1
00:00:03,071 --> 00:00:04,272
**

2
00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:10,111
One and two and three and burn!

3
00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:12,280
What are you doing?

4
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:13,547
Leg lifts.

5
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,249
Keeps the man buns tight.

6
00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:17,518
[ Straining ]
Four and five.

7
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:18,719
What are you up to?

8
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:20,654
Nicole and I are gonna
go see "Spice World."

9
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,356
I didn't know
you liked the Spice Girls.

10
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:25,093
I don't, but Nicole
is obsessed with Scary.

11
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,327
Guess she likes them crazy.

12
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:30,431
Plus, one reviewer said it was
"4 stars shy of a 4-star movie."

13
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:32,233
It's gonna be so bad
it's good.

14
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:33,767
[ Faltering British accent ]
Like my British accent.

15
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:36,070
I'll give you guys
a ride to the movie

16
00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:37,738
if you promise
to never do that again.

17
00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:39,473
[ Scoffs ] [ Normal voice ]
Nicole's gonna drive.

18
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:42,476
Besides,
your car is mad filthy.

19
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,312
I can't be seen riding
that kind of dirty.

20
00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:46,780
What are you talking about?
My car isn't dirty.

21
00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:48,649
See?

22
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:49,850
Clean.

23
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,586
That's the side of the car
that gets hit by the sprinklers.

24
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:55,656
**

25
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:58,192
Oh.

26
00:00:58,226 --> 00:00:59,327
What happened?

27
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,629
You and Mom used to wash
the car together every Sunday.

28
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:04,298
Yeah, I guess
it's been a while.

29
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:07,768
Huh.

30
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:10,404
No wonder
the grass is dying.

31
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,875
-- Captions by VITAC --

32
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,210
* Fresh off the boat

33
00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:17,778
* I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go *

34
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,214
* If you don't know, homey,
now you know *

35
00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:21,215
* Fresh off the boat

36
00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:23,684
* Homey, you don't know
where I come from *

37
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:25,253
* But I know where I'm goin'

38
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:28,088
* I'm fresh off the boat

39
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:33,261
Isn't this fun,
washing the car together?

40
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:34,895
I can't believe
it's been so long.

41
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:35,763
[ Flies buzzing ]

42
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:37,631
Where are all these flies
coming from?

43
00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:39,167
Is Marvin tanning a deer?

44
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,269
[ Chuckles ]

45
00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:43,371
Hey, Jessica.

46
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:44,638
Oh!
[ Snickers ]

47
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:45,806
What are you doing?

48
00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:47,641
Oh, come on.
We love this.

49
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:50,278
It's cheaper, faster, and better
than going to a car wash.

50
00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:52,913
And it's a free
upper-body workout. I know.

51
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,816
Mommy, your book editor
is on the phone.

52
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:57,451
Uch.

53
00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:59,153
Terry.

54
00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:01,389
He's in town and wants
to meet about the manuscript.

55
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:04,458
I sent him a new draft,
and he still has notes.

56
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,694
I also had some thoughts on your
last draft if you're open --

57
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,596
I'm not.

58
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:12,700
[ Sighs ] Sure, don't mind
what ol' Evan has to say.

59
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,603
I'm only reading
at a 9th-grade level.

60
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:19,240
Marvin: Hey, it's been a while
since you two washed the car.

61
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:21,909
Hey. Marvin.

62
00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:23,311
How long
have you been sitting there?

63
00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:24,312
Three hours.

64
00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:25,513
Oh.

65
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:27,648
Yeah, Jessica and I used to
wash the car every weekend,

66
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,617
but she's been busy lately.

67
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,319
I guess we'll get to it
when she has the time.

68
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:33,187
Or maybe you'll never get
to it.

69
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:34,388
What?

70
00:02:34,422 --> 00:02:36,890
I'm just sayin'. You gotta stay
on top of these things, Lou.

71
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,959
You don't want to lose
that connection.

72
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,394
You think
that's what's happening?

73
00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:41,562
Could be.
I mean, I don't know.

74
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:45,399
I'm just one man,
reading Parade in the sun.

75
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:47,301
I don't want
to lose our connection.

76
00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:50,271
Well, then remind her
how much she means to you.

77
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,572
Get her a nice gift.

