1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:04,613
[ Popping, speaking gibberish,
laughter ]

2
00:00:04,656 --> 00:00:07,442
[ Snoring, yawns ]

3
00:00:07,485 --> 00:00:10,662
[ Whistling ]

4
00:00:10,706 --> 00:00:12,403
[ Chair creaks, mouse clicking ]

5
00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:14,275
[ Train whistle blows ]

6
00:00:14,318 --> 00:00:17,191
-Eddie, no more computer!
-Whoa.

7
00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:19,410
This knock-off version
of "The Sims" is so accurate.

8
00:00:19,454 --> 00:00:20,759
It even soundslike Mom.

9
00:00:20,803 --> 00:00:23,066
Eddie!

10
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:24,720
It's noon and you're still
in your pajamas?

11
00:00:24,763 --> 00:00:27,462
I was up all night makingcomputer versions of our family.

12
00:00:27,505 --> 00:00:29,290
It took me four hours
to get Dad's hair right.

13
00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:30,987
Did you do the laundrylike I asked you?

14
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,336
I said I'd get to it.

15
00:00:32,380 --> 00:00:34,121
Off the computer nowand go do the laundry.

16
00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:35,426
[ Sighs ]

17
00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:38,647
[ Exhales sharply ]And go take a shower.

18
00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:41,476
You smell like
hot-dog water.

19
00:00:41,519 --> 00:00:43,347
[ Sniffs ]

20
00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:44,696
[ Sighs ]

21
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,394
[ Whomp-whomp,
speaking gibberish]

22
00:00:48,787 --> 00:00:50,572
[ Sighs]

23
00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:54,054
Believe me, little dude --
I get it.

24
00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:57,361
[ Pops, ooh's]

25
00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:59,320
[ Click ]

26
00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:02,801
♪ Fresh off the boat

27
00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,455
♪ I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go ♪

28
00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:06,762
♪ If you don't know, homey,
now you know ♪

29
00:01:06,805 --> 00:01:08,155
♪ Fresh off the boat

30
00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:10,287
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪

31
00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:11,897
♪ But I know where I'm goin'

32
00:01:11,941 --> 00:01:14,552
♪ I'm fresh off the boat

33
00:01:14,596 --> 00:01:17,033
Thanks for letting me borrow
your hammer, Louis.

34
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,991
The hardware store near my
apartment stopped selling them

35
00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:21,168
after all the murders.Mm, no problem, Horace.

36
00:01:21,211 --> 00:01:23,344
Moving into your first apartment
is hard work.

37
00:01:23,387 --> 00:01:26,129
Oh, and I, uh, marked itwith an "H" for "Huang"

38
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:27,609
so we don't get mixed up.

39
00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:30,351
But "H" is also for "Horace."
And hammer.

40
00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:32,570
But that "H"
is for "Huang."

41
00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:34,181
I'll bring it back
as soon as I'm done
decorating my place

42
00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:36,357
the way Iwant to.[ Laughs ]

43
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,360
"Oh, oh, you think the
Elvira poster is too
sexy for my room, Mom?

44
00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:41,144
Well, that's too bad,
because it's my place!"

45
00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:43,277
[ Laughs ]

46
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:45,322
Uh, Elvira?

47
00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:48,369
She's...kind of...hot.Oh. Okay.

48
00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:50,414
You know, my first apartmentwas above a saxophone store.

49
00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:51,850
I used to tell peopleI live on the corner

50
00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:53,548
of Rhythm and Blues.[ Chuckles ]

51
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,854
Until the mailman
told me to stop.

52
00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:58,466
Hey, I should find my old leaseand frame it!

53
00:01:59,597 --> 00:02:01,295
Man, living alone
must be awesome. I can't wait.

54
00:02:01,338 --> 00:02:02,948
When I have my own place,I'm gonna have

55
00:02:02,992 --> 00:02:03,949
a beat-box
answering machine.

56
00:02:03,993 --> 00:02:05,429
"Leave a message
after the..."

57
00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:06,865
[ Beat-boxing ]

58
00:02:06,909 --> 00:02:08,302
"...beat."
Yes!

59
00:02:08,345 --> 00:02:10,434
Living alone is great, man.

60
00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:11,740
I can do whatever I want,
whenever I want.

61
00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:14,525
I haven't felt this free since
I went on Cultural Exchange

62
00:02:14,569 --> 00:02:16,092
to Taiwan when I was 16.

63
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,224
Say what now?

