1 00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:04,738 [ UPBEAT CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYS ] 2 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:15,649 Jessica: YOU'RE A GOOD SINGER, MRS. SHELMERDINE. 3 00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:19,387 IN FACT...PROMOTION. 4 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:22,523 YOU CAN TAKE THAT SHAKY ALTO TO THE MINES, NURSE WATKINS. 5 00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,560 OOH, JESSICA TOWN IS LOOKING GREAT. [ SQUEALS ] 6 00:00:26,594 --> 00:00:28,196 [ CHUCKLES ] 7 00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:30,831 EXCEPT I HATE SEEING THAT EMPTY HOLE EVERY YEAR. 8 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,067 CAN'T BELIEVE INSTEAD OF A BAKERY, 9 00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:35,002 I ACCIDENTALLY BOUGHT TWO BOOKSHOPS. 10 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,437 NOW THEY'RE IN COMPETITION. 11 00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:42,610 I'LL NEVER STOP TRYING TO HUNT DOWN 12 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,512 THAT DICKENS VILLAGE "WHITE HORSE BAKERY," 13 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,580 ITEM NUMBER 5926-9. 14 00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:48,349 IT'S MY WHITE WHALE. 15 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,850 IS THAT FROM "MOBY DICK"? 16 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,119 I FEEL LIKE THAT'S ONE OF THOSE BOOKS 17 00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:52,353 EVERYBODY SAYS THEY'VE READ, 18 00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:53,621 BUT NOBODY'S ACTUALLY READ IT. 19 00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,089 YOU NEVER READ "MOBY DICK"? 20 00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:56,524 IT'S AN AMAZING STORY. 21 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,093 NO, I KNOW. I READ IT. 22 00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:01,795 I SEE YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED YOUR VIEWS ON SANTA. 23 00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:03,964 WELL, THERE'S ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT. 24 00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:05,766 HE FLIES AROUND THE GLOBE IN ONE NIGHT 25 00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:07,368 TO GIVE THE WHOLE WORLD PRESENTS. 26 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:08,469 WHAT'S THERE TO IMPROVE? [ SIGHS ] 27 00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:10,538 HE HAS NO HIGHER DEGREE. 28 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,072 IF YOU BREAK IT DOWN, 29 00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:14,975 HE'S EITHER A TOY MAKER OR A GLORIFIED DELIVERYMAN. 30 00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:17,111 EITHER WAY, HE'S LABOR, NOT MANAGEMENT. 31 00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:19,880 LOOK HOW LONG IT TOOK HIM TO PROMOTE RUDOLPH. 32 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,482 CLEARLY NOT GOOD AT SPOTTING TALENT. 33 00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:23,217 AND AT HIS WEIGHT, 34 00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:25,986 HE SHOULDN'T BE EATING MILK AND COOKIES AT EVERY SINGLE HOUSE. 35 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:28,122 NO, HE SHOULD JUST PACK HIMSELF 36 00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:30,324 A LITTLE BAG OF ALMONDS AND A PEAR. 37 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,762 IRISH MAYOR. 38 00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,797 [ Chuckling ] ALWAYS DRINKING. 39 00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:37,998 [ BOTH CHUCKLE ] 40 00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:40,601 -- Captions by VITAC -- 41 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:41,802 * FRESH OFF THE BOAT 42 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,437 * I'M GETTIN' MINE EVERYWHERE I GO * 43 00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:45,606 * IF YOU DON'T KNOW, HOMEY, NOW YOU KNOW * 44 00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:46,940 * FRESH OFF THE BOAT 45 00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:49,243 * HOMEY, YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I COME FROM * 46 00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:50,911 * BUT I KNOW WHERE I'M GOIN' 47 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,581 * I'M FRESH OFF THE BOAT 48 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,983 [ CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYS ] 49 00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:06,960 [ SPEAKING CHINESE ] 50 00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:16,036 THIS IS MY NEW VERSION OF EDDIE'S PIMP WALK. 51 00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:19,473 I CALL IT JAZZ WALK. 52 00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:21,375 NO. THIS IS JAZZ WALK. 53 00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:30,518 [ CHUCKLES ] 54 00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:31,819 I TOOK INTRO TO BOB FOSSE 55 00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,153 AS AN ELECTIVE SOPHOMORE YEAR. 56 00:02:33,187 --> 00:02:34,688 YOU DID? I SURE DID. 57 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,790 OH, OKAY. 58 00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,326 LOUIS, I DID IT. 59 00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:39,560 I IMPROVED SANTA. 60 00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,829 WHAT DO YOU MEAN "IMPROVED"? 61 00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:44,732 DAD, DID YOU KNOW SANTA WAS AN AERONAUTICAL ENGINEER 62 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,500 AND AN ACCOMPLISHED SCIENTIST? 