1 00:00:03,537 --> 00:00:06,540 You got a baby coming. A car seat just won't fit. 2 00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:08,576 We tried it on the turnpike with a watermelon. 3 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:12,180 If it's okay, Lou, I'd like a few moments alone with her. 4 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:16,884 ** 5 00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:18,719 [ Whistles ] 6 00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:20,588 That's a 30-footer. 7 00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:22,490 35. 8 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:25,393 Calvin, General Manager of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Motors. 9 00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:28,762 Oh, I get it. [ Chuckles ] Like the NBA legend. 10 00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:31,199 You guys are just copying Shaq Motors across town. 11 00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:33,434 No, no. He's copying me. 12 00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:34,735 [ Gasps ] 13 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:37,338 Always has. 14 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,007 I'm a Laker center. He's a Laker center. 15 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:43,611 I buy a car lot. He buys a car lot. 16 00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,613 I star in a movie. 17 00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:48,716 He stars in..."Shazam." 18 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,251 It was "Kazaam." 19 00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:52,052 I got this, Melvin. 20 00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:53,254 [ Whispering ] It's Calvin. 21 00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:54,588 Kareem, I didn't know you owned a car lot. 22 00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:56,357 I come down here every so often 23 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,791 to make sure things are going right. 24 00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:59,427 Oh, yeah. It's a real morale boost 25 00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:02,363 for those that work here the other 360 days a year. 26 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:05,433 Morale was boosted pretty high when I dropped those 50 skyhooks 27 00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:07,801 on your co-ed recreation-league game. 28 00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:10,070 Still didn't play no defense. 29 00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:11,905 So, you interested in this RV? 30 00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:13,741 Oh. Oh, no. I'm just, uh, 31 00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:15,075 helping my friend trade in his car. 32 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:19,413 Long may you run, Cherry. 33 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:21,715 Long may you run. 34 00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:22,583 [ Smooches ] 35 00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,954 Well, look, why don't we just go for a test drive? 36 00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:30,090 [ Sighs ] I don't know. 37 00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:34,795 Kareem: All the comforts of home, 38 00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:37,498 except your address is Adventure, USA. 39 00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:40,434 I have always wanted to take the family out on the pavement, 40 00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:42,903 road-trip it like one of those families on TV. 41 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,505 Close your eyes, Louis. 42 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:48,242 Turn the keys. Embark. 43 00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:51,111 [ "Full House" theme song plays ] 44 00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:52,413 * Everywhere you look 45 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,781 * Everywhere you go 46 00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:54,948 * There's a heart 47 00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:56,116 * There's a heart 48 00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,586 * A hand to hold onto 49 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,087 * Everywhere you look 50 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,455 * Everywhere you go 51 00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:06,126 * There's a face of somebody who needs you * 52 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,096 * Everywhere you look 53 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,864 * When you're lost out there 54 00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:13,201 * And you're all alone 55 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:17,971 * A light is waiting to carry you home * 56 00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,140 * Everywhere you look 57 00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:25,012 * Everywhere you look 58 00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:27,181 * Shoo-ba-doo-ba-baba-dow 59 00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:30,351 The Huangs across America. 60 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,954 So, cash? Or how does this work? 61 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,856 Louis! 62 00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:38,058 Honey's in labor! Sh-- Hey. 63 00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:40,060 The co-pilot from "Airplane." 64 00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:41,695 C-Come on! We gotta go! 65 00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:45,899 This close to a sale. 66 00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:48,369 -- Captions by VITAC -- 67 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:49,570 * Fresh off the boat 68 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,472 * I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go * 69 00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,574 * If you don't know, homey, now you know * 70 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:54,908 * Fresh off the boat 71 00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:57,077 * Homey, you don't know where I come from * 72 00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:58,679 * But I know where I'm goin' 73 00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,315 * I'm fresh off the boat 74 00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:04,985 ** 75 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,921 Can you believe it? Our baby boy came out a girl. 76 00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,857 [ Chuckles ] What a show. 77 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,024 It doesn't happen much, 78 00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,261 but the technician misread the sonogram. 