1 00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:02,903 (slurping) 2 00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:04,905 EVAN: Stop! 3 00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:05,873 JESSICA: Who called this family meeting? 4 00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:06,907 I can't just sit 5 00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:08,776 and watch Jenny sip a Bloody Mary all morning. 6 00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:14,915 I don't have time for this. 7 00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:16,817 I have a PTA auction I need to organize 8 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:17,818 with a bunch of ladies 9 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,653 who couldn't find a tail on a four-assed cat. 10 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:22,156 That's on top of the million things 11 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:23,724 on my usual to-do list. 12 00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:25,226 And I'm out of town for a couple days, 13 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:26,760 so you have to bring Emery to volleyball. 14 00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:28,729 Don't forget his kneepads and a bottle of lemon water -- 15 00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,331 he likes lemon water. 16 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,365 EDDIE: Hit it, G-mah! 17 00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:32,566 (Ja Rule's "Holla Holla" plays on radio) 18 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:33,567 * Holla, holla 19 00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:35,336 * Anybody just ready to get 20 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,504 * Dollars, dollars 21 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:37,838 * Ladies know who can get 'em a little * 22 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,240 * Hotter, hotter 23 00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:40,708 * Come on, if you rollin' with me, follow, follow * 24 00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,176 Why did I feel the need to drive in? 25 00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:43,444 Because I'm street legal. 26 00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:44,878 I finished my Driver's Ed, 27 00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:46,380 and I can finally get my driver's license. 28 00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:48,716 -All right. -(chuckles) 29 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:51,752 Oh, wow! (laughs) 30 00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,187 I knew he was gonna drive in. 31 00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:54,522 I saw him setting up. 32 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,023 -Don't make it about you, Dad. -It's his day. 33 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,625 * Holla, holla 34 00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,193 * Anybody that's ready to get 35 00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:00,361 * Dollars, dollars 36 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:01,362 * Ladies know who can get 'em a little * 37 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,363 * Hotter 38 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:05,899 * Fresh off the boat 39 00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:07,601 * I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go * 40 00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:09,903 * If you don't know, homey, now you know * 41 00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:11,205 * Fresh off the boat 42 00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:13,541 * Homey, you don't know where I come from * 43 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,975 * But I know where I'm goin' 44 00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:17,745 * I'm fresh off the boat 45 00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:25,986 I have never seen you this excited for taco day before. 46 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:28,289 I'm just practicing for my driver's license photo. 47 00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:30,090 What do you think? 48 00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:33,127 You look like a dad on a roller coaster. 49 00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:35,796 Your driver's license photo is forever. 50 00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:36,997 You want to convey confidence. 51 00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:38,266 Step inside the mind of a bouncer. 52 00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:39,933 I'm sorry, I'm just really excited about 53 00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,302 getting my driver's license. 54 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:42,770 You're excited? We're excited! 55 00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:45,273 You're gonna be the first one of us with a license. 56 00:01:45,306 --> 00:01:47,675 And a van big enough to drive us all around. 57 00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:50,110 I regret nothing about that moped. 58 00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:52,346 Except crashing it. 59 00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:53,514 Think about all the things we'll be able to do 60 00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:54,582 once Eddie can drive. 61 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,617 We can drive through a car wash. 62 00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:59,353 We can drive through a bank ATM. 63 00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:02,656 Guys, we can drive through a drive-thru. 64 00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,325 -Oh! -BAREFOOT DAVE: And most importantly, 65 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,694 we can drive to the Insane Clown Posse concert. 66 00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:07,861 I've been sleeping with those tickets 67 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:09,930 under my pillow for a month. 68 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,500 Those Juggalo chicks are gonna go wild 69 00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:13,834 when they hear that I walked away 70 00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:15,269 from a moped wreck. 71 00:02:19,307 --> 00:02:21,309 Oh, hey. 72 00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:23,877 The PTA is fundraising for a new computer lab, 73 00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:25,145 and I need a moneymaker 74 00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:27,114 that's gonna push this auction over the top. 75 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,782 How do you feel about 76 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,185 a "win a date with the PTA president"? 77 00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:32,486 Sure, whatever, anything for the kids. 78 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,455 Do you think I need to bring floss on this trip? 79 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,489 No, right? Marvin will probably bring some. 80 00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:36,490 He's a dentist. 