63 00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:47,801 OH, REALLY? 64 00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:49,169 I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST A JOLLY GUY 65 00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:50,471 WHO COMES AT CHRISTMAS. 66 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,906 HE IS, BUT HE ALSO WENT TO PRINCETON. 67 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,042 MOM SAID HE STUDIED EVERY NIGHT 68 00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:56,810 AND DIDN'T WASTE TIME ON GIRLS OR BEER. 69 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:59,647 HE PREFERS FOR PEOPLE TO FOCUS ON HIS CHARITY WORK, 70 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,682 BUT THE MONEY HE MADE FROM SCIENCE 71 00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,817 IS WHAT PAYS FOR ALL THE TOYS. 72 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,253 IT MAKES SENSE. 73 00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:07,321 HE MUST KNOW PHYSICS TO BUILD A FLYING SLEIGH. 74 00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:11,091 AND IF HE OWNS THE PATENT, HE MUST BE M.C. HAMMER RICH! 75 00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:14,027 OR MAYBE IT'S JUST A PART OF THE CHRISTMAS MAGIC! 76 00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:17,164 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 77 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,699 WHAT AREN'T I DOING? 78 00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:20,668 [ SIGHS ] YOU SHOULDN'T MESS WITH TRADITION. 79 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,603 WHY'D YOU HAVE TO "IMPROVE SANTA" ALL OF A SUDDEN? 80 00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,405 BECAUSE, LOUIS. 81 00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:27,508 EVAN DESERVES FOR SANTA TO BE THE BEST. 82 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,543 WE'VE GOT THE CATTLEMAN'S RANCH BREAKFAST WITH SANTA 83 00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,044 AT THE RESTAURANT TOMORROW. 84 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:32,280 WHAT HAPPENS IF EVAN ASKS HIM 85 00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:34,014 A BUNCH OF MATH AND SCIENCE QUESTIONS? 86 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,183 JUST TELL WHOEVER'S PLAYING SANTA 87 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,752 TO BRUSH UP ON THEIR ALGEBRA, PHYSICS, AND BASIC TRIG. 88 00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:40,454 MITCH IS PLAYING SANTA. 89 00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:42,790 CAN WE SPLIT THE CHECK, PLEASE? 90 00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,124 SURE. 91 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,929 WE NEED TO FIND A NEW SANTA. 92 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,964 OKAY, WELL, WE NEED AN OLDER WHITE GUY 93 00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,400 WITH AN ADVANCED DEGREE 94 00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:54,568 WHO ENJOYS CHILDREN SITTING IN HIS LAP. 95 00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,873 I'D LOVE TO PLAY SANTA. [ GASPS ] 96 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,241 [ LAUGHTER ] 97 00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:02,943 OH, AND I CAN DO HIS MAKEUP! 98 00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,612 I INTERNED AS A MAKEUP ARTIST 99 00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:07,047 FOR THE TRAVELING TOUR OF "CATS." AHH. 100 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,482 WAS THAT THE SUMMER YOU WERE A LESBIAN? 101 00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:11,485 GOOD MEMORY! BUT NO. 102 00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:12,886 NO, IT WAS THE PREVIOUS SUMMER, 103 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,488 WHEN I MET THAT WOMAN WHO OWNED THE CRANBERRY BOG. 104 00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:15,723 OH, RIGHT. 105 00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,057 MM. RIGHT. 106 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,293 ANYWAY, IT'D BE AN HONOR TO PLAY SANTA. 107 00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:20,761 [ LAUGHS ] OH, GREAT! 108 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,363 IT'S GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN! YEAH. 109 00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:27,100 NOW, THIS BINDER CONTAINS EQUATIONS THAT SUPPORT THE MATH 110 00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:29,136 OF SANTA'S TRANSCONTINENTAL ONE-DAY FLIGHT. 111 00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:31,605 AND TH BINDER CONTAINS THE COMPLETE HISTORY 112 00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:34,308 OF SANTA AND EVAN'S INTERACTIONS OVER THE PAST FIVE YEARS. 113 00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:35,343 OH. 114 00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:37,010 I KNOW IT'S A LOT, BUT EVAN'S SMART. 115 00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:38,846 UH, WELL, HE'S MET HIS MATCH. 116 00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:41,682 I MEAN, YOU DON'T GET TO BE ONE OF ORLANDO'S TOP 100 DENTISTS 117 00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:43,250 BY NOT BEING SMART. 118 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,852 OH, WHAT NUMBER IN THE TOP 100 ARE YOU? 119 00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:46,787 I HAVE IT ALL UNDER CONTROL. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 120 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,757 [ LAUGHS ] 121 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:53,026 I WONDER WHAT LORRAINE IS UP TO. [ CHUCKLES ] 122 00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:55,829 ISN'T IT FUNNY HOW PEOPLE JUST COME INTO YOUR LIFE, AND... 123 00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,065 YEAH. ...THEN GO? 124 00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:03,103 Eddie: WHAT'S THIS NOISE? 125 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,505 MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR MOM. 126 00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:06,674 IT'S AN EXACT REPLICA OF THE "WHITE HORSE BAKERY" 127 00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,709 THAT'S MISSING FROM JESSICA TOWN. 128 00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:12,446 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA GET MOM FOR CHRISTMAS? 129 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:13,781 I DON'T KNOW. 130 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,449 WELL, WHEN ARE YOU GONNA FIGURE IT OUT? 131 00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:16,884 I DON'T KNOW. 132 00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:19,186 THOUGHTFUL PRESENTS ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED. 133 00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,822 REMEMBER LAST YEAR WHEN I WROTE THAT HISTORICAL NOVEL 134 00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,857 BASED ON GRANDMA'S LIFE, "A PEARL FOR GOD"? 135 00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:25,158 SHE LOVED IT. 136 00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:26,560 DID SHE, THOUGH? 137 00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:27,461 GRANDMA! 138 00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:28,562 Grandma Huang: WHAT? 139 00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:30,731 YOU GOT TO COME HERE! 140 00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:36,404 WHAT DID EMERY GET YOU LAST YEAR FOR CHRISTMAS? 141 00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:39,740 THE HISTORICAL NOVEL. 142 00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,409 [ SPEAKING CHINESE ] 143 00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,316 WHAT? 144 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,884 AND WHAT DID I GET YOU? 145 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,021 [ SPEAKING CHINESE ] 146 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,229 ** 147 00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,201 WE WISH YOU A MERRY BREAKFAST! 148 00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:10,103 EAT UP AND COME MEET SANTA! [ CHUCKLES ] 149 00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:12,105 OH, TRY OUR PEPPERMINT CORNBREAD! 150 00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:14,675 SOUNDS GROSS, BUT TASTES... 151 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:15,943 FRESHENS YOUR BREATH! 152 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,581 I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK TO SANTA ABOUT SCIENCE AND MATH! 153 00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:23,016 GREAT, BUT DON'T ASK SANTA TOO MANY QUESTIONS. 154 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,552 HE'S A BUSY MAN. 155 00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,954 HE HAS ENOUGH TIME TO SPEND TWO HOURS EVERY NIGHT 156 00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,256 TALKING TO HIS MOTHER OVER TEA. 157 00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:31,224 SHE WILL ALWAYS BE HIS FAVORITE WOMAN. 158 00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:35,696 Eddie: WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HANDS? 159 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,766 I BURNT MY FINGERS USING THE HOT-GLUE GUN ON MOM'S PRESENT. 160 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:41,068 WE HAVE A HOT-GLUE GUN? 161 00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:43,270 WHY HAVEN'T WE GLUED EVAN TO THE WALL YET? 162 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,073 OKAY, GUYS! 163 00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:48,776 I JUST GOT WORD THAT SANTA HAS ARRIVED! 164 00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:50,143 [ SQUEALS ] 165 00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:52,112 HO, HO, HO, HO, HO! 166 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,881 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 167 00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,282 SANTA! 168 00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,984 COME, WE HAVE SO MUCH TO DISCUSS! 169 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,151 [ LAUGHS ] 170 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:03,824 ** 171 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,325 SO, TO CALCULATE LIFT, 172 00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:07,928 IT'S COEFFICIENT TIMES DENSITY TIMES THE VELOCITY SQUARED 173 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,230 TIMES THE AREA OF THE WING DIVIDED BY TWO. 174 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,733 AND THAT'S FACTORING IN RUDOLPH'S BODY WEIGHT? 175 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,267 ABSOLUTELY. 176 00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:16,303 WE WOULDN'T WANT TO FLY TOO LOW 177 00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:18,005 AND CLIP OFF THE CHIMNEY TOPS. 178 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,307 [ CHUCKLES ] HEAVEN FORBID! 179 00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:21,308 [ LAUGHS ] 180 00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:23,343 MARVIN REALLY LOOKS LIKE SANTA. 181 00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:25,412 IS THAT A PROSTHETIC NOSE? 182 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,015 YEP. IT'S THE SAME ONE I USED ON SKIMBLESHANKS. 