1
00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:07,575
Ugh, that shadow's back, and
it's not doing us any favors.

2
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:08,909
Should we bring
the lamp in again?

3
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,244
Enough with the lamp,
enough with the shadow.

4
00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:11,312
Let's do this already.

5
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:12,846
Sorry, but it's gotta
be just right.

6
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,648
Plus, I'm a dad.
Taking forever with a camera

7
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:15,849
is a part of my brand.

8
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:18,252
Should I smile mouth-closed
or mouth-open?

9
00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:20,888
Mouth-open. Makes you look like
you were caught mid-laugh.

10
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:23,491
This is so dumb.

11
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,993
We take the same Christmas card
photo every year.

12
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,062
And every year, our smiles
are a little different.

13
00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:29,497
Yeah, but these
old pajamas aren't,

14
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,065
and they're riding up
the ol' chimney.

15
00:00:31,099 --> 00:00:32,833
Well, deal with it,
ya scrooge.

16
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:33,867
Look at us.

17
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:35,436
I don't normally
toss out this word,

18
00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:37,338
but we're real cute.

19
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,040
[ Chuckles ]
Maybe instead of cute,
we go for funny this year.

20
00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:42,110
Evan and Emery can pretend
these lights are handcuffs,

21
00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:44,878
and I'll be like,
"No, I'm innocent!"

22
00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:46,514
Save your pranks
for Halloween.

23
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,182
Christmas is about
tradition.

24
00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:49,350
Don't bring Halloween
into this.

25
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,519
Halloween has no dog
in this fight.

26
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:52,620
Okay, we're all set.

27
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:53,854
All right.

28
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,023
Turn on the lights, Jenny.

29
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,292
Three, two, one.

30
00:00:58,326 --> 00:00:59,360
Pull!

31
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,195
Ugh.

32
00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:04,198
[ Camera shutter clicks ]

33
00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:06,567
-- Captions by VITAC --

34
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:07,735
* Fresh off the boat

35
00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,437
* I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go *

36
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,739
* If you don't know, homey,
now you know *

37
00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:13,040
* Fresh off the boat

38
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,376
* Homey, you don't know
where I come from *

39
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,810
* But I know where I'm goin'

40
00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:19,580
* I'm fresh off the boat

41
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,616
[ Christmas music plays ]

42
00:01:26,354 --> 00:01:27,721
Hey, what are you doing?

43
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:28,789
Upgrading my stocking.

44
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,758
I'm too old for Large Bird.

45
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:32,460
Evan and Emery can stick
with their knock-off

46
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,428
Biscuit Monster
and Trash Grump.

47
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:36,297
Nice try.
You just want a bigger stocking

48
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:37,565
so you get more stuff.

49
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:38,632
I thought you'd like it.

50
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:40,734
It's a classic red stocking.

51
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:43,003
It used to say "Tim" in glitter,
but I picked it off.

52
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:44,805
No.
Large Bird stays.

53
00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:48,576
Here you go, Frosty.

54
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,144
Nope, too close
to the rabbit.

55
00:01:50,178 --> 00:01:52,413
Don't want it
to eat your nose.

56
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,182
Can't put you next to
the snow-woman.

57
00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:56,517
Don't want any Christmas
surprises.

58
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:58,986
Frosty's not an A-squad
ornament, hang him in the back.

59
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:00,621
You heard the lady.

60
00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:03,757
It's not so bad back there.
You can get away with more.

61
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:06,594
Another Christmas
in Jessica Town.

62
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:11,765
Oh, and the milliner finally
kicked her hard cider addiction.

63
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:14,335
Mm.
She looks so much younger.

64
00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:17,104
Each one of these ornaments
tells a story.

65
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:20,874
This pineapple symbolizes the
time we bought tropical fruit

66
00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,710
from a gas station
and all got sick.

67
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,144
I lost 3 pounds.

68
00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:26,380
Nicole sent me an ornament
that tells a story, too --

69
00:02:26,414 --> 00:02:28,616
how there is no
truer common ground

70
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,451
between a lesbian
and a 15-year-old boy

71
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,985
than the movie "Wild Things."

