1 00:00:03,571 --> 00:00:06,707 [ Soda cans open ] 2 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,842 [ Sighs ] Oh, no. Is that what I think it is? 3 00:00:08,876 --> 00:00:11,011 Eddie's making his "Soda Suicide" again... 4 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:13,381 * Yeah ...a sugar-coma-inducing blend 5 00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:16,950 of Dr. Pepper, Squirt, Fanta, Mountain Dew, 6 00:00:16,984 --> 00:00:19,653 and a cherry Jolly Rancher. 7 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:22,290 And like always, he's gonna stumble into the living room 8 00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:24,325 like a drunk uncle at a wedding... 9 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,160 Plop down on the couch too hard, 10 00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:27,695 spilling all over the place. 11 00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:29,497 Not this time. 12 00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:32,133 ** 13 00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:34,102 You... 14 00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:36,137 didn't... spill on the couch? 15 00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:39,840 Nope. As I was about to sit, I was like... 16 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,143 "What if I put my cup down on the table first?" 17 00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:45,113 Seems so obvious, but, hey, live and learn. 18 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:47,148 He's even using a coaster. 19 00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:48,349 [ Slurps ] 20 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,118 Ahh. Still got the skills. 21 00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,385 I haven't made one of these 22 00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:53,321 since Alison and I started dating. 23 00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:56,657 [ Scoffs ] She hated them. 24 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,859 Are you telling me you think you can make a soda taste better 25 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,027 than the professionals? 26 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,762 Than the flavor engineers at Mountain Dew? 27 00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,231 Than Dr. Melvin Pepper? 28 00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:04,932 He's a damn doctor! 29 00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:06,500 Now that she broke up with me, 30 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:08,602 I'm focused on forgetting about her 31 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:10,504 and just being the best me I can. 32 00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:13,241 Very mature, son. I'm proud of you. 33 00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:14,842 Hey, hey, hey. 34 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,077 I'm proud of us. 35 00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:19,613 Do you see what's happening here? 36 00:01:19,647 --> 00:01:22,183 The last of our three children has grown up. 37 00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,485 We're finally out of "kid jail." 38 00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:30,291 We can have nice things again. 39 00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:32,360 [ Chuckles ] Look at her, Louis. 40 00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:36,063 As beautiful as the day we first put her in storage in 1982. 41 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,631 I'll never forget that day. 42 00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:40,067 Your water broke, and I said, "Let's go to the hospital," 43 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,336 and you said, "After we make one stop." 44 00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:44,104 My labor pains were so intense. 45 00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:46,240 But after three hours of pushing, 46 00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:47,541 we finally figured out a way 47 00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:49,443 to wedge this couch into the storage unit. 48 00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:50,878 ** 49 00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:54,047 Welcome home, sweetheart. 50 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,550 -- Captions by VITAC -- 51 00:01:56,584 --> 00:01:57,751 * Fresh off the boat 52 00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,620 * I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go * 53 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,755 * If you don't know, homey, now you know * 54 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,157 * Fresh off the boat 55 00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:05,359 * Homey, you don't know where I come from * 56 00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:06,927 * But I know where I'm goin' 57 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,663 * I'm fresh off the boat 58 00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:11,699 No way. Yes way. 59 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:12,633 The last time we drank 60 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:13,501 during the day 61 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:14,202 was 15 years ago 62 00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:14,935 at the racetrack. 63 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,304 You called the cashier a racist 64 00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:17,438 because a horse was named 65 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,472 "Chinese Chicken Salad." 66 00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:20,040 I remember that now! 67 00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,176 Wow. We had fun, Louis. 68 00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:24,578 Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. 69 00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:25,813 Well, with Eddie maturing, 70 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:26,980 we can go back to having fun. 71 00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:28,649 Orlando is the 37th best city 72 00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:29,750 in America for a reason. 73 00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:31,118 Let's start enjoying it. 74 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,586 Okay. What should we do first? 75 00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:34,322 Why don't we see 76 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:35,889 what Honey and Marvin are up to tonight? 77 00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:38,158 Let's dial up those fools and see what's up. 78 00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:40,628 Hey, nice use of slang. 79 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:41,929 Did it sound dumb? 80 00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,265 I've only had half a beer, but the voice in my head 81 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,434 that criticizes me constantly has gone quiet. 82 00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:47,901 And you realize we don't need 83 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,470 to have quick dinners anymore, right? 84 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,206 We don't need to be afraid of leaving Eddie unsupervised. 