64
00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:19,661
You know, when you go
all over Taiwan

65
00:02:19,704 --> 00:02:21,184
with a bunch of other teenagers
on a bus?

66
00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:22,533
Theysay it's educational,

67
00:02:22,577 --> 00:02:24,231
but the only thing I learned

68
00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:26,407
is how to smooch girls
with a mouth full of tapioca.

69
00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,452
But what about
your parents?

70
00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:30,411
The best part about
Cultural Exchange --

71
00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:33,109
no parents.

72
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,024
Hey, is it cool
if I take this?

73
00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:37,983
Thanks, man.
Housewarming gift.

74
00:02:38,027 --> 00:02:40,247
Jessica: Eddie? I said
no more video games.

75
00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:42,466
I need the computer
to instant-message with Honey

76
00:02:42,510 --> 00:02:43,685
while she's on bed rest.

77
00:02:43,728 --> 00:02:46,383
I already have my topics
all picked out.

78
00:02:46,427 --> 00:02:48,342
But Computer Eddie  just
ordered bottle service.

79
00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:50,474
Who cares?
He's a pixel blob!

80
00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:53,216
Now, off the computer or no
seeing your friends for a week.

81
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:55,349
Fine. I'll just play with my"digital friends" instead.

82
00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:57,264
Fine. I'll just pack you
a digital lunch

83
00:02:57,307 --> 00:02:58,917
for school tomorrow
instead.

84
00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:00,136
"Microsoft Sandwich".

85
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,007
Fine. I'll just raidthe freshmen learning garden.

86
00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:03,313
They don't need
that much rosemary.

87
00:03:03,357 --> 00:03:05,489
Okay, you want to use
the computer?

88
00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:08,318
Then you can teach Grandma.
-Whoo!

89
00:03:08,362 --> 00:03:11,452
What?! You know that's way worsethan no computer.

90
00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:13,280
Why can't you just give mea little space?

91
00:03:13,323 --> 00:03:15,630
I would love to give you
a little space,

92
00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,719
but parenting you
is a full-time job.

93
00:03:17,762 --> 00:03:21,288
Ask Jeeves to look
for "Tom Selleck...

94
00:03:21,331 --> 00:03:23,551
plus shirtless".

95
00:03:25,944 --> 00:03:27,511
[ Grunts ]

96
00:03:27,555 --> 00:03:29,644
Who designed this house?
The Harlem Globetrotters?

97
00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:32,429
[ Grunts ]Allow me.

98
00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:35,432
There's that famous volleyball
reach I've heard so much about.

99
00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:40,089
Cowboy boots?
When did that start?

100
00:03:40,132 --> 00:03:42,178
A few weeks ago.
You didn't notice?

101
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,311
Oh, of course I did.
[ Chuckles ]

102
00:03:44,354 --> 00:03:45,921
Started a few weeks ago.

103
00:03:45,964 --> 00:03:48,750
Well, I'm worried about him,and it's not just the boots.

104
00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:50,317
He's seemed different lately.

105
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:51,405
Emery? [ Scoffs ]

106
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:53,102
No. You could set your watch
by that kid.

107
00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:54,495
I'm sure it's nothing.

108
00:03:54,538 --> 00:03:56,148
He's probably just parting
his hair the opposite way.

109
00:03:56,192 --> 00:03:58,281
He isn't, and I would know.

110
00:03:58,325 --> 00:03:59,543
I'm the one
that does his hair.

111
00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:00,892
You do
your brother's hair?

112
00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:03,504
So? I have the time.

113
00:04:03,547 --> 00:04:04,853
I think he might be goingthrough something

114
00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:06,420
and he doesn't know
how to tell us.

115
00:04:06,463 --> 00:04:09,423
Well, I'm sure, if it's anythingimportant, he would tell me.

116
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:11,512
We've been
really connecting lately,

117
00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:13,340
ever since our
Chinese New Year tussle.

118
00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:15,298
We even discovered
a mutual love of volleyball.

119
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:17,561
Since when do you
like volleyball?Since always.

120
00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,955
Spatch!
That's a volleyball term.

121
00:04:19,998 --> 00:04:22,784
Okay,if nothing's going on,

122
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:25,308
explain why I found this
on his desk.

123
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:28,093
The Cowboy Palace Saloon?

124
00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:29,573
He could've gotten this
anywhere.

125
00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:32,010
Besides, the boy has
a lot of candles.

126
00:04:32,054 --> 00:04:33,403
Louis!

