1 00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,007 The baby's coming out! 2 00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:08,309 It's -- it's a big one! 3 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,511 Eddie, stop pretending to be pregnant. 4 00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,047 I'm an uncle! 5 00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,715 (gasps) It's a boy! 6 00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:19,253 Oh, my God. Louis did it. 7 00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:21,522 He's raising his own veal. 8 00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:22,856 (computer beeps) Nope. 9 00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,525 I accidentally went in a store 10 00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:26,360 that looked like it sold ice cream 11 00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:28,729 and got us our first family Internet computer! 12 00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,064 Is it better than my brother-in-law's? 13 00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:31,265 It is better than your brother-in-law's. 14 00:00:31,299 --> 00:00:32,933 Do a search for Biggie lyrics. 15 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,702 No, look up where rainbows end. 16 00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:35,836 Hold on. 17 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,105 Before we touch the computer, 18 00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:38,572 we need to take this course first. 19 00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:40,108 It's called "Mavis Beacon's Introduction --" 20 00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:41,575 (keyboard clacking, monitor beeps) 21 00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:44,245 I just did a search for Cattleman's Ranch. 22 00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:45,879 How did you do that? (mouse clicks) 23 00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:48,048 Just type in a word, or Lycos it, 24 00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:51,219 and if it's anywhere on the Internet, it'll come up. 25 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:52,686 Oh, look, we're mentioned 26 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,456 on a restaurant-review site called Phil's Phaves! 27 00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:59,460 ( happy music plays ) 28 00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,295 It's a beautiful design. 29 00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:03,531 (mouse clicks) Uh-oh. 30 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,966 They give out letter grades to all the restaurants. 31 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:07,067 Dad's got a... 32 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:08,536 B-minus?! 33 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,639 BOTH: That's a Chinese "F." 34 00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,775 -- Captions by VITA -- 35 00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:16,277 * Fresh off the boat 36 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:17,978 * I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go * 37 00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:19,780 * If you don't know, homey, now you know * 38 00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,415 * Fresh off the boat 39 00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:23,751 * Homey, you don't know where I come from * 40 00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,253 * But I know where I'm goin' 41 00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:27,921 * I'm fresh off the boat 42 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:29,957 I don't understand. 43 00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:32,226 How could Cattleman's get a B-minus? 44 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:35,129 Well, dad, maybe if you applied yourself, 45 00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:37,097 your grades would be higher. 46 00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:38,832 JESSICA: Boys, this is serious. 47 00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:41,935 Why don't the dancing babies like our restaurant? 48 00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:43,003 (mouse clicks) 49 00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:44,438 According to the review, 50 00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:45,839 this Phil guy thought the food was okay, 51 00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:47,308 but the ambiance was a bit dull. 52 00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:49,477 Dull? Dull? 53 00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:51,445 As in boring? Repetitive? 54 00:01:51,479 --> 00:01:53,247 Dull? That's impossible. 55 00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:55,649 I make sure Cattleman's is the funnest restaurant in town! 56 00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:57,418 At least it's only on the Internet. 57 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:58,752 It's not somewhere important 58 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,454 like a newspaper or shopping bag. 59 00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,456 I mean, how many people could've seen it? 60 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:05,493 (mouse clicks) According to the counter, 149. 61 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:06,627 (gasps) What?! 62 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,329 Our reputation is at stake. 63 00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:09,930 Evan, write the Internet. 64 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,166 Tell them to take that grade down! 65 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:13,801 It's not that easy, 66 00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,670 but there is a button to contact the webmaster. 67 00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:18,005 Yes. Do that. Okay. 68 00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:19,473 Ask Phil to give us another chance. 69 00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:21,309 Like the real cattlemen of the old west, 70 00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:23,644 we need to defend our restaurant against enemy attack. 71 00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:24,612 (monitor beeps) 72 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,146 According to this, 73 00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:27,981 most cattlemen were killed by poor sanitation. 74 00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:30,551 No more computer for today! 75 00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,386 (bell rings, indistinct conversations) 76 00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:35,323 "Liquid Swords" might be the best solo Wu-Tang album ever. 77 00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:38,025 You think it's better than ODB's solo album? 