1 00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:04,205 And here's our latest 2 00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,107 Valentine's Cattleman's creation... 3 00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:09,577 ..."The Rib-Eye Love You". 4 00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:11,745 It looks like you just fused two steaks together 5 00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,914 to make a heart. That's because I did, son. 6 00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:16,084 You can fuse anything with enough butter. 7 00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,419 That's why you never shake hands with a dairy farmer. 8 00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:21,555 You really went all out for Valentine's Day this year, Dad. 9 00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:23,057 Well, that's because your mom doesn't like it 10 00:00:23,091 --> 00:00:24,725 when I make a big deal about it at home, 11 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,994 so I have to get my fix of the holiday spirit here. 12 00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:31,065 Honey, you should be eating this 13 00:00:31,099 --> 00:00:32,900 in the comfort of your own home. 14 00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:34,902 Y'know, Eddie drives Cattleman's To-Go now. 15 00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:38,339 Oh, I know. But I don't like eating steak in front of Marvin. 16 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:41,075 He always presses his finger in it to test the done-ness. 17 00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:43,911 The man loves to touch other people's food. 18 00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:47,081 Hey, Trent, what are you doing? Where's the bow and arrow? 19 00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:48,582 The bear's supposed to be Cupid, 20 00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,184 not a medieval vampire hunter. 21 00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:51,352 The guy at the sporting goods store 22 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,720 said if Cupid used one of these, 23 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:54,188 he could make people fall in love 24 00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:55,223 with more precision and power. 25 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,990 Hmm. 26 00:00:58,426 --> 00:01:00,961 My first Valentine's Day with a girlfriend. 27 00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,296 I can't wait! Me, neither. 28 00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:03,631 I have three dates! 29 00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:05,799 One for each meal of the day. 30 00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:06,934 You guys are suckers. 31 00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:09,103 Instead of blowing money on candy and roses, 32 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:11,105 I'll be spending it at the arcade, 33 00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:12,773 investing in "Mortal Kombat". 34 00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,608 Finish him! 35 00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:17,278 I couldn't be happier to be single. 36 00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:23,083 Hey, I'm single, 37 00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:25,319 my sisters Trish, Tina, and Trudy are single, 38 00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:26,820 and we're all very happy. 39 00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:28,156 The key is keeping the bar low. 40 00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:30,458 Hey, Eddie. You can work on the 14th. 41 00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:31,825 You've got nothing going on, right? 42 00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:33,461 Big delivery day. 43 00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,296 Couples who stay in aren't making dinner. 44 00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:37,030 They're making hot... 45 00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:40,368 ...m-m-m-emories. 46 00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:47,107 -- Captions by VITAC -- 47 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,276 * Fresh off the boat 48 00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:49,977 * I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go * 49 00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:52,280 * If you don't know, homey, now you know * 50 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,514 * Fresh off the boat 51 00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,849 * Homey, you don't know where I come from * 52 00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,351 * But I know where I'm goin' 53 00:01:57,385 --> 00:02:00,154 * I'm fresh off the boat 54 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,660 You have five seconds to compete with an angry ghost car. 55 00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:08,662 Okay, decorating Cattleman's has got me thinking -- 56 00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:09,830 I know we already have 57 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,465 the perfect Valentine's Day tradition -- 58 00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:12,633 doing our taxes -- Time! 59 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,535 Sorry, this Plymouth's about to eat a kid. 60 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,205 But what if we spice it up this year? 61 00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:20,208 Oh, you mean like claiming extra dependents? 62 00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:21,809 Louis, I'm blushing! 63 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,312 Actually, I was thinking of bringing a third party 64 00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:26,380 into this relationship. What?! 65 00:02:26,414 --> 00:02:27,815 An accountant. 66 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,116 Fat chance. 67 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,618 Hear me out. It'll pay for itself, 68 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,820 and it'll give us time to try dinner and a movie this year. 69 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,655 Louis, there's nothing more romantic 70 00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:36,324 than cheating the government out of money. 71 00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:39,327 That's what we're doing this year. Case closed. 72 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,995 Mommy, would you mind helping me with this Half-Windsor knot? 73 00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:43,197 Y'know, Evan, 74 00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:45,032 you don't have to go to your mom for everything. 75 00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:47,235 I can help you with your tie. I'm wearing one right now. 76 00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:48,869 That's okay. I trust Mommy. 