1 00:00:01,436 --> 00:00:02,654 ♪♪ 2 00:00:02,785 --> 00:00:05,092 As you all know, I have recently enrolled 3 00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:06,789 in Orlando State University's 4 00:00:06,919 --> 00:00:10,358 prestigious school administration program. 5 00:00:12,229 --> 00:00:13,535 I was holding for applause. 6 00:00:13,665 --> 00:00:15,798 [applause] 7 00:00:15,928 --> 00:00:18,496 Thank you, thank you. You're too kind. 8 00:00:18,627 --> 00:00:21,151 It's time this bird flew back to school 9 00:00:21,282 --> 00:00:24,111 to become the teacher-boss she was always meant to be. 10 00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:26,026 I won't be around as much, but don't worry. 11 00:00:26,156 --> 00:00:28,724 I will be leaving you in very capable hands. 12 00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:32,032 Everybody, please give your full attention and respect 13 00:00:32,162 --> 00:00:33,250 to... 14 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:34,686 Evan. 15 00:00:34,817 --> 00:00:37,254 ♪♪ 16 00:00:37,385 --> 00:00:39,561 Thank you. It's an honor. 17 00:00:39,691 --> 00:00:41,128 Evan's in charge? But what about Dad? 18 00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:42,346 Oh, well, I can't be in charge 19 00:00:42,477 --> 00:00:44,174 'cause I'm too busy running the restaurant. 20 00:00:44,305 --> 00:00:46,263 Yes, that's exactly it. 21 00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:49,832 I have appointed Evan to the position of Vice Mommy. 22 00:00:49,962 --> 00:00:52,139 Vice Mommy? Sounds like a made-up job. 23 00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:54,837 Well, "Emery" sounds like a made-up name, so... 24 00:00:54,967 --> 00:00:56,404 [chuckles] 25 00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:59,102 Vice Mommy, the floor is yours. 26 00:00:59,233 --> 00:01:03,193 ♪♪ 27 00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:06,022 I want to work withyou, not atyou, 28 00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:07,763 so, please, for the love of God, 29 00:01:07,893 --> 00:01:09,156 work withme. 30 00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:12,333 I don't hear applause. 31 00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:16,598 [applause] 32 00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:18,774 ♪♪ 33 00:01:18,904 --> 00:01:20,167 ♪ Fresh off the boat♪ 34 00:01:20,297 --> 00:01:21,820 ♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go♪ 35 00:01:21,951 --> 00:01:23,953 ♪ If you don't know, homey, now you know♪ 36 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,128 ♪ Fresh off the boat♪ 37 00:01:25,259 --> 00:01:27,826 ♪ Homey, you don't know where I come from♪ 38 00:01:27,957 --> 00:01:29,176 ♪ But I know where I'm goin'♪ 39 00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:30,177 ♪ I'm fresh off the boat♪ 40 00:01:30,307 --> 00:01:33,267 ♪♪ 41 00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:36,531 There's a cookie in here with your name on it, 42 00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:38,750 but promise me you'll eat your carrots first. 43 00:01:38,881 --> 00:01:39,969 Yes, Vice Mommy. 44 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,231 [rustling, zipper closes] 45 00:01:41,362 --> 00:01:42,972 Wait, did you -- 46 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,800 Hide Dad's purple tie so he doesn't waste 15 minutes 47 00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:45,844 debating if he can pull it off? 48 00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:46,845 Yes. 49 00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:48,108 Good. Did you -- 50 00:01:48,238 --> 00:01:49,109 Clean the hair out of the drain 51 00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:51,285 so Emery doesn't think it's a shower rat? 52 00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:52,764 No. He needs to learn. 53 00:01:52,895 --> 00:01:53,809 Yes. 54 00:01:53,939 --> 00:01:55,158 He must be braver. 55 00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:57,813 [sighs] I guess I'm just nervous. 56 00:01:57,943 --> 00:02:00,772 As the roaring engine of the Huang family machine, 57 00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:03,601 I'm afraid things will fall apart without me. 58 00:02:03,732 --> 00:02:05,603 Maybe I should just stay home, 59 00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:07,301 put school off for another year... 60 00:02:07,431 --> 00:02:08,302 or 10. 61 00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:10,086 Woman! That's crazy talk! 62 00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:11,609 This is your dream! 63 00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:13,611 I know, but what if Eddie forgets to pack for Taiwan 64 00:02:13,742 --> 00:02:15,396 or Grandma succeeds in throwing that party 65 00:02:15,526 --> 00:02:17,180 she's been threatening to throw for two years? 66 00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:19,313 Relax. I've got you covered. 67 00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:21,271 I've even scheduled Vice Mommy Reports, 68 00:02:21,402 --> 00:02:23,230 or "VMRs." 69 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,841 Each night, we'll decompress over a game of Scrabble, 70 00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:28,148 and I'll fill you in on news from the home front. 71 00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:29,410 Sounds good. 72 00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:31,238 Sprinkle in some current events, too. 73 00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:32,500 I like to be informed. 74 00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:34,066 Come on. You'll miss the bus. 75 00:02:34,197 --> 00:02:35,416 I'm driving. 76 00:02:35,546 --> 00:02:37,374 They grow up so fast. 77 00:02:37,505 --> 00:02:39,333 Thank you, Evan. 78 00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:41,335 I don't know what I'd do without you. 79 00:02:41,465 --> 00:02:42,336 [door opens, closes] 80 00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:43,424 Don't even think about it. 81 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,863 [sighs] Why are you such a bummer? 