81 00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:37,625 -Remind me again 82 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,960 why you're surprising Marvin with a trip. 83 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,962 Marvin's been straight out since the baby came. 84 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,564 He and I are due for some boy time, 85 00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:44,965 and there is no better place than 86 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,668 the annual Chili Con Conference in Panama City. 87 00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:51,672 (sighs) You're right. 88 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,707 I can't auction myself off. 89 00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:56,410 The auction thermometer only goes to $10,000. 90 00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:58,512 All right, who's taking me to the DMV? 91 00:02:58,546 --> 00:02:59,747 It's time to get laminated. 92 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,415 -Sorry, I'm going to surprise Marvin 93 00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:02,816 with a trip to Chili Con. 94 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:03,851 If you don't want to take me, that's fine. 95 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:04,918 You don't have to lie. 96 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:07,855 I don't lie about chili. I eat it. 97 00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,158 Moms, you feeling like a DMV run? 98 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,159 JESSICA: Nope. 99 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,927 I already have to take Emery to volleyball, 100 00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,563 Evan to fencing, pick up some groceries, 101 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:16,897 and run this PTA auction 102 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,499 to build you a new computer lab. 103 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,567 Come on, Mom, I can't do donuts 104 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,435 around the Mervyn's parking lot on a computer! 105 00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:24,071 We can't just drop everything because you have something. 106 00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,406 We'll get to it eventually. 107 00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:28,376 The DMV isn't going anywhere. 108 00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:29,377 (door opens, closes) 109 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,879 Ah, I'm gonna grab the floss just in case. 110 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,084 -You ready? -(chuckles) 111 00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:39,520 The anticipation's killing me, Lou. 112 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:40,521 (both laugh) 113 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,622 Where are we going? 114 00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:43,391 -I love surprises. -I know. 115 00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:45,025 It's like you think something's gonna happen, 116 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,194 then something completely different happens. 117 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,195 Yep. 118 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,263 Please tell him, Louis. 119 00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:53,100 -(gasps) -LOUIS: We are going 120 00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:55,035 to the Chili Con Conference... 121 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,070 -Oh! -...in the heart of the Redneck Riviera, 122 00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,071 Panama City. 123 00:03:58,105 --> 00:03:59,139 I scored us passes 124 00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:00,974 that get us into the cornbread after-party. 125 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:03,311 Oh, the Chili Con Conference... 126 00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:05,479 Whoa! 127 00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:06,714 I'm glad you're as pumped as I am 128 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:09,417 because I booked us a double room at the Airport HoJo. 129 00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:10,784 They have an indoor pool. 130 00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:12,620 -Ooh. -Oh, that does sound amazing. 131 00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:15,222 -Right?! -You got room for one more? 132 00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,490 'Cause this sounds too good to pass up! 133 00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:18,225 -Wait, what? -Chili? 134 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,428 My two favorite guys? The open road? 135 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:21,795 You're checking all my boxes, Louis. 136 00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:23,230 MARVIN: It might be nice to have someone 137 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,299 who can go on a late-night antacid run for us 138 00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:26,634 in case we blow it out. 139 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,436 -(chuckles) -Well, I only have two passes, 140 00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:29,937 and they were pretty hard to come by. 141 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,171 Oh, I don't need a pass. 142 00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:32,806 I've seen Dave Matthews over 40 times. 143 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:33,907 I've never bought a ticket. 144 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,443 Um, well, what about Maria? 145 00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:37,277 Oh, we found this great new babysitter. 146 00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:38,946 It's a he! 147 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,148 But I only made two aprons, 148 00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:42,282 and we're leaving right now. 149 00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:43,484 There's no time for you to pack. 150 00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:45,185 Oh, I have a go-bag in the car. 151 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:46,954 Panama City! 152 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,189 -Ha! Let's go, bitches! -MARVIN: (laughs) 153 00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:52,860 (chuckles, sighs) 154 00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:54,628 How about some tunes? 155 00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:57,698 -No radio, it wastes gas. -How 'bout some air back here? 156 00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:59,099 No vents for me. I'm cold. 157 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,768 'Cause you're wearing that skimpy outfit. 158 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,135 If you were playing a gentleman's sport, 159 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,137 -like fencing -- -Gentleman's sport? 