1 00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:04,905 ** 2 00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:10,211 "The head of the family is the one with the tail." 3 00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:11,479 (chuckles) 4 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,647 God, I want to see this. 5 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,015 Finding everything okay, Louis? 6 00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:16,650 Oh, uh, yep. (chuckles) 7 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,519 Thanks, Corey. Just browsing. 8 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,354 In the Critter Capers section? 9 00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:21,722 Oh. (chuckles) 10 00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:24,558 I thought it said "Criterion Capers." 11 00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:25,893 (chuckles) 12 00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:28,229 Like silent French police dramas. 13 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,530 (french accent) Inspector. 14 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,199 (chuckles) 15 00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:35,369 (normal voice) Oh, here's the movie I was looking for. 16 00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:36,537 "La Choffey." 17 00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:37,738 "La Chouffe." 18 00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:40,674 Gnome's folly. It's a great choice. 19 00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:44,345 See, this is why you're one of our favorite customers, Louis. 20 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:45,679 Y-You get film. 21 00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:46,847 Most of the other people who come in here, 22 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,048 they just want the latest 23 00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:49,217 Mel Gibson movie 24 00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:50,918 or something with cars fighting. 25 00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:52,686 But not you. 26 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:53,721 You're one of us. 27 00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:55,223 I really am. 28 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:58,359 Oh, okay, you have a $2 late fee on "Das Boot." 29 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,261 But, uh, since you're a fellow cinephile, 30 00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:01,695 I'm just gonna go ahead 31 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,531 and das boot that right off your account. 32 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:04,765 (laughs) 33 00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,700 I understand that reference. 34 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:09,103 Uh, and your other rentals are due back Tuesday. 35 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:11,205 Other rentals? 36 00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:13,207 Somebody from your family came in last week 37 00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:14,742 and rented a bunch of movies. 38 00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,110 What? Who? 39 00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:17,911 Our store policy says we can't reveal 40 00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:19,213 our customers' identities 41 00:01:19,247 --> 00:01:21,449 or any specifics on the account, 42 00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:24,552 but I can tell you they have terrible taste. 43 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:28,222 If it were up to me, they'd be due back never. 44 00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:29,390 But it's not. 45 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,125 So, it's Tuesday. 46 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,562 -- Captions by VITA -- 47 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,397 * Fresh off the boat 48 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,232 * I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go * 49 00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:39,800 * If you don't know, homey, now you know * 50 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,303 * Fresh off the boat 51 00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,071 * Homey, you don't know where I come from * 52 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,473 * But I know where I'm goin' 53 00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:48,276 * I'm fresh off the boat 54 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:51,579 Eddie, up now! School! 55 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,481 Eddie: Who's Eddie? 56 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:54,915 I'm Dorf. 57 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:58,118 "Leonard, keep your eye on the ball." 58 00:01:58,152 --> 00:02:01,155 I don't know who that is, but I don't have time for jokes. 59 00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:03,257 Stop playing invalids and get dressed. 60 00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:04,458 ** 61 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,760 Okay, who was it? 62 00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,762 Who used my card to rent movies? 63 00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,431 Just tell me who it was. 64 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,433 I won't be mad. 65 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,101 (sighs) Come on. 66 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,337 I know one of you took my card, went to the video store, 67 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,105 embarrassed me in front of Corey. 68 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,973 Louis, nobody knows what you're talking about. 69 00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:21,509 Let the boys focus on their breakfast. 70 00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:22,943 Staring contest. 71 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,778 I didn't know. It's too early to compete. 72 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,680 Too late. I'm staring at you! 73 00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,015 Eddie, stop distracting Evan. 74 00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:29,783 He has a spelling test. He needs to eat. 75 00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,119 You can still eat, right, Evan? 76 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:36,324 ** 77 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,293 I never wanted this. 78 00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:41,795 I'll wait outside. 79 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,297 (sighs) 80 00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:45,032 Game over. 81 00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:46,700 Now move. 82 00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:48,536 We tied! 83 00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:49,970 Okay, come on. We got to go. 84 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,305 Let's go. Come on, please. 