1 00:00:05,173 --> 00:00:06,340 [ Gasps ] 2 00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:07,875 Oh, my God, it's happened! 3 00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:09,143 They found Tupac! 4 00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:11,645 No, Eddie, you're...shaving. 5 00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:12,746 Oh. Yeah. 6 00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:14,482 Some girls at school started calling me "Cheech," 7 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:15,649 so I figured it was time to -- 8 00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:18,486 "Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it. 9 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:21,922 And, which is more, you'll be a man, my son." 10 00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:24,425 [ Whispering ] Rudyard Kipling. 11 00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:27,861 -Dad, what are you -- -Shh. I'm hugging you. 12 00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:29,230 Why? 13 00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:30,864 [ Normal voice ] Because today is the day 14 00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:33,501 you stop being a boy and start being a man. 15 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:34,868 * Yeah 16 00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:37,505 Take a lip. 17 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,907 When your mom and I found out we were having a baby boy, 18 00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,275 you know the first thing I did? 19 00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:43,244 Cried in the car listening to James Taylor. 20 00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:44,445 Mom already told me. 21 00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:47,381 No, I drove to the drugstore and bought two things -- 22 00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:50,218 a roll of celebratory Mentos for myself 23 00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:52,720 and a Gillette Atra Plus for you. 24 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:56,023 Eddie, I've kept that razor in my closet for 14 years 25 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,058 waiting for the day you would need to use it. 26 00:00:58,092 --> 00:00:59,760 Today is that day! 27 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:02,896 Wow, Dad, I guess this is a big moment for me. 28 00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,898 I'm glad you're here for it. 29 00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:06,534 Me, too. 30 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,935 I'll go get your Atra. 31 00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,238 And, uh, let's put this where it belongs. 32 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,007 [ Chuckles ] 33 00:01:17,445 --> 00:01:19,880 Nah. He's so happy. 34 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,349 I'm gonna let him have this. 35 00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:27,621 -- Captions by VITAC -- 36 00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:28,789 * Fresh off the boat 37 00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,491 * I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go * 38 00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,793 * If you don't know, homey, now you know * 39 00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:34,061 * Fresh off the boat 40 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,397 * Homey, you don't know where I come from * 41 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,898 * But I know where I'm goin' 42 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,634 * I'm fresh off the boat 43 00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:44,071 [ Orchestral music plays ] 44 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,240 [ Crowd cheering ] -Spectacular. 45 00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:47,608 Announcer: And at the end of the first night 46 00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:49,143 of the Women's Figure Skating event, 47 00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:52,813 it's Michelle Kwan first, Tara Lipinski second. 48 00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,748 Ohh, yes! Yes! Yes! 49 00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:57,418 See, boys, it's just like I'm always telling you -- 50 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,820 If you work hard, sacrifice everything, 51 00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:02,190 and look good in a tight bun, you can't lose. 52 00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:03,524 Michelle Kwan is the proof. 53 00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:07,495 Really, Mom? Lipinski? 54 00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:17,938 Tara Lipinski is too busy flirting with boys 55 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,007 and wiping tater-tot grease on her leotard. 56 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,475 I mean, look at her face. 57 00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:23,844 Does that look like the face of a winner to you? 58 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:26,847 No. 59 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:27,881 Evan: Mommy's right. 60 00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:29,450 Lipinski lacks the self-discipline 61 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,385 that's made Michelle Kwan a champion. 62 00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:33,120 The gold is as good as hers. 63 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,489 Can we skip school tomorrow and watch her win in real time? 64 00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,525 No skipping school! 65 00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,960 But I'll tape it, and you can watch it when you get home. 66 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,362 Now it's bedtime. 67 00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:43,231 You need to get your rest so you can grow up 68 00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:46,133 to be small and poised like Michelle Kwan. 69 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,168 I heard she gets nine hours a night. 70 00:02:48,202 --> 00:02:49,737 If we hurry, we can make it! 71 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,206 And after the 11:00 news, 72 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,642 it's "The Late Show With David Letterman"! 73 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,009 Ha! All right! 74 00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:57,177 Ohh, pass. 75 00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:59,046 Louis, you can stay up and watch that old man 76 00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:02,383 and his piano gremlin, but I'm going to bed. 77 00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:03,984 You, too, Eddie. Bedtime. 78 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:07,255 Tonight Dave welcomes supermodel Cindy Crawford. 79 00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:08,589 -Ooh! -Ooh! 80 00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,324 [ Both chuckle ] 81 00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:12,760 Good night, Dad. 82 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,428 Uh, wait. 83 00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:17,498 Why don't you stay up and watch with me tonight? 