160 00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:05,773 Volleyball is played in the royal court! 161 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,207 Can we get a fact check? 162 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,209 Fact -- You guys are lame. 163 00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:10,444 (sword twangs) 164 00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:11,445 Ow! 165 00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:12,480 Evan hit me with his needle sword. 166 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:13,881 It's an epee! 167 00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:15,148 (both grunt) 168 00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:17,651 -Stop! -JESSICA: If you don't knock it off, 169 00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:19,387 I swear I will turn this car around. 170 00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:22,723 You missed the turn for the DMV! 171 00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:25,292 I'll take you after I finish my errands. 172 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,627 I'm your firstborn. 173 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:27,995 I should be your first priority. 174 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,797 Oh, you are. 175 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,799 I have to buy groceries so yo can eat, 176 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,368 return your white-people-are- bad-at-jumping video 177 00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:35,736 before we get charged, 178 00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:40,007 and then plan a PTA auction to raise funds for your school. 179 00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:45,479 This list makes no sense. 180 00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:46,714 The DMV is right there. 181 00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:47,848 You could take me now 182 00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:49,483 and still have time to finish all this by dinner. 183 00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:51,485 Gah, Mom, why do you have to make things harder? 184 00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:52,753 It's so easy. 185 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:55,188 (exhales sharply) 186 00:05:57,425 --> 00:05:58,759 Fine. 187 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:00,594 Let's go to the DMV. 188 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:02,663 * Yeah 189 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:03,664 (camera shutter clicks) 190 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:06,600 I'm finally free! 191 00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:07,835 Yep, you're free. 192 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,136 Free to do all this... 193 00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:12,773 But, Mom, I'm supposed to hang with the crew tonight. 194 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:15,342 You can still spend time with your ragtag group of friends. 195 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,610 -How? 196 00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:18,546 You told me I could have this all done by dinner. 197 00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:20,581 You said it was "so easy" for me. 198 00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:22,783 I see what you're doing here, 199 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:24,351 and I accept your challenge, 200 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,919 if you could even call it that. 201 00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:27,020 Great. 202 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,856 Well, now I can spend all my time on the PTA auction. 203 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,357 -Fine. -Great. 204 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,592 -Fine. -Great. 205 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:32,626 -Fine. -Great. 206 00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:33,861 -Fine. -Great. 207 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,564 -Fine! -Great! 208 00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:41,068 Okay, Meatball. 209 00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:42,269 We've got a lot of work to do 210 00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:45,606 to fix whatever it is you did to the PTA fundraiser. 211 00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,140 It's Jamie. 212 00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,610 I brought meatballs to the HOA once. 213 00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:51,979 And you don't have to worry 214 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:56,584 because I found the crown jewel of our auction -- 215 00:06:56,617 --> 00:07:00,554 my homemade baby-corn earrings. 216 00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:01,789 They're farm-to-ear. 217 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,791 Those will raise one dollar. 218 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,626 We need a big-ticket item, 219 00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:07,461 and I've already taken care of it -- 220 00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:10,898 George Foreman's prototype outdoor grill. 221 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,966 Only one in existence. 222 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,435 It uses methane as fuel. 223 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:21,775 I also have a snap-pea anklet. 224 00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:23,811 Everyone looks great in green. 225 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,513 Okay, whatever it is you're working through, 226 00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:26,914 -I need you to get to the other side... 227 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,148 (door opens) -...before the auction. 228 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:29,550 -Boom, suckas! 229 00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:32,853 Oh, you did everything? 230 00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,588 Told you...easy. 231 00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:37,424 He even got to my fencing practice early. 232 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,993 Saw him gabbing with all the other moms while he waited. 233 00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:41,629 Turns out, Shelly's cat died 234 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,030 the same day her husband left her. 235 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:45,032 Her goldfish better watch out. 236 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:46,466 These things happen in threes. 237 00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,769 Not in my family. 238 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:49,903 (voice breaking) It happens in fives. 239 00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:53,974 -Wait. Where are the groceries? -They're there. 240 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,943 Nope. They are not. 241 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,477 (sighs) I forgot. 