1 00:00:02,959 --> 00:00:06,310 ♪♪ 2 00:00:06,354 --> 00:00:09,226 That'swhat you're eating for breakfast? Beef jerky? 3 00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:12,099 You've been chewing that piece for six minutes. 4 00:00:13,448 --> 00:00:14,840 [electricity crackles] 5 00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,538 Eddie! What happened?! 6 00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:19,497 I don't know. I was just making a Pop-Tart bagel sandwich. 7 00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:23,327 The Pop-Tarts were the bread, and the bagel was the meat. 8 00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:25,068 Can somebody in this family 9 00:00:25,112 --> 00:00:27,288 just have a normal breakfast? 10 00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:28,985 Bite of jackfruit? 11 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,335 No, thank you. 12 00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:34,338 That toaster was on its way out. We need new one, anyway. 13 00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:35,513 Yes! Are we going to Sears? 14 00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:37,472 They have the best men's fragrance section. 15 00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:39,561 No, we'll just go to the bank. 16 00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:41,650 They give you a free toaster when you open a new account. 17 00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:43,782 But we both already have accounts. 18 00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:45,784 So we'll get one of the boys a new account. 19 00:00:45,828 --> 00:00:49,049 [breathes deeply] 20 00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:53,662 It's funny. You never know when the moment 21 00:00:53,705 --> 00:00:56,360 you've been waiting for will finally arrive. 22 00:00:56,404 --> 00:00:59,233 FDIC-insured, here I come. 23 00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:01,713 [coins clink] 24 00:01:01,757 --> 00:01:04,325 Okay. So, Evan, we'll open you 25 00:01:04,368 --> 00:01:06,370 a free-toaster checking account. 26 00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:08,111 Yo, where did you get all that cash? 27 00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:10,287 I haven't bought candy in three years. 28 00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:12,159 That's why you're my favorite. 29 00:01:12,202 --> 00:01:13,116 I know. 30 00:01:14,335 --> 00:01:17,033 --Captions by VITAC-- 31 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,339 ♪ Fresh off the boat 32 00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:20,123 ♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪ 33 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:21,820 ♪ If you don't know, homey, now you know ♪ 34 00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:23,300 ♪ Fresh off the boat 35 00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:25,520 ♪ Homey, you don't know where I come from ♪ 36 00:01:25,563 --> 00:01:27,217 ♪ But I know where I'm goin' 37 00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:29,741 ♪ I'm fresh off the boat 38 00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:40,404 [breathes deeply] Let's do some banking. 39 00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:42,928 Why do we all have to be here? 40 00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,974 'Cause we're a family. We do things together. 41 00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:47,194 Remember when we all went to buy your basketball? 42 00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:49,152 Thatwas a long day. 43 00:01:49,196 --> 00:01:51,546 Each one has its own signature bounce. 44 00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:59,554 I'll be signing my first official documents. 45 00:01:59,597 --> 00:02:01,730 I've been practicing all morning. 46 00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:04,428 [slowly] Evan. 47 00:02:04,472 --> 00:02:07,562 It just flows. I'm so glad it's my name. 48 00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:10,391 It really suits you.It does, doesn't it? 49 00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:11,566 It's perfect for me. 50 00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:14,046 Which is good 'cause it was totally random. 51 00:02:14,090 --> 00:02:15,613 [chuckles softly]What do you mean? 52 00:02:15,657 --> 00:02:17,528 Well, both of your brothers had "E" names, 53 00:02:17,572 --> 00:02:19,835 so we knew we wanted yours to start with "E," too. 54 00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:22,751 We were at the hospital, and there it was on a name tag -- 55 00:02:22,794 --> 00:02:24,056 Nurse Evans. 56 00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:25,406 What? 57 00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:26,668 She was the nurse who delivered you. 58 00:02:26,711 --> 00:02:29,192 Uh, no, she was the nurse who checked us out. 59 00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:30,759 Doesn't matter -- We know she wasn't the doctor. 