1 00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:03,904 [ SNORING ] 2 00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:06,240 ** 3 00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:08,076 [ GASPS ] WAKE UP! 4 00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:10,744 [ SIGHS ] WHY CAN'T I HAVE A NORMAL ALARM CLOCK? 5 00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:14,082 YOU HAVE ONE. AND THESE BATTERIES NEVER DIE. 6 00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:18,419 * LIKE YOU LOVED ME BEFORE * MM! 7 00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:20,154 * THIS TIME I WANT YOU * YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET READY, 8 00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:21,489 OR YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR SCHOOL. * TO LOVE ME MUCH MORE * 9 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,524 BUT I WANT TO FINISH WATCHING THE BOYZ II MEN VIDEO. 10 00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:25,859 * THIS TIME INSTEAD JUST COME TO MY BED * 11 00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:28,362 YOU KNOW, YOUR DAD'S THE FIRST WHITE GUY I EVER DATED. 12 00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:30,198 * AND, BABY, JUST DON'T... * 13 00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:31,699 SCHOOL'S GIVING YOU A CHOICE OF ACTIVITIES 14 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,535 FOR YOUR FIFTH-PERIOD ELECTIVE. 15 00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:35,603 I CHOSE PICCOLO. 16 00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:37,938 PICCOLO?! BUT I WANTED LEATHERWORK! 17 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,006 I WAS GONNA CRAFT MYSELF 18 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,742 A PAIR OF TIMBOS OR MAYBE A SADDLE. 19 00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,111 NO, YOU'RE LEARNING PICCOLO. 20 00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:46,247 WHY?! All: BECAUSE I SAID SO! 21 00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:48,116 CAN I BORROW SOME MONEY? 22 00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:49,950 THERE'S A CD SALE AT SAM GOODY'S. 23 00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,285 OH... 24 00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:53,387 DON'T YOU GET YOUR ALLOWANCE ON FRIDAY? 25 00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,224 PLEASE, DADDY? 26 00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:59,360 ANYTHING FOR MY LITTLE PRINCESS. 27 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:00,594 OKAY. 28 00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:04,765 WELL, I AT LEAST NEED YOU TO TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE. 29 00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:07,735 ** 30 00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:10,704 HAVE A GOOD DAY, BOYS. 31 00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,873 YOU'RE GOING TO WORK, DAD, NOT JAIL. 32 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:16,210 I AGREE WITH EDDIE. IT'S A LITTLE MUCH. 33 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:19,046 UH, EVAN? WHERE'S EVAN? 34 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,381 HE STARTED POWER-WALKING TO SCHOOL 35 00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:21,482 WITH THE NEIGHBORHOOD LADIES. 36 00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:25,619 I'M THINKING WE GO UP HIGH STREET THIS MORNING. 37 00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:26,787 [ WOMEN GROAN ] 38 00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:30,057 PAIN IS WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY, GIRLS! 39 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,393 -- Captions by VITAC -- 40 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:33,561 * FRESH OFF THE BOAT 41 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,229 * I'M GETTIN' MINE EVERYWHERE I GO * 42 00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:37,231 * IF YOU DON'T KNOW, HOMEY, NOW YOU KNOW * 43 00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:38,732 * FRESH OFF THE BOAT 44 00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:41,235 * HOMEY, YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I COME FROM * 45 00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:42,403 * BUT I KNOW WHERE I'M GOIN' 46 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:43,404 * I'M FRESH OFF THE BOAT 47 00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:45,473 ** 48 00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:46,574 [ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ] 49 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,242 Barefoot Dave: "THEY'RE JUST LIKE 50 00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:49,910 LITTLE PURPLE TENNIS BALLS." 51 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,413 ANYWAY, THAT'S HOW MY MOM TRIED TO SELL ME ON PLUMS. 52 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,248 MAN, YOU HAD A WEEKEND! 53 00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:56,917 OH, NO. HERE COME THE 8th GRADERS. 54 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,520 ** 55 00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,755 MAN! 56 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:02,990 UGH! 57 00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:06,494 MY CHEESE TOOL! 58 00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:12,500 HEY, IS IT COOL IF I SIT WITH YOU GUYS? 59 00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:15,936 YEAH, SURE! WE GOT PLENTY OF ROOM. 60 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,070 UNH! 61 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,442 REPEATING 8th GRADE SUCKS. 