242 00:07:57,511 --> 00:08:00,180 I tried on Evan's mask, and I couldn't get it off. 243 00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:01,882 I-I must've gotten distracted. 244 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,183 We'll just pick them up tomorrow. 245 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:06,554 Tomorrow has its own to-do list, as does the rest of the week. 246 00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:07,555 What do you think those are? 247 00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:08,622 I never really look over there. 248 00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:10,558 I just go fridge and I'm out. 249 00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:11,559 Well, the fridge is empty, 250 00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,694 and those groceries were for dinner tonight. 251 00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:14,728 If I go to the store now, 252 00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:16,129 I'll miss hanging out with my friends. 253 00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,531 You want your brothers to starve? 254 00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:18,966 No. Fine. 255 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,068 I'll just whip something up with the stuff we have here. 256 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,738 (sighs) 257 00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:26,339 My first one with his license. 258 00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:27,975 Thinks he runs the world. 259 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:31,344 Ugh, I remember when Jamie Jr. got his boat license. 260 00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:33,647 You did not want to be a duck on that lake. 261 00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:48,929 Whoo! Chili Con '99! 262 00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:49,930 You did it. 263 00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:51,531 You got right in here without a badge, 264 00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:52,600 you little minx. 265 00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:54,001 Oh, it wasn't hard. 266 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,335 No one was even checking, 267 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,404 which is a shame 'cause I was really looking forward 268 00:08:57,437 --> 00:08:59,707 to breaking out the old Honey flash-n-dash. 269 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,842 -What? -Oh. 270 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,276 You pose for a picture with the ticket guy 271 00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,945 and then when he's blinded by the flash, 272 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,413 you dash inside. 273 00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:08,115 -Right. Thank God. -Just what I thought it was. 274 00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:09,382 (chuckles) 275 00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:10,684 Hey, Marvin, check out this chili. 276 00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:11,885 It has your favorite pepper in it -- 277 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:13,854 the ghost pepper. 278 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,423 Yeah, I see it there on the chalkboard. 279 00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:18,726 All right, two samples for the ghostbusters? 280 00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:20,360 (chuckles) We'll try not to cross our spoons. 281 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,394 -(chuckles) -(chuckles) 282 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,265 Mmm. 283 00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:27,067 Hotsie-totsie. She's got a kick. 284 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,636 -Hit this, Marv. -Ooh. 285 00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:29,803 LOUIS: Oh, careful, rookie. 286 00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:30,771 This is the big leagues. 287 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,940 Mmm. 288 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,074 Meh, I've had hotter. 289 00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,576 Uh...well, then, I'll just wait for the next one. 290 00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,445 Want to save my taste buds for the really hot stuff. 291 00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:39,446 -(chuckles) -(chuckles) 292 00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:40,614 Hey, uh, Honey, 293 00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:42,750 we're gonna be on this chili train for a few hours, 294 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,051 so if you want to go get a nap in, 295 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,452 no one would blame you. 296 00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:47,721 Can't just eat for two, gotta sleep for two, am I right? 297 00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:48,722 -(chuckles) -Are you kidding? 298 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:50,257 I am wide awake. 299 00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,759 MARVIN: (chuckles) Hey, you know, actually, 300 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:52,926 a nap sounds like a pretty good idea, 301 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,395 and you two seem to have everything under control. 302 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,463 -(chuckles) -Whoo. 303 00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:57,597 But you slept the whole ride here. 304 00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:59,399 I never hit REM, Louis. 305 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,468 Hey, show her the bread section. 306 00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:02,535 She loves bread. 307 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,339 HONEY: Looks like it's just us. 308 00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:08,075 So tell me about this bread section. 309 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:11,144 It's over there where the bread is. 310 00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,850 Dinner is served, losers. 311 00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:19,519 -Mmm, this is great. -Ramen and cut-up hot dogs? 312 00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:20,921 EVAN: No, thank you. 313 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,022 I'm not gonna taint my palate. 314 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,123 Tomato season's coming. 315 00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:25,358 Hang on, I'm not even done yet. 316 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,997 No cool ranch for -- 317 00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:31,832 Hmm, oh, well. 318 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:32,866 (French accent) Bon appétit, losers. 319 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:33,934 (normal voice) That's French for "losers." 320 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,136 I'm gonna go hang out with my friends. 321 00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:39,272 Wait, what about the mess you made? 322 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,541 This is a one-pan meal at most. 323 00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:42,843 I had a few misfires. 