60 00:02:30,802 --> 00:02:34,241 Hi there. I'm Frank. How can I help you folks? 61 00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:37,809 We're going to be opening him a free-toaster account. 62 00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:40,899 Ah, our most popular account. Right this way. 63 00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:43,206 You brought along the whole crew, huh? 64 00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:45,121 Apparently, that's how we do it, Frank. 65 00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:48,603 So, what is the lucky new account holder's name? 66 00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:50,257 His name is Nurse Evans. 67 00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:51,388 [laughs] 68 00:02:51,432 --> 00:02:53,347 My name is random? 69 00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:55,262 I thought you picked "Evan" just for me. 70 00:02:55,305 --> 00:02:57,916 I thought you looked into my little baby eyes 71 00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,440 and knew I was an Evan. 72 00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:01,224 But I could have been anything. 73 00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:04,488 It's not a big deal. Names are meaningless. 74 00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:08,579 Did I ever tell you the story of how I got my name? 75 00:03:08,623 --> 00:03:11,408 Me and my family had just moved to the U.S. 76 00:03:11,452 --> 00:03:15,934 ♪ Lord, I was born a ramblin' man ♪ 77 00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:18,328 Your parents must be so proud. 78 00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:22,463 Hi, sister. 79 00:03:24,421 --> 00:03:26,902 Nice robe. 80 00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:29,165 Whose name is that? 81 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:34,388 I decided my American name is going to be...Connie. 82 00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:40,176 Well, I'm going to keep my Chinese name. 83 00:03:42,526 --> 00:03:45,225 I respect your choice. 84 00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:50,621 I was starting my freshman year at Maryland. 85 00:03:50,665 --> 00:03:52,406 YOUNG WOMAN: Welcome to freshman orientation. 86 00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:56,105 Let's go around the room, and everyone introduce themselves. 87 00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:58,325 Hi, I'm Honey St. Claire. 88 00:03:58,368 --> 00:03:59,761 LOUIS: Wait a second. 89 00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:02,459 Honey, Marvin, and Deidre didn't go to college with you. 90 00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:05,157 Whatever, it doesn't matter. All white people look the same. 91 00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:10,337 Hello. I'm Chu Tsai Hsia. 92 00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:11,425 Choo Tie Sa? 93 00:04:11,468 --> 00:04:13,905 Chu Tsai Hsia. 94 00:04:13,949 --> 00:04:15,994 Choo Sigh Ta. 95 00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:18,867 [slowly] Chu Tsai Hsia. 96 00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:21,870 [slowly] Choo Tie Chi-ah? 97 00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:24,394 Chu -- What does it mean? 98 00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:26,309 Colorful sunset glow. 99 00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:28,311 That is beautiful. 100 00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:31,445 Maybe we can call you "Glow," which everyone can pronounce. 101 00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:33,011 But that's not my name. 102 00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:34,535 Hey, a nickname's a great idea, though. 103 00:04:34,578 --> 00:04:36,450 I don't want to brag, but I'm the official 104 00:04:36,493 --> 00:04:37,799 nickname giver on my lacrosse team. 105 00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:40,541 That's okay. I wanted --How about, uh, Mitsy? 106 00:04:40,584 --> 00:04:42,151 Koko? Skags? 107 00:04:42,194 --> 00:04:43,587 [gasps] Moose. 108 00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:45,372 [laughter] Moose. 109 00:04:45,415 --> 00:04:46,547 Yeah, Moose, huh? 110 00:04:46,590 --> 00:04:48,940 That guy never stopped giving me nicknames. 111 00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:51,378 Skooter, Toto, Bubba. 112 00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:53,815 But I wanted to keep my Chinese name. 113 00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:56,383 So, how did you get the name Jessica. 114 00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:58,341 Because of something that happened 115 00:04:58,385 --> 00:05:00,430 in one of my business classes. 116 00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:03,738 So, today, we're gonna be talking about... 