1
00:00:03,271 --> 00:00:04,772
Okay, we've got four deliveries.
Let's hit the road, Grandma.

2
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:10,044
Hey!
People paid for that food.

3
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,214
Cattleman's To-Go
doesn't stand for

4
00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:15,183
Cattleman's
to-go-out-of-business, okay?

5
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,250
Don't make me
kick you out.

6
00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:23,457
How do you even have
a license?

7
00:00:27,295 --> 00:00:29,397
[ Loud rap music plays ]

8
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,899
[ Music stops ]
Hey!

9
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,039
[ Chinese opera music plays ]

10
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:44,712
What is this?
Bats mating?

11
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,919
A person is making
this noise?

12
00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:53,521
An angel.

13
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:54,522
I'm changing it back.

14
00:00:54,555 --> 00:01:01,462
**

15
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:04,465
I can slap all day.

16
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,268
[ Sighs ]

17
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:09,703
-- Captions by VITAC --

18
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:10,871
* Fresh off the boat

19
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,440
* I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go *

20
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:14,608
* If you don't know, homey,
now you know *

21
00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:16,076
* Fresh off the boat

22
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:18,446
* Homey, you don't know
where I come from *

23
00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:19,747
* But I know where I'm goin'

24
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:22,750
* I'm fresh off the boat

25
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:25,219
Radio DJ: Next up, it's what
you've all been waiting for,

26
00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:28,422
88.7 FM's "The Lurch" giveaway!

27
00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:30,224
Call in to win
the biggest prize of the year!

28
00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:31,259
Jessica:
Everybody ready?

29
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:32,660
Fingers nimble?

30
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,528
So nimble.
I've been practicing my dial.

31
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:37,265
One-point-seven seconds flat.

32
00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:39,633
Home phone,
Grandma's phone --

33
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:40,668
whose phone is this?

34
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:43,504
Derek Jeter was hitting
on you?

35
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:44,805
I know you don't like men,
Nicole,

36
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,440
but you could've at least gotten
a gift bag.

37
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,776
-Honey, get off the phone!
-Sorry, Jessica!

38
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,444
Okay all you radio-heads --
haha --

39
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:51,979
it's time to get
on those phones!

40
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:54,148
Caller 88 wins the big prize,

41
00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:55,249
starting now!

42
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:56,450
Wait for it...

43
00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:57,951
wait for it...

44
00:01:57,985 --> 00:01:59,987
go, go, go!
[ Rapid beeping ]

45
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,789
[ Busy signal beeps ]

46
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:04,158
[ Groans ]
Busy signal!
Us, too!

47
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:05,526
[ Line rings, clicks ]
Hello?

48
00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,695
Congratulations,
you're caller number 88!

49
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,463
[ Laughs ] We won!

50
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:11,599
[ Squeals ]
I knew we could do it,

51
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:12,966
we are
a well-oiled machine.

52
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,202
Like B2-D2.

53
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:17,538
Now, as our lucky winner,
you get to choose

54
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,807
your grand prize --
a resort getaway for two

55
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,975
at Sandturtles...
Sounds expensive.

56
00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:24,144
...or the brand-new Office '98
software bundle!

57
00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:26,380
The entire bundle?

58
00:02:26,414 --> 00:02:27,548
Including Access?

59
00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:28,616
Access to what?

60
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:29,683
Who cares?!

61
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:30,951
So, what'll it be?

62
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,986
Well, obviously the getaway,
right?

63
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,054
Definitely.

64
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,889
I could really use a weekend
by the pool.

65
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:38,226
Lie back, relax,
soak up some rays --

66
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,527
UV rays, not stingrays.

67
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:40,561
I wasn't confused.

68
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:42,830
[ Chanting ]
Bundle! Bundle! Bundle!

69
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:44,498
How do we tell
the boys?

70
00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:47,468
We're taking Sandturtles.

71
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,470
Cool beans,
the getaway it is!

72
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:50,671
Nooooooooo!
Come on!

73
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:53,040
You don't need a computer.
You have your brains.

74
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:55,976
Now, I'm assuming
this vacation package

75
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,312
comes with a free bathing suit.
I like the ones

76
00:02:58,346 --> 00:03:00,514
with the little skirt on them
so I can twirl.

77
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,316
Sorry guys,
the bundle sounds good,

78
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:03,817
but your mom
really needs this.

