1 00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:04,138 So, for Halloween -- 2 00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:05,573 I'm not doing a couples costume. 3 00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:07,308 That's not what I was going to say, 4 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:08,909 but since you brought it up, this year, 5 00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:11,379 Halloween does fall on a Saturday -- date night. 6 00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:13,347 You wear a black dress, I go as ALF, 7 00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:14,682 and you're my puppeteer! 8 00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,050 You love black dresses 9 00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:17,351 and putting words into my mouth. 10 00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:18,652 ALF was a puppet? 11 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,188 [ Knocking on door ] Honey: Yoo-hoo! It's us. 12 00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:23,124 Ooh, give me those fat baby thighs. 13 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,161 Why is there no baby? Where's the baby? 14 00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:28,829 Sleeping safely at home. 15 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,198 We're testing out the new baby monitor. 16 00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:31,665 Marvin: [ Chuckling ] Yeah. This is the farthest 17 00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:33,000 we've ever gone without her. [ Baby monitor whirring ] 18 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,935 I can sit on your stoop and drink a glass of wine. 19 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,370 [ Both laugh ] 20 00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:37,505 [ Baby monitor shuts off ] 21 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:38,872 Oh. Oh. 22 00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,508 End of the line. Listen -- 23 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,377 we didn't just come here for monitor science. 24 00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:45,413 We came to ask if you two would consider 25 00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,515 being godparents to Maria. 26 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,517 Oh, yes, yes, yes! 27 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,352 [ Laughter ] 28 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,586 -Oh! -Oh! 29 00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:54,688 That's wonderful. Thank you. 30 00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:57,525 I knew it would either be us or Bill and Melinda Gates. 31 00:00:57,558 --> 00:01:00,194 We'd be happy to be your death back-up parents. 32 00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:03,397 [ Laughs ] And you know the great thing about godparents? 33 00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:05,133 They're always up for babysitting. 34 00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,201 We'd be honored. Any time. 35 00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:08,369 Yes! 36 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,404 How about Saturday night? Date night. 37 00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:11,405 Ooh! 38 00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:13,541 But that's Halloween. 39 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,209 Is it? We'll do it. 40 00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:16,577 -[ Laughing ] All right! -Yay! 41 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,248 -- Captions by VITAC -- 42 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,415 * Fresh off the boat 43 00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:23,083 * I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go * 44 00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:25,386 * If you don't know, homey, now you know * 45 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:26,654 * Fresh off the boat 46 00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:28,989 * Homey, you don't know where I come from * 47 00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:30,458 * But I know where I'm goin' 48 00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:33,261 * I'm fresh off the boat 49 00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:36,063 ** 50 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,765 [ As Marlon Brando ] I'm gonna make you an offer 51 00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:39,733 you can't refuse. 52 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,001 Are you The Penguin from "Batman"? 53 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:42,069 'Cause he wears a top hat. 54 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,937 [ Normal voice ] I'm The Godfather. 55 00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:45,839 You tried to kill Halloween with babysitting, 56 00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:47,475 but you've only made it stronger. 57 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:50,244 Now I can do a couples costume with Marvin and Honey's baby. 58 00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:52,180 [ Chuckles ] She'll be the severed horse's head. 59 00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:54,148 Her little face peeking out of the horse's mouth? 60 00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:56,517 [ Chuckles ] I die. I die just thinking about it. 61 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,918 What if she suffocates? 62 00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,353 Wasn't married to it. 63 00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:00,588 [ Horse mask thuds ] 64 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:01,955 So, have you boys figured out 65 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,657 your joint Halloween costume yet? 66 00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:05,659 We're gonna be Fred and Barney from "The Flintstones." 67 00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:07,828 No. I'm gonna need you both in pants, 68 00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:09,430 especially since the two of you 69 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,131 are gonna be handing out candy this year. 70 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,868 That is, if you're up for it. Listening. 71 00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:16,270 One piece of candy per kid, 72 00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:18,539 nobody gets anything for just a Dolphins jersey, 73 00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:19,973 and no white sheets. 