77 00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,239 Look, I know you're a "Mommy Guy", 78 00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,641 but some things dads live to weigh in on -- 79 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,643 shortcuts, types of charcoal, 80 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,645 seeing a plane in the sky and guessing where it's going. 81 00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,146 Louis, he's a smart kid. 82 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:03,183 He knows who to go to when he needs help -- me. 83 00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:08,456 Northwest 727 to Detroit. 84 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:13,327 What's this? We're renting the moose? 85 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:15,429 Oh, Louis. 86 00:03:15,463 --> 00:03:17,197 Delivery receipts for the week. 87 00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:20,534 I had a nosebleed in the car today, so some of those are... 88 00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,536 Well, you'll see. 89 00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,037 Whoa. There's a note in here. 90 00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:26,874 "To the Delivery Boy, you don't just deliver food, 91 00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:29,042 you deliver hope that one day we will be together. 92 00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:31,211 Xoxo." What? 93 00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:32,546 X's and O's stand for kisses and hugs. 94 00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,047 I know that! But who? 95 00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:35,683 Someone you delivered to must've slipped it in. 96 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,851 Sounds like you got yourself a secret admirer 97 00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,019 for Valentine's Day, buddy. 98 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,454 You gotta find out who it is. 99 00:03:40,488 --> 00:03:43,357 I took this job for the cash, not the anonymous love. 100 00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:44,858 Fair enough, it's your note -- 101 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,193 Fine! Geez, you win. 102 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,528 If I find out who has a crush on me, 103 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:48,696 will you get off my back, already? 104 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,464 Whoa, easy, young buck. 105 00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:52,132 Ugh, and if it makes you happy, I'll go door-to-door 106 00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,967 to see if my admirer's a young attractive lady, 107 00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:55,969 and if we have a connection, so be it. 108 00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,371 Whatever gets you off my back! 109 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:02,743 You sure you can't sit with my brother and me? 110 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:06,079 Sorry. Diane sprouted a small but mighty zit, 111 00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:08,048 and she needs us to pretend it's not there. 112 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,384 The jaws of puberty unclench for no one. 113 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,585 Okay, see you in Science. 114 00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:14,555 Big fan of all this. 115 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,824 So...how do you plan on asking Sicily out? 116 00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:18,726 I'm just gonna ask her. 117 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,394 You can't just "ask" out a girl anymore. 118 00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:22,396 Ever since Adam Block used the PA system 119 00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,231 to invite Beth Hopkins to Bennigan's, 120 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,500 things have escalated. You've gotta go big. 121 00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:29,603 I wore a tie today. I think I'll be fine. 122 00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:30,938 Girl: Look! 123 00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:35,843 Holy smokes! 124 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,678 That's what boys have been doing? Yep. 125 00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:39,613 It's a full-blown romantic arms race. 126 00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,520 Hey, Eddie! 127 00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:48,522 Nice to know someone in your family still knocks. 128 00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:50,858 Hey, so I got a love note from someone on my delivery route, 129 00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:52,693 and you're the first house on my list. 130 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,529 Um, you think I wrote you a love note? 131 00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:58,532 No, this is just a formality. Obviously it wasn't you. 132 00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:00,267 But it wouldn't be the craziest thing. 133 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,003 I mean, you did let me give you that sensual hug 134 00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:05,205 to impress my friends at that block party four years ago. 135 00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:07,274 I forgot all about that. 136 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,942 Yeah, yeah, me too. 137 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:11,712 I never thought about it again until just now. 138 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,714 Well, Eddie, 139 00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:14,882 of course I didn't write the note, 140 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,550 but I'd love to take a look at it. 141 00:05:16,584 --> 00:05:18,552 There's nothing I like more than a good mystery. 142 00:05:18,586 --> 00:05:20,488 I'm no stranger to Nancy Drew, you know. 143 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:21,722 Huh. 144 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:23,891 So you think this Nancy Drew girl could have written it? 145 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:26,059 Oh, boy. Hmm. 146 00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:29,162 I think you're gonna need all the help you can get. Come on. 147 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:33,033 Do you remember my mom going to Branson? 148 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,702 According to this Amtrak receipt, 149 00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:36,370 she was there for three weeks. 150 00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:38,205 Well, the middle school boys have really done it to me now! 151 00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,040 Who hurt you? I just need a name and an address. 152 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:41,575 Mommy will take care of the rest. 153 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:44,512 No, I just need to ask Sicily out in a big, memorable way. 154 00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:46,179 Oh, well in that case -- 155 00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:49,016 Actually, I want to talk to Dad about this. Yes! Louis! 