1 00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:04,638 (country music plays) (telephone rings) 2 00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,340 Cattleman's Ranch, how may I help you? 3 00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:08,309 MAN: I'd like to place an order for pickup. 4 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,044 Oh, I'm sorry. We don't do takeout. 5 00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:13,247 I'll take a rib plate with a side of your mashed po-tah-toes. 6 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:15,149 Uh, potatoes, and we don't do -- 7 00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:17,718 A large coleslaw, extra cole... Okay, sir -- 8 00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,853 ...and two of your fancy cookie pies. 9 00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:22,156 Sir, we don't do takeout at Cattleman's. 10 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:24,024 We do now. 11 00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:27,995 We're getting in the to-go game. 12 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,364 Sir, sorry to keep you waiting. 13 00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:32,433 Uh, you are never going to believe this. 14 00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:36,204 It turns out we just started doing to-go, like, right now. 15 00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,041 * Fresh off the boat 16 00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:42,710 * I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go * 17 00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,612 * If you don't know, homey, now you know * 18 00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:46,214 * Fresh off the boat 19 00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:48,416 * Homey, you don't know where I come from * 20 00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:49,950 * But I know where I'm goin' 21 00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:52,686 * I'm fresh off the boat 22 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,923 (up-tempo music playing) 23 00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:57,958 (birds squawking) 24 00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:01,862 It's too loud. Turn it down. 25 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,464 (sighs) 26 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,366 It's down. 27 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:08,536 I think if the three of us were stuck on a deserted island, 28 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:09,903 we'd be fine. 29 00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:11,205 We totally would be. 30 00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:13,241 I'm great at finding fresh water. 31 00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:14,642 And I know how to start a fire. 32 00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,277 And I'd drink a glass of that fresh water 33 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:18,212 while using the fire to cook and eat both of you. 34 00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:19,547 What? What? 35 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:20,914 Don't kid yourselves. 36 00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:22,049 A few days of starvation, 37 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,584 and you'd be trying to eat me, too. 38 00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:25,052 I'd eat berries. 39 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,754 There are no berries. 40 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,256 No berries? 41 00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:29,390 (ducks quacking) 42 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,892 Eddie, turn those ducks down! 43 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,294 (door opens, closes) 44 00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:35,563 Now entering the square circle, 45 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:40,401 the Intercontinental Champion of the World, 46 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:43,171 Louis "The Animal" Steele! 47 00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:44,004 Yay! Dad's home! 48 00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:45,573 Ahh! (growls) 49 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:47,074 Me eat turnbuckle! 50 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,976 Rawr! (laughter) 51 00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:50,944 When did this couch get so lumpy? 52 00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:52,846 It's not the couch! It's Evan! 53 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,982 You guys hear something? The wind? 54 00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,617 Evan! You hear Evan! 55 00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:58,085 You're sitting on me! 56 00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,787 Evan, when did you get there? 57 00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,355 Hey, watch this. 58 00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:03,123 Kid 'n Play. 59 00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:05,159 Kid 'n Play. Oh! 60 00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:06,494 Whoo! You're the best! 61 00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:07,861 Dad, you rock! Dad, you're the best! 62 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:11,098 Ah, Hector made chocolate cake today. 63 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,099 Brought you guys some. 64 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,201 Cake! 65 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:15,269 Okay, everybody. Time for bed. 66 00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:16,637 (all sigh) 67 00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,972 Hey, now, now. Listen to your mother. 68 00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:20,641 (whispering) You can eat it in your room. 69 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,777 Brush your teeth after. 70 00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,213 Don't brush. 71 00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:28,115 (sighs) 72 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,050 You are the only one who can tear them away 73 00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:32,152 from The Adventures of Baby Ducks Screaming. 74 00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:34,288 Well, I've been putting in so much time at work 75 00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:36,190 getting ready to launch Cattleman's To-Go, 76 00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:37,825 I only get to see them for a few minutes a night. 77 00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:39,159 Got to make them count. 78 00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:40,894 Well, maybe you wouldn't have to work so hard 79 00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:42,496 if you hired competent help. 80 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,665 My staff is more than competent. 