62 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,277 ALL MY FRIENDS ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL, 63 00:02:23,311 --> 00:02:24,945 AND THE NEW 8th GRADERS HATE ME 64 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,314 BECAUSE I PICKED ON THEM LAST YEAR 65 00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:28,316 WHEN THEY WERE ALL DUMB 7th GRADERS. 66 00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:29,350 NO OFFENSE. 67 00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:30,451 All: NONE TAKEN. 68 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,952 I'M SITTING ON THE FLOOR. 69 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,621 AND NOW I HAVE TO GET TUTORED 70 00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,323 DURING MY 5th-PERIOD ELECTIVE. 71 00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:36,490 I FEEL YOU, GIRL. 72 00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:39,126 FOR MY ELECTIVE, I HAVE TO TAKE PICCOLO. 73 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:41,329 OH, LIKE THAT PUPPET THAT BECOMES A REAL BOY. 74 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,697 YEP. 75 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,335 SORRY, NICOLE. WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. 76 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,670 [ CLATTER ] 77 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:52,640 ARE THEY... AFRAID OF YOU? 78 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:53,641 THOSE DING-WADS? 79 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,644 [ CHUCKLES ] THEY BETTER BE. 80 00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:59,980 YOU CLOWN JOCKEYS LOOKING AT SOMETHING?! 81 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,683 ** 82 00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:04,818 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 83 00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:07,888 HEY, JESSICA! WHAT'S GOING ON? 84 00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:10,057 STEPHEN KING BOOK CLUB, REMEMBER? 85 00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:11,392 "PET SEMATARY"? 86 00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:14,395 I BROUGHT HUSH PUPPIES WE CAN BURY IN OUR MOUTHS. 87 00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,230 [ CHUCKLES ] 88 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:19,099 I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED IT. 89 00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:20,601 I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH THESE PARENTING GUIDES, 90 00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,035 LOOKING FOR SOME HELP WITH NICOLE. 91 00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:25,373 "DAUGHTER, WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER." 92 00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:27,040 BUT YOU'RE NOT EVEN HER REAL MOTHER. 93 00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:28,342 YOU'RE HER STEPMOTHER. 94 00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:30,177 ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS DAY-DRINK AND CRITICIZE HER WEIGHT. 95 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,680 MARVIN ONLY SEES HER AS DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL, 96 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:36,183 SO I HAVE TO BE THE STRICT PARENT... MM. 97 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,285 ...WHICH I HATE. 98 00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,420 BECAUSE WE HAVE MADE SO MUCH PROGRESS AS FRIENDS. 99 00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:41,589 WHY ARE AMERICANS SO OBSESSED 100 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,257 WITH BEING FRIENDS WITH THEIR CHILDREN? 101 00:03:43,291 --> 00:03:45,058 I HAVE NO CHILDREN FRIENDS. 102 00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:48,228 OKAY, SURE, BUT DON'T -- LOOK, YOUR JOB ISN'T TO BE BUDDY-BUDDY. 103 00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:50,398 IT'S TO DO WHAT'S BEST FOR NICOLE, 104 00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:51,899 EVEN IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT. 105 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:54,101 DO YOU PLAY CHESS? 106 00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:55,269 NO. 107 00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:57,271 OH, BUT MARVIN AND I DID MEET PLAYING TWISTER. 108 00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:59,139 [ SIGHS DEEPLY ] 109 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,875 OKAY, SO, IN CHESS, 110 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,745 YOU HAVE TO THINK SEVERAL MOVES AHEAD. 111 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:06,747 LIKE HOW EDDIE DOESN'T WANT TO LEARN PICCOLO 112 00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:10,584 BUT I'M MAKING HIM BECAUSE 2,000 MARCHING-BAND SCHOLARSHIPS 113 00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:13,487 GO UNCLAIMED EVERY YEAR AT COLLEGES! 