78
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:52,673
That's what I always do.

79
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:54,275
[ Chuckles ]

80
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:55,309
Aah!

81
00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:57,978
Marvin, call the store!
The diamonds got corroded!

82
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,947
[ Laughs ]
It's not corroded.

83
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:01,282
It's chocolate.

84
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,286
She never wore them.

85
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:07,955
I asked her why once, and
she said, "Oh, I wear them!"

86
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,490
But she doesn't.

87
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,759
It's been a while
since I surprised Jessica

88
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:12,926
with something nice.

89
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,396
The last thing I got her was
a Taser when she complained

90
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,498
about the crowd
outside Jack in the Box.

91
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,900
Yeah, ever since they introduced
that Extreme Sausage Sandwich.

92
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,802
[ Sighs ]

93
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,537
[ School bell rings ]

94
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,940
When the boy visits
Santiago's shed each night,

95
00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:29,610
why does he reference
his favorite baseball player,

96
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:30,811
Joe DiMaggio?

97
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,381
[ Sighs ]

98
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:34,982
Yes, Emery.

99
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:38,386
DiMaggio's father was also
a poor fisherman, like Santiago.

100
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,787
That's right.

101
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:42,022
Santiago hoped the boy would
rise above his circumstance--

102
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,258
I said that's right.

103
00:03:44,292 --> 00:03:48,629
Sorry to interrupt, Ms. Doris,
but I have some V.P.C. here.

104
00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:50,798
Very Precious Cargo.

105
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:51,899
Oh.

106
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:52,833
As you know,
Lincoln Middle School

107
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:55,336
received its first grade-skipper
this year,

108
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:58,772
and now he's skipping his way
into 7th-grade English.

109
00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:01,275
There are no seats
in the front row.

110
00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:03,844
Hey, Stripes.
To the back.

111
00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:09,717
This is so exciting.
We have a class together.

112
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,885
We're discussing
"The Old Man and the Sea."

113
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,921
Taking on classic literature,
family style.

114
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,022
I like it.

115
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:17,725
Okay, can anyone tell me
what the Old Man's struggle

116
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,493
with the marlin represents?

117
00:04:19,527 --> 00:04:20,828
Ooh. Oh, oh!
I know, I know!

118
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:25,433
**

119
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:26,767
Where am I supposed
to sit?

120
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,902
There's no empty desks
back here.

121
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:31,472
Hell, knock off early.
You earned it.

122
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,542
**

123
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:35,776
Jessica,
I have a surprise for --

124
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:38,612
Hi, Louis!
This is my editor, Terry.

125
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:40,414
He arrived via Amtrak.

126
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:42,850
Unfortunately,
I'm on a no-fly list.

127
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:43,717
I don't want
to get into it.

128
00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:46,687
Tell Louis the story
about Tom Clancy.

129
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,824
Rumor is,
Clancy's a vegetarian.

130
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,593
Crazy.

131
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:53,761
No meat.

132
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,863
Uh, yeah, impressive.

133
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:57,631
Uh, Jessica,
can I talk to you?

134
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,435
**

135
00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:03,537
Okay, so here's the plan:
We go back out there,

136
00:05:03,571 --> 00:05:05,773
I'll say my kidney is hurting,
and I need a ride to dialysis.

137
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:06,840
Louis, it's okay.

138
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,409
I'm not looking
for an escape.

139
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,578
Terry's
actually pretty interesting.

140
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:12,446
But I thought
you said he was annoying,

141
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:13,747
always giving you notes.

142
00:05:13,781 --> 00:05:16,049
Yeah, that is annoying,
but Terry was telling me

143
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,619
he's edited
a lot of successful authors.

144
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,522
You know who else hates
Terry's notes, but takes them?

145
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:24,024
Koontz...

146
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:27,361
I thought you were
gonna say more people.

147
00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:28,762
Well, who else
do I need to say?

148
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:30,030
It's Koontz.

149
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,866
Terry invited me to his client's
book reading later this week.

150
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:35,436
He says if I really nail
these revisions,

151
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:38,406
I could be traveling through
Florida on my own book tour.

152
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:41,575
If all goes well, maybe
we even hit the Rust Belt.

153
00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:43,677
Uh, uh,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

154
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:44,812
I got you something.

