1
00:00:02,903 --> 00:00:06,040
So then I asked,
"Is there diary
in the beignets?"

2
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:07,408
And the guy says --

3
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:08,942
My mom is coming
to visit.

4
00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:11,245
Whoa.
Fay's coming?

5
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:12,413
Next week.
Hmm.

6
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,515
She called before
Louis and Jessica came over.

7
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:16,617
She wants to help me
get ready for the baby.

8
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:18,052
Yeah, but I thought
that you and Jessica

9
00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:19,553
were gonna go on
that Best Friends cruise

10
00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:21,055
that you won
on "Wheel of Fortune."

11
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,091
I'm sorry, Jessica.
I can't go.

12
00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:24,558
Good.
I can't go, either.

13
00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:26,394
To beautiful Cozumel?
Why not?

14
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:28,762
I saw on the nightly news
that every year,

15
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,265
one woman falls
off a cruise ship.

16
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,733
It's only January.

17
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:35,769
If I went out there
and somebody pushed me over,

18
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:36,870
as I was falling
to my death,

19
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,107
I would be thinking,
"This is all my fault.

20
00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:41,109
I knew it was January."

21
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:44,078
I am so glad
you're gonna be here.

22
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:45,646
I could use your help
with my mom.

23
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,581
She still treats me
like a teenager.

24
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:49,049
She is very controlling.

25
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:50,784
Well,
I am also controlling.

26
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,086
I love control.

27
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:53,121
Pass the water.

28
00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:55,423
Control.

29
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,491
Exactly.

30
00:00:57,591 --> 00:00:59,093
So, with you on my side,

31
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:01,495
I'll finally have control...
through you.

32
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:04,098
I think that is
a dynamite plan,

33
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,734
the two of you
taking on Fay together.

34
00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:08,269
Building off that,

35
00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:10,671
maybe Louis and I could go
on that cruise.

36
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:13,507
I mean, it expires, right?
We don't want to lose it.

37
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,309
It is slow at the restaurant
after the holidays.

38
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,145
January's when people
lie to themselves

39
00:01:17,245 --> 00:01:18,246
about getting in shape.

40
00:01:18,346 --> 00:01:20,414
Great.
Sounds like a plan.

41
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:22,450
And of course,
I'll call you every night

42
00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:23,984
to say, "I love you."

43
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,119
Aww.

44
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:26,820
And I will also
call you every night --

45
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:27,855
Ship-to-shore calls
cost a fortune.

46
00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:29,857
If you truly love me,
don't call.

47
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:32,793
Okay.

48
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,795
**

49
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,297
* Fresh off the boat *

50
00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:37,798
* I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go *

51
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,933
* If you don't know, homey,
now you know *

52
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:41,369
* Fresh off the boat *

53
00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:43,837
* Homey, you don't know
where I come from *

54
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,105
* But I know where I'm goin' *

55
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:48,108
* I'm fresh off the boat *

56
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:50,844
Okay, my mom will
get to my house at 11:40.

57
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:51,879
You come over at 11:45.

58
00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:53,847
She'll have been there
for five minutes,

59
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,149
so you'll walk in
mid-fight.

60
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:57,651
It'll be something about how
I'm not being pregnant right.

61
00:01:57,751 --> 00:01:58,852
Just take my side,

62
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,988
and then strongly suggest
my mom take a nap.

63
00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:03,157
I'll just say she looks tired
from her travels --

64
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:05,125
a long way from Salt Lake City,
blah, blah, blah.

65
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:07,395
She's from Scottsdale,
but, yeah, that's fine.

66
00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:10,164
Oh, also,
since Marvin's gone,

67
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:12,633
will you come with me to this
parenting class I signed up for?

68
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,135
Can I use
a fake name in the class?

69
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:16,570
Just for fun, you know?

70
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:20,208
I've always wanted to try
the name "Cynthia McCormick."

71
00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:22,643
Honey, here are
the red paint swatches

72
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:25,045
from when the HOA repainted
that fire hydrant.

73
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,514
Thank you.

74
00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:28,416
Ooh, so many shades!

75
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:29,683
So,
what are you painting?

