(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
NARRATOR: In the busy life of a private eye team,
you learn to appreciate the slow days.
That's the time to put away the polygraph
and break out the phonograph.
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC STOPS)
NARRATOR: Everybody's a music critic.
(MUSIC STARTS)
(MUSIC PLAYS BACKWARDS)
(MUSIC STARTS AND STOPS)
(MUSIC PLAYS RAPIDLY)
(JAZZ MUSIC CONTINUES)
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALTERNATING CONTINUES)
(LAUGHS)
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(TELEPHONE CONTINUES RINGING)
TOODLES: Tom! You've gotta help me.
I'm over at my dance studio right now.
Get over here as fast as you can. Hurry!
NARRATOR: When a beautiful dame like Toodles
needs a knight in shining armor,
it's time to spring into action.
A knight can't show up looking badly groomed, now, can he?
Twenty minutes later, they grabbed the nearest taxi
and sped off across town to Toodles' dance studio,
until they realized that Toodles' dance studio
was actually right across the hall from their office.
There sat Toodles looking like a ballerina made out of pure catnip.
Enough femine charm to distract even the toughest cookie.
Oh, Tom, what am I going to do?
My dance partner Ramone has disappeared,
and tonight is the city couples' dance championship.
Oh, Tom, you've gotta help me!
I can't go on stage alone tonight.
It's a couples-only competition.
What?
Hey!
Tom, that's not what I meant.
Whoa! Ow!
Tom. Oh! Ow!
(GROANS)
(LAUGHS)
You fool!
I would never dance on stage with you.
You're clumsy, undignified, repulsive, and you have two left feet.
Now, get out there and find Ramone before tonight's show,
or I'll never, ever speak to you again.
NARRATOR: With just a few hours to find Ramone,
they'd have to act fast.
To make matters worse,
it turned out dark, mysterious forces were at large
to keep them off the case.
But the clues to that were so subtle,
even our keenly trained pros were completely unaware of it.
Their first stop was the upstairs dance studio of Spike and Lulu.
It wasn't outside the realm of possibility
that they had taken measures to get rid of Ramone
to cinch first place.
Youse got me all wrong, cat. I'd never hurt Ramone.
He's practically a brother to me.
We grew up together, working side by side
at his old man's fish market.
You can still smell the mackerel on our paws.
Ain't that right, Lulu, honey?
No comment.
NARRATOR: With twilight coming on,
they headed downtown to have a word with Toodles' boyfriend, Butch.
Butch was training Meathead,
more of a down-and-goer than an up-and-comer.
But as a former champ, and notoriously jealous boyfriend,
Butch might not enjoy the thought of Ramone and Toodles
dancing cheek to cheek.
Youse two are scratching up the wrong post this time.
Ramone and Toodles is strictly a professional relationship!
He knows better than to cross me!
Unlike some dopes I could name.
Look, you want me to swear I ain't involved?
Cross my heart and hope to kiss a dog,
I ain't involved.
TKO, baby!
I am the greatest!
Fighters...
NARRATOR: With evening coming on,
it looked like they were out of time,
out of clues, and maybe even out of luck.
Suddenly, their razor-keen senses
picked up the overwhelming smell of mackerel
coming from the abandoned building across the street.
SPIKE: Ramone!
NARRATOR: Ramone explained he'd been blackjacked from behind
while leaving dance practice a few days before.
I cannot say for sure, but I am almost certain I know who's behind this.
We are dealing with dark forces, amigos.
They will stop at nothing!
You must tell Toodles not to dance tonight!
And you too must forget you even saw me here!
Adios, amigos!
TOODLES: You had him and he got away?
You knuckleheads!
Oh, now I'm ruined!
(WHISPERS)
Hmm, it's not much of a plan but it's worth a try.
Okay, Thomas, you're a long shot,
but you're the only shot I've got.
At least I can say I didn't go out as a quitter.
Come on!
(TOM SCREAMS)
HOST: And now, competing for first place,
grand champions for five years in a row,
Toodles and Ramone!
(SALSA MUSIC PLAYING)
HOST: And the championship winners...
-Toodles and Ramone! -(AUDIENCE CLAPPING)
NARRATOR: Finally, the clues to this mystery were about to fall into place.
All right, buddy. Let's see whodunit.
(GASPS) Mother! It was you?
That's right. It was me.
I bushwhacked Ramone, and done my darnedest
to keep those two nosy-parkers off my tail.
But, why'd you do it, lady?
It's the only way I could get through to Toodles.
I figured if she finally lost this silly competion,
she'd give up this dancing stuff
and learn a sensible trade like mine.
Oh, what's your profession, ma'am?
I'm a spot welder for heavy construction.
NARRATOR: Well, as impossible as it sounds,
there turned out to be a happy compromise.
By day, Toodles worked as a spot welder
in heavy construction alongside her mom.
And by night, she took to the stage
as a sensational solo dance star.
And as for our heroes, those two little words,
"Case closed,"
are always music to their ears.
(JAZZY HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
(RECORD SCRATCHING RHYTHMICALLY)