84 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,667 But my bedtime's 10:45. 85 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,002 Well, you're shaving. You're a man now. 86 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,671 Maybe it's time you had a man's bedtime. 87 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,506 From now on, you can stay up 88 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:28,376 for the first guest on "Letterman," until 11:45. 89 00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,177 I think you've earned a little independence. 90 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,945 Whoa! Are you serious? 91 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:34,248 Men are always serious. 92 00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:36,384 [ Chuckles ] -Being a man is awesome. 93 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:40,020 Do you think Dave will ask Cindy Crawford about her mole? 94 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,755 He might, son. He just might. 95 00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:44,358 And then Letterman asked Cindy Crawford about her mole. 96 00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,294 Whoa! 97 00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:48,596 I can't believe your dad let you stay up till 11:45. 98 00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:50,898 I wonder when my dad goes to sleep... 99 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,199 or where. 100 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,601 My dad makes me go to bed halfway through 101 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:54,802 "Walker, Texas Ranger." 102 00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,136 And that's on a Saturday! 103 00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:59,139 So you never find out if Walker catches the bad guy? 104 00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:02,810 It's Walker, Brian! He catches the bad guy! 105 00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:03,877 [ School bell rings ] 106 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:06,447 [ Groans ] 107 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:07,715 Finally. 108 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,149 I have been waiting for someone else 109 00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:11,084 to have a late bedtime forever. 110 00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:12,620 -What's your bedtime? -Don't have one. 111 00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:15,055 My mom works the night shift at the Cheesecake Factory, 112 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,790 so I just go to bed whenever I feel like it. 113 00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:19,092 Also, if somebody sends their cheesecake back, 114 00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,762 my mom brings it home, and we eat it for breakfast. 115 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,831 Cool! 116 00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:25,499 So, what do you do all night? 117 00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:27,401 I ride my bike around the outdoor mall 118 00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:28,802 and eat the stale doughnuts 119 00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:30,471 Donut King throws away at closing. 120 00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,440 Hold up. You're telling me I've been sleeping through 121 00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:33,907 free doughnuts this whole time?! 122 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,576 Doughnuts, bagels. 123 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,878 Sometimes you just get a whole vat of glaze. 124 00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:42,149 Announcer: In a stunning upset, 125 00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:45,853 Tara Lipinski leaps over Michelle Kwan to win the gold! 126 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:50,324 Michelle Kwan...lost. 127 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,197 How could this happen? 128 00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,866 She was supposed to win! 129 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:01,001 How could she not win?! 130 00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,903 She did everything right! 131 00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:09,910 ** 132 00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:14,114 Evan and Emery believe in Michelle Kwan the winner. 133 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,283 If they find out that they can work that hard 134 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,986 and still come in second, they'll never work hard again. 135 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,123 You know, that's a really good idea. 136 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,125 I do control what they watch. 137 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:28,095 So if I don't want them to know, then they won't know. 138 00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:34,001 We're ready to watch the -- 139 00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:36,169 [ Screams ] 140 00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:37,337 What happened to the tape? 141 00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:38,572 Technical difficulties. 142 00:05:38,606 --> 00:05:40,207 A mouse was living inside the VCR 143 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,075 and it ate the tape and then it died. 144 00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:43,911 Was it a boy mouse or a girl mouse? 145 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:45,946 Who cares?! How did Michelle do? 146 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:50,818 She won! 147 00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,352 -Yes! -Yes! 148 00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:53,754 Whoo! She did it! 149 00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:54,855 -I knew she could! -Whoo! 150 00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:57,491 Hey, Eddie. 151 00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:59,259 Which popcorn do you want for "Letterman"? 152 00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:02,463 Butter or movie theater butter? 153 00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:05,599 Eddie? 154 00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:08,536 Okay, top 10 reasons you should answer your father. 155 00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:09,803 Number 10... 156 00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,222 [ Door closes ] -Where were you? 157 00:06:29,256 --> 00:06:30,791 Oh, out with Dave. 158 00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,860 On a school night? Are you crazy? 159 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,227 What were the two of you doing? 160 00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:35,563 Nothing. Just hanging out. 161 00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:40,233 Oh, she's gorgeous. 