79 00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,328 And what we thought was his deedle-doo 80 00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,196 was actually a thing-a-ma-which. [ Chuckles ] 81 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:17,598 Umbilical cord. Yeah. 82 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,833 So, now we need a girl's name. 83 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,835 Did you already have a boy name picked out? 84 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,238 Well, Marvin insisted on a nautical theme, 85 00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:26,940 so we were down to two -- Jonah and... 86 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:28,041 Ishmael. 87 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:29,777 So a happy miracle, indeed. 88 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:32,380 [ Chuckles ] And just think, your baby's due tomorrow. 89 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,449 Your book -- "A Case of a Knife to the Brain." 90 00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:39,253 Oh, gosh. [ Sighs ] Already? I almost forgot. 91 00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:42,055 You did send birth announcements to the entire HOA. 92 00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:44,292 Oh, that was a joke. [ Chuckles ] 93 00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:47,628 Of course I don't think my book is an actual baby... 94 00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,597 though I did spend more than nine months on it. 95 00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,231 What did you mean by "deedle-doo"? 96 00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:54,868 [ Emergency brake engages ] 97 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,470 So, about your baby sister -- 98 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:59,239 No, we're not naming her "Jamiroquai." 99 00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:01,074 Alright. We'll circle back to this in a week 100 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:02,310 when you're not so close to it. 101 00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:04,945 Yeah, about that. 102 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,747 We need to have a talk. 103 00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:07,915 A Saturn talk. 104 00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,617 Whoa. 105 00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:10,984 [ Sunroof closes ] 106 00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:12,653 Saturn secure. 107 00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:14,488 What happens in here stays in here. 108 00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:15,523 Shoot. 109 00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:20,328 I'm moving to New York with my mom, and I got into this school that teaches fashion, 110 00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,762 and I don't think I can pass it up. 111 00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:26,767 [ Sighs ] Sorry. I know this sucks. 112 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,602 That's... 113 00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:29,603 awesome! 114 00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:30,838 It is? 115 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,473 Totally! New York City? 116 00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:35,609 You can chill out in the park, order pizzas at 3:00 a.m., 117 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,011 and Beastie Boys songs will make a lot more sense now. 118 00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,580 Why is there no sleep till Brooklyn? 119 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,181 Well, you're about to find out. 120 00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:42,950 Wow. I thought this talk 121 00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,485 was gonna be a whole lot tougher. 122 00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,654 Please. You know me better than that. 123 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:49,323 What? Did you think I was gonna start crying or something? 124 00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:51,191 [ Fakes crying, laughs ] 125 00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:57,030 * Happy Book Day to you 126 00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:58,832 * Happy Book Day to you 127 00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:00,167 * Happy -- 128 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,769 I have a reading for my novel today, 129 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,236 and I need to decide on a passage. 130 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:08,609 "Snap! And suddenly the only sound was the rope, 131 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:12,279 creaking under his weight and the fading pendulum scrape 132 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:15,649 of his steel-toe boots against the hickory planks." 133 00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,050 Powerful. 134 00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,619 Do you like that passage 135 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,321 or the one where they find the paperboy's bloody bike? 136 00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:23,491 Hmm, tough call. They're both great. [ Chuckles ] 137 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:24,558 Uh, where is this reading? 138 00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:26,026 The bookstore. 139 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,328 My publisher thinks it might help boost sales, 140 00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:31,899 which could lead to TV spots, a book tour...maybe even Oprah. 141 00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:34,134 [ Gasps ] The Big "O." 142 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,136 [ Chuckles ] I-I mean, "big" like a star. 143 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,638 She actually looks great now. 144 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,707 And she did before, too. 145 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,642 [ Clears throat ] Um, this is great. 146 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,644 Uh, I'll get the boys, and we'll all go to the reading. 147 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,513 But it's my job. 148 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,080 I don't go to the restaurant and stare at you. 149 00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:48,549 Remember? 150 00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,418 We found that it didn't improve your productivity. 151 00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,920 But this is your big day, and it'll be good for the boys. 152 00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:55,923 They learn by watching us, and they should see how your hard work pays off. 153 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:59,092 You would just be taking up space from actual book-buyers. 154 00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:01,228 Plus, if I want to read the graphic sex scenes, 155 00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,664 I need to feel comfortable doing all the sound effects. 156 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:07,200 ** 157 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,271 "So You Wanna Be a Psychiatrist"? 158 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:13,441 You know how I plan to become Doctor President. 