117 00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:07,481 Butt Juice? [laughs] 118 00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:10,701 Actually, it's pronounced Butte Juice with a long "U." 119 00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:14,444 Named after the town it was produced in -- Butte, Montana. 120 00:05:14,488 --> 00:05:17,229 Looks like Butt Juice to me. [laughs] 121 00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:19,406 And you're making my point for me. 122 00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:21,408 Butte Juice was almost a failure 123 00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:24,411 because outside Montana, people pronounced it wrong. 124 00:05:24,454 --> 00:05:26,064 Luckily someone had the foresight to change it, 125 00:05:26,108 --> 00:05:27,979 and they turned the company around. 126 00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:31,548 Can anyone tell me what Butte Juice became? 127 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:33,724 Carol-Joan? 128 00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:36,423 Uh...Tab? 129 00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:38,294 Close. 130 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:42,559 Butte Juice became the fruit drink sensation known as... 131 00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:44,735 Geyser Mist. Huh. 132 00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:48,435 And what business principle does this illustrate? 133 00:05:50,524 --> 00:05:52,047 Honey? 134 00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:55,398 [gasps] Are we in? Did we start? 135 00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:57,618 That's right -- branding. 136 00:05:57,661 --> 00:06:00,098 Now, branding is a key component... 137 00:06:00,142 --> 00:06:02,797 Excuse me? Professor Roberts? 138 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:05,016 Why do you never call on me? 139 00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:07,758 Well, it's a big class. I probably just didn't see you. 140 00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:09,673 I sit in the front. 141 00:06:09,717 --> 00:06:12,459 Today you called on sleepy Honey all the way in the back. 142 00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:15,462 [snores] 143 00:06:15,505 --> 00:06:19,204 Okay, the truth is, I can't pronounce your name. 144 00:06:19,248 --> 00:06:20,989 You can learn how to pronounce it. 145 00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:24,645 Are you really gonna have this conversation with everyone you meet? 146 00:06:24,688 --> 00:06:26,560 With everyone who reads your résumé? 147 00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:28,997 It's my name. People should learn how to say it. 148 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:32,870 Yes, but they probably won't. It's like Butte Juice. 149 00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:34,655 It was always delicious, 150 00:06:34,698 --> 00:06:37,222 but people didn't know that till it became Geyser Mist. 151 00:06:37,266 --> 00:06:39,442 It was the same drink. 152 00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:41,357 It just went by a different name. 153 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,707 That's what made it successful. 154 00:06:43,751 --> 00:06:46,493 That is so funny. I don't know about you guys, 155 00:06:46,536 --> 00:06:49,452 but I'd drink the heck out of some Butt Juice. 156 00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,019 [laughs][scoffs] 157 00:06:51,062 --> 00:06:54,022 That professor was a jerk, but he had a point. 158 00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:55,632 Why was I being stubborn 159 00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:59,288 and making it harder than it already was in a new country? 160 00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:02,030 I wasn't losing my identity. 161 00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:05,033 I still had my Chinese name, but by giving myself 162 00:07:05,076 --> 00:07:07,731 a name that was easier for people pronounce, 163 00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:10,691 I was opening the door to more opportunity. 164 00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:11,953 ROBERTS: So, can anyone tell me 165 00:07:11,996 --> 00:07:14,259 the benefit for above-competition pricing 166 00:07:14,303 --> 00:07:17,524 for a product looking to break into the marketplace? 167 00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:19,351 Yes? Bob? 168 00:07:19,395 --> 00:07:20,701 "Bob"? 169 00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:22,833 It was my favorite haircut. 170 00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:25,706 I didn't realize it was also the most popular male name. 171 00:07:25,749 --> 00:07:27,577 I changed it after a week. 172 00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:29,884 You still haven't told us how you got the name Jessica. 173 00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:32,626 Oh, from the Allman Brothers song "Jessica." 