1
00:00:02,741 --> 00:00:05,135
I am so excited
for book club!

2
00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:07,311
Oh, I've been looking forward
to this for weeks.

3
00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:08,834
Oh, me too.

4
00:00:08,878 --> 00:00:10,314
I haven't seen you
in forever.

5
00:00:10,358 --> 00:00:11,272
I had to
go through your mail

6
00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:12,142
to see
what's going on with you.

7
00:00:13,796 --> 00:00:15,276
That was a joke.

8
00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:17,191
I hope so,
because I'm missing a Redbook.

9
00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:18,453
My mother-in-law's birthday
is coming up,

10
00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:20,194
and I need
those perfume samples.

11
00:00:20,237 --> 00:00:24,285
So, I was thinking about who
I would haunt if I was a ghost,

12
00:00:24,328 --> 00:00:25,547
and I think --

13
00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:27,288
Ohh,
you ladies having wine club?

14
00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:29,116
I would love some.
[laughs]

15
00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:32,336
Tha--
That was my glass.

16
00:00:32,380 --> 00:00:34,295
Oh, uh, we have more of these
bad boys in the kitchen

17
00:00:34,338 --> 00:00:36,166
just to the left
of the fridge.

18
00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:38,429
O...kay.

19
00:00:38,473 --> 00:00:40,344
Um...

20
00:00:40,388 --> 00:00:41,693
Can I...

21
00:00:41,737 --> 00:00:43,130
Or not. Okay.
Yeah, all right.

22
00:00:43,173 --> 00:00:45,610
Cheers.
[chuckles]

23
00:00:46,959 --> 00:00:49,310
Sorry about last night.

24
00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:51,094
I guess
Louis was feeling chatty.

25
00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:51,921
Oh, I thought his idea for
a wide-mouth gas-pump nozzle

26
00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:54,358
-was interesting.
-[chuckles]

27
00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:57,318
Oh, yesterday you were telling
me about who you would haunt.

28
00:00:57,361 --> 00:00:58,754
[gasps] Yes.

29
00:00:58,797 --> 00:00:59,885
Okay, so, you know
that female traffic cop

30
00:00:59,929 --> 00:01:01,974
that's across the street
from the park?

31
00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:03,367
[door opens]LOUIS: Knock, knock!

32
00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:05,282
-With the...
-The kids said you were here,

33
00:01:05,326 --> 00:01:07,980
and I thought you might like
some snacks from the restaurant.

34
00:01:08,024 --> 00:01:09,373
Oh!

35
00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:10,679
See this?

36
00:01:10,722 --> 00:01:12,289
This is about
half the diameter

37
00:01:12,333 --> 00:01:14,291
of that nozzle we were
talking about last night.

38
00:01:14,335 --> 00:01:16,032
Mmm.

39
00:01:20,819 --> 00:01:22,734
Doesn't it feel
a little weird

40
00:01:22,778 --> 00:01:24,475
hiding from your husband
like this?

41
00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:25,955
Here we go.

42
00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:28,044
Louis is great,
but ever since he stopped

43
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,177
staying late
to close the restaurant,

44
00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:32,179
he's just been around
a lot more.

45
00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:35,051
And sometimes
you just want girl time.

46
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,184
Mm-hmm.

47
00:01:37,227 --> 00:01:39,142
So, ghost, haunting, go.

48
00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:42,711
LOUIS: There you are!
[laughs]

49
00:01:42,754 --> 00:01:44,234
Marvin told me
where you two were,

50
00:01:44,278 --> 00:01:47,672
and I felt bad about drinking
all of your wine, so...

51
00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:49,761
Ah. [laughs]

52
00:01:49,805 --> 00:01:51,850
Sorry, chief.
No pocket wine.

53
00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:53,635
How did you get that
past our bouncer?

54
00:01:53,678 --> 00:01:55,332
It wasn't easy.
She's got a meaty frisk.

55
00:01:55,376 --> 00:01:57,160
That's Barb.

56
00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:59,380
If I was a ghost, I would haunt
the female traffic attendant,

57
00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:00,859
which would cause an accident,
creating more ghosts!

58
00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:03,166
Thank you.
That's all I wanted to know.

59
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:06,213
--Captions by VITAC--

60
00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:07,649
♪ Fresh off the boat

61
00:02:07,692 --> 00:02:09,172
♪ I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go ♪

62
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:11,348
♪ If you don't know, homey,
now you know ♪

63
00:02:11,392 --> 00:02:12,958
♪ Fresh off the boat

64
00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:15,047
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪

65
00:02:15,091 --> 00:02:16,614
♪ But I know where I'm goin'

66
00:02:16,658 --> 00:02:18,616
♪ I'm fresh off the boat

67
00:02:21,619 --> 00:02:22,838
Just so we're clear,
once again,

68
00:02:22,881 --> 00:02:25,014
what are
the closing procedures?

