1 00:00:03,371 --> 00:00:05,139 * "Square One" 2 00:00:05,173 --> 00:00:06,540 (upbeat music plays) 3 00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:08,909 Hey, guys, you know how summer break 4 00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,744 has totally sucked so far? 5 00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:12,713 It's been one day, Eddie. 6 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,748 Well, things are about to change. 7 00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:16,984 Chris Rock has a new stand-up special on HBO 8 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,752 called "Bring the Pain." 9 00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:24,024 I hear it's even more amazing than "CB4," which is impossible! 10 00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:25,726 But our cable got canceled 11 00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:28,329 when they found out Mom subscribed under a fake name. 12 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,064 Oh, no! They found out about Sydney Jones? 13 00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:31,732 I guess we can't watch the special, then. 14 00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:32,733 Bam! 15 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:35,002 Or can we? 16 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,505 HBO's doing a free preview all weekend? 17 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,173 My girl Alison told me about it. 18 00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:42,042 Evan, toss me that remote. Let's get our minds blown. 19 00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:44,512 We're watching "Square One." It's educational. 20 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:45,846 But that's just regular TV! 21 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,515 You can watch that anytime! 22 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,683 I have my routine. 23 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,185 Emery: You might like this show, Eddie. 24 00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:53,521 It has detectives who use math to solve crimes. 25 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:56,257 Do they solve the crime of being a super boring show? 26 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,925 Just give me the damn remote! 27 00:00:57,958 --> 00:00:59,760 No! It's my time! Stop it! 28 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,262 Use your words! 29 00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:02,530 (indistinct shouting) 30 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,365 Hey, hey, hey! Break it up! 31 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,134 What's going on? Nothing. 32 00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:08,569 We're just talking. (sighs) 33 00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:10,904 Eddie, you shouldn't be fighting with your brothers. 34 00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:12,406 It's you guys against the world. 35 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:13,707 You're all each other has. 36 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,309 Louis, your brother's on the phone. 37 00:01:15,343 --> 00:01:17,845 Tell that bastard to go to hell! 38 00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,150 * Fresh off the boat 39 00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:23,884 * I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go * 40 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,986 * If you don't know, homey, now you know * 41 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:27,588 * Fresh off the boat 42 00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:29,623 * Homey, you don't know where I come from * 43 00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:31,159 * But I know where I'm goin' 44 00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:33,794 * I'm fresh off the boat 45 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,964 Sorry, Gene, Louis is busy... 46 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,668 ...doing pottery. 47 00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:42,736 (sighs) I'm obviously fishing. 48 00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,338 Maybe I'm not bad at charades. 49 00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:46,006 Maybe you're bad at charades. 50 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:49,410 Louis Huang, you just said brothers shouldn't fight. 51 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:53,247 I thought we lived in Orlando, not a make-believe lie town. 52 00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:54,315 Bye, Gene. 53 00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:56,850 Gene is coming to visit. 54 00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,820 He says he has some big news 55 00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,455 that he wants to share in person. 56 00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:03,424 Is he starting another band? 57 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:06,427 The Gene Huang Ragtime Explosion didn't work out? 58 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,429 Wasn't that also the name of his vacuum-cleaner company? 59 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,764 No. That was Gene Huang Suck City. 60 00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:11,799 (sighs) 61 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,669 That's not my fault. 62 00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:22,443 I came to terms with that. 63 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:23,944 Gene's the one who's still holding on. 64 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,346 He's such a little baby. 65 00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:27,881 I feel you, Pops. Brothers are so annoying. 66 00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:30,684 Be respectful. That's your uncle. 67 00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:33,754 But yes, he is super annoying. 68 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:41,495 Why, because he held a job for more than six months? 69 00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:51,505 Give it to me! I don't care about your stupid show! 70 00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:53,807 If one of you rips my shirt, I'll destroy you! 71 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,576 Jessica: Hey, come on! It's mine! 72 00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,077 Stop fighting now! 73 00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:58,312 Hey! 74 00:02:58,346 --> 00:03:00,214 But I need to watch "Bring the Pain." 75 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:02,049 It's an urban stand-up show, Mommy, 76 00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,984 rated "R" for inappropriate content. 77 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,587 Alison's leaving for band camp in two weeks. 78 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,822 We need to cram the entire summer into 14 days, 79 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,158 and we want to spend them talking about this show! 80 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,761 Forget it. I heard about that show on "Nightly News." 81 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,396 It's causing race riots. 