174 00:07:32,669 --> 00:07:35,324 You know I love country jam-rock instrumentals. 175 00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:38,893 Uh, Jessica, I think if you were trying to convince Evan 176 00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:40,634 that names aren't a big deal, 177 00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:42,766 that maybewasn't the best story. 178 00:07:42,810 --> 00:07:43,898 No, it wasn't. 179 00:07:43,941 --> 00:07:45,987 Deciding what name to sign 180 00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:48,729 is even more important than I thought. 181 00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:51,514 I mean, should I use my Chinese name, Chih Fu? 182 00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:52,646 Shoo Foo? 183 00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:54,517 Chih Fu. Seafood? 184 00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:57,868 Yes,Frank, that's my name -- Seafood. 185 00:07:57,912 --> 00:07:59,653 We don't have time for this. 186 00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:03,004 My name is about to be officially entered into record. 187 00:08:03,047 --> 00:08:05,180 Do I use my American nurse name 188 00:08:05,223 --> 00:08:08,749 or my Chinese name that will cause me endless struggle? 189 00:08:08,792 --> 00:08:09,793 GRANDMA HUANG: Hey! 190 00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:15,886 Do you know her? 191 00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:16,713 No. 192 00:08:22,371 --> 00:08:23,894 O-kay. 193 00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:26,767 I'm just gonna leave this form here while you decide 194 00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:29,770 what name you want to open the account under. 195 00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:31,685 "Sure, Lauren, I'll take your shift. 196 00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:33,687 Nothing much happens at the bank on a Saturday." 197 00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:35,776 I only practiced signing Evan Huang, 198 00:08:35,819 --> 00:08:36,907 so maybe I stick with that. 199 00:08:36,951 --> 00:08:39,562 Or do I go with Chih Fu Huang? 200 00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:41,695 But cursive F's are so hard. 201 00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,566 Dude, we're just trying to get a toaster. 202 00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:46,177 So they picked the name Evan at random? So what? 203 00:08:46,221 --> 00:08:48,615 Eddie and Emery's names were just as random. 204 00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:50,051 It's true. I thought of Emery's name 205 00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:51,966 while I was filing my nails on an emery board. 206 00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:54,621 I have chills. 207 00:08:54,664 --> 00:08:56,666 And Eddie was named after the child villain 208 00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:58,450 in "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe," 209 00:08:58,494 --> 00:09:00,844 who betrayed his siblings for some Turkish delight. 210 00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:04,195 I don't know what Turkish delight is, but I'd do it again. 211 00:09:04,239 --> 00:09:06,502 They're not the ones about to sign their name 212 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:09,374 to their first official document for all of time. 213 00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:12,073 You want to know how unimportant and random the name Louis is? 214 00:09:12,116 --> 00:09:15,772 Basically, I loved Lou Ferrigno and the Incredible Hulk. 215 00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:17,774 [growling on TV] 216 00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:20,298 [explosion] 217 00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:21,691 Stay angry, Lou! 218 00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:24,389 [growling] 219 00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:26,870 Lou, Louis. Simple as that. 220 00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:30,221 Okay, yeah. That does make me feel a little better. 221 00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,441 But wait. You hate the Incredible Hulk. 222 00:09:32,484 --> 00:09:33,790 No, I don't.Yeah, you do. 223 00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:35,836 Remember? I was trying to buy that comic book, 224 00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:37,794 and you said he was the worst superhero ever 225 00:09:37,838 --> 00:09:39,448 because all he does is get mad. 226 00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:41,711 You said, "That's not superpower. 227 00:09:41,755 --> 00:09:43,191 That's a character flaw." 228 00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:46,455 Eddie, I'm just trying to make your brother feel better 229 00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:49,197 with a simple story of how I got my name. 230 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,634 Wait. Is that not the real story? 