1 00:00:14,318 --> 00:00:17,191 -Eddie, no more computer! -Whoa. 2 00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:19,410 This knock-off version of "The Sims" is so accurate. 3 00:00:19,454 --> 00:00:20,759 It even soundslike Mom. 4 00:00:20,803 --> 00:00:23,066 Eddie! 5 00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:24,720 It's noon and you're still in your pajamas? 6 00:00:24,763 --> 00:00:27,462 I was up all night makingcomputer versions of our family. 7 00:00:27,505 --> 00:00:29,290 It took me four hours to get Dad's hair right. 8 00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:30,987 Did you do the laundrylike I asked you? 9 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,336 I said I'd get to it. 10 00:00:32,380 --> 00:00:34,121 Off the computer nowand go do the laundry. 11 00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:38,647 And go take a shower. 12 00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:41,476 You smell like hot-dog water. 13 00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:54,054 Believe me, little dude -- I get it. 14 00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:02,801 ♪ Fresh off the boat 15 00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,455 ♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪ 16 00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:06,762 ♪ If you don't know, homey, now you know ♪ 17 00:01:06,805 --> 00:01:08,155 ♪ Fresh off the boat 18 00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:10,287 ♪ Homey, you don't know where I come from ♪ 19 00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:11,897 ♪ But I know where I'm goin' 20 00:01:11,941 --> 00:01:14,552 ♪ I'm fresh off the boat 21 00:01:14,596 --> 00:01:17,033 Thanks for letting me borrow your hammer, Louis. 22 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,991 The hardware store near my apartment stopped selling them 23 00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:21,168 after all the murders.Mm, no problem, Horace. 24 00:01:21,211 --> 00:01:23,344 Moving into your first apartment is hard work. 25 00:01:23,387 --> 00:01:26,129 Oh, and I, uh, marked itwith an "H" for "Huang" 26 00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:27,609 so we don't get mixed up. 27 00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:30,351 But "H" is also for "Horace." And hammer. 28 00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:32,570 But that "H" is for "Huang." 29 00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:34,181 I'll bring it back as soon as I'm done decorating my place 30 00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:36,357 the way Iwant to. 31 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,360 "Oh, oh, you think the Elvira poster is too sexy for my room, Mom? 32 00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:41,144 Well, that's too bad, because it's my place!" 33 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:45,322 Uh, Elvira? 34 00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:48,369 She's...kind of...hot.Oh. Okay. 35 00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:50,414 You know, my first apartmentwas above a saxophone store. 36 00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:51,850 I used to tell peopleI live on the corner 37 00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:53,548 of Rhythm and Blues. 38 00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,854 Until the mailman told me to stop. 39 00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:58,466 Hey, I should find my old leaseand frame it! 40 00:01:59,597 --> 00:02:01,295 Man, living alone must be awesome. I can't wait. 41 00:02:01,338 --> 00:02:02,948 When I have my own place,I'm gonna have 42 00:02:02,992 --> 00:02:03,949 a beat-box answering machine. 43 00:02:03,993 --> 00:02:05,429 "Leave a message after the..." 44 00:02:06,909 --> 00:02:08,302 "...beat." Yes! 45 00:02:08,345 --> 00:02:10,434 Living alone is great, man. 46 00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:11,740 I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. 47 00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:14,525 I haven't felt this free since I went on Cultural Exchange 48 00:02:14,569 --> 00:02:16,092 to Taiwan when I was 16. 49 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,224 Say what now? 50 00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:19,661 You know, when you go all over Taiwan 51 00:02:19,704 --> 00:02:21,184 with a bunch of other teenagers on a bus? 52 00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:22,533 Theysay it's educational, 53 00:02:22,577 --> 00:02:24,231 but the only thing I learned 54 00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:26,407 is how to smooch girls with a mouth full of tapioca. 55 00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,452 But what about your parents? 56 00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:30,411 The best part about Cultural Exchange -- 57 00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:33,109 no parents. 