127
00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:34,448
Printer's ink run out.

128
00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:37,059
Tom's chest soaked it up.

129
00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:43,370
I need a new name
for Instant Messenger.

130
00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:44,545
Jessica Huang was taken,

131
00:04:44,588 --> 00:04:47,591
so I have
Jessica-Computer-Name,

132
00:04:47,635 --> 00:04:48,766
Chinese-Barbara-Bush,

133
00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:50,464
or Deidres-A-Poop-6.

134
00:04:50,507 --> 00:04:52,596
Ooh, tough call.
They're all great.

135
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,511
Anyway, Mother,

136
00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,339
I was thinking,
and you're right --

137
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,036
how we both need
a little space.

138
00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,386
In the words
of Louis Armstrong,

139
00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:01,388
"And I think to myself...

140
00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:03,128
w-what a dope-ass world."

141
00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:04,565
I owe it to myself
to get out there.

142
00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:06,393
Uh-huh.
Which is why

143
00:05:06,436 --> 00:05:07,611
I would likeyour permission to go

144
00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:08,873
on the Cultural Exchange
trip to Taiwan.

145
00:05:13,095 --> 00:05:14,488
[ Laughs ]

146
00:05:14,531 --> 00:05:17,491
[ Laughs ]

147
00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,449
[ Laughing continues ]

148
00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:20,450
What are we
laughing about?

149
00:05:20,494 --> 00:05:23,584
You! Going on
a Cultural Exchange!

150
00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:25,150
Wh-What's so funny
about that?

151
00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:27,196
You can't survive
on your own.

152
00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:28,980
I do everythingfor you.

153
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:30,460
I wake you up for school,

154
00:05:30,504 --> 00:05:32,157
I cook for you,
I do your laundry --

155
00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:33,637
Hey, I did the laundrythis time.

156
00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:36,858
Only because I hounded you
until you did it.

157
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,599
You're like
a little baby bird

158
00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:40,601
who sits in front of
the computer all day

159
00:05:40,644 --> 00:05:43,168
and would die
if his beautiful mother bird

160
00:05:43,212 --> 00:05:45,040
stopped regurgitating worms
into his mouth.

161
00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:48,173
So I'm sorry,
but the answer is no.

162
00:05:48,217 --> 00:05:50,393
Every time I think we've goneand turned a corner,

163
00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:52,090
you go right back to treating melike I'm a baby!

164
00:05:52,134 --> 00:05:54,963
I'm 16 years old.I can look after myself!

165
00:05:55,006 --> 00:05:56,443
I'm
goingon that trip.

166
00:05:56,486 --> 00:05:58,749
Well, I'll call the programand tell them not to accept you.

167
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:01,404
As long as you live under my
roof, you go by myrules.

168
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:04,102
Fine. Then maybe it's time Ididn't live under your roof.

169
00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:07,497
Fine!
You know where the door is.

170
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:15,636
Ooh, Orlando State is selling
a DNA gene sequencer.

171
00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:17,638
That lab fire is the gift
that keeps on giving.

172
00:06:17,681 --> 00:06:19,770
Mm-hmm.
So, uh, Emery,

173
00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:21,685
excited about
volleyball practice?

174
00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:23,557
You know, I was reading
that volleyball

175
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,123
is the number-one sport
amongst nudists.

176
00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:28,562
What's a nudist?Uh, doesn't matter.

177
00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:29,476
Everything good with you,
though?

178
00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:32,653
No, uh, troubles at school
or anywhere else,

179
00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:35,917
like a roadhouse
or a Western-themed speakeasy?

180
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,920
Nope! All good.
You know me, Dad.

181
00:06:38,963 --> 00:06:40,225
[ Chuckles ]

182
00:06:40,269 --> 00:06:42,489
I do, don't I?
[ Chuckles ]

183
00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:44,099
Mr. Volleyball.

184
00:06:47,189 --> 00:06:49,844
Have a good practice, son.

185
00:06:49,887 --> 00:06:52,150
Bye.
[ Chuckles ]

186
00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:58,505
See? I was right.
Emery is fine.

187
00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:00,158
He's just a good,
old-fashioned,

188
00:07:00,202 --> 00:07:02,334
cowboy-boot-wearing,
volleyball-playing,

189
00:07:02,378 --> 00:07:03,466
nudist-ignorant kid.

190
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:04,946
Uh-huh.

191
00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:11,561
So, have you ever actually
seenhim play or...?