79
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,052
Totally fine,

80
00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,255
I'll just keep writing
my school essays in Paint.

81
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:09,189
Oh, that sounds cool.

82
00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:15,896
So my birthday party
is gonna be epic.

83
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,565
Phase one, laser tag.

84
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:18,766
Phase two, pizza.

85
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:20,067
The square kind.

86
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,236
Phase three, an appearance
by a special guest.

87
00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:24,472
Hint --
he went to UMass Amherst.

88
00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:27,107
[ Whispering ] Trent just sat
on my sunglasses.

89
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,076
[ Whispering ] You can't say
anything -- he's a guest.

90
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:31,279
So you're coming,
right, Eddie?
Definitely.

91
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:32,846
I need something
to look forward to

92
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,615
after a whole week
of driving with Grandma.

93
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,617
Why?
Grandma is fascinating.

94
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,252
Lots of layers
to that gal.

95
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:39,787
I'd love a day in the car
with her.

96
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,255
Not with the Chinese opera
she plays.

97
00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:44,958
And every time I try to put in
my O.G. Best of '95 mix,

98
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:45,959
she slaps me.

99
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:48,262
Eddie, you've been mainlining
hardcore rap

100
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,430
since you were 9.

101
00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:51,265
You gotta ease your grandma in
with the soft stuff.

102
00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:52,466
Hmm.

103
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,101
Kinda like how my dad
eased me into wasabi

104
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:55,536
with horseradish.

105
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,371
I just need to find
the horseradish of rap.

106
00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:59,273
Let's crack open
those Case Logics.

107
00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:00,741
Yeah.

108
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,048
These aren't mine.
These are Dad's.

109
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,317
[ Inhales sharply ]

110
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:13,621
**

111
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:16,290
Why are these sunglasses
so small?

112
00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:17,558
[ Sighs ]

113
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:20,828
Wow.
This place is beautiful.

114
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,963
It's like an Olive Garden
and a Tommy Bahama store

115
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,299
got together
and made a resort baby.

116
00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:28,235
We earned this.

117
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,671
Let's find out
how much we earned.

118
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,843
Hi, how much did you pay
for this vacation?

119
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,277
Does it start
with a four? Five?

120
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:38,946
[ Inhales sharply ] Six?

121
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,948
It doesn't really matter
how much it costs,

122
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,950
as long as it gets our marriage
back on track.

123
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,452
What?

124
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:46,954
Sandturtles is a place
for troubled couples

125
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,656
to rehabilitate
their marriages.

126
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,992
See, there's an entire itinerary
planned for this weekend.

127
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,295
Ugh. From 2:00 to 2:30,

128
00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:57,531
we're washing
each other's areolas?

129
00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:58,832
Auras.

130
00:04:58,866 --> 00:04:59,867
The emanation
of our souls.

131
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:02,102
Ugh!
That is even worse.

132
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,804
There must be
some kind of a mistake.

133
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,373
We're just here
for vacation.

134
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,140
Great, Kelly,
now they're upset.

135
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,509
You're always
oversharing.

136
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:09,810
Well,
you're too private!

137
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,178
Ken: Well, I like to think!

138
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:12,546
Well, watching you think
is boring!

139
00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:13,647
Oh, really, Kelly?

140
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,282
No matter what happens,

141
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,618
I'm not returning
the swimsuit.

142
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,219
I already ripped out
the liner.

143
00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:22,490
**

144
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:23,957
I was just thinking.

145
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,660
Could you imagine
if a dog got loose back here?

146
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:27,728
Boy, oh, boy.

147
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:32,700
We should go get gas.

148
00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:33,901
Better to be safe
than sorry.

149
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,969
Speaking of safe,

150
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,871
I know you didn't like
my rap music before,

151
00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:39,907
but that was because
I should've eased you in.

152
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:42,142
Introducing Will Smith.

153
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,144
He's the horseradish
of rap.

154
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,345
He never cusses,

155
00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:48,081
and he only raps about
soft stuff like aliens,

156
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:50,083
summertime,
and going to Miami.

157
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:53,220
I will allow it.

158
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:54,755
Awesome.

159
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,757
And when you're ready,
we'll go up the rap chain --

160
00:05:56,790 --> 00:06:01,028
Mase, Puff Daddy, Jay-Z, DMX,
until we get to Biggie.

161
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,730
He's the toughest guy
out there.