85 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,107 We can finally do more than just dinner. 86 00:02:54,141 --> 00:02:55,743 We can do "dinner and...". 87 00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:57,010 Dinner and dancing, 88 00:02:57,044 --> 00:02:58,479 dinner and a movie... 89 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,681 dinner and drinks at a jazz club! 90 00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:01,982 Better idea -- 91 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,184 we can invite Honey and Marvin to dinner and... 92 00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:07,154 ...karaoke. 93 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,856 Get them on the phone immediately. 94 00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,791 Ahh! I can't wait to sing some Mariah. 95 00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:11,825 She's the only woman 96 00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:12,793 who can match my range. 97 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,628 Hmm. 98 00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:18,899 ** 99 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:19,800 How did that 100 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:20,768 out-of-control sprinkler 101 00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:22,002 only hit me and not you? 102 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:22,970 I don't know, bro, 103 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,204 but it's your bad luck year, 104 00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:26,540 so keep your nasty juju away from me. 105 00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,476 I'm gonna go throw my clothes in the dryer. 106 00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:33,347 Oh, come on! 107 00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:37,718 ** 108 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,587 What the hell? 109 00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,322 Alison, what are you doing here? 110 00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:43,223 Why wouldn't she be here? We're friends. 111 00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:44,825 Since when are you friends? 112 00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:45,893 Eddie, you know 113 00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:46,994 how you're always late for everything? 114 00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:48,262 No. 115 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:50,864 [ Sighs ] 116 00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:53,534 Well, over the years, when Alison came by our house 117 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,336 and had to wait for you to arrive, 118 00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:57,505 she and I struck up a great friendship. 119 00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:58,406 A great friendship? 120 00:03:58,439 --> 00:03:59,206 What do you guys 121 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,007 even talk about? 122 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,241 We talk about Pogs, 123 00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:02,209 Tamagotchis... 124 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:02,876 Volleyball, 125 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,144 Leno vs. Letterman. 126 00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,514 And, you know, life in general. 127 00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:08,181 What does anyone talk about with their friends? 128 00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:10,651 Sorry, Eddie, but Evan and I agreed a long time ago 129 00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,185 that if our relationship ever ended, 130 00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:13,754 me and him would stay friends. 131 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,255 Two crossed arrows 132 00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:16,890 is the universal symbol for friendship. 133 00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,058 Friends forever. 134 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,361 Friends forever. 135 00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:21,495 Your necklaces look cheap. 136 00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:23,263 ** 137 00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,999 He's not worth it. You're right. 138 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,735 I'm gonna go see if our dino nuggets are ready. 139 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:31,104 When I return, I hope you're not here. 140 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:35,343 Why you doing me like this, girl? 141 00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:35,909 I'm sorry. 142 00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,044 I was laying it on thick 143 00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:37,845 for Evan's sake. 144 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:38,712 He's sensitive -- 145 00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,348 classic Leno fan -- 146 00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,383 but, really, I-I'm uncomfortable being here. 147 00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,084 I don't want to make things harder between us 148 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,886 than they already are. Then why are you? 149 00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,055 Because I can't just abandon my friendship with Evan. 150 00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:49,289 You and I splitting up -- 151 00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:51,191 it's like he's a child of divorce. 152 00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:52,259 What do you know about divorce? 153 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,428 My parents are divorced. They are? 154 00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:56,063 I talked to you about it all the time! 155 00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:57,297 Well, you say a lot of things! 156 00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,732 Let's just drop it. 157 00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:00,368 Obviously, we need some space from each other. 158 00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:02,536 Well, that means you and Evan can't be friends. 159 00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:04,438 Yeah, I-I know. 160 00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:06,239 Let's have a talk with him tomorrow. 161 00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:08,275 So, if your parents are divorced... 162 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,310 do you get, like, twice as many presents at Christmas? 163 00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:14,314 [ Smacks lips ] We're Jewish. 164 00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:16,584 Huh. 165 00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:19,086 ** 166 00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,422 I'm so happy Honey and Marvin 167 00:05:21,455 --> 00:05:22,990 could come to dinner tonight. 168 00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:25,826 I already pre-paid for our private karaoke room, 169 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,628 so we are all set. Thank you for splurging 170 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,262 on the four-microphone package. 