74 00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:22,543 It's either a lazy ghost or something much worse. 75 00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,778 Dad, don't worry. We've got this. 76 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:27,781 Good, because one false move, and the house gets egged. 77 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:28,882 Sure, we can clean it all up, 78 00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:31,051 but the shame will last for years. 79 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,321 ** 80 00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:34,622 [ Sighs ] Okay. 81 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,324 So, the plan for Halloween is to meet the guys 82 00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:37,958 at the cemetery at sundown. 83 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,294 Spending the night there is gonna be so creepy fun. 84 00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:41,995 Yeah, sure, cool. 85 00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:44,465 Eddie, I'm not feeling heard by you. 86 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:47,301 Sorry. I'm trying to find a job so I can buy a car. 87 00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:49,370 Ooh! The country club's hiring! 88 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,305 Do bathroom tenants get to pee on the job, or...? 89 00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:53,006 Do they have to hold it? 90 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,643 If you want a job, why don't you just go back to Cattleman's? 91 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,045 I'm not trying to work at my pop's restaurant my whole life. 92 00:02:58,078 --> 00:02:59,647 I got my own plans. 93 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,515 I want to prove I can do this myself. 94 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,050 But you're still bringing the day-old ribs 95 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,418 to the cemetery, right? 96 00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:06,153 Of course. It's gonna be awesome. 97 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,489 I've memorized things Brian's dead grandma used to say. 98 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,224 Gonna scare the crap out of him. 99 00:03:10,258 --> 00:03:12,693 [ As Brian's grandma ] "I once got hit on by Ronald Reagan." 100 00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:13,994 [ Jingle plays on television ] 101 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,329 You know what scares me? 102 00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:16,764 That dancing bed. 103 00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:19,267 * When you need to rest your sleepy head * 104 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,902 * Go to "Beds! Beds! Beds!" and buy a bed * 105 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:23,504 [ Ding! ] 106 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,539 Beds! Beds! Beds! I can work there. 107 00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:27,408 I've spent half my life on a mattress. 108 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:28,676 I'm the king of napping. 109 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,110 The California King. 110 00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:33,914 You know, it's a longer mattress than a... 111 00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,849 You know what? You're gonna do great. 112 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:40,354 ** 113 00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:44,558 A Japanese man saved my father's life once, so... 114 00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,226 you're hired. I'll take it! 115 00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:49,129 And I'll take my commission in cash, too, if that's cool. 116 00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:51,599 [ Sighs ] No, I can't put you on sales. 117 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,033 Lucas handles sales. 118 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,234 [ Snoring ] 119 00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:57,538 Oh, he's just setting the bait. 120 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,640 Customers see a doze like that, 121 00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:01,208 they want some for themselves. 122 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,244 Now, you'll be in the back assembling beds, 123 00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:06,079 de-vacuum-packing pillows, 124 00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:08,248 making coffee. Sir, please. 125 00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:09,917 I can sell mattresses. 126 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,885 Just give me a chance. 127 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,322 Kid's got a set of springs on him. 128 00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,589 All right. Tell you what -- 129 00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:19,259 you can work our all-night Halloween Spooktacular sale. 130 00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:21,562 Oh, well I was gonna spend my night in the cemetery, 131 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,963 but you know what? 132 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,765 I'll be here. I won't let you down. 133 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:26,434 * Yeah 134 00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,402 ** 135 00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:29,703 [ Door opens ] 136 00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,507 Why are you throwing away candy? 137 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:35,576 I am saving the boys some guesswork. 138 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,677 I'm chucking all the Smarties. 139 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,512 Sweet chalk? I don't think so. 140 00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:40,414 Get this -- Marvin and Honey 141 00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:43,250 made us a list of baby instructions. 142 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,519 "Ask her permission before you check her diaper. 143 00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:47,488 No peek-a-boo after 4:00 p.m." 144 00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:49,990 "Don't let her watch lacrosse on TV"? 145 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,759 [ Chuckles ] New parents. 146 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,994 Did you tell them how amazing we were with our babies? 