155
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,981
Oh, what's this?

156
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,150
**

157
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,552
A fly swatter?

158
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:52,820
Mm-hmm.
It's electric.

159
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,455
Because earlier
they were bothering you.

160
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:56,824
The Electro-Sizzle
has a 3,000-volt grid.

161
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,659
It burns bugs' bodies
on contact...
Mm-hmm.

162
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,694
...and makes a victory sound
every time you kill a queen.

163
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,963
Great.
I'll play with it later.

164
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:06,600
But -- But you got to properly
store it in its sheathe!

165
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:12,840
**

166
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,141
What are you doing?

167
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:16,477
Making a diorama
of "The Old Man and the Sea."

168
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:17,845
This is the scene
where Santiago

169
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,580
uses a harpoon
to fend off sharks.

170
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,482
[ Ominous music plays ]

171
00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:24,885
Ms. Doris
didn't assign us a diorama.

172
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,153
I know.

173
00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:28,722
Okay, Evan,
you're new to the class,

174
00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:30,558
so let me explain something
to you:

175
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,893
I'm this close
to being Ms. Doris' favorite.

176
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,027
Really?

177
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:35,996
It doesn't seem like
she likes you.

178
00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:37,465
She told you
to put your head down

179
00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:39,066
for the last ten minutes
of class.

180
00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:40,834
She knows I get overexcited.

181
00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:43,437
I'll admit, she's been
a tough nut to crack.

182
00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:45,539
But I've almost got
that walnut shelled.

183
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:49,710
Let me explain something
to you.

184
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,480
I've been the favorite
of every teacher I've ever had.

185
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:56,149
Much like Old Man Santiago,
I refuse to be defeated.

186
00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:57,485
You're out of your league,
little man!

187
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:58,486
Turn around
and get outta here!

188
00:06:58,519 --> 00:06:59,820
Whoa, I hear conflict.

189
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,021
Are you guys
fighting over a girl?

190
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,122
No, a woman.

191
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:03,056
Oh!

192
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,124
It's our teacher.

193
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,759
Oh.

194
00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:08,729
I don't care enough about this
to watch it conclude.

195
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,063
I'm gonna go see
"Spice World" again.

196
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,832
Turns out
it was really good.

197
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,834
I'm gonna stay for the end
credits and everything.

198
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,704
Everybody who worked on
that movie deserves my respect.

199
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:20,741
**

200
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:26,847
All right.

201
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,249
Hey, Marvin.
Sorry to bother you at work.

202
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,018
No, no.
It's totally fine.

203
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,586
You got me between patients.

204
00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,187
Bye-bye, Mr. Jensen.

205
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:35,656
[ Laughs ]

206
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:37,691
[ Breathes deeply ]
Man.

207
00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:40,728
He always comes in
just after he's eaten salami.
Oh.

208
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,229
I took your advice,
and it didn't work.

209
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:45,165
I bought Jessica a fly swatter,
and she totally didn't care.

210
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,034
The Electro-Sizzle.
It's awesome.

211
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,669
You don't have to tell me.
I love mine.

212
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,237
I took down a whole family
of moths with it

213
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,139
after they destroyed
my peacoat.

214
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,642
I left one alive
to deliver the message.

215
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,610
Jessica normally loves
practical gifts,

216
00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:58,278
but I think
she was distracted by Terry.

217
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,280
Who's Terry?
Her book editor.

218
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:03,116
Wait, is this a male Terry
or a female Terry?

219
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,251
Male Terry.

220
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:06,687
Those are
the worst kind of Terrys.

221
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,056
So, she's too busy
to wash the car,

222
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:11,959
she's not interested
in bug-zapping technology,

223
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,628
and now this male Terry comes
rolling in on the D train?

224
00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:17,264
Oh, this is more serious
than just loss of connection.

225
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:19,266
This is
a classic 7-Year Itch.

226
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:20,267
No, it's not.

227
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,102
Jessica and I
have been married for 15 years.

228
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:24,872
Oh, then it's gonna hit you
slightly harder than double.

229
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,074
Every marriage
goes through this slump.

230
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,576
Mine certainly did.

231
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:29,610
How did you get through it?

232
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,078
I got Honey!

233
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:38,586
No way. My marriage
is not going to fall apart.

