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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
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NARRATOR: In the busy life
of a private eye team,
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you learn to appreciate
the slow days.
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That's the time
to put away the polygraph
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and break out the phonograph.
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(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
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(MUSIC STOPS)
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NARRATOR:
Everybody's a music critic.
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(MUSIC STARTS)
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(MUSIC PLAYS BACKWARDS)
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(MUSIC STARTS AND STOPS)
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(MUSIC PLAYS RAPIDLY)
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(JAZZ MUSIC CONTINUES)
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(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
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(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
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(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
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(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
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(ALTERNATING CONTINUES)
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(LAUGHS)
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(TELEPHONE RINGING)
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(TELEPHONE CONTINUES RINGING)
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(TELEPHONE CONTINUES RINGING)
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TOODLES: Tom!
You've gotta help me.
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I'm over at my dance studio
right now.
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Get over here
as fast as you can. Hurry!
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NARRATOR:
When a beautiful dame
like Toodles
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needs a knight
in shining armor,
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it's time to spring
into action.
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A knight can't show up
looking badly groomed,
now, can he?
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Twenty minutes later,
they grabbed the nearest taxi
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and sped off across town
to Toodles' dance studio,
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until they realized
that Toodles' dance studio
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was actually right across
the hall from their office.
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There sat Toodles
looking like a ballerina
made out of pure catnip.
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Enough femine charm
to distract even
the toughest cookie.
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Oh, Tom,
what am I going to do?
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My dance partner Ramone
has disappeared,
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and tonight is the city
couples' dance championship.
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Oh, Tom, you've gotta help me!
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I can't go on stage
alone tonight.
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It's a couples-only
competition.
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What?
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Hey!
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Tom, that's not what I meant.
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Whoa! Ow!
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Tom. Oh! Ow!
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(GROANS)
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(LAUGHS)
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You fool!
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I would never dance
on stage with you.
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You're clumsy,
undignified, repulsive,
and you have two left feet.
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Now, get out there
and find Ramone
before tonight's show,
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or I'll never, ever
speak to you again.
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NARRATOR:
With just a few hours
to find Ramone,
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they'd have to act fast.
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To make matters worse,
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it turned out dark, mysterious
forces were at large
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to keep them off the case.
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But the clues to that
were so subtle,
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even our keenly trained pros
were completely unaware of it.
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Their first stop was
the upstairs dance studio
of Spike and Lulu.
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It wasn't outside
the realm of possibility
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that they had taken measures
to get rid of Ramone
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to cinch first place.
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Youse got me all wrong, cat.
I'd never hurt Ramone.
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He's practically
a brother to me.
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We grew up together,
working side by side
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at his old man's fish market.
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You can still smell
the mackerel on our paws.
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Ain't that right, Lulu, honey?
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No comment.
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NARRATOR:
With twilight coming on,
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they headed downtown
to have a word with
Toodles' boyfriend, Butch.
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Butch was training Meathead,
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more of a down-and-goer
than an up-and-comer.
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But as a former champ,
and notoriously
jealous boyfriend,
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Butch might not enjoy
the thought of Ramone
and Toodles
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dancing cheek to cheek.
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Youse two are scratching up
the wrong post this time.
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Ramone and Toodles is strictly
a professional relationship!
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He knows better
than to cross me!
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Unlike some dopes
I could name.
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Look, you want me to swear
I ain't involved?
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Cross my heart
and hope to kiss a dog,
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I ain't involved.
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TKO, baby!
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I am the greatest!
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Fighters...
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NARRATOR:
With evening coming on,
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it looked like
they were out of time,
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out of clues,
and maybe even out of luck.
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Suddenly,
their razor-keen senses
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picked up the overwhelming
smell of mackerel
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coming from
the abandoned building
across the street.
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SPIKE: Ramone!
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NARRATOR:
Ramone explained he'd been
blackjacked from behind
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while leaving dance practice
a few days before.
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I cannot say for sure,
but I am almost certain I know
who's behind this.
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We are dealing with
dark forces, amigos.
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They will stop at nothing!
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You must tell Toodles
not to dance tonight!
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And you too must forget
you even saw me here!
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Adios, amigos!
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TOODLES:
You had him and he got away?
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You knuckleheads!
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Oh, now I'm ruined!
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(WHISPERS)
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Hmm, it's not much of a plan
but it's worth a try.
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Okay, Thomas,
you're a long shot,
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but you're the only shot
I've got.
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At least I can say
I didn't go out as a quitter.
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Come on!
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(TOM SCREAMS)
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HOST: And now,
competing for first place,
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grand champions
for five years in a row,
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Toodles and Ramone!
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(SALSA MUSIC PLAYING)
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HOST: And the championship
winners...
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-Toodles and Ramone!
-(AUDIENCE CLAPPING)
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NARRATOR: Finally,
the clues to this mystery
were about to fall into place.
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All right, buddy.
Let's see whodunit.
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(GASPS) Mother! It was you?
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That's right. It was me.
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I bushwhacked Ramone,
and done my darnedest
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to keep those two
nosy-parkers off my tail.
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But, why'd you do it, lady?
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It's the only way I could get
through to Toodles.
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I figured if she finally lost
this silly competion,
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she'd give up this
dancing stuff
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and learn a sensible trade
like mine.
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Oh, what's your
profession, ma'am?
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I'm a spot welder
for heavy construction.
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NARRATOR: Well,
as impossible as it sounds,
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there turned out to be
a happy compromise.
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By day, Toodles worked
as a spot welder
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in heavy construction
alongside her mom.
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And by night,
she took to the stage
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as a sensational
solo dance star.
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And as for our heroes,
those two little words,
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"Case closed,"
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are always music
to their ears.
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(JAZZY HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
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(RECORD SCRATCHING
RHYTHMICALLY)