82 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:18,732 I am not waking up to a race riot in my own house. 83 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,602 Announcer: The story you are about to see 84 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,571 is a fib, but it's short. 85 00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:26,407 The names have been made up, and the problems are real. (sighs) 86 00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:30,110 ** 87 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,945 I can't believe Gene is coming to visit. 88 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:34,248 We haven't seen him since we went back to Taiwan 89 00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:35,916 right after we got engaged. 90 00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:38,252 He did something that made me very uncomfortable. 91 00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:39,920 Did he make a pass at you? 92 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:43,056 Marvin's brother Marlon is always knocking at that door, 93 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,858 trying to get some vitamin H. 94 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,193 No. This is worse. 95 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,696 He loaned me $200. 96 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,197 (mug clanks) 97 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,566 I couldn't afford to buy Louis' wedding ring 98 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,369 because I spent too much money at the night market 99 00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:56,570 on some fake Jordache. 100 00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:57,905 Gene helped me out, 101 00:03:57,938 --> 00:04:00,240 and he's never let me pay him back. 102 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:01,742 And that's bad because...? 103 00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,277 In Chinese families, 104 00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:06,079 no one likes to owe anyone anything. 105 00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:07,448 It's like how you must've felt 106 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,216 when you kept my Tupperware for too long. 107 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,551 That's are actually my Tupperware, 108 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,052 and you still have it. 109 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,522 And if you were Chinese, I would feel bad about that. 110 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:19,793 I've sent him checks for years, but he never cashes them. 111 00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,629 If Gene won't take your money directly, 112 00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:23,831 then just give him something that's worth $200. 113 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,668 Yeah. That's a good idea. 114 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,236 Good news. 115 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,305 Marlon booked a cruise, just the three of us. 116 00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:32,773 He said bring your bikini! 117 00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,007 (chuckles) 118 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,945 I mean... 119 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:40,781 ** 120 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,116 Hey, guys. What's wrong? 121 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,752 We just saw "Bring the Pain," 122 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:47,120 and it's like a truth bomb blew up in our faces. 123 00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:49,757 Chris Rock is right. The war on drugs is a lie. 124 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,124 Told you. 125 00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:53,293 "You know what the good side of crack is?" 126 00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:55,629 No! I haven't seen it yet! Let Chris tell me! 127 00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,365 Eddie, I thought you said you'd watch it. 128 00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:58,666 I'm leaving for band camp soon. 129 00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,434 We only have 13 days of summer together! 130 00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,002 I will. I promise. 131 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,338 Until then, let's just talk about something else. 132 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,344 Eddie... here's the thing. 133 00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:13,847 We all want Alison to say the punch line to the crack joke. 134 00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:17,017 Alison wants to say the punch line to the crack joke. 135 00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:20,488 So you can either stay or scoot. 136 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:26,293 In five, four, three, two, one. 137 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:31,031 (hip-hop music plays) 138 00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,235 (cheers and applause) 139 00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:38,672 (blows) Can't let you do that. 140 00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:40,908 Why? You're not even watching TV! 141 00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:43,076 Mom told us to make sure you stay honest. 142 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,978 She made us deputy moms! 143 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,414 Louis: Everyone get in the van. 144 00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,982 We have to go pick up your Uncle Gene. 145 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:53,887 ** 146 00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:56,424 Dad, I thought you didn't want Uncle Gene to come visit. 147 00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:59,427 I don't, son, but I'm setting an example for you boys. 148 00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:01,194 It's called being an adult. 149 00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:04,231 You have to do stuff you don't want to do all the time. 150 00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:05,533 I'm glad Gene's coming. 151 00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:10,504 Gonna make him feel comfortable, 152 00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:14,241 treat him like a king... for under $200. 153 00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:15,375 Gene: Hi, Louis. 154 00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,344 Gene! 155 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,079 How did you-- I came from another gate. 156 00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,514 Ma! 157 00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:21,882 (both laugh) 158 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,251 Mom, you look so small! 