183 00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:30,250 THAT MEANS NOTHING TO ME. 184 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:34,187 [ GASPS ] ANYWAY, I KNOW IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS YET, BUT... 185 00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:37,625 I FOUND YOU THE PERFECT GIFT, AND I COULDN'T WAIT. 186 00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,793 [ GASPS ] OH! 187 00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:41,128 THE BAKERY?! 188 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,030 WHAT THE MARY? [ LAUGHS ] 189 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,197 HOW DID YOU GET THIS?! 190 00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:45,666 OH, MARVIN'S FIRST WIFE 191 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:47,535 LEFT A BOX OF CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS IN THE GARAGE, 192 00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,102 AND THIS WAS IN THERE. 193 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,038 AND SOME COCAINE. 194 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,940 LIKE I SAID, THERE WERE SOME PROBLEMS BEFORE I CAME ALONG. 195 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,608 I LOVE IT! YAY! 196 00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:55,776 OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH! [ GIGGLES ] 197 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:56,844 YOU'RE WELCOME. 198 00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:57,945 SANTA WAS GREAT! 199 00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,312 HE'S SO SMART, AND -- 200 00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,815 HO, HO, HO! 201 00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:03,383 HO, HO-- 202 00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:05,052 NO! 203 00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:06,554 WHO THE HELL IS THAT? 204 00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,388 I'M SANTA! 205 00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:13,894 WAIT. IF THIS SANTA'S MITCH, THEN WHO'S THAT SANTA? 206 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,270 [ CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYS ] 207 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:29,042 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 208 00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:33,881 WHAT'S GOING ON? 209 00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:36,750 [ SIGHS ] 210 00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:39,319 YOU KNOW WHAT, EVAN? IT'S TIME YOU KNOW THE TRUTH. 211 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,153 JESSICA... 212 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,322 HE'S FIGURED IT OUT, LOUIS. 213 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,357 WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO COME CLEAN. 214 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,427 EVAN, WE'VE BEEN LYING TO YOU. 215 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,530 THIS SANTA IS MITCH. 216 00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:52,532 AND LOOK. 217 00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,134 THIS SANTA IS MARVIN. [ CHUCKLES ] 218 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,204 BOTH OF THESE SANTAS ARE FAKE 219 00:08:57,237 --> 00:09:00,107 BECAUSE THE REAL SANTA... 220 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,341 IS CHINESE. 221 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,776 WHAT? WHAT? 222 00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:04,612 SANTA'S CHINESE? 223 00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,179 YES! 224 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:09,583 WHY DO YOU THINK ALL THE TOYS HE DELIVERS SAY "MADE IN CHINA"? 225 00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:10,584 RIGHT, LOUIS? 226 00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:12,953 UH, RIGHT. RIGHT. 227 00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,387 [ STAMMERING ] 228 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,924 HOW ABOUT HOW SANTA WEARS A RED SUIT? 229 00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:19,426 NOTHING MORE CHINESE THAN THE COLOR RED. 230 00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:21,361 I'VE NEVER SEEN A CHINESE SANTA. 231 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,563 OH! O-OH, OF COURSE YOU HAVEN'T. 232 00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:26,700 REAL SANTA DOESN'T HAVE THE TIME TO BE STANDING AROUND 233 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,636 RINGING A BELL ON EVERY STREET CORNER. 234 00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:30,370 THEN WHY ALL THE WHITE SANTAS? 235 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:33,040 UH, WELL, REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST OPENED CATTLEMAN'S 236 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,976 AND HIRED MITCH TO BE THE WHITE FACE OF THE RESTAURANT? 237 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:38,145 CHINESE SANTA'S DOING THE SAME THING. 238 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:42,616 AH, ALL THOSE WHITE SANTAS ARE JUST CHINESE SANTA'S MITCHES. 239 00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:44,718 OH. 240 00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:47,587 NEVER KNEW THIS. [ CHUCKLES ] 241 00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:51,324 I CAN'T BELIEVE HONEY GOT MOM THE BAKERY. 242 00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:53,060 CHRISTMAS IS DAYS AWAY, AND I'VE GOT NOTHING. 243 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,594 AH, YES. 244 00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:56,897 THIS IS A POSITION I'VE BEEN IN MANY TIMES. 