147 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,329 Of course, for like an hour. 148 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,597 And they still gave you the list? 149 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,165 White people love lists. 150 00:04:58,198 --> 00:04:59,767 As if we need baby instructions. 151 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,268 Hey, Evel Knievel, here's how you jump 152 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,270 15 buses on a motorcycle. 153 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:06,106 Let's file this with that recipe for upside-down cake 154 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,041 that Honey gave me. 155 00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,543 Alley-oop! 156 00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:11,211 [ Laughs ] 157 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:12,613 Is this a Mervyn's bag? 158 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:14,114 When are we gonna stop reusing bags? 159 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,384 We're doing really well. We can buy trash bags. 160 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,720 [ Insects chirping ] 161 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,655 [ Soft music plays in background ] 162 00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:25,292 [ Heavy breathing ] 163 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,294 [ Dramatic music plays ] 164 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:30,964 ** 165 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:32,733 -Aah! -[ Screams ] 166 00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:35,503 Trent, what are you doing here? 167 00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,871 Couldn't let my best bud work the 'ween all by himself. 168 00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:39,673 I did some trick-or-treating on the way over 169 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,675 so you'd have enough chocolate to stay up all night. 170 00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,210 Aren't you supposed to be at the cemetery? 171 00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:44,645 Nah, I stopped by, 172 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,547 but, honestly, what's the big deal? 173 00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,148 You think I haven't been to a graveyard before? 174 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,817 I've lost several loved ones. 175 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,685 [ Crowing ] 176 00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,153 Die, Satan! [ Crowing stops ] 177 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,488 [ Gasps ] 178 00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:56,156 Seemed like he was gonna be a distraction. 179 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:59,593 ** 180 00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:01,529 I can't believe they thought we were "Men in Black." 181 00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,030 "Men in Black" wear sunglasses, 182 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,698 Mulder and Scully wear badges. 183 00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:07,501 When I opened the X-Files, I knew there'd be doubters. 184 00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:09,069 People fear the unknown. 185 00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:10,771 We live in it. 186 00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:12,372 The Baby Ruth is out there. 187 00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:13,674 You did it, Mulder. 188 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,743 [ Knocking on door ] Children: Trick or treat! 189 00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,177 [ Indistinct conversations ] 190 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,846 Thanks again for babysitting. 191 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,681 Honey and I are gonna make the most of our night out. 192 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,383 My spinach can is full of rum! [ Imitates Popeye's laugh ] 193 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:24,852 We are so happy to help. 194 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,688 In fact, I don't think I've ever seen Louis happier. 195 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,523 [ In Italian accent ] It's-a me, Mario, 196 00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:31,592 and my little helper, Yoshi! 197 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:34,027 [ Laughs ] There are no girl dinosaurs, Louis. 198 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:35,362 That's how they got extinct. 199 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,964 -[ Cries ] -Okay! 200 00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,398 So fun! 201 00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:40,934 Now, don't forget -- bedtime is 7:30. 202 00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:43,103 Well, I mean, you know that. 203 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,038 -You have the list. -Memorized. 204 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,775 You two go enjoy your night. This is nothing for us. 205 00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:50,110 We'll get her down and have time to clean your kitchen, 206 00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,813 which needs it. [ Softly ] Hi. 207 00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,915 There you go. Aww... [ Crying stops ] 208 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,950 I'm surprised to see the daughter of a dentist 209 00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:58,218 using a pacifier. 210 00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,653 That's what I say. 211 00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:02,523 Everybody knows that the suck leads to buck. 212 00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:06,326 Teeth. Buck teeth. 213 00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:08,562 [ Laughs ] We really need this night out. 214 00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:09,730 Hey, guys, 215 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,264 you're really good with babies. 216 00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:13,634 Do you think maybe you could wean her off it? 217 00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,603 -Hallo-wean her off it. -No problem. 218 00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:18,238 We got Eddie to take the paci in one night. 