81 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,967 They have the instincts of a goldfish -- 82 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:51,239 eyes wide open, mouths moving, swallowing air, 83 00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,207 can't tell flakes from poop. 84 00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:54,708 What was that? 85 00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:56,410 Did you just ask for a Kid 'n Play? 86 00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:57,411 No. 87 00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:58,846 Mm, someone did. 88 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,450 (screams) (groans) 89 00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,920 ** 90 00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:10,358 (wolf-whistles) 91 00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:17,030 Ma, I'm getting dressed. 92 00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,408 There's no way you're going to work today. 93 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,009 You can't even get dressed. 94 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,944 It's the first day of Cattleman's To-Go. 95 00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,179 I have to be there. 96 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,681 Just let the staff handle it. 97 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,182 There's no way they can manage. 98 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,517 I thought you said they were competent. 99 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,686 When I'm there to supervise them. 100 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:39,587 On their own, they're -- 101 00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:40,621 Goldfish? 102 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:44,958 That's actually a pretty good Mitch. 103 00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:45,793 (chuckles) 104 00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:47,528 No, I can do this. 105 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:50,931 If I can just get this sock on, everything will be fine. 106 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,966 (grunting) 107 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,702 It's slow at work. 108 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,104 The investment property is being held up with inspections. 109 00:03:57,137 --> 00:04:00,474 I can just cover for you until you're back on your feet. 110 00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:01,909 I don't think so. 111 00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:04,077 You and the staff aren't exactly a good mix. 112 00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:06,980 You told Nancy she didn't really serve in Desert Storm. 113 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:09,082 She didn't get a kill. She was a cook. 114 00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:12,085 Cooks should have the most kills. 115 00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:13,987 They have the element of surprise. 116 00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:18,659 (grunts) 117 00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,461 (sighs) 118 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,902 If you were to cover for me, 119 00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,638 you couldn't fire anyone. 120 00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,806 What makes you think I would fire anyone? 121 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,575 Because that's your move. 122 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,076 At the furniture store in D.C., 123 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,078 you would try to fire people all the time. 124 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,513 Name one. 125 00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,849 Me. Susan our accountant. James my client. 126 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,451 You tried to fire a customer. 127 00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:44,985 Being a manager is a lot like chess. 128 00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,787 If you can't get rid of any of the pieces, 129 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,155 you can't win the game. 130 00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:50,257 No firing anyone. Fine. 131 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,793 No firing... except as a last resort. 132 00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:55,796 Nope. No firing. No verbal firings. I understand. 133 00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:59,199 No firing. What if word of layoffs comes down from corporate? 134 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,436 Boys, your father is recovering, 135 00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:04,438 so I'm going to be at the restaurant today 136 00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:06,273 and he'll be here when you get home from school. 137 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,541 Yay! 138 00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:08,809 Dad! (chuckles) 139 00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,844 These truly are my lucky socks! 140 00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:14,114 My brain's going to school, but my heart's staying here. 141 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,583 My brain's staying here, too. 142 00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,789 As you know, Louis had an accident. 143 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,792 Oh, yeah. He paged me -- "911 Louis down". 144 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,827 Was he attacked by birds? They're everywhere. 145 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,862 I think they're moving down here from Vermont. 146 00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:30,297 I saw a bird in a tree, 147 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,365 and I was like, "Is he watching me?" 148 00:05:31,399 --> 00:05:33,000 It wasn't birds. 149 00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:36,470 Now, I know we've had our differences in the past, 150 00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:38,839 but it's time for a fresh start. 151 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:42,643 Together, we can make the To-Go launch a success. 152 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,712 You ever see a complete pigeon? 153 00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,313 They're always missing something. 154 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,816 Are you trying to get fired, Nancy? 155 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,584 Oh, we know you can't fire anyone. 156 00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:52,453 Louis also paged me that. 157 00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:55,489 Fire won't kill a pigeon. 158 00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:58,058 I've seen them shuffling out of burning buildings in Kuwait. 159 00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:00,027 It's like they're born from the flames. 160 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,863 ** 161 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:03,997 (laughter) 162 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,433 Hey, boys. 163 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:06,934 Welcome home. 164 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,769 (chuckles) 165 00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:11,872 I guess if I was forced to pick, I'd eat Eddie. 