82 00:02:47,993 --> 00:02:49,647 Because things are changing around here. 83 00:02:49,778 --> 00:02:51,171 A lesser boy may be worried 84 00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:53,651 about losing his mommy to school, but not me. 85 00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:55,958 I'm gonna make sure everything runs perfectly 86 00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:58,526 so that Mommy will have more than enough time for me. 87 00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:01,703 [speaking Chinese] 88 00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:02,965 I'll take that as a compliment. 89 00:03:03,095 --> 00:03:04,271 Now, please, 90 00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:06,273 turn around and count to 30 so I can hide the phone. 91 00:03:06,403 --> 00:03:07,926 [button clacks] 92 00:03:08,057 --> 00:03:10,190 [whirring] 93 00:03:11,887 --> 00:03:13,105 TRENT: Hey, delivery boy, 94 00:03:13,236 --> 00:03:15,325 these guys may look like regular cans, 95 00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:16,326 but they're all secretly wallets. 96 00:03:16,457 --> 00:03:17,980 You can borrow 'em for your trip. 97 00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:19,721 Oh, thanks! 98 00:03:19,851 --> 00:03:22,071 But I'll respectfully pass on "Sensitive Skin" here. 99 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,421 Don't want thieves thinking I can't handle a normal shave. 100 00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:25,727 Oh, man. 101 00:03:25,857 --> 00:03:28,469 I can't believe you're travelingabroad, all by yourself. 102 00:03:28,599 --> 00:03:30,862 Yeah, I'm pretty stoked for this cultural exchange program. 103 00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:32,386 I feel worldly and mature, 104 00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:34,301 like I just tried sushi for the first time. 105 00:03:34,431 --> 00:03:35,476 And you're not freaked out at all? 106 00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:37,173 Taiwan's pretty far away. 107 00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:38,522 Like, farther than England. 108 00:03:38,653 --> 00:03:40,132 The only thing I'm nervous about 109 00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:42,396 is asking Tinato be my girlfriend before I go. 110 00:03:42,526 --> 00:03:44,224 She challenged me to improve myself, 111 00:03:44,354 --> 00:03:45,529 and I think I have. 112 00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:47,227 I noticed you've been carrying around a hanky. 113 00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:49,011 Oh, my gentleman's napkin? 114 00:03:49,141 --> 00:03:50,099 Yeah. 115 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,361 I think I'm ready to ask her out. 116 00:03:51,492 --> 00:03:52,580 I'd say so. 117 00:03:52,710 --> 00:03:53,885 You and my sister going steady -- 118 00:03:54,016 --> 00:03:54,930 how thrilling. 119 00:03:55,104 --> 00:03:56,801 Have you picked out the pin? Can I see? 120 00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:58,673 -The pin? -To make it official, 121 00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:00,196 my dad says you have to offer up a pin. 122 00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:01,589 I keep one on me at all times. 123 00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:03,939 Oh, crap. 124 00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:06,420 Is this another one of the old man's antiquated customs? 125 00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:07,464 Until last year, I thought 126 00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:09,466 every family practiced hiding underground 127 00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:11,468 in case the Ruskis get any ideas. 128 00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:12,687 [triangle clanging] 129 00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:16,386 Gather 'round, Cattlemen and women! 130 00:04:16,517 --> 00:04:18,736 It is that time of the month. 131 00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:20,738 Uh, I mean,it's Employee of the Month time. 132 00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:21,913 [chuckles] 133 00:04:22,044 --> 00:04:24,307 Now, the winner of this month's award 134 00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:26,396 is clearly driven. 135 00:04:27,136 --> 00:04:29,356 He's had this in the bag. 136 00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:31,532 He never phones it in, 137 00:04:31,662 --> 00:04:34,622 but you can always count on him to deliver. 138 00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:36,580 [chuckles] I wonder who it is! 139 00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:37,973 The winner is... 140 00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:39,801 my baby boy... 141 00:04:39,931 --> 00:04:40,802 Who is it? 142 00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:42,369 You still don't get it? 143 00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:45,328 ...Eddie! [chuckles] 144 00:04:46,634 --> 00:04:48,375 Huh. Must be nice to be the boss' son. 145 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,595 Uh, Dad, thanks, but I don't want you 146 00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:53,945 to give me special treatment just because I'm your son. 147 00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:55,295 No, there's no special treatment. 148 00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:56,948 You earned this fair and square. 149 00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:58,602 [baby-talking] I can't help it if my little boy 150 00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:01,257 is killing it at his big, grown-up job! 151 00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:03,172 [chuckles] 152 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:06,044 Wow, our first Asian Employee of the Month. 153 00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:07,307 What took so long, Louis? 