162 00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:41,735 Where do you think she's getting ready to go? 163 00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,471 Dancing, probably. 164 00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:45,906 Classic girls like that are always going dancing. 165 00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:48,308 I wish I had a girl like that. 166 00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:49,810 That's not a girl. 167 00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:52,079 That's a woman. 168 00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:53,914 "Just hanging out"? 169 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,082 It's almost midnight. 170 00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:57,818 Well, you said my bedtime was 11:45. 171 00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,487 It's 11:40. I still have five minutes. 172 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,654 No, I said you could stay up 173 00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:02,456 to watch the first guest on "Letterman," 174 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:03,557 not run around the streets 175 00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:05,392 doing God knows what with your friends. 176 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,561 But you said I'd earned a little independence. 177 00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:09,062 This is not what I meant. 178 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,499 Well, I hope whatever you were doing was worth it 179 00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:14,234 because you missed Dave interviewing Andie MacDowell. 180 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,136 So? I'll just watch it tomorrow. 181 00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,572 Andie MacDowell is not going to be on tomorrow. 182 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:21,108 I don't care about Andie MacDowell! 183 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:27,247 Clearly we're both tired and saying things we don't mean. 184 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,516 Let's just go to bed, 185 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,350 and we'll talk about this in the morning. 186 00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:31,819 No! 187 00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,153 We will not talk about this in the morning 188 00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,655 because I didn't do anything wrong! 189 00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,857 You can't talk to me like that. 190 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,092 Why not? You said I'm a man, remember? 191 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:42,362 Maybe it's time you started treating me like one. 192 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,269 Oh, this is interesting. 193 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:50,871 Michelle Kwan tried to start a band. 194 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,005 Third Eye Kwan? 195 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:53,306 That's in this book, too. 196 00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:54,875 She's so talented. 197 00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,944 I just wish the TV and the VCR weren't broken 198 00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,046 so we could watch a replay of her winning. 199 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:01,148 I can't believe we still haven't seen it. 200 00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:03,684 It's also unfortunate that all the newspapers on the street 201 00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:05,318 have been stolen by a news thief. 202 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,790 USA! USA! 203 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:10,858 [ Laughs ] 204 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,392 Can you guys believe she won gold?! 205 00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:14,061 It's exciting, right? 206 00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,729 I know. Michelle Kwan's our hero. 207 00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:17,565 Michelle Kwan? No. 208 00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:19,232 Tara Lipinski won gold. 209 00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,134 [ Chuckles ] Michelle Kwan came in second. 210 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,302 That's why they're doing a special 211 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,404 on Lipinski cuts at the mall. 212 00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:28,008 No, Honey. Michelle Kwan won. Right, Mom? 213 00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,145 Boys... [ Sighs ] 214 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,147 ...the truth is... 215 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,716 Michelle Kwan didn't win. 216 00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:36,784 [ Gasps ] 217 00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:40,187 Because that wasn't the real Michelle Kwan! 218 00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,521 -[ Gasps ] -What? 219 00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:45,525 The real Michelle Kwan has been replaced by an imposter! 220 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,427 -What? -Think about it. 221 00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,496 She trains hard her whole life. 222 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,832 She wins the world championships. 223 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,668 Then she goes to the Olympics and comes in second place? 224 00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:56,003 It doesn't add up. 225 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,071 Has "Lipinski" written all over it. 226 00:08:58,105 --> 00:09:00,407 The point is the fake Kwan lost. 227 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,876 The real Kwan will always be the best. 228 00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:04,778 Let's never speak of this again. 229 00:09:06,814 --> 00:09:08,348 I can't believe it. 230 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,750 A fake Michelle Kwan. 231 00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,952 What do we do? -What would Michelle do? 232 00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,855 Use her focus and determination to get to the bottom of it? 233 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,256 Then we will, too. 234 00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,191 We'll be like Woodward and Bernstein. 235 00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:20,060 Or Chip 'n Dale! 236 00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:22,763 Do you think Jessica's coming back? 237 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,700 He missed Andie MacDowell, huh? 238 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,201 -[ Sighs ] -She's a ruddy-cheeked delight. 239 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,870 And he wouldn't apologize! 240 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,305 [ Groans ] I don't know what's gotten into him lately. 