1
00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:06,707
Look at you boys.

2
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:09,710
I can't believe
the school year's almost over.

3
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:11,145
In fact,
stand against the wall.

4
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:12,713
I want to see
how much you've grown.

5
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,882
You've never
measured us before.

6
00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:17,518
Yeah, but the last family who
lived here measured their kids.

7
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:18,886
Let's see how you
stack up against

8
00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:21,889
Howie, Jack,
and Kimmy Pozlacek.

9
00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:23,491
What happened
to Kimmy?

10
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,094
At a certain point,
she just disappeared altogether.

11
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,828
Did she go to college?

12
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,163
She was so short.

13
00:00:29,197 --> 00:00:31,432
I'm so proud
of you boys.

14
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:35,002
Evan's finishing third grade,
Eddie seventh,

15
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,171
and Emery's graduating
elementary school

16
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:39,173
as the fifth-grade
valedictorian.

17
00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:40,941
He gets to give a speech.

18
00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:42,576
Okay, let's talk
graduation presents.

19
00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:44,445
What are you getting me?
Can I have Jordans?

20
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:45,546
No,
we're not getting you

21
00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,915
another pair
of basketball heels.

22
00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:49,217
We're getting you
something better.

23
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,119
-Yes!
-Awesome!

24
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:53,121
By Santa's beard!

25
00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:56,290
What?

26
00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:59,227
You are invited to
the Cattleman's Ranch

27
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:03,464
Rib-Eye on the Future
Graduation Buffet Dinner,

28
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,065
featuring
all-you-can-eat chicken.

29
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:09,803
If it's Rib-Eye on the Future,
why are we having chicken?

30
00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:13,040
Because chicken
is the steak of the future.

31
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:16,210
Wow.

32
00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:18,446
-- Captions by VITA --

33
00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:19,913
* Fresh off the boat

34
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:21,615
* I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go *

35
00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:23,617
* If you don't know, homey,
now you know *

36
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,219
* Fresh off the boat

37
00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:27,388
* Homey, you don't know
where I come from *

38
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:28,822
* But I know where I'm goin'

39
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:31,592
* I'm fresh off the boat

40
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,994
So, our big
graduation present

41
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:38,166
is dinner at your restaurant,
which we eat at all the time?

42
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:40,000
That's incredible!

43
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:41,435
(chuckles)

44
00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:42,970
We'll go to your graduation,
then eat after.

45
00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:45,639
And you can each invite
one friend to bring with you.

46
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:47,675
Great!
I'll invite my friend J.J.

47
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,343
No.
J.J.'s too chicken crazy.

48
00:01:49,377 --> 00:01:51,579
And he goes through napkins
like wildfire.

49
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:52,580
Very well.

50
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,482
Then I'll invite Mommy.

51
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,751
Oh, I would love to go with you,
my angel.

52
00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,420
Good. That's one less mouth
to feed.

53
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,522
My boo, Alison, is performing
at Emery's graduation

54
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:03,090
with the Orlando
Youth Orchestra.

55
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,658
We can give her a ride
to dinner.

56
00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:06,760
Great. So Eddie's bringing
his girlfriend.

57
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,596
Girlfriend?!
What girlfriend?

58
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:11,632
Um...Alison?

59
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:14,335
I've mentioned her
several times.

60
00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:16,304
I just said "my boo, Alison"?

61
00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:18,206
"Boo"?
That's the word of a ghost.

62
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:20,708
Eddie, I had no idea
you had a girlfriend.

63
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:23,544
In fact, I don't understand
most of what you say.

64
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:24,878
Sho' nuff.

65
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:26,180
What? I --

66
00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:28,015
Don't worry.
I met Alison at the Fall Ball.

67
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:29,116
She's a great girl.

68
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,718
Yeah, Mom.
You'll love her.

69
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:33,487
Really? Think about
how many people I love.

70
00:02:34,422 --> 00:02:36,224
Do the math.

71
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:38,759
Have your brothers help you
do the math.

72
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,701
(school bell rings)

73
00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:49,002
-I know, right?
-Yeah.

74
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,371
(gasps)
That's what I was saying!

75
00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:51,905
Hey, Alison.
Hey, Nicole.

76
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,407
-What's up?
-Just hanging out.

77
00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:55,543
Talking about something other
than a man.

78
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,211
It's called
the Bechdel test.

79
00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:58,846
We learned about it
when we were studying feminism.

80
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,047
We'd tell you more,
but we'd fail.

81
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,549
Cool, cool.