171 00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:31,264 It's important we do "Lady Marmalade" properly. 172 00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:32,466 [ Laughs ] I can't wait! 173 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,868 -Hey! -Oh, hi! 174 00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:37,805 Oh, it's so good to see you. -Hello, hello. 175 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,172 Oh, I'm sorry we're late. 176 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:41,008 Marvin was stuck at work finishing a dental cleaning... 177 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,811 Uh-huh. ...for a celebrity. 178 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,312 [ Gasps ] Was it Denzel? 179 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:48,148 [ Chuckles ] No. But I will tell you... 180 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,618 she was a joy to work with. 181 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,622 It was Joy Behar! 182 00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:56,557 Whoa! Oh, amazing! 183 00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:57,991 Who is that? [ Mutters ] 184 00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,159 Server: Hi. Welcome to Chez Dennis. 185 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,928 Can I get you all a drink to start? 186 00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,295 I'll have a glass of red wine. 187 00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:03,464 Pinot gris, please. 188 00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:04,832 [ Chuckles ] What do you say, Marv, 189 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,734 a couple Negronis to warm up our engines? 190 00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:07,968 [ Both laugh ] 191 00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:09,302 I-I'll just have some water. 192 00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:11,905 [ Laughs ] Hilarious joke, Marvin. 193 00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:14,374 Come on. I've already taken a dangerous amount of Pepcid AC 194 00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:15,776 to combat the Asian Flush. 195 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,144 Let's go big tonight! 196 00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,513 Uh...actually, I can't drink because 197 00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:20,814 [Inhales deeply] well... 198 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:23,383 I'm having some surgery tomorrow. 199 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:26,086 Oh, my God. What for? 200 00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:29,156 I'm having my vasectomy reversed! 201 00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:30,724 We want to have kids! 202 00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:32,092 [ Both laugh ] 203 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,231 Okay, one last time, I promise. 204 00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:40,701 Are you sure you want to have kids? 205 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,736 Because nobody wants to have kids. 206 00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,572 They're just a thing that happens to you 207 00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:47,140 and then you carry that burden with you until you die. 208 00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,976 My only burden will be keeping my fingers 209 00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,711 from pinching baby legs. 210 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,046 Where's your leg? Give me your leg. 211 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,515 You nervous about the surgery? 212 00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,249 A reverse vasectomy sounds intense. 213 00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:57,585 No, no, no. 214 00:06:57,618 --> 00:06:59,419 Uh, it's a simple outpatient procedure. 215 00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:01,489 They -- They just go down south, 216 00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:04,525 do a little snip-snip, loosen up my tubes, 217 00:07:04,558 --> 00:07:06,694 and then they take a capillary out of my neck, 218 00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:09,196 they take that capillary, fuse it to my tubes, 219 00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:10,998 probably with some kind of a heat gun, 220 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,265 throw some stitches on it, 221 00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:14,535 and -- boom -- Marvin's shooting bullets. 222 00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:17,404 [ Chuckles ] Uh-huh. [ Voice cracks ] Sounds simple. 223 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,573 Louis and I just got sprung from kid jail, 224 00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,041 because Eddie finally matured, 225 00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:24,277 and it is the best thing that has ever happened to us. 226 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:27,180 Why make your life harder... with a baby? 227 00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:28,916 I don't know. I think it'll be fun. 228 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,718 I can get it a hat. 229 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:32,586 Oh, my God. And the jeans. 230 00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:33,754 For its fat legs. 231 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:34,955 -Uh, Honey? -Hmm? 232 00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:36,724 I think it's time for us to hit the ol' road. 233 00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:39,459 Already? But we were gonna do dinner and karaoke. 234 00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,462 I know, but Marvin needs to rest up for his procedure, 235 00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:45,833 and I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, 236 00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,068 just to make sure things are good on my end. [ Laughs ] 237 00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:50,270 I mean, they are, for sure. 238 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,905 I don't want to get into details, 239 00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:54,074 but just know that I've never had a problem getting pregnant. 240 00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:55,609 -All right. -Bye-bye. 241 00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:56,610 Bye, guys. 242 00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:58,111 ** 243 00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,280 You know what? We don't need them. 244 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,481 We can still go out and have fun. 245 00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:03,416 I did pre-pay. 246 00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:05,686 [ "Opposites Attract" plays ] 247 00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:07,821 * I take two steps forward * 248 00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:10,190 * I take two steps back * 249 00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:14,795 * We come together, 'cause opposites attract * 250 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,597 [ Both sigh ] 251 00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:17,965 That was a disgrace to Paula Abdul 252 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,466 and all that she stands for. 253 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,169 [ Sighs ] 254 00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:24,371 This just isn't as fun without Honey and Marvin. 