159 00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:15,042 Well, I always assumed I'd be a surgeon. 160 00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,243 The respect... 161 00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:17,845 The mastery of fine motor skills... 162 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,413 The ladies. 163 00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:21,849 But after spending three hours in the hospital 164 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,083 visiting Honey's baby, 165 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:24,418 I don't think I can stand the smell. 166 00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:25,986 Can you mail a hot dog? 167 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,723 I'm making a list of stuff I want Nicole to send me from New York -- 168 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:31,258 a Statue of Liberty lighter, 169 00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:33,594 whatever a knish is, a bullet. 170 00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,863 Any ideas for her going-away gift? 171 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,231 I'm always game to power-browse Things Remembered at the mall. 172 00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:39,933 Why would I get her a gift? 173 00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:41,702 Because she's your friend. 174 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,303 I have tons of friends. 175 00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:44,472 I'm not trying to dole out prizes 176 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:45,706 every time one of them skips town. 177 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,207 But Nicole is different. 178 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,042 Oh, because she's a chick? 179 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,277 That's sexist, homey. 180 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:53,046 No, I mean, you two are so close. 181 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,582 Aren't you sad she's moving? 182 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:55,883 Sad? Pfft. 183 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,384 She's only leaving for school, 184 00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,820 and she'll be back on the holidays and stuff. 185 00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,589 Guys, it's not a big deal. 186 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:03,423 ** 187 00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,325 "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." 188 00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:08,729 Uh, can we stay on Eddie for a second? 189 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,964 I think he's pretending he doesn't care Nicole is leaving. 190 00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:12,432 Yeah, that's what I -- 191 00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:15,168 He's in denial. I read about this in my book. 192 00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:17,471 He needs to admit he's sad and talk about his feelings. 193 00:07:17,505 --> 00:07:19,306 Or he might dissociate completely 194 00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:21,408 and chop us all up in our sleep. 195 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,311 That's an extreme example in here, but it does happen. 196 00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:27,114 Boys, get ready. We're gonna surprise Mom at her reading. 197 00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:29,750 We're going to the bookstore. 198 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:30,751 Hallelujah! 199 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,953 Get ready to feast, brain! 200 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:35,155 [ Indistinct conversations ] 201 00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:36,323 Wow, look at this line. 202 00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:38,458 It's like Mommy is Space Mountain. 203 00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:41,261 Sorry. We're not letting anyone else in today. 204 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,030 Fire code. 205 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,632 We'll have plenty of books tomorrow. 206 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:45,933 [ Crowd groans ] 207 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,367 You know what? That's fine. 208 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:48,769 She's doing it, boys. 209 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,070 We'll just surprise her back home. 210 00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:52,806 You made me put on my dress shorts. 211 00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,577 [ Excited, indistinct chatter ] 212 00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:07,655 ** 213 00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:10,190 I'm a failure. 214 00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:19,700 ** 215 00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:21,635 Hey, Jessica. 216 00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:23,136 We know what happened at the reading. 217 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,404 You do? 218 00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,506 We went there to surprise you. 219 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:29,209 Look, it isn't easy to say, but I -- 220 00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,912 Absolutely killed it! [ Chuckles ] 221 00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,647 It was so crowded we couldn't even get in. 222 00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:36,550 We were so excited, we made you... 223 00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:39,419 A case of a knife to the brain. 224 00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:40,888 Cake! 225 00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,522 A cake of a knife to the brain! 226 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,024 One line, Ma. 227 00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:47,260 [ Chuckles ] 228 00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:48,862 Well, tell us all about it. 229 00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:53,366 ** 230 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,168 What can I say? The book is a hit. 231 00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,070 -Alright! -Yes, Mom! 232 00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:58,538 But it's not a big deal. 233 00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,708 You're right. It is a very big deal. 234 00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:03,343 Boys, your mother's hard work has led to this great success. 235 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,379 How big a hit are we talking? Are we rich? 236 00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,514 Can we get a pet puma?! 237 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,049 Let's just say the store 238 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,551 has never sold as many copies on a first day. 239 00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:14,554 [ Chuckles ] So, a-a book tour? TV interviews? 