245 00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,966 IF I DON'T COME UP WITH SOMETHING FOR MOM, 246 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,701 IT'D BE WEIRD TO GIVE DAD HIS PRESENT. 247 00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:04,004 OOH! IS THAT MADE OF CHOCOLATE? 248 00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:05,338 WHAT AM I GONNA DO? 249 00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,107 THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO. 250 00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,942 I GOT YOU. 251 00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:09,943 YOU READY? 252 00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,178 YOU'RE GONNA... 253 00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:12,312 LET IT RIDE! 254 00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:15,148 WHAT? 255 00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:16,817 I SAID... "LET IT RIDE!" 256 00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:19,452 WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 257 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:20,620 YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING, 258 00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:22,823 AND THEN SOMEHOW IT JUST WORKS ITSELF OUT. 259 00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:24,792 THE BEST ACTION IS INACTION. 260 00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,326 IT'S ONE OF NEWTON'S LAWS. 261 00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:27,160 NO, IT'S NOT. 262 00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:28,495 AGREE TO DISAGREE. 263 00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:29,763 [ SIGHS ] 264 00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:33,033 OKAY, READY TO GO TO EVAN'S HOLIDAY PAGEANT? 265 00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:34,668 OOH, ARE THOSE ZONGZI? 266 00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:36,469 UH! THESE ARE FOR CHINESE SANTA. 267 00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:38,438 THEY'RE FILLED WITH PROTEINS AND MUNG BEAN 268 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,340 BECAUSE SANTA IS TRAINING FOR A HALF MARATHON. 269 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,309 ALL RIGHT. 270 00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:45,145 I ONLY WENT ALONG WITH YOU AT CATTLEMAN'S BECAUSE OF EVAN, 271 00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,014 BUT YOU'VE GOT TO STOP FIXING SANTA. 272 00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:49,382 I'M DONE. SANTA'S FIXED. 273 00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:51,151 I MADE HIM THE BEST. 274 00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:53,754 I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT SANTA. 275 00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:56,924 IT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE! 276 00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,293 SMART ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THE SCIENCE OF FLIGHT, 277 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,395 YET SMALL ENOUGH TO FIT DOWN A CHIMNEY? 278 00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:03,864 THAT DUDE CHINESE. 279 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:09,136 ** 280 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,403 BOOM. 281 00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:12,072 WHAT'S THIS? 282 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,842 IT'S A POEM I WROTE FOR MOM THAT WE CAN SAY IS FROM BOTH OF US. 283 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:18,245 "DEAR MAMA, PLACE NO ONE ABOVE YA. 284 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:21,248 SWEET LADY, YOU ARE APPRECIATED. 285 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,083 DON'T YA KNOW WE LOVE YA?" 286 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,417 THIS IS PRETTY GOOD. 287 00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:25,585 I KNOW. 288 00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,654 BUT SOME OF THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. 289 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:31,725 LIKE, WHY'D YOU SAY, "EVEN AS A CRACK FIEND, MAMA, 290 00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,593 YOU ALWAYS WAS A BLACK QUEEN, MAMA"? 291 00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,929 IT'S POETRY, MAN. DON'T BE SO LITERAL. 292 00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:38,031 I DO HAVE A LOGICAL BRAIN. 293 00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:40,200 THAT'S WHY I COULD NEVER ENJOY NURSERY RHYMES, 294 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:41,902 LIKE THREE PIGS LIVE IN A HOUSE, 295 00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:45,038 AN OLD WOMAN LIVES IN A SHOE, BEARS EAT PORRIDGE -- 296 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:46,706 IT'S SILLY IS WHAT IT IS! 297 00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:49,576 I LIKE THIS INTENSITY, EMERY. 298 00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:52,212 WE SHOULD CHANNEL THIS INTO SOMETHING MORE POSITIVE. 299 00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:55,682 ** 300 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,550 THAT'S AWESOME! MOM'S GONNA LOVE IT. 301 00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:59,887 HEY, I'M GONNA GO GET A SODA. 302 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,521 YOU'RE NOT COMING BACK, ARE YOU? 303 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,156 NOPE. 304 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,726 [ APPLAUSE ] 305 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,562 WELCOME, 3rd-GRADE STUDENTS AND PARENTS. 