154 00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:09,309 [grunts] Sat on my pin! 155 00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:11,746 Don't you dare tell anyone I'm dating my butt. 156 00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:19,275 I'm adding an "I-V-E." 157 00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:20,363 "Productive"! 158 00:05:20,494 --> 00:05:22,365 Which is what I've been while you were at school. 159 00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:25,499 Is this really your best work? 160 00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:26,543 Yeah. 161 00:05:26,674 --> 00:05:28,110 Okay. 162 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,068 If you think it's your best work, then I believe you. 163 00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:35,683 ♪♪ 164 00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:38,555 Mm. These definitely aren't worker hands. 165 00:05:38,686 --> 00:05:39,861 Smooth as the city. 166 00:05:40,818 --> 00:05:42,385 Sorry. It's what Mommy would say. 167 00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:46,258 So, uh, a li'l birdie told me 168 00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:47,869 you were making it official with Tina. 169 00:05:47,999 --> 00:05:48,870 Let me guess. 170 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,437 Is this li'l birdie dating his own butt? 171 00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:52,308 Ah, ah, ah! 172 00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:54,658 Personal conversations afterchores. 173 00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,316 Pretty good job, right? 174 00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:02,797 Mommy? 175 00:06:02,927 --> 00:06:04,146 This is ourtime. 176 00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:06,627 I'm totally listening. What's up? 177 00:06:06,757 --> 00:06:07,715 Something wrong? 178 00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:10,021 You played "sad"and didn't make anything plural. 179 00:06:10,152 --> 00:06:11,893 I'm thinking about school. 180 00:06:12,023 --> 00:06:14,069 Oh. I see. 181 00:06:14,199 --> 00:06:16,593 I got a B on my first assignment. 182 00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:18,595 Not you! You're an A-plus Mommy! 183 00:06:18,726 --> 00:06:19,596 How did this happen?! 184 00:06:19,727 --> 00:06:21,076 I don't know! 185 00:06:21,206 --> 00:06:23,295 I'm doing my best, and the professor loves me. 186 00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:24,862 I mean, can you blame her? 187 00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:27,038 Well, what can I do to help? 188 00:06:27,169 --> 00:06:28,518 I am your Vice Mommy, after all. 189 00:06:28,649 --> 00:06:30,390 And you're doing a great job. 190 00:06:31,303 --> 00:06:33,088 I'm sure I'll figure it out. 191 00:06:33,218 --> 00:06:35,046 I think I'm gonna turn in. 192 00:06:35,177 --> 00:06:36,439 We'll just call this a tie. 193 00:06:38,876 --> 00:06:40,400 A tie? 194 00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:42,489 [whirring] 195 00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:45,361 So, I don't need a big party. 196 00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:48,408 What if I invite, like, oh, four friends over? 197 00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:49,452 We stay in my room. 198 00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:51,193 My friends are cool. 199 00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:52,412 We'll keep it chill. 200 00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:53,630 Not now. 201 00:06:53,761 --> 00:06:54,501 I'm losing Mommy time 202 00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:56,503 because she's not doing well in school. 203 00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:57,852 I wish she would just let me help. 204 00:06:57,982 --> 00:06:59,767 You? Help? 205 00:06:59,897 --> 00:07:01,638 [laughs] What you going to do, huh? 206 00:07:01,769 --> 00:07:03,945 Stow away in her backpack? 207 00:07:04,075 --> 00:07:06,600 [laughs] 208 00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:09,211 Ah. Toasted. 209 00:07:09,341 --> 00:07:10,908 [laughs] 210 00:07:11,039 --> 00:07:13,563 [door opens, closes] 211 00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:14,912 Big tips tonight. Look close. 212 00:07:15,043 --> 00:07:16,348 You might even see a Lincoln. 213 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,438 What the hell? 214 00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:21,658 TRENT: Whew! Quite a load. 215 00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,530 You got your nickel's worth out of that diaper. 216 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,140 The whole staff signed it to wish you a good trip! 217 00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:26,141 Do you like it? 218 00:07:26,271 --> 00:07:27,621 No! I hate it! 219 00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:29,187 I-I'm not wearing pants in some of these. 220 00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:31,146 Oh, come on. You're adorable! 221 00:07:31,276 --> 00:07:33,104 Look at those tender baby-boy thighs. 222 00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:34,758 Don't call me "baby boy"! 223 00:07:34,889 --> 00:07:36,194 Chad can totally hear us. 224 00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:40,547 Just look busy, like you can't even hear. 225 00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:42,592 Listen, you're doing so great at work, 226 00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:44,725 and you're about to travel abroad all alone. 227 00:07:44,855 --> 00:07:46,161 I can't help but be proud. 228 00:07:46,291 --> 00:07:47,379 Fine, but that doesn't mean 229 00:07:47,510 --> 00:07:49,469 you need to broadcast your feelings at work. 230 00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:52,559 Just... act like my boss, please. 231 00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:54,604 I'm nothing if not boss-like. 232 00:07:54,735 --> 00:07:55,910 Well, most bosses don't have access 233 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:57,477 to their employees' baby pictures. 234 00:07:57,607 --> 00:08:00,523 Please, just leave your dad hat at home. 235 00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:03,570 [sighs] No more special treatment. 