72
00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:33,554
We're not hanging
that on the tree.

73
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:35,323
Fine, I'll just put
it over my bed.

74
00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:36,657
Why?

75
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,894
While we're on
the subject of Nicole,

76
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:43,130
she asked if I could come visit
her in New York for Christmas.

77
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,065
The Big Apple,
Concrete Jungle --

78
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:46,467
We spend Christmas
together.

79
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,635
It's tradition.

80
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,637
You don't change
tradition.

81
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,905
Every other family is a mess
during the holidays --

82
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:56,143
not us, we cruise right through
it because we are consistent.

83
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,411
We stick with what works.

84
00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:59,747
We'll revisit
this later.
No, we won't.

85
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,882
And the dance begins.

86
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:03,351
Mom, she's ready.

87
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:06,186
Ah, there she is.

88
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:08,922
Awaken, my sweet.

89
00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:10,324
So we can't put
"Wild Things" on,

90
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:11,992
but this old battle axe
is allowed up there?

91
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,228
Yes, because for 15 years,

92
00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:15,896
she's perched atop
of our tree

93
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:20,000
and watched one perfect
Christmas after another.

94
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,502
My angel.

95
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:26,607
**

96
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,842
[ Clatter ]

97
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:31,712
[ Laughs ]

98
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:41,855
**

99
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,292
I took the 20-sided dice
from "Dungeons & Dragons,"

100
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:45,926
so we are gonna be zipping
around the board.

101
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,861
Not if Emery can't
choose his token.

102
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,197
Come on, we only have eight
hours blocked off for this game.

103
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,132
He's right, pick.
This game takes days.

104
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,101
I can't.
I love the clean look

105
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:56,770
of the iron, but also
the hat is so dapper,

106
00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:59,239
and then there's the dog --
probably a rescue.

107
00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:01,542
So, since Honey, Marvin,

108
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,076
and Nicole are in
New York this year,

109
00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:05,045
we have three empty seats
we need to fill

110
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,113
for Christmas Eve
dinner.

111
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,648
We could do
just the six of us.

112
00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:08,882
We could do a thousand things,

113
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:09,950
but what we're gonna do

114
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,218
is what we always do,

115
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,586
which is nine people.

116
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,121
I just thought
it might be easier.

117
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:15,723
Save your bad ideas
for Halloween.

118
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,224
I am in charge of Christmas,

119
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,793
and my reindeer plate set
is for nine people.

120
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:22,763
We can't just leave out
Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph.

121
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:26,434
So, each one of you boys
can bring one friend.

122
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:27,935
Eddie is bringing Trevor.

123
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,002
You mean Trent?

124
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:31,004
Sure.

125
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,806
Well, that's fun.
Who are you gonna invite?

126
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,608
Zach.
He's always my go-to.

127
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:35,909
Mine's Marvin.

128
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,411
Mm.
I'm not sure.

129
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:40,748
There's Andy, Caleb,
Sydney, Kate...

130
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:41,782
Here he goes again.

131
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:43,351
Can never make a decision.

132
00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:45,353
[ Chuckles ] Must be tough
to have so many friends.

133
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:48,422
Dennis, Andrew, Janet who works
the register at Mervyn's --

134
00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:49,623
My friend Mervyn!

135
00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:52,259
No, I can't invite him
without inviting Alanis...

136
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,094
And then there's
Bobby and Dwayne,

137
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,829
and what about
the Spinelli twins?

138
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:57,365
How could I forget
about them?

139
00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:59,132
**

140
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,168
[ Tape ripping ]

141
00:05:03,371 --> 00:05:05,005
Did you get a new angel?

142
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:06,840
Oh, my God,
that's the same one.

143
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,208
They said she'd
never fly again,

144
00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,777
but she's gonna prove
them all wrong.

145
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,979
Off of that, I was thinking
maybe I could make some

146
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,614
brownies with candy canes
this year.

147
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,449
Still festive,
still a sweet treat.

148
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:17,351
Plus, we get to
smash some canes.

149
00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:19,186
I make the cookies.
You lick the bowl.