114 00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:17,325 THAT MAY WORK WITH EDDIE, BUT NICOLE'S A TEENAGER NOW, 115 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:19,593 SO I CAN'T JUST FORCE HER TO DO WHAT I WANT. 116 00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:21,729 HORSE DUMPLINGS! OF COURSE YOU CAN! 117 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:24,264 CHILDREN ARE NEVER TOO OLD TO BE CONTROLLED! 118 00:04:24,298 --> 00:04:25,566 IT'S JUST LIKE CHESS. 119 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,402 CHILDREN ARE THE PAWNS, AND YOU ARE THE QUEEN. 120 00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:29,570 AND AS THE QUEEN, 121 00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,105 YOU CONTROL ALL THE OTHER PIECES ON THE BOARD. 122 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,642 THEN THE KING JUST STANDS AROUND 123 00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:36,276 AND TAKES CREDIT FOR YOUR WORK. 124 00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:37,611 [ SIGHS ] 125 00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,780 STANDING, SHORTS. 126 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:40,781 [ CHUCKLES ] 127 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,450 I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY. [ CHUCKLES ] 128 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,418 AH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, HUH? 129 00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:45,753 [ CHILDREN GIGGLING ] 130 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:48,756 THAT'S WHAT I SEE EVERY TIME I LOOK AT NICOLE. 131 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,524 NO MATTER HOW OLD SHE GETS, 132 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:51,925 SHE'LL ALWAYS BE DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL. 133 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,627 [ GIGGLING CONTINUES ] MUST BE NICE. 134 00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:55,463 SHE PROBABLY STILL HUGS YOU. 135 00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:57,297 EVERY DAY. 136 00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,466 I'LL TELL YOU, 137 00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,601 THERE'S SOMETHING MAGICAL ABOUT HAVING A GIRL. 138 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:04,338 I HAVE ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE. 139 00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:06,507 ** 140 00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:07,841 [ LAUGHS ] [ GIGGLES ] 141 00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:11,011 * FOREVER AND EVER 142 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,481 * I LOVE YOU SO [ BOTH LAUGHING ] 143 00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:17,485 * FOREVER AND EVER 144 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,953 * WANT TO LET YOU KNOW 145 00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:24,124 * JUST WHAT YOU MEAN TO ME 146 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:27,628 * AND ALL YOUR CHARMS 147 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,963 * YOU'VE GOT THAT MAGIC TOUCH 148 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,965 * A MAGIC SMILE 149 00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,133 Just because she's married 150 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,302 doesn't mean she can get fat. 151 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,304 [ SNIFFLES ] 152 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,574 SO MAGICAL. 153 00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:42,142 ** 154 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,478 I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE GOT TO GO TO TUTORING. 155 00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:46,480 AT LEAST YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO TO PICCOLO. 156 00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:48,482 WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN INSTRUMENTS? 157 00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:49,850 I AM AN INSTRUMENT. 158 00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:50,884 [ SCATS ] 159 00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:52,686 THAT'S ALL I HAVE SO FAR. 160 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:53,987 [ British accent ] AFTERNOON, NICOLE. 161 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:56,424 OOH, THIS MUST BE YOUR TUTOR. 162 00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:58,759 NORMALLY, THE OLDER STUDENTS TUTOR THE YOUNGER ONES, 163 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,028 BUT YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY THE EXCEPTION. 164 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:03,564 MY WIFE'S ASIAN, SO I GET IT. 165 00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,733 TUTOR?! NO, I -- YES! 166 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,968 UH, EDDIE'S MY TUTOR. JUST ONE SECOND. 167 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,005 TUTOR?! I CAN'T TEACH! 168 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:15,576 I CAN EDUCATE SUCKA MCs, BUT THAT'S NOT THE SAME! 169 00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,578 NO, LISTEN, I-IT'LL BE AWESOME. 170 00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,580 THIS WAY, YOU AND ME CAN JUST HANG OUT ALL PERIOD 171 00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,682 AND, LIKE, LISTEN TO MUSIC AND STUFF. 172 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,517 YEAH. 173 00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:24,585 THAT COULD BE DOPE. 174 00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:27,087 AND THIS WAY, I CAN GET OUT OF PICCOLO! 