255 00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,439 I can't believe the moment we get out of kid jail, 256 00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:28,241 our best friends decide to go in. 257 00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:30,077 I was honest with Honey about how hard it is, 258 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,879 but she wouldn't even hear it. 259 00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:34,014 She's lost in baby fever. 260 00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,149 She is always quick to dive into whatever's new. 261 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,786 Remember when she made Marvin grow sideburns like Luke Perry? 262 00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:40,420 Besides, at Marvin's age, 263 00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:42,656 their baby's gonna come out 4 years old. 264 00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:44,758 Meanwhile, I'm not even sure he's into the idea of having a baby. 265 00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:46,827 Is there baby corn in this salad? 266 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:47,995 Because if there is, I don't want it. 267 00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:51,565 He asked for no baby corn. 268 00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:54,501 Oh, he's definitely not ready for this! 269 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,337 You can send back baby corn. You can't send back baby. 270 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,972 I understand Honey wanting to rush in, 271 00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,173 but Marvin's done it before. 272 00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,308 He should know better. 273 00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,443 You know, if he's even a little bit unsure, 274 00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:04,712 we should talk to him. 275 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,546 Absolutely. 276 00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:07,848 But first, let's sing some Michael? 277 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,482 Jackson? McDonald. 278 00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:10,450 Stipe? 279 00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:11,484 Ooh. 280 00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:14,521 ** 281 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,390 We sit before the truest test of the puzzle master -- 282 00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:20,327 the 1,000-piece puzzle of a bowl of plums. 283 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,896 Every piece is just purple. 284 00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,798 Yes. 285 00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:26,166 Where's Eddie? 286 00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:27,801 He should've been here 45 minutes ago. 287 00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:29,837 Eddie's late?! I'm stunned! 288 00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:31,538 I know, right? 289 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:34,808 But we actually have something serious to talk to you about, 290 00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:37,310 but I guess since he's late, I'll just tell you. 291 00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:38,545 What is it? 292 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,980 Your brother and I... 293 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:44,652 well, we both care about you very much, and... 294 00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:49,422 ** 295 00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:50,924 ...we're getting back together! 296 00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:53,026 [ Door opens ] Shut the front door and give me a hug! 297 00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:54,561 [ Door closes ] 298 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,696 Sorry I'm late. 299 00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:56,664 I saw a red-tailed fox on the way home, 300 00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:57,898 so I chased it. 301 00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,733 I heard the great news! 302 00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:02,836 I've been hiding some Nilla Wafers for when I finish the puzzle, 303 00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:04,705 but what the hay, let's celebrate! 304 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:06,073 ** 305 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,540 What great news? 306 00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:09,276 I kinda sorta told him we're getting back together. 307 00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:11,712 What? You were late, and I panicked! 308 00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:13,413 [ Sighs ] Can you tell him we can't be friends? 309 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,547 No way, ex-boo. 310 00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:16,383 You're the one who broke up with me. 311 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,686 This was your choice. You've got to be the bad guy. 312 00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:20,453 [ Sighs ] Fine. 313 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:21,689 I brought the whole box 314 00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:23,456 in case we want to turn this into a party. 315 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,728 Evan, there's something else I have to tell you. 316 00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:30,563 Eddie and I were talking, and we think it's best if... 317 00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:33,100 ** 318 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:36,103 ...we take you on a pony ride! 319 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,005 [ High-pitched scream ] 320 00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:41,875 [ Screaming continues ] 321 00:10:41,909 --> 00:10:43,443 Grandma! Emery! 322 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,745 Aah! 323 00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,814 My bad luck strikes again. 324 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,281 I can't be around anyone pouring liquids. 325 00:10:57,524 --> 00:10:58,391 Really? 326 00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,432 I thought that was Jesus. 327 00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:14,908 Whoa-ho-ho! What brings you two over? 328 00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:16,309 I was just on my way to the hospital. 329 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:17,377 In a full suit? 330 00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:18,846 Well, I got to show those docs 331 00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,814 that they're operating on classy merchandise. 332 00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,315 Well, we just came by 333 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,317 to see if you needed a ride to the procedure. 