236 00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:06,486 I'm your employee here. That's it. 237 00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:10,054 But you bought me Springsteen tickets for Father's Day! 238 00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:11,621 The Boss on Father's Day? 239 00:08:11,752 --> 00:08:13,231 You startedthis confusion! 240 00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:15,233 If we're changing our Employee of the Month photos, 241 00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:17,409 I'd love to use one where my eyes aren't so open. 242 00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:22,371 I'd also love a few weeks so I can get a tan. 243 00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:25,592 ♪♪ 244 00:08:25,722 --> 00:08:28,508 Just so you know, none of these are plastic. 245 00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:29,509 Thank you, Jessica. 246 00:08:29,639 --> 00:08:30,814 With this harvest, 247 00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:32,642 I won't have to visit the doctorfor at least a month. 248 00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:34,731 [forced laughter] 249 00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:36,298 Oh, that's a very good joke, Professor. 250 00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:38,039 Ah. 251 00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:41,433 Let's remember this happy feeling always. 252 00:08:41,564 --> 00:08:43,000 You know, especially come grading time. 253 00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:45,307 [chuckles] 254 00:08:48,179 --> 00:08:49,659 EVAN: 'Scuse me. 255 00:08:49,790 --> 00:08:50,747 Is this seat taken? 256 00:08:50,878 --> 00:08:51,748 Evan? 257 00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:52,749 That's right. 258 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,490 There's a new big man on campus, 259 00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:55,883 and he's little. 260 00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:02,803 Evan, this is grown-up school. 261 00:09:02,933 --> 00:09:04,195 Kids aren't allowed here. 262 00:09:04,326 --> 00:09:05,632 It's okay. I'm only here to help. 263 00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:06,981 I'm an excellent student. 264 00:09:07,111 --> 00:09:08,548 Is this a friend of yours? 265 00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:11,551 [forced laughter]Each joke funnier than the last. 266 00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:13,770 -Mm. -Evan Huang. 267 00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,642 Believe it or not, this young lady right here 268 00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:16,643 is my mother. 269 00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:18,253 Good genes. What can I say? 270 00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:22,692 Sorry to impose, but we had some childcare issues. 271 00:09:22,823 --> 00:09:24,651 It's so hard to find good help these days. 272 00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:25,739 Isn't it, though? 273 00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:27,349 Is it all right if I stay? 274 00:09:27,479 --> 00:09:29,046 I have some...coloring to catch up on. 275 00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:30,352 You won't even know I'm here. 276 00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:32,136 I don't see why not. 277 00:09:32,267 --> 00:09:33,703 [chuckles] 278 00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:35,096 [sighs] 279 00:09:40,014 --> 00:09:42,494 I'm afraid my class load is far too great 280 00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:44,322 for me to hold office hours. 281 00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:48,065 Instead, uh, you all know my T.A., Burt Palouska. 282 00:09:48,196 --> 00:09:50,590 "Professor too busy. 283 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,157 Needs help from Burt Papusa." 284 00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:55,377 Burt is more than willing to help. 285 00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:58,162 He is going to pass out a sign-up sheet right now. 286 00:09:58,293 --> 00:10:00,948 A little bit about me -- my full name is Ferburt. 287 00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:02,732 I am nota family man. 288 00:10:02,863 --> 00:10:03,733 I do have s-- 289 00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:05,082 Burt, the sign-up sheet. 290 00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:06,301 Oh. Right. 291 00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:10,740 Oh, no, thanks. You're not the real teacher. 292 00:10:11,915 --> 00:10:13,177 Oh. 293 00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:17,791 Bingo. 294 00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:22,143 ♪♪ 295 00:10:22,273 --> 00:10:24,754 I didn't realize this trip required so much shaving. 296 00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:26,930 Oh, my travel cans? They're all secretly wallets. 297 00:10:27,061 --> 00:10:28,323 I stored all my money in them. 298 00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:32,588 Emery, you're supposedly good with ladies, right? 299 00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:33,676 This is supposedly true. 300 00:10:33,807 --> 00:10:35,069 Well, let me ask you. 301 00:10:35,199 --> 00:10:36,157 If I wanted to impress Tina, 302 00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:37,288 would cooking her a romantic dinner 303 00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:38,289 be a good idea? 304 00:10:38,420 --> 00:10:39,595 That's a greatidea. 