241 00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:34,041 Sure, he and Jessica clash a lot, 242 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,543 but Eddie and I have always been pals. 243 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:39,379 He's never been so openly defiant to me before. 244 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,548 How old's the boy? 9? 10? 245 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,450 He's 14, Marvin. 246 00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:44,952 Ah, 14. 247 00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,453 Then that explains it. 248 00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:47,721 It does? 249 00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:50,724 Classic male adolescent elephant power vacuum. 250 00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:52,392 -Huh? -Follow me, Lou. 251 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,561 There's something you need to see. 252 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:58,131 Now we're cooking with Crisco! [ Laughs ] 253 00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,669 Ah! I was stationed in Africa, 254 00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,837 overseeing the construction of the railway 255 00:10:03,871 --> 00:10:06,473 from Mombasa to Kisumu. 256 00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,108 The railway? 257 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,609 How old are you? 258 00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,679 Old enough to know what you're going through. 259 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,146 Look. 260 00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:14,982 Adolescent male elephants. 261 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:18,952 Now, see, when the herd lacks a strong older male presence, 262 00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:22,690 the young males become unruly and defiant, even violent. 263 00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,692 See -- See them shaking their heads and trumpeting? 264 00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:25,993 That means they're angry. 265 00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:27,995 Why didn't you run away? They could have trampled you. 266 00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,130 Because running away is what they want, 267 00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:32,099 and it's the worst thing you can do. 268 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,868 He's so used to getting his own way 269 00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:38,872 that when you show confidence and stand your own ground, 270 00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:40,207 he's surprised. 271 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,374 He'll back down. 272 00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:42,475 Watch. 273 00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:48,081 -Wow. It worked. -[ Laughing ] Yeah! 274 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,618 And it'll work for you and Eddie, too. 275 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,486 You've been too soft on that boy, Lou. 276 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,955 I don't know. 277 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,457 My dad was extremely tough on me when I was Eddie's age, 278 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,793 and our relationship never recovered. 279 00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:01,795 Eddie and I aren't like that. We're friends. 280 00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:03,630 Okay, so maybe your dad wasn't your best friend, 281 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,032 but look how you turned out. 282 00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:07,801 You're a very successful small-business owner 283 00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:09,669 with your own home, great family. 284 00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:11,972 Fathers can't be friends with their sons. 285 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,908 Not if they want them to grow up to be responsible adults. 286 00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:16,977 So, what do I do? 287 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,046 Well, you have to be the angry bull elephant. 288 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:22,582 Only discipline can bring the herd back together. 289 00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:29,522 ** 290 00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:31,058 What's going on? 291 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:34,327 We did some research at the library 292 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,662 on your Kwan-impostor theory. 293 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,397 Okay, look, I was just -- 294 00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,166 And you were absolutely right! 295 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,334 Emery, let's bring her up to speed. 296 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:44,337 Michelle Kwan wins the 1998 world championships 297 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:47,674 with 15 perfect 6.0s, 298 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,943 leaving one judge in tears. 299 00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:52,612 She's the favorite for the gold medal in the Winter Olympics. 300 00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,681 Then things start getting fishy. 301 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:58,018 She arrives in Japan but processes through Tokyo 302 00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,420 instead of Osaka with all the other athletes. 303 00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:03,290 Right, yeah. That's -- That's weird. 304 00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:06,393 Nobody sees Michelle Kwan at the Olympic Village 305 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:11,131 because -- get this -- she's staying "off site." 306 00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,934 Next, she misses the Opening Ceremony. 307 00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:16,103 She works her whole life to get to the Olympics 308 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:18,571 and then doesn't go to the Opening Ceremony? 309 00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:19,873 It doesn't add up. 310 00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:22,109 No, it doesn't, actually. 311 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:25,478 The night before the event, nobody sees Michelle Kwan. 312 00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:27,647 Where's Tara Lipinski, on the other hand? 313 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:30,083 In bed getting a full eight hours? 314 00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:33,553 With Wayne Gretzky and the Canadian Ice Hokey team 315 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,621 eating ice cream! 