.
Yeah, I'll seal it up so the seagulls won't get to that.
That was cool. I didn't expect to see that.
Never seen a crab in my life.
Little one -- A little one in Florida...
-Oh, yeah? -...when I went to Tampa.
Yeah.
They didn't mention before you came here
about a lifeguard coming?
No.
There's, like, people out here.
I'm gonna call and make sure
there isn't supposed to be somebody down here.
All right.
♪♪
That's my water.
Are you drinking my water?
I don't know who you are!
You can have it.
Excuse me. -Yeah.
Are you seriously, like, for real?
Like, you could take this water.
There should be somebody?
♪♪
She just came up and drank my water!
What happened?
She literally walked up, picked up my water,
and drank it. She could have the [bleep]
Oh. Thanks.
Oh, thank you.
Okay. -No, no, no.
Give it back to her. -Wait, tell me what happened?
Lookit, she walked over...
-Uh-huh. -...took a sip,
literally me telling her that's my water.
-Really? -"Excuse me, that's my water."
Give her back the [bleep] water.
I mean, she -- I don't know what's wrong with her.
She's weird.
[ Vocalizing ]
♪♪
What the hell's going on?
I have no idea. Take it back.
That is so weird. No.
What the -- Don't let her take it.
She's weird, dude!
She literally walked over -- -She said nothing?
She's --
♪♪
Thank you.
Did she just do, like, some ritual [bleep]
It looked like it.
What the [bleep]
What the heck is right.
What the [bleep]
What the...? -Oh, my.
What the...just happened, bro?
Hold on a minute. Hold on a second.
What the...just happened?
Oh, my God.
Bro! -Hold on.
Is -- That is --
Oh, my God.
-Okay. -What --
She --
Okay, hold on a minute. Hold on a minute.
[ Hyperventilating ]
You want some more water?
I ain't drinking that [bleep]
Okay. Do me a favor.
Stay here. -Bro, you saw that [bleep]
Keep an eye on her until I get a proper lifeguard.
I don't want either of us to be involved with this.
Get the [bleep] 5-O or something.
Keep your eye on her!
♪♪
[ Wind gusting ]
[ Gasps ]
Bro! -What?
Get the [bleep] over here!
There's [bleep] fishes in here!
What?
There's [bleep] life in here, bro.
-What? -[Bleep] there's life in there!
-Wait a minute. -There's life in there!
I can't. I can't, bro.
I can't. -Wait, what happened?
What happened? -I have no idea!
There's just [bleep] fishes in there!
That's where she drank from.
Bro, she's a [bleep] el diablo.
-That is so -- -Brujería!
Brujería! Witchcraft.
-Witchcraft? -Brujería, bro.
Brujería? Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Como el diablo. What is she doing?
That is so freaking weird.
She came over, took a sip, and I'm like,
"Excuse me, that's my water."
I've never -- Oh, my God!
Oh, my -- What the [bleep]
-Did you see that? -What the [bleep]
-Holy! -Hey!
-Oh, my God. -What the [bleep]
No! Oh, my God!
That's insane. My God.
She's a [bleep] mermaid!
You're a mermaid!
[ Screams ] -Did you see that?
Lookit! Lookit!
She got a tail.
Oh, my God.
Michael: Oh, my.
-Is this real? -Is that --
That's not a real thing, people turning into mermaids.
She had feet, and now she has a tail.
She didn't bring it in there with her!
What are we seeing? -I saw her walk out.
She had legs.
-Brujería. -Brujería?
She sold her soul to the devil, bro.
She brought a [bleep] crab back to life.
She gave us fish.
Yeah.
We got fish in a [bleep] bottle!
I know what this is.
Look how long she's under there for.
Do you know what this is?
This is the Carbonaro Effect. -Okay.
Do you know what the Carbonaro Effect is?
I've seen that show before, but that's it.
The show? You've seen that show?
That's all I've seen.
-Yeah? -That's all I know.
It's a hidden-camera magic show.
Are you -- Are you -- Did you just -- Am I on camera?
Janice, you're the best!
[Bleep] this. But -- dude!
[ Laughing ]
How did -- How did she do -- How is she doing that?
Magic.
Janice!
Janice. -I hate you so much.
You hate me? Give me a hug!
I hate you so [bleep] much.