58 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,024 Hey, is it cool if I take this? 59 00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:37,983 Thanks, man. Housewarming gift. 60 00:02:38,027 --> 00:02:40,247 Jessica: Eddie? I said no more video games. 61 00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:42,466 I need the computer to instant-message with Honey 62 00:02:42,510 --> 00:02:43,685 while she's on bed rest. 63 00:02:43,728 --> 00:02:46,383 I already have my topics all picked out. 64 00:02:46,427 --> 00:02:48,342 But Computer Eddie just ordered bottle service. 65 00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:50,474 Who cares? He's a pixel blob! 66 00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:53,216 Now, off the computer or no seeing your friends for a week. 67 00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:55,349 Fine. I'll just play with my"digital friends" instead. 68 00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:57,264 Fine. I'll just pack you a digital lunch 69 00:02:57,307 --> 00:02:58,917 for school tomorrow instead. 70 00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:00,136 "Microsoft Sandwich". 71 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,007 Fine. I'll just raidthe freshmen learning garden. 72 00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:03,313 They don't need that much rosemary. 73 00:03:03,357 --> 00:03:05,489 Okay, you want to use the computer? 74 00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:08,318 Then you can teach Grandma. -Whoo! 75 00:03:08,362 --> 00:03:11,452 What?! You know that's way worsethan no computer. 76 00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:13,280 Why can't you just give mea little space? 77 00:03:13,323 --> 00:03:15,630 I would love to give you a little space, 78 00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,719 but parenting you is a full-time job. 79 00:03:17,762 --> 00:03:21,288 Ask Jeeves to look for "Tom Selleck... 80 00:03:21,331 --> 00:03:23,551 plus shirtless". 81 00:03:27,555 --> 00:03:29,644 Who designed this house? The Harlem Globetrotters? 82 00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:32,429 Allow me. 83 00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:35,432 There's that famous volleyball reach I've heard so much about. 84 00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:40,089 Cowboy boots? When did that start? 85 00:03:40,132 --> 00:03:42,178 A few weeks ago. You didn't notice? 86 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,311 Oh, of course I did. 87 00:03:44,354 --> 00:03:45,921 Started a few weeks ago. 88 00:03:45,964 --> 00:03:48,750 Well, I'm worried about him,and it's not just the boots. 89 00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:50,317 He's seemed different lately. 90 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:51,405 Emery? 91 00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:53,102 No. You could set your watch by that kid. 92 00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:54,495 I'm sure it's nothing. 93 00:03:54,538 --> 00:03:56,148 He's probably just parting his hair the opposite way. 94 00:03:56,192 --> 00:03:58,281 He isn't, and I would know. 95 00:03:58,325 --> 00:03:59,543 I'm the one that does his hair. 96 00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:00,892 You do your brother's hair? 97 00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:03,504 So? I have the time. 98 00:04:03,547 --> 00:04:04,853 I think he might be goingthrough something 99 00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:06,420 and he doesn't know how to tell us. 100 00:04:06,463 --> 00:04:09,423 Well, I'm sure, if it's anythingimportant, he would tell me. 101 00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:11,512 We've been really connecting lately, 102 00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:13,340 ever since our Chinese New Year tussle. 103 00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:15,298 We even discovered a mutual love of volleyball. 104 00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:17,561 Since when do you like volleyball?Since always. 105 00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,955 Spatch! That's a volleyball term. 106 00:04:19,998 --> 00:04:22,784 Okay,if nothing's going on, 107 00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:25,308 explain why I found this on his desk. 108 00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:28,093 The Cowboy Palace Saloon? 109 00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:29,573 He could've gotten this anywhere. 110 00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:32,010 Besides, the boy has a lot of candles. 111 00:04:32,054 --> 00:04:33,403 Louis! 112 00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:34,448 Printer's ink run out. 113 00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:37,059 Tom's chest soaked it up. 114 00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:43,370 I need a new name for Instant Messenger. 115 00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:44,545 Jessica Huang was taken, 116 00:04:44,588 --> 00:04:47,591 so I have Jessica-Computer-Name, 117 00:04:47,635 --> 00:04:48,766 Chinese-Barbara-Bush, 118 00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:50,464 or Deidres-A-Poop-6. 