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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
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NARRATOR: It had been
a tough week for the
cat and mouse detectives.
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(BOTH SNORING)
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(DOG BARKING)
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(SWITCH CLICKS)
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MAN: Oh, not again. (GROANS)
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NARRATOR: Suddenly
the concrete poetry of
the city at night was...
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(IN LOUD TONE)
I said, suddenly the concrete
poetry of the city...
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-(DOGS CONTINUES BARKING)
-(GRUNTS) What's the use?
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(CLICKS)
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(WHIRRING)
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MAN: (OVER RADIO) And now
your mid-night symphony.
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(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)
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(DOGS CONTINUE BARKING)
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(MUSIC CONTINUES)
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(RADIO VOLUME INCREASES)
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MAN: (OVER RADIO)
For the love of Pete,
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somebody shut
that rotten dog up.
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(GAGGING)
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NARRATOR: A bird in the hand
is one thing
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but a pigeon in the esophagus
is just plain gross.
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(SNEEZES)
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It was Crooked Eddie.
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Everybody's favorite
stool pigeon.
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-(TWITCHING)
-He was even twitchier
than usual.
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(STAMMERING) Sorry, pal,
I'm sleep deprived.
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(COOING) Nobody sleeps
with that racket.
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(GASPING AND COOING)
I've been trying
to track it down.
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But I'm so tired,
my navigation's a little off.
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(TWITCHING AND COOING)
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(CLATTERS)
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See what I mean?
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NARRATOR: The good news was
that Eddie had scouted out
a good chunk of town
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and that ruled out at least
a few neighborhoods.
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By careful forensic expertise,
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the cat and mouse detectives
were able to narrow
things down.
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(NARRATOR READING)
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Doesn't sound scary, does it?
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(FOOTSTEPS SQUEAKING SOFTLY)
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(ELEVATOR DINGS)
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(LOUD CREAK)
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(DOORS CREAKING)
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-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-WOMAN 1: Kitty, kitty, kitty.
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WOMAN 2: Where's that kitty?
Here, kitty, kitty.
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WOMAN 3: Here, kitty, kitty.
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(ELEVATOR DINGS)
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WOMAN 1: Kitty, kitty, kitty.
WOMAN 2: Well,
where's that kitty?
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WOMAN 3: There you are,
my kitty cat.
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WOMAN 1: Oh, I saw him first,
hand him over.
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WOMAN 2: Give me that...
WOMAN 1: Oh, you're so cute.
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(WHISTLES)
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WOMAN 1: Come here to Granny.
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(CLEARS THROAT)
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(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
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-WOMAN 1: Ew...
-(WOMEN GASP)
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WOMAN 2: Ooh...
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(DOG BARKING)
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NARRATOR: There it was.
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The ferocious
loud mouth banshee
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that had terrorized
the peace of the entire city.
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Aw... Who am I kidding?
Could you stay mad at that?
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Her name was Stardust.
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Hello, there.
(BARKING)
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Have you seen
my Pilly Willy anywhere?
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Ever since I lost it,
I'm so anxious,
all I can do is bark.
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Please tell me
you found my Pilly Willy.
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My Pilly Willy
is my little pillow.
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I've had it
ever since I was a puppy.
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I don't know what I'll do
if I can't find it, except...
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(BARKING)
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NARRATOR: Well, this case
wasn't going to be
easy to crack.
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Fortunately, our hero Tom
has a perfectly humane
and sensible way
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to remedy this situation.
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(MUFFLED BARKING)
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ANNOUNCER: (ON TV)
Are you looking for pillows?
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Well, we got pillows.
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At 24/7 Pillow Mart.
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The widest selection.
A pillow for every occasion.
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What are you waiting for?
We never close.
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Located conveniently next to
Grandma's Arms. Home for
Old Folks & Their Pets.
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NARRATOR: Well, with over
a million pillows in stock...
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-(FEET SKIDDING)
-This should be a snap.
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Ooh, a guard dog
to keep pets out
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could be the fly
in this ointment.
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(SNARLING)
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(SNARLING)
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(GROWLS AND BARKS)
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(GASPS AND SCREAMS)
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(DOG BARKING)
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(TOM PURRING)
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Sorry, fellas,
tried to tell you...
(BARKING)
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It's the only one of its kind
in the whole world.
(BARKS)
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NARRATOR: So it looked like
they would have to solve this
the old fashioned way.
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Okay, I'm sure I lost it
on my walk a few days ago.
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The dog walking service
takes me out twice a week
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on a nice long walk
so I can check my p-mail.
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(SNIFFING) Oh, boy.
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Spike needs to knock off
the pineapple juice.
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Huh. Nothing here.
Let's keep going.
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NARRATOR: With all this
territory to cover,
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this was looking to be harder
than finding a needle
in a haystack.
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Meanwhile, Jerry was quizzing
the usual suspects.
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Yeah, as a matter of fact,
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I did see
that Pilly Willy thing.
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Uh, let me show you where.
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See, uh, I was really hungry
and I ate it.
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All accidental like.
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(GULPS)
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(DRUMMING)
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(TEETH SHATTERS)
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(BIRDS CHIRP)
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(SIGHS)
It just ain't my night.
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(BARKING)
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WOMAN: What in the world?
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I will thank you to keep your
paws away from that carriage,
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you mangy disgusting animal.
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-NARRATOR: Finally a break
in the case.
-(WHISTLES)
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A feather, the very kind
they use in pillows.
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(GASPS) That's got to be
from my Pilly Willy.
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NARRATOR: And where
there's one feather,
there's usually more.
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The evidence was mounting.
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Those pillow feathers were
leading them straight
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to the last known
resting place
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of Stardust's Pilly Willy.
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(RAPID BREATHING)
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-(CLATTERING)
-(CLUCKING)
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-(CLUCKING)
-(CLATTERING)
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(BARKING)
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NARRATOR:
They'd been up all night
and they hadn't found
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so much as a sign.
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-Well, okay, that one,
it's more of a poster, really.
-(WHISTLES)
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Hey, that's me.
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(GASPS) And Pilly Willy.
But I'm not a lost dog.
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"If found, please return to
Grandma's Arms.
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"Home for Old Folks
& Their Pets.
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"Apartment 568."
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Wait a minute, I think
that dog walker dropped me off
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at the wrong apartment.
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Yep. Well, that's
probably where
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my Pilly Willy is right now.
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Simple mistake, really.
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You've seen
one old folk's apartment,
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you've seem 'em all.
(CHUCKLES)
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Pilly Willy, here I come.
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(STARDUST PANTING)
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Pilly Willy,
oh, how I missed you.
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My wonderful Pilly Willy,
silly, really...
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How can I ever thank you guys?
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-(SNORING)
-Guys?
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NARRATOR: Well, in a city
that never sleeps,
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sometimes a little nap
is the best reward of all.