219 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,408 Both: * That with the sun's love 220 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,811 * In the spring 221 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:27,615 * Becomes the rose 222 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,382 [ Insects chirping ] 223 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:36,023 Emery was even easier. 224 00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:37,357 Don't forget -- you're looking at 225 00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:39,426 a couple of seasoned baby whisperers. 226 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,528 [ Marvin chuckles ] 227 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,262 Now, go neck in the woods, you crazy kids. 228 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,097 -We got this. -[ Laughs ] 229 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,199 Thank you. 230 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,435 [ Maria crying ] Put it back in! Put it back in! 231 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,970 [ Crying stops ] 232 00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:53,807 [ Crying resumes ] Oh! 233 00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,175 Gosh! Uh. 234 00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:56,209 [ Crying stops ] 235 00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:57,878 This baby's broken! 236 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,050 We've sung "The Rose" eight times, 237 00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,117 and she still cries for the pacifier. 238 00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,285 You must not be in key. Don't worry. 239 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,220 Costume number two should do the trick -- 240 00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:09,823 Kuato from "Total Recall." You just don't recognize me 241 00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,625 without a mutant baby coming out of me. 242 00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:13,961 This chest hole will be comforting like the womb. 243 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,796 She won't even miss the paci. 244 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,297 Open your mind. 245 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,466 [ Crying ] I was wrong! Get her out! 246 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,401 Put her down! Put her down! Get her out! Ohh! 247 00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:22,803 I don't understand what's happening! 248 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,471 It was so easy with Eddie! 249 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,073 The truth is... 250 00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:28,408 it might not have been as easy with Eddie as you thought. 251 00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:31,011 Both: * The rose 252 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,882 [ Crying ] 253 00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,316 [ Door opens ] 254 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,552 [ Crying continues ] 255 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:42,856 [ Crying continues ] 256 00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:45,025 [ Crying stops ] [ Sighs ] 257 00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:49,663 Louis! You were completely undermining my parenting. 258 00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:50,998 I wasn't undermining. 259 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,533 I was collaborating while you were not in the room. 260 00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,836 Besides, I only did it once or twice. 261 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,270 A night. 262 00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:58,672 For a year or so. 263 00:08:58,706 --> 00:08:59,907 Oh, my God. 264 00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:01,108 Well, you were finally getting some sleep. 265 00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:02,843 I didn't want him to wake you. 266 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,678 Eventually, he outgrew the pacifier 267 00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:06,013 and no one was the wiser. 268 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,015 Not being wise is being dumb! 269 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,282 You made me dumb! 270 00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:10,784 [ Doorbell rings ] Children: Trick or treat! 271 00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:12,385 I put a sign on the door! [ Maria crying ] 272 00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:13,553 Damn this holiday! 273 00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:15,255 Okay, you take Halloween. I'll take the baby. 274 00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,424 Apparently, I'm the only one of us who has the stomach 275 00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:19,192 to do the hard work of good parenting. 276 00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,361 Stomach? If that's a dig at my Kuato hole, 277 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:22,930 you're taking it a step too far. 278 00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:25,565 ** 279 00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,034 Okay, here it goes -- 280 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,869 sales pitch. 281 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,237 [ Exhales deeply ] 282 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,905 I'm guessing you're a man who runs hot. 283 00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:34,307 You know I am. You make me sit on paper towels 284 00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:36,043 when I come over for "Crash Bandicoot." 285 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,911 Okay, just -- You're not Trent. 286 00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:39,212 You're my pretend customer. 287 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,748 [ Deep voice ] Yes, yes. Please go on. 288 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,382 So, you sleep hot, 289 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:45,452 but say your wife gets easily chilled. Yes, my wife, 290 00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:47,220 Sarah Michelle Gellar, runs cold. 291 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,389 I call her "Buffy the Thermostat Slayer." 