175 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,289 MY MOM WILL LOVE THAT I'M TUTORING. 176 00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:32,025 HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE TUTORING?! 177 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,194 BECAUSE IT'S ONE STEP AWAY FROM TEACHER, 178 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,029 WHICH IS ONE MISSED PAYCHECK AWAY 179 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:38,866 FROM HOMELESS MAN WITH DIRTY DOG AND SOCKS FOR GLOVES. 180 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,734 THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE. 181 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:42,470 IT DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE. YOU KNOW WHY? 182 00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,672 BECAUSE YOU SAID SO! 183 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,209 YOU BETTER NOT BE GOING INTO THE KITCHEN TO EAT RAVIOLI! 184 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,945 ** 185 00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:58,318 [ FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ] 186 00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,253 HEY, SWEETIE! NO! 187 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:02,590 BUT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M ASKING. 188 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:03,757 YOU CALLED ME "SWEETIE," 189 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:05,425 SO YOU PROBABLY WANT SOMETHING EXTRAVAGANT 190 00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:07,327 LIKE A BOAT OR A NEW PARTY SHIRT. 191 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,163 LET'S HAVE ANOTHER BABY -- A GIRL ONE! 192 00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:12,265 ARE YOU CRAZY?! SHOP IS CLOSED! 193 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,469 [ SIGHS ] 194 00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:18,438 Emery: A DAUGHTER? 195 00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:20,674 I HAVE HORRIBLE NEWS. 196 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,576 GRANDMA FINALLY CAUGHT THAT BIRD? 197 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:25,012 WORSE. DAD WANTS A DAUGHTER. 198 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:27,147 [ SIGHS ] THAT IS WORSE. 199 00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:29,617 IF WE GET A SISTER, SHE'LL TAKE OVER OUR ROOM. 200 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:32,620 WE'D HAVE TO MOVE IN WITH EDDIE. 201 00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:34,788 BUT ONLY UNTIL HE GOES TO COLLEGE. 202 00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:39,159 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 203 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,961 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] [ LAUGHS ] 204 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,963 EDDIE IN COLLEGE?! IT JUST CAME OUT! 205 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:43,997 IT JUST CAME OUT! 206 00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:45,165 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 207 00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:48,969 [ INHALES DEEPLY ] JESSICA, I DID IT! 208 00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:50,504 AAH! WHOO! [ LAUGHS ] YOU DID WHAT? 209 00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:53,373 OH, NICOLE ASKED ME FOR MONEY. 210 00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:55,042 AND I DIDN'T GIVE HER ANY! 211 00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:57,377 GOOD, BECAUSE YOU ARE THE QUEEN. 212 00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:58,478 YOU TELL HER "NO." 213 00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:00,047 [ INHALES DEEPLY ] UH, WELL... 214 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,114 [ WATER RUNNING ] 215 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,783 Nicole: HONEY! WHERE'S YOUR PURSE?! 216 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:05,018 CAN'T HEAR YOU! I'M IN THE SHOWER! 217 00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:07,187 I'M WORKING UP TO "NO." [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] 218 00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,656 BUT I DIDN'T GIVE HER ANY MONEY. 219 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:09,990 OKAY, WELL, IT'S A START. 220 00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:11,491 I GIVE YOU A C-MINUS. 221 00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:13,961 LEARNING TO BE A GOOD PARENT TAKES TIME. 222 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,796 [ GASPS ] SPEAKING OF LEARNING, 223 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,799 NICOLE SAYS EDDIE IS A FANTASTIC TUTOR. 224 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,500 EDDIE WHO? 225 00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:22,169 [ LAUGHS ] 226 00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:24,872 JESSICA! YOU JOKE MACHINE! 227 00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,875 YOUR SON HAS BEEN TUTORING HER EVERY DAY THIS WEEK. 228 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:30,544 [ CHUCKLES ] ANOTHER MASTER CHESS MOVE BY YOU. 229 00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:32,312 GETTING EDDIE TO STUDY MORE... 230 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,514 YOU REALLY ARE THE QUEEN. 