156 00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,152 I guess I can squeeze you in. 157 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,154 Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me. Evan, I got this. 158 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,523 I can help you with anything. 159 00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:58,258 No offense, Mommy, but you're terrible at romance. 160 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,361 Me? Terrible? Oh no. 161 00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:03,697 The bullies must have concussed you. 162 00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,399 I'll make you some soup. 163 00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:07,735 Jessica, it sounds like his brain is working just fine. 164 00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:10,404 He knows who to go to when he needs help -- me. 165 00:06:10,438 --> 00:06:12,540 Now, before I help, I need to know one thing. 166 00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,374 Can you hold a boombox over your head 167 00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:15,909 for the length of a Peter Gabriel song? 168 00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:18,045 Not "Sledgehammer", it goes on forever. 169 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,212 Well, that's the point of the -- 170 00:06:19,246 --> 00:06:20,380 Doesn't matter, doesn't matter. 171 00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:21,715 I'm here now. Daddy's here. 172 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,855 Thanks so much for helping with Sicily, Dad. 173 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,022 I know you'll come up 174 00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,891 with a memorable way for me to ask her out. 175 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:33,226 No, son, we'll come up with a memorable way. 176 00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:35,362 Now, I'm gonna need you to make me a bio on her -- 177 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,197 height, weight, blood type, 178 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,966 favorite Thundercat -- the usual stuff. 179 00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,468 I'm pretty sure she's O Positive 180 00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:42,202 but I'll confirm with her pediatrician! 181 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,537 Hmm. 182 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:48,208 Do you really think you can help Evan better than I can? 183 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,978 Probably. Unlike you, I love romance. 184 00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:53,380 You stood up and booed at the end of "Sleepless in Seattle". 185 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,216 I've been to Seattle several times and slept fine. 186 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,885 And yesterday, you turned down my idea 187 00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,419 for a real Valentine's date. 188 00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:01,655 Just because I don't like being suffocated 189 00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:04,424 with stupid pink hearts and sex potions -- 190 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:05,559 Sex potions? 191 00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:07,628 ...doesn't mean I don't understand romance. 192 00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:11,298 I'm good at everything I do even if I don't like doing it. 193 00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,467 I don't wear a tie, but I pick yours, 194 00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:14,935 and I taught Evan how to tie his. 195 00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:17,771 Look, Evan chose me. He's in good hands. 196 00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:20,440 Why don't you talk to Grandma and solve one of her problems? 197 00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,314 Okay, what's your plan? 198 00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:28,982 Plan? Why would I need a plan? 199 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:31,652 I'm just gonna wing it. Eddie, this person wrote to you 200 00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:33,987 from the shadows. Classic shadow lover. 201 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:35,422 You need to go in with a little finesse. 202 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,757 That's not my game. 203 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,091 I just drive straight to the hoop, 204 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,927 head down, and hope somebody fouls me. 205 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,328 Who would foul you here? 206 00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:42,462 Please. 207 00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:44,464 I can't explain this and basketball. 208 00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:47,768 She wrote you an anonymous love note, so she's obviously shy. 209 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,604 You have to tread lightly. Draw her out. 210 00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:53,607 Timid hearts, soft hands, can't lose. 211 00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:55,776 Tell you what, when you get a secret admirer, 212 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,845 we'll do it your way. Watch and learn. 213 00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:03,350 Hi, are there any teenage females living here? 214 00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:04,852 Just one. 215 00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:06,453 Susan! 216 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,289 Sic 'em! 217 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,791 Susan's coming! 218 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,492 I have bacon in my pocket! What?! 219 00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,362 Your science fair idea is cute. 220 00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:18,365 But if you really want a home run Valentine's date, 221 00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:20,167 look no further... 222 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,036 I feel like we should hug after we get results, Dad? 223 00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:25,372 No, I'm -- I'm gesturing to Cattleman's! 224 00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:27,374 The most romantic steakhouse in Orlando 225 00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:29,509 this side of the monorail. So you're saying 226 00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:31,244 I should have my date here at Cattleman's? 227 00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:33,246 Hey-hey. Hi! You with me? 228 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,582 I'm trying to build something here. 229 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:37,184 I give you lucky Table 12. 