292 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,758 [ Chuckles ] Fine. 293 00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:53,593 You and your wife, the gorgeous, famous actress, 294 00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:55,495 will both love this hybrid model 295 00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:57,564 with our patented hot-away foam on top -- 296 00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:58,766 [ Normal voice ] Shh! 297 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,902 D-Did you hear that? 298 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,436 [ Creaking ] [ Scoffs ] 299 00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,973 Relax. It's just the vibrating function. [ Creaking stops ] 300 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:07,307 The only thing you should be scared of 301 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,576 is a delivery fee, which we waive. 302 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,812 I wasn't scared. Besides, we're safe here. 303 00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,180 I locked the door when I came in. 304 00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,082 Trent! How am I supposed to sell a mattress 305 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,283 if the door is locked? 306 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:19,186 Not by making excuses like that. 307 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,755 [ Knocking on door ] [ Indistinct conversations ] 308 00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,657 All: Trick or treat! 309 00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:25,258 Hello, friends. What have we here? 310 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,995 Britney Spears. Hit me baby one more time? 311 00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,865 Evan: And three Harry Potters! 312 00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:34,134 Please compliment your mothers on your scar makeup. 313 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,269 I did mine myself. 314 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:37,805 Mm. 315 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:41,809 [ Candy clatters ] 316 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:44,912 Trick or treat! 317 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,115 Weren't you just here, Britney? 318 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,683 I don't know what you're talking about. 319 00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:51,218 [ British accent ] I'm Hermione Granger. 320 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,987 Candy-loriam! Chocolatose! 321 00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:56,323 Mulder? A word. 322 00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:58,225 [ Quietly ] What do we do? It's the same girl. 323 00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,127 Dad said one piece of candy per person. 324 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,062 What if she's telling the truth, Scully? 325 00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:04,031 I want to believe. 326 00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:06,299 Fine, but if we run out of candy, 327 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,534 the egging is on you. 328 00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:10,971 Sorry about my partner, Scully. Such a skeptic. 329 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,139 Trick or treat. 330 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,140 [ Both gasp ] 331 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:17,010 [ Scary music plays ] 332 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:20,413 I solved the trick-or-treat problem. 333 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:21,882 Snipping wires is not as stressful 334 00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:23,817 as they make it seem in the movies. 335 00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:26,053 Permission to sniff your bottom? 336 00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:27,420 You brought the baby list? 337 00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:29,823 Uh, no, this is... our will. 338 00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:31,658 I wrote it up while you were gone. 339 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,160 You don't believe in wills. 340 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,228 You said you want to be buried with everything we own. 341 00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:36,930 Give me that. [ Sighs ] 342 00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:38,832 You dug through our trash? 343 00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,100 I was afraid I'd need it. 344 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,668 Funny, I thought you were the only parent here 345 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,270 who had the stomach for all this. 346 00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:44,537 Okay, fine. 347 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:48,008 I may have cut a few corners with Emery. 348 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:53,747 ** 349 00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:57,617 [ Emery crying ] 350 00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:59,052 [ Door opens ] 351 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,588 Shh. 352 00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:07,360 [ Emery cooing ] 353 00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:10,297 You made my mother night-nurse my son? 354 00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,799 Yes, because of you! 355 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,801 You tricked me into thinking Eddie was perfect. 356 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:16,069 I didn't want people to think there was something wrong with Emery. 357 00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:17,470 Well, now Marvin and Honey are gonna think 358 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:18,705 something's wrong with us! 359 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:22,109 We promised we'd wean Maria off the pacifier. 360 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,244 We don't deserve to be godparents. 361 00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:26,613 We were barely even parents. 362 00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,248 We need a hand. 363 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:29,716 [ Cooing ] 364 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,819 [ Scary music plays ] 365 00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:34,421 I hear someone can't sleep. 366 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,792 Trick or treat. 367 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,895 Welcome back, Hermione Britney. 368 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,564 As if. I'm Cher from "Clueless." 369 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,999 Mulder? 370 00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:49,736 She's back for a third time 371 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,238 tricking us for treats. 