162
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,264
He's kinda who I take after,
you know.

163
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:05,566
Really?

164
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,267
You're not Biggie.

165
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:08,402
You're Will Smith --

166
00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:09,670
soft.

167
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,271
[ Cassette clatters ]

168
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:14,575
**

169
00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:16,877
[ Breathes deeply ]

170
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:24,284
Hi. Uh, sorry to interrupt
your...deodorant check...

171
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,353
but we heard you're the owner
of this resort?

172
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,856
Yes, I'm Guru Sheela,

173
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,925
and I was just starting my day
with a little self-hug.

174
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:33,093
A self-hug sounds nice.

175
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,795
That's how I stand
on the train.

176
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,764
We heard this is
a couples' retreat?

177
00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,599
And there are classes
all weekend?

178
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:41,435
We don't have classes.
We have journeys.

179
00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:43,236
Pass.

180
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:44,538
We're just gonna go sit
by the pool.

181
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:47,875
So, everyone at Sandturtles
is required

182
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:51,278
to follow the itinerary
so that we can all bond

183
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:54,281
over a shared experience,
okay?

184
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:56,817
So you can go through
the program or leave.

185
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,418
Oh, um...

186
00:06:58,452 --> 00:07:01,822
I want to go in the pool
and then in the hot tub

187
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,757
and back in the pool.

188
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:06,226
All right, look, Googoo Sheela,
is it?

189
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,461
Here's the deal.

190
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:08,962
Our marriage is great.

191
00:07:08,996 --> 00:07:11,298
Louis and I are like
a well-oiled machine.

192
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,467
We're not like the other suckers
that paid to be here.

193
00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:15,235
I mean, uh,
this place is lovely

194
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,670
and you seem very sweet,
but --

195
00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:18,138
We don't need
this garbage.

196
00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:20,674
I think you do.

197
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:24,011
The greater the resistance,
the greater the need.

198
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:27,314
Well, that sounds like
some commie bull--
Okay, you know what?

199
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:28,415
We're -- We're gonna, uh,
hit the guava station,

200
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,683
and then we'll be back.

201
00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:31,952
I have to go say good morning
to the sun.

202
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,821
Of course you do.

203
00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:37,457
[ Sighs ] Can you believe
that woman?

204
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:38,826
She thinks we need
to be here?

205
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:39,927
We don't have
any problems!

206
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,995
Let's just load up on towels
and go.

207
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,932
No. We're gonna prove to her
that we're the best couple here.

208
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,134
We're gonna stay.
And we're gonna win.

209
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:49,302
I don't think
this is a competition.

210
00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:50,638
It is now.

211
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:53,040
And we are going to win.
Okay.

212
00:07:57,210 --> 00:08:00,213
Welcome all to Sandturtles,

213
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:03,283
the preeminent healing place
for broken couples.

214
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:06,654
Together, we are going
to find the nexus

215
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,856
of all of your problems.

216
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,457
Is there a trophy
for the winner?

217
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,893
Well, my hope is that
by the end of the retreat,

218
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:14,294
you'll all be winners

219
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,863
and that the trophy
you'll leave with

220
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,798
is the partner
you came with.

221
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,800
You could've
just said "no."

222
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:23,704
So, here at Sandturtles,
you are no longer individuals.

223
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,639
You are now units,

224
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:28,742
and as such,
I'm going to ask you right now

225
00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:31,478
to name those new units.

226
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,479
Let the work begin.

227
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,214
Okay.

228
00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:36,550
How about
"Best Couple Here"?

229
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:38,418
Or "No Problem Havers"?

230
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:39,720
No, those are awesome,

231
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,388
but, you know,
I can't get comfortable.

232
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:42,756
It's these mats.
I know.

233
00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:43,924
My back is acting up, too.

234
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:44,992
Let me ask
for some chairs.

235
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,093
Googoo Sheela.

236
00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,096
I'm hearing you.

237
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,163
These mats
are hurting our back.

238
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,364
Can we get some chairs?

239
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:52,532
So, here at Sandturtles,

240
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:55,002
we prefer you closer
to the ground.

241
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,104
It's where human beings
are the most vulnerable.

242
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,939
To what?
Snakes?

243
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,273
Uh, Jessica
was just joking.

244
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:01,341
We don't need chairs.
[ Chuckles ]

245
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,776
Thank you so much.