119 00:04:50,507 --> 00:04:52,596 Ooh, tough call. They're all great. 120 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,511 Anyway, Mother, 121 00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,339 I was thinking, and you're right -- 122 00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,036 how we both need a little space. 123 00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,386 In the words of Louis Armstrong, 124 00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:01,388 "And I think to myself... 125 00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:03,128 w-what a dope-ass world." 126 00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:04,565 I owe it to myself to get out there. 127 00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:06,393 Uh-huh. Which is why 128 00:05:06,436 --> 00:05:07,611 I would likeyour permission to go 129 00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:08,873 on the Cultural Exchange trip to Taiwan. 130 00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:20,450 What are we laughing about? 131 00:05:20,494 --> 00:05:23,584 You! Going on a Cultural Exchange! 132 00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:25,150 Wh-What's so funny about that? 133 00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:27,196 You can't survive on your own. 134 00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:28,980 I do everythingfor you. 135 00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:30,460 I wake you up for school, 136 00:05:30,504 --> 00:05:32,157 I cook for you, I do your laundry -- 137 00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:33,637 Hey, I did the laundrythis time. 138 00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:36,858 Only because I hounded you until you did it. 139 00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,599 You're like a little baby bird 140 00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:40,601 who sits in front of the computer all day 141 00:05:40,644 --> 00:05:43,168 and would die if his beautiful mother bird 142 00:05:43,212 --> 00:05:45,040 stopped regurgitating worms into his mouth. 143 00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:48,173 So I'm sorry, but the answer is no. 144 00:05:48,217 --> 00:05:50,393 Every time I think we've goneand turned a corner, 145 00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:52,090 you go right back to treating melike I'm a baby! 146 00:05:52,134 --> 00:05:54,963 I'm 16 years old.I can look after myself! 147 00:05:55,006 --> 00:05:56,443 I'm goingon that trip. 148 00:05:56,486 --> 00:05:58,749 Well, I'll call the programand tell them not to accept you. 149 00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:01,404 As long as you live under my roof, you go by myrules. 150 00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:04,102 Fine. Then maybe it's time Ididn't live under your roof. 151 00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:07,497 Fine! You know where the door is. 152 00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:15,636 Ooh, Orlando State is selling a DNA gene sequencer. 153 00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:17,638 That lab fire is the gift that keeps on giving. 154 00:06:17,681 --> 00:06:19,770 Mm-hmm. So, uh, Emery, 155 00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:21,685 excited about volleyball practice? 156 00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:23,557 You know, I was reading that volleyball 157 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,123 is the number-one sport amongst nudists. 158 00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:28,562 What's a nudist?Uh, doesn't matter. 159 00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:29,476 Everything good with you, though? 160 00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:32,653 No, uh, troubles at school or anywhere else, 161 00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:35,917 like a roadhouse or a Western-themed speakeasy? 162 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,920 Nope! All good. You know me, Dad. 163 00:06:40,269 --> 00:06:42,489 I do, don't I? 164 00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:44,099 Mr. Volleyball. 165 00:06:47,189 --> 00:06:49,844 Have a good practice, son. 166 00:06:49,887 --> 00:06:52,150 Bye. 167 00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:58,505 See? I was right. Emery is fine. 168 00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:00,158 He's just a good, old-fashioned, 169 00:07:00,202 --> 00:07:02,334 cowboy-boot-wearing, volleyball-playing, 170 00:07:02,378 --> 00:07:03,466 nudist-ignorant kid. 171 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:04,946 Uh-huh. 172 00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:11,561 So, have you ever actually seenhim play or...? 173 00:07:14,172 --> 00:07:16,479 Uh, hi. I'm Louis Huang,Emery's dad. 174 00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:17,828 Who? 175 00:07:17,872 --> 00:07:21,919 Uh, Louis Huang. I runthe steakhouse off I-4. 