305 00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:41,771 She'll melt just like butter on top of... 306 00:10:41,902 --> 00:10:42,685 some hot food. 307 00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:43,730 [chuckles] 308 00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:45,035 LOUIS: You know, the person 309 00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:46,646 you shouldbe thinking about is your boss. 310 00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:48,430 Have you told him about your trip? 311 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:49,605 Dad, you know about my trip. 312 00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:51,781 Oh, yes, Iknow about your trip, 313 00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:53,130 but your bossdoesn't. 314 00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:54,349 I'm lost. 315 00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:56,743 Did a famous musician take over Cattleman's again? 316 00:10:56,873 --> 00:10:59,963 Well, since we're at home, I have my dad hat on. 317 00:11:00,094 --> 00:11:02,574 Allow me to give you some fatherly advice. 318 00:11:02,705 --> 00:11:04,185 Whenever you take a trip, 319 00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:05,969 you always need to check in at work, 320 00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:08,668 fill out the proper time-off forms, et cetera. 321 00:11:08,798 --> 00:11:09,799 For real? 322 00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:10,757 For real. 323 00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:13,455 You said you didn't want any special treatment. 324 00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:16,980 Ew. All your money's wet. 325 00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:20,984 Wow. College is like the Wild, Wild West. 326 00:11:21,115 --> 00:11:23,378 People coming and going without bathroom passes. 327 00:11:23,508 --> 00:11:24,901 Somebody had a computer. 328 00:11:25,032 --> 00:11:26,686 There was a girl who could sit on her own hair. 329 00:11:26,816 --> 00:11:28,252 Ugh. Denise. 330 00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:30,602 When she buns it up, I can't see the board. 331 00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:32,735 Well, it was so great spending the day together. 332 00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:34,824 And also, I figured out your problem. 333 00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:35,912 It's Burt. 334 00:11:36,043 --> 00:11:37,261 What's Burt? 335 00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:38,219 The T.A. 336 00:11:38,349 --> 00:11:39,655 He holds the key to your A. 337 00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:41,613 Guy who turns on the projector? 338 00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:42,789 Yeah. 339 00:11:42,919 --> 00:11:44,486 He's also the one who grades the papers 340 00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:45,922 and does all the grunt work 341 00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:47,663 while the professor soaks in all the glory. 342 00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,621 He's the wind beneath her wings. 343 00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:50,622 Exactly. 344 00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:52,233 So you need to win him over. 345 00:11:52,363 --> 00:11:54,975 Go to his office hours. Invite him over here to dinner. 346 00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:57,194 And together, we'll charm him all the way to A-Plus Town. 347 00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:58,630 Or, better yet -- 348 00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:00,676 -A-Plus City. -Mm. 349 00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,809 It's like a town, but with more people and more crime. 350 00:12:05,507 --> 00:12:07,683 There comes a time in every young man's life 351 00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:09,424 when he's faced with the question -- 352 00:12:09,554 --> 00:12:11,774 are you gonna beat this duck à l'orange recipe, 353 00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:14,821 or are you gonna let thisduck à l'orange recipe beat you? 354 00:12:14,951 --> 00:12:16,083 Scoot over, li'l bro. 355 00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:17,824 I gotta cook for my would-be lady before I leave. 356 00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:19,216 Work my culinary magic. 357 00:12:19,347 --> 00:12:20,435 Sorry, can't. 358 00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,480 I need the kitchen so I can dazzle Burt Papusa. 359 00:12:22,611 --> 00:12:23,873 Who the hell is Burt Papusa? 360 00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:26,615 I don't have time to explain who everyone is to you! 361 00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:29,270 If you look at the family schedule, 362 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,054 you'll see that I have reserved the kitchen. 363 00:12:31,185 --> 00:12:34,405 As Vice Mommy, I'm gonna have to insist that you leave. 364 00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:36,277 You're gonna have to find another kitchen 365 00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:37,757 for your little flirt fest. 366 00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,628 What is going on in this house? 367 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:40,977 You're the mom, Dad's the boss, 368 00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:43,675 and Grandma asked me to drive her to get a keg. 369 00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:44,981 Please tell me you didn't. 370 00:12:45,112 --> 00:12:47,288 Relax. She refused to put a deposit down on the tap, 371 00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:48,768 so we just turned around. 372 00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:50,030 [sighs] 373 00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:53,773 Damn, girl! You finished that whole steak! 374 00:12:55,122 --> 00:12:56,906 EDDIE [thinking]: What was that? Come on, Huang! 375 00:12:57,037 --> 00:12:58,125 You're trying to ask this girl out! 376 00:12:58,255 --> 00:12:59,866 I'm just messing with you. 377 00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:01,041 [laughs] 378 00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:02,912 You're damn right I ate that whole steak! 379 00:13:03,043 --> 00:13:04,871 I always finish what I start. 380 00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:05,872 I'm not afraid of commitment. 