166 00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:12,906 Me too. 167 00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,575 I'd eat Evan. Why me? 168 00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:15,943 I've known you a shorter time, 169 00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,210 so I'm less attached to you. 170 00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:20,247 Louis? 171 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,381 (door closes) 172 00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:23,250 Where's your father? 173 00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:25,118 I agreed not to fire the staff, 174 00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:27,120 but they didn't need to know that. 175 00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:29,723 Now they have nothing to fear! 176 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:32,426 How can I rule without fear?! 177 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,229 Do you want us to respond? 178 00:06:37,565 --> 00:06:39,066 Dad's at the diner where Emery got sick 179 00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:40,768 from drinking all that orange juice. 180 00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,970 He went to the diner? When? 181 00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:45,372 As soon as we got home from school. 182 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,374 He said, "Hey, boys. Welcome home. 183 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,742 Want some coffee?" 184 00:06:48,776 --> 00:06:50,310 And then he left to get us all coffee. 185 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,079 I'm waiting on a babyccino. 186 00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,586 Louis? 187 00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:00,621 Oh, thank God you're back from work. 188 00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:01,822 Let's go home. 189 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,090 What are you doing here? 190 00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:03,957 Why aren't you home with the boys? 191 00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:05,325 Because you're not there. 192 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:07,828 (sighs) 193 00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:10,564 I can't spend time alone with our kids. 194 00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:12,766 Can I get a babyccino and the check? 195 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:19,973 What do you mean 196 00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:22,843 you can't spend time alone with the kids? 197 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,945 They love you. You're their favorite. 198 00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,246 Yeah, that's because I only see them 199 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,515 for a little bit every night. 200 00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:29,116 I give them a tight-two. 201 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:31,685 I blow in, dazzle them with a two-minute tornado of fun, 202 00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:33,253 then get out. 203 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:36,089 Okay, quick impression of the Budweiser frogs, 204 00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,625 then pretend to fall down, 205 00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,459 then a fun fact straight into a group tickle, 206 00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,530 ending with your closer -- desirable food item. 207 00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:43,531 Phew! 208 00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:46,033 EVAN: Yay! EMERY: Dad's home! 209 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,835 Bud...weis...er. 210 00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,269 (boys cheering) (laughs) 211 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,271 Hit them hard and leave them wanting more. 212 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,640 Learned that from my father. 213 00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:54,207 I idolized him, 214 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,777 and I saw him for like 10 minutes, total, my whole life. 215 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,612 The more time you spend with your kids, 216 00:07:58,646 --> 00:07:59,947 the more chances they have 217 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,550 to realize you're just a guy, a mortal, 218 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,985 that your detachable thumb isn't magic 219 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,854 and those quarters aren't coming out of their ears, 220 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,288 they're coming out of your paycheck. 221 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,657 This is ridiculous. 222 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,391 You spend a lot of time with the boys. 223 00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:13,861 Yeah, but not alone. You're always around. 224 00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:16,730 You're my buffer -- the bad cop to my good cop. 225 00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,732 Wait, I thought I was the good cop -- 226 00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:22,069 enforcing rules so that they can learn to live in society. 227 00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:23,537 You're the bad cop -- 228 00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:25,673 giving them treats and then confusing them 229 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:28,375 by making them think frogs can say the name of a beer. 230 00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:29,677 You're right. I'm bad cop. 231 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,144 You shouldn't leave me alone with them. 232 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,580 Nice try. 233 00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:34,081 Tomorrow, you're gonna spend the whole day 234 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:36,316 with the kids by yourself. 235 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,418 (whining) But I'm sick. 236 00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:41,154 (country music plays) 237 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,490 (indistinct conversation) 238 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:46,093 What is this? No standing around. 239 00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:47,527 Well, we're just waiting for our orders to come out. 240 00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,362 You have time to lean, you have time to clean. 241 00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,531 Come on. ABM -- always be moving. 242 00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:52,900 You got it, boss. (chuckles) 243 00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,338 Really? 244 00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,208 What? You didn't say how fast we had to be moving. 245 00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:06,013 (in slow-motion) Ha, ha, ha. Good one. 246 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,447 Thank you for waiting. 247 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,082 Here's your Cattleman's To-Go. 248 00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:11,018 I'm sorry. Is there any way we can eat it here? 249 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,352 The kids changed their minds. 