69
00:02:25,057 --> 00:02:27,538
Turn off the ovens,
comb the bear,

70
00:02:27,582 --> 00:02:28,887
and make sure I lock the door
afterI leave.

71
00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:31,020
Good. Also, you don't have to
comb the bear.

72
00:02:31,063 --> 00:02:33,631
We'll see.

73
00:02:38,332 --> 00:02:39,811
[sighs]

74
00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:42,466
The one place Louis won't go
after work is work.

75
00:02:42,510 --> 00:02:44,599
[laughs]

76
00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:49,473
Was Louis always so, um,
"present" back in D.C.?

77
00:02:49,517 --> 00:02:51,693
No.
If he had any free time,

78
00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:53,651
he'd just shoot pool
with his buddy Hank.

79
00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:57,002
They would hang out and talk
about whatever guys talk about.

80
00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:57,916
For me, the Pomeranian

81
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,224
is the unsung hero
of the toy dog group.

82
00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:04,445
I'm sorry, are we in a pool hall
or a fool hall,

83
00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:06,229
'cause that is ridiculous.

84
00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:08,013
I don't get it.

85
00:03:08,057 --> 00:03:10,015
It seems like Louis
has tons of friends here.

86
00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:11,495
He's friendly
with a lot of people,

87
00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:13,889
but he doesn't have a close
friend to hang out with.

88
00:03:13,932 --> 00:03:16,239
Maybe if Louis gets back into
playing pool,

89
00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:20,461
then he can find someone not us
to hang out with.

90
00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:20,983
Maybe he just needs
a little nudge.

91
00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:26,597
Surprise!

92
00:03:26,641 --> 00:03:28,077
Black Ball Becky!

93
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,296
Got her out of the garage.

94
00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:30,688
Had her re-tipped for you.

95
00:03:30,732 --> 00:03:33,517
[whistles]
Look at that nub.

96
00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:35,040
Is that a bo staff?

97
00:03:35,084 --> 00:03:37,478
No, son. This is
a different kind of weapon.

98
00:03:37,521 --> 00:03:41,133
A two-piece, low-deflection,
maple-shaft pool cue.

99
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:44,093
Remember how much fun you
used to have playing with Hank?

100
00:03:44,136 --> 00:03:45,573
-Oh, we did have fun.
-Yeah.

101
00:03:45,616 --> 00:03:49,359
You know, they used to call me
"Louie Short Pockets."

102
00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:50,926
Because you were poor?

103
00:03:50,969 --> 00:03:52,928
No.
Because I was accurate.

104
00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:54,669
You should
get back out there.

105
00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:56,105
Oh, I can't.
I'm too busy with work.

106
00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:58,107
Oh, the restaurant
is doing fine on its own.

107
00:03:58,150 --> 00:04:01,284
And you seem to have
more free time.

108
00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:02,894
I don't have anyone
to play with.

109
00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:04,331
Just go down
to the pool hall.

110
00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:06,115
I'm sure
you'll meet somebody there.

111
00:04:06,158 --> 00:04:07,682
Where?
I don't even --

112
00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:09,336
There's Rack n' Roll on Orange,
Cue-Tips on Third,

113
00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:10,859
and downtown there's
Stars and Stripes and Solids,

114
00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:15,211
though the ad in the phone book
said "no foreigners,"

115
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,082
so maybe not that one.

116
00:04:17,126 --> 00:04:18,083
Oh, and there's turn-by-turn
directions on the back.

117
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:19,084
Oh.

118
00:04:19,128 --> 00:04:21,652
[chuckles]

119
00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:22,914
[school bell rings]

120
00:04:25,177 --> 00:04:27,484
All the ladies in here
are fully clothed.

121
00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:29,356
Hey, you see Whitney
in your mailbox,

122
00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:30,879
you grab her and go.

123
00:04:30,922 --> 00:04:32,184
I get it.

124
00:04:32,228 --> 00:04:33,577
She's like
your Mario Van Peebles.

125
00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:34,796
I got to go.

126
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,363
Bye.

127
00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:38,147
You guys hear the news?

128
00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:41,542
Nicole and Hot Chris broke up.

129
00:04:42,717 --> 00:04:43,935
Hasta la vista,baby.

130
00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:46,373
Schwarzenegger?