76
00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:31,018
You know how most people

77
00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:33,153
assign gender to their babies
through color?

78
00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:36,590
You know, how they paint
their nursery pink or blue

79
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:37,891
based on the baby's sex?

80
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:41,429
I want to do our nursery
in a gender-neutral color --

81
00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:42,863
red.

82
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:45,699
Red? No.
Satan was a red baby.

83
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:48,502
Satan?
The Devil. Lucifer.

84
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,338
Beelzebub.
The Beast.

85
00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:51,872
Yeah, no,
I know who Satan is.

86
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:55,376
I just don't think red
is gonna...summon him.

87
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:57,378
You don't think,
but you don't know

88
00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:59,747
because no one's been crazy
enough to take the chance.

89
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,682
Please do not bring
the Shadow King

90
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:02,883
into this neighborhood.

91
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:05,286
**

92
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:06,887
Dragonflies
don't have stingers.

93
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,522
I didn't get stung.

94
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:09,923
I was in the driveway

95
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:14,061
when a dragonfly landed on me
and injected its eggs in my arm.

96
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:16,730
There's a new transfer student,
and she's cute.

97
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,098
This school is huge.

98
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,433
There's no way you can know
every girl that goes here.

99
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,935
Of course I can.
What else am I doing?

100
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:25,273
Look.
She's right there.

101
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,276
Looks like
she needs assistance.

102
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:39,620
* I'm just a bachelor *

103
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:43,291
* I'm looking for a partner *

104
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:45,759
I'm not ready to be a dad.

105
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:48,762
* Ride it, my pony *

106
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:53,233
* My saddle's waitin' *

107
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:54,502
Hi.
I'm Karen.

108
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:57,104
Could you show me to my class?
I'm new.

109
00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:58,339
Tight.

110
00:03:58,439 --> 00:03:59,607
I'm Eddie.

111
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,275
I'll show you where
the good bathroom is, too.

112
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,577
All the graffiti
is really positive.

113
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,280
* Yeah *

114
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,817
Did we not agree to keep
that restroom a secret?

115
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:12,853
**

116
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:15,423
I'm late.

117
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,025
HONEY: 'Cause if you read it
in a magazine,

118
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,360
it has to be true,
right?!

119
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,094
Well, I don't care
what you read about in Forbes,

120
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:22,796
I am breast-feeding
my baby!

121
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:25,132
Jessica,
what a pleasant surprise.

122
00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:28,436
My mom just got here...
six minutes ago.

123
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,705
So, you think your body,

124
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,173
the same body
that produces urine,

125
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,176
can naturally produce nutrition
better than scientists in a lab?

126
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,445
I don't think so.

127
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:40,348
Breast-feeding is efficient
and economical.

128
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:41,615
All the food is free,

129
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:42,650
plus you don't
have to waste gas

130
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,284
driving to the store
because the store,

131
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,019
it's right there
on you -- two locations.

132
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,221
Thank you, Jessica.

133
00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:49,457
Mom, this is my neighbor

134
00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:51,024
and best friend
I was telling you about.

135
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,860
Hello, nice to meet --
Nice to meet you.

136
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:53,861
You look weary.

137
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,295
You should consider
taking a nap.

138
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:56,997
Oh.

139
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,399
Well,
I guess I am tired

140
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:01,702
from searching for where Honey
keeps her water glasses.

141
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,804
Maybe I will go lie down.

142
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,243
Thank you so much.

143
00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:11,879
You diffused
that whole situation.

144
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,582
Well, no one can control
the controller, Honey.

145
00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:16,183
I'm like a universal remote.

146
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:18,352
I mute
any TV you point me at.

147
00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:19,853
All right, well,

148
00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:22,990
I better run to the store
and pick up a roast chicken.

149
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:25,993
My mom likes to tear into a bird
when she wakes up.

150
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:31,999
Well, that was one hell
of a send

151
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:34,067
Where were those people
when I pushed off for Guam?

152
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,603
You know, I've never been

153
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:37,405
on an all-inclusive
vacation before.

154
00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:39,740
I'm gonna take advantage
of everything on this ship

155
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:40,908
and not spend a dime.