246
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:04,111
This retreat has been great
so far.

247
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:07,180
Good. Good.

248
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:09,116
What was that about?

249
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:10,618
None of the other couples
asked for chairs.

250
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:13,020
You want to win, right?
No, I want Mr. Stupid

251
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,288
and his wife, Mrs. Idiot,
to win.

252
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:19,593
**

253
00:09:19,627 --> 00:09:21,762
Our new name
is Starfish.

254
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:23,263
We both love the ocean,

255
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:25,465
and starfishes
are just so cool.

256
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,968
Yeah, actually, uh,
the plural of "starfish"

257
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:29,436
is "starfish,"

258
00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:31,872
so, hence our name,
Starfish.

259
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,041
You're always criticizing me
in front of other people.

260
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,276
I-I don't know
why I do that.

261
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,544
I'm sorry.

262
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,881
I've never heard you say that
before.

263
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:44,284
Starfish has found
their nexus.

264
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:45,719
Snaps for Starfish.

265
00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:48,155
[ Snapping fingers ]

266
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:49,657
Great work, you guys.

267
00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:54,628
Our name is...

268
00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:55,629
Jessica.

269
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:57,464
Uh, we wanted to combine
our names,

270
00:09:57,497 --> 00:10:00,233
but we couldn't choose "Jouis"
for obvious reasons,

271
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:01,935
and "Lessica" just
sounds negative.

272
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:03,971
I did pitch Lewbacca,
like...

273
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:07,274
[ Imitates Chewbacca ]

274
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:10,077
...but that was also nixed.

275
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,278
Interesting.

276
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,279
Moving on.

277
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:14,281
Wait, wait!

278
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:15,348
No "Snaps for Jessica"?

279
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:16,616
Oh, come on, Starfish.

280
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,118
I snapped for you.

281
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:20,287
Can't force a snap.

282
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,521
**

283
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:23,623
Can you believe Grandma
said I was Will Smith?

284
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:24,992
She called me soft!

285
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,827
A lot of great things
are soft --

286
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,595
pillows,
marshmallows...

287
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:29,629
Gnocchi...

288
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:30,831
We could go on
all day.

289
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:33,133
I'm sure you could,
because you're soft.

290
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,267
But I'm not!

291
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:35,803
On my first day of school,
a kid insulted me,

292
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:37,705
and I smashed his hand
in a microwave.

293
00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:38,806
I'm hardcore.

294
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,473
That's me.
That's who I am.

295
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:42,009
I don't see
what the big deal is.

296
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:45,145
How would you like it if Grandma
called you disorganized?

297
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:46,013
[ Gasps ]

298
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,414
Exactly.

299
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:53,854
How is that our song?

300
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,028
Grandma,
I am not Will Smith.

301
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,496
Will Smith is for softies
like Evan and Emery.

302
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:08,468
It's better to be safe
than s--

303
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,870
[ Gasps ]

304
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:13,373
Oh, is that one
of Biggie's rap lines?

305
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,047
What?
But I'm Carlton.

306
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:24,151
**

307
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:28,856
Now, this next exercise
is called "Love Sandwich,"

308
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:31,058
a test
of communication.

309
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,259
Get into positions.

310
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:33,593
Let's begin.

311
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:34,928
Okay, first we need the bread.
It's on the right.

312
00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:36,263
Your right or my right?

313
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,198
We're facing the same direction,
there's only one right!

314
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,367
Oh, uh...
Oh, got it.

315
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:41,368
Oh, just rip it open.

316
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:42,335
And waste
all that bread?

317
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,370
Just do it!

318
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:44,504
Okay, uh,
your right hand,

319
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,273
45 degrees to the left.

320
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:48,241
Yep. There's the jar.
Okay, back to center.

321
00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:51,111
Great.
Now, left hand, okay, uh,

322
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:52,445
right below you
is the knife.

323
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:54,547
Okay, be careful. Be careful.
Don't cut yourself.

324
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:55,749
Oh, thanks babe.
I won't.

325
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:57,851
Wonderful.
Great communication.

326
00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,452
Snaps for Starfish.

327
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:00,453
[ Snapping fingers ]

328
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,355
Stop snapping!
You're wasting time!

329
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:03,590
Keep your head
in the game.

330
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:04,925
You know what?
Switch.

331
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,560
Uh...