78 00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:41,795 Well, better than the clean for sure, not the dirty. 79 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,897 That's 'cause they don't call him Ol' Clean Bastard. 80 00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:46,166 WOMAN: Alison, get your butt in gear! 81 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,569 The longer you wait, the faster I have to drive, 82 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,738 and you know that we don't have seatbelts! 83 00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:53,574 I wish I could keep rapping with you, girl. 84 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:54,642 Why don't you give me a call? 85 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,143 On the phone? 86 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,578 (chuckling) Of course, silly. 87 00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,046 My number's easy to remember. 88 00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:01,649 It's 407-555-CORN. 89 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,084 I figured it out one day. 90 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:07,755 Hi, Eddie. (sighs) 91 00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:09,890 Hi, Reba. 92 00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,892 I told a joke during morning announcements 93 00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,327 that I thought you would like. 94 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:14,262 Did you hear it? 95 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:18,098 Good morning, students. 96 00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:22,603 Quick question -- What kind of bees give milk? 97 00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:23,937 Boo-bees. (boobies) 98 00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:25,339 MAN: Reba! 99 00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:27,408 Just announce that P.E. is indoors today! 100 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:28,742 Sorry. I missed it. 101 00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:30,578 I like that you went there, though. 102 00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:35,015 Um, is that my face on your trapper keeper? 103 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,350 Yep. 104 00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:38,018 You know I have a girlfriend, right? 105 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,020 Alison. I know. 106 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,855 I call next. 107 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,257 Right. 108 00:03:43,291 --> 00:03:46,260 See you, Reba. 109 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:49,930 I hate to see him go, but I love to watch his butt. 110 00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:57,137 Are you still on the computer? 111 00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,573 I want to work on my keyboarding. 112 00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:02,142 We need to monitor how many people are seeing 113 00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:03,944 this stain on our reputation. 114 00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:06,113 Luckily, it's holding steady at 149. 115 00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,548 You wouldn't be able to tell 116 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,149 unless you hit the refresh button. 117 00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:10,584 Refresh button? 118 00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:11,952 (mouse clicks) 119 00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:13,421 (both scream) 120 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:14,755 It went up to 154! 121 00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:17,057 Oh, what if one of my enemies saw it? 122 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,592 Or Pete Sampras? 123 00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:21,429 Have you checked your e-mail to see if they wrote back? 124 00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:24,465 Mail? At this time of night? 125 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:27,067 (mouse clicks) 126 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,769 You've got mail. 127 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,838 Well, of course it's a white guy. 128 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,272 Phil wrote back. (mouse clicks) 129 00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:34,642 He says he'll give us another chance. 130 00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:37,645 He's coming back to the restaurant on Wednesday. 131 00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,680 Okay, this is our shot at redemption. 132 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,782 We need to make sure Cattleman's Ranch 133 00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:43,584 is funner than it's ever been -- 134 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:47,355 even if it means replacing every "C" with a backward "K." 135 00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:51,825 Four... (beep) 136 00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:54,061 (groans) 137 00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:58,298 Hello. (groans) 138 00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,800 'Sup? (groans) 139 00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:06,374 (dialing) 555-C-O-R-N. 140 00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:08,509 (ringing) 141 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:09,477 (sighs) 142 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:10,978 Hello? 143 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,646 Hello. Who's this? Dad? 144 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:13,614 Sweetie? 145 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,516 (dialing) 146 00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:18,118 Hello? Is someone on the phone? 147 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,487 Hello. Who's this? 148 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,321 This is Louis Huang. Who's this? 149 00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:22,390 This is Gary Olsen. 150 00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:24,024 Gary Olsen? (grunts) 151 00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,859 That was a disaster. 152 00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:27,695 I know. I was listening. 153 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:30,030 I hate talking on the phone. 154 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:33,667 She can't see me, and I'm like 80% body language. 155 00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:36,036 She doesn't know if I'm like, "What's happening?" 