156
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:43,110
Sounds like you're gonna go
all out, huh, buddy?

157
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:46,346
Or am I going...
full steam ahead?

158
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:47,881
On a passenger vessel?

159
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,417
Dear God, I hope not.

160
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:50,551
Oh.

161
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:55,288
I drew a circle around it

162
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:57,124
to see if my baby bump's
getting bigger.

163
00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:58,859
It's firmer.
You want to feel?
I'm good.

164
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,794
How'd it go
with the new girl?

165
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,396
She wants to eat lunch
together.

166
00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:03,731
Maybe it's just
the hormones

167
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,399
from the dragonfly pregnancy
talking,

168
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:07,435
but I'm really happy
for you, Eddie.

169
00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:10,270
I don't know.
I can't tell if she likes me.

170
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,605
Just give her
the "Soda test."

171
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,775
Crack open a can, take a sip,
and offer her some.

172
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,911
If she goes lip-to-can instead
of pouring it from above...

173
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:21,214
Then she definitely
likes you.

174
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,154
Sip?

175
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:30,057
Okay.

176
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:34,227
**

177
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:38,331
**

178
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,970
Ooooooh!

179
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,805
* Yeah *

180
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,073
**

181
00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:48,141
Have you heard of this new thing
called "co-sleeping"

182
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,277
where the baby sleeps in bed
with you?

183
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:51,612
JESSICA: Ridiculous.

184
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:52,913
You know,
I used the same crib

185
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,949
for all three of my boys --
no successful escapes.

186
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:57,117
What's going on?

187
00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:59,653
Oh, hi, dear.
Jessica and I are just chatting.

188
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,622
I came back over
because I heard screaming.

189
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:02,990
I couldn't find the towels.

190
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,357
They're in the linen closet.

191
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,426
Anyway, Jessica and I
started talking,

192
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,596
and we share many
of the same philosophies.

193
00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:11,699
Like baby-proofing the house --
It's nonsense.

194
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:15,302
Your kids stubs their toe,
they feel pain, they learn.

195
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:18,639
Honey burned herself
in the fireplace three times.

196
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:21,308
We refused to put up a screen.
She learned.

197
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:22,476
Yes! Yes!

198
00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:24,344
It's about time
someone said it.

199
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,445
Thank you, Fay.

200
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:26,880
Oh, please.

201
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,315
Call me Mrs. St. Claire.

202
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,350
Oh. Mm-hmm.

203
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,285
**

204
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,791
Jessica,
a word in the nursery?

205
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:38,692
Uh...

206
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,127
I haven't painted it yet.

207
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:41,128
Okay.

208
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:44,565
You're supposed
to be on my side.

209
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:45,833
You said you'd support me.

210
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,168
Oh, you're right.
I'm sorry.

211
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:51,371
I'm just drawn
to a strong critical energy.

212
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,472
I will admit that.

213
00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:54,174
Okay, well,
we need to go back out there

214
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:56,209
and present a united
mothering front.

215
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,344
Absolutely.

216
00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:59,179
Whatever you want,
I'll follow you're lead.

217
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:01,481
Whoa.

218
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:08,255
Honey, what is this?
I went rummaging.

219
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:12,025
It's a parenting class
Jessica and I are going to.

220
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:14,828
"Wilhelmina Page,
Child Sage"?

221
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:17,430
Babies shouldn't play
with phones.

222
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:19,432
It's reckless.
What if it called 911?

223
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,535
Well, then it should be given
a MacArthur Grant

224
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,270
because at that stage
of development,

225
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:24,337
it would be a genius --

226
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,707
a genius hero baby.

227
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:27,775
Hmm.

228
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:29,409
The Page Method
is about letting the baby

229
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,711
tell you what it needs.

230
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:32,179
Babies can't talk.

231
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:35,048
This baby-led parenting
just means

232
00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:37,050
letting the child
do whatever it wants

233
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,186
and catering to it
every time it cries.

234
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:41,388
Crying means
it needs something.

235
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:42,690
Right, Jessica?

236
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,359
Yes.

237
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:48,028
Mm-hmm.