85 00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:52,640 Mom. I need you to sign this. 86 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,475 I'm not gonna sign another doctor's note 87 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,477 granting you permission to eat two lunches. 88 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:59,713 It's my permission slip for my history-class field trip. 89 00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:02,182 Field trips are just paid vacations for teachers. 90 00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:04,685 I don't pay taxes so they can walk around a museum 91 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,153 telling our children 92 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,988 that a painting of a soup can is beautiful. 93 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,823 What?! But -- 94 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,492 When your class goes on the field trip, 95 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,993 you can just do CLC in the library. 96 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,194 End of discussion. Okay. 97 00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:16,364 You never let me do anything. 98 00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:18,031 (sighs) 99 00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:20,668 Louis, I'm going with Honey to the mall to run some errands. 100 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,370 Maybe I'll eat a pretzel or a doughnut. 101 00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,071 Okay! Just finishing my coffee, 102 00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:26,039 and then I'm off to work like normal. 103 00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,341 (door closes) 104 00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:29,343 Just as soon as I find those tapes. 105 00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:31,879 * Creepin' up on ya, creepin', creepin' up on ya * 106 00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:34,181 * Creepin' up on ya, creepin', creepin' up on ya * 107 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,216 * Creepin' up on ya, creepin', creepin' up on ya * 108 00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,886 * Don't try to put me down, I don't feel pain and sorrow * 109 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,888 * The sun will come out! * Yeah tomorrow, tomorrow 110 00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,856 * I bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun * 111 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,092 * Showin' gratitude, my attitude is kind of rude * 112 00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:47,861 * I walk with a frown while I puff my cigar * 113 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,030 * Creepin' up on ya, creepin', creepin' up on ya * 114 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:53,267 What the hell? 115 00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:56,069 So many nipples. 116 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,542 Ah! Don't lift him by the neck, Louis. 117 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,043 Lift him by the sphenoid. 118 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,044 Uh-huh. 119 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,913 Uh-huh. 120 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,214 Uh, Marvin, I actually just came over 121 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,216 to ask your advice about something. 122 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,585 Uh, okay. What a beauty. 123 00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:14,388 You know, I got him when he was drinking water. 124 00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:16,290 Pow. That's why his tongue's out. 125 00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:18,892 (chuckles) Anyway, what were you saying? 126 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:22,062 Oh, um, does Honey ever... 127 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:22,896 look at other men? 128 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,131 Why? 129 00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:25,399 What the hell did you hear? 130 00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:27,301 Nothing. Uh, it's just... 131 00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:30,604 I found some tapes under Jessica's side of the bed. 132 00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:32,906 Shirtless-men tapes. 133 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,475 Shirtless-men tapes? 134 00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,410 Action movies. 135 00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:38,646 Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Van Damme. 136 00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:40,247 Oh. (chuckles) Uh-huh. 137 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,450 And you're worried that you're not giving Jessica 138 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:45,919 the macho action-movie energy she clearly craves. 139 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,087 (laughs) 140 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,622 You know, 141 00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:51,158 now that I hear it out loud, it does sound kind of crazy. 142 00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,259 No, it doesn't. 143 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,094 You should be worried. 144 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,163 What? She probably kept it a secret from you 145 00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:57,798 because she didn't want to hurt your feelings, 146 00:04:57,831 --> 00:05:00,501 which you shouldn't even have in the first place. 147 00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,636 Maybe you're right, Marvin. 148 00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:06,640 Tonight, I'm going to sit her down and really talk it out. 149 00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:07,975 Talk? 150 00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:09,677 That's what got you into this mess. 151 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:12,613 They're action heroes, not talking heroes. 152 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:15,616 You want to solve the problem, you got to act. 153 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,951 You think I took that stag to tea 154 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:21,455 and floated the idea of mounting his head on my wall? 155 00:05:21,489 --> 00:05:22,990 No. I just did it. 156 00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,024 Pow! 157 00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,459 You want to stop Jessica 158 00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:26,994 from watching those tapes? 