334 00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:25,685 Since Honey has her appointment, 335 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,054 we figured we could lend a hand. 336 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,489 There's no need. I'm gonna drive myself. 337 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,690 We could stop for ice cream on the way. 338 00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:31,624 Shotgun! 339 00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:35,996 ** 340 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,331 The pony's name is Charlie! 341 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,466 Very good! 342 00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,002 Sorry I'm late. 343 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,670 How are you late? We came here together. 344 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,138 I saw some baby ducks 345 00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,673 and had to scope out if there was a pond here. 346 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,008 There wasn't. 347 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,176 I think those ducks are in trouble. 348 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,145 Isn't his mane beautiful? 349 00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:54,047 Hey, buddy! Sure is! 350 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:55,749 By the way, how'd you find this place? 351 00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:58,485 Um...I know about it because we came here on our second date. 352 00:11:58,518 --> 00:11:59,686 Whaaat? 353 00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:03,690 Wait. 354 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,725 You keep a picture of us in your purse? 355 00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:07,394 I thought you stopped liking me. 356 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:08,528 We're broken up, 357 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,197 but I'm not trying to forget you. 358 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,165 It's not like our time together meant nothing to me. 359 00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:14,067 I know it's my fault we're here. 360 00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:16,103 I'll tell Evan the truth as soon as we get back home. 361 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:18,171 His diet is mostly carrots! 362 00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:20,808 You don't say! Great job! 363 00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,344 ** 364 00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,246 So, this is how you want to spend our time together? 365 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,048 Rearranging shelves? 366 00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,054 [ Shatters ] [ Gasps ] 367 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:37,825 [ Sighs ] I'm so sorry. 368 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,226 My stupid bad luck. 369 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,237 [ Mug shatters ] 370 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,709 What, the ice cream place is in the park? 371 00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:59,412 Yes. It's a truck. It's very trendy. 372 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,447 [ Chuckling ] Oh. 373 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,650 ** 374 00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:05,185 [ Snoring ] 375 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:09,122 Wow. There are a lot of homeless people around here. 376 00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:11,892 Oh, those aren't homeless people. 377 00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,927 They're new parents. 378 00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,963 Is it time to pump again? 379 00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:17,464 Girl: Mommy! 380 00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:19,099 Mommy!! [ Gasps ] 381 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:23,303 [ Cries ] 382 00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:25,138 [ Laughs ] Why? 383 00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,575 Well, what happened to all of them? 384 00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:31,111 Well, they're exhausted from taking care of kids. 385 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,013 Feeding them, changing their diapers. 386 00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,647 You remember what that's like, right? 387 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,216 Right. Right. 388 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:37,117 You don't know what I'm talking about, 389 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,418 do you? I don't! 390 00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:40,153 No, I never experienced any of this with Nicole. 391 00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,321 Her mother did all the heavy lifting. 392 00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:42,655 I just went to work, I came home, 393 00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,624 watched Carson's monologue, then went to sleep. 394 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,027 Well, that's not gonna fly with Honey. 395 00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,896 Oh, that's true. Yeah. 396 00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:51,331 Honey's part of that new, uh, Generation X 397 00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:52,799 I read about in Newsweek. 398 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,134 They're progressive. 399 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:57,270 Well, taking care of a baby today is hard work. 400 00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:59,139 We just want you to be aware of what you're getting into. 401 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,807 [ Weakly ] Yeah. 402 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,475 [ Quietly ] Baby corn. 403 00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:06,880 ** 404 00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,415 Jessica: Well, here we are. 405 00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,450 Mm-hmm. You sure you're up for this? 406 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:11,518 Yep. 407 00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:13,620 Already shaved my neck. [ Chuckles ] 408 00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:16,023 [ Van door opens ] 409 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,560 [ Sighs ] 410 00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:22,795 Well, I guess we were wrong. He really does want this. 411 00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:23,997 I guess he does. 412 00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:29,769 ** 413 00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:30,637 [ Gasps ] 414 00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:34,908 ** 415 00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:37,177 I thought he was going in the hospital, and then he just turned! 416 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,711 I did not see that coming! 417 00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:43,650 Thank you. Bye. 418 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,018 Amazing news! 419 00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:47,020 Not only did I book us the karaoke room 420 00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:48,188 that has the best acoustics, 421 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,223 I also got us the four-mic package. 