238
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:49,563
That class...

239
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:53,801
seems like a great use
of time.

240
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,603
Hmm.

241
00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:56,704
Can I come, then?

242
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,906
Y

243
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,107
Well, I've rummaged through

244
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,108
everything worth
rummaging through.

245
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:02,610
I'll just sit in the back,

246
00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:05,478
reading my Forbes,
breaking in my new boat shoes.

247
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:08,916
**

248
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,751
I'm meeting Karen
at the library,

249
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:12,986
then we're going to her house
and chill.

250
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:15,088
Halt!

251
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:16,724
Eddie,
I have bad news.

252
00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:18,058
As a member
of the Safety Patrol,

253
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,593
I was helping Karen
set up her locker,

254
00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:22,262
and I saw a picture
of her and her ex-boyfriend

255
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:23,430
from a school dance.

256
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:26,600
He's Asian.

257
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,168
So?

258
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,103
So, she didn't pick you
over us.

259
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,672
She's just got a "thing."

260
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,741
She's only into you
because you're Asian.

261
00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,943
As a ginger who's been
repeatedly objectified,

262
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:37,845
you don't want
to go down this road.

263
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:39,312
Now it makes sense.

264
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,014
She didn't even look my way.

265
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:42,916
I usually get
at least one glance,

266
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,251
even if it's defensive.

267
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,486
She also has a picture up
of her favorite guitarist.

268
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,454
Hendrix?

269
00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:49,322
Iha -- James Iha,

270
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,959
the blond Asian guitarist
from The Smashing Pumpkins.

271
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:53,326
Nah, man.

272
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:56,129
She picked me because she has
a preference for dope G's.

273
00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,798
You guys are just jealous.

274
00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:59,499
I'll prove it.

275
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,301
**

276
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,307
-17. Winner.

277
00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:09,476
Come on, Lou,
you gonna play or what?

278
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:10,610
Oh, just watching.

279
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,279
I'm not spending any money
on this trip.

280
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:15,348
How many servings of prime rib
have you had at the buffet?

281
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,150
Mm...four.

282
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:19,653
Okay, at market value
of $19.99 each,

283
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,121
you're already up
80 bucks.

284
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,023
You know what?
You're right.

285
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,624
I'm playing
with house money right now.

286
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:32,499
**

287
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:34,334
I'll stay.

288
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:35,803
Split me.

289
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,240
Hot dog!
Double split.

290
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,374
Split me.

291
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:45,679
**

292
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:48,215
Double-down city, Lou.
All right.

293
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:54,654
DEALER: 17, 20, 18, 14.

294
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:58,692
Dealer has 13, 16.

295
00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:00,728
Dealer has 21.

296
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,502
**

297
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:12,005
I don't even like oysters.

298
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,874
But they're so expensive,
they're the most efficient way

299
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:16,844
for me to make up
for my gambling losses.

300
00:11:16,944 --> 00:11:18,545
Clockwise from the left,
we have Fanny Bay --

301
00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:20,347
Don't care.
Just keep 'em coming.

302
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:25,352
For centuries,

303
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,221
mothers have believed
that they know best.

304
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:31,558
But what if we flipped that?

305
00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:35,763
What if baby knows best?

306
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,430
Mm-hmm.

307
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:38,465
Powerful.

308
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:39,432
Yes.

309
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,534
I'm Wilhelmina Page,

310
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:45,773
author of "Hear Me:
My Nine Months in the Womb,"

311
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:51,111
a first-person account
of being inside my own mother.

312
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:56,049
Think of your heartbeat

313
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:58,585
as a telegraph to the truth...

314
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:02,756
...and your baby
is trying to pound out a message

315
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:04,724
in Morse code.

316
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,459
Can you hear it?

317
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,062
Listen.
Lean in.

318
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,801
The baby is saying "Beep beep.

319
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:16,303
Who got the keys to the Jeep?"

320
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,338
Ha! Just playin'.
I love Missy Elliott.

321
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,573
We gonna have some fun
in here today.

322
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:21,975
Let me get the questionnaires.

323
00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:25,278
She's a riot.