192
00:07:11,605 --> 00:07:14,129
[ Grunts ]

193
00:07:14,172 --> 00:07:16,479
Uh, hi. I'm Louis Huang,Emery's dad.

194
00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:17,828
Who?

195
00:07:17,872 --> 00:07:21,919
Uh, Louis Huang. I runthe steakhouse off I-4.

196
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:24,139
The one next tothe haunted supermarket.

197
00:07:24,182 --> 00:07:25,749
No, who are you
looking for?

198
00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:26,533
Uh, Emery Huang.

199
00:07:26,576 --> 00:07:28,665
Oh, the Chinese kid.

200
00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:30,101
Yeah, he quit the team
weeks ago.

201
00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:31,581
Sebastian!

202
00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:33,540
Get your hair out of your mouth
and play volleyball!

203
00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:40,634
You need to stop hanging yourbras on the clothesline outside.

204
00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:42,853
A bird made a nest
in one of the cups.

205
00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:44,376
Well, this is it.

206
00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:47,641
I'm really doing it.
I'm really running away.

207
00:07:47,684 --> 00:07:48,598
Okay.

208
00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:53,690
You're letting him leave?

209
00:07:53,734 --> 00:07:55,736
[ Door closes ][ Scoffs ]

210
00:07:55,779 --> 00:07:57,215
Please.
He's gonna get hungry

211
00:07:57,259 --> 00:07:59,914
and be back in here
in 10 minutes.

212
00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:02,090
Then who is that
picking him up?

213
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:07,704
♪♪

214
00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:09,750
Horace?

215
00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:12,230
[ Printer whirring ]

216
00:08:12,274 --> 00:08:14,537
Oh, here comes
Selleck's groin.

217
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:15,973
[ Chuckles ]

218
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,892
Tell me about it,
Commander Beefcake.

219
00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:25,243
[ Laugh track ]Ha! Oh, Susan!

220
00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:30,684
Everything does happen to youvery suddenly, doesn't it?

221
00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:32,033
Jessica.

222
00:08:34,383 --> 00:08:36,820
Worried? I'm thrilled.

223
00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:39,214
A break from being Eddie'sfull-time mom?

224
00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:42,347
I feel like I'm on one of thosefancy white-people cruises

225
00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:43,740
where everybody
gets diarrhea.

226
00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,577
[ Scoffs ]

227
00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:56,710
Connie used to do thisall the time.

228
00:08:56,753 --> 00:08:57,798
If she didn't get her way,

229
00:08:57,841 --> 00:09:01,018
she'd run off and spendthe night in a grain silo.

230
00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:03,064
But she always came home.

231
00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:04,587
Trust me.

232
00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:08,678
Eddie is not mature enough tosurvive in the world without me.

233
00:09:08,722 --> 00:09:11,855
He's probably in a grain siloright now,

234
00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:16,773
ruing the day he ever lefthis comfortable bed.

235
00:09:16,817 --> 00:09:17,774
[ Door opens ]

236
00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:20,777
Welcome to Chez Horace.

237
00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:26,087
This is it?
How long have you been here?

238
00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:27,828
Ah, just a few weeks.

239
00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:28,829
It's really startingto come together.

240
00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:30,047
[ Inhales deeply ] Hoo.

241
00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:31,832
Where do you even sleep?

242
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:34,095
My waterbed.

243
00:09:34,138 --> 00:09:36,532
I made it myself.

244
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,708
Go ahead. Take it for a spin.Eh, no.

245
00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:40,797
Cool.

246
00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:46,455
I'm gonna use you
to solve the puzzle

247
00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:48,500
that has plagued scientists
for centuries --

248
00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:49,850
Was Eddie adopted?

249
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,721
Stop talking
to the gene sequencer

250
00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:52,766
and keep an eye out
for Emery.

251
00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,506
Are you gonna confront him?

252
00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:56,291
Just be aware,
he spooks easily.

253
00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:59,294
He almost killed Grandma lasttime she wore a mud mask.

254
00:09:59,337 --> 00:10:01,252
No, I'm not gonna call him out
and risk how far we've come

255
00:10:01,296 --> 00:10:02,819
since Chinese New Year.

256
00:10:02,863 --> 00:10:04,865
Besides, I'm sure he has
a reasonable explanation

257
00:10:04,908 --> 00:10:06,693
for why he quit
the volleyball team.There he is!

258
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:10,044
And he's...sweaty?[ Car door opens ]

259
00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,656
Hey. [ Chuckles ]
Hey.