250 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,754 Oh, yeah. Of course. 251 00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:15,322 There's plenty of tables. Sit anywhere you like. 252 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,960 Hey. I don't know if you know this, 253 00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,528 we don't get tips on those orders, 254 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,930 so if you let them eat here, 255 00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:25,098 we'll have to clean up after as if they dined in. 256 00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:26,900 All the work and no tip? 257 00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,435 Got it. I didn't know that. 258 00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:30,303 Great. Thanks. 259 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,310 (exhales sharply) 260 00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:40,080 You can do this. It's just a few hours. 261 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,650 They are your sons. You made them. 262 00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,985 It depends on what you value on the island -- 263 00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,821 entertainment or strength. 264 00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:49,322 Eat me, you lose both. 265 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,059 Dad. 266 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,894 You're not gonna leave to get coffee again, are you? 267 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,228 Nope. How about some Chris Farley? 268 00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:56,496 I'm Tommy Boy. 269 00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,231 "Fat guy in a little coat. 270 00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,767 Tommy likey. Tommy want wingy." 271 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,468 Why did the fish get a bad report card? 272 00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:03,070 Because all his grades were under sea! (under "C") 273 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,672 Fun fact -- There are no naturally occurring blue foods. 274 00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,173 Even blueberries are purple. 275 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,908 Also, it's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. 276 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,843 Ah-choo! See? Oreos? 277 00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,244 Dad, are you okay? 278 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,080 You heard your mom. Time for bed. 279 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,782 Mom's not here. 280 00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:16,349 And it's the middle of the day. 281 00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,751 Uh...I-I know. I knew that. 282 00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:19,486 I was just seeing if you knew that, 283 00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:21,321 and you passed the test like school -- homework -- home test! 284 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,090 (laughs nervously) 285 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,758 You're flailing. You got nothing left. 286 00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:26,093 They're gonna realize you're a fraud 287 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,294 if you don't do something. 288 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,129 Come on. Think. Think! 289 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,163 Let's watch TV! 290 00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:37,971 Grandma's watching her movies. 291 00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:39,606 Uh, it's okay. 292 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,975 I'm sure she'll make an exception for her baby boy. 293 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,610 Hey, Ma? 294 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,746 Would you mind if the boys and I watched TV for a bit? 295 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:54,654 Now what are we gonna do, Dad? 296 00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:55,889 Uh... 297 00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:57,825 we can watch this movie. (chuckles) 298 00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:58,759 This movie? 299 00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:03,897 (deep voice) Look out, we're here to buy my brother some sunglasses. 300 00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:05,232 (high-pitched voice) One minute. 301 00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:06,133 (deep voice) One minute, little bro. 302 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,801 Hi, my name is John Paul, 303 00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:10,003 but my friends call me Disco Dave. 304 00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:11,905 You guys got a great place here. 305 00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:13,140 Well-built. 306 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,808 You can tell the beams are solid. 307 00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:16,243 I'm not getting sunglasses, 308 00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,145 because I just bought this awesome watch. 309 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,347 (high-pitched voice) I have a watch, but it's old. 310 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:25,018 (deep voice) Well, I'll be. Girls. 311 00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,219 (high-pitched sigh) 312 00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,055 Don't look now. There's Paul. 313 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:30,257 (deep voice) You ladies buying me a present? 314 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,359 (high-pitched voice) Yeah, we're trying to buy you a life. 315 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:34,361 (giggles) Good one, Anne. 316 00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,496 (normal voice) Hey, cool sunglasses, dude. 317 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,331 Yeah, super cool. (chuckles) 318 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,499 He looks like my uncle. 319 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,068 (chuckles) 320 00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,342 Can we draw on your cast? 321 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:52,512 Uh, sure! (chuckles) 322 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,514 Yes, you can draw whatever you want. 323 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:55,348 Really? 324 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:56,516 Well, no butts. 325 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,018 (all groan) 326 00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,119 Okay -- butts. 327 00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:00,353 ALL: Yay! 328 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:01,588 I call the black marker! 329 00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:03,456 (exhales sharply) 330 00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:06,293 Table for two, please. 