231 00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:54,071 [sighs] No. 232 00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:56,900 The real story is more complicated. 233 00:09:56,944 --> 00:09:58,772 It was 1981. 234 00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:01,688 I just arrived in the States, and I didn't know how anything worked. 235 00:10:01,731 --> 00:10:04,647 I answered a roommate ad, which is how I met your uncle Barry, 236 00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:06,780 who got me a job as a busboy in a diner. 237 00:10:06,823 --> 00:10:08,129 Hey, Hong. It's Huang. 238 00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:09,826 Hong, Huang, it don't matter. 239 00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:11,872 It is important to make clear 240 00:10:11,915 --> 00:10:13,830 that Barry is no one in this family's uncle. 241 00:10:13,874 --> 00:10:15,223 He's a bum. 242 00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:16,659 Continue. 243 00:10:16,703 --> 00:10:18,661 I'm gonna give you some of Barry's secrets of the trade. 244 00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:21,098 When I walk around and I see French fries 245 00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:23,884 uneaten and untouched, I put them in a little baggie 246 00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:25,755 and put them back in my bin. 247 00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:28,366 When I get home, I put them on a plate with my regular food. 248 00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:30,891 Mm! [laughs]Smart. [chuckles] 249 00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:33,676 Hey, uh, Barry? Who's that guy? 250 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:37,767 ♪♪ 251 00:10:37,811 --> 00:10:39,813 He looks like a gangster. 252 00:10:39,856 --> 00:10:41,597 He's a gangster, all right. 253 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,599 That's Louis. He owns the aquarium. 254 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,949 He's what we call a fish boss. 255 00:10:45,993 --> 00:10:47,516 Fish boss? 256 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:48,909 Bloop, bloop, bloop. 257 00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:50,388 Bloop, bloop, bloop. [chuckles] 258 00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:51,738 Yeah. 259 00:10:51,781 --> 00:10:53,130 What is that -- bloop, bloop? 260 00:10:53,174 --> 00:10:55,959 Oh, that's the bubbles coming... 261 00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:58,701 Fish, water.I-I get it, I get it. I get it. 262 00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:02,357 He looks like he has it all figured out. 263 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,968 He hasn't figured out how refill his own water. 264 00:11:05,012 --> 00:11:05,708 Go get him. 265 00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:07,579 [clears throat] 266 00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:09,407 [clears throat] 267 00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:14,325 Uh, more water? [chuckles awkwardly] 268 00:11:14,369 --> 00:11:18,721 Water? Water?! I got plenty of water, kid. 269 00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:20,592 I traffic in water. 270 00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:25,119 But, yeah, I'll take some water. 271 00:11:30,037 --> 00:11:33,388 That guy had it together. He even ordered cool. 272 00:11:33,431 --> 00:11:35,520 "Patty melt -- real cheesy." 273 00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:36,739 Onions or no onions? 274 00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:37,871 Extra onions. 275 00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:39,133 [whistles] 276 00:11:39,176 --> 00:11:40,569 Emery gets it. 277 00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:42,745 So, I borrowed his style. 278 00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:46,009 Changing my look gave me confidence and swagger. 279 00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:48,925 It made me feel like I was gonna be okay here. 280 00:11:48,969 --> 00:11:51,623 BARRY: How great is this? 281 00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:54,626 All you-can-eat seafood medley for $4.99. 282 00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:57,934 [chuckles] I'm never leaving. 283 00:11:57,978 --> 00:12:00,894 Does you food have a metallic aftertaste? 284 00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:04,158 I don't know. I'm eating so fast, I can't taste it. 285 00:12:04,201 --> 00:12:06,943 Would guys like some more water? 286 00:12:08,205 --> 00:12:10,686 [as Cool Louis] I got plenty of water, kid. 287 00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:17,214 Oh, my gosh. I don't what I'm gonna do with myself here. 288 00:12:17,258 --> 00:12:18,215 I'm in heaven. 