176 00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:24,139 The one next tothe haunted supermarket. 177 00:07:24,182 --> 00:07:25,749 No, who are you looking for? 178 00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:26,533 Uh, Emery Huang. 179 00:07:26,576 --> 00:07:28,665 Oh, the Chinese kid. 180 00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:30,101 Yeah, he quit the team weeks ago. 181 00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:31,581 Sebastian! 182 00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:33,540 Get your hair out of your mouth and play volleyball! 183 00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:40,634 You need to stop hanging yourbras on the clothesline outside. 184 00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:42,853 A bird made a nest in one of the cups. 185 00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:44,376 Well, this is it. 186 00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:47,641 I'm really doing it. I'm really running away. 187 00:07:47,684 --> 00:07:48,598 Okay. 188 00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:53,690 You're letting him leave? 189 00:07:55,779 --> 00:07:57,215 Please. He's gonna get hungry 190 00:07:57,259 --> 00:07:59,914 and be back in here in 10 minutes. 191 00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:02,090 Then who is that picking him up? 192 00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:09,750 Horace? 193 00:08:12,274 --> 00:08:14,537 Oh, here comes Selleck's groin. 194 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,892 Tell me about it, Commander Beefcake. 195 00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:25,243 Ha! Oh, Susan! 196 00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:30,684 Everything does happen to youvery suddenly, doesn't it? 197 00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:32,033 Jessica. 198 00:08:34,383 --> 00:08:36,820 Worried? I'm thrilled. 199 00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:39,214 A break from being Eddie'sfull-time mom? 200 00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:42,347 I feel like I'm on one of thosefancy white-people cruises 201 00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:43,740 where everybody gets diarrhea. 202 00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:56,710 Connie used to do thisall the time. 203 00:08:56,753 --> 00:08:57,798 If she didn't get her way, 204 00:08:57,841 --> 00:09:01,018 she'd run off and spendthe night in a grain silo. 205 00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:03,064 But she always came home. 206 00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:04,587 Trust me. 207 00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:08,678 Eddie is not mature enough tosurvive in the world without me. 208 00:09:08,722 --> 00:09:11,855 He's probably in a grain siloright now, 209 00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:16,773 ruing the day he ever lefthis comfortable bed. 210 00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:20,777 Welcome to Chez Horace. 211 00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:26,087 This is it? How long have you been here? 212 00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:27,828 Ah, just a few weeks. 213 00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:28,829 It's really startingto come together. 214 00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:30,047 Hoo. 215 00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:31,832 Where do you even sleep? 216 00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:34,095 My waterbed. 217 00:09:34,138 --> 00:09:36,532 I made it myself. 218 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,708 Go ahead. Take it for a spin.Eh, no. 219 00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:40,797 Cool. 220 00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:46,455 I'm gonna use you to solve the puzzle 221 00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:48,500 that has plagued scientists for centuries -- 222 00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:49,850 Was Eddie adopted? 223 00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,721 Stop talking to the gene sequencer 224 00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:52,766 and keep an eye out for Emery. 225 00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,506 Are you gonna confront him? 226 00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:56,291 Just be aware, he spooks easily. 227 00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:59,294 He almost killed Grandma lasttime she wore a mud mask. 228 00:09:59,337 --> 00:10:01,252 No, I'm not gonna call him out and risk how far we've come 229 00:10:01,296 --> 00:10:02,819 since Chinese New Year. 230 00:10:02,863 --> 00:10:04,865 Besides, I'm sure he has a reasonable explanation 231 00:10:04,908 --> 00:10:06,693 for why he quit the volleyball team.There he is! 232 00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:10,044 And he's...sweaty? 233 00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,656 Hey. Hey. 234 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:14,831 So, how was practice? 