422 00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:51,191 They didn't think it was available, 423 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,492 but then they checked, and it was. 424 00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,161 I feel really good about this. 425 00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,762 If Marvin wasn't sure about having kids, 426 00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:57,164 why rush into it? 427 00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:59,399 There's plenty of time. He's barely 70. 428 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,068 They're lucky to have us looking out for them. 429 00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:03,536 [ Knock on door ] 430 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,838 So I get home from my gyno checkup, 431 00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:07,674 which was a huge success. 432 00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:10,443 She compared my uterus to the fertile shores of Oahu, and... 433 00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,881 I'm keeping it. 434 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:18,518 I'm keeping my vasectomy. 435 00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,887 He said he changed his mind, and he doesn't want a baby. 436 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,022 Right now he doesn't, 437 00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:23,423 but maybe in the future, he will. 438 00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,025 In the meantime, 439 00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:26,859 let's all just have fun. 440 00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:29,296 Fun sounds fun. [ Chuckles ] 441 00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:31,598 ** 442 00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,566 I'll have to cross-reference my diary, 443 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,635 but I think this is the best day of my life. 444 00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:38,905 [ Both sigh ] 445 00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,809 So, I know we've been having a lot of fun today, 446 00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:44,978 but we need to talk about something serious. 447 00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:47,447 Look, your brother and I -- 448 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,649 What I'm trying to say is... 449 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:50,850 Gosh, this is so hard. 450 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:52,752 Alison and I aren't back together, Evan. 451 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,421 We're still broken up. [ Gasps ] 452 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,922 I know she lied and said we're back together, 453 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,224 but it's not her fault. 454 00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:58,491 It's mine. 455 00:15:58,525 --> 00:15:59,692 This all happened because 456 00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:01,761 I didn't want you two to be friends. 457 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:04,331 I was trying to forget about her after our breakup 458 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:06,799 and when I saw her in the house, I freaked. 459 00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,468 But I realized that... 460 00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:09,802 I don't want to forget about her. 461 00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,371 We had some great times. 462 00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,406 So, I want you and her to be friends. 463 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,708 And hopefully, she and I can be friends, too. 464 00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,144 Yeah. 465 00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,945 I think we're gonna be friends, for sure. 466 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,348 That's sweet. 467 00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:22,649 Here's what I think of your lies. 468 00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,821 Look what you did. 469 00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:30,423 When was the last time he blinked? 470 00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:34,394 * Don't go breaking my heart * 471 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,263 * Don't go breaking my 472 00:16:36,296 --> 00:16:38,998 * I won't go breaking your heart * 473 00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:41,768 [ Chuckles ] 474 00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:45,405 This next song is dedicated to my uterus. 475 00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:48,641 * All that she wants is one baby * 476 00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,177 * She's gone tomorrow, boy 477 00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:52,612 * All that she wants is 478 00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:55,348 * One baby-a-yay-yay My body, my choice! 479 00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:58,818 * All that she wants is one baby * 480 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,620 * She's gone tomor-- Wh-- Sh-- 481 00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:03,690 * What you want 482 00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:05,458 * Baby, I got it 483 00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:07,660 * What you need 484 00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,462 * You know I got it 485 00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:12,632 What the hell is happening to you? * All that I am askin' for 486 00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:14,301 * Is just a little respect when you get home * 487 00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:16,336 Are they karaoke fighting? 488 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,970 I don't know, but I wish you would sing 489 00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:19,706 with this much passion. * Just a little bit 490 00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,374 * Just a -- * [ Music stops ] 491 00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,143 You don't get respect by changing your mind 492 00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,677 last minute about having a baby! 493 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,646 It's 1997. 494 00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:28,615 You can't tell a man what to do with his body! 495 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:29,682 I had doubts. 496 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,118 And -- A-And Louis and Jessica 497 00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,353 helped me confirm my doubts. They what? 498 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,987 Oh, we just wanted to remind Marvin 499 00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:36,623 what having a baby was really like. 500 00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:39,126 It's a big decision -- one that all four of us 501 00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:40,993 need to be 100% on board for. 502 00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:43,196 I can't believe this. 503 00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:47,500 [ Sighs ] [ "Funkytown" plays ] 504 00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:48,701 Oh, sorry. 