332
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:09,830
Jessica: Okay, I have the knife,
now where's the jam?

333
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:12,732
Where's the jam,
Louis?!

334
00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:14,067
Stop swinging!
You're gonna cut me!

335
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:15,268
We did it!

336
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:16,603
[ Groans ]
[ Knife clatters ]

337
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:18,371
Mmm.

338
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,774
Aww, it tastes just like
our honeymoon, babe.
Aww.

339
00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:21,809
Ugh.

340
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:23,610
We just lost
because of you.

341
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:24,577
Me?

342
00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:26,446
Yes.
If you hadn't been so busy

343
00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:28,548
snapping for Starfish,
we would've won.

344
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,984
It should be us tasting
their honeymoon right now.

345
00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:35,288
**

346
00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:37,624
Terry-cloth bathrobes
are soft...

347
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:38,792
Feathers...
flower petals...

348
00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:41,128
My face
after I moisturize.

349
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:46,266
**

350
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,836
Whoa.
Cool outfit, Eddie.

351
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,270
Yeah, looking fly!

352
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:53,440
Oof, as soon as I said that,
I knew it wasn't me.

353
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,943
Thanks, boys. Gotta rep hard
at Trent's b-day, ya know?

354
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,577
Oh, please.

355
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,946
Grandma,
you got to check it.

356
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:00,113
You don't understand me
at all.

357
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:02,615
Isn't that
a Will Smith song,

358
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:04,985
"Grandparents
Just Don't Understand"?

359
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:08,188
For the last time,
I am not Will Smith.

360
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,789
If anyone is soft around here,
it's you.

361
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:12,125
You read cartoons
every day.

362
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:13,927
And my mom paints
your fingernails.

363
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,996
Now let's go. I don't want
to be late for Trent's birthday.

364
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:16,997
I'm not coming.

365
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:18,131
What?

366
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:19,299
But I can't drive
without you.

367
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:22,836
I have cartoons
to read.

368
00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:24,537
You know what?
Fine.

369
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:25,873
Biggie wouldn't need
his grandmother anyways.

370
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:27,140
I can drive
my damn self.

371
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:29,342
[ Scoffs ]

372
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:31,544
Um...cotton balls?

373
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:34,047
I think the game is over.

374
00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:38,785
I can't believe
we failed another exercise.

375
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:39,887
We almost had it.

376
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:42,956
Okay,
now turn to the left.

377
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,158
Take three giant steps.

378
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:50,397
Okay, now swim!

379
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:54,134
Guru Sheela never said the pool
was off limits!

380
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,468
That was
the most direct path.

381
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,337
I don't know why this keeps
happening to us.

382
00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,472
We are obviously
the best couple here.

383
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,808
The only reason we're failing
is because Sandturtles is crazy.

384
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,710
I run a restaurant.
I know how to make a sandwich.

385
00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:05,645
And why does everything
have to involve blindfolds?

386
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,380
We are both blessed
with sight.

387
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,416
And "find the nexus
of your problems"?

388
00:14:09,449 --> 00:14:11,351
Uh, Earth to Sheela,
there is no nexus,

389
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:13,686
we don't have any problems.
You're just nutty.

390
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,957
All we wanted was
a relaxing weekend by the pool.

391
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:21,094
Let's go find Guru Sheela
and talk some sense into her.

392
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:22,762
Sounds good. But can you give me
like two minutes?

393
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:23,997
I can't go outside
with wet hair.

394
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:25,032
I'll achoo.

395
00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:29,736
**

396
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:30,770
Guru Sheela,
we need to talk.

397
00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:31,939
Louis and I don't need
to do

398
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,206
your crazy exercises

399
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,774
to show
we're a good couple.

400
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,109
So for the rest
of the weekend,

401
00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:38,611
we're sitting by the pool,
and that is final.

402
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,113
I see.

403
00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:41,681
And is this
what Jessica wants,

404
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,083
or is this
what Jessica wants?

405
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,385
Jessica just needs
some pool time.

406
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,187
Me?

407
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,421
You wanted this, too.

408
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,723
You just said
in the room,

409
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:53,193
"These exercises are all crazy,
Guru Sheela is a nutbag!"

410
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:54,727
No, no, no.
I didn't use the term "nutbag."

411
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:55,895
You know what?

412
00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:58,098
We thought we didn't have
any problems, but we do.

