(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
NARRATOR: It had been a tough week for the cat and mouse detectives.
(BOTH SNORING)
(DOG BARKING)
(SWITCH CLICKS)
MAN: Oh, not again. (GROANS)
NARRATOR: Suddenly the concrete poetry of the city at night was...
(IN LOUD TONE) I said, suddenly the concrete poetry of the city...
-(DOGS CONTINUES BARKING) -(GRUNTS) What's the use?
(CLICKS)
(WHIRRING)
MAN: (OVER RADIO) And now your mid-night symphony.
(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(DOGS CONTINUE BARKING)
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
(RADIO VOLUME INCREASES)
MAN: (OVER RADIO) For the love of Pete,
somebody shut that rotten dog up.
(GAGGING)
NARRATOR: A bird in the hand is one thing
but a pigeon in the esophagus is just plain gross.
(SNEEZES)
It was Crooked Eddie.
Everybody's favorite stool pigeon.
-(TWITCHING) -He was even twitchier than usual.
(STAMMERING) Sorry, pal, I'm sleep deprived.
(COOING) Nobody sleeps with that racket.
(GASPING AND COOING) I've been trying to track it down.
But I'm so tired, my navigation's a little off.
(TWITCHING AND COOING)
(CLATTERS)
See what I mean?
NARRATOR: The good news was that Eddie had scouted out a good chunk of town
and that ruled out at least a few neighborhoods.
By careful forensic expertise,
the cat and mouse detectives were able to narrow things down.
(NARRATOR READING)
Doesn't sound scary, does it?
(FOOTSTEPS SQUEAKING SOFTLY)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
(LOUD CREAK)
(DOORS CREAKING)
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -WOMAN 1: Kitty, kitty, kitty.
WOMAN 2: Where's that kitty? Here, kitty, kitty.
WOMAN 3: Here, kitty, kitty.
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
WOMAN 1: Kitty, kitty, kitty. WOMAN 2: Well, where's that kitty?
WOMAN 3: There you are, my kitty cat.
WOMAN 1: Oh, I saw him first, hand him over.
WOMAN 2: Give me that... WOMAN 1: Oh, you're so cute.
(WHISTLES)
WOMAN 1: Come here to Granny.
(CLEARS THROAT)
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
-WOMAN 1: Ew... -(WOMEN GASP)
WOMAN 2: Ooh...
(DOG BARKING)
NARRATOR: There it was.
The ferocious loud mouth banshee
that had terrorized the peace of the entire city.
Aw... Who am I kidding? Could you stay mad at that?
Her name was Stardust.
Hello, there. (BARKING)
Have you seen my Pilly Willy anywhere?
Ever since I lost it, I'm so anxious, all I can do is bark.
Please tell me you found my Pilly Willy.
My Pilly Willy is my little pillow.
I've had it ever since I was a puppy.
I don't know what I'll do if I can't find it, except...
(BARKING)
NARRATOR: Well, this case wasn't going to be easy to crack.
Fortunately, our hero Tom has a perfectly humane and sensible way
to remedy this situation.
(MUFFLED BARKING)
ANNOUNCER: (ON TV) Are you looking for pillows?
Well, we got pillows.
At 24/7 Pillow Mart.
The widest selection. A pillow for every occasion.
What are you waiting for? We never close.
Located conveniently next to Grandma's Arms. Home for Old Folks & Their Pets.
NARRATOR: Well, with over a million pillows in stock...
-(FEET SKIDDING) -This should be a snap.
Ooh, a guard dog to keep pets out
could be the fly in this ointment.
(SNARLING)
(GROWLS AND BARKS)
(GASPS AND SCREAMS)
(DOG BARKING)
(TOM PURRING)
Sorry, fellas, tried to tell you... (BARKING)
It's the only one of its kind in the whole world. (BARKS)
NARRATOR: So it looked like they would have to solve this the old fashioned way.
Okay, I'm sure I lost it on my walk a few days ago.
The dog walking service takes me out twice a week
on a nice long walk so I can check my p-mail.
(SNIFFING) Oh, boy.
Spike needs to knock off the pineapple juice.
Huh. Nothing here. Let's keep going.
NARRATOR: With all this territory to cover,
this was looking to be harder than finding a needle in a haystack.
Meanwhile, Jerry was quizzing the usual suspects.
Yeah, as a matter of fact,
I did see that Pilly Willy thing.
Uh, let me show you where.
See, uh, I was really hungry and I ate it.
All accidental like.
(GULPS)
(DRUMMING)
(TEETH SHATTERS)
(BIRDS CHIRP)
(SIGHS) It just ain't my night.
(BARKING)
WOMAN: What in the world?
I will thank you to keep your paws away from that carriage,
you mangy disgusting animal.
-NARRATOR: Finally a break in the case. -(WHISTLES)
A feather, the very kind they use in pillows.
(GASPS) That's got to be from my Pilly Willy.
NARRATOR: And where there's one feather, there's usually more.
The evidence was mounting.
Those pillow feathers were leading them straight
to the last known resting place
of Stardust's Pilly Willy.
(RAPID BREATHING)
-(CLATTERING) -(CLUCKING)
-(CLATTERING)
(BARKING)
NARRATOR: They'd been up all night and they hadn't found
so much as a sign.
-Well, okay, that one, it's more of a poster, really. -(WHISTLES)
Hey, that's me.
(GASPS) And Pilly Willy. But I'm not a lost dog.
"If found, please return to Grandma's Arms.
"Home for Old Folks & Their Pets.
"Apartment 568."
Wait a minute, I think that dog walker dropped me off
at the wrong apartment.
Yep. Well, that's probably where
my Pilly Willy is right now.
Simple mistake, really.
You've seen one old folk's apartment,
you've seem 'em all. (CHUCKLES)
Pilly Willy, here I come.
(STARDUST PANTING)
Pilly Willy, oh, how I missed you.
My wonderful Pilly Willy, silly, really...
How can I ever thank you guys?
-(SNORING) -Guys?
NARRATOR: Well, in a city that never sleeps,
sometimes a little nap is the best reward of all.