230 00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:40,353 That table is 8 for 8 in proposals 231 00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,322 and a guarantee of a romantic evening. 232 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,992 See how the carpet is frayed right besides that chair? 233 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,695 That's from all the men getting down on their knees to propose. 234 00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,029 Really? 235 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,699 That table? I know it doesn't look like much, 236 00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,200 but there is magic in that wood. 237 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,535 That table was used on the set of "Casablanca". 238 00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:57,204 I was told. Intriguing. 239 00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:59,707 But is a table really going to compete 240 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,374 with an upside-down boy on a rope? 241 00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:03,043 Um, do you know the last people 242 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,945 who sat at that table on Valentine's Day? 243 00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:09,516 Three, two... I can't wait another second. 244 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:13,854 Nancy, will you leave here forever 245 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,689 and spend the rest of your life with me? 246 00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:18,558 I've already cleaned out the register. 247 00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:24,698 Mwah! 248 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,605 See you guys tomorrow. 249 00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:34,107 Oh, so that's where they went. Mm-hmm. 250 00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:35,943 I'm not looking to get married quite yet, 251 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,110 but that sounds great. 252 00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:38,946 Perfect, so the date is taken care of. 253 00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:41,048 Now we have to work on how you're going to ask her out. 254 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,216 Tell me how you two met. Don't tell me she was engaged 255 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,384 to your best friend. 256 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:47,621 It was in science class. We were dissecting frogs. 257 00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:49,289 Classic meet cute. Go on. 258 00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,759 She had some toe-webbing on her shirt, I wiped it off, 259 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:54,394 our eyes met, and my heart danced the dance of the gods. 260 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,830 Oh. Now, that's something we can use. 261 00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:59,667 Well, Louis, you said I couldn't do it, but I found a man. 262 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,501 What? This is Kurt. 263 00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:02,936 I picked him up off the street. 264 00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:06,439 You see, Evan, Mommy is not so terrible at romance. 265 00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:08,776 You have a kid? That's cool. 266 00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,343 Do you know how I picked Kurt up? 267 00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:13,346 Not with your father's mushy Valentine's nonsense. 268 00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,248 You have a husband? That's cool. 269 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,516 It is cool, Kurt. 270 00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:18,752 You see, I did some research, 271 00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:20,754 and the thing we call "love" 272 00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,790 is really just chemicals in the brain. 273 00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:23,857 You don't say? 274 00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:25,693 Kurt was riding his bike by my car, 275 00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:27,194 so I clipped him with my door... 276 00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,529 ...activating a surge of adrenaline. 277 00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,464 This triggered his love response. 278 00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:32,766 Science! 279 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:36,569 And you know who helps you with science? Me. 280 00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:39,873 I love this family. 281 00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:41,675 I can't wait for the holidays. 282 00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,176 Uh, Kurt, if you wanna hit the soda machine, 283 00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,178 I'll get to you in a second. You want one, baby? 284 00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:46,780 Extra ice. 285 00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:49,950 Evan, love isn't about chemicals. 286 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,952 It's about the magical connection you have 287 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,787 with someone. 288 00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:56,623 Really, Louis? No, Valentine's Day 289 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,959 is all about adrenaline and danger. 290 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:02,129 Roses with thorns, diabetes from chocolate, 291 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,164 a chubby man-child holding a weapon. 292 00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:08,168 That's why people go on dates at amusement parks. 293 00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:10,337 The rush. The rush? 294 00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,472 So I need to spike Sicily's adrenaline? Yes. 295 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,908 And what better way to do that 296 00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:19,179 than the scariest roller coaster at Thrill City? 297 00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,581 Johnnie Cochran got them out of four wrongful 298 00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,250 decapitation lawsuits. 299 00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,018 "No head, not dead." 300 00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:27,020 Come on, Evan, you're not buying this. 301 00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:29,522 I'm sorry, Dad. I can't argue with science... 302 00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:31,358 After all, that's how I met Sicily. 