324
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:30,283
Hey.
I picked us up a couple snacks.

325
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:31,451
Which do you prefer --

326
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:35,322
Squiddies, a snack found
in most Asian households,

327
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,623
or Snickers?

328
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:39,126
Snickers all day.

329
00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:41,361
Which one of these books
seems more interesting?

330
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,296
"The Tao of Gung Fu"
by Bruce Lee

331
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:46,133
or "The Secret Power Within"
by Chuck Norris?

332
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:47,100
Chuck Norris.

333
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,870
He's great in that movie
"Sidekicks."

334
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,272
Oh, no.
My shoe's untied.

335
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:53,640
Who will help me?

336
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:57,544
Oh, no. My shoe is also untied,
and I, too, need help.

337
00:12:57,644 --> 00:13:00,013
**

338
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,649
Oh, it's okay.
Let me help you.

339
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:06,286
Knew those fools
were just jealous.

340
00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:09,857
Ah!
He's fine.

341
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,324
We've helped enough children
for one day.

342
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:12,792
Shall we chill?

343
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:17,330
Okay, let's review
your questionnaire responses.

344
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,166
Question number one --

345
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:22,169
How do you know
when to feed your baby?

346
00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:23,136
Hmm?

347
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:24,905
Beth C. wrote --
W

348
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:27,040
Right here.
I'm Beth C.

349
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:32,212
Welcome.
Beth C. wrote, "It depends."

350
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,413
It does.
Right?

351
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:37,050
It depends on what your baby
is telling you,

352
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,052
because the best
feeding schedule

353
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,989
is the one your baby designs.

354
00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:43,490
Write that down.

355
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:44,591
Question number two --

356
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:48,395
When is it appropriate
to hug your child?

357
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:52,065
Cynthia McCormick wrote...
"Christmas Eve"?

358
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,734
Affection
is a powerful motivator.

359
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:55,903
If you hug them
all the time,

360
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:58,438
they won't know
when you really mean it.

361
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:00,673
Okay, you know what?

362
00:14:00,773 --> 00:14:02,742
Why don't we switch gears, huh?

363
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,078
Let's get
into swaddling techniques.

364
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,413
Now, unfortunately,

365
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:09,016
my little cat
did get into the storage room

366
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:10,417
and peed on all the baby dolls,

367
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:14,554
so step right over here,
grab a cloth and a melon.

368
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:15,455
Come on.

369
00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:20,593
Hey, hey.
So, what do you think?

370
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:21,794
Well, it's nice to know

371
00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:24,264
that if we forget anything,
the baby will tell us.

372
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,598
Ugh!
This is so dumb!

373
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,200
I thought you were
just playing along.

374
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,701
I'm just trying
to be supportive.

375
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:30,370
Well, the best way
to be supportive

376
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:31,972
is to be honest
with Honey.

377
00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:34,707
She's never been a mom.
She doesn't know.

378
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:37,544
Oh, I think
I'm doing it wrong.

379
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:40,047
Everybody else's melon
looks happy.

380
00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:41,915
Right.

381
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:43,216
She's vulnerable,

382
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,885
overwhelmed
by pregnancy hormones.

383
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,254
And Beth C.
is not helping,

384
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:48,755
just nodding along
with everything.

385
00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:52,592
T-This all makes sense.
Yeah.

386
00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:56,463
We need to pull Honey aside
and tell her this is nonsense.

387
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,231
It's for her own good.

388
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,100
We have experience.
She doesn't.

389
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:02,269
Okay.

390
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:04,972
It doesn't have legs,
so...

391
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,675
JESSICA: Honey, we have
to be honest with you --

392
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:10,677
This class is garbage.

393
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:13,846
We both think it's a waste
of time and money.

394
00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:14,914
Not me.

395
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:16,783
I don't know
what you're talking about.

396
00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:19,486
If this is what Honey wants,
I support her.

397
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:24,791
I don't know what you're talking
about. That's not what I said.

398
00:15:24,891 --> 00:15:27,694
You said we were gonna
be honest with Honey.

399
00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:29,963
I was being honest
with her.