150
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:20,488
And I'll still do that,

151
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,656
but I figured I could help
you lessen the workload.

152
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,057
What's your game, Huang?

153
00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:28,829
Okay, I realized that New York
was too big a swing.

154
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,998
So, I thought I could
help you get rid of

155
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:31,965
your fear of change --

156
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,967
I don't fear change.
I hate it.

157
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,069
Right, but if we
start smaller,

158
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:38,305
you might see that change
can actually be fun.

159
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,574
You're not going to
New York by yourself.

160
00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:42,510
You're still a kid.
I'm not a kid.

161
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:43,644
I have shoulder hair.

162
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,312
Please, you still
watch Ben and Jerry.

163
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,047
"Tom and Jerry," and I haven't
watched that cartoon

164
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,248
since I was eight years old.

165
00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,083
So why do you care about
their names so much?

166
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:53,153
[ Sighs ] Okay, you don't have
to decide on New York right now,

167
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:56,023
but at least consider
candy cane brownies.

168
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:57,891
Let me ask you
a question.

169
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,427
Do you hate Christmas?

170
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:01,161
No, I love it.
It's my favorite.

171
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,896
You know why that is?

172
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:05,499
Because I spent years
perfecting it.

173
00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:07,000
We have our set plan --

174
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,669
"Miracle on 34th Street,"

175
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,103
"The Nutcracker" ballet,

176
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:12,540
snowman pancakes, and
the hour where I sing along

177
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,341
with Bing Crosby
after Christmas dinner.

178
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,444
Wait, we're still doing
"The Nutcracker"?

179
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:18,078
I thought we were done
with that snooze-fest.

180
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:20,347
Oh, we only skipped last year
because the playhouse

181
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,683
decided to do
a Disney-themed "Nutcracker."

182
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,384
Sugar plum Goofy,
no thank you.

183
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:26,286
Well, can I at least skip
the ballet this year?

184
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,856
I mean, no need to spend
50 bucks for me to fall asleep.

185
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,558
Come on,
be a little flexible.

186
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:33,360
Flexibility is not what
Christmas is about.

187
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,529
Commitment
and tradition are.

188
00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:37,397
No New York,
no brownies.

189
00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:41,435
[ Door opens ]

190
00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:42,803
[ Exhales sharply ]

191
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,477
She won't let me
do anything.

192
00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:50,711
She still thinks
I'm a little kid!

193
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,813
But I'm older now.
When will she get that?

194
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:04,291
Oh, don't tell your mom
I'm stealing her potatoes.

195
00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:12,466
**

196
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:14,301
Great idea to do breakfast
on the couch.

197
00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:16,570
This is like when that lizard
got into the kitchen.

198
00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:18,906
It's not usually my style,
but if you can't cut loose

199
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:20,741
during the holidays,
then when?

200
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:21,942
[ Laughs ]

201
00:07:24,512 --> 00:07:26,747
Oh, boy,
you have pink eye again?

202
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,415
You really need to start
washing your hands better.

203
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,917
I was up all night
trying to figure out

204
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,119
who to invite
to Christmas Eve.

205
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,420
Too hard to choose.

206
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,454
I can't narrow it down.

207
00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:35,523
I need coffee.

208
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,324
And wash your hands!

209
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:41,495
Emery always has a hard time
making decisions.

210
00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:43,597
Now you add in
Christmas and friends?

211
00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:44,932
Never gonna happen.

212
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,767
He's gonna need our help.

213
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,969
Who's Stan Mallman?

214
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:50,470
"Mail man."

215
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,606
That's our mail man.
Oh.

216
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,107
I can't ever
remember his name.

217
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,309
I just say, "Yo,"
when I see him.

218
00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:02,315
**

219
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:07,287
Oh, are you off to your job
reporting the weather?

220
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,357
[ Laughs ]

221
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:11,825
Good one, Jessica.

222
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:13,360
Oh, this?

223
00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:15,896
I just thought it was time to
start dressing more maturely.

224
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,998
You know,
because I'm maturing.