324 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,311 Well, you have to clean it up. 325 00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:46,146 Me? Why are you always on me? 326 00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:48,782 Evan and Emery just got a free, delicious meal. 327 00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:50,183 Ha. (scoffs) 328 00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:51,184 Make them clean it up. 329 00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:52,652 I'm supposed to go hang with my friends. 330 00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:53,854 Sorry, Eddie, it's a school night. 331 00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:55,488 You will see your friends tomorrow. 332 00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:57,290 Besides, I need to drive Meatball home. 333 00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:58,726 She rolled her ankle. 334 00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:03,831 (indistinct conversations) 335 00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:05,398 Hey, hey! 336 00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:06,967 You ready for some breakfast chili? 337 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,168 Where's Marvin? 338 00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:10,170 He knows they start the burners at 8:00 A.M. sharp. 339 00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,172 Air Force One. 340 00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:13,874 Marvin has a hard travel rule 341 00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,843 that if Air Force One is on TV at a hotel, 342 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,010 he has to watch it. 343 00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,645 But this is our trip. 344 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,680 We're supposed to spend the day slinging beans, 345 00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,883 fighting heartburn, fanning our tongues! 346 00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:24,985 Oh, I-I'm sure he'll be down in a bit. 347 00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,887 In the meantime, 348 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,922 there is a German ladle manufacturer here. 349 00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:32,659 The seminar is called "Ladle-weiss." 350 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,427 You know, like from The Sound of Music? 351 00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:36,196 Yeah, sorry, it's hard for me 352 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,398 to enjoy a chili pun without Marvin. 353 00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,167 Oh, don't take it personally. 354 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,534 He just needs a break. 355 00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:42,870 He said he's all chili-ed out. 356 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:44,271 "Chili-ed out"?! (scoffs) 357 00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:45,705 Once, I saw him get a bloody nose, 358 00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:47,240 but it was actually chili coming out. 359 00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:49,109 Well, he'll get a second wind. 360 00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,078 Come on, we can still make the seminar. 361 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:52,612 Better ladle than never. 362 00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,915 You know what, save me a seat. 363 00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,083 I'm gonna run to the restroom. 364 00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:58,218 Oof. Chili Con bathroom? 365 00:11:58,251 --> 00:11:59,619 Brave. (chuckles) 366 00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:07,294 MARVIN: Oh, come on, Clinton! 367 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:08,796 Give us a wave. 368 00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,297 (chuckles) 369 00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,234 (gasps) Marvin? 370 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,936 How could you? 371 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,237 It's not what it looks like, Lou. 372 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,872 No amount of sour cream 373 00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:21,108 could wash out the taste of betrayal! 374 00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:22,109 But -- 375 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,276 Lou! 376 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,548 JESSICA: Hey! 377 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:29,582 Where do you think you're going? 378 00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:30,750 To the concert with my friends. 379 00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:31,885 I got permission weeks ago. 380 00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:33,753 That was before this happened. 381 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,624 Whoa, you've got puberty all over your face. 382 00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,759 It's not zits! It's hives! 383 00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:42,729 Apparently, he's allergic to cool ranch chips. 384 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,798 Well, how was I supposed to know that? 385 00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:46,433 Well, now I need to take Emery to the doctor, 386 00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:48,936 which means you have to take Evan to his fencing tournament, 387 00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:49,937 pick up the grill, 388 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,571 and drop it off at the PTA auction. 389 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,140 I can't. I promised my friends -- 390 00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:55,508 This wouldn't have happened if you had picked up the groceries 391 00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:56,643 like you said you would. 392 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,914 My name is Inigo Montoya, 393 00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:03,984 you killed my father, prepare to die. 394 00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:09,156 -Mommy takes a different way. -Well, I'm not Mommy. 395 00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,292 WALTER: Can we get a little AC back here? 396 00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:13,660 Yeah, my makeup's starting to bleed. 397 00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:15,762 I wouldn't mind some hype music to get me in the zone. 398 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,464 No radio. It wastes the gas. 399 00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:19,099 And you'll get plenty of music once I get Evan to his match, 400 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,934 drop the grill off at school, 401 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,702 and get us to the ICP concert. 