159 00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:30,498 You got to show her you can be that kind of a man. 160 00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:31,665 Pow. 161 00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:33,300 Pow. 162 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,835 Pow! Pow! 163 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,036 (chuckles) 164 00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:37,705 ** 165 00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:40,841 I'm telling you, it was him! 166 00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:44,177 Why would Steven Tyler be at the Sharper Image in Orlando? 167 00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,013 Because he wants a fogless shave mirror, Honey. 168 00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:49,717 Anyway, how's everything else? How are your boys doing? 169 00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:52,520 Fine. Eddie's mad at me because I won't let him go on his history field trip. 170 00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,688 The one to Colonial Floridatowne? 171 00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:56,857 Believe me, you're doing the right thing. 172 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,559 I chaperoned when Nicole went, 173 00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:01,228 and let's just say the bathrooms are very realistic. 174 00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,864 Did you just say Colonial Floridatowne? 175 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:06,366 They are literally wood sheds with a hole in the ground. 176 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,669 I love colonial American history! 177 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:12,039 Colonial Americans were like the Chinese of today. 178 00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,508 Their struggle, their work ethic, 179 00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:17,377 their ability to use every single part of the buffalo. 180 00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:20,013 I mean, you've seen my porcelain colonial mice. 181 00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,349 ** 182 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,917 What the...? 183 00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:25,352 Colonial Americans survived 184 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,020 under the harshest of circumstances, 185 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:30,090 and for that, they deserve our respect. 186 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,258 Look at this one. 187 00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:33,727 Proud, hard-working, 188 00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:35,563 holding out her milk jug to the world 189 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:38,732 as if to say, "Show me your worst, America. 190 00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:40,400 I'll still have milk." 191 00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,703 This one looks a little bit 192 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,938 like Sally Field, don't you think? 193 00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:47,608 I think that one looks a lot like Sally Field. 194 00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:52,245 Where's your brother? 195 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,882 He's playing Super Mario in his room. 196 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,717 He says it's nice to start the day with a victory. 197 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,385 Eddie, you're gonna be late! 198 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:01,789 Stop playing Italian Maintenance Twins and get in here! 199 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:05,759 ** 200 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,235 (grunts) 201 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:18,572 Later, I'm going to dig a trash pit and burn this. 202 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,741 Louis, what are you doing? Put a shirt on. 203 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,576 I feel more comfortable this way. 204 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,111 You hate being shirtless. 205 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,913 You wear a t-shirt in the ocean. 206 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:26,914 (sighs) 207 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,415 I'm trying to give you 208 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:31,318 the macho action-movie energy you clearly crave. 209 00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:32,986 What are you talking about? 210 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:35,489 I found your tapes, Jessica. 211 00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:37,290 The ones you keep hidden under our mattress. 212 00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:38,992 Your action-movie tapes. 213 00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:40,661 I don't watch action movies. 214 00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:43,597 The only movies I watch are riveting Denzel dramas 215 00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:44,665 about legal briefs. 216 00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:45,766 "Where are the legal briefs? 217 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,768 Who has the legal briefs? 218 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,437 Julia Roberts, get me the legal briefs." 219 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:53,607 Okay, so if you didn't rent them, who did? 220 00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:54,842 Probably your mother. 221 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:56,276 I already searched her room. 222 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,178 All I found was a Chow Yun-Fat calendar. 223 00:07:58,211 --> 00:07:59,780 ** 224 00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,281 Somebody in this house is lying to me, 225 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,683 and I'm gonna find out who. 226 00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:06,987 ** 227 00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:11,124 Forgetting something? 228 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,627 Uh, why are you giving me this? 229 00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:14,962 I changed my mind. 230 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,664 You can go on your history field trip. 231 00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:17,965 Really? 232 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,466 Thanks, Mom. 233 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,701 Wait. 234 00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:21,802 Why are you wearing a hat? 235 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,871 Because I'm coming with you 236 00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,706 as parent chaperone. 237 00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,808 We leave at first light. 238 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:33,013 ** 239 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:41,655 Aha! 240 00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:43,223 Emery? 241 00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:45,559 I can explain. 