231 00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:37,050 ** 232 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,853 YOU'RE STILL TUTORING?! I TOLD YOU TO STOP! 233 00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:41,254 WAIT, HOW DID YOU KNOW?! 234 00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:42,756 I KNOW EVERYTHING! 235 00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:45,258 YOU'RE TAKING PICCOLO! 236 00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,927 YOU'RE GOING TO RIDE THAT METAL MOUTH TUBE 237 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,829 ALL THE WAY TO MONEY TOWN! 238 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,698 NO! 239 00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:55,903 WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? 240 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:58,772 I SAID "NO." 241 00:08:58,806 --> 00:09:00,273 TUTORING IS THE ONE CHANCE I GET 242 00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:01,609 TO HANG OUT WITH NICOLE ALONE. 243 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:02,876 I'M NOT SWITCHING. 244 00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:04,544 YES, YOU ARE. 245 00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:07,080 I WILL CALL THE SCHOOL AND HAVE THEM SWITCH YOU. 246 00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:08,215 EVEN IF YOU SWITCH ME, 247 00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,250 YOU CAN'T PHYSICALLY FORCE ME TO PLAY IT. 248 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,719 I WILL TAPE IT TO YOUR MOUTH. 249 00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,787 I WILL BREATHE THROUGH MY NOSE. 250 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:16,256 YOUR MOVE, MOM. 251 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:19,192 [ CRICKETS CHIRPING ] 252 00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,394 I CAN'T BELIEVE EDDIE DEFIED ME LIKE THAT! HMM. 253 00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:23,731 YOU KNOW WHO WOULDN'T HAVE DISRESPECTED YOU LIKE THAT? 254 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:24,932 A GIRL. 255 00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,267 THE CLOSEST I EVER CAME TO DEFYING MY MOTHER 256 00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,569 WAS WHEN I WANTED TO PICK OUT MY OWN SHOES! 257 00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:31,438 ** 258 00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:38,411 YOU KNOW WHOSE SHOES YOU COULD PICK OUT? 259 00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:39,579 A BABY GIRL'S. 260 00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:41,615 COWBOY BOOTS OR... 261 00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,617 MAYBE I WAS TOO AGGRESSIVE IN MY OPENING GAMBIT. ...ONE WITH A BUCKLE AND A STRAP. 262 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,252 OH, UH, MARY JANES. GOING AT HIM MADE HIM DEFENSIVE. 263 00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:46,586 THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE CALLED. 264 00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:47,587 SO CUTE. I NEED TO FALL BACK. 265 00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:49,422 ON A GIRL... I NEED TO OUTMANEUVER HIM. 266 00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:51,925 ...WHICH WE COULD CREATE... MAKE EDDIE THINK HE CHOSE THE PICCOLO. 267 00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,493 ...IN UNDER ONE MINUTE. HUH? 268 00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,428 WHAT? 269 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,931 Deidre: YOUR FATHER DOES NOT WANT ANOTHER BABY, EVAN. 270 00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,767 HE SEEMS PRETTY SERIOUS ABOUT IT. 271 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,769 TRUST ME, HE JUST THINKS HE DOES. 272 00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,503 MM. I'M SURE IT'S HORMONES. 273 00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,505 IT'S PROBABLY JUST HIS TIME OF THE MONTH... MM. 274 00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:07,841 ...YOU KNOW, WHEN THE MORTGAGE IS DUE. MM-HMM. 275 00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:08,942 JUST GET HIM A PUPPY -- 276 00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:11,111 SOMETHING SMALL AND CUTE HE CAN TAKE CARE OF. 277 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,412 THAT'S ALL HE REALLY WANTS. MM-HMM. 278 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,414 YEAH, RICHARD BROUGHT UP THE BABY TALK LAST SPRING. 279 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:15,649 I JUST BOUGHT HIM A DRILL. 280 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:16,950 [ LAUGHTER ] 281 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:22,589 SO, YOU MUST BE EDDIE'S MOTHER, OR "MU-CHIN," YES? 282 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,793 MY WIFE'S FROM ASIA, SO, I, UH... 283 00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:28,428 I WOULD LIKE YOU TO GIVE EDDIE MORE TUTORING STUDENTS, PLEASE. 284 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:32,432 AH, YOU SEE, ONE-ON-ONE INSTRUCTION 285 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:36,269 IS, UH, VERY MUCH AT THE CORE OF THE TUTORING PROCESS, 286 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:39,940 SO WHILE I'M SURE EDDIE EXCELS IN ALL SUBJECTS [ SIGHS ] 287 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,942 A-A-AND LIKELY A STRINGED INSTRUMENT -- 288 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,977 MY WIFE PLAYS VIOLA -- 289 00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:47,580 UH, I JUST CAN'T ASSIGN HIM MORE THAN ONE STUDENT. 