260
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:14,831
So, how was practice?

261
00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:17,704
Great. Coach says my spatch gameis really coming together.

262
00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:23,927
♪♪

263
00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:26,582
Horace, don't take this
the wrong way,

264
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,106
but your apartment blows.
Like, reallyblows.

265
00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:31,326
Like, I can't believe
you left home for this.

266
00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:32,762
What were you thinking?

267
00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:35,330
The truth is,

268
00:10:35,373 --> 00:10:36,505
I didn't move out.

269
00:10:36,548 --> 00:10:38,681
My parents kicked me out.What?

270
00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:39,682
Why didn't you
tell me that before?

271
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:41,162
I was embarrassed!

272
00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:42,729
And plus I was hopingyou would bring

273
00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:44,774
some luxury items
from your house,

274
00:10:44,818 --> 00:10:47,951
like pillows or lampsor toilet paper.

275
00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:50,737
I've been using a sack of riceas a pillow,

276
00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:52,477
and now my neck
is so jacked up,

277
00:10:52,521 --> 00:10:54,523
I think one of my armsis permanently asleep.

278
00:10:56,525 --> 00:10:58,875
Yeah, that's not good.

279
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:01,573
I can't go back now,
let my mom win.

280
00:11:01,617 --> 00:11:03,097
Hey, do you want somethingto drink?

281
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:04,925
I don't have any glasses yet,but I can rinse out

282
00:11:04,968 --> 00:11:07,101
an old bottleof contact lens solution.

283
00:11:09,016 --> 00:11:10,408
I think I'm just
gonna turn in.

284
00:11:10,452 --> 00:11:11,845
Okay.

285
00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:13,629
Well, good night, Eddie.

286
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,196
It's good
to have you here.

287
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:17,415
And you can stayas long as you want.

288
00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:22,812
♪♪

289
00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:27,904
♪♪

290
00:11:27,948 --> 00:11:29,340
[ Sighs ]

291
00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:32,866
I think I made
a big mistake.

292
00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:35,216
God, me too, man.

293
00:11:35,259 --> 00:11:37,174
Me, too.

294
00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:46,662
[ Chiming]

295
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,316
[ Typing ]

296
00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:50,187
[ Chimes]

297
00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:52,015
[ Thud in distance ]

298
00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:53,408
[ Sighs ]

299
00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:58,848
♪♪

300
00:11:58,892 --> 00:11:59,980
[ Sighs ]

301
00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:01,590
[ Whispering ] Thank God...

302
00:12:03,244 --> 00:12:05,681
I knew it.
I knew you couldn't survive

303
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,988
out there on your own
without me, and I was right.

304
00:12:08,031 --> 00:12:09,467
Come on now. Get up.

305
00:12:09,511 --> 00:12:11,121
It's after 5:00.

306
00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:14,081
Hey, um...
can I get a glass of milk?

307
00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:17,780
Oh...What are you doing
in my house?

308
00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:20,696
To be honest, I just neededa dry bed and something to eat.

309
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,784
I don't have any food...

310
00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:24,569
[yawning] or furnitureat my house.

311
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:26,267
It's, um --It's kind of a dump.

312
00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:28,443
What? And you just
left Eddie there?

313
00:12:28,486 --> 00:12:30,488
No. He was gone
when I woke up.

314
00:12:30,532 --> 00:12:31,794
Gone where?

315
00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:33,840
Here, I assume.

316
00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:34,928
Is he not here?

317
00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:39,802
Now, about that milk...

318
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:45,373
And the coach said you're havinga special extra practice

319
00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:46,853
so you can watch
"Top Gun" as a team?

320
00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:48,245
Just the volleyball scenes.

321
00:12:48,289 --> 00:12:51,248
Oh.[ Vehicle door opens ]

322
00:12:51,292 --> 00:12:52,728
Have a good practice, Emery.

323
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,686
Thanks.

324
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:56,950
If that is your realname.

325
00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:02,607
[ Exhales ] And now
the stakeout begins.

326
00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:05,088
I brought a bag of disguises.

327
00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:06,220
Are you okay
playing a woman?

328
00:13:06,263 --> 00:13:08,222
[ Quietly ]
Shh, there he is.

329
00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:09,484
Yes.

330
00:13:09,527 --> 00:13:17,318
♪♪

331
00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:19,537
[ Brakes screeching ]

332
00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:24,847
♪♪

333
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:26,893
Follow that Huang.