413
00:14:58,131 --> 00:14:59,099
It's you.

414
00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:00,200
You're the nexus.

415
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,869
-What, me?
-Yes, you.

416
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,804
You are so busy
being the good guy.

417
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:07,207
That's why we lost
the sandwich competition.

418
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,109
Not a competition.

419
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:10,243
You always make me do
the dirty work,

420
00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:11,278
and I'm sick of it.

421
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:13,780
Yes, there it is.

422
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,348
Snaps for Jessica.

423
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:24,791
Will you please
stop snapping?!

424
00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:26,960
I was just celebrating
the breakthrough.

425
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:28,996
And if you two want
to explore this further,

426
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:31,764
I would suggest
the penguin hug exercise.

427
00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:33,100
Not a chance.

428
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,102
I think we're just
gonna explore it here,

429
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,103
but it does sound cute.

430
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,171
Okay.

431
00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:40,107
There you go again,
hanging me out to dry,

432
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:41,774
like an Italian woman's
laundry.

433
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:43,676
I'm sorry. I just didn't want
to hurt her feelings.

434
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,345
What about me?

435
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:46,779
You always make me do
the dirty work

436
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,448
and then you don't even
back me up.

437
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,783
Like when I asked Guru Sheela
for the chairs.

438
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,185
Well, I don't want
to anger someone

439
00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:54,121
who clearly has access
to potions.

440
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:57,024
It's not just this retreat.
It happens all the time.

441
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,958
Like the other day
with the boys.

442
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:01,961
We both wanted this vacation
and not the bundle,

443
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:03,496
buthad to be the one
to tell them.

444
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:05,132
But that's your thing --
you tell it like it is.

445
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:06,333
I thought you liked
doing that.

446
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:09,302
Just 'cause I'm great at it
doesn't mean I enjoy it.

447
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:14,774
**

448
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:20,280
**

449
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,382
You think Biggie
would stop?

450
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:25,852
Naw.
He would push through, like a G.

451
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:32,459
**

452
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,460
[ Engine sputters ]

453
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,695
Crap.

454
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:37,864
**

455
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:47,707
You were right.
I'm soft.

456
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,008
I ran out of gas
and had to walk home

457
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:50,543
because I was too scared
to hitch a ride.

458
00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:53,480
And then I got freaked out
because I thought I saw a wolf.

459
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:54,714
Turned out to be a cat.

460
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:59,052
A kitten.

461
00:16:59,086 --> 00:17:00,753
Come, I'll help you.

462
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,589
* Psycho react
from a drunk kick *

463
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:05,325
* You better back up
before I turn into a nine clip *

464
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:08,661
* Loaded, now the fools
in the ground lookin' moldy *

465
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,330
* It's a gang of us

466
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,899
* You know, you know,
you know, you know, yeah *

467
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:14,301
How'd you learn
to do all that?

468
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:26,613
What was in them?

469
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,785
Whoa. How come you didn't
tell me about this before?

470
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:35,888
[ Sighs ] When you've lived
a hard life,

471
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:38,425
you'd rather not be reminded
of it.

472
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:40,427
So that's why you like
soft stuff

473
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,095
like Garfield
and Will Smith.

474
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:45,432
I only call you Will Smith
because you're a good kid.

475
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:47,234
And you're lucky.

476
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:51,271
You don't have to live
a hard life unless you want to.

477
00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:52,305
You want to try?

478
00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:56,576
Ugh!

479
00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:57,610
Oh damn, it burns!

480
00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:59,446
Holy crap!
How do you handle that?!

481
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,248
[ Laughs ]
[ Coughing ]

482
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:02,782
**

483
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:05,718
And remember,
like actual sand turtles,

484
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,454
you need to keep returning
to the resort

485
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:10,056
and laying your eggs
of love.

486
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,791
Now, snaps for everyone.

487
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,593
[ Snapping fingers ]

488
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:14,794
[ Sighs ]

489
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:17,297
What a miserable weekend.

490
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:20,667
Here comes Starfish.

491
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,935
Oh, my God, you guys,

492
00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:25,305
this has been
such an amazing weekend.

493
00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:27,440
Right? Hey, we should keep
these good times going, huh?

494
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:28,508
You want to have a drink?

495
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:33,513
No, I don't want to.

496
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:35,982
Okay.
Uh, are you sure?

497
00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:38,117
Yeah.