82
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:02,750
So, Alison, my parents
are throwing a dinner

83
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:03,917
after Emery's graduation,

84
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,553
and they said
I could bring a date.

85
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:08,188
Great! I'm so excited
to finally meet your mom.

86
00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:09,523
Oh, Mrs. Huang?

87
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:10,991
You're gonna love her.

88
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,593
I hung out with her
when I babysat Eddie.

89
00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:15,028
We were more like
co-babysitters.

90
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:17,998
No, she paid me
to watch you.

91
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,333
Later.

92
00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:21,402
Don't be nervous.
Parents love me --

93
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,404
My mom wants me to date
a Chinese girl.

94
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:25,773
What?
She said that?

95
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:27,775
She's been saying that
for a long time.

96
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:30,944
If we talk to our baby, he'll
learn the sound of our voices.

97
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:34,415
Hey, little baby,
this is your bàba.

98
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:35,683
(doorbell rings)

99
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,184
Uh, that must be
your buffalo wings.

100
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,652
Be right there!

101
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:44,392
Baby, this is your mother.

102
00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:47,127
You're going to date
a Chinese girl.

103
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,896
I thought
she'd gotten over that,

104
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:51,365
but I guess she didn't
understand we were dating.

105
00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:53,066
How can she
not understand?

106
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:54,568
I don't know!

107
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,870
I said you were my boo,
my fly girl, my fine shorty.

108
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:59,607
I don't know how much clearer
I could have been.

109
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,409
So, is she
gonna hate me?

110
00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:02,743
(sucks in air)

111
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,211
I really would love
to say no here.

112
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,548
(scoffs)
Well, maybe it won't
be tha bad.

113
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:10,318
I mean, once she meets you
at the dinner, I'll bet --
No. No way.

114
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:12,386
Now that I know this,
I can't meet your mom

115
00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,154
for the first time
at a graduation dinner.

116
00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:15,423
It's too much pressure.

117
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,658
What if I set up a casual hang
at my place?

118
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,993
Then you can meet her
in a controlled setting!

119
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:22,229
Yeah, that's good.
I'll bring her a lemon cake.

120
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,931
Everybody loves lemon cake,
right?

121
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,400
(sucks in air)
I don't.

122
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:27,935
I wouldn't.

123
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,670
Mnh-mnh.

124
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,340
(door opens, closes)

125
00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:34,642
There he is,
Mr. Valedictorian.

126
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:36,777
How's your big speech
coming?

127
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:39,079
Great. I thought I'd thank
all the people at school

128
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,314
for being so nice.

129
00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:42,082
I have a question
for you.

130
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,452
If Lincoln gave
the Gettysburg Address

131
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:46,587
and just said things
were "nice,"

132
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,489
do you think
we'd still have slavery?

133
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:50,090
What?

134
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:53,160
Speeches have the ability
to effect real change.

135
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:54,462
Lincoln knew that.

136
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:56,096
Guess who else knows that.

137
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,131
-Diane Keaton?
-Me.

138
00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:00,534
I am known for
my inspirational speeches.

139
00:05:00,568 --> 00:05:02,002
So let's go out there

140
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,372
and let's win one
for Charlie Sheen's brother!

141
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:07,875
Ladies, if we build it,
they will come!

142
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,276
(all cheering)

143
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,945
As we approach
Eddie's third birthday,

144
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,682
we should get him
the greatest gift of all --

145
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,450
a human sibling.

146
00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:18,486
JESSICA: Oh, yeah,
I forgot to tell you.

147
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:19,620
I'm already pregnant.

148
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,455
Wh--

149
00:05:21,489 --> 00:05:24,124
There is great power
in public speaking,

150
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,293
if you know
how to harness it.

151
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,628
Can you teach me?

152
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:28,662
I'd be honored.

153
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,532
But I'm busy.

154
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,233
Of course I will!
See?

155
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,669
In two sentences, I made you
feel three feelings --

156
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:37,137
disappointment
and elation.

157
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,472
What's the third feeling?

158
00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:39,873
Curiosity.

159
00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:45,746
**

160
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,186
What do you mean?

161
00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:00,160
I don't have a suit.

162
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,195
I have two blazers,
three khakis,

163
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,331
and six shirts
that I mix and match

164
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,199
to create
36 different looks.

165
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:11,171
Isn't a suit complicated
to make?

166
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,906
(chuckles)

167
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,279
Hmm.

168
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,716
I wanted
to play video games,

169
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:25,052
but Alison insisted
we have a study date.