334
00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:32,507
♪♪

335
00:13:34,988 --> 00:13:36,903
Meet Dr. Lucas Palindrome,

336
00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:39,514
a psychiatristfrom Brooklyn, New York.

337
00:13:39,557 --> 00:13:40,907
That's the bar
from the matchbook.

338
00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:44,954
[ Indistinct conversations ]

339
00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:46,086
Is he really going in there?

340
00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:47,870
Man: Hey.

341
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:50,220
He quit volleyballso he could underage drink.

342
00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:52,135
What a waste.

343
00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:54,137
What do you say you dress upas Mrs.Palindrome

344
00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:56,226
and we get our pictures takenat the mall?

345
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:57,967
Wait in the car
and lock the doors.

346
00:13:58,011 --> 00:13:59,012
Where are you going,Melinda?

347
00:13:59,055 --> 00:14:00,796
To rescue my son!

348
00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:05,845
Ourson!
Ourson, Melinda!

349
00:14:07,063 --> 00:14:09,022
Whoa there, partner.You can't --

350
00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:11,024
I own a Western-style
steakhouse.

351
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:12,677
Now get your damn hand
off me.

352
00:14:12,721 --> 00:14:17,030
[ Indistinct conversations,
country music playing ]

353
00:14:17,073 --> 00:14:20,033
♪♪

354
00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:22,165
[ Cheering ]

355
00:14:22,209 --> 00:14:28,824
♪♪

356
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:35,178
♪♪

357
00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:38,616
If we go to the airport,
it's a $45 flat fee.

358
00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:40,923
Just so you know.This is all your fault.

359
00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:41,968
Myfault? What did Ido?

360
00:14:42,011 --> 00:14:44,013
You lost him!

361
00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:46,842
If he's not huddled up in yourcrack den like a fetal mouse,

362
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,191
he could be anywhere.

363
00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:51,020
No offense,
but you lost him first.

364
00:14:55,242 --> 00:14:56,460
Okay, we're here.

365
00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:01,030
Hey, if you see anybody
with a hammer, run!

366
00:15:03,641 --> 00:15:05,948
Oh, hey, man. I just
went down to the Goodwill
and picked up some --

367
00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:08,168
Oh, my God,
Eddie, you're...

368
00:15:08,211 --> 00:15:10,866
thriving!

369
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,651
Hey, if either of you lost
a tooth, it's in the stairwell.

370
00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:21,224
Mom? What are you
doing here?

371
00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:24,184
I was worried you...

372
00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:25,837
forgot to bring
clean underwear.

373
00:15:25,881 --> 00:15:29,754
Knowing you, you probably lefthome without packing any spares.

374
00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:32,192
For your information,
I packed eight pairs.

375
00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:33,628
That way, I can do
laundry on Sunday

376
00:15:33,671 --> 00:15:34,977
and not have to wear my swimsuitas underwear.

377
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:37,371
We all know that mesh
neverrecovers.

378
00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:40,243
You figured it out.

379
00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:41,984
I love what you've done
to this place, man.

380
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:44,944
I mean, it's not really my
style, but...it works.

381
00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:48,773
Eddiedid this?

382
00:15:48,817 --> 00:15:50,079
By himself?

383
00:15:50,123 --> 00:15:52,212
I told you I can take care
of myself, Mom.

384
00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:53,822
When are you gonna
start believing me?

385
00:15:53,865 --> 00:15:56,259
Fine. We'll talk about iton the way home.

386
00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:58,392
No, we won't.

387
00:15:58,435 --> 00:16:00,046
I'm going to the store
to buy olive oil

388
00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:02,396
for the bruschetta I'm making
for tonight's dinner.

389
00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:04,267
Horace only owns...
massage oil.

390
00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:07,140
You went through
my nightstand?You mean the Mervyn's bag

391
00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:09,142
hanging on
the bathroom door handle?

392
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:10,360
I thought that was trash.

393
00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:12,145
Stay out of my stuff, man.

394
00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:14,538
[ Sighs ]

395
00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:19,369
[ Country music plays ]

396
00:16:19,413 --> 00:16:24,287
[ Cheering ]

397
00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:26,072
Dad? What are you
doing here?

398
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:28,857
What are youdoing here?
In a bar?

399
00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:30,206
And why did you quit
volleyball?

400
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:31,729
Because I hatevolleyball.

401
00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:34,297
But you said you loved it.

402
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:37,083
I did at the beginning.And then I didn't.