331 00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,061 May I suggest instead of ordering 332 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,629 from the menu at your table, 333 00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:12,365 you call in an order and then just eat it here? 334 00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,534 That way, you don't have to pay a tip. 335 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,569 It's all part of our new service -- 336 00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:19,072 Cattleman's To-Go To Stay. 337 00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:20,941 Saving money! 338 00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:22,142 (laughs) 339 00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:24,644 I like the sound of that. (laughs) 340 00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:25,645 Speed dial. Line one. 341 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,916 (telephone beeps) (grunts) 342 00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:30,450 (telephone rings) 343 00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:31,618 Cattleman's Ranch. 344 00:12:31,651 --> 00:12:33,286 Uh, hi. 345 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,923 I'll have the hickory burger and some curly fries. 346 00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:37,290 Excellent choice. (chuckles) 347 00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:38,826 My wife would like the club sandwich -- 348 00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:41,294 I want to switch to the steak salad. 349 00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:43,163 Hold on a second. 350 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:44,397 What do you want, now? 351 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,834 I want a steak salad, no dressing. 352 00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:48,501 You don't want the club sandwich anymore? 353 00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:49,669 You sure? 354 00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:50,804 'Cause I got them on the phone now. 355 00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:57,244 She'd like the steak salad, no sauce. 356 00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,946 No sauce. 357 00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:04,151 ** 358 00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,955 Dear God. They're almost done. 359 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:09,957 When did they learn to draw so fast? 360 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,125 Dad, if we were stuck on an island, 361 00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:14,161 which one of us would you eat? Eddie. 362 00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:17,097 Why wouldn't you pick me? I'm young, like veal. 363 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,331 I thought you didn't want to get eaten. 364 00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:19,599 Not by you. 365 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,402 But Dad? I'd be honored if he ate me. 366 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,705 Well, I guess that's it. We're out of space. 367 00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:27,007 Already? 368 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,676 Dad, are you okay? You're sweating. 369 00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,178 (stammers) Uh, yeah. 370 00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:33,113 (chuckles) It's just this cast. 371 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,115 It's itchy, probably got a rash. 372 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,717 ALL: Gross. 373 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,254 (country music plays) 374 00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:46,059 That order was called in over an hour ago. 375 00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:47,560 Nobody's come to pick it up yet? 376 00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:49,629 Guess not. 377 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,231 Why would somebody call in an order 378 00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,799 and then not pick it up? 379 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,201 I don't know. 380 00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:56,069 Pfft, a lot of forgetful people out there. 381 00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:59,006 Right. Forgetful. 382 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,707 Calling in fake orders? 383 00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:02,976 Making us waste food and lose money. 384 00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:03,810 (chuckles nervously) 385 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,312 (telephone rings) 386 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,680 Cattleman's Ranch To-Go. MAN: Yes, hello. 387 00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:10,884 I'd like to place an order for a To-Go To Stay. 388 00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:13,420 Oh, you would, would you? 389 00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:14,922 It's for my T-ball team. 390 00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,224 They're what you'd call "big boys." 391 00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:18,691 (chuckles) 392 00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,928 Well, I've got my pen right here. 393 00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,495 I'm ready when you are. 394 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,331 We'll take 20 double cheeseburgers... 395 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,265 Mm-hmm. 396 00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:26,833 ...15 hot dogs... Yep. 397 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,568 ...15 chili fries... Yeah. 398 00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:31,939 ...and all the ice cream sundaes you got. Sounds good. 399 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:34,341 I know it's you, Mitch! 400 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,875 (gruffly) "T-ball burgers." 401 00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:38,946 Nice try, okay? Nice try. 402 00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,313 It's not me. I'm right here. 403 00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,750 I think you just blew a huge order. 404 00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:46,453 ** 405 00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:50,123 (sighs) Louis, your staff is -- 406 00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:52,792 Hey, honey. How was your day? 407 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:54,361 How was your drive home? 408 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,363 Did they fill in that pothole over on 5th Avenue? 409 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,364 I sure hope so. 410 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,966 What's going on? 411 00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,300 Nothing. I'm just happy. 