316 00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,890 Like she knew she couldn't lose. 317 00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:38,959 [ Door opens, closes ] 318 00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:41,228 And Michelle Kwan was photographed 319 00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,797 at her hotel at 9:30 a.m., 320 00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:46,934 15 minutes before she was seen at the Olympic arena -- 321 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,336 a distance of 34 miles. 322 00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:50,337 So? 323 00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:52,505 So, I just drove from here 324 00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,741 to the Sea World parking lot as fast as I could. 325 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,343 It's exactly 34 miles. 326 00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,846 It took me way longer than 15 minutes, 327 00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:01,481 and I didn't even stop for red lights. 328 00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,416 Rearrange the letters in "Tara Lipinski," 329 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:04,484 and what do you get? 330 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:05,853 Tarantula Kiss! 331 00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:08,421 Rink Alias?! 332 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,958 It's like she's daring us to catch her. 333 00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:14,194 Michelle Kwan really was replaced by an imposter. 334 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,663 Unfortunately, it's just a theory. 335 00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:18,131 Nobody knows for sure. 336 00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:20,767 Actually, I know someone who might. 337 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,002 I used to do makeup for 338 00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:24,604 the Broadway on Ice production of "Cats" years ago, 339 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,206 and there is one figure skater who knows 340 00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,775 everything that goes on with everyone in that world. 341 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,543 If something fishy happened in Nagano, 342 00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:31,811 she'll know about it. 343 00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:37,684 Okay, so it's 10:30 now. 344 00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:40,453 I figure we head to the outdoor mall for an hour or so 345 00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:43,223 and then ride our bikes from the Big Dog outlet to the Wet Seal. 346 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:44,858 I have a better idea. 347 00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:45,893 We steal her. 348 00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:48,628 Who? Her. The girl from the window. 349 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:49,963 The mannequin? 350 00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:51,564 It hit me the other night. 351 00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:53,300 What if the place she's been getting ready to go 352 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,368 all this time is my house? 353 00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,137 I don't know, Dave. 354 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,338 That's, like, breaking and entering. 355 00:13:58,371 --> 00:13:59,907 So? It'll be fun! 356 00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:02,309 You said you'd love to have a girl like her. 357 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,810 Remember? You said it. 358 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,578 Come on, Eddie. Say you'll help me. 359 00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:06,813 Come on. Say it. 360 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,715 -I don't know. -Say it! 361 00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:10,583 Uh, sure. Sounds like fun. 362 00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:12,385 Great. 363 00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:15,355 Now let's listen to a little GWAR to pump ourselves up. 364 00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:16,556 [ GWAR music plays loudly ] 365 00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:18,825 [ Muffled music continues ] 366 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:23,163 Discipline will bring the herd back together. 367 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,431 ** 368 00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:25,532 [ Music stops ] 369 00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:28,201 Not cool, Dave. My parents are asleep. 370 00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:31,238 Eddie, you may be taller than me now, slightly, 371 00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:32,505 but I am still your father. 372 00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:33,606 And when you go out, 373 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:34,908 I want to know where you're going, 374 00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:36,509 who you're with, and when you'll be back. 375 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,011 No more doing whatever you want, 376 00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,279 and no more talking back, either. 377 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,414 Otherwise, you won't be going anywhere. 378 00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:42,882 Do we understand each other? 379 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,387 Screw...you! 380 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,056 [ Gasps ] 381 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:54,427 That's it, Eddie. You're grounded! 382 00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:55,562 -I think I'm gonna go. -Good idea. 383 00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:56,964 I don't know what's gotten into you lately, 384 00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,765 but this behavior stops now. 385 00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:00,200 I thought we could get through this as friends, 386 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,568 but clearly I was wrong. 387 00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:03,703 So from now on, we do things the hard way. 388 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,139 No more TV. No more video games! 389 00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:07,874 Thanks, Dad. 390 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,042 What are you doing?! 391 00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:10,210 I'm hugging you. 392 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,578 Why? 393 00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:13,213 I knew that if I talked back to you like that, 394 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,581 you'd be so shocked you'd ground me, 395 00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:17,384 and I wouldn't have to help Dave steal that sexy mannequin. 396 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,052 Help Dave do what? 397 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:21,154 It was his idea to steal it, and it's crazy. 