235 00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:17,704 Great. Coach says my spatch gameis really coming together. 236 00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:26,582 Horace, don't take this the wrong way, 237 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,106 but your apartment blows. Like, reallyblows. 238 00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:31,326 Like, I can't believe you left home for this. 239 00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:32,762 What were you thinking? 240 00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:35,330 The truth is, 241 00:10:35,373 --> 00:10:36,505 I didn't move out. 242 00:10:36,548 --> 00:10:38,681 My parents kicked me out.What? 243 00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:39,682 Why didn't you tell me that before? 244 00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:41,162 I was embarrassed! 245 00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:42,729 And plus I was hopingyou would bring 246 00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:44,774 some luxury items from your house, 247 00:10:44,818 --> 00:10:47,951 like pillows or lampsor toilet paper. 248 00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:50,737 I've been using a sack of riceas a pillow, 249 00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:52,477 and now my neck is so jacked up, 250 00:10:52,521 --> 00:10:54,523 I think one of my armsis permanently asleep. 251 00:10:56,525 --> 00:10:58,875 Yeah, that's not good. 252 00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:01,573 I can't go back now, let my mom win. 253 00:11:01,617 --> 00:11:03,097 Hey, do you want somethingto drink? 254 00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:04,925 I don't have any glasses yet,but I can rinse out 255 00:11:04,968 --> 00:11:07,101 an old bottleof contact lens solution. 256 00:11:09,016 --> 00:11:10,408 I think I'm just gonna turn in. 257 00:11:10,452 --> 00:11:11,845 Okay. 258 00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:13,629 Well, good night, Eddie. 259 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,196 It's good to have you here. 260 00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:17,415 And you can stayas long as you want. 261 00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:32,866 I think I made a big mistake. 262 00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:35,216 God, me too, man. 263 00:11:35,259 --> 00:11:37,174 Me, too. 264 00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:01,590 Thank God... 265 00:12:03,244 --> 00:12:05,681 I knew it. I knew you couldn't survive 266 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,988 out there on your own without me, and I was right. 267 00:12:08,031 --> 00:12:09,467 Come on now. Get up. 268 00:12:09,511 --> 00:12:11,121 It's after 5:00. 269 00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:14,081 Hey, um... can I get a glass of milk? 270 00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:17,780 Oh...What are you doing in my house? 271 00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:20,696 To be honest, I just neededa dry bed and something to eat. 272 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,784 I don't have any food... 273 00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:24,569 or furnitureat my house. 274 00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:26,267 It's, um --It's kind of a dump. 275 00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:28,443 What? And you just left Eddie there? 276 00:12:28,486 --> 00:12:30,488 No. He was gone when I woke up. 277 00:12:30,532 --> 00:12:31,794 Gone where? 278 00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:33,840 Here, I assume. 279 00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:34,928 Is he not here? 280 00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:39,802 Now, about that milk... 281 00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:45,373 And the coach said you're havinga special extra practice 282 00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:46,853 so you can watch "Top Gun" as a team? 283 00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:48,245 Just the volleyball scenes. 284 00:12:48,289 --> 00:12:51,248 Oh. 285 00:12:51,292 --> 00:12:52,728 Have a good practice, Emery. 286 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,686 Thanks. 287 00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:56,950 If that is your realname. 288 00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:02,607 And now the stakeout begins. 289 00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:05,088 I brought a bag of disguises. 290 00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:06,220 Are you okay playing a woman? 291 00:13:06,263 --> 00:13:08,222 Shh, there he is. 292 00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:09,484 Yes. 293 00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:26,893 Follow that Huang. 294 00:13:34,988 --> 00:13:36,903 Meet Dr. Lucas Palindrome, 295 00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:39,514 a psychiatristfrom Brooklyn, New York. 296 00:13:39,557 --> 00:13:40,907 That's the bar from the matchbook. 