505 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,637 I had this queued up like 10 minutes ago. 506 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:56,709 * Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me * 507 00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:59,412 ** 508 00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:04,851 Mahjong! This is gonna be so much fun. 509 00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:06,786 Throw the tiles around... 510 00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:09,456 [ Gasps, laughs ] 511 00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:24,671 I am plotzing. These tiles are caliente! 512 00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,005 [ Laughs ] 513 00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:27,740 We're gonna take her down together. 514 00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,876 We're an unstoppable team. 515 00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:31,311 [ Laughs ] 516 00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:41,921 ** 517 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,390 Did you have me stand back there 518 00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:45,124 so you could use my bad luck to make Cheryl lose? 519 00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:53,132 I am? 520 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,913 We can make a real dent. Who's next? 521 00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:08,581 ** 522 00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:15,588 Pass the Normandy butter? 523 00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:17,757 Go to hell. 524 00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,125 Sorry to interrupt your dinner. 525 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,593 How did you get in here? 526 00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:22,495 We're not here to discuss your lack of home security. 527 00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:23,963 We're here to apologize. 528 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,265 [ Scoffs ] 529 00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:26,833 I'm not interested in your apology. 530 00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:29,502 I know it was selfish, but we didn't want to see 531 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,238 our best friends go into kid jail 532 00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:32,605 just as we were getting out of it. 533 00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:35,107 If you want to have a baby, we support you. 534 00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:36,676 You'll be great parents. 535 00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:38,778 Sorry! Shop's closed. 536 00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:40,580 I have Nicole -- one and done. 537 00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,215 I know, and Nicole's amazing. 538 00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:43,783 But just think of how incredible 539 00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:45,151 it would be to have a baby with Honey. 540 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:50,490 Pumpkin... I know you're mad at me, 541 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:54,126 but I'm just nervous about my life changing. 542 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,596 I know you'd be a great mom, 543 00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:59,399 but I'm just not sure if I'm ready to be a father again. 544 00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,435 I'm nervous, too. 545 00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:05,305 I never thought I wanted kids, like, ever. 546 00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:06,706 [ Both chuckle ] 547 00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:09,709 But then I met you, and that changed. Hmm. 548 00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:12,144 Look, you may not be sure you're ready, 549 00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:14,281 but together, we're ready. 550 00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:16,416 I think we are, too. 551 00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:19,352 So, let's untie these tubes and make a baby! 552 00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:20,487 Ahh! 553 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,689 [ Both laugh ] 554 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,891 I say this with love, but please, 555 00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,026 never interfere in our lives again. 556 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:30,229 I say this with love -- no promises. 557 00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:31,698 So, I'm just gonna get right into it. 558 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:34,367 Can I go to the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival next weekend? 559 00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:35,968 It's a woman's-only event celebrating the crossroads 560 00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:37,504 between music and femininity. 561 00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:38,738 Tori Amos is playing 562 00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:40,540 the Nair Hair Removal stage Saturday night. 563 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,475 Dad, you like her, you saw her on TV and said, 564 00:20:42,509 --> 00:20:43,910 "Who's the mermaid on the keys?" 565 00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,378 And I said, "That's Tori Amos." 566 00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:47,380 I should have said, "She's playing at the Womyn's Festival" 567 00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:48,915 and asked you about it then, but I didn't. 568 00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:50,249 So here we are. 569 00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:51,418 Anyway, it's all on the flier, 570 00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:52,719 which I'm gonna leave here for you to read. 571 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:55,922 It's, uh... 572 00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:57,290 [ Door closes ] 573 00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:04,397 ** 574 00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:05,698 Two days. 575 00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:07,867 We paid for 15 years of storage, 576 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,936 and the couch lasted two days. 577 00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,838 Do you want me to find out which one of them did it? 578 00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:13,906 No, we'll just ground all of them. 579 00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:14,774 I guess we still can't have 580 00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:16,142 nice things. 581 00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:17,510 I'll flip the cushion. 582 00:21:17,544 --> 00:21:18,778 Don't. 583 00:21:18,811 --> 00:21:20,647 That's where my water broke, remember? 584 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,782 Eddie somehow managed to ruin the couch 585 00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:24,751 even before he was on this earth.