402 00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:24,504 Can someone explain to me what "ICP" is? 403 00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,539 Hey, Eddie, can we pull over? 404 00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:27,774 My bladder's singin'. 405 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,509 Mine, too. I need to rain sunshine. 406 00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:30,710 Savages. 407 00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:32,946 This George Foreman grill is jabbing my sides. 408 00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,181 Like boxer, like grill. 409 00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:35,482 Still not feeling any airflow! 410 00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:36,549 If you don't knock it off, 411 00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:38,285 I swear I will turn this car around! 412 00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:42,956 Aw, hell no. 413 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,392 Walter, give me some of that clown makeup. 414 00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:47,827 We're going straight to the ICP concert. 415 00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:51,364 (boys chanting "ICP!") 416 00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:52,565 Don't do it, Evan. 417 00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:54,601 Don't stress-sweat into your whites. 418 00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,071 (crowd cheering, shouting) 419 00:13:58,105 --> 00:13:59,706 (glass shatters) 420 00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,308 (crowd shouting) 421 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:05,312 (music plays in distance) 422 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,514 EVAN: Technically, this could be considered kidnapping. 423 00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:09,316 EDDIE: First, kids can't kidnap. 424 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,750 Second, this is Florida. 425 00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:13,553 And third, I promised the crew I was taking them to this concert 426 00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:15,222 long before I was saddled with you. 427 00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:18,225 That guy's throwing punches with a needle in his arm. 428 00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:20,427 Seven clowns just came out of that one porta-potty. 429 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,029 Is that a pierced -- 430 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,596 Yes, yes it is. 431 00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:25,232 Someone's gonna die tonight! Yeah! 432 00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:27,334 (crowd shouting) 433 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,601 Evan, stay close to me. 434 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:31,671 Evan? 435 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,073 Evan?! 436 00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,241 Evan!! 437 00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:36,076 Okay. 438 00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:37,344 Stay right here. 439 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,779 People will donate more when they see how sick you look. 440 00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:40,780 But I feel fine. 441 00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,682 (quietly) Don't tell people that. 442 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:45,585 The auctioneer is here, and he's warming up. 443 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,387 Mommy made me mash my M&M's. 444 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:48,421 Unique New York, unique New York. 445 00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,123 Each leech must reach the beach. 446 00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:52,592 Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather. 447 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,562 Where do they find these people? 448 00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:56,896 That's my husband. 449 00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,798 I'm sorry. 450 00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,600 My boy is so sick. 451 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:03,636 Oh. Well, I don't mean to upset you more, 452 00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,705 but the George Foreman grill isn't here. 453 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:06,940 What?! 454 00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:08,141 Damn it, Eddie! 455 00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:09,642 That was our big-ticket item! 456 00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:10,978 Don't worry. 457 00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:13,213 My jewelry box is in the trunk, 458 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,881 and I've got a green bean necklace 459 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,883 that's a real pocketbook-opener. 460 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,418 Ooh! 461 00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:25,625 Wow, Chili Con and Paisley Fest on the same weekend? 462 00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:27,660 You guys must be raking it in. 463 00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:29,496 Hey, Lou. 464 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,498 I've been looking all over for you. 465 00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:34,067 Why? So you can run off and eat chili alone again? 466 00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:36,003 -I can explain. -No need. 467 00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:38,405 I knew you weren't all "chili-ed out." 468 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,007 Why have you been avoiding me? 469 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,342 It's not you, Lou. It's me. 470 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,111 I just found out I have a medical condition, 471 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:46,746 and I was too embarrassed to tell you. 472 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,615 I have the E.D. 473 00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:51,151 -E.D.? -E.D.! 474 00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:54,454 That's why Honey joined our boys' trip. 475 00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:56,523 You guys are working through your erectile dysfunction 476 00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,191 and wanted to try and spice it up. 477 00:15:58,225 --> 00:16:00,327 Erectile dysfunction? 478 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:01,528 No! 479 00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:03,630 If anything, I have the opposite problem. 480 00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:07,300 (chuckles) No, extreme diverticulitis. 481 00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:08,368 E.D. 482 00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,603 Ohh. (chuckles) 483 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,505 -MARVIN: (chuckles) -Wait, what? 484 00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:16,676 My intestines can't process small beans and seeds. 