156 00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:37,838 Or if I'm like, "What's happening?" 157 00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,106 So, what are you gonna do? 158 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:44,412 MAN: (echoing) Yeah. I'm gonna make her a dope-ass mixtape! 159 00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:46,079 It'll do the talking for me! 160 00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:48,315 That's a great idea, Eddie. 161 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,552 (The Dove Shack's "Summertime in the LBC" plays) 162 00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,857 Yo, girl. 163 00:05:56,890 --> 00:06:00,093 This is your boy, E-Money -- Notorious E.I.G. -- 164 00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:02,329 E to the M.C.-squared. 165 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,398 What's up, physics? 166 00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:05,766 For the next 90 minutes, 167 00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:07,601 I'm gonna make you an audio love nest, 168 00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:10,337 'Cause, girl, if you're feeling this... 169 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:13,774 * Let me hear you say oooooh-ooh * 170 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:16,910 * Ahhhhhhh-ahh * 171 00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:20,614 * Summertime in the LBC * 172 00:06:20,648 --> 00:06:23,383 LOUIS: (chuckles) Look at these fun hens 173 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:26,386 just sitting here, sunglasses on, ready for the beach. 174 00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:28,422 Festive hens, new staff uniforms, 175 00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:30,858 googly eyes on the toothpick dispenser -- 176 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,360 no way Phil can call us dull. 177 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,562 (chuckles) 178 00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,296 Uh, Mitch? Yeah? 179 00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,732 Your new comically small hat isn't askew enough. 180 00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:42,436 It's supposed to be sitting on your head at a jaunty angle. 181 00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:43,671 That angle is not jaunty. 182 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:45,906 Jauntier. 183 00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,141 Jauntier. 184 00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:51,311 Jaunty. Hey, hey. 185 00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:53,481 BOY: Hello? 186 00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:55,148 Down here. 187 00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:01,288 Phillip Goldstein, what are you doing here? 188 00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:02,923 I have a reservation. 189 00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:06,193 It's under Phil -- as in "Phil's Phaves." 190 00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:08,829 And I would like to sit 191 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:12,032 as far away from the bear as possible. 192 00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:22,676 Phillip Goldstein, 193 00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:24,344 the Chinese-Jewish boy who abandoned our son 194 00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:25,946 at the Beastie Boys concert. 195 00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:28,415 I sleep well at night, if that's your next question. 196 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,784 Of course you sleep well. You're a child! 197 00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,486 I thought Phil was an adult. 198 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:35,355 Probably because my writing style is straightforward 199 00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:37,024 and concise, like a man's. 200 00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,793 Well, whatever our differences, 201 00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:42,095 it is a relief to find out it's you, 202 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:44,464 just like you're finding out that this is our restaurant. 203 00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,333 So you can go ahead and change your review. 204 00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:47,768 Why would I do that? 205 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,804 Well, you know... 206 00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:54,842 Ju jia ren. 207 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,545 I actually don't understand Chinese, 208 00:07:57,578 --> 00:08:00,147 but I do understand good service. 209 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,383 Do I have to seat myself? 210 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,155 More iced tea? 211 00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,323 No, thank you. Okay. 212 00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:12,726 Um, that crayon looks stubby. Here. 213 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,562 Let me get you some fresh points. 214 00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:15,996 No, those are fine! 215 00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:18,699 Are you enjoying your "Khikken" nuggets? 216 00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,033 We changed all the C's to K's. 217 00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:22,135 It's just a little fun thing we do. 218 00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,004 Oh, I thought that was a typo. 219 00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:26,006 (sighs) This is ridiculous. 220 00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:28,308 He's just gonna give us a bad review anyway. 221 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,744 I would never let our personal history color my review. 222 00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:32,079 Oh. Mm. 223 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,682 That said, I'm bumping you down to a C-plus. 224 00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:37,050 A C-plus?! Did you see the sunglasses on the hens? 225 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,653 I didn't, because your staff was surrounding me 226 00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:43,256 at every moment -- refilling my mug, taking my crayons. 227 00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:45,325 It was a nightmare! 228 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:48,028 Nuggets were good, though. 229 00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,531 And that's why I say that Marky Mark 230 00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:53,767 is the nucleus of the funky bunch. 