170
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,955
I guess being with Alison
just makes me a better student.

171
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,457
Does she do C.L.C.?

172
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,291
Uh, no.

173
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,461
Hmm.

174
00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:35,496
-What are you writing?
-Nothing.

175
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:38,499
Can I talk to you
for a second?

176
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:44,371
(sighs)
Try not to be too judgmental
about Eddie's girlfriend.

177
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,973
I know you want him
to date a Chinese girl,

178
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:47,107
but this is Florida.

179
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:48,676
His options
are limited.

180
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,646
Well, then he should wait
until he goes to college.

181
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,782
He could find a Chinese girl
at Northwestern.

182
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:56,817
Georgia Tech.

183
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:57,818
(doorbell rings)

184
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:00,220
Oh!
Right on time.

185
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:03,356
That's another thing
about Alison -- so punctual.

186
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:09,262
Um...

187
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:13,501
Oh, hi!
You must be Mr. and Mrs. Huang.

188
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:14,602
I'm Alison.

189
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:18,271
Eddie, you didn't tell me
your girlfriend was Chinese.

190
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:20,508
Oh!

191
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:24,311
I almost lost my balance
from joy.

192
00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:34,321
Hi. Um, have we met before?
Because I thought --

193
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:36,256
Oh, yes.
We met at the Fall Ball.

194
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,191
Nice to see you again,
Mr. Huang.

195
00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:39,660
Please, please.
Come in.

196
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:43,163
Louis, you didn't tell me
Alison was Chinese.

197
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:45,499
This is the only surprise
you've ever given me

198
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:46,534
that I have liked.

199
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:51,171
I'd like to present you with
a traditional gift of oranges.

200
00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:53,006
I buy them wholesale.

201
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,675
(whispering) Yes.

202
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,844
Eddie, shut the door.
Shut the door.

203
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:59,012
Shut the door!
Shut the door!

204
00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:02,916
(normal voice) I'll just
put these in the kitchen.

205
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,520
Who are you?

206
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,722
-Are you Eddie?
-Yes.

207
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:11,224
I'm Audrey, Alison's friend
from Youth Orchestra.

208
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,193
Call her.
She'll explain everything.

209
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:16,864
Alison, I have so many questions
for you.

210
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,866
Where do you live?
Where is your family from?

211
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:21,569
Well, uh, we live
near Thornton Park,

212
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:23,571
which is right over by...

213
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:28,041
Um, are you crying?

214
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:31,411
I've been waiting
for you.

215
00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:34,014
Come on. Come on.
Let's go. Come on.

216
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:37,017
(telephone rings)

217
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,552
I'm sorry!

218
00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,420
Why is there a Chinese girl here
saying she's you?

219
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:41,922
I freaked out.

220
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,757
All that talk about your mom
got in my head,

221
00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:45,425
so I sent my friend Audrey.

222
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,561
She plays second-chair piccolo
in orchestra with me.

223
00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:49,930
Eddie, get off the phone!
You're being rude!

224
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:51,765
And lose the bowls
on the table.

225
00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:53,667
I'm gonna put out
the good chips.

226
00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:56,003
I'm gonna tell her the truth.
This is crazy!

227
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,338
No, you can't!
She'll hate me even more!

228
00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,940
Well,
what was your plan?

229
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,842
I didn't have one!
I panicked!

230
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:06,179
Hey, Eddie. Uh, Alison
wanted to talk to you.

231
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,081
That's not Alison.
Whew.

232
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:09,583
I didn't want
to say anything.

233
00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:11,619
I'm usually great
with faces.

234
00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:12,886
Me, too.

235
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,087
Do you use
the Eyes-Mouth Method

236
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:15,455
or the Most Prominent
Feature?

237
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:17,524
Both of you,
shut your eyes-mouth.

238
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,726
No one cares.

239
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:20,728
Is that Audrey?
Say hi for me.

240
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:22,963
(sighs)
Alison says hi.

241
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,865
Tell her, "Hi, Al."

242
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,267
Your mom wanted me to tell you
to come join us in the kitchen.

243
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:30,437
She's gonna make dumplings while
I quiz you with flashcards.

244
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:33,373
I have to go
deal with this.

245
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,375
Okay, but promise me
you won't say anything.

246
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,444
We'll figure something out
tomorrow at school.

247
00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:38,411
Fine.

248
00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:41,882
So, quick quesh --

249
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,116
That's not Alison.

250
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:44,484
She panicked
and sent her friend Audrey.