225
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:20,968
And I was thinking
about what you said --

226
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,502
how this is the season of
giving.

227
00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:25,005
Yes?
And I feel like

228
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,140
I'm at an age where
I need to start giving back.

229
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,142
So I'm volunteering
at a homeless shelter.

230
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:32,546
Wear gloves and don't give
any personal information.

231
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:35,215
It wouldn't be who
I'd give my time to,

232
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,851
but that is very
mature of you.

233
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:39,086
What can I say?

234
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:41,154
I'm growing up.

235
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,656
Oh, just one thing --

236
00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:44,558
I'm volunteering the same
night as "The Nutcracker,"

237
00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:46,159
so I can't make it.

238
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,194
Sorry.

239
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:48,862
**

240
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:51,031
[ Door opens and closes ]

241
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:57,170
* Up on the housetop,
reindeer pause *

242
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:59,773
* Out jumps Lao Ban
Santa Claus *

243
00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:01,041
[ Humming ]

244
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,677
[ Sighs ]

245
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:04,945
Oh.

246
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,716
You must be so tired
from volunteering.

247
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,350
I am.
Tough day.

248
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,085
I couldn't make
the gravy fast enough.

249
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:14,021
Homeless people put it
on everything!

250
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,189
Mm, that sounds hard.
Drink your cocoa.

251
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:17,791
Why are you being
so nice to me?

252
00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:19,860
I thought you were mad because I
had to miss "The Nutcracker."

253
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,696
Well, I realized
you were right.

254
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:24,531
I was?
Mm-hmm.

255
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,266
I do need to be
more flexible.

256
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:28,602
Right,
change can be good.

257
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:32,139
Like...maybe I can go
to New York after all?

258
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,407
[ Laughs ] Oh, God, no.

259
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:36,877
But I did flexibly
change the date

260
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:40,547
of our "Nutcracker" tickets to
tomorrow so you can still come.

261
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,581
What?

262
00:09:41,615 --> 00:09:43,884
Oh, and I had your
plaid vest let out

263
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,753
so you can match
your brothers.

264
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,320
[ Sighs ]

265
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,256
It's like you want me
to get beat up.

266
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:56,596
* I saw Mommy kissing
Lao Ban Santa Claus *

267
00:09:56,630 --> 00:10:01,769
**

268
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,570
Thirsty?
Let's cut the crap.

269
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:04,972
You need to make a decision

270
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,740
about who to bring
on Christmas Eve.

271
00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:08,676
Okay.
I don't know yet.

272
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:10,911
What he means is we all
got that go-to friend,

273
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,412
and we're gonna help you
find yours.

274
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,915
You're in the cafeteria, you've
got half a sandwich to share.

275
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,083
Who do you give it to?

276
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,617
Um, what kind
of sandwich?

277
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,586
PB&J.
Who do you give it to?!

278
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,621
Easy, Evan.
Take your time, Emery.

279
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:23,590
We're all on
the same team here.

280
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:28,829
**

281
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,263
Let's try this again.

282
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,766
You've been waiting in line for
a roller coaster for hours.

283
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,101
You finally get
to the front.

284
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,436
Two seats in the first car,
the best car.

285
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,038
Who do you take?

286
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:41,942
Um, well, Caleb has really good
posture, but Andy's very --

287
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,211
Caleb or Andy?
Just pick one!

288
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:45,312
I don't know.

289
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,380
Is it really hot in here?

290
00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:48,982
Maybe Ryan?
Ryan?!

291
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,450
Where did Ryan come from?

292
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,319
Evan, hey, walk it off.
Walk it off!

293
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:57,124
**

294
00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:00,127
You're having a bad hair day.
Who's your go-to?

295
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,462
You, Dad.
[ Sighs ]
You're damn right.

296
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,997
[ Laughs ]

297
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:06,633
Sorry to break up the party,
ladies.

298
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,736
It's winter break,
so we don't have a bedtime.

299
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:11,671
And we're not going anywhere
till we find an answer.

300
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:13,640
Forget it, I'm not
inviting anybody.

301
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,042
If it's this hard
to figure out,

302
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:17,210
maybe I don't have
a go-to friend at all.