485 00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,878 But I just caught you eating chili. 486 00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:21,548 Yeah, Texas chili... beanless. 487 00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,116 -Ugh. -Yeah. 488 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:25,185 It's a sad substitute for real chili. 489 00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:26,686 But why didn't you tell me? 490 00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:29,156 Well, you put so much thought into this trip, 491 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,523 and with the second baby coming, 492 00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:32,225 who knows how much time we'll have to hang out? 493 00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:35,695 And Honey came along just so she could run cover for me. 494 00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:37,130 Still, I'm your best friend. 495 00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:39,866 -I would've understood. -MARVIN: Yeah, well... 496 00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:41,401 the doc said my E.D. 497 00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:44,437 is caused by Szechuan peppercorns. 498 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,640 That's the fourth alarm in my chili. 499 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:48,675 Yeah. 500 00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,143 I caused your intestines to fail?! 501 00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:52,479 (stammering) That's not the way to look at it, Lou. 502 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,981 The way I see it, it's a -- it's a badge of honor. 503 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,850 I've beaten every chili in the world, 504 00:16:57,884 --> 00:16:58,985 except yours. 505 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:02,155 I'm sorry I gave you E.D., buddy. 506 00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:03,556 (both laugh) 507 00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:04,757 But we'll find something new. 508 00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:06,493 -The world is our oyster. -Yeah. 509 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:07,427 (gasps) 510 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:08,828 The Oyster Boysters! 511 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,230 -(laughs) -Huh? 512 00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:11,398 We'll keep thinking. 513 00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:12,532 (both laugh) 514 00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,867 Paisley Fest! 515 00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:17,304 Flash-n-dash works every time. 516 00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:21,274 (indistinct shouting, glass breaking in distance) -EDDIE: Evan! 517 00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:24,611 Evan! 518 00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,513 Evan. (stammers) 519 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,515 Excuse me, have you seen a small kid 520 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,183 wearing all white, holding a sword? 521 00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:32,119 There's a kid who pointed out a spelling error 522 00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:34,221 -on my concert tee. -That's him! 523 00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:36,423 Yo. 524 00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:39,092 Do you know where the nearest bus stop is? 525 00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:41,261 Dude! You cannot walk away like that. 526 00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:43,630 You scared me to death. We're going back to the van. 527 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,132 I'm not going anywhere with you. 528 00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,366 Look around. 529 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,734 We're in hell. 530 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,702 You're my responsibility, Bro. 531 00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:50,937 Doesn't seem like it. 532 00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:53,140 Seems like you only care about what you want. 533 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:56,075 Oh, really? I've been driving you around the past two days. 534 00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:57,377 I even made you dinner! 535 00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,611 Never even heard a thank you. 536 00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:00,079 Do you hear yourself? 537 00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:02,282 Mom drives you around every day. 538 00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:03,616 She does everything for you. 539 00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,084 She took you to get your driver's license 540 00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:07,086 and you didn't say squat. 541 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,222 Don't worry, I never thanked my mom, 542 00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:10,757 and I turned out fine. 543 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,126 Come on. 544 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,327 I need to find the guys 545 00:18:14,361 --> 00:18:15,328 so I can tell them 546 00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:16,996 I'm taking you to your fencing tournament. 547 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:18,931 We don't need to look that hard. 548 00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:20,667 (indistinct shouting, glass breaking) 549 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,836 I don't need to pee anymore. 550 00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:26,339 I can't believe it. 551 00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:29,242 Thanks to Eddie, we're stuck with this hot garbage. 552 00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:31,110 And now for the big-ticket item of the night -- 553 00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:33,280 handcrafted vegetable jewelry, 554 00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:35,148 which has taken over my home office. 555 00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:38,918 Our model, Jamie, is sporting a pair of baby-corn earrings 556 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,020 to match her cherry tomato watchband. 557 00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:42,054 Do I hear an opening bid? 558 00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:45,258 Let's start the bidding at $10. 559 00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:46,426 $10, bidder looking. $20, $10. Bidder looking, $20. 560 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:47,760 Come on, folks. Open up your wallets. 561 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,462 This is for the kids. 562 00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:51,431 I need an opening bid at $5, $6, $7, $8, $9, $10. 563 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:52,765 $5, bidder, bidder, looking for $10. 