251
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:46,820
(chuckles)
I knew it wasn't her.

252
00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:49,923
I'm good with faces.
I use the Mouth-Chin Method.

253
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:51,591
(sighs)

254
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,132
Perfect?
Look at this sleeve.

255
00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:01,601
Can we move some of this
over here?

256
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:06,206
That's not even a real ruler.
That's Bubble Tape.

257
00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:11,845
(school bell rings)

258
00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:15,148
Well, I hope you're happy.
My mom loves you.

259
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:16,583
She does?!

260
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,686
Oh. Right.
That's not good.

261
00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:23,090
Having a Chinese girl come to
my house and pretend she's you?

262
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,858
This is untenable, dawg!

263
00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:26,093
"Untenable"?

264
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,928
I learned it
from Audrey's flashcards.

265
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:28,929
It was a long night.

266
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,363
I'm sorry.

267
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,365
I just really wanted your mom
to like me.

268
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,802
I get it.
But we have to come clean.

269
00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:37,805
Come over tonight.
We'll tell my mom it was a joke.

270
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:40,007
I'll introduce you,
pop in a movie,

271
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,809
and boom --
problem solved.

272
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:44,144
A movie?
How is that gonna fix anything?

273
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:45,813
My mom's
a huge Denzel fan.

274
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:48,215
I was saving "Malcolm X" for
when I did something really bad,

275
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:49,983
like turn our van
into a low-rider.

276
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:51,518
But these are
desperate times.

277
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:58,125
And now,
your valedictorian,

278
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,227
Emery...Emery...
Emery...Emery...

279
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,830
Huang...Huang...
Huang...Huang.

280
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,698
(imitates crowd cheering)

281
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,468
That's your cue.

282
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:11,504
Oh. Great.
Wait.

283
00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:14,574
Where are your visual aids?
Your charts? Your props?

284
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:16,376
-I don't have any.
-(sighs)

285
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:18,912
Emery, you don't just speak
to people's ears.

286
00:11:18,946 --> 00:11:20,347
You speak to their eyes.

287
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,750
Give me your speech.
I'll show you how it's done.

288
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:24,217
(clears throat)

289
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:27,354
"Good afternoon,
Palms Elementary School."

290
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,589
I'm sorry.
I can't do this.

291
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:31,091
Dad, that's my speech!

292
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,194
Dad!

293
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:38,565
I had prepared
some remarks,

294
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:42,435
but instead, I'm going to speak
from the heart.

295
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:45,973
And then the real speech
is on your hand.

296
00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,341
Ohh.

297
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,343
-That's good.
-Mm-hmm.

298
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,780
And you swapped out my speech
with the pages you ripped up.

299
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,082
Right?

300
00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:57,584
Hey,
what's that alien's name?

301
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:04,892
You ready?

302
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,159
I'm ready.

303
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,128
Hello, Mother.

304
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,797
-Funny story.
-Eddie!

305
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:12,632
Hi. Your mom called
and invited me to play mahjong.

306
00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,434
She insisted
that I come over.

307
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:15,735
Insisted.

308
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:18,205
I love this girlfriend of yours,
Eddie.

309
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,540
She never feeds Grandma
any good tiles.

310
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,674
(chuckles)

311
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,382
Who's this?

312
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,884
Hi. I'm, uh --

313
00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:33,286
She's, uh, selling
Girl Scout cookies.

314
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:34,287
Cookies? Cookies?

315
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:35,789
Nope, we're all good.

316
00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:38,758
Thanks, stranger!
See yourself out! Bye-bye!

317
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,895
Eddie!

318
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:45,398
You didn't ask Alison
if she wanted cookies.

319
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:46,599
Alison?

320
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:49,102
Do you have
anything lemon?

321
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:50,971
(gasps)
I love lemon.

322
00:12:58,178 --> 00:12:59,579
(knock on door)

323
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,148
Hi, Eddie.

324
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,350
Change your mind
about those Thin Mints?

325
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,919
I'm sorry. I just --
My mom looked so happy.

326
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:08,088
I don't know.
I just panicked.

327
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,923
-Where's Audrey?
-Still at my house.

328
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,624
I said I had to
go to the bathroom,

329
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,260
turned on the water,
and crawled out the window.

330
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,594
(water running)

331
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:15,929
Eddie, hurry up!

332
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:18,531
Are you in line
for the bathroom?

333
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,200
Yeah.
I like waiting in line.

334
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:22,369
It's like being
in a really slow parade.