303
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:20,547
**

304
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:23,250
Just give me ten minutes alone
with him.

305
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:28,188
[ Tchaikovsky's
"The Nutcracker March" plays ]

306
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:35,228
**

307
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:43,403
**

308
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:47,407
[ Snoring ]

309
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:51,244
**

310
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:52,913
Psst!
Eddie, wake up!

311
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:54,247
It's the Waltz
of the Snowflakes!

312
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:55,615
Ow, you pinched me!

313
00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:56,917
No sleeping.
What do you mean?

314
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:58,051
I sleep every year.

315
00:11:58,085 --> 00:11:59,286
You want
a new tradition?

316
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:00,653
Stay awake.

317
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,857
You like dancing so much?

318
00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:05,058
Let's dance.

319
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,227
[ Music stops ]

320
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:13,733
[ Run-DMC's
"Christmas in Hollis" plays ]

321
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:16,403
* It was December 24th
on Hollis Ave in the dark *

322
00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:18,939
* When I see a man chilling
with his dog in the park *

323
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:21,374
* I approached him very slowly
with my heart full of fear *

324
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:24,211
* Looked at his dog, oh, my God,
an ill reindeer *

325
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,479
* But then I was illin,
'cause the man had a beard *

326
00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:29,049
* And a bag full of goodies,
12 o'clock had neared *

327
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,551
* So I turned my head a second,
and the man had gone *

328
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,921
* But he left his driver's
wallet smack dead on the lawn *

329
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:36,623
Jessica Town is now
under martial law.

330
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:38,125
Ho, ho, ho.

331
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,259
* Took out the license and
it cold said "Santa Claus" *

332
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:40,227
* A million --

333
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,728
[ Music stops ]
Hey!

334
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,263
I know what you're doing.

335
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,999
You're not taking over my
Christmas with your nonsense.

336
00:12:46,033 --> 00:12:47,500
I don't know what
you're talking about.

337
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:50,237
You're trying to break me so
you can get whatever you want.

338
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,005
It's never gonna happen.

339
00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:53,841
Ho, ho, ho.

340
00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:04,117
Oh, this isn't over.

341
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:05,919
I've got more tricks
up my sleeve.

342
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:09,222
She may have killed the music,
but we're still dancing.

343
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,131
Her own potatoes?

344
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,636
**

345
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,206
Hmm. I hung this gator
on the wrong spot.

346
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,275
It's too animal-heavy
on this side.

347
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:31,344
This is a tree,
not a zoo.

348
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:32,645
That's a Douglas Fir.

349
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:35,215
Keep an eye on her.
They get real thirsty.

350
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,649
Not now, Zach.

351
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:38,185
Maybe here...

352
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:39,953
No, not next to
Santa's workshop,

353
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,454
I don't want him to
eat any of the elves

354
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,390
when they step out
on a smoke break.

355
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:44,457
[ Sighs ]

356
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,059
Looks like the ornament
doesn't fall far

357
00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:47,660
from the Christmas tree.

358
00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:50,530
This is where Emery gets
his indecisiveness from!

359
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,232
I know how to
make a decision.

360
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,334
Just put the gator next
to the surfing Santa.

361
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:55,402
Perfect.

362
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,906
Hmm.

363
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:01,708
Oh. Who are you?
Who's this?

364
00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:04,477
Trent couldn't come, so I
invited Cindy from the shelter.

365
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:07,147
Great, so I'm the only
one without a guest?

366
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,082
Welcome. Are you
Eddie's supervisor?

367
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:11,051
Oh, no,
I go there to eat.

368
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:13,987
Homeless...

369
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:15,588
Cindy walked
the Appalachian Trail

370
00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:17,224
all the way here
from New Hampshire.

371
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,192
Yeah, I love
being homeless.

372
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:21,661
No ties, just freedom
and fresh air.

373
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,430
And I'm friends with
a host at Olive Garden

374
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:24,932
who gives me
their leftovers.

375
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:28,668
I brought you these breadsticks
to thank you for having me.