306 00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:11,464 AS YOU KNOW, EVERY YEAR, 307 00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:14,034 OUR FACULTY LIKES TO PUT ON A HOLIDAY SHOW 308 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,937 AS A THANK-YOU FOR YOUR HARD WORK AND DEDICATION. 309 00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:19,072 [ APPLAUSE ] WHOO! 310 00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:23,210 IN OUR PAST SHOWS, WE'VE HAD VISITS FROM SANTA, RUDOLPH, 311 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,146 AND LITTLE-PEOPLE ELVES, WHO, WITH GUSTO, 312 00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,515 THREW THEMSELVES INTO THE CROWD TO BE PASSED AROUND. 313 00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:35,388 HOWEVER, A NEW STATE LAW WAS JUST PASSED 314 00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,324 CALLED "KATHY'S RULE," 315 00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:40,593 WHICH PROHIBITS ANY RELIGIOUS, SPIRITUAL, 316 00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:45,232 OR GENDER-Y CONNOTATIONS IN STATE-FUNDED CHILDREN'S THEATER. 317 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:50,770 SO THIS YEAR, PLEASE WELCOME THE PAN-CULTURAL SEASONAL ENTITY. 318 00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:55,342 I RESPECT YOU! 319 00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:59,179 [ AUDIENCE MURMURING ] 320 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,848 WHERE'S SANTA? 321 00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:03,083 FIRMLY ROOTED IN CHRISTIAN TRADITION, 322 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,585 UNLIKE PANNY HERE, WHO IS ALL THINGS 323 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,521 BECAUSE IT IS NOTHING. 324 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:12,125 BUT IT'S CHRISTMAS. THERE SHOULD BE SANTA. 325 00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:13,660 [ AUDIENCE MURMURS IN AGREEMENT ] 326 00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:15,162 SANTA'S THE BEST. 327 00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:18,165 [ APPLAUSE ] 328 00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:20,533 HE'S KIND AND GENEROUS AND CARING. 329 00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,469 HE SURE IS. THAT'S RIGHT. 330 00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,705 AND HE'S CHINESE! 331 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,642 [ AUDIENCE MURMURING ] 332 00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:36,183 WHO WANTS TO SEE PANNY DANCE? 333 00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:44,657 ** 334 00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,493 [ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] 335 00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:48,161 SANTA IS NOT CHINESE! 336 00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:49,897 YES, HE IS! 337 00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,231 THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE! 338 00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,133 OKAY, EVERYBODY CALM DOWN! 339 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:54,734 STOP YELLING AT CHILDREN! 340 00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:57,170 AND WHY CAN'T SANTA BE CHINESE? 341 00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:59,806 EVERYBODY'S ON BOARD WITH A FAT MAN FLYING AROUND THE WORLD, 342 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,741 JUST SO LONG AS HE'S WHITE? 343 00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:04,811 SANTA'S NOT FAT! HE'S BIG-BONED! 344 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,915 [ SHOUTING CONTINUES ] 345 00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,883 ** 346 00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:12,852 * DON'T YA KNOW WE LOVE YA, SWEET LADY? * 347 00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:15,488 * DEAR MAMA 348 00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:18,258 * PLACE NO ONE ABOVE YA, SWEET LADY * 349 00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:21,528 * YOU ARE APPRECIATED 350 00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:24,064 * ...ALL THE SWEET THINGS YOU DID FOR ME * 351 00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:26,934 * AND EVEN THOUGH I ACT CRAZY * 352 00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:29,836 * I GOTTA THANK THE LORD THAT YOU MADE ME * 353 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:32,439 EDDIE! * THERE ARE NO WORDS THAT CAN EXPRESS HOW I FEEL * 354 00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:33,740 * YOU NEVER KEPT A SECRET * 355 00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:35,675 * ALWAYS STAYED REAL * 356 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,710 * AND I APPRECIATE HOW YOU RAISED ME * 357 00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:39,679 EDDIE, YOU DIDN'T WRITE A POEM. 358 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,414 YOU PLAGIARIZED A RAP SONG. 359 00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:43,450 I DIDN'T PLAGIARIZE. 360 00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,052 I SAMPLED. 361 00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:47,921 WE CAN'T GIVE MOM 2PAC LYRICS AS HER PRESENT. 362 00:14:47,955 --> 00:14:49,456 CHRISTMAS IS TWO DAYS AWAY. 363 00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:50,323 WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? 364 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,060 DON'T SAY IT. 365 00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:55,095 LET IT RIDE! 366 00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:55,929 NO KICK? 367 00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,731 I'M WEARING UMBROS. 