335
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,972
You know what I hate?
Line cutters.

336
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:26,339
You know who they're
really cutting?

337
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:27,841
-Themselves.
-Themselves.

338
00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:29,209
EVAN: Come on!
(knocking on door)

339
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:31,078
(whimpering)

340
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:35,883
Your mom's so happy with Audrey.
I'd just be a disappointment.

341
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:38,718
I guess tomorrow
at your brother's graduation,

342
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:41,388
we just pretend
we don't know each other.

343
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,756
Yeah, I guess.

344
00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:46,326
Well,
I better get going.

345
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:48,595
If the water bill's too high,
we all get grounded.

346
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,366
**

347
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,338
What a crowd.

348
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,273
I don't know which I like more,
the pomp or the circumstance.

349
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:07,680
Alison!

350
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:09,582
Alison!

351
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:12,819
(sighs) We need to get your
girlfriend some pork bone stew,

352
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:13,820
help her hearing.

353
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,088
Alison!

354
00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:16,789
Hey.

355
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:25,899
Hi, Eddie.

356
00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:27,067
Hi, Reba.

357
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,002
I heard about
your dating mess.

358
00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:30,670
It's the talk
of the band.

359
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,805
Sounds like the whole thing's
FUBAR.

360
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:35,542
Fudged Up
Beyond All Reba.

361
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:37,510
Have a nice summer.

362
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,112
You, too.

363
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:41,614
Hopefully when I get back,
you'll have realized...

364
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:44,884
* Those girls
are poison *

365
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:47,720
* Never trust a big butt
and a smile *

366
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:49,556
Poison.

367
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,424
Poison.

368
00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:54,261
Reba.

369
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:57,097
Why aren't you wearing
your new suit?

370
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:58,465
Good question.

371
00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:01,168
Why aren't I wearing
my new suit, Grandma?

372
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:11,811
Welcome to the Palms Elementary
School class of 1996 graduation!

373
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:14,147
(applause)

374
00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:16,950
And before we begin,
a quick announcement.

375
00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:19,719
Uh, Billy Sanders,
I've just been informed

376
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:23,957
that you got a "D"
on your last art project, so...

377
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,165
You let us down, Billy!

378
00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:34,934
(door closes)
Okay!

379
00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:41,274
Please give a warm welcome to
your valedictorian, Emery Huang!

380
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:44,077
Yeah, that's my boy!
(laughs)

381
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,812
(applause)

382
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:47,047
Good afternoon.

383
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:54,021
Fourscore
and three semesters ago...

384
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:58,358
I'm sorry.
I can't do this.

385
00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,826
(audience murmuring)

386
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:01,261
He's doing it.

387
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,695
I'd prepared a speech,

388
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:05,532
but instead I wanted
to speak from the heart.

389
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:07,867
So, I'd like to take
a few moments

390
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,502
to recognize the people

391
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:12,572
who helped me become
the person I am -- my family.

392
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:15,942
My dad for giving me
the confidence

393
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,210
to come out of my shell.

394
00:16:17,244 --> 00:16:19,346
My grandma.

395
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,884
(chuckles)

396
00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:26,686
And my little brother, Evan,

397
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:29,622
for teaching me that class
comes in all sizes.

398
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:30,890
(gasps)

399
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:32,825
He said my name
in the microphone.

400
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,294
I'm famous!

401
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,463
And my mom for always
wanting what's best

402
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,798
for me and my brothers.

403
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,233
And my brother Eddie

404
00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:42,502
for being honest
and always speaking his mind.

405
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:47,240
And thank you to everyone else
who supported me.

406
00:16:47,274 --> 00:16:50,009
You've all been real,
real nice.

407
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:51,511
(applause)

408
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:52,912
(sighs)

409
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:56,015
-That's not my girlfriend!
-I don't like your girlfriend!

410
00:16:56,783 --> 00:17:00,920
And now a medley
by the Orlando Youth Orchestra.

411
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:03,423
(orchestra playing)

412
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,392
Wait. I thought you loved
my girlfriend.

413
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:06,826
She's perfect.

414
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:10,763
I just didn't realize
how boring that would be.

415
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:12,099
She's like tofu.

416
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:14,534
She absorbs flavor.
Got none of her own.

417
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:18,438
You need someone
with more personality, Eddie.

418
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:20,340
Like you.

419
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:21,608
I'm confused.

420
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,776
She's not your girlfriend?

421
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,512
No. The real Alison
freaked out

422
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,847
when I told her you wanted me
to date a Chinese girl.