234
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,120
Yeah, that's
what everybody thinks.

235
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:43,591
Then time marches on, and
you drift a little bit apart.

236
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:45,993
Before you know it, you end up
like Chrissie Shrimpton.

237
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,060
Who's that?

238
00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:48,228
Mick Jagger's
first girlfriend.

239
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:50,230
She supported Mick
in the early days.

240
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:53,734
Once The Stones got rolling,
he rolled away from her

241
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,669
and into the arms of Bianca.

242
00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:58,105
I don't want to be
Chrissie Shrimpton.

243
00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,106
Nobody does.

244
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,741
Not even Chrissie Shrimpton.

245
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,275
Well, what do I need to do?

246
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:03,476
Up your game.

247
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:06,680
You remind Jessica of the Louis
that she fell in love with.

248
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:10,618
**

249
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:13,353
[ School bell rings ]

250
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,889
Bye, Ms. Doris.
Hope you have a good night.

251
00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:18,225
And I hope
you have a wonderful night.

252
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,160
[ Sighs ] Come on.

253
00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:21,929
What are you doing?

254
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,664
What are you doing?

255
00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:25,866
I'm gonna clean
Ms. Doris' whiteboards.

256
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,068
I was gonna rake
her desktop Zen garden.

257
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:33,841
**

258
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:34,875
Uhh!

259
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,678
Must...erase...board.

260
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:38,912
Get back here!

261
00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:39,913
[ Both grunting ]

262
00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:41,882
Let...go!

263
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:42,883
[ Crash ]

264
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,184
[ Grunts ]

265
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,019
Must...rake...sand.

266
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,020
Aah!

267
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,357
-Stop.
-You stop!

268
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:53,894
Hey.
Wait a minute.

269
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,796
What's this?

270
00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:00,634
It's a photo
of Eddie and Ms. Doris?

271
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,369
How come
you can see her teeth?

272
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:05,138
I think she's...smiling.

273
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:11,211
**

274
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,983
[ Chris de Burgh's "Lady in Red"
plays ]

275
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:19,019
* Ooh, ooh

276
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:22,022
* Ooh, ooh-ooh

277
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:25,292
* I've never seen you looking
so lovely as you did tonight *

278
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:26,994
What are you doing?

279
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,797
* I've never seen you shine
so bright *

280
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,965
You got flowers
on my keyboard.

281
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:34,301
You won't need your keyboard
in the bedroom.

282
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,303
I've been doing leg lifts.

283
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:37,738
[ Sighs ]
Now is not a good time.

284
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:39,072
I'm in the middle
of something.

285
00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:40,908
Oh, come on.
The boys are all out,

286
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:44,211
and Mom's got her headphones on,
watching "NYPD Blue."

287
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:48,015
The whole house is ours!

288
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:50,283
I'm working
on my book revisions.

289
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,953
* Or the highlights in your hair
that catch your eyes *

290
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,755
Want me to tickle your head?

291
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:55,723
What?

292
00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:57,657
Oh, what's another word
for "hemorrhage"?

293
00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:04,097
Bleed out.
* The lady in red

294
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:07,000
* Is dancing with me

295
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,437
I even offered
to tickle her head.

296
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,105
Who offers to tickle
someone's head?

297
00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:14,107
I meant "neck," but in
the moment, I said "head."

298
00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:15,809
Oh, this is worse
than I thought.

299
00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:18,178
She's so focused on her book
she doesn't even see me.

300
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:19,780
Well, then you got to get her
away from that.

301
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,882
Get her out of the house.
Take her somewhere special.

302
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:24,885
Like a romantic picnic
by the water.

303
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:27,354
Ho-ho!
A checkered blanket for two.

304
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:30,357
Oh, but Terry's in town,
she's on a deadline...

305
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,491
It's not a good time.

306
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,426
It's never gonna be
a good time.

307
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,395
Forget all the reasons
for not doing it

308
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,765
and just sweep her
off her feet.

309
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:40,433
Oh, a little tip:

310
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:43,036
No matter how well
you think things are going,

311
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,972
do not attempt
to fly a kite.

312
00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:47,074
**

313
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:50,343
No, I'm pretty sure
it's Porsche Spice.

314
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,212
Like, what is Posh?