564 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,434 $5. Kids need a new computer lab. 565 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,503 -We're losing money here. -AUCTIONEER: Just $5, folks. 566 00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:57,604 (stamps foot, sighs) 567 00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,439 -How about $4.75, $4.50? -Okay, can it, Meatballs. 568 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:00,707 (feedback whines) 569 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:01,708 Sorry, folks, 570 00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:02,842 that was just a glimpse 571 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:04,110 into the last five weeks of my life 572 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,545 planning this night, 573 00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:09,982 but now for the real big-ticket item of the evening -- 574 00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:11,150 a date with me! 575 00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:13,019 You and I will enjoy dinner 576 00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,887 at a five-star restaurant of my choosing 577 00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:16,289 for no more than an hour. 578 00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:19,158 We won't talk sports, religion, politics, or pop culture. 579 00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,293 I will be reading a book. 580 00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:22,462 Of my own choosing. That I wrote. 581 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:25,998 Okay, let's start the bidding at $100,000. 582 00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:30,837 (imitating auctioneering) 583 00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:32,138 This is for the kids, folks. 584 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,706 And I'm gonna talk fast... 585 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:34,807 (imitating auctioneering) 586 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,243 (door opens) 587 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:37,410 JESSICA: (imitating auctioneering) 588 00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:38,911 There you are! 589 00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:40,547 Okay, Meatballs, you're back in. 590 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:41,914 Where have you been? 591 00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:43,650 I went to the concert with my friends. 592 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,585 -What?! -EDDIE: And then I came back here. 593 00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,720 I know I've been complaining about everything 594 00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:49,322 you've made me do the past two days, 595 00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:51,524 and then I realized you've been doing this for me 596 00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:52,592 my whole life. 597 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,494 That's what being a mom is. 598 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,229 Yeah, I didn't realize that 599 00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:57,930 until I drove a mile in your shoes. 600 00:19:57,964 --> 00:19:59,266 So, thank you. 601 00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:01,501 I didn't mean to heap all that on you, 602 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:04,904 but I want you to understand what responsibility really is. 603 00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:07,674 I'm sorry I made it so difficult. 604 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,410 You're not any more difficult than Evan or Emery. 605 00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:13,179 I know that you think I'm harder on you than them, 606 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,781 but that's just 'cause you're the first. 607 00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:17,049 Anytime you're figuring out something new, 608 00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:18,251 so are we. 609 00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:19,552 So I'm a trailblazer! 610 00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:21,454 Your father and I call you a guinea pig. 611 00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:23,055 Fair. 612 00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:24,957 In the future, I'll try to make it easier. 613 00:20:24,991 --> 00:20:27,294 Mm. I can't promise that I will. 614 00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:31,030 -AUCTIONEER: Thank you so much. -Were you auctioning yourself? 615 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,064 (sighs) Yes. 616 00:20:32,098 --> 00:20:34,601 I'm sorry you had to witness those jackals 617 00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:35,868 fighting over your mother, 618 00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:39,105 but let's see how much these horn-dogs pay for a grill. 619 00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:41,541 AUCTIONEER: This is an XL grill. Let's see XL prices. 620 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,576 $150, bidder, bidder. Looking at $150 right here. 621 00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:46,413 $175. Good! $200, there. $200, $225, bidder looking, $250. 622 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:53,653 (indistinct talking through speaker) 623 00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:55,054 EDDIE: Can I get two large sodas? 624 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,055 Diet for me. 625 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,590 Trying to watch my fencing figure. 626 00:20:57,624 --> 00:20:59,626 Do we think it's safe to eat fish here? 627 00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:01,227 They better not be out of curly fries. 628 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,261 Pigtails. 629 00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:04,564 Make sure they put plenty of catsup in the bag! 630 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:05,732 What are you, the Queen of England?! 631 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:06,899 It's ketchup. 632 00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,601 Guys, just give me your order! We don't have all night! 633 00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:10,903 Can I get a cheeseburger? Cheese on the side. 634 00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:13,172 Anyone wanna go halfsies on the soft serve? 635 00:21:13,205 --> 00:21:14,507 I only like the cone. 636 00:21:14,541 --> 00:21:15,575 Oh, I should get my mom fries. 637 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,610 WALTER: Ask if they have any old burger buns. 638 00:21:17,644 --> 00:21:19,912 -Seagull bait! -Don't get too attached to your order. 639 00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:21,481 This place will blow it. 640 00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:22,982 TRENT: Last time I came here... 641 00:21:23,015 --> 00:21:24,784 I don't know how you do it. 642 00:21:24,817 --> 00:21:26,453 I yell a lot. 643 00:21:29,522 --> 00:21:32,459 -- Captions by VITA --