368 00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:00,200 DON'T WANT YOU TO GET AN EYEFUL. 369 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,434 YOU FEEL ME. 370 00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:06,773 WELL, THAT GOT OUT OF HAND FAST. 371 00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:08,475 I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY CHASED THAT GRAY BLOB 372 00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:09,609 THROUGH THE PARKING LOT. 373 00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:11,544 YOU GUYS KNOW ME! I'M PAUL ANDREWS! 374 00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,712 CHRISSY'S FATHER! 375 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,147 CUT HIM OFF! 376 00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,585 EVAN, ARE YOU OKAY? 377 00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:19,719 I'M JUST CONFUSED. 378 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,388 YOU SAID SANTA'S NOT WHITE, 379 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,890 AND EVERYONE AT SCHOOL SAYS HE'S NOT CHINESE. 380 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,325 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE. 381 00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,930 I-I DIDN'T MEAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN. 382 00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:34,901 I JUST -- I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SANTA THE BEST FOR HIM. 383 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,103 I KNOW YOU DID. 384 00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:39,606 I NEED TO FIND A WAY TO MAKE THIS RIGHT. 385 00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:44,477 HONEY, I NEED YOUR HELP. 386 00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:48,881 [ CREAKING ] 387 00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:01,661 [ RUSTLING ] 388 00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,532 SANTA? 389 00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,937 SANTA IS CHINESE! 390 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,739 YES. 391 00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:17,777 BUT YOU'RE A WOMAN. 392 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,979 YES. 393 00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,348 THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE A BEARD? 394 00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,850 THIS IS MOLE HAIR. 395 00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:29,656 IT ALL GROWS OUT OF TWO VERY LUCKY MOLES. 396 00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,791 I'VE NEVER HEARD OF A WOMAN SANTA. 397 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:35,028 YOU THINK A MAN IS THOUGHTFUL ENOUGH 398 00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:38,998 TO GIVE PRESENTS TO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD? 399 00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:42,902 DO YOU THINK A MAN IS ORGANIZED ENOUGH 400 00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:47,740 TO MAKE A LIST OF THE BEHAVIOR OF EVERY SINGLE BOY AND GIRL? 401 00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:52,512 YOU KNOW THOSE STREET SIGNS THAT SAY "MEN AT WORK"? 402 00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:57,150 WOMEN DON'T NEED THOSE BECAUSE IT IS UNDERSTOOD. 403 00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,552 BUT ALL THE SANTAS I EVER SEE ARE WHITE MEN. 404 00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:02,089 THEY ALL WORK FOR ME. 405 00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:05,425 I AM THE WHOLESALER. 406 00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:08,561 THEY ARE MY MIDDLEMEN. 407 00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:11,198 BUT WHY ARE YOU HERE TONIGHT? 408 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:12,599 IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS EVE YET. 409 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:16,603 I COME ON DECEMBER 23rd... 410 00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,571 AND I HIDE THE PRESENTS. 411 00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:22,041 THEN MY WHITE SANTAS COME CHRISTMAS EVE 412 00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:25,044 AND PUT THE PRESENTS OUT UNDER THE TREE. 413 00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:29,516 I ALLOW THEM TO TAKE CREDIT, BUT I AM THE BOSS. 414 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,252 THIS IS WHY I AM CALLED... 415 00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:35,455 LAO BAN SANTA. 416 00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:37,290 BOSS SANTA! 417 00:17:37,324 --> 00:17:38,291 THAT'S RIGHT. 418 00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:40,026 I'D BETTER GO. 419 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:43,430 MY LeBARON IS IDLING IN THE DRIVEWAY. 420 00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:45,398 YOU DRIVE A LeBARON? 421 00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,566 IT'S A LEASE. 422 00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:48,501 BETTER FOR TAX PURPOSES. 423 00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:55,475 YOU MUST PROMISE NEVER TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT ME, 424 00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:58,711 NOT EVEN YOUR BROTHERS. 425 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,080 YOU ARE A SPECIAL SOUL -- 426 00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:06,253 ONE WHO BELIEVES IN MAGIC BUT STILL HAS A SCIENTIFIC MIND. 427 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,987 LIKE ME. 428 00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:10,423 SO YOU ARE A SCIENTIST! 429 00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:11,891 WELL, OF COURSE! 