(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
PECOS: Have joined up with a traveling rodeo show. Stop.
Coming through town tonight. Stop.
Will drop by for a visit. Stop.
P.S.: The sooner you quit reading this message
and get to opening the goddarn door,
the sooner we can get to a visitin'!
Howdy, n-nephew!
Would have got here sooner
but it took forever to find a telegraph office in this day and age.
Done give up my singing career to join the rodeo.
Even dusted off my old lariat
and relearned my old rope tricks.
Yee-haw!
♪ Whoop-ee-ti-yi-o
♪ Get along little doggies
♪ It's your misfortune and none of my own
♪ Whoop-ee-ti-yi-o
♪ Get along little doggies ♪
♪ Oh, frog went a courtin'
♪ He did ride C-Crambone ♪
(STRING BREAKS)
Dagbustit! Got a guitar string on you, nephew?
I see one.
Well, it sure is mighty good to see y'all, n-nephew.
Gets mighty lonesome on the road.
(KNOCKING)
What's wrong with this here c-critter?
He gone loco?
All this mad cow disease can drive a man to penury.
You can't be too careful.
Let's just check this critter out for any other symptoms.
(LAUGHS) Well, look at that.
The hooves is all as soft as a marshmallow.
This calls for a complete look-see.
Open up there, critter.
Got to take a look under the hood to inspect your internal...
-(GULPS) -(STAMMERS) ...particulars.
PECOS: Oh, now. Some dang fool gone turned out the lights.
Good thing I brought along some matches.
(STRIKES MATCH)
There, now I can see a little better.
(MATCH SIZZLING)
(GULPING)
(PECOS SPUTTERING)
(SHATTERING)
(COUGHS) I guess it's the rainy season 'round these here parts.
Oh, dagnabbit!
All that humidity done shrunk my...
(STAMMERS) ...ten-gallon hat down to a half pint.
(BLOWS)
(POPS)
(TSKING)
Unfortunately, for this poor critter,
I got some bad news.
Judging from his insides,
he's just about the sorriest specimen I ever did see.
I'm afraid we're going to have to put him out to pasture.
Can't have this one infecting the rest of your herd.
Well, just fetch me a branding iron.
Tire iron?
Nine-iron?
Well, there's more than one way to skin a c-cat.
Let me just have a look around your chuckwagon here
to find some appropriate equipment.
(CLATTERING)
Now, I'm going to show you how we do this down in the panhandle.
(CLANKING)
Whoa, hang on a second... (STAMMERS) Nephew.
I believe this critter has done had a miraculous recovery.
(KNOCKING)
Back off, you mad critter.
(SCREAMS)
♪ Whoop-ee-ti-yi-o
♪ Get along little doggies ♪
(WHIP CRACKS)
Now, where did that doggie go?
It was here just a minute ago.
Oh, there he is.
♪ It's your misfortune and none of my own
-♪ Whoop-ee-ti-yi-o -(VACUUM WHIRRING)
♪ Get along little doggies ♪
-(HORSE WHINNYING) -Whooo-ee!
Now, we're bronco busting. (LAUGHS)
♪ Whoop-ee-ti-yi-o
♪ Get along little doggies
♪ It's your misfortune and none of my own
♪ Whoop-ee-ti-yi-o
♪ Get along little doggies
♪ It's time for Wyoming to be your new home ♪
(CRASHING)
Now, where do you suppose that critter done got to?
PECOS: Now, along about sunset, that's when you want to be administering
a little bit of Texas zinger to your livestock.
This is full of nutrition, ambition, sassafras
and a touch of chili pepper to give it a little kick.
(BELLOWING)
Hmm, maybe it's just a touch too much kick.
Hiya, bull!
(SCREAMING)
(BANGING)
Now here comes a demonstrating of branding this here critter.
This here's a newfangled, laser-intensified branding iron.
-(CRACKLES) -I can adjust the setting
so you don't feel a dagburn thing.
-(SIZZLING) -Oops.
Where's the shut-off valve on this thing?
(SHRIEKS)
-(SIZZLING) -Whoa, there.
(LAUGHS) I guess I should have read the instructions a little bit more.
(SHRIEKING)
(IRON HISSING)
(SCREAMING)
(CRASHING)
Yup. We lose more doggies that way.
(CHORTLES)
♪ Well, frog went a courtin'
♪ He did ride C-Crambone
♪ Frog went a courtin'
♪ He did ride C-Crambone
♪ Frog went a courtin', he did ride
♪ With a sword and a pistol by his side
♪ C-Crambone ♪
-(STRING BREAKS) -PECOS: Dagnabbit!
Busted a guitar string right in the middle of the c-chorus.
(SCREAMS)
(PECOS SCATTING)
That's the hard part right there in the middle there.
Well, so long... (STAMMERS) Nephew.
Don't forget to watch the rodeo show on TV t-tonight.
Thanks for all your hospitality.
Oh! Looky here, here comes my ride.
-(HOOVES STOMPING) -(HORSES NEIGHING)
ANNOUNCER: (ON TV) And now it's time for the Lonestar Rodeo's
biggest laugh sensation,
Uncle Pecos, the rodeo clown!
(LAUGHING)
PECOS: (ON TV) ♪ Whoop-ee-ti-yi-o
♪ Get along little doggies
♪ It's your misfortune and none of my own ♪
Yah, doggie, come on!
Whoo-ey!
Now we're bronco bustin'!