372 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,073 This is everything Dad warned us about. 373 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,075 What if she's a clone? It's Halloween. 374 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,244 Strange things happen. [ Sighs ] 375 00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,645 It's your show, Mulder. 376 00:12:58,678 --> 00:13:03,116 ** 377 00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:04,818 We need you to wean her off the pacifier 378 00:13:04,852 --> 00:13:06,119 like you did with Emery. 379 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,789 Well, can you take off the knife gloves? 380 00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,091 No. 381 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,392 Well, then just tell us. 382 00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:21,201 You gave Emery whiskey?! 383 00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:25,873 No whiskey. Well, that's it. 384 00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:27,274 We're all out of tricks. 385 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:28,842 Wait. We still had one more baby. 386 00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:31,144 What did we do with Evan? [ Sighs ] Evan was perfect. 387 00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:32,779 He never even took the pacifier! 388 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,481 Damn you, perfect Evan! [ Maria crying ] 389 00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:35,548 Aah. Ohh. 390 00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:41,788 That was our only pacifier! 391 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,123 Well... 392 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,724 [ Humming ] 393 00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,994 [ Crying continues ] 394 00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,898 Now, we call this pillow the faux-down hoedown. 395 00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:54,001 Just close your eyes and relax. 396 00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,969 ** 397 00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:58,305 [ Telephone ringing ] What was that?! 398 00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,140 The phone? [ Gasps ] 399 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,541 [ Ringing continues ] 400 00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,510 The call is coming from inside the store! 401 00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,846 [ Ringing stops, glass shatters ] 402 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,515 [ Scoffs ] You got to chill, man! 403 00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:09,883 That could've been a customer! 404 00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:11,584 Or a killer on the premises. 405 00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:14,321 Do you know how many people die from pillow suffocation? 406 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,722 Every witness to every murder 407 00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:17,925 who happens to be in the hospital, for starters! 408 00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,392 I'm gonna go get a mop. 409 00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:21,528 Try not to mess anything else up. 410 00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,030 [ Sighs ] 411 00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:28,168 ** 412 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,702 Hi! I'm looking for a bed. 413 00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:31,504 I work a graveyard shift and sleep all day, 414 00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:34,041 and my futon from college sucks. [ Chuckles ] 415 00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:37,277 Graveyard, sleep all day, sucks? 416 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,346 You're a vampire! I didn't invite you in! 417 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,014 Spirito spirito santi! 418 00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:42,515 Spirito spirito santi! 419 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,217 Take Eddie! He's full of blood! 420 00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:46,853 I'm uncomfortable. So... 421 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,189 ** 422 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,924 Wait! No! 423 00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:54,794 [ Sighs ] 424 00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:57,530 Damn it, Trent. This is my job! 425 00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:58,765 [ Ominous chord strikes ] 426 00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:00,867 [ Shrieks ] 427 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,536 [ Screams ] 428 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,705 [ Indistinct conversations ] 429 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,108 I found six cigar cutters, a maritime compass, 430 00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:09,309 but not a single pacifier. 431 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,877 [ Maria crying ] Shh! It's okay. It's okay. 432 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,712 I tawt I saw a puddy tat. 433 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,214 Are you kidding me? [ Clatters lightly ] 434 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,216 I thought the distraction would be good for her. 435 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,550 [ Crying continues ] 436 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:18,551 Okay, for me. 437 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:19,919 [ Groans ] [ Drawer closes ] 438 00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:22,055 Why can't I find another pacifier 439 00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:23,723 in this entire house? 440 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,125 This is all your fault. 441 00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,394 This all started with you sneaking in with Eddie, 442 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,796 and it ends here with us failing at Maria. 443 00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:32,632 You're the one who outsourced our parenting to my mom. 444 00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,267 Besides, we wouldn't even be in this mess 445 00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:35,935 if you hadn't tried to ruin Halloween. 446 00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:37,637 Well, you're not helping with the outfits. 