430 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:16,129 I HAVE A J.D., M.D., DDS, PhD, 431 00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:18,598 AND I AM A NOTARY. 432 00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:21,834 REMEMBER -- ALWAYS BE THE BEST. 433 00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:26,139 STUDY HARD AND EAT MORE VEGETABLES. 434 00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:29,108 MY FAT FRIEND J.J. SAYS CANDY IS AMERICA'S VEGETABLE. 435 00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:32,612 MAYBE LESS TIME WITH J.J. 436 00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,514 MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVAN. 437 00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,649 MERRY CHRISTMAS, LAO BAN SANTA. 438 00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:09,782 [ FLOORBOARD CREAKS ] 439 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,784 EVAN? EVERYTHING OKAY? 440 00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,620 [ CHUCKLES ] 441 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,422 EVERYTHING'S GREAT. 442 00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:19,359 [ DOOR CLOSES ] 443 00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:22,462 UH. AAH! AAH! [ MUFFLED SCREAM ] 444 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,397 Shh. I HAVE A LOT TO TELL YOU. 445 00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:31,103 "GUARDING TESS." THANK YOU, EDDIE. 446 00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:34,140 WHY YOU SO NERVOUS, MAN? 447 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,543 BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS MORNING, 448 00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:39,646 AND ALL I HAVE FOR MOM ARE THESE FILM-CANISTER EARRINGS. 449 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,248 THIS IS NOT WHO I AM. 450 00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:42,315 [ BOOMERANG WHOOSHES, GLASS BREAKS ] 451 00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:43,383 OOH! 452 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,053 OH, NO! 453 00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:48,855 IT'S THE BAKERY! 454 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:50,890 MRS. SMITHYMAN THE SHOPKEEPER 455 00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:54,193 WAS JUST GETTING OVER HER HUSBAND'S SUICIDE. 456 00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:55,161 DARK. 457 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,630 DON'T WORRY, MOM. WE GOT YOU. 458 00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:01,534 EMERY MADE IT. 459 00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:03,169 THIS IS AMAZING. 460 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,871 YOU MADE THIS BY YOURSELF? 461 00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,573 YEAH, IT'S PERFECT TO SCALE. 462 00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:10,176 THANK YOU. I LOVE IT. 463 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,611 AND I MADE YOU THESE EARRINGS. 464 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,413 THANK YOU, EDDIE. 465 00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:16,283 I'LL PUT THEM WITH THE PAPERCLIP ANKLET YOU GAVE ME LAST YEAR. 466 00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:21,721 MAYBE THERE IS SOMETHING TO THOUGHTFUL PRESENTS. 467 00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,591 I WAS GONNA SAY MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING TO LETTING IT RIDE. 468 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:26,192 YOU READY? 469 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,695 ONE, TWO, THREE. 470 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,263 LET IT RIDE! HA! 471 00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:34,634 IT'S LIKE I'M KICKING INTO A MIRROR. 472 00:20:35,802 --> 00:20:37,737 WOW, EVAN, LOOK HOW MANY PRESENTS 473 00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:39,706 SANTA LEFT YOU LAST NIGHT. 474 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,140 YES. 475 00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:43,876 SO MANY PRESENTS FROM REGULAR SANTA, 476 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:46,546 WHICH HE BROUGHT IN LAST NIGHT. 477 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:49,416 ** 478 00:20:56,323 --> 00:21:00,293 ** 479 00:21:00,327 --> 00:21:03,162 COME ON. WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS A MILLION TIMES. 480 00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:05,298 EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LAO BAN SANTA 481 00:21:05,332 --> 00:21:06,766 IS RIGHT HERE IN THESE BINDERS. 482 00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:09,436 OKAY, SO HE COMES -- 483 00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:10,337 SHE. 484 00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:12,672 RIGHT. 485 00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:15,575 SHE COMES ON DECEMBER 23rd, THE EVE OF CHRISTMAS EVE... 486 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:16,843 YES. 487 00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:19,111 ...IN A LEASED LeBARON BECAUSE...? 488 00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:20,980 IT'S BETTER FOR HER TAXES. 489 00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:23,850 WELL, WHY DOESN'T SHE JUST BUY A TRUCK AND USE THAT EVERY YEAR? 490 00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,418 WOULDN'T THAT MAKE MORE SENSE? 491 00:21:25,452 --> 00:21:27,286 LOUIS, WHEN A TRADITION HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED, 492 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,522 YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T TRY TO IMPROVE ON IT.