315
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:55,215
All right, Nicole,
agree to disagree.

316
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:58,018
Who were you talking to?
Your best friend Ms. Doris?

317
00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:01,454
Or should we say,
"Best Friends 4 Eva"?

318
00:12:01,488 --> 00:12:05,058
Oh, my God.
Where'd you guys find this?

319
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:07,127
On her desk,
in a folder marked "memories."

320
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,262
Aww.
Ms. Doris is the best.

321
00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:12,032
No, she's not. She's a cold
walnut we can't crack.

322
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,166
How are you a teacher's pet?

323
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,935
And that teacher
of all teachers?

324
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,103
I'm not a teacher's pet.

325
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,270
We just got along.

326
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:18,538
What's your secret?

327
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,273
There's no secret.

328
00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:22,075
I was just being myself.

329
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,144
[ School bell rings ]

330
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:25,545
Shaaaq!

331
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,915
Ms. Doris:
Dennis Scooott!

332
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:32,485
Ms. D? You're into
the Orlando Magic?

333
00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:35,055
Season ticket holder.
Going tonight.

334
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:38,558
Penny Hardaway is gonna
dominate that nerd Grant Hill.

335
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,227
We need to hang out more.

336
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,294
So we did.

337
00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:42,395
And then it was picture day,

338
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,531
and we thought it would be
funny to take one together.

339
00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,066
And it was.

340
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,567
That's how you got her
to like you?

341
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,302
By playing trash basketball?

342
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:51,138
You didn't make
an extra-credit diorama

343
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:52,139
or come to class early

344
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:54,307
to make sure her chair
was ergonomically set?

345
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:56,877
When?
When did you do that?!

346
00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:58,946
Dude, stop trying
to kiss up to Ms. Doris.

347
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:00,047
That's not gonna work
on her.

348
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,549
If you had seen "Spice World,"
you'd realize that life

349
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:03,416
is about trying
to find a way

350
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,285
to make genuine connections
with people.

351
00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:07,120
Hang on.
Let me write this down.

352
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:08,121
[ Gasps ] Aah!

353
00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:09,556
My Keroppi!

354
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:11,224
This is
what I'm talking about.

355
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,193
Don't write anything down.

356
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,395
Just be regular.

357
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,164
[ Sighs ]

358
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:18,131
Do you think he --
Shh!

359
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:20,934
I'm committing
his instructions to memory.

360
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:23,470
Spice Girls,
genuine connection, be regular.

361
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:25,105
SG, GC, BR.

362
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,173
Got it.

363
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:31,178
**

364
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,086
**

365
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:40,420
[ Chuckles ]

366
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:44,257
**

367
00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:46,860
Richard Ramirez,
Night Stalker!
[ Electricity buzzing ]

368
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:51,398
[ Groaning ]

369
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:52,399
[ Siren chirps ]

370
00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:55,035
You tried to kidnap me?

371
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:57,604
I was going to take you
on a romantic picnic.

372
00:13:57,637 --> 00:14:00,507
Until you shocked me
with the stun gun I bought you.

373
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,442
That's how you wanted
to take me on a picnic?

374
00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:04,544
By sneaking up behind me
in a parking lot?

375
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,479
You're lucky
I didn't have my gun gun.

376
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,048
You own a real gun?

377
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:09,950
Ach, quit trying
to turn this on me.

378
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,518
What is going on with you,
Louis?

379
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:14,421
I'm trying to get us
through our 15-Year Itch!

380
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:15,588
15-Year Itch?

381
00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:17,124
What is
this made-up thing?

382
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:19,026
What white friend
told you this?

383
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:20,593
Marvin.
And he's right.

384
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:22,162
We're drifting apart.

385
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,164
Drifting apart?
I've just been busy.

386
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,333
Too busy for your husband,
you mean.

387
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:30,003
Not too busy to take notes
from Terry and work on your book

388
00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:32,572
and not properly store
your new fly swatter.

389
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:34,307
Don't you care
about our marriage?

390
00:14:34,341 --> 00:14:35,542
Of course I do.

391
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:38,045
Well, then why am I
the only one who's trying?

392
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,512
You know what your problem is,
Louis?

393
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,181
You think you're easy-going.

394
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,349
And you are.

395
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,284
Until you decide you aren't.