242 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,233 Are you mad? 243 00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:57,370 Oh, uh, (chuckles) no, no, I'm not, uh, mad. 244 00:08:57,404 --> 00:09:02,342 I-I-I-I-I-I'm just, um, well... 245 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:07,347 you know, Emery, you're at an age where, uh, your body -- 246 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,249 a-a-and by that I mean -- 247 00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:15,522 uh, uh, uh, a father's love knows no... 248 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:20,560 Greg Louganis is a wonderful -- and Broadway. 249 00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:23,430 Uh, although we may not live in the best state for -- 250 00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:26,033 The tapes were research for school. 251 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,201 (laughs) I knew it. 252 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:31,038 I knew it was homework-related. 253 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:35,242 Not exactly. You know how I've always made friends easily? 254 00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,745 Well, there's been a change at school. 255 00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,880 It's like it happened overnight. 256 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,883 And I'm tapping five mana to cast Ancestral Tentacle Grab, 257 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,384 dealing two damage to all your -- 258 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,086 Oops. 259 00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,288 (chuckles nervously) 260 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,725 (deep voice) You guys are dorks. 261 00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:54,728 I'm gonna go throw bottles at a train. 262 00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:57,898 Suddenly, all of my friends are acting like tough guys. 263 00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:01,268 All they want to talk about is cars, fire, 264 00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,136 and throwing things at other things. 265 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,638 And that's not me. 266 00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,573 I don't even know how to hang with them anymore. 267 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,441 Puberty strikes hard and quick, 268 00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:11,578 like a large soda halfway through "Schindler's List." 269 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,914 Anyway, that's why I rented the tapes. 270 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,817 The video store has a whole section on tough guys. 271 00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:19,787 And I was hoping they might help me figure it out. 272 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,655 But I know what I'm gonna do. 273 00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:24,424 I've decided to write a poem. 274 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,093 A poem? 275 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,460 For class. 276 00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:29,262 I'm gonna tell an epic story through verse 277 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:32,632 and show that brains are as valuable as brawn. 278 00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:36,003 Big no to that. Luckily, as a small-business owner 279 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,005 who relies on customer service, 280 00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:40,941 I understand the mechanics of getting people to like you. 281 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,776 You find out what makes them tick, 282 00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:44,845 and then you use that to relate to them. 283 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,479 Like, uh, these boys at school -- 284 00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:47,781 how do they speak to each other? 285 00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:49,783 Well, they mostly just insult each other 286 00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:51,284 and make jokes about farts. 287 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,953 Like, "Who farted? 288 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,988 Did you fart? No,farted. 289 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,323 Fart, fart, fart." 290 00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,791 (laughs) 291 00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,127 That's a funny joke. 292 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,461 (laughs) 293 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:04,297 So, they have a sense of humor. Good. 294 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,834 That'll be the key to winning their respect. 295 00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:10,804 (colonial music playing) 296 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:14,141 And group five is Huang, Masterson, 297 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,476 Stone, Selby, and Pew. 298 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,211 Your chaperone will be Mrs. Huang. 299 00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:19,847 Mother goose! 300 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,015 Wait, Brian, your last name is Pew? 301 00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:24,151 How long have we been friends? 302 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,485 It's cool that we're all together. 303 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,654 Cool? My mom is our chaperone. 304 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,389 So? It'll still be fun, right? 305 00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:31,524 No way. My mom hates fun! 306 00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:33,526 Boys. 307 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,328 Here we go. 308 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,731 We're not even inside yet, and she's already starting -- 309 00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:39,900 We're going rogue. What?! 310 00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:42,335 I looked at the map, and turns out your class is only hitting 311 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,337 the educational parts of Floridatowne, 312 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,673 which doesn't leave any time for the good stuff. 