381 00:13:06,002 --> 00:13:07,656 EDDIE: Oh, man, she's giving you nothing. 382 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,310 You're just gonna have to go for it. 383 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,094 Um, look, Tina. 384 00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:13,749 I have something I want to ask. 385 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,011 What's all this? 386 00:13:15,142 --> 00:13:16,839 Hey, Mr. Huang. 387 00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:18,536 Tina, always a pleasure. 388 00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:20,582 Ooh, clean plate club. Nice. [chuckles] 389 00:13:20,712 --> 00:13:21,844 Eddie, a word, please? 390 00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:25,674 Dad, you just interrupted my romantic moment. 391 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,024 Look, no one wants you and Tina together more than me, 392 00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:30,070 but you used the work kitchen without permission. 393 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,594 If you were any other employee, you'd be fired. 394 00:13:32,724 --> 00:13:35,031 See, Evan kicked me out, so I had to find another -- 395 00:13:35,162 --> 00:13:36,032 Stop right there. 396 00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:37,729 We're at work. I have my boss hat on. 397 00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:40,036 I can't get in the middle of your family drama. 398 00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:41,255 Come on, Dad. You're taking this too far. 399 00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:43,039 You're the one who wanted to draw these lines, 400 00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:44,911 but only when it was convenient for you. 401 00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:46,826 Clean the kitchen -- now! 402 00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:48,740 I should let you get back to work. 403 00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:50,960 Um, I'll walk you out. 404 00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:52,832 It's fine. Do your thing. 405 00:13:52,962 --> 00:13:54,834 I'll see you later, okay? 406 00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:58,098 ♪♪ 407 00:13:58,228 --> 00:14:00,056 Thanks a lot, boss. 408 00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:05,845 ♪♪ 409 00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:08,848 It was worth the battle 410 00:14:08,978 --> 00:14:11,111 to get Mommy to buy these butter knives. 411 00:14:11,241 --> 00:14:13,113 [door opens] 412 00:14:13,243 --> 00:14:15,071 Evan, your plan worked. 413 00:14:15,202 --> 00:14:15,942 Oh, it did? 414 00:14:16,072 --> 00:14:17,334 What a surprise! 415 00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:19,989 Burt was thrilled that I attended his office hours. 416 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,948 Yes. I love it. 417 00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:24,385 Where is that son of a gun? My duck's getting cold. 418 00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:26,082 Oh, change of plans. 419 00:14:26,213 --> 00:14:28,345 Burt invited me to join his study group 420 00:14:28,476 --> 00:14:29,433 that meets tonight! 421 00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,131 So, he's not coming for dinner? 422 00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:32,393 No. 423 00:14:32,523 --> 00:14:34,177 But the duck looks great, though. 424 00:14:34,308 --> 00:14:36,092 You keep cooking like this for the family, 425 00:14:36,223 --> 00:14:38,007 you're gonna make me look bad. 426 00:14:38,138 --> 00:14:39,661 Wait! 427 00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:41,576 We still need to do our VMR. 428 00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:44,231 Oh, you don't have to do those for me anymore. 429 00:14:44,361 --> 00:14:46,102 I know you have everything under control. 430 00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:48,104 [door closes] 431 00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:49,889 Hey, Julia Child. 432 00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:52,239 I'm taking this guy back to my room. 433 00:14:56,852 --> 00:14:58,636 Maybe a fun party 434 00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:00,987 will turn your frown upside-down? 435 00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:03,337 [sighs] I can't believe my plan backfired. 436 00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:05,556 Instead of securing more time with Mommy, 437 00:15:05,687 --> 00:15:08,908 I've pushed her intothe waiting arms of Burt Papusa. 438 00:15:11,127 --> 00:15:13,477 Aren't you going to ask who Burt Papusa is? 439 00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:15,479 I assume he's a wrestler. 440 00:15:15,610 --> 00:15:17,133 Well, he's wrestled Mommy away from me. 441 00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:18,439 That's for sure. 442 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,963 As long as you'retaking care of everything here, 443 00:15:21,094 --> 00:15:25,489 she will be free to focus on wrestling her new friends. 444 00:15:29,145 --> 00:15:30,277 You're right! 445 00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:32,844 Maybe I've been going about thisthe wrong way. 446 00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:36,065 Maybe you and I can bothget what we want. 447 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,677 Listen, I'm not gonna tell you where the phone is, 448 00:15:39,808 --> 00:15:40,940 but I willtell you 449 00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:43,290 it's somewhere that rhymes with "coven." 450 00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:47,642 "Coven." 451 00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:49,861 Oh! 452 00:15:52,647 --> 00:15:54,954 Oven. It's in the oven. I hid the phone in the oven. 453 00:15:55,084 --> 00:15:57,086 [school bell rings] 454 00:15:57,217 --> 00:15:58,696 [indistinct conversations] 455 00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:00,960 Here's my leave-of-absence paperwork for Cattleman's. 456 00:16:01,090 --> 00:16:02,178 Dad said I should give it to you. 457 00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:03,266 Do we have to do this here? 458 00:16:03,397 --> 00:16:04,964 I like to keep work and school separate. 