297 00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:46,086 Is he really going in there? 298 00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:47,870 Man: Hey. 299 00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:50,220 He quit volleyballso he could underage drink. 300 00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:52,135 What a waste. 301 00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:54,137 What do you say you dress upas Mrs.Palindrome 302 00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:56,226 and we get our pictures takenat the mall? 303 00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:57,967 Wait in the car and lock the doors. 304 00:13:58,011 --> 00:13:59,012 Where are you going,Melinda? 305 00:13:59,055 --> 00:14:00,796 To rescue my son! 306 00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:05,845 Ourson! Ourson, Melinda! 307 00:14:07,063 --> 00:14:09,022 Whoa there, partner.You can't -- 308 00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:11,024 I own a Western-style steakhouse. 309 00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:12,677 Now get your damn hand off me. 310 00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:38,616 If we go to the airport, it's a $45 flat fee. 311 00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:40,923 Just so you know.This is all your fault. 312 00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:41,968 Myfault? What did Ido? 313 00:14:42,011 --> 00:14:44,013 You lost him! 314 00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:46,842 If he's not huddled up in yourcrack den like a fetal mouse, 315 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,191 he could be anywhere. 316 00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:51,020 No offense, but you lost him first. 317 00:14:55,242 --> 00:14:56,460 Okay, we're here. 318 00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:01,030 Hey, if you see anybody with a hammer, run! 319 00:15:03,641 --> 00:15:05,948 Oh, hey, man. I just went down to the Goodwill and picked up some -- 320 00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:08,168 Oh, my God, Eddie, you're... 321 00:15:08,211 --> 00:15:10,866 thriving! 322 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,651 Hey, if either of you lost a tooth, it's in the stairwell. 323 00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:21,224 Mom? What are you doing here? 324 00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:24,184 I was worried you... 325 00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:25,837 forgot to bring clean underwear. 326 00:15:25,881 --> 00:15:29,754 Knowing you, you probably lefthome without packing any spares. 327 00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:32,192 For your information, I packed eight pairs. 328 00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:33,628 That way, I can do laundry on Sunday 329 00:15:33,671 --> 00:15:34,977 and not have to wear my swimsuitas underwear. 330 00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:37,371 We all know that mesh neverrecovers. 331 00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:40,243 You figured it out. 332 00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:41,984 I love what you've done to this place, man. 333 00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:44,944 I mean, it's not really my style, but...it works. 334 00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:48,773 Eddiedid this? 335 00:15:48,817 --> 00:15:50,079 By himself? 336 00:15:50,123 --> 00:15:52,212 I told you I can take care of myself, Mom. 337 00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:53,822 When are you gonna start believing me? 338 00:15:53,865 --> 00:15:56,259 Fine. We'll talk about iton the way home. 339 00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:58,392 No, we won't. 340 00:15:58,435 --> 00:16:00,046 I'm going to the store to buy olive oil 341 00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:02,396 for the bruschetta I'm making for tonight's dinner. 342 00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:04,267 Horace only owns... massage oil. 343 00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:07,140 You went through my nightstand?You mean the Mervyn's bag 344 00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:09,142 hanging on the bathroom door handle? 345 00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:10,360 I thought that was trash. 346 00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:12,145 Stay out of my stuff, man. 347 00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:26,072 Dad? What are you doing here? 348 00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:28,857 What are youdoing here? In a bar? 349 00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:30,206 And why did you quit volleyball? 350 00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:31,729 Because I hatevolleyball. 