289 00:12:18,259 --> 00:12:19,913 [stomach gurgles] Ugh. 290 00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:22,654 This octopus po' boy is not sitting well. 291 00:12:22,698 --> 00:12:25,266 I'll be back. 292 00:12:25,309 --> 00:12:28,922 LOUIS: Apparently, the medley had taken down half the restaurant, 293 00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,620 and they only had one unisex bathroom. 294 00:12:31,663 --> 00:12:33,404 I was finally on deck 295 00:12:33,448 --> 00:12:36,233 when I saw the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. 296 00:12:36,277 --> 00:12:37,974 [gags] 297 00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:41,804 Uh, you, uh, eat the po' boy, too? 298 00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:44,676 [inhales sharply] And some shrimpy nuggets. 299 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:45,982 Ohh... 300 00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:50,421 [clears throat] You, uh, like nuggets, woman? 301 00:12:50,465 --> 00:12:51,945 I know a great nugget spot -- 302 00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:53,076 Can I cut in front of you? 303 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:56,819 Ooh, that's a big ask. 304 00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:59,953 Here's an even bigger one. [exhales sharply] 305 00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:03,826 You, me, nuggets, Saturday. 306 00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,872 I think there's been a misunderstanding. 307 00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:07,917 I don't like nuggets. 308 00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:09,832 That's fine. 309 00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:12,269 Never nuggets or no nuggets now? 310 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,664 I'll give you my number. 311 00:13:16,273 --> 00:13:18,406 On the way out. Okay. 312 00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:20,408 I'll be here. 313 00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:22,453 [sighs] What's your name? 314 00:13:26,022 --> 00:13:27,371 Louis. 315 00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:31,985 I'm Jessica. 316 00:13:32,028 --> 00:13:33,029 Oh... 317 00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:36,859 Jessica... 318 00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:39,906 Isn't it amazing? 319 00:13:39,949 --> 00:13:41,864 That restaurant is stillopen. 320 00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:43,213 Shocking. 321 00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:46,129 Anyway, that was the first time I ever used my name. 322 00:13:46,173 --> 00:13:48,131 And now that your mom knew me as Louis, 323 00:13:48,175 --> 00:13:50,133 I didn't want to be known as anything else. 324 00:13:51,352 --> 00:13:54,485 Sounds like the opposite of unimportant and random 325 00:13:54,529 --> 00:13:55,704 to me, Louis. 326 00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:03,494 Was that it? 327 00:14:03,538 --> 00:14:05,888 You never saw the aquarium gangster again? 328 00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:07,368 Oh, I saw him again. 329 00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:10,675 I ate the shells. 330 00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:13,374 COOL LOUIS: What?! 331 00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:16,290 You're the busboy from the diner. 332 00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:18,161 You copied my look. 333 00:14:18,205 --> 00:14:19,162 No, I didn't. 334 00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:20,598 What's your name? 335 00:14:20,642 --> 00:14:23,819 My name? Oh. [chuckles awkwardly] Louis. 336 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,691 That's my name. There's only room for one Louis around here. 337 00:14:26,735 --> 00:14:28,302 Look, I'm sorry, 338 00:14:28,345 --> 00:14:31,348 but I just told a beautiful woman with food poisoning 339 00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:32,915 that Louis is my name, 340 00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:34,961 and I'm not gonna have her think I'm a liar. 341 00:14:35,004 --> 00:14:36,832 [sighs] 342 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,313 ♪♪ 343 00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:40,967 Oh. 344 00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,056 Uh...Barry? 345 00:14:43,099 --> 00:14:45,188 Uh, Barry? 346 00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:47,669 Barry. 347 00:14:49,976 --> 00:14:53,153 LOUIS: So we decided to fight for the name. 348 00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:54,589 ♪♪ 349 00:14:58,854 --> 00:15:04,991 [retches, vomits] 350 00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:06,557 [coughing] 351 00:15:06,601 --> 00:15:10,213 Damn, bro! What are those? Tentacles? 352 00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:11,780 Guess I didn't get all the octopus out. 353 00:15:11,823 --> 00:15:15,001 That's disgusting. And I work at an aquarium. 