240 00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:16,924 [ Gasps ] Oh, my God. Is Regis on the table? 241 00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,358 I don't want to jinx it, 242 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,728 so just don't go crazy spending money. 243 00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:23,463 Yeah, nobody "MC Hammer" this thing. 244 00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:26,099 ** 245 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:28,702 The river on the east side is the East River, 246 00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:31,238 but the river on the west is the Hudson? 247 00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,873 Good luck, Nicole. 248 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,407 At least he's thinking about her. 249 00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:35,609 That's good, right? 250 00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:38,278 I'm afraid not. It's classic sublimation. 251 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,748 His denial has turned into productivity. 252 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,482 He's losing his sense of self. 253 00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:44,317 When has Eddie ever researched for pleasure? 254 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:45,786 My God. 255 00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,587 He needs to face his feelings soon, 256 00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:50,457 or when it finally hits him, he'll lash out at someone. 257 00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,059 Chop. Chop. 258 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,627 [ Breathes deeply ] 259 00:09:53,661 --> 00:09:55,528 Hey, dawg. 260 00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:59,099 Evan and I were just talking about Nicole. 261 00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:01,134 Your best friend who's moving away. 262 00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:03,136 You two sure have had some great times together. 263 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,905 Mm. 264 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:08,108 * Back in the days when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore * 265 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:10,978 * But some days I sit and wish I was a kid again * 266 00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:14,414 * Back in the days when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore * 267 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,283 * But some days I sit and wish I was a kid again * [ Eddie screams ] 268 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:19,119 * And everybody say * I remember way back when 269 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:22,155 * And everybody say * I remember way back when 270 00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:25,458 * And everybody say * I remember way back when 271 00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:26,593 * What? * Back in the day 272 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,962 * When? * Back in the day 273 00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:32,132 Yeah, we have had some great times. 274 00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:34,467 Thanks for reminding me, guys. 275 00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,636 There's so much stuff I have to get out of her car before she goes -- 276 00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:39,206 my CD Player, Bootyman hat, 277 00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:41,308 drive-thru window gorilla mask. 278 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,844 For our door -- padlock or dead bolt? 279 00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:44,878 [ Sighs ] 280 00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:46,513 [ Birds chirping ] 281 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:50,650 Louis! What did I tell you about spending money? 282 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:53,687 There isn't even enough room in the pantry for all of this. 283 00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:56,523 True. But there is room... 284 00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:58,225 in here. 285 00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,728 [ Horn honks "Full House" theme ] 286 00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:04,131 What...is...this? 287 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:07,134 It's a 1998 NationWheeler with all the bells and whistles. 288 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,368 Why is this? 289 00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,971 Now we can all go on your book tour as a family. 290 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,873 Finally take that road trip across America 291 00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:14,007 we've always talked about. 292 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,375 We can see the Heartland. 293 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:16,476 And the regions of the South 294 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,345 once decimated by the boll weevil. 295 00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:20,347 How much did this house-truck cost? 296 00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,015 I knew that would come up, but don't worry. 297 00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:22,916 It's a business write-off. 298 00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:27,587 ** 299 00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:29,356 Now as we drive across the land, 300 00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:32,325 everyone will know best-selling author Jessica Huang is aboard. 301 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,527 Is that my driver's license photo? 302 00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:38,832 Um, so, what do you say? Huangs across America? 303 00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:44,504 ** 304 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,505 Sure. 305 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,606 [ Chuckles ] Yeah. 306 00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,442 I live here now. 307 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:53,346 ** 308 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,582 I remember packing for the big city around your age. 309 00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:56,683 Of course, back then all you needed 310 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,419 was a bar of soap and your wits. 311 00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:01,454 We're gonna miss you, Nicole. 312 00:12:01,488 --> 00:12:02,956 And so will little Maria. 313 00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,958 [ Baby crying in distance ] 314 00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:07,560 Ah, sounds like Coral's stirring. 315 00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:08,962 I'll go get Coral. 316 00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:11,264 No, no. Stay. I'll get Maria. 