396
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:45,953
And when that happens,
you expect me

397
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:49,222
to drop what I'm doing
and be there for you.

398
00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:53,060
But this one time, I have
something that is just mine,

399
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,928
something that's really
important to me

400
00:14:54,962 --> 00:14:56,463
outside of you
and the kids,

401
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:58,431
suddenly
we're "drifting apart"?

402
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:03,470
**

403
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:07,040
All right, I got her on
"assault with a deadly weapon"

404
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:08,475
and you
on "false imprisonment."

405
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,110
Those charges offset.

406
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:13,280
So how about we say
"marital misunderstanding"

407
00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:15,615
and "attempted picnic"
and call it a day?

408
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:20,687
**

409
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,626
**

410
00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:28,228
Thanks for the ride home.

411
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,430
I'll bet this is the first time
you've ever seen a husband

412
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,332
get tased by his wife.

413
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,201
[ Laughs ]

414
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:35,468
Oh, that's funny.

415
00:15:35,502 --> 00:15:37,370
That's a good one.

416
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:39,072
Did you hear
what Jessica said back there?

417
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:41,141
We all heard
what Jessica said.

418
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,475
Her voice carries.

419
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:45,012
I don't expect her to drop
what she's doing.

420
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:47,014
And I am easy-going.
I don't ask for much.

421
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,615
That's what
most husbands think.

422
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,617
'Cause they're used to
being the focal point.

423
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,552
Whose side are you on?

424
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:55,088
You know what?
Just let me out.

425
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:58,091
I think you'll find
you can't open the doors.

426
00:15:58,125 --> 00:15:59,359
I'm just saying.

427
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:02,062
Sometimes we expect things
to be a certain way

428
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:04,331
because that's how
they've always been.

429
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:07,234
**

430
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,102
Hmm.

431
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:10,670
[ School bell rings ]

432
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:13,173
'Sup?

433
00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:15,608
My favorite class
is recess.

434
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,747
Hey, great job
at being regular.
You too.

435
00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:23,616
It was silly of us to compete
for Ms. Doris' attention.

436
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,386
Let's never let a teacher
come between us again.

437
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:27,987
**

438
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,392
What is that?

439
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:33,393
I'm weak!

440
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:35,095
Give me that jersey!
Aah!

441
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:38,131
Hey, hey!
No fighting in my classroom!

442
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:40,133
You know what?
That's it!

443
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:45,372
**

444
00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:47,340
This is going
on our permanent record.

445
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,209
Goodbye, Yale.
Hello, Georgia Tech.

446
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:52,645
Hey!
No talking in detention.

447
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:57,184
Oh, thanks.

448
00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:58,551
I didn't wanna bend down.

449
00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:01,088
No problem.
Do you need anything else?

450
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:03,790
Yeah.
There's, uh...

451
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:06,493
there's lots of penises
drawn on the back board.

452
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,795
You can try to erase those.

453
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:10,230
Of course!

454
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:11,298
If you've got any spray,

455
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:14,334
I can also hit the faint
outlines of the shadow ones.

456
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:17,070
You can try, but I don't
think that spray works.

457
00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:20,740
I've been using it forever,
and they just don't go away.

458
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:23,243
That's because you need
to use a microfiber towel.

459
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,412
But I don't have a micro--

460
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:28,348
You -- You boys are great.

461
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,283
Are you sure you belong here?

462
00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:31,251
We don't.

463
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:33,653
But maybe we do.

464
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:36,289
We weren't the problem.

465
00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:37,524
It was Ms. Doris.

466
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,492
She's the one who messed up.

467
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,395
Can I help empty
the trash can?

468
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,664
Nice try, Stripes.
My name's Jordan.

469
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:47,534
Stop trying to humanize
yourself, okay, Stripes?

470
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:55,242
Hey.

471
00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:56,576
Stay away, Louis.

472
00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:57,877
I'm going
to the book reading.

473
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,746
I know. I was hoping
I could give you a ride.

474
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,781
No.
I thought you might say that,

475
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:04,151
so I hid your tire.

476
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:07,454
**

477
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:08,821
Where's my tire?!

478
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,457
You don't want
to keep Terry waiting.

479
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:12,225
[ Sighs ]

480
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:19,766
Just so you know,
I brought both.