498
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:40,153
Oh, I'm so sorry
about him.

499
00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:43,456
He hates drinks.
And he hates good times.

500
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:45,325
If it were up to me,
I would totally go.

501
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:47,260
Great,
just the three of us, then.

502
00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:51,364
Huh?
First round of Mai Tais
is on Ken, okay?

503
00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:52,799
So, you a fan of the Devil Rays
yet?

504
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,334
Nope, I'm out.

505
00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:56,469
I just remembered --

506
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:59,806
I can't go get drinks with you
because I don't like you.

507
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:02,309
Bye.

508
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:07,280
Ugh.

509
00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:08,281
I couldn't do it.
I broke.

510
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:09,516
I saw.

511
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:10,650
I don't know
how you do it.

512
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:13,286
My cheeks hurt
from fake-smiling so hard.

513
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:14,821
I don't know how you could
be the bad guy.

514
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:16,356
My heart is beating
so fast.

515
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:17,724
You would've gone to the bar
with them.

516
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,326
Yeah, and I would've bought
season tickets

517
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,360
to the Devil Rays.

518
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,529
You're right.

519
00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:24,631
I do like
being the bad guy.

520
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,799
Yeah, but instead of hanging you
out to dry,

521
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,368
I could do a better job
of supporting you.

522
00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:30,002
And maybe once in a while

523
00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:33,640
I could tone down
my public thunder.

524
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,542
Oh, crap.

525
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:37,009
She was right.
We did need this.

526
00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:38,745
Mm.

527
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:39,746
Penguin hug?

528
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:41,881
Yes.

529
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:48,588
**

530
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:50,857
Action.

531
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,492
Mom, Dad, you're home!

532
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:53,526
Emery:
How was your vacation?

533
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,595
You must be so tired.

534
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:57,730
The type of tired
where cooking sounds terrible.

535
00:19:57,764 --> 00:20:00,099
Hey, yeah, great point,
Evan.

536
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:02,001
What do you say
we order a pizza?

537
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,536
What an idea, Emery!

538
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:05,572
Nice try.
You're not getting pizza.

539
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:09,108
Both: [ Chanting ] Pizza!
Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!

540
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:10,743
You heard your mom.
No pizza.

541
00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:15,615
[ Exhales sharply ]
That was so hard.

542
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,216
Don't worry.
It gets easier.

543
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:19,852
Y'know, after two days of guava,
pizza did sound good.

544
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,121
We'll order one
after they go to bed.

545
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:29,629
Okay, Grandma, let's kick
this off Big Willie-style...

546
00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:32,231
Hey!
What was that for?

547
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:34,367
You're tougher
than I thought.

548
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:36,068
You have graduated
to Mase.

549
00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:39,939
* What you know
about goin' out? *

550
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:41,207
* Head west, red Lex *

551
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,775
* TVs all up in the headrest *
I'll take it.

552
00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:44,277
* Try and live it up *
Mase is way harder
than Will Smith.

553
00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:45,778
* Ride true, bigger truck,
piece all glittered up *

554
00:20:45,812 --> 00:20:47,380
* Stick up kid, what? *

555
00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:49,916
* Bad, bad, bad, bad boy *
* Yeah *

556
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:52,118
Delivery tax.
* You make me feel so good *

557
00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:53,653
* Bad boy *
* You know you make me feel
so good *

558
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:54,854
* You know you make me feel
so good *

559
00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:01,928
Radio DJ: Congratulations,
you're caller number 12!

560
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:03,596
You've won
our weekly giveaway --

561
00:21:03,630 --> 00:21:04,631
We don't want
the prize.

562
00:21:04,664 --> 00:21:05,665
Uh, excuse me?

563
00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:06,999
You lied to us.

564
00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:09,969
We thought we were getting
a relaxing resort vacation,

565
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:11,938
instead, you made us work
on our marriage.

566
00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:13,773
Not cool, bro.
Not cool.

567
00:21:13,806 --> 00:21:15,775
I -- I'm sorry?

568
00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:17,610
Yeah, you should be.
Okay.

569
00:21:17,644 --> 00:21:20,680
Well, do you still want
the prize you just won, or...?

570
00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:21,981
What is it?

571
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:23,783
A package of hand towels!

572
00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:25,184
Yes, yes,
a hundred percent yes.
Now, that's a prize.

573
00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:26,386
Ooh, party!