313 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,176 So we're going to forge our own way. 314 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,879 It's what the colonials would have done. 315 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,046 Come on! 316 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,682 What are you waiting for, Pew? 317 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,450 Follow her. 318 00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,686 (laughter) 319 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,721 You forgot to wipe. 320 00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:03,023 (laughter) 321 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,424 Hey, Chad. 322 00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:05,525 Want to hear a joke? 323 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,027 Your face looks like a butt, 324 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,029 and whenever you talk, it sounds like a fart. 325 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,563 (chuckling) 326 00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:13,266 (chuckles nervously) 327 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,377 And that's how colonial women used milk 328 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:27,714 to get out even the most stubborn of household stains. 329 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:31,718 Now, who wants to help me get the blood out of this undershirt? 330 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,620 (indistinct shouting) Jessica: Come on, come on! 331 00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:36,256 * Some of the busiest rhymes ever made by man * 332 00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:38,959 * Are goin' into this mike, written by this hand * 333 00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:42,129 * Are comin' out of this mouth, made by this tongue, I'll tell you now my name * 334 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,131 * My name is Young, but so you think that it's your destiny * 335 00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:46,733 * To get the best of me, but I suggest to be quiet, bro * 336 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,236 All: Whoa. * Don't even try it from the east and west of me, takin' it * 337 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,805 * To never breakin' it to even shakin' it, groovin' it to always movin' it * 338 00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:54,241 * 'Cuz I'm not fakin' it, pullin' out rhymes like books off the shelf * 339 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,143 * Born in England raised in Hollis, taught to go for myself * 340 00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,311 Aha! * This is stone-cold rhymin', no frills, no fluffs * 341 00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:00,247 * And it's no accident that these rhymes sound tough * All: Whoa! 342 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,149 * I'm goin' off, baby, there's no turnin' back * 343 00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:04,317 * I'm on your TV, on your album, cassette, and 8-track * 344 00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:06,319 * And when the show is finally finished, I'll be takin' my bow * 345 00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:07,921 * My name is Young, and, yo, I got know-how * 346 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:09,489 Wow, that was fun. 347 00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,992 Who knew that making candles was a career possibility? 348 00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:13,793 Goodbye, architecture. 349 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,996 And I got a kiss from the midwife's assistant. 350 00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,597 You didn't get a kiss from her. 351 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,599 You just asked her where the bathroom was. 352 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,767 We had a connection. 353 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,302 Eddie, your mom is so fun. 354 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,704 She makes my mom look like straight-up garbage. 355 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,140 Nobody tell my mom I said that. 356 00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,808 I was just wrapped up in the moment. 357 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,110 Yeah, Eddie. This field trip 358 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,644 would've sucked without your mom. 359 00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,113 I vote we all pool our money 360 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,614 and buy her some fancy chocolates. 361 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:35,849 Sea salt or something. 362 00:13:35,883 --> 00:13:37,184 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 363 00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:38,518 Yeah, you guys are right. 364 00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:41,521 Hey, Mom. You were fun today. 365 00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:42,990 Oh, thank you, Eddie. 366 00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,958 I'm glad you and your friends had a good time. 367 00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,293 You know, that Big Red -- 368 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,161 he has a real talent for tanning meat. 369 00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:51,131 No, I mean, you were fun today. 370 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,632 What is that all about? 371 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,467 Are you jealous your friends had fun with your mom? 372 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:55,468 No. 373 00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,137 You were fun today, 374 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,972 which means you've always been capable of having fun. 375 00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,307 You just chose not to. 376 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,674 Where was Fun Mom when I wanted to keep 377 00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:03,543 that gecko that got into Grandma's room? 378 00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:06,479 Or when I spilled my Slurpee on the moving walkway in the airport? 379 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,515 You could've been fun this entire time. 380 00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:12,385 ** 381 00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,389 (telephone rings) 382 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:18,725 (telephone beeps) 383 00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:21,194 Hello? 384 00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:25,498 Eddie got into a fight? 385 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,000 Eddie got into a fight? 386 00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:28,068 Madeline, what did I tell you 387 00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,337 about keeping me in the loop? 388 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,739 We had two vomits and a sprained ankle, 389 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:34,041 but no fights today. 390 00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:35,408 Really? Two vomits? 391 00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:37,710 It's taco day. 392 00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:39,246 Wait. 393 00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:41,681 If Eddie didn't get into a fight, then who... 394 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,051 Oh, no. 395 00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:47,087 (door opens) 396 00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:50,523 Oh, my God. What happened? 