317 00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:13,366 [ Crying continues ] 318 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,167 Mm! 319 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:18,271 [ Door opens, closes ] 320 00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:21,041 Hey. Still going to New York, huh? 321 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,043 Yeah. I leave tomorrow at 3:00. 322 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,812 Phew. I thought I missed you. 323 00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,981 I left a bunch of crap in the Saturn 324 00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:29,082 and wanted to get it back. 325 00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:33,586 Yeah. Here you go. 326 00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:36,256 Whoa. My old Kris Kross CD! [ Chuckles ] 327 00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:38,058 I was getting the car ready to sell, 328 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,260 and that was stuck to a Frosty lid. 329 00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:42,162 Wait. You're selling the Saturn? 330 00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,331 New York's way too expensive for a car. 331 00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:46,299 That's why all the cops ride horses. 332 00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,634 I'll take the subway, no big deal. 333 00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:50,770 No big deal? You're cool with just dumping the Saturn? 334 00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:53,073 Who cares about all the good times we had in there? 335 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,175 And our Saturn talks -- I guess those meant nothing to you. 336 00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:57,010 Now you're upset? 337 00:12:57,044 --> 00:12:58,178 You're more worked up about the car 338 00:12:58,211 --> 00:12:59,646 than when I said I was leaving! 339 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:02,282 Well, to be fair, the car isn't moving to New York 340 00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:04,684 and totally bailing on me for the rest of high school! 341 00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:07,354 You know what? Forget it. Have fun in New York! 342 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:08,188 Peace. 343 00:13:09,857 --> 00:13:11,358 [ Insects chirping ] 344 00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:14,461 Aren't the Cascades enchanting, family? 345 00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:15,662 [ Chuckles ] 346 00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:19,166 No, thank you. 347 00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:21,935 Oh, my God. Is that Bigfoot? 348 00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:24,771 Emery, get the camera! 349 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,606 Set it to burst mode! 350 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,808 [ Scoffs ] Then just bring it here! 351 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:31,478 Louis? 352 00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,213 Oh, hey. 353 00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:35,815 I thought you and I could celebrate 354 00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:37,317 with some champagne. 355 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:41,955 I just want you to take a second to really soak it all in. 356 00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:43,323 You did it. 357 00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:44,391 Thanks. 358 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:45,725 And you deserve some fun, 359 00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,827 so tomorrow, I'm buying his-and-her Jet Skis 360 00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:50,730 so we can zip around Havasu like a pair of dragonflies. 361 00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:53,033 They're not cheap, but neither is happiness. 362 00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,902 The book is a flop, Louis! 363 00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:56,436 What? 364 00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:01,141 [ Sighs ] It sold less than 100 copies nationwide. 365 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,343 What about that line at the store? 366 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:06,213 Everyone was there for some other book -- "Boy Witch." 367 00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:09,416 Written by a homeless British teacher of all things. 368 00:14:09,449 --> 00:14:11,351 Then why did you say it was a hit? 369 00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:13,720 Because between you and the cake 370 00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:16,356 and Evan's big saucer eyes going blink, blink, 371 00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:17,891 I didn't have a choice. 372 00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:22,262 I guess people just weren't ready for your talent. 373 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:25,865 But, hey, maybe your work will be worth more when you're dead like Monet. 374 00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:30,437 [ Sighs ] 375 00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:33,073 We'll have to cancel the road trip. 376 00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:35,342 But the boys were so excited. 377 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,011 But can't just fake a book tour. 378 00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,679 Everything will be fine. 379 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:42,215 I'll return this tomorrow, and then when I get back, 380 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:43,783 we'll tell the boys what happened with your book. 381 00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:46,086 Okay? 382 00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:47,754 Okay. 383 00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:50,123 ** 384 00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,124 [ Door closes ] 385 00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:52,859 Good night, Havasu. 386 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,461 ** 387 00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:56,129 [ Birds chirping ] 388 00:14:56,163 --> 00:14:58,231 Morning, Ma. 389 00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,600 I'm returning the RV, so let me know 390 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,569 if you hid any chewing tobacco in the seat pockets. 391 00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:08,241 What?! 392 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:12,312 ** 393 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,418 Where's the first stop on the book tour, Mom? 394 00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:19,819 Uh, Miami. 395 00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:21,088 But we're going north. 396 00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:22,622 It's a shortcut. 397 00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,791 Huh. Why couldn't we wait for Dad? 398 00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:27,660 He'll join us later. There was an emergency at Cattleman's Ranch. 