231 00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:55,102 Huh? 232 00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:57,037 I made you something. 233 00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:59,673 You did? What is it? After class. 234 00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,742 All right, now to turn our attention 235 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:04,377 from the subatomic world to the state-mandated, 236 00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:06,914 although not state-funded, unit on dissection. 237 00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,782 Namely... 238 00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:09,850 Rocks? 239 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,284 No. Oysters. 240 00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:12,853 (kids murmur) Unfortunately, it wasn't 241 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,421 until I got to the supermarket 242 00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:16,056 that I realized how expensive these suckers are, 243 00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:18,058 so we're gonna have to pair off two to an oyster. 244 00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:19,927 MAN: ( echoing ) Yeah. 245 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,195 Like Marky Mark, let's do the unexpected. 246 00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,097 Alison, you can partner with Ned. 247 00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:25,398 Eddie, you're with Reba. 248 00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:28,869 ( echoing ) No. 249 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,605 You're in my station. 250 00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:38,612 Hi, Eddie. This is gonna be fun. 251 00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:39,780 For who? 252 00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:41,248 I understand. 253 00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:44,451 You're too gentle to dissect a living creature. 254 00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:47,287 But lucky for us, I don't give an "elf." 255 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,323 I'll fill out your dissection journal for you. 256 00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:56,463 All right. Let's see what's under the hood. 257 00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:03,403 Cattleman's Ranch is our livelihood. 258 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,672 So you can understand our concern 259 00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,640 when we found your son's website. 260 00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:07,975 Oh, I do understand. 261 00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:10,443 I am so sorry about Phillip's review. 262 00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,412 (sighs) Great. So you'll take it down? 263 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,281 Oh, no, I can't do that. 264 00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:16,583 Phillip's father and I have been teaching him 265 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,085 about journalistic integrity 266 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,821 from our years working at Mother Jones. 267 00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:24,491 Miteh, haust du gizane mana-- 268 00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:25,693 Oy. 269 00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:28,762 Oh, now, Phillip, don't be rude. 270 00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:30,931 No Yiddish in front of the goyim. 271 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:34,501 Only one Chinese boy can tarnish the Huang family name, 272 00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:35,703 and that's Eddie. 273 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,705 Please take down your website! 274 00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:40,273 I can't do that. It's called integrity, madam. 275 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,142 But I just want you -- W-we understand. 276 00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,344 Thanks for hearing us out. We'll be on our way. 277 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,348 May I just use your restroom first? 278 00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:52,319 I didn't really go to the bathroom. 279 00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:53,520 Is that their computer mouse? 280 00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:54,888 Yes. 281 00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:57,190 I've crippled his access to the Internet. 282 00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:58,291 I've shut him down. 283 00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,527 You're a genius. 284 00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:03,496 (telephone rings) 285 00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,833 EMERY: Eddie, it's for you! 286 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:08,168 (singsong voice) It's a girl! 287 00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:12,840 Alison? 288 00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:14,507 Don't worry. It's not her. 289 00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,076 Reba? 290 00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:19,412 I got your mixtape, and I love you, too! 291 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:21,414 (dial tone) 292 00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:30,858 EVAN: Oh, Da-a-mn. 293 00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:32,192 Evan?! 294 00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:33,326 No. 295 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,561 (line clicks) 296 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,200 Reba? Egg-salad Reba? 297 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,702 Why don't you just tell her the mixtape wasn't for her? 298 00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:44,171 I tried. 299 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:47,440 Reba, I made that mixtape for Alison, not for you. 300 00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:48,776 I understand. 301 00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:50,177 You're unhappy in your relationship, 302 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,411 and you don't know how to get out. 303 00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:52,612 I'll talk to Alison for you. 304 00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:55,248 No! I mean, I'll do it. 305 00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:57,751 Like what Sisters With Voices said on your mixtape, 306 00:11:57,785 --> 00:12:01,955 * 'Cause my heart starts beatin' triple time * 307 00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:05,525 * With thoughts of lovin' you on my mind * 308 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,527 You put Sisters With Voices on there? 