354 00:15:15,044 --> 00:15:17,090 Well, I work in -- 355 00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:19,135 [retches, vomits] 356 00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:21,181 Ugh! Ugh. 357 00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:24,184 Take the name. You can have it. I don't want it. 358 00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:26,795 [coughs] Nasty. 359 00:15:26,838 --> 00:15:29,972 [chuckles] 360 00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:32,540 [retches, vomits] 361 00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:34,803 You've always been an intense vomiter. 362 00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:37,545 Remember that time you ate that entire gingerbread house? 363 00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:40,200 Those gumdrops came out like bullets. 364 00:15:40,243 --> 00:15:42,202 Okay. You decide who you are yet? 365 00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:45,596 No. Mom chose the name Jessica, and it changed her life. 366 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,599 Dad chose the name Louis, and it changed his life. 367 00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:52,473 What I choose today could change my life. 368 00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:55,693 What if I told you there was a thirdoption? 369 00:15:55,737 --> 00:15:57,478 Is the third option 370 00:15:57,521 --> 00:15:59,219 going to a store and just buying a toaster? 371 00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:09,577 So, what's the third option? 372 00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:12,493 Little bro, you can have the name your parents give you, 373 00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:14,408 the name the culture gives you, 374 00:16:14,451 --> 00:16:16,453 or the name the streets give you. 375 00:16:16,497 --> 00:16:18,020 Meadowridge Lane? 376 00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:20,022 No, not the name ofyour street. 377 00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:21,371 Your name fromthe streets. 378 00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:24,244 Calvin Broadus became Snoop Dogg. 379 00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:27,290 O'Shea Jackson became Ice Cube. 380 00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:28,770 Reginald Dwight became Elton John. 381 00:16:31,338 --> 00:16:33,166 [sighs] 382 00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:35,864 That's what I'm gonna do. 383 00:16:35,907 --> 00:16:38,084 When I take over multiple industries 384 00:16:38,127 --> 00:16:39,520 and become a business mogul, 385 00:16:39,563 --> 00:16:42,610 I'm gonna earn myself a dope-ass name. 386 00:16:42,653 --> 00:16:44,873 ♪♪ 387 00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:46,483 ♪ D-I-C-K is my name 388 00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:47,919 ♪ I spell things to the -- 389 00:16:47,963 --> 00:16:50,096 There is no world, real or imaginary, 390 00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:52,794 where you will ever have a face tattoo. 391 00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,624 ♪ We gots to show 392 00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:59,366 [funk music playing] 393 00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:03,674 Topaz, your Pop-Tagel is ready. 394 00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:06,764 The bagel is the meat. 395 00:17:06,808 --> 00:17:09,724 Also, the President is on the line for you. 396 00:17:12,814 --> 00:17:14,120 'Sup, President Shaq? 397 00:17:14,163 --> 00:17:16,861 Topaz, I'm calling to thank you. 398 00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:18,559 When you promised me Army uniforms 399 00:17:18,602 --> 00:17:20,691 that not only could the soldiers fight in 400 00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:22,476 but also dance in, I was skeptical, 401 00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:24,217 but you delivered. 402 00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:27,698 Got the idea when I dropped my G.I. Joe into some crayons. 403 00:17:27,742 --> 00:17:31,528 ♪♪ 404 00:17:31,572 --> 00:17:33,226 We still on for golf Wednesday? 405 00:17:33,269 --> 00:17:35,315 You know it. Is Vice President Barkley coming? 406 00:17:35,358 --> 00:17:37,317 Of course -- Somebody got to carry the bags. 407 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:41,538 Ohhhh! Ohhhh! 408 00:17:41,582 --> 00:17:44,106 Sorry about the interruption. What were you saying again? 409 00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:47,457 I said I really wasn't feeling too good 410 00:17:47,501 --> 00:17:50,330 about this concert that you want me to do for you on the moon. 411 00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:52,506 They ain't got no air up there, bro. 412 00:17:52,549 --> 00:17:54,203 Listen to me, Busta Rhymes. 413 00:17:54,247 --> 00:17:56,510 People expect greatness from Topaz Industries. 