159 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,455 (laughs) You look good, Gene. 160 00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:29,790 Nice to see you again. Welcome to Orlando. 161 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:32,225 "Welcome to Orlando." Who are you, my parole officer? 162 00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,127 Come on. Bring it in! (inhales deeply) 163 00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:36,730 Aww. (chuckles) 164 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,732 Oh, look at the three of you. 165 00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:40,300 Snap, Crackle, and Pop. 166 00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:42,135 Is that a joke from 'Bring the Pain"? 167 00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:43,170 Let Chris tell me! 168 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,372 You live in Taiwan. 169 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,740 Why don't you have an accent? 170 00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:48,375 Well, I work for Delta Airlines now, 171 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,277 which is how I got those last-minute tickets 172 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:51,545 for nothing... (chuckles) 173 00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:52,646 Mm. 174 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,247 ...and during pilot training, 175 00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:56,083 I had to learn "Airline English". 176 00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:57,718 Prepare for an ocean landing. 177 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:58,986 So cool! 178 00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,755 I want to be a flight attendant! 179 00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,390 Do you get to marry people like ship captains? 180 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,892 Nope, but I do it anyway. 181 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,127 Well, I hope this pilot thing works out for you. 182 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,630 Unlike that lychee-nut face cream you were developing. 183 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,932 Wow. If I knew you were having so much trouble, 184 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,234 I would have brought some with me. Trouble? 185 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,403 Listen, Louis, I didn't come here just to visit. 186 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,506 I have some big news. 187 00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:20,508 I'm getting married. 188 00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,342 (gasps) Awesome! 189 00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,277 What better way to celebrate 190 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,346 than by renting a Chevy Lumina for two days? 191 00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,015 I'll pay for it. 192 00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:29,950 Oh, no, no, no, no. Please, don't waste your money. 193 00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,952 Oh, you want to play it that way? 194 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:34,688 Okay. I can play it that way. 195 00:07:34,722 --> 00:07:35,923 I'm sorry. What? 196 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,858 Congrats, Gene. Who's the lucky lady? 197 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,627 That masseuse you met in Phuket? 198 00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:40,694 (chuckles) No. 199 00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:42,462 Come on. It's her sister. 200 00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:43,864 Ah, I'm kidding! 201 00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:46,099 My fiancée's name is Margaret. 202 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,434 She's a consultant. 203 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,603 Very prominent family. 204 00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,505 Things are finally coming together for me. 205 00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,607 (chuckles) Oh, good for you, Gene. 206 00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:55,843 Uh, here, let me carry your bag. No. 207 00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,110 I've got it. 208 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,445 No, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. 209 00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,713 No, no. No, no. 210 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,985 They're being nice to each other. 211 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,386 It's a Chinese polite-fight. 212 00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:07,988 You're never supposed to give in. 213 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,657 These things can get hella intense. 214 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,124 No, no, no, no. At least let me carry the wheel. 215 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,325 Oh, no. Let me carry your jacket. 216 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:13,827 Well, I'm wearing my jacket. 217 00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:15,495 Well, I'll wear it out. Oh, no, no, no, no. 218 00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:16,730 No, no, no, no. No, no, no. 219 00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,231 No, no, no, no. Okay. 220 00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:19,466 No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. 221 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,701 No, no, no, no. No, no, no. 222 00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:21,969 No, no, no. No, no, no, no. 223 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,336 No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. 224 00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:24,738 No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. 225 00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:25,839 No, no, no, no. 226 00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:33,146 "Now, remain calm 227 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:36,383 and hold on to your seat cushions until I say 'brace.'" 228 00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:37,384 Awesome! Cool! 229 00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:38,752 You were warning them 230 00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:40,387 'cause you're the president of the plane! 231 00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:41,689 That's right, baby. 232 00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:43,757 So, uh, Gene, I hope you're hungry, 233 00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:46,526 because we're treating you to a nice meal at Cattleman's Ranch. 234 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:49,096 Isn't your family bored of eating at your restaurant? 235 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,598 Yes, we are! I'm so tired of the menu. 236 00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,432 The portion size is so small. 