131
00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:47,548
I've heard that impression
before.

132
00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:50,377
No.
Hasta la vista,baby.

133
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:51,029
Like, for eva.

134
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:55,947
Oh, daaamn!

135
00:04:55,991 --> 00:04:59,342
That's how
he broke up with her?

136
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:01,736
"T-2"? That's cold.

137
00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:05,957
So, Eddie, is it cool
if I take a run at Nicole?

138
00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:08,482
What?
Why are you asking me?

139
00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:09,613
Well, you used to
have a crush on her,

140
00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:10,701
and I wouldn't
want it to be weird.

141
00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:11,833
Yeah, that's
why it'd be weird.

142
00:05:11,876 --> 00:05:15,837
Take your dark cloud
somewhere else, Brian!

143
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,405
Hey, man,
you do your thing.

144
00:05:18,448 --> 00:05:19,928
Me and Nicole
are just friends now.

145
00:05:19,971 --> 00:05:21,016
Nicole: Hey.

146
00:05:21,059 --> 00:05:23,018
You want
these Jerky Boys CDs?

147
00:05:23,061 --> 00:05:25,499
They were dumb-ass Chris'.

148
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:26,587
Sorry you guys broke up.

149
00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:28,545
Yeah. Sorry.

150
00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:30,417
It's fine.
My dad said he liked him,

151
00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:32,375
so I was starting
to lose interest.

152
00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:33,637
You want to sit with us?

153
00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:35,291
Yeah. Sit.

154
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,946
Nah. I'm gonna take a "half
day," if you know what I mean.

155
00:05:37,989 --> 00:05:39,904
Yeah.
Like half a full day.

156
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,168
Maybe we can grab some ice cream
later this week?

157
00:05:43,212 --> 00:05:44,735
-That'd be nice.
-Yes!

158
00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:45,823
Not you, pumpkin head.

159
00:05:48,304 --> 00:05:50,654
The dance begins.

160
00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:52,047
[rock music playing]

161
00:06:05,713 --> 00:06:09,281
"Stay out as late
as you ca-- want.

162
00:06:09,325 --> 00:06:11,545
Jessica.
P.S. We're out of eggs."

163
00:06:11,588 --> 00:06:14,548
♪♪

164
00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:18,769
Hey.

165
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:19,814
You lookin' for a game?

166
00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:21,685
Yeah.

167
00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:22,207
Hey, Tony!

168
00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:23,774
Fresh meat!

169
00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:25,602
They call me
Louie Short Pock--

170
00:06:25,646 --> 00:06:26,777
You win a game,
then you can tell me your name.

171
00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:29,345
Can I tell you her name?

172
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,565
No.
It's Black Ball Becky.
Okay, rack 'em up!

173
00:06:31,869 --> 00:06:35,264
[video game music plays]

174
00:06:35,307 --> 00:06:37,788
So, I was thinking about you
getting ice cream with Nicole.

175
00:06:37,832 --> 00:06:40,487
Won't Alison be mad?

176
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:41,575
Why would she be?

177
00:06:41,618 --> 00:06:43,577
'Cause Nicole's single now.

178
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:45,361
Chicks can't have their men
hanging out with single chicks.

179
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,580
I saw that
on "Maury Povich."

180
00:06:46,623 --> 00:06:48,103
Alison wouldn't care.

181
00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:49,278
She was fine
with Whitney Houston.

182
00:06:49,321 --> 00:06:51,672
First of all,
Whitney's unattainable.

183
00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,587
She's married
to Bobby Brown.

184
00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:56,590
Second, you used to
have a hard crush on Nicole.

185
00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:57,808
Alison
doesn't know about that.

186
00:06:57,852 --> 00:07:00,594
And pause.

187
00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:02,596
You never told Alison
about Nicole?

188
00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:03,074
No.

189
00:07:03,118 --> 00:07:04,859
It just...

190
00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:06,948
I don't know.
It -- It didn't come up.

191
00:07:06,991 --> 00:07:09,341
It didn't...come...up.

192
00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:10,734
[sighs]

193
00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:12,823
Well, you better hope
she doesn't -- Unpause!

194
00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:14,564
You're playing cheap,
dude!

195
00:07:14,608 --> 00:07:17,567
Cheap as the toilet paper
in your house.

196
00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:20,483
For me,
it's Denzel in "Glory."

197
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:22,746
I like a man
with a musket.

198
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:25,532
Gene Hackman
in "Hoosiers."

199
00:07:25,575 --> 00:07:27,142
Mm. What can I say?