399 00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:29,162 What happened?! 400 00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,763 Hector's earring fell into the chili! 401 00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:32,599 Let Mommy focus on the road, please! 402 00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,169 Eddie, I was hoping we could really dig in 403 00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:37,604 on your childhood today. 404 00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:40,207 [ Growling ] Go...away! 405 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:43,676 We're gonna reschedule. [ Pen clicks ] 406 00:15:45,212 --> 00:15:47,280 Hey, uh, is Kareem here? 407 00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,016 They always ask for Kareem. 408 00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:50,650 He's showing a customer an RV. 409 00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:53,653 Stupid question, but what does "RV" stand for? 410 00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:55,322 [ Snores ] 411 00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:56,856 [ Quietly ] Oh, sorry, sorry. 412 00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,858 Did my wife return an RV this morning? 413 00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:00,693 20-foot ad of an Asian lady on the side? 414 00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:03,096 This morning? No. 415 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:04,531 Damn it. She took our kids, 416 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,133 and I have no idea where they went. 417 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:09,302 Well, our RVs come standard with LoJack. 418 00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:10,603 I could get the tracker and help you find them. 419 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:11,938 Oh, great. [ Chuckles ] 420 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,141 Uh, you and Kareem, right? 421 00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:16,676 There it is! 422 00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,347 Another win for Team Kareem. 423 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,315 Kareem did it. 424 00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,151 Not the computer inside the LoJack. 425 00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:26,886 [ Sighs ] 426 00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,555 That's not good. 427 00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,890 Don't worry. All the knives are accounted for. 428 00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:33,826 Hey, where's your mom? 429 00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,628 Doing a reading at the bookstore. 430 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:38,031 ** 431 00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:41,168 Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?! Dude, Nicole is gonna flip. 432 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,203 She has a poster of you fighting Bruce Lee in her room. 433 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:48,975 Whoa. An RV is no place to be sad. 434 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,577 My best friend is moving away, and we got in a fight, 435 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,579 but I'm cool. I'm cool. 436 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,047 A double "I'm cool"? 437 00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:56,116 Let's not gloss over this. 438 00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,153 [ Sighs ] I have three years of high school left, 439 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:02,222 and she's the only friend who really gets me, 440 00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:03,656 who speaks Eddie. 441 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:04,891 I take it you're Eddie? 442 00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,895 I get it. It's hard to say goodbye. 443 00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:10,530 But you're making this about you. 444 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,765 You got to realize that it's hard on her, too. 445 00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:15,068 Why? She's the one leaving me. 446 00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,837 Look, I'm at my car lot five days a year. 447 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,707 When I leave, my employees are super sad, 448 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,776 but they're not seeing things from where I stand at 7'2". 449 00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:28,348 I have to leave my best friends, K-- Ke-- Kevin, all of them. 450 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,083 I didn't even think about that. 451 00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:32,385 Don't let your best friend leave 452 00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:34,421 without knowing she's your best friend. 453 00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:37,224 I get it, Kareem. Thanks. 454 00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:40,527 I thought for sure that you were gonna use a basketball metaphor. 455 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,596 Well, you know, I'm a man of, uh, many talents. 456 00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:45,532 They used to think they had me pinned and then... 457 00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,434 skyhook. [ Chuckles ] 458 00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:50,069 That's how you break down a wall. 459 00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,439 [ Scoffs ] He can fly now? 460 00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,407 Guess I should've given Jennifer Hong 461 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:55,942 the ability to defy physics. 462 00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:57,110 Garbage. 463 00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:00,213 Louis: Jessica? 464 00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:02,882 Why'd you run off with the boys? 465 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:03,983 I stole your idea. 466 00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,218 I'm taking them on a fake book tour. 467 00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:07,587 It's going well. Tomorrow we tackle the Panhandle. 468 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:10,323 Jessica, what's going on? 469 00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:13,092 I don't want the boys to find out about my book. 470 00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,961 They'll never respect me again. 471 00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:16,896 [ Scoffs ] That's ridiculous. 472 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:20,600 Is it? You said yourself they learn from watching us. 473 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:23,236 If they see my book is a dud, you know what they learn? 474 00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,138 That their mom is a failure. 