412 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,701 (laughs) 413 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,204 Hey, how's To-Go going? Is it taking off? 414 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,538 N-- (gasps) 415 00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:06,639 Oh! 416 00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,575 What happened to your cast? 417 00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:10,077 I let the boys cut it off. (chuckles) 418 00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,979 Who says I'm not a fun dad? Oh. 419 00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:13,913 Can you put the blanket back? Wind is hurting my leg. 420 00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:15,282 (chuckles) 421 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,390 (scoffs) What is taking so long? 422 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,592 We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. 423 00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,794 You're still in shock from the pain 424 00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:29,262 if you think this is my fault. 425 00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:32,232 You forced me to spend hours alone with our kids. 426 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:35,102 That doesn't mean you let them cut off your cast. 427 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,970 I had to keep them entertained. 428 00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:39,939 I did my Chris Farley, Grandma was watching a movie. 429 00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:41,274 It was the only choice. 430 00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,276 Where does this end, Louis? 431 00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:46,879 I'm gonna find the doctor. 432 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:51,784 Excuse me. How long until you can see my husband? 433 00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,120 We're pretty backed up. 434 00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:54,621 I'm gonna guess a good six hours. 435 00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:56,323 Six hours? 436 00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:57,657 We don't normally take people 437 00:15:57,690 --> 00:15:59,092 who let their children cut their cast off 438 00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:00,460 because they were afraid of boring them 439 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:02,262 and move them to the top of the list. 440 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,630 Well, he's at least ahead 441 00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,465 of that girl with the stomach thing, right? 442 00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,501 (whining) My stomach! 443 00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:10,370 (scoffs) She's faking. 444 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,472 If you'll excuse me, I have to get back 445 00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:15,042 to the patients with serious, life-and-death problems. 446 00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:19,979 (sighs) 447 00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,881 Where are the boys? 448 00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,483 They were looking bored, 449 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,752 so I panicked and gave them $50 for the vending machine. 450 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:30,490 Listen, Louis. 451 00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:33,160 The doctor was talking about life and death, 452 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,628 and it made me think. 453 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:38,131 We've never had the talk, 454 00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,866 if something were to happen to you. 455 00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:41,968 Jessica, I'm only getting my leg re-cast. 456 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,504 I know, I know, but it scared me. 457 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,907 Crazy things happen every day. 458 00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:49,676 One second, you're here, the next... 459 00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:51,244 It could happen at any moment. 460 00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:54,181 I never really thought about it, but I guess that's true. 461 00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:56,683 It's horrible to think about, 462 00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:58,885 but God forbid you should leave us. 463 00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,020 My boys. My family. 464 00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:05,058 And I would be left to manage on my own... 465 00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:08,495 without the ability to fire anyone at the restaurant. 466 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,762 What? 467 00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:12,532 Is -- Is that what -- No! No firings! 468 00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,033 (scoffs) Fine. 469 00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:15,602 Well, if you're not gonna let me fire them, 470 00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:17,070 then you should. 471 00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:19,339 Louis, they're lazy, insubordinate. 472 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:22,442 They don't care about our business. 473 00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:24,277 They're worse than goldfish, Louis. 474 00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:25,778 They're catfish. 475 00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,914 They're the garbagemen of the lake. 476 00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:30,717 Wait. Where are you going? You can't leave me alone. 477 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,620 Spend time with your kids. 478 00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:36,055 (sighs) 479 00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:38,091 (country music plays) 480 00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:40,160 (children's laughter) 481 00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:45,598 The big boys. 482 00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:46,633 They're real. (fork snaps) 483 00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,067 I broke another fork. 484 00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:49,035 New one coming up. 485 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,203 This pepper's out. 486 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,371 I'll refill it right away. 487 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,472 Here you go. 488 00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:55,242 Mitts! 489 00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:56,576 (laughter) 490 00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:57,977 Uh, no problem. I'll clean that up. 491 00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:59,746 Mitch. What's going on? 492 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,281 The T-ball team who called in their to-go order -- 493 00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:03,250 they showed up wanting their food, so we scrambled. 494 00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,585 You could've just told them I never wrote down their order. 495 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,754 Yeah, but it's a huge order for the restaurant. 496 00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,088 Plus, it's our job. 497 00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:10,223 I need you back out there, Mitch. 