403
00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:38,388
But by the time
I figured that out,

404
00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:40,129
you'd already goneand made it "our thing".

405
00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:43,393
All of a sudden,you were Mr. Volleyball.No, I wasn't.

406
00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:45,874
You drove me to Tampa so I couldget my volleyball signed

407
00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:49,051
by former Olympic bronzemedalist Yoko Zetterlund.

408
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,053
Like I even know
who that is!

409
00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:52,968
You said that was one of the topfive moments of your life.

410
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,579
Well, I lied![ Billy Ray Cyrus'
"Achy Breaky Heart" plays ]

411
00:16:57,538 --> 00:16:58,974
Look, this is my song.

412
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,236
I gotta go.I'll see you at home.

413
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,413
♪ You can tell the world
you never was my girl♪

414
00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:06,547
I am a terrible mother.No, you're not.

415
00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:07,983
You just pushed too hard.

416
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,290
Being a mom is tough,and nobody's perfect.[ Sighs ]

417
00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:11,508
God knows mymom isn't.

418
00:17:11,552 --> 00:17:12,901
I know your mom.

419
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:14,772
I bet she was
real tough on you.

420
00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:16,078
Oh, no, she gave meeverything I wanted,

421
00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:17,558
never yelled at me,

422
00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:19,342
let me eat ice creamfor breakfast anddinner.

423
00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:25,522
So your mom made you into
the person you are today?

424
00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:27,350
Without her constantlove and support,

425
00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:30,005
I think I would've turned out prettydifferent.

426
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,659
Mm, I bet you would have.

427
00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:33,313
[ Water squirting ]

428
00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:35,532
Thank you, Horace.

429
00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,230
This has been very helpful.

430
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:40,320
Do you have a piece of paper?
I want to write Eddie a note.

431
00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:42,322
No, but you want to scratchon the wall? That's what I do.

432
00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:47,022
♪ Don't tell my heart♪

433
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,329
♪ My achy breaky heart♪

434
00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:51,331
♪ I just don't think
he'd understand♪Mind if I cut in, amigo?

435
00:17:51,374 --> 00:17:53,550
Dad, what are you doing?You don't know any of the steps.

436
00:17:53,594 --> 00:17:55,552
I'm the formerCha Cha King of Taipei.

437
00:17:55,596 --> 00:17:57,337
I don't need the steps.

438
00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:59,339
♪ He might blow up
and kill this man, ooh♪

439
00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:02,168
Sorry if I made a big dealout of you playing volleyball.

440
00:18:03,169 --> 00:18:06,302
I'm sorry I lied about it.
I know you love it.

441
00:18:06,346 --> 00:18:08,391
-Well...
-You don'tlove it?

442
00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:11,742
I was pretending to love it'cause I thought youloved it.

443
00:18:11,786 --> 00:18:13,135
I was trying to connectwith you.

444
00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:15,181
So you don't know
who Yoko Zetterlund is, either.

445
00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:17,270
Nobodydoes, son.

446
00:18:17,313 --> 00:18:19,707
♪ You can tell your ma
I moved to Arkansas♪

447
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:21,361
You didn't have
to hide this from me.

448
00:18:21,404 --> 00:18:23,319
If you want to be
a professional line dancer,

449
00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:24,799
your mom and I
will support you.

450
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:26,366
Relax, Dad. I don't.

451
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:27,584
Oh, thank God.

452
00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,238
Your mother would'vemurdered us both.

453
00:18:29,282 --> 00:18:30,761
[ Cheering ]

454
00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:32,720
Line dancing is fun
and everything,

455
00:18:32,763 --> 00:18:34,417
but the truth is,
everyone treats me

456
00:18:34,461 --> 00:18:35,201
like I've got it all
figured out,

457
00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:36,376
but I don't.

458
00:18:36,419 --> 00:18:38,595
So I'm trying out
different Emerys,

459
00:18:38,639 --> 00:18:40,380
and that's hard to do
when you --Spatch your spike?

460
00:18:40,423 --> 00:18:41,946
I don't know
what that means.

461
00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:43,209
[ Huffs ]
Neither do I.

462
00:18:43,252 --> 00:18:46,342
I guess I can come ona little strong sometimes.

463
00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:48,431
I just want to make sureI'm there for you.

464
00:18:48,475 --> 00:18:50,216
-Mind if I cut i--
-Back off, Shania.

465
00:18:50,259 --> 00:18:53,001
I'm talking to my son.