475 00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:29,576 ** 476 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,444 Just because the book didn't sell 477 00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:34,481 doesn't mean you are a failure, but you can't hide this. 478 00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:36,183 It's just as important for the boys to see 479 00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:38,951 how you deal with a loss as it is to see you succeed. 480 00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:42,855 It's just I've never failed like this before in my life. 481 00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:45,258 I know. 482 00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:47,194 But I've failed hundreds of times, 483 00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:48,761 and you were always there for me. 484 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,029 Let me be there for you. 485 00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:52,899 You have failed a lot. 486 00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,769 Building your own dirt bike. 487 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,271 Beekeeping. 488 00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:00,173 Cattleman's in a cup. Yep. 489 00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:02,509 The banjo, "Top Hat" Louis, 490 00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:03,943 forming your own break-dance crew. 491 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,312 Okay, let's go tell the boys. 492 00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,046 I'm just gonna finish this chapter. No. 493 00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:09,216 Boys, your mother has something 494 00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:11,351 she needs to tell you about her book. 495 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:16,856 Sometimes you forget how stupid the rest of the world is. 496 00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,491 Like how all anybody cares about 497 00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,793 is whether some snotty British boy can fly and -- 498 00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:24,063 Eddie? What's wrong? 499 00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:26,866 I never said goodbye to Nicole. 500 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,835 And she leaves in an hour, 501 00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,903 and now we're here on this book tour. 502 00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:32,372 I messed up. 503 00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:33,973 ** 504 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,308 Book tour is cancelled. 505 00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:36,943 We're going home so Eddie can see Nicole. 506 00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:39,212 -Sweet! -Yes. 507 00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:40,413 You're not gonna tell them? 508 00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:43,350 I will later, but right now, our son needs us. 509 00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:46,653 The one thing I can't ever fail is our boys. 510 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:47,987 Oh! 511 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,522 [ Keys clatter ] How about a heads-up? 512 00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:51,758 ** 513 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,125 [ Brakes hiss ] 514 00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:55,628 Damn it! We're 40 minutes late! 515 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:02,602 Nicole! You're still here! 516 00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:03,670 I thought you were leaving at 3:00. 517 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:04,937 I'm leaving at 5:00. 518 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:06,673 I told you 3:00 because 519 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,775 it always takes you longer than it should to come around. 520 00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:11,411 [ Sighs ] You really do speak Eddie. 521 00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:13,280 Got time for one last Saturn talk? 522 00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:15,848 I'm sorry I was a dope. 523 00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:18,084 I'm just...really gonna miss you. 524 00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:19,752 You're going to miss me? 525 00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:21,354 How am I supposed to make it without you? 526 00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:22,955 You had permanent shotgun. 527 00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:25,258 I mean, you've been there through everything. 528 00:20:25,292 --> 00:20:28,060 I know it sucks we won't be together talking like this, 529 00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:30,229 but you're gonna kill it in New York. 530 00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:31,598 You're Nicole. [ Chuckles ] 531 00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:32,932 I'm gonna miss you, girl. 532 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,567 I'm gonna miss you, fool. 533 00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:37,970 ** 534 00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,472 [ Sighs ] 535 00:20:39,506 --> 00:20:40,873 [ Sniffles ] 536 00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,609 Are you crying? 537 00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:44,377 Nah. It's just my allergies. [ Chuckles ] 538 00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,713 Okay. 539 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:50,550 Because you know what happens in here stays in here, forever. 540 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:51,618 Whew! 541 00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,420 It's -- It's really flaring up now. 542 00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:55,121 [ Both laugh ] 543 00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:00,727 And with that home run, 544 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:01,828 Sammy Sosa retakes the lead over Mark McGwire. 545 00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:03,296 Slammin' Sammy! 546 00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:05,498 You know he's on steroids, right? 547 00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:07,700 What steroids? 548 00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:12,672 Hey, I know it's going to be difficult, 549 00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:13,973 but you still need to tell the boys 550 00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:14,741 what happened with the book. 551 00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:17,243 ** 552 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,578 What book? 553 00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:19,679 [ Sighs ] 554 00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:20,680 I know what you're doing, 555 00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:22,181 but you can't just deny it happened. 556 00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:24,451 Deny what happened? 557 00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:26,486 Uh-oh.