200
00:07:27,185 --> 00:07:28,926
I like 'em old and cranky
with a checkered past.

201
00:07:28,970 --> 00:07:32,669
Oh, hey!
How was the pool hall?

202
00:07:32,713 --> 00:07:34,192
Great!

203
00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:35,933
Cheap beer, nonstop Thorogood
on the jukebox,

204
00:07:35,977 --> 00:07:39,415
the smell of Camel Lights
and desperation!

205
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,416
You were smoking?

206
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,200
No, but I was smoked on.

207
00:07:42,244 --> 00:07:43,593
It was great!

208
00:07:43,637 --> 00:07:44,899
Me and Tony held the table
for nine straight games.

209
00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:47,641
No one
wanted to play us anymore,

210
00:07:47,684 --> 00:07:48,642
so we're gonna
hit a new pool hall.

211
00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:50,600
Figured
I'd drop off the eggs.

212
00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:51,906
I also picked us up

213
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:54,386
an "Archie Digest"
for the bathroom.

214
00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:56,737
Jughead starts a business.
[chuckles]

215
00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:58,434
Okay, bye.
Don't wait up!

216
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,088
Hey, we won't.
You boys have fun!

217
00:08:00,131 --> 00:08:02,351
Boys?
No, Tony's a woman.

218
00:08:02,394 --> 00:08:05,876
[door opens, closes]

219
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:10,446
It -- Ah, oh,
I'm just gonna top you off here.

220
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,057
[inhales]
There we go.

221
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,977
Louis is hanging out
with another woman?!

222
00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:22,502
You're overreacting.
It's fine.

223
00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:35,123
[door closes]

224
00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:37,821
It is inappropriate
for an adult

225
00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:40,171
to have a friend
of the opposite sex.

226
00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:41,782
My parents never had that.

227
00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,740
Can you imagine
my mom saying,

228
00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:45,829
"Travis and I
are going to the movies"?

229
00:08:45,873 --> 00:08:47,831
-Who's Travis?
-There is no Travis.

230
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:52,401
-That's the point!
-Jessica, it's the '90s.

231
00:08:52,444 --> 00:08:54,664
It's normal to have friends
of the opposite sex.

232
00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:58,625
In -- In fact, Marvin and I were
friends for months before...

233
00:08:58,668 --> 00:09:00,757
We got to
see this bitch.

234
00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:04,152
[school bell rings]

235
00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:06,676
[children shouting]

236
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,635
I don't get it.
Why don't you just tell Alison

237
00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:09,810
that you used to
have a crush on Nicole?

238
00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:11,768
It's too late.
I should've told her before.

239
00:09:11,812 --> 00:09:14,728
Now it's gonna seem like
I'm hiding something.

240
00:09:14,771 --> 00:09:16,033
What if they
run into each other?

241
00:09:16,077 --> 00:09:17,818
Nicole's in the 8th grade.
That's a different hallway.

242
00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:20,472
Yeah,
what about the cafeteria?

243
00:09:20,516 --> 00:09:21,691
Or the tetherball court?

244
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,693
And let's not forget
a little place called

245
00:09:23,737 --> 00:09:24,738
the girls' bathroom.

246
00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:26,435
I heard
there's a couch in there.

247
00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:28,611
What am I gonna do?!

248
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:30,787
Eddie, look,
all we got to do is --

249
00:09:30,831 --> 00:09:32,702
We gotta
keep 'em separated.

250
00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:37,011
You know, like the song?

251
00:09:37,054 --> 00:09:39,753
Huge song.

252
00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:41,015
Millions sold.

253
00:09:41,058 --> 00:09:44,061
[Alannah Myles' "Black Velvet"
playing]

254
00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:49,066
There she is.

255
00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:57,771
♪ Mississippi in the middle
of a dry spell ♪

256
00:09:57,814 --> 00:10:03,733
♪ Jimmy Rogers
on the Victrola up high ♪

257
00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:07,694
♪ Mama's dancin'
with baby on her shoulder ♪

258
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:11,523
♪♪

259
00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:19,488
♪ The boy could sing,
knew how to move, everything ♪

260
00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:22,360
Okay, so,
she may be attractive,

261
00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:26,321
but everything is sexy
to this song.

262
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:31,282
♪ Black velvet
and that little boy's smile ♪

263
00:10:31,326 --> 00:10:36,244
♪ Black velvet
with that slow Southern style ♪

264
00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:41,249
♪ A new religion
that'll bring ya to your knees ♪

265
00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:44,034
See what I mean --

266
00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:45,775
Hey, Short Pockets.