466
00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:54,742
I love that you're trying
to connect with me,

467
00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:56,874
but it adds
a lot of pressure.

468
00:18:56,918 --> 00:18:58,398
I just need some space
sometimes.

469
00:18:58,441 --> 00:18:59,964
I get it.

470
00:19:00,008 --> 00:19:01,444
And I'll be here
when you need me.

471
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:03,229
♪ He might blow up
and kill this man♪

472
00:19:03,272 --> 00:19:05,405
[ Applause ]

473
00:19:05,448 --> 00:19:07,668
♪♪

474
00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:10,366
Leroy, you fixa mean Shirley Temple.

475
00:19:12,847 --> 00:19:14,544
Mom, where's Dad?

476
00:19:14,588 --> 00:19:16,329
Horace said he was attacked
by a bunch of bees!

477
00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:17,199
Your dad's fine.

478
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:20,202
That was just a clever ployto get you home.

479
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:22,683
[ Sighs ] There's somethingI want to tell you.

480
00:19:22,726 --> 00:19:25,251
What? You're right
and I'm wrong? I've
heard it before.

481
00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:26,687
No.

482
00:19:28,732 --> 00:19:31,648
I was scaredI'd pushed you away.

483
00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:34,347
But after talking to Horace,I realized I hadn't.

484
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:37,567
I pushed you out.Ew. Gross, Mom.

485
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,308
Ew, not like that!

486
00:19:39,352 --> 00:19:41,136
Pushed you out of the nest.

487
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,704
Which ismy job
as your mom.

488
00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:45,706
And as usual,I was too good at it,

489
00:19:45,749 --> 00:19:47,229
and now you're ready early.

490
00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:48,491
So you're welcome.

491
00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:49,797
Thank you.

492
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,015
Wait, for what?

493
00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:53,366
Well, you could've hadHorace's mom --

494
00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:56,325
a nicemom
who gives you hugs

495
00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:57,718
and lets you eatice cream for dinner.

496
00:19:57,761 --> 00:19:59,937
But instead, you got me,and because of that,

497
00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:01,548
you know how to take care
of yourself.

498
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,291
I'm sorry I ran away.

499
00:20:05,334 --> 00:20:08,337
If it's any consolation,
Horace's apartment sucked.

500
00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:09,730
Everything was covered
in cat hair,

501
00:20:09,773 --> 00:20:11,122
and he doesn't even
owna cat.

502
00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:14,648
Oh, I almost forgot.

503
00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:17,085
I need you to movethe computer into my room.

504
00:20:17,128 --> 00:20:19,174
What?! But you don't even
use it!

505
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,523
[ Sighs ]

506
00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:22,438
I guess I'll have to learn.

507
00:20:22,482 --> 00:20:24,962
We'll have to keep in touchsomehow, right?

508
00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:28,314
Wait...

509
00:20:28,357 --> 00:20:29,924
so I can go on the
Cultural Exchange to Taiwan?

510
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:31,708
[ Sighs ] Fine.

511
00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:36,322
Hey, this will be
nice for me, too.

512
00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:39,281
I look forward to beingbumped down to part-time mom.

513
00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:40,891
So, what are you gonna do
with all your free time?

514
00:20:40,935 --> 00:20:44,155
Oh, I'm sure I'll findsomeone else to boss around.

515
00:20:44,199 --> 00:20:50,640
♪♪

516
00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:51,989
Mom?!

517
00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:54,122
It's 3:00 in the morning.

518
00:20:54,165 --> 00:20:55,515
[ Fans swishing]

519
00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:57,256
I have a problem.

520
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:01,869
[ Vacuuming]

521
00:21:01,912 --> 00:21:06,308
♪♪

522
00:21:06,352 --> 00:21:08,179
[ Sighs]Jessica:
You'll stop cleaning

523
00:21:08,223 --> 00:21:11,313
when I tell you to stop
cleaning, Robot Louis!

524
00:21:11,357 --> 00:21:13,576
[ Grumbles ]

525
00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:15,317
This is my favorite game.

526
00:21:15,361 --> 00:21:17,754
-Pretty cool, right?
-Mm-hmm.

527
00:21:17,798 --> 00:21:19,365
Hey, wait.
Where's Grandma?

528
00:21:19,408 --> 00:21:22,368
Oh, she's around.

529
00:21:22,411 --> 00:21:24,935
[ Pops, train whistle blows]

530
00:21:24,979 --> 00:21:26,023
[ Grumbles]