376
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:32,072
They're a little hard,
but, um, hey, so is life.

377
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:33,306
[ Chuckles ]

378
00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:38,778
Cindy, can I get you
some cider?

379
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:39,947
Oh. Sure.

380
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,848
Great tree topper,
by the way.

381
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:45,018
**

382
00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:49,822
[ Gasps ] You put your porno
ornament on my angel?!

383
00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:54,227
[ Glass shattering ]

384
00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:03,070
**

385
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,704
"Porno ornament"?

386
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,539
Or pornament.

387
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:07,574
Right?

388
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,550
Jessica, I gotta hand it to you,
you picked a strong tree.

389
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,652
It really
held your weight.

390
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:22,956
Cindy, Zach,
Merry Christmas.

391
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:27,494
I really messed up.

392
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,229
Ah, it's okay.
I'll talk to your mom.

393
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,397
Maybe this isn't the time,

394
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:33,066
but stuff like this never
happens on Halloween.

395
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:38,738
**

396
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,241
[ Sighs ]
This tinsel is never coming out.

397
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,976
It lives here now...

398
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:45,078
[Groans]
as part of my hair.

399
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:47,580
Yeah, you really did
a number on that tree.

400
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,117
Well, now we're just like
every other family.

401
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,319
We let our Christmas
turn into chaos.

402
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:53,653
We?
[ Chuckles ]

403
00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:54,821
You.

404
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:57,424
Uh -- We.

405
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,459
I told Eddie
this would happen.

406
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:02,929
You don't mess with what works,
especially on Christmas.

407
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,032
You know who else I remember
feeling that way?

408
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,599
Barbra Streisand,
Jim Belushi?

409
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:07,934
Louis, I'm not in
the mood to guess.

410
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,136
Your mother,

411
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,271
when you wrestled parts of
Christmas away from her.

412
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,773
I was just trying to make
Christmas better.

413
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,109
She used to wrap presents
in newspaper.

414
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:18,345
Besides, I was an adult.

415
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,480
Well, Eddie is 6'2".

416
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:21,781
[ Chuckles ]

417
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,151
Look, whether we like it or not,
he's growing up.

418
00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:26,286
We can't force him to wear
that Christmas vest forever.

419
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,620
[ Doorbell rings ]

420
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,156
[ Sighs ]

421
00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:33,960
You think Marvin came back early
from New York to surprise me?

422
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,696
No, I think it's
Emery's friend, Caleb.

423
00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:38,398
I called him.

424
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,633
You and Emery
are both indecisive.

425
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,869
The difference
is you have Mommy.

426
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:45,038
So I decided to be
Emery's Mommy.

427
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:48,541
Wait, wife?

428
00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:50,510
Husband?

429
00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:51,744
Decision-maker.

430
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,012
Mm.

431
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:54,347
So no Marvin.

432
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:55,748
Emery!

433
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:58,985
**

434
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,253
What are you all
doing here?

435
00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:02,522
Evan called and said
you needed a friend.

436
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,757
And then I called Andy
who called Trish and...

437
00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:07,760
well, we all wanted
to be here for you.

438
00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:10,163
I'm Jewish and Mervyn's closes
early on Christmas Eve,

439
00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:11,431
so I was wide open.

440
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:12,865
I don't know what to say.

441
00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,334
Thanks so much for coming.

442
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,703
You don't have one go-to friend,
you have a whole bunch.

443
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,005
And a great wife.

444
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,173
Thanks, Dad.

445
00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:21,441
[ Chuckles ]

446
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:24,377
It's just like
"It's a Wonderful Life."

447
00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:25,712
Except
you should all go.

448
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,214
It's Christmas Eve.

449
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,885
And I finally decided
who my go-to guy is.

450
00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:34,521
It's you.

451
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,323
Who else would do
all this for me?

452
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,359
Hey, Merry Christmas,
Louis!

453
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,394
Yo!
[ Laughs ]

454
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,697
[ Knocking ]

455
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,399
I colored over the duct tape
with a red sharpie

456
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:49,502
to be festive but now it just
looks like she's bleeding.