498 00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:11,624 I'm drowning in cobs! 499 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,562 Excuse me. Are you the coach? 500 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:18,831 I guess. But, hell, they teach me a lot, too. 501 00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:21,000 I'm glad you're enjoying your food. 502 00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:24,003 As you can see, our staff worked really hard for you today, 503 00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:26,273 so it'd be nice if you could leave them a tip. 504 00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:30,477 No. We ordered To-Go To Stay so we wouldn't have to leave a tip. 505 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:32,945 I understand, but this is a huge party. 506 00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:34,681 That's why we're undefeated. 507 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:38,418 Speaking of which, we got to go. We got a game in 10 minutes. 508 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:41,288 Woof down those sundaes, and grab your bats, boys. 509 00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:44,991 (indistinct conversation) 510 00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:48,795 So, they eat like this and then they go play? 511 00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:49,762 To be young, right? 512 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,864 (scoffs) Yeah, right. 513 00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:54,434 -What's this? -It's your tip. 514 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:55,802 But they didn't leave one. 515 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,438 It's on me. To-Go To Stay is done. 516 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,106 Really? 517 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,974 Well, it was my mistake for not taking their order, 518 00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:04,677 and I appreciate you stepping up and doing a good job. 519 00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:07,514 You're not goldfish... 520 00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:09,048 or catfish. 521 00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:11,384 Thank you. 522 00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:13,653 T-T-That's really nice of you to say. 523 00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:16,456 You know, it is customary to tip at least 10%. 524 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,324 Don't push it. 525 00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:20,159 ** 526 00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,897 EDDIE: Sorry we took so long. 527 00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,299 We cleaned out these vending machines, 528 00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,834 so we had to go up to the fourth floor. 529 00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,336 This is actually the sixth floor, 530 00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:31,571 so we went down to the fourth floor. 531 00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:34,374 Congratulations. You win directions. 532 00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:35,542 It's over. 533 00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:37,076 What is? 534 00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:39,178 This whole thing. I'm done. 535 00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:40,513 Your mother's gone. 536 00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:42,081 We're stuck here for another five hours. 537 00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:45,084 I have no cast to cut off, no impressions to do, 538 00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:46,253 no coffee to get. 539 00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:49,322 My leg's broken. I'm a real mess. 540 00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:51,023 (sighs) 541 00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:53,159 I am not a fun dad. 542 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,160 What? 543 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,928 It's all an illusion. 544 00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,230 Every night, I come home, 545 00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:58,865 do two minutes of smoke and mirrors 546 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:01,368 to make you think I'm funny and cool and interesting, 547 00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:05,372 but the truth is, I'm not. 548 00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,774 Okay. 549 00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:09,676 Okay? 550 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,944 Yeah. We're cool with just chilling out. 551 00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:13,780 I mean, we love your energy, 552 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:15,748 but we don't have to do it every night. 553 00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:19,419 Honestly, sometimes it's a bit much. 554 00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,854 My tight-two? You love my tight-two. 555 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,089 Mm... 556 00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:25,858 Sometimes it could be a tight-one. 557 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:29,962 So we can just...sit here? 558 00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:31,964 Yeah. Fine with us. 559 00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:35,602 And you're not gonna get bored? 560 00:20:35,635 --> 00:20:37,136 You don't need me to entertain you? 561 00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:39,205 No. You're our dad. 562 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:40,740 We just like it when you're around. 563 00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:46,546 I'd let you guys eat me. 564 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,114 Thanks, dude. 565 00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:50,717 Guys, your mom would immediately cook and eat us all. 566 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:51,551 Oh. 567 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:53,019 Yeah. Yeah. 568 00:20:57,357 --> 00:20:59,091 (saw whirring) 569 00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:04,664 So happy to have this thing off 570 00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:06,499 (chuckles) Again. DR. MELLANBY: Yep. 571 00:21:06,533 --> 00:21:08,768 Despite the initial setback, 572 00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:12,171 the X-rays show that the leg healed nicely. 573 00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:15,642 Everything looks great, as you can see. 574 00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:16,909 (screams) 575 00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,511 You call this fixed? 576 00:21:18,545 --> 00:21:20,413 Why is it all withered? 577 00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:22,649 The muscle mass will eventually rebuild. 578 00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:25,618 I had a man's leg. This is a baby leg. 579 00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:28,355 I don't want a baby's leg! Where is my leg?! 580 00:21:28,388 --> 00:21:30,990 Doesn't smell like a baby leg.