237 00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:56,003 We got to celebrate, baby! I've overcome so much. 238 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:59,506 Took me a while, but my life is finally on the right track, 239 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,775 which is why I made us a reservation 240 00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:04,612 at the best restaurant in Orlando. 241 00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,046 (Backstreet Boys' "We've Got It Goin' On" plays) 242 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,748 * Jam on, 'cause Backstreet's got it * 243 00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,917 * Come on, now, everybody 244 00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:14,121 * We've got it goin' on for years * 245 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,089 * Jam on, 'cause Backstreet's got it * 246 00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:19,192 Why do we need to go to an Orlando-themed restaurant 247 00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,561 when we live in Orlando? 248 00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:23,463 What is that? 249 00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:26,967 Mel Gibson's mullet. 250 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,302 They shot "Lethal Weapon 3" here. 251 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,271 We'll take a table by the mullet. 252 00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,706 Very good, sir. 253 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:35,542 (As Louis) Uh, hello, I'm Louis Huang. 254 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:38,045 Welcome to Cattleman's Ranch! 255 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:41,148 You know, I have a very positive outlook on life. 256 00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,582 (Both laugh) 257 00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:45,152 I see that acting class in Saipan paid off. 258 00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:46,654 (Normal voice) It did. I'm still getting residuals 259 00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,421 from that fabric-softener commercial. 260 00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:50,958 In fact, that's where I first met my fiancée, Margaret. 261 00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:52,993 Man, I can't wait for you all to meet her. 262 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,327 You should see her ring. 263 00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:55,996 Oh, should we? Should we see her ring? 264 00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:58,498 Well-done, Gene. 265 00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,000 Well-done. 266 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,002 Is Jessica okay? I never know. 267 00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,837 All right. 268 00:10:03,871 --> 00:10:05,739 Anyway, Louis, I didn't come all the way here 269 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:07,007 just to announce my wedding. 270 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,642 I know we haven't seen each other 271 00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:12,345 since what happened at the, you know, hot springs, 272 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,982 but let's put the past behind us and move forward. 273 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:17,484 Look (sighs) I want my future children 274 00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:19,119 to know their cousins. 275 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:22,756 That's why I wanted to ask you, in person... 276 00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,692 if you'd be my best man. 277 00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:26,760 ** 278 00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:28,662 (chuckles) 279 00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:30,864 I'd be honored. 280 00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:33,200 (chuckles) That's great! 281 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:34,334 (chuckles) 282 00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,203 Come here, brother. 283 00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:37,304 Oh. 284 00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:39,372 Oh, sorry. 285 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:41,474 (laughs) 286 00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:43,043 To celebrate, you should order more food. 287 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,212 What do you have that is $200? 288 00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:46,213 Nothing. 289 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:48,148 Well, think. 290 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,050 Excuse me. Where is the bathroom? 291 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,218 Yeah. Right here. 292 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,123 I'll pay the bill. 293 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,191 (indistinct conversations) 294 00:10:58,225 --> 00:10:59,192 (cash register dinging) 295 00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:00,460 What are you doing? 296 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:01,829 (scoffs) You didn't really think 297 00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:02,896 I had to go to the bathroom, did you? 298 00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:04,197 Give me the bill. 299 00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:05,799 (chuckles) No, no, I got it. 300 00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,067 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. 301 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,368 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 302 00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:09,837 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 303 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,304 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 304 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,006 No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. 305 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:14,474 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 306 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:15,909 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 307 00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:17,077 No, no, no. No. No. No. 308 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:18,078 No. No. 309 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:19,079 No. No. 310 00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,080 No. No. 311 00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:21,248 (chuckling) No. No. 312 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,416 No. No! 313 00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,252 No! No!! 314 00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:26,887 ** 315 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,221 You still haven't seen it? 316 00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:30,423 But you and Alison are running out of summer. 