447 00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,072 Every time she sees you, she thinks 448 00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:40,607 you're a terrifying, new stranger. 449 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,275 [ Crying continues ] 450 00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:45,245 [ Maria shrieking ] Don't cry! 451 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,580 It's me -- Honey! 452 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:49,749 [ Deep voice ] I-I-It's me, an older dentist 453 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,285 who loves floral shirts and was in the Navy. 454 00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,254 In my day, you were only allowed to cry 455 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,688 if a bone broke through the skin. 456 00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:57,957 [ Door opens, closes ] Mama loves you! 457 00:15:57,991 --> 00:16:00,127 Mama wore a halter top the day after you were born! 458 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,828 What's going on here? [ Crying continues ] 459 00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,765 Oh, sweetheart! 460 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,801 It's okay. Mama's home. 461 00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:10,537 Now, I've had a few, 462 00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,705 but did we do a body switch? 463 00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:18,511 Okay, she's down for the night. 464 00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,613 We are so sorry. Louis especially. 465 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,949 The clothes were his idea. We'll get them washed. 466 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,118 Maybe Jessica will ask my mother to do it. 467 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:27,287 The pants are dry clean only. 468 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,189 Whatever's going on between you two, 469 00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:30,957 can it go on in your own home? 470 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,394 ** 471 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,063 This is yours. 472 00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,698 [ Door opens ] 473 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,533 [ Door closes ] 474 00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:41,968 [ Sighs ] 475 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,703 I know the timing's not great for this, 476 00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:46,139 but I could really use a pee buddy. 477 00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:48,508 Storage room is real dark. 478 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,810 Trent, just go to the cemetery. 479 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,846 I can't. Look, the truth is... 480 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,083 [sighs] I'm scared. 481 00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:57,817 Yeah, I got that. 482 00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,253 Why do you care so much about selling a mattress? 483 00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:02,255 I just wanted to prove that I could make it in a job 484 00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:04,191 that wasn't handed to me by my dad. 485 00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,195 [ Sighs ] You know what? 486 00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:09,562 I'll buy a mattress from you. 487 00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:11,564 Trent, you don't have to. 488 00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:14,667 I want to. You really sold me on that hot-away foam earlier. 489 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,269 As my body is changing, 490 00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:19,106 there's a heat radiating from down south. 491 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,773 How much for this bad boy? 492 00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:23,076 $4,000. On sale?! 493 00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:25,745 But the gently-used twin in the corner is only $75. 494 00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:30,016 I'll take it. Thanks. 495 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,751 I won't tell the gang you were scared. 496 00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:34,387 Honestly, the cemetery just sounds cold and boring. 497 00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,289 And to tell the truth, kind of scary. 498 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:37,857 Trent, I know! Right, right. 499 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,326 [ Knock on door ] 500 00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:42,595 Trick or treat! 501 00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,597 Ugh, Britney? Again? 502 00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:47,033 No, I'm Mary Katherine Gallagher. 503 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,436 [ Inhales deeply ] Superstar! 504 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,474 Mulder, this has gone too far. 505 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:55,808 You're right. It's weird. 506 00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:58,077 The only explanation -- she's a shape-shifter. 507 00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:01,414 Wake up, Mulder! 508 00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:03,383 Sorry, that was Scully, not me. 509 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,253 But I am done with your crazy conspiracy theories. 510 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,554 The truth isn't out there. 511 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,756 It's right in front of your face! 512 00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:12,459 It's the same girl, and she's not getting any more candy! 513 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,562 Scram, Britney. We know it's you. 514 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:16,996 Case closed! 515 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:19,065 You guys are the worst! 516 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,500 [ Door creaks ] 517 00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:24,937 ** 518 00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:26,239 Ready, girls? 519 00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:28,341 All: Ready, Mother. 520 00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:30,410 That last house didn't give me any candy. 521 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,980 ** 522 00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:35,248 [ Music stops ] You were right, Scully. 