423
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:31,618
I suppose you don't have to
date someone who is Chinese.

424
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:35,655
She just has to act Chinese
in here.

425
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:40,227
So, if the girl I met isn't
your girlfriend, then who is?

426
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:42,129
The one playing 2Pac
on the piccolo.

427
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:44,897
("California Love" playing)

428
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:50,903
First-chair piccolo.

429
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:57,577
Whoo!
(applause)

430
00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:04,217
And now I'd like to introduce
our next valedictorian,

431
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:05,952
Chica Cohen.

432
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:07,554
(applause)

433
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,489
Next valedictorian?

434
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,824
At our school,
everyone is valedictorian

435
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,660
so they don't
feel left out.

436
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,528
They're
pal-edictorians.

437
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:19,632
Hi, Mom!

438
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:21,734
Oh, oh, that's --
that's the light, dear.

439
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,236
Oh, okay.

440
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,805
Hi, Mom!
It's me -- Chica!

441
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:28,508
* California

442
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:31,110
* Knows how to party

443
00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:34,181
* California
knows how to party *

444
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:36,516
So, in order to make
a good first impression,

445
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,685
you used a Chinese double --
very clever.

446
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:41,421
It's exactly
what I would have done.
Thank you.

447
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,490
So, how did you get so good
at piccolo?

448
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:44,657
Practice.

449
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,293
To be honest,
I started playing

450
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:48,695
because there are a lot of
unclaimed piccolo scholarships.

451
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:50,263
Yes.

452
00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:52,532
Mom, are you ever gonna
let me talk to Alison?

453
00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:55,101
Be a gentleman and go get us
some more chicken.

454
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,805
You have to start
training them young.

455
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:00,540
Okay.

456
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:03,376
Eddie, I'm gonna need you
to take it easy on the thighs.

457
00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:04,544
We're running low.

458
00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:12,151
I'm sorry, but the good food
is for graduates only.

459
00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,457
Thanks
for everything, Dad.

460
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,125
Your "tearing up the speech"
trick worked.

461
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,727
No, it didn't.

462
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,795
I could tell you weren't reading
the speech off your hands.

463
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,664
I'm sorry.

464
00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:26,633
In the moment, everything I'd
written just didn't feel right.

465
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,201
I had to use
my own words.

466
00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:30,169
An off-the-cuff
emotional speech?

467
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:31,804
Even Lincoln
had to write his down.

468
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,240
You're a natural.

469
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:36,008
Hmm. Maybe one day
you could teach me something.

470
00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:37,277
I'd be honored.

471
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:39,446
But I'm busy.

472
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,382
-See what I did there?
-I like what you did.

473
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:45,485
Hi, Emery.

474
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,387
Thanks for inviting me
to be your date.

475
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:48,688
Thanks for saying yes.

476
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,690
We have so many
shared interests.

477
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:51,958
Is that chicken?

478
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,569
Jessica.

479
00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:06,473
She's really going to town
on those thighs.

480
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:13,813
Why can't Emery find a nice
girlfriend, like Eddie did?

481
00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:20,253
Grandma?
What's going on?

482
00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:21,988
(Frank Sinatra's
"Come Fly With Me" plays)

483
00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:25,292
* Come fly with me

484
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:29,128
* Let's fly, let's fly away

485
00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:33,966
* If you can use
some exotic booze *

486
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,270
* There's a bar in far Bombay

487
00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:39,105
* Come fly with me

488
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:43,042
* Let's fly, let's fly away

489
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:46,446
M'Mommy, shall we hit
the buffet?

490
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:48,214
Nice suit.

491
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,817
**

492
00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:00,960
I can't believe
I've never seen "Malcolm X."

493
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:02,962
You know,
in ancient Roman times,

494
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:05,097
his name
would have been Malcolm 10.

495
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:07,600
Denzel looks good
in glasses.

496
00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:09,969
Is there a Mrs. X?

497
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:11,170
Yeah.
Betty Shabazz.

498
00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:12,905
She went on
to become an educator

499
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:14,106
and civil rights leader.

500
00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:15,675
Oh.

501
00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:18,177
Malcolm X
sure can give a speech.

502
00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:21,748
Malcolm X wasn't afraid
to bring the hammer down

503
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:24,116
when he saw
a great injustice.

504
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:26,353
Which brings me
to the water bill.

505
00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:27,286
(gasps)

506
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:28,655
-Go! Run!
-Go, go!

507
00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:30,957
So, I was
looking at it...