414 00:17:56,553 --> 00:18:01,167 That's what my name means, and that's what I expect from you. 415 00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:03,604 When my father died after swallowing all those buttons, 416 00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:06,172 I didn't take over his steakhouse and turn it into 417 00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:10,393 the number-one hip-hop label/ clothing line/multimedia empire 418 00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:12,134 to play it safe. 419 00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:16,182 They ain't got no air up there! None! 420 00:18:16,225 --> 00:18:18,184 How I'm supposed to rap with a helmet on? 421 00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:19,924 Where all this dread gonna go? 422 00:18:19,968 --> 00:18:22,275 I'll design the helmet. You just write the songs. 423 00:18:23,624 --> 00:18:24,668 Okay. 424 00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:31,980 Topaz? Really? 425 00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:33,329 It's my birthstone, dawg. 426 00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:35,418 It's the worststone. 427 00:18:35,462 --> 00:18:36,593 It really is. 428 00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:39,205 I died from swallowing buttons? 429 00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:41,424 None of your stories have been any help, 430 00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:43,339 especially not yours, Topaz. 431 00:18:43,383 --> 00:18:45,211 Hey, I don't care what y'all say -- 432 00:18:45,254 --> 00:18:47,213 That name is hella cool. 433 00:18:47,256 --> 00:18:51,391 I need to go splash some water on my face, clear my head. 434 00:18:51,434 --> 00:18:53,871 "Moon Rock Festival." 435 00:18:53,915 --> 00:18:55,221 What? 436 00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:57,962 You could call it the Moon Rock Festival -- 437 00:18:58,006 --> 00:19:00,095 if you have a concert on the moon. 438 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,271 Hmm. 439 00:19:02,315 --> 00:19:04,317 [door opens] 440 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,884 Oh, sorry. The door wasn't -- 441 00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:12,107 You probably think I should use my Chinese name. 442 00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:18,766 Let me guess -- You have a long, unhelpful story 443 00:19:18,809 --> 00:19:20,202 about how you chose your name. 444 00:19:28,645 --> 00:19:30,343 So, what do you think I should do? 445 00:19:40,266 --> 00:19:41,223 What do you mean? 446 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:55,629 [speaks Chinese] 447 00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:57,413 Thanks, Grandma. 448 00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:01,287 Yeah, so, our insurance actually isn't too bad here. 449 00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:03,289 You know, they cover six doctor's visits a year, 450 00:20:03,332 --> 00:20:05,639 plus the colonoscopy that I was supposed to have today 451 00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:07,293 and had to reschedule, even though I drank 452 00:20:07,336 --> 00:20:09,643 all that magnesium. -I've made my decision. 453 00:20:09,686 --> 00:20:10,731 -Oh. -Finally. 454 00:20:10,774 --> 00:20:12,472 -Thank God. -I'm dying! 455 00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:13,429 EMERY: Congrats. 456 00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:15,388 Mnh-mnh. 457 00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:16,911 [sighs] 458 00:20:16,954 --> 00:20:21,481 ♪♪ 459 00:20:21,524 --> 00:20:24,484 Look at it -- even the temporary checks are beautiful. 460 00:20:24,527 --> 00:20:25,311 [clatter] 461 00:20:27,661 --> 00:20:30,490 I definitely saw that coming. Me too. 462 00:20:30,533 --> 00:20:33,057 Here, Mom. Use this to buy a new one. 463 00:20:33,101 --> 00:20:36,365 It's my treat. I wrote "Toast" in the memo. 464 00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:40,326 After all that, you can't even tell what name he chose. 465 00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:42,284 His signature's illegible. 466 00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:44,068 It's the signature of a doctor. 467 00:20:44,112 --> 00:20:46,070 Doesn't matter what name he chose. 468 00:20:46,114 --> 00:20:49,726 Everyone will call him Dr. Huang. 469 00:20:56,907 --> 00:21:00,302 [laughing] 470 00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:02,478 [sighs] 471 00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:10,878 And what name would you like to put your library card under? 472 00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:12,967 Jenny. Mm. 473 00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:17,101 Perfect. That's all I need. 474 00:21:17,145 --> 00:21:19,887 Welcome to the D.C. Public Library system, Jenny. 475 00:21:19,930 --> 00:21:22,150 I'll see you back in five days when the books are due. 476 00:21:27,547 --> 00:21:28,765 Okay. 477 00:21:28,809 --> 00:21:31,290 Have a great day. Bye, Jenny.