481
00:18:24,571 --> 00:18:25,405
Where are you going?

482
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,274
B. Dalton Bookseller
is the other way.

483
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:29,776
I wanted to make a pit stop.

484
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:32,379
At a car wash?

485
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:34,647
I thought the car
was looking a little dirty.

486
00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:37,684
I miss washing the car
with you

487
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:39,286
because it was something
we did together

488
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:41,854
back when we had more time
for each other.

489
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:44,724
But I was only looking at it
from my side.

490
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:46,793
I understand you have
your book now and you're busy,

491
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:47,860
and I'm all for that.

492
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:50,197
So to show my support,

493
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:52,265
I got you a package
of gift certificates

494
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:53,900
for 10 automatic car washes.

495
00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:57,570
That's very thoughtful,
but it is too extravagant.

496
00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:59,606
It was free with
our grocery rewards points.

497
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,775
Oh, Louis.
That's so sweet.

498
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:05,312
You will always be
a priority for me.

499
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:08,248
I miss spending time
with you, too.

500
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:11,518
And I'm sorry I put
electricity through your body.

501
00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:12,652
Oh, it's okay.

502
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:13,953
It was
only a second-degree burn.

503
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,355
It'll heal.

504
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,324
Not as fast as skin
that hasn't been burned,

505
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:18,925
but still, it'll heal.

506
00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:20,627
[ Sighs ]

507
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,263
All this exciting stuff
is happening with your book,

508
00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:24,664
and your life is expanding.

509
00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:26,799
I guess, deep down,
I was scared

510
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,402
that you're gonna
leave me behind,

511
00:19:29,436 --> 00:19:31,904
like Chrissie Shrimpton.
Who's that?

512
00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:34,407
Mick Jagger's girlfriend
before he became a huge star.

513
00:19:34,441 --> 00:19:36,676
I'll never leave you behind.

514
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:40,280
I am
a beautiful Mylar balloon,

515
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:43,883
and you're the lug nut
that keeps me grounded.

516
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:47,454
If anything,
you're my Dorothea Hurley.

517
00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:49,322
Who's that?
Bon Jovi's wife.

518
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:50,723
He married
his high-school sweetheart,

519
00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:52,392
and they're still together.

520
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:54,594
And Bon Jovi
could have anybody.

521
00:19:54,627 --> 00:20:01,601
**

522
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,641
And there was this one stubborn
shadow-P we couldn't get,

523
00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:10,643
so we turned it
into a dog profile.

524
00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:12,679
Mr. Carlson was so thrilled,

525
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,947
he ripped up the detention
slips and let us go.

526
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:16,683
Yale is still in play.

527
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,651
Mr. Carlson from detention?

528
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:19,952
He hated my guts.

529
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:21,488
Well, he loved us.

530
00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:23,690
Gave us a couple Zippos
from the lost and found.

531
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,458
Mine has a shamrock on it.

532
00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:27,527
Anyway, we just wanted
to say thank you.

533
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,729
For what?
You told us to be regular.

534
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:30,930
This is our regular.

535
00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:32,732
Ms. Doris may not like us,

536
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:35,935
but as long as 99%
of authority figures do,

537
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,404
that's still an A-plus.

538
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:38,805
Not everyone
has to like everyone.

539
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:40,540
Word.

540
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,509
Did you guys know
Mom has a gun?

541
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:47,714
It's hard to believe
the Michelin Man

542
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,516
is made up
of a bunch of these.

543
00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:52,919
Huh. I never really thought
about that, but yeah.

544
00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:54,321
Why is he white, though?

545
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:55,187
Shouldn't he be black?

546
00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:57,324
Let's not get into
that whole thing.

547
00:20:57,357 --> 00:20:59,326
We're having a nice time.

548
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:04,831
What's the rush?

549
00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:06,533
Don't you have work to do?

550
00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:07,534
Oh, it can wait.

551
00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:09,669
[ Chuckles ]

552
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:13,306
[ Electricity zapping ]

553
00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:14,474
[ Tone plays ]
Oh, I got a queen!

554
00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:16,943
-[ Laughs ]
-Ah.

555
00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:20,580
Aww. Those two kids
are gonna make it after all.

556
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:21,981
[ Laughs ]

557
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:25,017
**