397 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,025 (scoffs) You came so late 398 00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:53,927 that I missed a Tony Little Gazelle Masterclass 399 00:14:53,961 --> 00:14:55,862 that I paid $45 for. 400 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,098 You know that expression, "Oh, if you work out, 401 00:14:58,131 --> 00:14:59,266 everything else will"? (scoffs) 402 00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,734 Well, that is not true. 403 00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:05,105 Oh, and Emery was in a fight. 404 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,281 You know, this isn't really as bad as it seems. 405 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:16,249 (chuckles) So you got punched. 406 00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:19,119 Everybody gets punched at some point in their lives. 407 00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:22,455 Your mom got punched by a lady at the yogurt shop last week. 408 00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:24,291 This is all your fault. My fault? 409 00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:26,559 Instead of handling things my own way, 410 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,962 I took your advice, and look what happened. 411 00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:32,132 Thanks a lot, Dad. 412 00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:33,800 (sighs) 413 00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,068 ** 414 00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:38,438 Yo, Evan, want to hear a secret? 415 00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:41,241 If it's that you wipe your hands on my towel, I already know. 416 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,976 How do you know about that? 417 00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:45,578 I know what a damp towel feels like, Eddie. 418 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,080 Whatever. 419 00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,281 I'm trying to tell you a real secret. 420 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,150 Mom is fun. 421 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,584 That's not a secret. 422 00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:54,254 I've been telling you that for years. 423 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,788 Not your nerd version of fun. 424 00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:57,290 Like actually fun. 425 00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:59,826 Today at my field trip, she -- 426 00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:02,929 Boys! What are you, waitresses at a small-town diner? 427 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,331 Stop chatting. 428 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:05,432 Evan, finish your homework in your room. 429 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,167 Eddie, take out the trash. 430 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,501 Okay, Mommy. 431 00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:12,005 Oh, cool, you're back to being zero fun. 432 00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:14,607 Awesome. Maybe I'll experience Fun Mom again 433 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,776 in another 12 years. 434 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,112 You think I don't want to be Fun Mom? 435 00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,947 I would love to be Fun Mom. 436 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,449 So then do it. 437 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,783 Eddie, we had fun today 438 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,618 because I didn't have to spend every minute 439 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:28,021 chasing after you and nagging you. 440 00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:29,856 You think Fun Mom could get you to do your homework 441 00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:31,991 and clean your room? 442 00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:33,293 No way. 443 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,029 That's what this mom is for. 444 00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:38,965 This mom gets things done. 445 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,868 No juice boxes until you finish your homework. 446 00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:44,671 Your discipline is the only reward I need. 447 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,708 ** 448 00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:52,745 (man speaking French) 449 00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:58,818 Mom. 450 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,820 I did the right thing, right? 451 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:01,854 With Emery. 452 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,060 What do you mean? 453 00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:11,898 I don't do that. 454 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,338 Go, you 'Guanas! 455 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,339 (all cheering) 456 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,007 Go, you Barn Owls! 457 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,075 (all cheering) 458 00:17:22,109 --> 00:17:23,076 Why do they call it 459 00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:24,411 women's basketball? 460 00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:26,513 It's just basketball, am I right? 461 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:27,747 (all cheering) 462 00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:30,217 Oh, my God, you're right. 463 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,852 I hate women's basketball. 464 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,054 (chuckles) 465 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,733 Do you really think I change who I am 466 00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,101 to get people to like me? 467 00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:55,108 (soft music playing) 468 00:17:55,142 --> 00:18:00,113 Now I understand the difference between a movie and a film. 469 00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:04,784 Louis: How's that eye? 470 00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:05,952 It's okay. 471 00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:07,720 And don't worry -- I told Mom 472 00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,589 that I got it from looking too hard through my telescope. 473 00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,724 I think she was proud? 474 00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:16,896 I, uh, shouldn't have told you to act like somebody you're not. 475 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,731 You're your own person, you're not ashamed of it, 476 00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,133 and that's your strength. 