400
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:32,966
I think that Page woman
has some great ideas,

401
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:35,168
and that's what I told you.
That's not what you said.

402
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,369
I've only been honest
with you

403
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:38,338
about how I feel,
even when we disagree.

404
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,007
You're the one
that was in there

405
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:42,209
pretending to like
all that stuff.

406
00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:43,643
HONEY: Look,
Jessica may be a lot of things,

407
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:46,179
but she is not a liar.
Truth!

408
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,847
She's here because
I asked her to be here.

409
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,516
You're here because the idea

410
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,685
of me raising a baby without
your input drives you nuts.

411
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:56,023
It drives me nuts
because your ideas are crazy.

412
00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:58,558
I don't understand what daughter
doesn't want her mother's help.

413
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:00,360
I would love your help,

414
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,030
but you're not trying to help,
you're trying to control.

415
00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:04,531
Well,
you need to be controlled.

416
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:07,300
Look at the garbage
you're buying into.
Aha!

417
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,469
Look, I told you she thought
this was garbage, Honey.

418
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:12,039
Anybody else's mother thinks
this class is garbage,

419
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:13,806
speak up now.

420
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:15,508
Huh

421
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:16,509
Hey, you know what?

422
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:18,311
I've had enough of this.
I'm out of here.

423
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:21,681
Oh, well, that's real mature,
young lady.

424
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:23,083
I guess
your best friend and I

425
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:24,984
will just find
our own way home.

426
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:27,987
Maybe your child sage
has a bus schedule.

427
00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:30,357
I'm gonna get a taxi.
Yes, good.

428
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:31,724
We should go after her.
Wha--

429
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,893
I'm not going after her.
I'm going to the airport.

430
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,228
You're just gonna leave?

431
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,829
So what?
Honey left.

432
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:38,098
But you're her mother.

433
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:39,432
This is what she does.

434
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,901
She runs away
and wants me to follow her.

435
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,071
She lives
for this kind of drama.

436
00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:45,572
She'll be fine.
Trust me.

437
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:49,376
**

438
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:51,611
Yeah, I don't know why libraries
don't charge to make copies.

439
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:55,382
So many cheeks have been
on that glass -- face and butt.

440
00:16:56,949 --> 00:17:00,053
Wow, your ex-boo really changed
his look over the years --

441
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:01,621
went back and forth
on the bangs.

442
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:03,856
No, those are
three different guys.

443
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:05,792
**

444
00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:07,560
What?

445
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,362
My friends are right.

446
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:11,398
You do have a thing
for Asian dudes.

447
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:12,765
What are you talking about?

448
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,802
All your exes and guitar heroes
have been Asian.

449
00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:18,438
I-I never really
thought about it,

450
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,407
but, yeah,
I guess they have.

451
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:23,143
So?
Don't you think that's weird?

452
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:24,411
No.
Why would that be weird?

453
00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:25,878
Do you think it's weird

454
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:27,114
that all the girls you've liked
have been white?

455
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:28,715
But that's different.

456
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:31,618
See, that's not a preference,
that's just what's around.

457
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,920
I first talked to you because
I saw your "X-Files" shirt.

458
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:35,155
I love that show.

459
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,923
I thought it was gonna be
about Malcolm X,

460
00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:39,892
but it turned out to be a great
romantic sci-fi mystery.

461
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:41,394
And then we started
hanging out,

462
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,430
and I thought you were cool
and funny and cute.

463
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:44,997
Okay.
That makes sense.

464
00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:47,400
So should we start chilling,
or --

465
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,968
But I was obviously wrong.

466
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,937
So you don't have to worry
about who I like anymore,

467
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:52,139
'cause it ain't you.

468
00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:54,907
Happy?
That make you feel good?

469
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,909
No.
I feel bad.

470
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:57,944
Please leave.

471
00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:02,815
Mm.

472
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,518
I'm back to even.

473
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,487
There are sun beds
down in the lower deck.

474
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,322
I fell asleep.

475
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:14,594
I'll pay for it in moles later,
but it was worth it.

476
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,296
Hmm. Ohh.

477
00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:18,365
Mr. Huang, you have a phone call
from your wife.