303 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,193 Looks like we're done here. 304 00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:35,695 Maybe there's something you can help Grandma with. 305 00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:37,697 I missed you so much. 306 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:46,039 Now, remember the last house? You can't just go up and ask. 307 00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:48,208 We need a cover story or people get weirded out. 308 00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,177 So just follow my lead. 309 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,779 Hello! 310 00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:54,614 I'm Swifty Lazar and this is Lew Wasserman. 311 00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,449 'Ello! 312 00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:58,085 We're Hollywood talent scouts 313 00:11:58,118 --> 00:11:59,753 looking for the next Britney Spears 314 00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:01,188 or Christina Aguilera. 315 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,189 Preferably Britney. 316 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,356 Oh! 317 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,192 Well, this is Seraphina. 318 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,194 Uh, she played baby JonBenét Ramsey -- 319 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,695 played the hell out of it. 320 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,030 Apparently cut for time. 321 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:13,033 Oh, she does her own make-up. 322 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,567 Wow. 323 00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,904 Howdy, ya'll. We have here a monogrammed bible 324 00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:19,072 for a Miss... Uh, what does that say, Rhett? 325 00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:20,407 I'm not sure, Sue-Ellen. 326 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,574 I know it's for a girl, though. 327 00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:24,144 Aged 14-18, probably attractive. 328 00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:28,381 Okay. Just... 329 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:31,218 Hi, there, we're -- Oh, good, you came back. 330 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,420 I tipped you a $20, meant to tip you a $5. 331 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,589 That'll be $15, please. 332 00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:42,830 So...do you like roller coasters? 333 00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:45,332 Not really. Most rides kind of scare me. 334 00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:47,667 I throw up on people movers at the airport. 335 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,669 The rush. Perfect. 336 00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:52,505 Hi, Sicily! Ribbit! 337 00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:56,243 You know, the last time I saw you, I was on a dissecting tray, 338 00:12:56,276 --> 00:13:00,413 and you and Evan had your forceps in my spleen. 339 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:01,781 Ribbit. 340 00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:03,083 What's happening? 341 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,351 Dad? 342 00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:05,685 Well, I'm here to tell you, 343 00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:07,687 that when you took out my spleen, 344 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:11,191 you also took your lab partner's heart. 345 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,793 And what Evan wants to know is... 346 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,798 Will you be my Valentine? 347 00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:20,667 Oh, my God! Of course, Evan! 348 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,135 Together: Aww! 349 00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:25,305 Now, that right there is an invitation 350 00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:28,808 for a romantic dinner at Cattleman's Ranch Steakhouse, 351 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,978 where legs like mine are sautéed 352 00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:34,381 in a mouthwatering garlic butter sauce. 353 00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:38,518 We're, uh, on the I-4, right past the old shoe factory. 354 00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:43,556 Alright. Bye. 355 00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,966 Hello, Thrill City? I would like to request 356 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,135 a roller coaster getting stuck upside down. 357 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,303 It's for my son. 358 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,971 Sorry, Evan and Sicily 359 00:13:58,005 --> 00:14:00,240 already have plans for a date at Cattleman's. 360 00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:02,142 What? Thrill City's off. 361 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,577 Evan's a romance guy. 362 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,446 Ribbit. 363 00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:11,751 Only one more house. 364 00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:13,186 Yeah, and it's my buddy, Trent's. 365 00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,188 Oh, the little ginger boy who works at Cattleman's 366 00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:16,689 and calls Louis "Hoss"? Yeah. 367 00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:19,092 But we can skip his house. There's no reason to stop. 368 00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:21,261 Actually there is -- my bladder. 369 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,930 It's a-fulllll... 370 00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,364 I'm about to burst. 371 00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:25,865 I'm, like, more pee than woman -- 372 00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:28,435 Okay, I got it. Oh. 373 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,840 We still haven't found my secret admirer 374 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,208 and you're the last house on the list. 375 00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,509 Whoa, slow your roll, Eddie. 376 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:37,844 I didn't write you the love note. 377 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,880 I wouldn't fake being a secret admirer just to cheer you up. 378 00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:41,949 What do you mean? 379 00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:43,450 I'm saying I didn't write you a pity note. 380 00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,585 Sure, people feel sorry for the lonely guy, 381 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:46,853 they fake a note, cheer him up, 382 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,688 but that's not my game. I'm not the lonely guy! 383 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,690 Well, you did take Valentine's Day 384 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,192 pretty hard back at Cattleman's. 385 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,927 We all felt kinda bad for you. 386 00:14:53,961 --> 00:14:55,295 You all felt bad? 387 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,264 Yeah. Just ask Honey. 