351 00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:34,297 But you said you loved it. 352 00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:37,083 I did at the beginning.And then I didn't. 353 00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:38,388 But by the time I figured that out, 354 00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:40,129 you'd already goneand made it "our thing". 355 00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:43,393 All of a sudden,you were Mr. Volleyball.No, I wasn't. 356 00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:45,874 You drove me to Tampa so I couldget my volleyball signed 357 00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:49,051 by former Olympic bronzemedalist Yoko Zetterlund. 358 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,053 Like I even know who that is! 359 00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:52,968 You said that was one of the topfive moments of your life. 360 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,579 Well, I lied! 361 00:16:57,538 --> 00:16:58,974 Look, this is my song. 362 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,236 I gotta go.I'll see you at home. 363 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,413 ♪ You can tell the world you never was my girl♪ 364 00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:06,547 I am a terrible mother.No, you're not. 365 00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:07,983 You just pushed too hard. 366 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,290 Being a mom is tough,and nobody's perfect. 367 00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:11,508 God knows mymom isn't. 368 00:17:11,552 --> 00:17:12,901 I know your mom. 369 00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:14,772 I bet she was real tough on you. 370 00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:16,078 Oh, no, she gave meeverything I wanted, 371 00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:17,558 never yelled at me, 372 00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:19,342 let me eat ice creamfor breakfast anddinner. 373 00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:25,522 So your mom made you into the person you are today? 374 00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:27,350 Without her constantlove and support, 375 00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:30,005 I think I would've turned out prettydifferent. 376 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,659 Mm, I bet you would have. 377 00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:35,532 Thank you, Horace. 378 00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,230 This has been very helpful. 379 00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:40,320 Do you have a piece of paper? I want to write Eddie a note. 380 00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:42,322 No, but you want to scratchon the wall? That's what I do. 381 00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:47,022 ♪ Don't tell my heart♪ 382 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,329 ♪ My achy breaky heart♪ 383 00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:51,331 ♪ I just don't think he'd understand♪Mind if I cut in, amigo? 384 00:17:51,374 --> 00:17:53,550 Dad, what are you doing?You don't know any of the steps. 385 00:17:53,594 --> 00:17:55,552 I'm the formerCha Cha King of Taipei. 386 00:17:55,596 --> 00:17:57,337 I don't need the steps. 387 00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:59,339 ♪ He might blow up and kill this man, ooh♪ 388 00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:02,168 Sorry if I made a big dealout of you playing volleyball. 389 00:18:03,169 --> 00:18:06,302 I'm sorry I lied about it. I know you love it. 390 00:18:06,346 --> 00:18:08,391 -Well... -You don'tlove it? 391 00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:11,742 I was pretending to love it'cause I thought youloved it. 392 00:18:11,786 --> 00:18:13,135 I was trying to connectwith you. 393 00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:15,181 So you don't know who Yoko Zetterlund is, either. 394 00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:17,270 Nobodydoes, son. 395 00:18:17,313 --> 00:18:19,707 ♪ You can tell your ma I moved to Arkansas♪ 396 00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:21,361 You didn't have to hide this from me. 397 00:18:21,404 --> 00:18:23,319 If you want to be a professional line dancer, 398 00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:24,799 your mom and I will support you. 399 00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:26,366 Relax, Dad. I don't. 400 00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:27,584 Oh, thank God. 401 00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,238 Your mother would'vemurdered us both. 402 00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:32,720 Line dancing is fun and everything, 403 00:18:32,763 --> 00:18:34,417 but the truth is, everyone treats me 404 00:18:34,461 --> 00:18:35,201 like I've got it all figured out, 405 00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:36,376 but I don't. 406 00:18:36,419 --> 00:18:38,595 So I'm trying out different Emerys, 407 00:18:38,639 --> 00:18:40,380 and that's hard to do when you --Spatch your spike? 