478
00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:20,267
What's wrong?
What happened?

479
00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:22,135
Honey's mother
is a piece of work.

480
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:23,636
What?

481
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:26,105
They got into an argument,
and she just left town.

482
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,841
I mean, I've threatened to leave
the kids many times --

483
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,178
at the orphanage, at
the fire station, at the mall --

484
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:32,679
but I've never
actually done it.

485
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,182
Except for that time you left
them at the ice cream store.

486
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:37,116
We agreed to call that
an accident.

487
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,287
I know I need to go find Honey
and talk to her,

488
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:41,954
but I don't know
what to say.

489
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:43,856
I feel the same way
her mom does

490
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,325
about a lot
of this baby stuff,

491
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:46,859
but Honey
wouldn't listen to her.

492
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,229
Sounds like she just needs
your support as a friend.

493
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:52,064
Her mom left.
You would never abandon her.

494
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:54,167
No, I wouldn't.

495
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:56,336
Not even by accident.

496
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:57,804
I have to go.

497
00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:01,674
Bring me back a giant seashell
I can blow to summon the kids.

498
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:06,078
Your phone charges, sir.

499
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:12,552
I can't eat
any more oysters.

500
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,993
Hey.

501
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,229
How did you know
I was here?

502
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:26,899
When you're upset, you crave
high-sodium meats on meat.

503
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,737
My mom already left,
didn't she?

504
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:33,840
It's crazy.

505
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:36,443
We have never been close,
but for whatever reason,

506
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:38,711
I just hoped it would
be different this time.

507
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:40,680
I'm sorry that happened.

508
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:43,550
Hey, I get it.

509
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:44,884
When I first got pregnant,

510
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:48,421
not only was my mom not here,
but I was new to this country.

511
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,457
I didn't know
how anything worked.

512
00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:53,059
I didn't have any friends
who were moms.

513
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:55,895
I had to figure it out
on my own.

514
00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:58,030
That must have been
so scary.

515
00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:00,400
Not as scary
as your nursery will be

516
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:01,634
after we paint it red,

517
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:04,571
which I will help you do

518
00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:06,239
because I support you.

519
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:07,707
Thank you.

520
00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:08,708
Just to throw it out there,

521
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:12,078
yellow is also
a sexless baby color,

522
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:16,449
But it's like a sunflower
instead of the fires of Hell.

523
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,718
Just to throw it
out there.

524
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:21,421
But whatever you want.
Let's do yellow.

525
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,493
So, the bite on your arm
just went away?

526
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:28,328
Yeah, I woke up,
and it was gone.

527
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,997
Maybe I absorbed the dragonfly
babies into my blood.

528
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:34,233
Dave, please.
I'm halfway through
a clementine.

529
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:35,602
Great job, idiots.

530
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:40,006
Turns out Karen just
liked me for me -- or used to.

531
00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:41,908
Now I have no prospects
on the horizon,

532
00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:43,643
and one more person knows
about our secret bathroom.

533
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:46,979
So I hope you like seeing girls'
Keds under the stall doors,

534
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,348
because that's what's happening.

535
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:51,518
You know what?
I'm fine with it.

536
00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:55,755
**

537
00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:57,156
What are you doing back?

538
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:58,525
The cruise lasts
till next week.

539
00:20:58,625 --> 00:20:59,692
Great news!

540
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:02,295
Oh, your zinc intake
is dangerous, Lou.

541
00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:04,997
That's a lot of bivalves
for one man.

542
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,266
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain speaking.

543
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:08,668
Ahoy!

544
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,470
We regret to inform you
that a female passenger

545
00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:11,804
has fallen overboard.

546
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:13,973
We need a complete head count
at this time.

547
00:21:14,073 --> 00:21:16,476
Please return to your cabins
immediately.

548
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:20,347
We will be returning to port
and giving everyone a refund.

549
00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:21,614
Someone fell off the ship.

550
00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:23,650
I got a full refund.
Didn't spend a dime.

551
00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:24,784
And my seashell?

552
00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:26,553
**

553
00:21:29,456 --> 00:21:32,492
-- Captions by VITA --