398 00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:22,455 I didn't want to do it. 399 00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:24,724 But I-I didn't know how to tell him. 400 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:28,895 He's been... intense lately. 401 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,630 [ Video game music plays ] 402 00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:31,999 Hey, you want to see something cool? 403 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,467 -Sure. [ Music stops ] 404 00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:37,737 I'm gonna bust open this Stretch Armstrong 405 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:38,771 with a baseball bat. 406 00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:39,772 Um... 407 00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:42,242 [ Screams ] 408 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,011 No, y don't have a dad! 409 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:48,581 So, you're not the adolescent elephant. 410 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:49,616 Dave is. 411 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,018 Dad, you're all over the place. 412 00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,152 What do you mean? 413 00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:54,354 First, you made a big deal out of me shaving. 414 00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:55,922 Then you let me stay up later. 415 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,291 Then you got mad at me for staying up later. 416 00:15:58,325 --> 00:15:59,792 And now you're talking about elephants. 417 00:15:59,826 --> 00:16:01,828 I'm sorry. 418 00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:04,531 I was just excited for you to become a man 419 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:05,532 because I thought that would mean 420 00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:06,866 us spending more time together. 421 00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,801 Then you decided to spend your extra hour 422 00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:09,936 with Dave instead of me. 423 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,638 So you're upset because I didn't stay home 424 00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:12,772 and watch "Letterman" with you. 425 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,442 Look, I just don't want us to grow apart 426 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,677 because that's what happened with me and my dad. 427 00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,646 Just because I want to do something on my own 428 00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,614 doesn't mean I don't still need you, Dad. 429 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,350 You and I are friends. 430 00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:24,817 I'm always gonna need that. 431 00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:26,353 [ Chuckles ] 432 00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:31,791 Wait, you and Dave haven't stolen anything else, have you? 433 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:32,825 No way! 434 00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,627 I know a good idea from a bad one. 435 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,896 I'm lucky to have you around to teach me stuff like that. 436 00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:39,132 Not everyone's that lucky. 437 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:44,971 ** 438 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:50,843 ** 439 00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:54,347 So, whatcha waitin' for, Chief? [ Giggles ] 440 00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:55,948 [ Chuckles nervously ] 441 00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:00,053 Louis: Stop! 442 00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:01,721 [ Garbled ] Yeah. Stop. 443 00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:03,590 Now, why don't you put the brick down, Dave, 444 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:04,924 and we can talk about this? 445 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,262 Marvin: He's so used to getting his way 446 00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:11,331 that when he sees you showing confidence 447 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:14,000 and standing your ground, he'll back down. 448 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,769 Dave, you cut this behavior out right this minute. 449 00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:18,338 Do you hear me? 450 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,906 I'm going to give you to the count of three 451 00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:23,042 to put the brick down and to step away from the mannequin. 452 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:25,645 One... 453 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:28,848 Two... 454 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:35,088 ** 455 00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:36,689 Whoa. Good work, Dad. 456 00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,858 Grab that brick. We need a doorstop. 457 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,127 Uh, okay. 458 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,494 Go. Go. 459 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:43,930 Jessica: Excuse me. 460 00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:45,365 Excuse me. Out of the way. 461 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,467 Coming through. 462 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,635 Oh! 463 00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:50,103 Hello, Nancy Kerrigan. 464 00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:51,538 Thanks for the enthusiasm. 465 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,373 It's nice to meet you. Who can I make this out to? 466 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,875 Is it true Tara Lipinski replaced Michelle Kwan 467 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,910 with an impostor so she could steal the gold? 468 00:17:57,944 --> 00:17:59,979 Uh, well, that's quite a lot. 469 00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:01,481 How about, "Believe in yourself"? 470 00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:04,151 What we really need, Nancy, is answers. 471 00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,218 Is it true? 472 00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:06,886 What makes you think I know? 473 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:07,987 Because you're the hub of 474 00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:09,556 the professional ice-skating world, Kerrigan. 475 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,057 You know everything that goes on. 476 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,126 Hi. Honey Ellis. -Hi. 477 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,327 I did your makeup when you played 478 00:18:14,361 --> 00:18:16,496 Grizabella the Glamour Cat in Broadway on Ice. 479 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,165 Big fan. -Oh, right. 480 00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:20,066 Weren't you dating one of the lighting technicians? 