459 00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:06,182 Not you, too! 460 00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:07,967 Whoa! Easy, cowboy. 461 00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:09,446 Tell your old pal Trent what's wrong. 462 00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:11,274 I asked my dad to respect my boundaries, 463 00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:12,841 and now he's being a tyrant. 464 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,060 A tyrant? 465 00:16:14,451 --> 00:16:15,539 That doesn't sound like the Louis I know and love. 466 00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:16,627 Don't take his side! 467 00:16:16,758 --> 00:16:18,934 Oh, sorry. This is awkward for me. 468 00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:20,631 I'm really good friends with you both. 469 00:16:20,762 --> 00:16:22,633 You have to admit we wouldn't be in this fight 470 00:16:22,764 --> 00:16:24,896 if he didn't lay on the special treatment so thick. 471 00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:27,508 Eddie, you're not the only one who gets special treatment. 472 00:16:27,638 --> 00:16:29,466 Remember when I made the honor roll 473 00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:30,990 and he named that dessert after me? 474 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,252 Trent-a-misu? Yeah. 475 00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:33,862 And when Hector adopted that cat? 476 00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:37,300 ♪ Happy Meow Day to you♪ 477 00:16:37,474 --> 00:16:39,868 ♪ Happy Meow Day to you♪ 478 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,043 I didn't know you were in there! 479 00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:44,481 Your dad treats all his employees like family. 480 00:16:44,612 --> 00:16:45,961 I feel terrible. 481 00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:48,094 I just got so self-conscious when Hector said, 482 00:16:48,224 --> 00:16:49,791 "Must be nice to be the boss' son." 483 00:16:49,921 --> 00:16:51,140 Oh. He meant that literally. 484 00:16:51,271 --> 00:16:52,359 Don't feel bad. 485 00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:54,361 Hector's a puzzle I've been trying to solve for months. 486 00:16:54,491 --> 00:16:56,450 Wow. And you're really good at puzzles, too. 487 00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:57,799 I know! 488 00:16:57,929 --> 00:17:01,194 ♪ I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra, and Rita ♪ 489 00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,326 ♪ And as I continue, you know they getting sweeter ♪ 490 00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:06,547 ♪ So what can I do? I really beg you, my Lord ♪ 491 00:17:06,677 --> 00:17:09,724 ♪ To me, flirting is just like a sport ♪ 492 00:17:09,854 --> 00:17:11,552 What the hell is this? 493 00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:14,381 MTV Beach House? 494 00:17:14,511 --> 00:17:17,993 You guys know you can smoke in here, huh? 495 00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:19,212 I don't care. 496 00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:21,605 -I live in the garage! -[laughter] 497 00:17:21,736 --> 00:17:23,172 Jenny, I have told you a thousand times -- 498 00:17:23,303 --> 00:17:24,391 no parties! 499 00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:30,397 [speaking Chinese] 500 00:17:30,527 --> 00:17:32,486 I'll deal with you later. Where's Evan? 501 00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:34,488 EVAN: I'm over here. 502 00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:37,578 [sighs] 503 00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:39,058 Evan! 504 00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:40,537 You were supposed to be in charge. 505 00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:41,843 What happened? 506 00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:45,020 I tried to stop her, but I only have so much power. 507 00:17:45,151 --> 00:17:46,369 I'm just ViceMommy. 508 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:49,416 Don't you take that matronizing tone with me. 509 00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:52,767 Okay, party's over! 510 00:17:52,897 --> 00:17:54,073 Everybody out! 511 00:17:54,203 --> 00:17:57,424 [people groaning] 512 00:17:57,554 --> 00:17:59,078 Don't make me call your kids! 513 00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:01,036 ♪ Jump up and down, move it all... ♪ 514 00:18:02,342 --> 00:18:05,171 [triangle clanging] 515 00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:08,304 Cattlemen and women, gather 'round! 516 00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:10,741 Eddie, I don't remember giving you permission to ring Gertie. 517 00:18:10,872 --> 00:18:11,873 It'll be worth it. Trust me. 518 00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:14,310 I'd like to start by saying 519 00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,312 I had the Huangattitude about Employee of the Month. 520 00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:19,359 "Huang" is a substitute for "wrong." Nice wordplay. 521 00:18:19,489 --> 00:18:20,795 I would like to take this opportunity 522 00:18:20,925 --> 00:18:22,579 to formally apologize to a special someone. 523 00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:25,278 If he was a city, he'd be St. Louis. 524 00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:26,105 Is it me? 525 00:18:26,235 --> 00:18:27,584 Where are you going with this, Eddie? 526 00:18:27,715 --> 00:18:29,804 I'm sorry I was such a jerk before. 527 00:18:29,934 --> 00:18:31,414 You're not only the best dad in the world, 528 00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:32,981 you're also the best boss. 529 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,025 [chuckles] 530 00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:35,331 So, with your blessing, 531 00:18:35,462 --> 00:18:37,681 I would like to re-accept Employee of the Month, 532 00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:39,205 but under one condition. 