388 00:14:57,297 --> 00:15:00,433 Rubik's Cube in the bathroom, good idea. 389 00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:01,734 You ready, handsome? 390 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,438 It was you. You wrote the note 391 00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:06,706 because you felt sorry for me. 392 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,041 What are you talking about? 393 00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:09,542 You saw how bummed I was 394 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,711 when my brothers were talking about their Valentine's dates. 395 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,247 Eddie, I don't feel sorry for you. 396 00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:16,416 You think I'm some big loser who's gonna die alone! 397 00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,251 Well, a lot of great men died alone! 398 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:20,253 Tupac, Biggie... 399 00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:22,422 Fat Joe if he doesn't cut back on the sodium! 400 00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:29,496 Louis: Welcome to Cattleman's, young lovers. 401 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,398 Bask in the romance. 402 00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:37,504 We're down to three wings, so don't order the wings. 403 00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,007 Hey, uh, thanks for taking down Mark's crossbow, Trent. 404 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,575 What? I didn't take it down, hoss. 405 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:45,112 This is a robbery! 406 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,780 Men, protect your dates! 407 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,084 Is this dinner and a show? 408 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,420 Waiter, another scotch! You want one? 409 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,023 You all should be feeling a fight-or-flight response, 410 00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:58,691 triggering hormones that induce love! 411 00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,293 Mom? Mrs. Huang? 412 00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:03,763 What's going on, Evan? You two should be feeling 413 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,799 lots of chemicals, simulating love. 414 00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,501 You're very lucky I showed up. 415 00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:10,037 Evan, this is weird. 416 00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:13,140 And not good-weird like the man-frog you hired, 417 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:14,507 just weird... 418 00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:16,509 I think I'm gonna go home. 419 00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:23,383 Well, uh... Thanks for all the help, Mom. 420 00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:25,885 Evan... 421 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:32,125 Uh, uh... How about that?! 422 00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:35,462 Cattleman's Theater, everybody! 423 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:36,963 Uh...and now 424 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:41,301 feast your ears on the vocal stylings of our very own... 425 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:42,969 Trent! 426 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:51,744 * Oh, Danny boy 427 00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:55,248 * The pipes, the pipes are calling * 428 00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:58,351 * From glen to glen 429 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,388 Keep going. 430 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:04,257 * And down the mountainside * 431 00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,201 What's wrong? You and Kurt break up? 432 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,702 Evan's already mad at me, 433 00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:18,371 I don't need you piling on because I wooed a male stranger 434 00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:20,006 to prove you wrong. 435 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,174 Well, all joking aside. 436 00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,842 Please deal with it because he is calling here 437 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,010 an unhealthy amount. 438 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,013 Cattleman's Ranch, go for Trent. 439 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,349 Kurt: It's Kurt again. I-Is my girlfriend there? 440 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,218 Hey, you know Jess. 441 00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,286 Where's her head at? She's so tough to read. 442 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:36,456 But I love that about her. I've always loved that about -- 443 00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,959 Okay. Maybe I got carried away. 444 00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:42,795 I just wanted to prove that I could be good at romance, too. 445 00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:45,965 Oh, why? You never cared about it before. 446 00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:47,367 The last time I got you flowers, 447 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,868 you took it back to the grocery store 448 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,204 and exchanged it for a frozen pack of chicken thighs. 449 00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:53,206 Fine, I don't care about romance. 450 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,208 I care about Evan. 451 00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:57,144 And I didn't get to help him on this. 452 00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:58,545 Well, that's okay. I did. 453 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,713 Yes, and you are a wonderful father, 454 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:03,550 but Evan always comes to me for everything. 455 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,719 This was a big moment for him and he didn't need me. 456 00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:08,488 It made me feel useless. 457 00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:10,323 I get it. 458 00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,559 It felt great when he finally came to me. 459 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,994 Probably why I went a little overboard myself. 460 00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:16,663 I spent $470 -- 461 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:17,830 What? $40. 462 00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:20,099 I spent $40 on a frog costume. 463 00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:23,836 Jessica, you're not useless. 464 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:27,507 He will always need you. This was one thing. 