267
00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:47,298
Hey, Jessica.
What are you doing here?

268
00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:49,300
This must be Tony. Why did
your parents name you that?

269
00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:51,825
That's a man's name.
It's very misleading.

270
00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:54,523
-It's short for Antonia.
-How convenient.

271
00:10:54,566 --> 00:10:56,612
You must be Jessica,
Louis' wife.

272
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:57,787
He's told me
so much about you.

273
00:10:57,831 --> 00:10:59,876
Oh, really?
Did he mention my gender?

274
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,922
Do you just hang around
pool halls hoping to meet men?

275
00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:04,707
No,
I just love playing pool,

276
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:06,361
and most people who play
are men.

277
00:11:06,404 --> 00:11:08,363
It's more like I hang around men
trying to pick up pool halls.

278
00:11:08,406 --> 00:11:10,278
-[laughs]
-[chuckles]

279
00:11:10,321 --> 00:11:12,497
You have no power here,
witch.

280
00:11:12,541 --> 00:11:13,542
Excuse me?

281
00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:14,717
You heard me, demon.

282
00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:17,851
Come on, Louis.
Let's go.

283
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:19,809
Uh, Jessica,
we're in the middle of a game.

284
00:11:19,853 --> 00:11:22,116
If we win, we get
a free basket of chicken wings,

285
00:11:22,159 --> 00:11:25,641
and I made a big show out of
pre-ordering extra ranch.

286
00:11:26,990 --> 00:11:27,861
Oh, it's an emergency.

287
00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:31,560
Mitch locked himself
in the restaurant again.

288
00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:32,213
What? Ugh!

289
00:11:32,256 --> 00:11:34,215
Of course he did.

290
00:11:34,258 --> 00:11:35,869
Oh, I'm a locksmith.

291
00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:36,870
Is there something
I could do to help?

292
00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:38,654
No.
Uh, thank you.

293
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:39,873
We don't need it.

294
00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:41,396
Okay.

295
00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:46,880
Whew, that was tough.

296
00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:48,403
But it worked.

297
00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:50,100
We kept Alison and Nicole apart
all day.

298
00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:51,885
I thought they were gonna talk
in the lunch line.

299
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:52,973
But luckily Trent stepped in
with a distraction.

300
00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:57,107
That's the great thing
about this baby.

301
00:11:57,151 --> 00:11:58,805
I can turn it on and off
at will.

302
00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:01,590
"Trent, it's time for church!"

303
00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:03,157
Oh, yeah?

304
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,985
Thanks for your help,
guys.

305
00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:07,465
Now we just need to keep it up
until Nicole graduates.

306
00:12:07,509 --> 00:12:08,684
Hopefully.

307
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,252
Don't wipe off the rouge yet,
boys.

308
00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:13,733
Looks like
we've got a second show.

309
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,997
-What?
-They're talking right outside.

310
00:12:20,522 --> 00:12:22,480
Oh, no.
They're about to fight!

311
00:12:22,524 --> 00:12:23,960
Alison: Get out of here!

312
00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:26,223
No, seriously,
they were only seven bucks

313
00:12:26,267 --> 00:12:28,051
at Claire's Boutique.
Go ahead and borrow them.

314
00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:31,054
Really? Okay, then here,
I have to return the favor.

315
00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:33,491
Thank you.
I'm so excited to wear them.

316
00:12:33,535 --> 00:12:35,798
What's happening?
Walter, narrate!

317
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:39,367
So, long story short,

318
00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:41,586
you can't make raisin bread
in the microwave.

319
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:42,718
Uh-huh.

320
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,502
So, I was hanging
by the buses today

321
00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:46,461
and I saw you
talking with Nicole.

322
00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:48,811
Oh. Yeah, we met on the couch
in the bathroom.

323
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:52,380
She said she liked my backpack,
and we started talking.

324
00:12:52,423 --> 00:12:53,947
So, uh, no big surprises
or anything?

325
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:55,949
Um...
no big reveals?

326
00:12:55,992 --> 00:12:58,821
No, nothing like that.
She was just really cool.

327
00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:01,998
I totally get
why you had a crush on her.

328
00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:03,957
Whaaaat?

329
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,873
It's cool.
She's badass!

330
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:09,092
Wait, so you're not mad?

331
00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:11,051
Fart no!
You and I are good.

332
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:13,880
Besides, that was before
we even knew each other.

333
00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:14,968
We don't care about
old crushes.

334
00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:16,056
[sighs]
Of course we don't!

335
00:13:16,099 --> 00:13:18,449
That's what I'm sayin'.