309 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,196 It's a good-ass song. 310 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,430 ( microphone feedback ) 311 00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,132 Reba: Good morning, students! 312 00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:13,867 To the mix master supreme 313 00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:16,636 who taught me the way to a woman's heart 314 00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:18,371 is through her ear holes. 315 00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:19,873 Hi, Eddie! 316 00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:22,976 A big shoutout to my new boyfriend -- 317 00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:25,078 (fire alarm blaring) 318 00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:29,049 Tell the firemen I know how busy they are and I'm sorry! 319 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:32,986 I don't understand. How did Phillip update it? 320 00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:35,655 EVAN: Taking his mouse doesn't make his website disappear. 321 00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:37,991 But he has no way to control the little hand. 322 00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:39,259 There's only one thing to do. 323 00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:40,660 Evan, I'm extending your bedtime. 324 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:41,995 But why?! 325 00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:44,697 I need you to make me a website. 326 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:47,667 (mouse clicks) 327 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:54,441 I can't believe 328 00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:58,678 www.phillipgoldsteinhas badopinions.com wasn't taken. 329 00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:00,914 Our luck is finally turning around. 330 00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:02,850 I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this. 331 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,152 Why not? Phillip rates our restaurant. 332 00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,186 We rate Phillip. 333 00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:07,955 Personality -- "F." 334 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:09,122 Wardrobe -- "F." 335 00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:10,858 Table manners -- "C." 336 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:15,128 He used his salad fork properly. 337 00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:16,429 Grudging respect. 338 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:17,530 Mm. 339 00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:19,166 This is like teasing someone 340 00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:20,433 but on the computer. 341 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:21,601 It's like we're -- 342 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,270 E-vigilantes, 343 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,472 because we're dishing out justice 344 00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:26,874 and clearing our name. 345 00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:28,876 If Trent hadn't pulled that fire alarm, 346 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:31,178 Alison would think I had a honey on the side. 347 00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:32,880 This Reba girl's out of control. 348 00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:35,182 Eddie, you can clear this whole thing up 349 00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:36,516 if you just call Alison. 350 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,718 No. Not gonna happen. 351 00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:41,721 I need to look my woman in the eye like a snake charmer. 352 00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:43,290 So what are you gonna do? 353 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:46,626 (exhales slowly) 354 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,828 if a good mixtape can make Reba think I love her, 355 00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,630 then a bad mixtape can scare her away! 356 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,399 I'm a genius! 357 00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:53,666 Emery, get out. 358 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,335 You're in my room. 359 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:56,503 Oh. 360 00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:03,977 Hey. 361 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,579 I got all the lamest CDs from my dad's collection -- 362 00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:08,882 Alvin and the Chipmunks, Alvin's solo album, 363 00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,984 the soundtrack from the movie "Arthur." 364 00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:13,887 Oh, thanks. These are perfect, Nicole. 365 00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:15,422 Weird choices for a mixtape. 366 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:17,857 Well, it's kind of an anti-mixtape. 367 00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,492 Oh, a nixtape. Been there. 368 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,394 You trying to get rid of Alison? 369 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,530 No. Alison is dope. It's this other girl. 370 00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,132 You know, it's a long story. 371 00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:27,767 So, how's What's-his-name? 372 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,336 Hot Chris? He's hot. 373 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,071 He did this Forrest Gump impression the other day. 374 00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:32,439 It was hilarious. 375 00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,174 (as Forrest Gump) Lieutenant Dan, 376 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,110 I got you ice cream. 377 00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:40,948 Well, I better get going. 378 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:44,217 For the record, you never made me a mixtape. 379 00:14:57,630 --> 00:15:00,767 (Frank Stallone's "Walk Away" plays) 380 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,736 * Walk away * 381 00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:07,640 * Or should I stay with that moody girl * 382 00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:10,410 * She's down on love * 383 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,980 (groaning) 384 00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:18,418 * Moody giiiirl tonight * 385 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,255 No sign of him yet? 386 00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:23,390 He'll show. 387 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,725 Hello, Mr. And Mrs. Huang. 