317 00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:33,393 My brothers will narc on me if I watch it, and they're around all the time. 318 00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:36,864 Just do what I do when I want to watch something R-rated or above. 319 00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:39,499 Videotape it late at night, when everyone's asleep. 320 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:42,836 Okay. Okay. Okay. 321 00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:45,005 That's how I saw "Emmanuelle in Space." 322 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:48,008 I wasn't ready for it. 323 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:52,913 ** 324 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,750 I'm sorry it's come to this. 325 00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:57,951 Keep the bag. 326 00:11:57,985 --> 00:11:59,719 What? No! 327 00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:01,721 I was gonna cut a hole in your luggage 328 00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:05,092 where I could hide the $200 I owe you for Louis' wedding ring 329 00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:07,394 so you wouldn't find it till you got back to Taiwan. 330 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:08,528 Oh, yeah. (chuckles) 331 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,130 I forgot about that. 332 00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:12,299 Look, I don't like to take money from my sister-in-law, 333 00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,734 but if it means that much to you, fine. 334 00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:16,036 You can pay me back. 335 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,271 Really? Mm-hmm. 336 00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:20,040 (chuckles) 337 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,608 Thank you. 338 00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:23,043 (chuckles) I can't believe 339 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,978 you were gonna cut a hole in my luggage. 340 00:12:25,012 --> 00:12:26,146 I mean, it's a Tumi. 341 00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,180 It says "Tami." 342 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,050 Yeah, you got me. (chuckles) 343 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,452 (As Arnold Schwarzenegger) No, it's not a Tumi. 344 00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:33,620 (laughs) 345 00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:35,188 It says "Tami." 346 00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:40,293 ** 347 00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:42,996 It worked! 348 00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:44,631 ** 349 00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:46,099 (sighs) 350 00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,301 Sorry I had to tape over you, Bruce Leroy. 351 00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,203 ** 352 00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,342 What's up?! 353 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:56,776 What's up, Chris Rock? 354 00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,312 Unh, unh, unh. 355 00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:01,681 What the hell?! Eddie, don't say "hell." 356 00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:03,316 We knew you'd try something like this, 357 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,018 so we used Dad's camcorder 358 00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:06,686 to record over your Chris Rock tape. 359 00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:09,857 Thank you, Eddie. We take that word as a compliment. 360 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,591 I didn't say anything. 361 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,460 I thought you'd call us nerds. 362 00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:15,996 We recorded a more age-appropriate program 363 00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,264 for you to watch. 364 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,731 ("Bless My Happy Home" plays) 365 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:23,703 (laughs) Those hayseeds! 366 00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,005 (chuckles) 367 00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:29,376 What is that on your face? 368 00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:31,845 Just, uh, shining up the lobby. 369 00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:34,014 (chuckles) 370 00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:39,119 What's that on you face? 371 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,288 What? You're smiling. 372 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,891 I am. I am happy. 373 00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:47,194 I can't just be happy for no reason? 374 00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:49,629 We both know you can't. What's going on? 375 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,899 (sighs) Okay. Fine. 376 00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:53,066 I never told you this. 377 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,801 A long time ago, 378 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,337 I borrowed money from Gene to buy your wedding ring... 379 00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,072 What?! ...and I've been trying 380 00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:01,574 for all these years to pay him back, and he never let me. 381 00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:04,577 And today, I finally succeeded. 382 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,046 You shouldn't have done that. 383 00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,747 I know, but we were in Taiwan, 384 00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:09,883 and Jordache had just come out with their Basics line. 385 00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:11,718 They had horse-face rivets down the leg. 386 00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:13,753 No, you shouldn't have paid him back. 387 00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:14,888 He owes us thousands. 388 00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:16,056 Wait. 389 00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,758 He owes us money? 390 00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:21,161 I've been sending him money for years. 391 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,529 Why? He's my brother. 392 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,831 It's my responsibility to help him. 393 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:31,338 So, he owes us thousands and he let me give him $200?! 394 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:34,107 (ragtime music playing on piano) 395 00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:36,143 (crash, sour notes play) 396 00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:40,080 You broke the piano?! 