336
00:13:18,493 --> 00:13:20,538
It's like how you don't care
about my old crush on Dave.

337
00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:23,063
Dave who?

338
00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:25,282
Dave.
Your best friend Dave?

339
00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:27,502
I saw him feeding a squirrel
once and thought it was cute.

340
00:13:27,545 --> 00:13:30,026
Alison's dad:
Alison! Chili bar's ready!

341
00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:32,115
You better get those chives
before your brother dives in!

342
00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:33,464
Oh, man, I got to go.

343
00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:34,770
I'll talk to you tomorrow!

344
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,816
[dial tone]

345
00:13:39,122 --> 00:13:41,559
I checked all of
Mitch's hiding spots.

346
00:13:41,603 --> 00:13:42,734
He's nowhere.

347
00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:44,998
Although he obviously
combed the bear.

348
00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:47,565
He left a pick
in its haunches.

349
00:13:47,609 --> 00:13:50,873
Okay, I lied about Mitch to
get you out of that pool hall.

350
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:55,051
What? You're the one who told me
to go there in the first place!

351
00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:57,097
Yes, because I thought you were
going to meet a guyfriend!

352
00:13:57,140 --> 00:14:00,535
So I can't be friends
with a woman?

353
00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:02,754
That's ridiculous.
I'm around women all day here.

354
00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:03,712
That's different.

355
00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:06,106
That's during the day,
at work.

356
00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:09,500
So I can never be around a woman
outside of work?

357
00:14:09,544 --> 00:14:11,241
That's not what I'm saying.

358
00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:13,026
That would be crazy.

359
00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:16,246
All I am saying is if you're
going to hang out with a woman,

360
00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:18,988
it has to be
when the sun is up.

361
00:14:19,032 --> 00:14:20,947
And she can't be
taller than me.

362
00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:23,166
Or younger than me.
Or weigh less than me.

363
00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:25,125
Or look like
she weighs less than me.

364
00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:26,996
Also,
you can't share food.

365
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:32,132
Okay, I guess if you're stranded
and you have to share food,

366
00:14:32,175 --> 00:14:35,004
then clear soups
or broths only.

367
00:14:35,048 --> 00:14:37,789
And you will display
your wedding band

368
00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:40,401
close to your face
at all times.

369
00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:44,144
Photos of your children
must be present

370
00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:47,060
if they themselves
cannot be.

371
00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:50,498
If she happens to touch you,
even if by accident,

372
00:14:50,541 --> 00:14:54,197
you will excuse yourself
and call me immediately.

373
00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:58,201
If she has smoky eye makeup,
that is bad.

374
00:14:58,245 --> 00:14:59,986
If she has a lazy eye,
that's good.

375
00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:03,946
Jessica...You must always travel
in separate vehicles.

376
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:07,950
Going back, lazy eye is out.
It encourages eye contact.

377
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:11,606
And she must never
have ever been

378
00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:14,348
or even wanted to be
a gymnast.

379
00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:17,220
Oh, and this goes without
saying, but no Denzel movies.

380
00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:21,572
I have no interest in Tony
other than playing pool.

381
00:15:21,616 --> 00:15:25,185
That's how it starts, though,
that connection.

382
00:15:25,228 --> 00:15:27,317
I've fallen asleep
during enough Meg Ryan movies.

383
00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:28,492
So what do you
want me to do, then?

384
00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:30,233
You want me to give up pool?
Is that it?

385
00:15:30,277 --> 00:15:32,322
I want you to get
a different partner.

386
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:34,150
Who do you suggest?

387
00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:36,848
[ZZ Top's "La Grange" playing]

388
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:39,068
♪ I'm ready for that

389
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,204
♪ A-haw, haw, haw, haw

390
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:46,467
♪ A-haw, haw, haw, haw

391
00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:49,209
♪ Well, I hear it's fine

392
00:15:49,252 --> 00:15:50,079
♪ If you've got --

393
00:15:50,123 --> 00:15:51,037
Need to see I.D.

394
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,169
Oh, sure.
It's just in my purse.

395
00:15:53,213 --> 00:15:55,998
♪ Well, I hear it's fine

396
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:59,175
♪ If you've got the time

397
00:15:59,219 --> 00:16:04,267
♪ And the ten
to get yourself in ♪

398
00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:06,139
♪ Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm

399
00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:12,797
What do I do?

400
00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:15,931
Just lean in
and aim for the white ball.

401
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,978
♪♪

402
00:16:20,153 --> 00:16:21,806
Oh!

403
00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:24,070
I can't move
in these leather pants.