533 00:18:40,075 --> 00:18:41,163 That you share it with me. 534 00:18:42,643 --> 00:18:44,862 [gasps] 535 00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:46,299 I'd be honored. 536 00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:50,694 [applause] 537 00:18:50,825 --> 00:18:53,349 Sorry I went overboard with the baby pictures. 538 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,482 I've just really enjoyed you working here, 539 00:18:55,612 --> 00:18:57,614 and I wanted to make sure you knew how I felt 540 00:18:57,745 --> 00:18:59,138 before you left for Taiwan. 541 00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:00,182 I alwaysknow how you feel, 542 00:19:00,313 --> 00:19:02,141 embarrassing special treatment or not. 543 00:19:02,271 --> 00:19:04,273 Well, shall we get back to it? 544 00:19:04,404 --> 00:19:05,796 Sure, but I have one more favor. 545 00:19:05,927 --> 00:19:07,624 I know we're at work, but can you put your dad hat 546 00:19:07,755 --> 00:19:09,278 back on long enough to give me advice about Tina? 547 00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:11,280 [sighs] 548 00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:13,369 Find me on your break. 549 00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:16,677 This is what happens when I'm away? 550 00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:18,026 Yes. 551 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,593 I guess you should just quit nowand come back home. 552 00:19:19,723 --> 00:19:21,595 You going back to school was a big mistake. 553 00:19:21,725 --> 00:19:24,946 No, my big mistake was giving you too much responsibility! 554 00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:26,426 Maybe I should put Emeryin charge. 555 00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:28,210 -He can't handle it! -I can't handle it. 556 00:19:28,341 --> 00:19:30,299 Hey, w-why not me? 557 00:19:31,431 --> 00:19:32,432 [sighs] 558 00:19:32,562 --> 00:19:34,085 It wasn't too much for me. 559 00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:35,826 I let Grandma have the party on purpose. 560 00:19:35,957 --> 00:19:37,132 What?! 561 00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:39,526 What is going on with you? Why would you do that? 562 00:19:39,656 --> 00:19:40,875 Because! 563 00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:43,269 You were obsessed with school, not to mention Burt. 564 00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:45,096 -Who's Burt? -Not now! 565 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:46,881 A hot wrestler. 566 00:19:48,143 --> 00:19:50,450 [sighs] I thought I could handleyou going back to school, 567 00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:52,626 but I'm afraid I'm losing you. 568 00:19:53,931 --> 00:19:57,283 Evan, you're not losing me. 569 00:19:57,413 --> 00:19:59,981 I know this is a big adjustment. 570 00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:01,374 You know, when youfirst started school, 571 00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:02,984 I was scared of losing you, too. 572 00:20:03,114 --> 00:20:04,768 -Really? -Yes. 573 00:20:04,899 --> 00:20:06,727 And it was hard. 574 00:20:06,857 --> 00:20:08,859 But then I saw how great school was for you. 575 00:20:08,990 --> 00:20:10,078 You were so happy. 576 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,558 The classroom was my playground. 577 00:20:11,688 --> 00:20:14,256 You came home every day with something new to tell me, 578 00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:16,519 and I need to make sure I can do the same. 579 00:20:16,650 --> 00:20:20,349 So Vice Mommy Reports are back on. 580 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:21,350 No exceptions. 581 00:20:21,481 --> 00:20:23,787 -Deal? -Deal. 582 00:20:23,918 --> 00:20:25,702 You hear that, you two? 583 00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:27,182 Clean up this mess. 584 00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:28,705 [speaking Chinese] 585 00:20:28,836 --> 00:20:30,403 You wanted this party so badly. 586 00:20:30,533 --> 00:20:31,273 I'll clean whatever. 587 00:20:31,404 --> 00:20:33,449 I'm just happy notto be in charge. 588 00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:35,016 You'll be happy to know 589 00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:37,018 that I helped Eddie avoid a packing disaster. 590 00:20:37,148 --> 00:20:39,281 He had all these cans in his suitcase. 591 00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:40,978 I threw them all in the recycling 592 00:20:41,109 --> 00:20:42,719 so he knew he had to pack for real. 593 00:20:42,850 --> 00:20:44,721 -I've taught you well. -Mm. 594 00:20:48,769 --> 00:20:50,423 Tina, I'll cut right to it. 595 00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:51,467 I'm shipping out. 596 00:20:51,598 --> 00:20:52,599 Okay...? 597 00:20:52,729 --> 00:20:54,340 I know we've been figuring out our relationship, 598 00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:57,038 but I'm here to tell you, I'm a one-woman man -- 599 00:20:57,168 --> 00:20:58,387 and that woman is you. 600 00:20:59,214 --> 00:21:00,389 I'm not gonna force your hand, 601 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:01,347 but I want you to know, 602 00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:03,174 while I'm away, I'll be thinking of you. 603 00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:04,306 And when I return, 604 00:21:04,437 --> 00:21:06,395 I want to take you out on a romantic date. 605 00:21:06,526 --> 00:21:09,180 I'm thinking... hot wings? 606 00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:10,921 What do you say? 607 00:21:11,052 --> 00:21:13,228 ♪♪ 608 00:21:18,973 --> 00:21:20,017 Well? 609 00:21:21,149 --> 00:21:22,368 Your boy's off the market! 610 00:21:22,498 --> 00:21:24,152 [laughs] Yes! 611 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,371 That's my employee! 612 00:21:25,501 --> 00:21:26,502 [laughs] 613 00:21:29,592 --> 00:21:32,508 --Captions by VITAC--