397 00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:41,915 I wanted to play some ragtime before bed. 398 00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:43,650 You know how I like to pound the keys. 399 00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:51,925 At least you're doing well now, so you can pay for this. 400 00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:53,126 (inhales sharply) 401 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:54,761 Yeah, I got a wedding coming up, 402 00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:56,964 and, like, Margaret wants to release doves, so... 403 00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:59,399 Well, you can use the $200 I just gave you. 404 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,568 Or maybe you have something left over 405 00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:04,071 from the money I sent you for piano lessons, 406 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,539 acting classes, flight school, 407 00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:09,376 lychee-nut farming, vacuum-repair workshop... 408 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,811 Don't pretend to be this generous guy. 409 00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:14,714 You sent me that money because you felt guilty 410 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,217 about what happened at the hot springs. 411 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,720 You haven't changed. You're still not over what happened at the hot springs. 412 00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,722 Damn right I'm not! I'll never be over it! 413 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,958 You stole America from me! 414 00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:28,161 (whirring) 415 00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:32,665 Is the VCR recording something? 416 00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,734 It's a head cleaner. I'm cleaning the heads. 417 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,970 I care about our things. 418 00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,271 ** 419 00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:44,777 What are you talking about? 420 00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:47,247 What do you mean, Louis stole America from you? 421 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,183 Get over it, Gene. It was a long time ago. 422 00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:51,751 Oh, Louis never told you about 423 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,353 what happened at the hot springs? 424 00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,288 You mean the time he wore a bathing suit 425 00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:57,590 and everyone made fun of him for not being naked? 426 00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:58,958 (scoffs) Please. 427 00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:01,128 Louis was the first one to strip nude. 428 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:02,195 He arrive nude. 429 00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:04,531 I'm proud of my body. 430 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,499 So, what really happened? 431 00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,083 (chuckles) 432 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,502 Okay. Yes. I'll go. 433 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,172 Louis: Say bye to Mom for me! 434 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:51,378 You said yes? 435 00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:53,580 In the middle of a Chinese polite fight?! 436 00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:55,715 Gene: That was so selfish of you. 437 00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:57,084 You should have sacrificed. 438 00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:58,251 I did sacrifice! 439 00:16:58,285 --> 00:16:59,919 I took on the responsibility 440 00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:02,055 of being the one who got to come here. 441 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,324 I worked hard, got a job, sent money back, 442 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,593 not just to you, but to the whole family. 443 00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:09,162 Would you have done that? I don't know. 444 00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:10,997 I never got the opportunity. You did. 445 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:14,167 You took my coming to America as an excuse to not succeed. 446 00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:17,003 That's why it took you so long to get it together. 447 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,671 But you have a great job now! 448 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,207 You're about to get married. 449 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,541 Your life turned out fine. 450 00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:22,909 Eventually, it did! 451 00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:25,945 But who knows what my life could have become?! 452 00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:32,285 Maybe we would have sat next to my mullet at the restaurant. 453 00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:34,621 ** 454 00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:36,089 (door closes) 455 00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:37,424 ** 456 00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:39,926 (door closes) 457 00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,528 Eddie: We need to talk. 458 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,030 Free HBO is almost over, and Alison's leaving in 11 days. 459 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:47,066 So I came in to tell you that I give up. 460 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:50,870 But also to ask you... to join me. 461 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,972 You're just saying that 'cause you want to watch your show. 462 00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:54,707 True, true. 463 00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:57,043 But...I also don't want to be like Dad and Uncle Gene. 464 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,546 I don't want this to be our hot springs. 465 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,381 I have no idea what that means. 466 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,950 We're brothers. We're all each other has. 467 00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:06,286 Mom divided us, but let's come together... 468 00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:08,355 like Voltron. 469 00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:10,423 I'm the leg! 470 00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:13,326 ** 471 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,128 Do you want to talk about it? 472 00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:17,164 No. I've done enough talking today. 473 00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:19,766 Okay. Good night. 