388 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,228 Well, how did you get in here? 389 00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,762 Through the kitchen. 390 00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:32,399 In keeping with your barn theme, the door was open. 391 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,567 It's a ranch! 392 00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,803 I want you to take down 393 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:38,905 Phillipgoldsteinhasbadopinions .com. 394 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,307 what's that? 395 00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,909 I have no idea what you're talking about. 396 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,445 Maybe one of Cattleman's loyal customers made it 397 00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,514 after you slandered us on the Internet. 398 00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:48,748 But who knows? 399 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,583 Maybe if you take down your bad review, 400 00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,252 that site will magically disappear. 401 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,954 Obviously you don't understand how magic works. 402 00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:55,989 Oh, and you do? 403 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:03,130 He just carries those around? 404 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,265 I keep underestimating him. 405 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:06,533 (bell rings) 406 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,368 (sighs) I have some bad news. 407 00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:11,338 Apparently a cat got into the storage room last night 408 00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:13,440 and ate up all the oyster cadavers. 409 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:16,009 So, project complete. 410 00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:16,943 Yes! 411 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,211 Hey, Reba, 412 00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:19,512 I made you a new mixtape. 413 00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:21,848 So prolific. 414 00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:23,450 You're like the Stephen King of love. 415 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,318 Eddie! 416 00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:26,786 Is there something you want to share 417 00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:27,820 with the rest of the class? 418 00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:32,992 "Da Real Me"? 419 00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:34,661 It's a tape. Huh. 420 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,129 I guess there's no way of knowing -- 421 00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:37,697 you cou put it in the tape deck 422 00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:39,832 you used to teach us about the Doppler effect. 423 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,836 That's a very good idea, Ned. 424 00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:45,372 Let's do that. 425 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,042 ( Enigma's "Return to Innocence" plays ) 426 00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:51,144 EDDIE: Yo, Reba... Reba?! 427 00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:54,047 ...this is what I listen to when I clean my ears. 428 00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:54,981 (laughter) 429 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,316 Ew. 430 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,719 Enigma, get the wax out. 431 00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,989 Thank you for coming to this emergency parent meeting. 432 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,924 Unfortunately, there's a new threat 433 00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,659 targeting our students 434 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:09,929 in our libraries, on our desktops, 435 00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:11,531 in our homes. 436 00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:14,867 It's called... compu-teasing. 437 00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:15,935 (crowd murmurs) 438 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:18,271 Uh-oh. 439 00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:20,507 Compu-teasing -- what's that? 440 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,709 It's like a crank call, but on a computer, 441 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,444 and anyone can listen in. 442 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:28,481 And sadly, one of our students has already fallen victim. 443 00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,553 He's still into drama. 444 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:40,360 My name is Phillip Goldstein. 445 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:43,730 I used to enjoy posting restaurant reviews 446 00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,598 on my Internet website. 447 00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:49,236 But ever since I found a page compu-teasing me, 448 00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:52,038 I've been too scared to use my computer. 449 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,573 (audience murmurs sympathetically) 450 00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:56,543 You're doing great, Phillip. 451 00:17:56,576 --> 00:18:01,047 I have my suspicions about who's behind the teasing, 452 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,317 but without proof, I won't accuse anyone. 453 00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:07,086 They can insult me all they want, 454 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:10,223 but I won't let them take my integrity. 455 00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:11,558 (applause) 456 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,293 That makes me love him even more. 457 00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,728 That makes me want to kill whoever's hurting him. 458 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:16,729 Officer Bryson? 459 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,598 He called the cops? 460 00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:25,572 The Orlando Police Department takes every threat seriously. 461 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,974 So we've created the city's first 462 00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:31,611 cyber-crime division, headed up by Peter. 