523 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:37,250 I let myself get carried away. 524 00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:39,486 Like my sister was carried away by those aliens. 525 00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:41,588 Thanks for keeping me grounded. 526 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,356 That's why we're a good team, Mulder. 527 00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:45,358 [ Music resumes ] 528 00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:49,662 ** 529 00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,298 [ Music stops ] 530 00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:56,536 ** 531 00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,638 We really put our worst godparent foot forward 532 00:18:58,671 --> 00:18:59,939 last night. 533 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,808 Up late. Almost overslept. Gotta get to work! 534 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,279 [ Door opens ] Maybe I'm the reason Eddie's a bad sleeper. 535 00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:08,948 I'm lucky Emery broke his whiskey habit. 536 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,184 I'm gonna draw lines on all our liquor bottles 537 00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:12,785 just in case. 538 00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,121 Did we just pass Eddie in a tie? 539 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,624 For a minute there, I thought you got a valet. 540 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:18,891 [ Door closes ] [ Sighs ] 541 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,129 If you want us to step down as godparents, 542 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,497 we totally get it. 543 00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:26,399 Oh, of course, we don't want that. 544 00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:27,734 I mean, yes, we did come home 545 00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:30,303 to a real diaper show last night, 546 00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:32,138 but it made us feel better 547 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,973 about the hard time we were having. 548 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,808 Really? We thought we'd blown it. 549 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,911 No. You two are the best parents we know. 550 00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:41,981 Honestly, it was a relief to see you having a tough time, too. 551 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,751 So, the fact that we were so bad made you feel better 552 00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:47,554 -about also being so bad? -Exactly. 553 00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,656 And as a little thank you, 554 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,090 I made my upside-down cake 555 00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,226 you love so much. Ohh. 556 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:55,094 You guys are amazing godparents. 557 00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:56,496 There's no one we'd rather have 558 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,864 take care of this little butterball 559 00:19:57,897 --> 00:20:00,433 when Honey and I go to that big Thanksgiving in the sky. 560 00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:01,568 -[ Chuckles ] -Oh! 561 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:02,669 We got to go. 562 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:05,772 Maria's got seashell class in 10 minutes. 563 00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:07,540 It's what you think it is. [ Door opens ] 564 00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:12,011 [ Door closes ] 565 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,846 No idea what they're doing. 566 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,181 No idea. [ Chuckles ] 567 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,716 But neither did we. 568 00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:18,451 And our kids turned out pretty great. 569 00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:20,520 'Cause we always had each other's back, 570 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:23,055 even if it was behind each other's back. 571 00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:25,558 So, should we share everything we've done 572 00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:26,726 without each other knowing? 573 00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:29,596 Of course not. That would be crazy. 574 00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:30,730 Nothing to tell. [ Chuckles ] 575 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,569 Special delivery for Mommy. 576 00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:38,605 One Evan hug with a side of cheek peck. 577 00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:41,274 What was that for? 578 00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:43,543 After embodying Agent Dana Scully for a night, 579 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,077 I have a new respect for women. 580 00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:47,079 It is not easy for you. 581 00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:48,815 Let me bus these wrappers. 582 00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:54,887 Are you sure you didn't -- I never snuck in. 583 00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:56,055 I swear. You? 584 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,490 Never, not once. 585 00:20:57,524 --> 00:21:00,059 Huh. We really nailed it with Evan. 586 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,529 We did. We really did. Mm-hmm. 587 00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,765 [ Door opens ] [ Evan fussing ] 588 00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:09,936 ** 589 00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,904 Hey, Evan. Can't sleep? 590 00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,139 Me neither. 591 00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:15,908 I'm not scared, but I thought you might be. 592 00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:18,745 Your big bro Eddie is just a night owl. 593 00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,747 [ Hoots ] 594 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,248 Man, you won't believe what went down 595 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,016 on "Thirtysomething" tonight. 596 00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:26,353 The Steadmans have asbestos.