404
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:25,941
It's like two snakes
are eating my legs.

405
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,161
Well, at least you had me
run out to the car

406
00:16:28,204 --> 00:16:30,902
and get your emergency Keds
from the trunk.

407
00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:33,470
No spare tire,
but eight pairs of Keds.

408
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:36,604
Rematch!

409
00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:38,084
No. We have to wait
to play again.

410
00:16:38,127 --> 00:16:41,130
There are four stacks of
quarters ahead of us, so...

411
00:16:41,174 --> 00:16:43,089
Hey,
who took my quarters?

412
00:16:43,132 --> 00:16:45,134
I thought
they were for the jukebox.

413
00:16:45,178 --> 00:16:46,266
[Amy Grant's "Baby, Baby"
playing]

414
00:16:46,309 --> 00:16:47,049
Hey,
who put this crap on?

415
00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:49,095
He'll come around.

416
00:16:49,138 --> 00:16:51,488
Amy Grant
works from the inside out.

417
00:16:51,532 --> 00:16:55,579
♪ To love you
with the sweetest devotion ♪

418
00:16:59,366 --> 00:17:01,629
What do you guys know
about Dave?

419
00:17:01,672 --> 00:17:02,891
What do you mean?
We hang out with him every day.

420
00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:05,067
No, I mean,
what do we really know?

421
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,330
Can we trust him?

422
00:17:07,374 --> 00:17:09,289
He fed my cat for a week
when we went skiing.

423
00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:11,856
Like that deadbeat-dad angle
he always plays up --

424
00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:12,901
How do we know
it's even real?

425
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:14,685
Anyone can cry
on Father's Day.

426
00:17:18,298 --> 00:17:20,256
Trent, you better
pick up my homework,

427
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:21,997
'cause
I'm about to get suspended.

428
00:17:24,217 --> 00:17:25,174
Hey.
Am I interrupting?

429
00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:26,958
I was just telling Alison
about how --

430
00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:30,353
You had that thing for Jasmine
from "Aladdin"?

431
00:17:30,397 --> 00:17:32,181
Hey,
I told you that in private!

432
00:17:32,225 --> 00:17:33,704
I just think
she's symmetrical.

433
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:34,966
You know, I don't think
this is a good idea,

434
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:36,881
you two hanging out.

435
00:17:36,925 --> 00:17:38,927
-Why not?
-Eddie.

436
00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:39,884
Fun fact, Alison --
That squirrel you saw Dave pet?

437
00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:42,191
It actually bit him,

438
00:17:42,235 --> 00:17:43,888
and he's been trying
to trap it ever since.

439
00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:46,239
That's what
this whole thing is.

440
00:17:47,414 --> 00:17:49,503
Too bad you didn't make
a Dad trap, huh, Dave?

441
00:17:49,546 --> 00:17:52,549
Now who's playing cheap,
man?

442
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:57,250
That was really mean,
Eddie.

443
00:17:57,293 --> 00:17:59,252
Dave didn't do anything
to you.

444
00:17:59,295 --> 00:17:59,991
He's your best friend.

445
00:18:03,212 --> 00:18:05,388
Hey, Eddie, are we still on
for ice cream tomorrow?

446
00:18:05,432 --> 00:18:06,607
Um...

447
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:09,131
You freaked out
about Dave,

448
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:11,002
but it's okay
for you guys to hang out?

449
00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:14,223
Hey, Nicole,
cute sweater.

450
00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:16,225
Thanks, girl.

451
00:18:21,012 --> 00:18:23,145
Ned,
what are you doing here?

452
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:24,320
I stay here.

453
00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:27,541
Ned knows drama.

454
00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:29,760
♪ Baby, baby, I'm taken...

455
00:18:29,804 --> 00:18:31,762
How many times
did you play this song?

456
00:18:31,806 --> 00:18:33,242
They love it
at the Denim Turtle.

457
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:34,461
Listen,
why don't we just go?

458
00:18:34,504 --> 00:18:37,333
No, you want to play pool,
let's play pool.

459
00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:37,855
[sighs]

460
00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:40,162
Okay.

461
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:41,424
Hit the ball
at the triangle

462
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:43,470
and sink as many balls
as you can.

463
00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:48,170
[pool balls clack]

464
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:49,737
And that means we lost.

465
00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:50,999
Now we have to wait again.

466
00:18:51,042 --> 00:18:53,828
Pool is so boring.
It's so much standing around.

467
00:18:53,871 --> 00:18:55,656
It's worse than baseball.

468
00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:58,615
Well, there's usually some good
conversation to pass the time.