474 00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:25,838 (mumbling) 475 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,342 Louis, stop mumbling. 476 00:18:29,376 --> 00:18:30,843 Say words or don't say words. 477 00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:31,911 I feel bad. 478 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,080 And what if Gene's right? 479 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,415 (sighs) 480 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:38,985 You have nothing to feel bad about. 481 00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:41,454 But his life would probably be better if he came here. 482 00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:43,089 You don't know that! 483 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,425 Besides, only one of you was gonna get the opportunity. 484 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,327 Why shouldn't it be you? 485 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,761 I guess... 486 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,830 If you hadn't come here, we never would have met. 487 00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:54,867 I don't regret the decision you made. 488 00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:57,704 You have nothing to apologize for. 489 00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,972 Thank you. 490 00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:03,710 Unless you want to set a good example for the boys. 491 00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:06,346 (groans) I hate being an adult. 492 00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,715 Me, too. 493 00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:11,351 I'm lying. I love it. 494 00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:14,454 I love every aspect of it. 495 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:15,622 (sighs) 496 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,056 Ma, have you seen Gene? 497 00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:19,226 I can't find him. 498 00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:22,195 ** 499 00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:27,133 You better recognize! 500 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,401 (laughter) 501 00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:29,736 Shh! 502 00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:32,138 Don't laugh so loud. You'll wake Mom and Dad. 503 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,740 Just snap instead of laugh. 504 00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:38,245 I don't care for all the bad language, 505 00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:40,847 but this is just as educational as "Square One." 506 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,550 I'm just glad he doesn't do lame Asian jokes. 507 00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:45,318 I don't care what time it is. 508 00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:46,619 I'm calling Alison now. 509 00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:50,623 We still h-- 510 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,827 I need to call the airline. 511 00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,162 What's going on? 512 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,697 Gene went back to Taiwan. 513 00:19:57,730 --> 00:20:00,267 He left this note uninviting us to the wedding. 514 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,168 (gasps) And he took Grandma. 515 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,571 (gasps) Forever? 516 00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:05,872 No! Just for the wedding. 517 00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:08,841 So, why do you need to call the airline? 518 00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,444 Because I need to make things right with my brother. 519 00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:12,579 (sighs) 520 00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:13,913 We're all going to Taiwan. 521 00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:15,081 (chuckles) 522 00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:16,082 Good. 523 00:20:16,115 --> 00:20:18,551 I'm gonna get my $200 back. 524 00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:20,320 Turn off the race riot and start packing. 525 00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,359 You're going to Taiwan?! 526 00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:27,727 But I leave for band camp in 10 days! It's okay. 527 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:28,895 I'm gonna get myself a phone card, 528 00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:31,130 and I'll call you every day. 529 00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:32,765 I'll even try to fax you when possible. 530 00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:34,901 But you're gonna need to set up an account at Kinko's. 531 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,903 There's one right by my dad's work. 532 00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:38,371 And when I get back, 533 00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:40,106 you and I will still have half a day together, 534 00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:41,974 and we'll spend our summer talking about Chris Rock then. 535 00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:44,444 (scraping) 536 00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:53,986 (Bone Thugs-N-Harmony's "Tha Crossroads" plays) 537 00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,822 * Bone, Bone, Bone, Bone 538 00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:58,791 * Bone, Bone, Bone, Bone, Bone 539 00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:00,259 * Tell me what ya gonna do 540 00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:02,329 * When it ain't nowhere to run 541 00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:03,963 * When judgment comes for you 542 00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:05,131 * When judgment comes for you 543 00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:07,166 * Now tell me what ya gonna do 544 00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:08,601 * When it ain't nowhere to hide * 545 00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:10,570 * When judgment comes for you 546 00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,071 * Cause it's gonna come for you * 547 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,906 * Let's all bring it in for Wally * 548 00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:14,907 * Eazy-E, Uncle Charlie 549 00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:18,845 So... what's up, Trent? 550 00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:20,947 I just got a call from my cousin. 551 00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:24,517 The Browns are leaving Cleveland. 552 00:21:24,551 --> 00:21:25,752 (sighs) 553 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,521 (as The Mask) Smokin'. 554 00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:30,990 * See you at the crossroads * So you won't be lonely 555 00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:33,860 * See you at the crossroads * So you won't be...