477 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:21,768 Tell that to the boys at my school. 478 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,236 They're just too busy 479 00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,071 trying to figure out who th are to notice. 480 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,574 You may feel like you're falling behind the curve right now, 481 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,942 but trust me, you are way ahead of it. 482 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,110 ** 483 00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:33,146 Thanks, Dad. 484 00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:35,615 You know, maybe I just need to change my tactics. Good. 485 00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:38,951 And deliver my poem in a completely different way. Oh. 486 00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:40,987 I need to show Chad and those other boys 487 00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:44,291 that you don't need to fight all your battles with your fists. 488 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,293 Sometimes you can use the power of rhymed verse. 489 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:47,460 Okay. 490 00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:49,095 Just be smart about it, all right? 491 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,597 Don't worry, Dad. 492 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:51,798 That's who I am. 493 00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:54,133 ** 494 00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:57,270 You guys are missing the gnome's funeral! 495 00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:59,506 I wonder if there's a "La Chouffe 2." 496 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:03,476 Eddie, up now. School. 497 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,814 I heard what you said yesterday, and I get it. 498 00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:10,116 Sometimes, I can be a little much. 499 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,284 Sometimes? 500 00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:13,486 More like -- Not now. 501 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:14,787 Yes, Mommy. 502 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,689 I understand now that the only reason 503 00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,325 why I have any fun around here 504 00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:19,826 is because you're not having any, 505 00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,294 and that's not fair. 506 00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:22,962 That's why I got myself ready this morning. 507 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,464 I even packed my own lunch -- 508 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,333 six Oreos and a tortilla. 509 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:27,667 Thank you, Eddie. 510 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,169 Even though I can tell you didn't shower 511 00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:32,705 because you smell like a pepperoni pizza, 512 00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:33,806 I'm proud of you. 513 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:34,974 ** 514 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,142 But that means 515 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,877 we're 30 minutes ahead of schedule. 516 00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:40,813 (Super Mario plays on TV) 517 00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:43,015 Am I the green janitor or the red janitor? 518 00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:45,184 Neither, Mom. You died five minutes ago. 519 00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,854 You've just been pressing buttons for no reason. 520 00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:52,359 "And for who but the flowers and the trees 521 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:56,162 doth man speak and sing his many whimsies." 522 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,164 Poetry's for 'ginas. 523 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:02,168 "And though a fist may crush and sprain, 524 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:05,672 there is no weapon like the brain." 525 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:10,176 This poem was written by a clearly sensitive student. 526 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,912 Our very own Chad. 527 00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:16,549 Lovely work, Chad. (laughter) 528 00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:17,750 No. 529 00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:19,218 That wasn't me, I swear! 530 00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:21,020 No need to be bashful, Chad. 531 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,589 It was a beautiful poem. 532 00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:24,391 (laughter) 533 00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,193 I really like that poem. 534 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,428 Me, too. 535 00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:29,896 There's real power in rhymed verse. 536 00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:33,132 Oops. I dropped my pencil. 537 00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:36,803 (deep voice) Let's go spray-paint some turtles. 538 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:45,044 ** 539 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,379 Oh, hey, Louis. 540 00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,748 We just got an amazing Danish film in -- 541 00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:50,417 "Cosette and the Gentle Clown." 542 00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:52,885 It tells the story of a young girl, Cosette, 543 00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:55,288 who leaves her oppressive mining village to apprentice -- 544 00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:58,257 I'm renting "Beethoven." 545 00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,893 I think maybe you meant to get "Amadeus." 546 00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:02,061 That's over in -- 547 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,896 No, I didn't. 548 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:05,798 I don't want to watch "Amadeus." 549 00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:08,067 "Amadeus" looks boring. 550 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,770 Just like all the movies you recommend. 551 00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,905 From now on, I'm only renting 552 00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:15,908 the kind of movies that I like. 553 00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:20,580 Movies about animals... acting...crazy. 554 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,148 Whatever, man. 555 00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:27,754 ** 556 00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:30,957 Yeah!