469
00:18:58,659 --> 00:19:00,051
Like what?

470
00:19:00,095 --> 00:19:02,010
What was so fun that
you and Tony talked about?

471
00:19:02,053 --> 00:19:05,056
Hey, pretend
I'm your pool buddy Jess.

472
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:08,103
See? Nobody can tell
my gender, either.

473
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:11,019
All right, we were debating
who'd win in a fight --

474
00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:13,326
a Cabbage Patch Kid
possessed by a demon

475
00:19:13,369 --> 00:19:15,371
or Teddy Ruxpin
with a Metallica tape in him.

476
00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:17,112
Teddy Ruxpin? Is that
the little guy from "Twins"?

477
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,419
-No.
-What was the fight about?

478
00:19:19,462 --> 00:19:21,769
Was it a money issue?
Most fights are.

479
00:19:21,812 --> 00:19:23,336
I don't know.
They're just fighting.

480
00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:25,773
This is what you talk about?
It's so dumb.

481
00:19:25,816 --> 00:19:27,253
That's the point!
We talk about whatever.

482
00:19:27,296 --> 00:19:28,471
Like when you and Honey
hang out.

483
00:19:28,515 --> 00:19:31,909
Honey and I do not talk about
dumb things.

484
00:19:31,953 --> 00:19:35,217
We talk about who we would haunt
if we were ghosts

485
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:37,872
or which vegetable
would make the best weapon,

486
00:19:37,915 --> 00:19:41,223
or we talk about if one of us
turned into an animal,

487
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:42,442
how would we get
the other one's attention --

488
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:45,445
You know what?
I get it. I see your point.

489
00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:51,015
Louis. [sighs]

490
00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:53,235
I was almost not right.

491
00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:56,282
I shouldn't keep you
from talking to somebody

492
00:19:56,325 --> 00:19:58,240
about dumb things.

493
00:19:58,284 --> 00:20:00,242
I don't want to be
that person.

494
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:01,678
You mean
the "wet blanket" wife?

495
00:20:01,722 --> 00:20:04,507
No, I mean the person
you talk to about dumb things.

496
00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:06,030
[chuckles]

497
00:20:06,074 --> 00:20:08,729
You have nothing
to worry about.

498
00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:09,773
Trust me.

499
00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:13,299
I do.

500
00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:15,039
So it's okay
if I play pool with her?

501
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:17,390
Yes.

502
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:18,391
Mm.

503
00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:19,696
I just have one request.

504
00:20:21,568 --> 00:20:24,658
[up-tempo song plays]

505
00:20:24,701 --> 00:20:26,312
Choco Taco?

506
00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:29,097
I thought you were getting
ice cream with Nicole.

507
00:20:31,317 --> 00:20:33,275
I wanted to say sorry
about before.

508
00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:35,059
Alison told me she used to
have a crush on you,

509
00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:36,626
and I got jealous.

510
00:20:36,670 --> 00:20:38,106
Wait. Alison used to
have a crush on me?

511
00:20:38,149 --> 00:20:40,326
You're a good dude.

512
00:20:40,891 --> 00:20:44,852
Anyways, I just went nuts,
and I can't explain it.

513
00:20:44,895 --> 00:20:48,072
I guess I still can't believe
Alison really likes me.

514
00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:50,597
I can.
You're a good dude, too.

515
00:20:52,468 --> 00:20:53,861
Maybe one day
you and Alison

516
00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:55,732
and me and Jasmine
could double-date.

517
00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:57,299
I'd like that.

518
00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:08,789
Well, I mean, it really depends

519
00:21:08,832 --> 00:21:10,443
what Metallica tape
we're talking about,

520
00:21:10,486 --> 00:21:12,706
"Master of Puppets"
or "Ride the Lightning"?

521
00:21:12,749 --> 00:21:14,185
"Master of Puppets,"
obviously.

522
00:21:14,229 --> 00:21:14,795
I mean,
he is a talking bear.

523
00:21:14,838 --> 00:21:17,537
[laughs]

524
00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:18,668
Hey!

525
00:21:18,712 --> 00:21:20,322
No touching.

526
00:21:20,366 --> 00:21:21,018
You know Jessica's rules.

527
00:21:21,062 --> 00:21:22,759
Right.

528
00:21:22,803 --> 00:21:24,718
Sorry. Uh...

529
00:21:24,761 --> 00:21:25,806
Your shot, Tony.

530
00:21:25,849 --> 00:21:28,374
Thank you.
[clears throat]

531
00:21:28,417 --> 00:21:30,332
[pool balls clack]