481 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,734 Yes! It didn't work out. 482 00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:24,571 Of course it didn't. So, is it true? 483 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:27,174 Tell me what you think you know. 484 00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:31,010 Tara Lipinski replaced the real Michelle Kwan 485 00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:33,413 with a slightly less talented body double. 486 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,081 That's why the fake Michelle Kwan 487 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,250 flew into Tokyo, instead of Osaka. 488 00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:39,352 That's why she missed the Opening Ceremonies. 489 00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:42,422 And that's why she was kept "off site." 490 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,824 Look, Michelle flew into Tokyo 491 00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:46,693 because her pen pal Gabby lives there 492 00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:48,495 and offered to drive her from the airport. 493 00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:51,198 Also, flights are way cheaper if she left mid-week, 494 00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,633 and if you know Michelle, she likes a bargain. 495 00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:56,102 So that's why she missed the Opening Ceremonies. 496 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,471 Also, she didn't stay in the Olympic Village 497 00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:01,941 because the Men's Ice Hockey team throws really loud parties, 498 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,443 and that's why she got a hotel. 499 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:06,479 But what about getting from the hotel to the Olympic arena? 500 00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:08,281 Mm-hmm. She was photographed at the hotel 501 00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,049 15 minutes before her event. 502 00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:12,118 There's no way she could make it in 15 minutes. 503 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,953 That wasn't Michelle at the hotel that morning. 504 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,355 That was her sister, Karen. 505 00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,456 They look alike. 506 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,024 Michelle didn't even stay at the hotel 507 00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:19,292 the night before the event. 508 00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:21,461 She didn't? Where did she stay? 509 00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,696 Where she always stays the night before a big event -- 510 00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,131 on the ice. 511 00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,199 -Oh! -Oh... 512 00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:27,400 That's what I would do. 513 00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,869 But that couldn't have been the real Michelle Kwan. 514 00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:31,137 But it was. 515 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,139 Michelle Kwan trained her whole life to win gold. 516 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,707 She sacrificed everything. 517 00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:37,477 How could she possibly come in second place? 518 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,246 Sometimes life isn't fair. 519 00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:41,248 Believe me. I know all about that. 520 00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:42,815 And crazy conspiracies. 521 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:45,818 You can work really hard, do everything right, 522 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,987 and sometimes life just throws you a Lipinski. 523 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:51,758 You just have to pick yourself back up and keep on skating. 524 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,726 Thanks for coming out. 525 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,795 Appreciate it. 526 00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:57,930 I like your Kerribun. 527 00:19:57,964 --> 00:20:01,401 Oh, it's not -- It -- Thank you. 528 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:05,004 Jessica, are you okay? 529 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,673 No, I'm not. 530 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,107 Everything I know -- 531 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,576 Everything I've taught my children -- 532 00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:11,844 My whole worldview is wrong. 533 00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:14,447 [ Gasps ] Wait. Mommy, look! 534 00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:24,056 So Tara Lipinski did replace Michelle Kwan with an impostor! 535 00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:25,191 I knew it! 536 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,193 There's no way somebody who works that hard 537 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,595 comes in second place. 538 00:20:28,628 --> 00:20:30,062 It just isn't possible. 539 00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:39,606 ** 540 00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:43,710 You know, your Sharpie is slightly thinner than hers. 541 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,211 It worked, didn't it? 542 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,246 The truth that Michelle Kwan did everything right 543 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,316 and still lost would crush mom. 544 00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:51,250 She needs to believe. 545 00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:56,923 You know what, you go ahead. 546 00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:58,791 I'm gonna stick around for this. 547 00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:00,192 Hmm. 548 00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:06,733 Announcer: Tonight, Dave welcomes the cast of "Baywatch." 549 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,267 Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! 550 00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:09,636 I'm gonna go grab a soda. 551 00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:12,238 Uh, no soda after 9:00 p.m. 552 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,606 Okay, Mr. Huang. 553 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:14,807 [ Chuckles ] 554 00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:16,843 Hey, how about, just for tonight, 555 00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:18,945 I let you boys stay up to watch the musical guest? 556 00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:21,080 ...with musical guest Paula Cole! 557 00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:23,082 Nah, we're good. 558 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:26,353 ** 559 00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:27,854 I think that's a good idea. 560 00:21:27,887 --> 00:21:29,322 Hmm.