465 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:30,009 He'll keep coming to you just as he always has. 466 00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:32,612 And every now and then he might not. And that's okay. 467 00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,113 How do I prevent that from happening? 468 00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:35,248 You can't. 469 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:36,916 But trust me, as he gets older, 470 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,286 there will be a few things that you would rather I handle. 471 00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:43,022 Like, uh, the talk I had with Eddie about "long showers". 472 00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:45,592 Oh, I appreciate you keeping an eye on the water bill. 473 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,926 Hmm. 474 00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,196 Exactly. 475 00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:53,200 Any teenage males living in this house? 476 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,001 I hear how creepy that sounds now. 477 00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:56,803 You want to help me take down this bag of chocolates? 478 00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,971 I'm married to a dentist. Mama's got to get her sugar 479 00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,707 on the DL. 480 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,842 I promise I didn't write you that love note, Eddie. 481 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,212 I stopped dotting my 'I's with hearts in my 20s. 482 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,615 I'm sorry I freaked out in the car. 483 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,951 Honestly, I'm just bummed to be alone on Valentine's Day. 484 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,152 Yeah, that's normal. 485 00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:14,987 When you're a teenager, Valentine's Day 486 00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:17,324 feels like the biggest deal in the world. 487 00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,158 But the truth is, it's just another day. 488 00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,493 You're right. 489 00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:22,329 Prom is the day that matters forever. 490 00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:23,663 Hmm. 491 00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:25,164 And besides, you weren't alone. 492 00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:27,200 I had a blast driving around town with you. 493 00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:29,702 Me too. Thanks. 494 00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:31,204 Hey, you didn't touch the Rubik's Cube 495 00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:32,372 in Trent's bathroom, did you? 496 00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:34,541 What? No -- No way. 497 00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:35,708 I didn't touch anything. 498 00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:37,410 I hovered and flushed with my shoe. 499 00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:44,517 Evan, I made you breakfast. 500 00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:48,521 How are your eggs? 501 00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:50,189 I've had better. 502 00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:52,292 That's probably 'cause I put poison in them. 503 00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:54,827 Say what? 504 00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,529 No, I didn't poison your eggs. 505 00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:59,532 I was just trying to get a chemical response out of you 506 00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:02,702 so you would be ready to accept my apology 507 00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:04,571 for ruining your Valentine's Day. 508 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,039 So do you accept? 509 00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:08,040 Accept what? 510 00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:09,542 My apology. 511 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,844 You didn't apologize. At all. 512 00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:13,946 So we're doing this? 513 00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:17,350 I'm sorry I ruined your Valentine's Day. 514 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:18,685 You were right to go to your Dad. 515 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,854 His ideas aren't always terrible. 516 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,690 But when they are, you could always come back to me. 517 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,024 I know, Mommy. 518 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,459 And you didn't ruin anything. 519 00:20:26,493 --> 00:20:27,960 Sicily and I spent the rest of the night 520 00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:29,529 hate-watching the high school science fair. 521 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:32,031 All the mistakes are funny until you realize 522 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,366 it's the future of our country. 523 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,867 So we're okay? 524 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,703 Yes, Mommy, we're okay. 525 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,538 And you don't need to pretend to poison me 526 00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:39,939 to get me to love you. 527 00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:42,975 Actually, there is something I could use your help with. 528 00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:45,044 Alright, I'm back in the game! 529 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,547 Sometimes when Sicily and I hug -- 530 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,115 Louis! Evan needs you! 531 00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,221 You know, it's a shame we never figured out 532 00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,823 who your secret admirer is. 533 00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,659 I know. But in a way it's kind of fun 534 00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:01,661 having a mystery lover out there. 535 00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,496 Whoever she is. 536 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,837 Tina, it's time for supper. 537 00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:12,138 You're supposed to knock! 538 00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:14,273 When I knock and you're taking a nap, you get mad. 539 00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:15,274 I can't win! 540 00:21:15,308 --> 00:21:17,109 When's the last time I napped? 541 00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:18,445 This isn't Madrid! 542 00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:20,112 Did I say it was Madrid? 543 00:21:20,146 --> 00:21:22,281 I just put in 8 hours, I don't need this. 544 00:21:23,049 --> 00:21:24,784 Close the door!