408 00:18:40,423 --> 00:18:41,946 I don't know what that means. 409 00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:43,209 Neither do I. 410 00:18:43,252 --> 00:18:46,342 I guess I can come ona little strong sometimes. 411 00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:48,431 I just want to make sureI'm there for you. 412 00:18:48,475 --> 00:18:50,216 -Mind if I cut i-- -Back off, Shania. 413 00:18:50,259 --> 00:18:53,001 I'm talking to my son. 414 00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:54,742 I love that you're trying to connect with me, 415 00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:56,874 but it adds a lot of pressure. 416 00:18:56,918 --> 00:18:58,398 I just need some space sometimes. 417 00:18:58,441 --> 00:18:59,964 I get it. 418 00:19:00,008 --> 00:19:01,444 And I'll be here when you need me. 419 00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:03,229 ♪ He might blow up and kill this man♪ 420 00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:10,366 Leroy, you fixa mean Shirley Temple. 421 00:19:12,847 --> 00:19:14,544 Mom, where's Dad? 422 00:19:14,588 --> 00:19:16,329 Horace said he was attacked by a bunch of bees! 423 00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:17,199 Your dad's fine. 424 00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:20,202 That was just a clever ployto get you home. 425 00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:22,683 There's somethingI want to tell you. 426 00:19:22,726 --> 00:19:25,251 What? You're right and I'm wrong? I've heard it before. 427 00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:26,687 No. 428 00:19:28,732 --> 00:19:31,648 I was scaredI'd pushed you away. 429 00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:34,347 But after talking to Horace,I realized I hadn't. 430 00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:37,567 I pushed you out.Ew. Gross, Mom. 431 00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,308 Ew, not like that! 432 00:19:39,352 --> 00:19:41,136 Pushed you out of the nest. 433 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,704 Which ismy job as your mom. 434 00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:45,706 And as usual,I was too good at it, 435 00:19:45,749 --> 00:19:47,229 and now you're ready early. 436 00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:48,491 So you're welcome. 437 00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:49,797 Thank you. 438 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,015 Wait, for what? 439 00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:53,366 Well, you could've hadHorace's mom -- 440 00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:56,325 a nicemom who gives you hugs 441 00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:57,718 and lets you eatice cream for dinner. 442 00:19:57,761 --> 00:19:59,937 But instead, you got me,and because of that, 443 00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:01,548 you know how to take care of yourself. 444 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,291 I'm sorry I ran away. 445 00:20:05,334 --> 00:20:08,337 If it's any consolation, Horace's apartment sucked. 446 00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:09,730 Everything was covered in cat hair, 447 00:20:09,773 --> 00:20:11,122 and he doesn't even owna cat. 448 00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:14,648 Oh, I almost forgot. 449 00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:17,085 I need you to movethe computer into my room. 450 00:20:17,128 --> 00:20:19,174 What?! But you don't even use it! 451 00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:22,438 I guess I'll have to learn. 452 00:20:22,482 --> 00:20:24,962 We'll have to keep in touchsomehow, right? 453 00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:28,314 Wait... 454 00:20:28,357 --> 00:20:29,924 so I can go on the Cultural Exchange to Taiwan? 455 00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:31,708 Fine. 456 00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:36,322 Hey, this will be nice for me, too. 457 00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:39,281 I look forward to beingbumped down to part-time mom. 458 00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:40,891 So, what are you gonna do with all your free time? 459 00:20:40,935 --> 00:20:44,155 Oh, I'm sure I'll findsomeone else to boss around. 460 00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:51,989 Mom?! 461 00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:54,122 It's 3:00 in the morning. 462 00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:57,256 I have a problem. 463 00:21:06,352 --> 00:21:08,179 Jessica: You'll stop cleaning 464 00:21:08,223 --> 00:21:11,313 when I tell you to stop cleaning, Robot Louis! 465 00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:15,317 This is my favorite game. 466 00:21:15,361 --> 00:21:17,754 -Pretty cool, right? -Mm-hmm. 467 00:21:17,798 --> 00:21:19,365 Hey, wait. Where's Grandma? 468 00:21:19,408 --> 00:21:22,368 Oh, she's around.