463 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,813 (slurps) 464 00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:36,449 With Peter's help, we will track down 465 00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:39,786 Phillip's compu-teasers and bring them to justice. 466 00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:42,855 Rest assured, we will not stop. 467 00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:44,824 They're just trying to scare us. 468 00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:46,926 They got nothing. They got nothing. 469 00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,361 According to our research, 470 00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:50,530 the website was made on a Gateway computer. 471 00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,499 He bought it! He bought the computer! 472 00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:53,833 Uh, what? No! 473 00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,435 It was her idea to do the website. 474 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,770 Wait. Are you saying you're the compu-teasers? 475 00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,707 No. We're e-vigilantes. 476 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,275 (crowd murmuring) 477 00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:04,211 he said Cattleman's Ranch was dull. 478 00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:05,945 You know me. You a know me. 479 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,014 I am fun. I am fun, damn it! 480 00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:10,950 (crowd boos) 481 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:13,386 Great work, Peter. 482 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:15,688 (slurps) 483 00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:21,160 Hey, Eddie. 484 00:19:21,194 --> 00:19:23,363 You okay? I heard what happened. 485 00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:24,797 My life is ruined. 486 00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:27,667 I'll be lucky if Alison ever speaks to me again. 487 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,169 Eddie, just talk to her. 488 00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:31,704 Just call her. 489 00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:38,144 (dialing) 490 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,347 (sighs) 491 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:41,180 (ringing) 492 00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:42,682 (telephone rings) 493 00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:43,850 Hello? 494 00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:46,319 Hi, Reba. It's me, Eddie. 495 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:48,888 Look, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. 496 00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:50,557 You embarrassed yourself. 497 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:53,526 Trying to discourage me with some cornball mixtape. 498 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,662 I know I come on a little strong, 499 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:56,763 but you know what? 500 00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:58,164 That's who I am. 501 00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,699 And if you can't handle that, 502 00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:00,933 we're never gonna work. 503 00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:02,369 Find yourself, boy. 504 00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:04,437 (dial tone) 505 00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:07,340 Reba. 506 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:08,375 (dialing) 507 00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:11,043 (telephone rings) 508 00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:12,412 Hello? 509 00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:13,780 Hey, Alison. It's Eddie. 510 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:14,781 Don't hang up. 511 00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:16,549 I'm...sorry. 512 00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,050 This whole thing happened 513 00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:20,553 because I was too afraid to talk to you on the phone. 514 00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:23,055 I mean, Eddie, nothing you say is gonna -- 515 00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:24,357 ( 2Pac's "I Ain't Mad At Cha" plays ) 516 00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:26,192 Eddie. 517 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,594 And that's why I'm doing 518 00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:30,196 this special live apology mix, just for you. 519 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,299 And, girl, I'm hoping you'll say... 520 00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:36,035 * I ain't mad at cha * 521 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,204 This isn't gonna make... 522 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,808 * I ain't mad at cha 523 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,242 * I ain't mad at cha * 524 00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:44,377 * I ain't mad at cha * 525 00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:47,079 * I ain't mad at cha * 526 00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:48,715 * I ain't mad at cha * 527 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,383 * I ain't mad at cha * 528 00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:54,387 * I ain't mad at you 529 00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:56,423 Kid can make a mixtape. 530 00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:05,498 The hell? 531 00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:07,166 Where's the computer?! 532 00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:09,436 We put it away after being publicly shamed 533 00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,338 in front of Eddie's entire school. 534 00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,072 We won't have time for it anyway, 535 00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,842 what with the 100 hours of community service we have to do. 536 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,744 You'll sign me in, right? 537 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,779 But you just spent all that money on it. 538 00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:22,014 Well, the good thing about computers is they last forever. 539 00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:23,516 We'll hook it back up in a few years 540 00:21:23,550 --> 00:21:25,452 when you boys are older. Once the heat dies down. 541 00:21:25,485 --> 00:21:28,087 But I just enrolled in the University of Phoenix. 542 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,990 I'm minoring in nursing!