457
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,705
I'm really sorry
I was such a jerk.

458
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,107
You're not a jerk.

459
00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:55,375
You're Eddie and I'm me.

460
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,744
So this is gonna
happen sometimes.

461
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:05,218
Look, I know you were
upset about New York...

462
00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:06,753
It wasn't just
New York --

463
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:09,489
you weren't open to even
the smallest change.

464
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:13,893
Listen, Eddie.

465
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,396
When you were first born,
your dad was working a lot

466
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,399
and I was overwhelmed
being a new mother.

467
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,801
I didn't know if I was doing
a good job or not.

468
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,404
But then our
first Christmas,

469
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,839
you and I had all these
fun times together.

470
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,843
Our first
Christmas card photo.

471
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:32,579
Man,
I was a cute-ass baby.

472
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,914
We watched
"Miracle on 34th Street,"

473
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,784
and you fell asleep on me
listening to "The Nutcracker."

474
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:39,586
That's why it
makes me so sleepy!

475
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,754
And when you first
saw this angel,

476
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:44,424
you were laughing
non-stop.

477
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,259
It was the best sound.

478
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:48,861
It made everything
feel okay.

479
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:51,364
It still does.

480
00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:53,700
Now I get why you don't want to
change all these traditions.

481
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:56,269
That, and letting you
make new traditions

482
00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:58,305
means admitting that
you're growing up.

483
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:01,674
And that is the change
I am really not ready for.

484
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:03,176
[ Sighs ]

485
00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:06,546
But I guess it's gonna happen
no matter how stubborn I am.

486
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:09,182
[ Chuckles ]
Sounds to me

487
00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:11,818
like someone's coming around
on Christmas brownies...

488
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:15,054
Smashy smashy
some canes?
Okay.

489
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:17,290
But we're not gonna call
them "reindeer patties."

490
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:18,958
We'll revisit this.
No, we won't.

491
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,960
And the dance begins...

492
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,496
And the dance begins...

493
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:27,834
**

494
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:31,638
What's that mess?

495
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,206
Evan:
It's a dog in a top hat,

496
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,141
holding an iron,
riding in a wheelbarrow.

497
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,210
I made it.
That's what Evan got
me for Christmas

498
00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:39,346
so I don't waste any
time picking my piece.

499
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:45,184
Tennessee Avenue.
Not doing it.

500
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:46,586
Did you know the oranges
are the most

501
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,521
frequently landed-upon
properties?

502
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:50,423
I'm not an orange guy.
It washes me out.

503
00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:53,826
The game is Monopoly,
not favorite colors.

504
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:56,996
**

505
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,831
No! Don't smash us!

506
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,500
Save me!

507
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,935
I have a family!

508
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:04,170
You wanna try?

509
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,705
I think you'll like it.

510
00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:08,741
Smash!

511
00:20:08,775 --> 00:20:11,911
Feels good, right?
Yes!

512
00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:13,780
Okay, no, calm down.

513
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:15,715
If you keep that up, you'll
put a hole in the bag.

514
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:18,718
**

515
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,724
* Sing we joyous all together!

516
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,192
* Fa la la la la...

517
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:29,028
* ...la la la laaaa

518
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,763
So festive!
So good!

519
00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:32,532
So loud!
So great.

520
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,734
Anyway, the karaoke
machine was my present,

521
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,736
so maybe I can sing
Aerosmith finally?

522
00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:38,871
Nope. We have one more
song this year.

523
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:42,975
Great, I'll just, um, play with
my new dress socks, then.

524
00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:45,712
* It was December 24th on
Hollis Ave in the dark *

525
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:48,315
* When I saw a man chilling
with his dog in the park *

526
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,650
* I approached him very slowly
with my heart full of fear *

527
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:53,453
* Looked at his dog, oh, my God,
an ill reindeer *

528
00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,888
* And then I was illin,
'cause the man had a beard *

529
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:58,425
* And a bag full of goodies,
12 o'clock had neared *

530
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,793
* I turned my head a second,
and the man was gone *

531
00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:03,596
* But he left his driver's
wallet smack dead on the lawn *