290 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:52,119 OH, OF COURSE. I UNDERSTAND YOUR RULE... 291 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,120 YES. 292 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,822 ...FOR WHITE STUDENTS. 293 00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,157 I'M LISTENING. 294 00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:59,526 AS THE HUSBAND OF AN ASIAN WIFE, 295 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:03,697 I'M SURE YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH THE TALE OF ZONG DINGBO. 296 00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:07,801 OH, YEAH. ZONG DIN-- YES. 297 00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:10,137 ASKING EDDIE TO TUTOR ONLY ONE STUDENT 298 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,139 IS WASTING HIS POTENTIAL. 299 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,141 IT WOULD BE LIKE ASKING ZONG DINGBO 300 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,877 TO CARRY THE GHOST ONLY HALFWAY INTO THE TOWN. 301 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,211 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 302 00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,247 OH, YEAH, YEAH. NO, I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN. YEAH, YEAH. 303 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:21,414 YEAH. YOU'LL FIX IT! 304 00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,083 I WILL. YES. 305 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,152 YOU KNOW, YOU AND MY WIFE SHOULD GRAB LUNCH. NO. 306 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,153 NO. 307 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,255 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 308 00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,223 WHEN DID YOU START WEARING GLASSES? 309 00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,025 3rd GRADE, BUT I NEVER FELT SAFE ENOUGH 310 00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:33,593 TO WEAR THEM AT SCHOOL UNTIL NOW. 311 00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:36,263 WHEN THE DETAILS COME INTO FOCUS, 312 00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,732 SOME OF US ARE LESS ATTRACTIVE THAN I THOUGHT. 313 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,837 HIS NAME IS CAPTAIN FUZZ. 314 00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:46,539 HE'S A PILOT FOR CONTINENTAL AIRLINES. 315 00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:49,542 EDDIE, CHECK IT OUT. I GOT THE NEW BOYZ II MEN CD. 316 00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:50,543 WE CAN PLAY IT DURING TUTORING 317 00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:52,312 WHILE I FINISH DRAWING ON YOUR HAND. 318 00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:55,715 WORD. 319 00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:57,785 PIZZA TODAY, LADS. 320 00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:00,387 ARE YOU WEARING A SKIRT? 321 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:03,190 NO. IT'S A KILT, LIKE IN "BRAVEHEART." 322 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:06,760 DUDE, THAT'S TOO FAR. YOU'RE GONNA GET US ALL KILLED. 323 00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:12,900 HEY, NICOLE. 324 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:14,134 [ INHALES DEEPLY ] 325 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:17,237 I KNOW YOU DIDN'T JUST SAY HI TO ME AND NOT MY FRIENDS. 326 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,571 UH, UH, UH, UH -- 327 00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:19,907 "UH, UH, UH." 328 00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:22,776 BYE! 329 00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:26,914 WE'RE INVINCIBLE. 330 00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:29,082 MY BOY'S IN A HISTORY DRESS! 331 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:31,684 [ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ] 332 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,492 Nicole: YOU WOULD LOOK GOOD IN ONE OF THOSE. 333 00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:41,094 PROBABLY. 334 00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:45,265 YO, WRONG CLASSROOM! I'M TUTORING UP IN HERE! 335 00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:46,934 OH, THESE ARE YOUR NEW STUDENTS. 336 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,902 BUT TUTORING'S SUPPOSED TO BE ONE-ON-ONE. 337 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:50,904 YES, BUT WE BOTH KNOW 338 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:53,907 YOU CAN HANDLE MORE THAN ONE STUDENT. 339 00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:57,277 ZONG DINGBO. YEAH? 340 00:12:57,310 --> 00:13:01,114 DID HE JUST HAVE A STROKE? 341 00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:04,517 HEY, I DON'T KNOW YOU. YOU'RE NEW. MY DAD'S IN THE MILITARY. 342 00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:06,186 WE JUST GOT TRANSFERRED HERE, BUT DON'T WORRY. 343 00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:07,520 I'M A LOVER, NOT A FIGHTER. 344 00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:10,657 [ LAUGHS ] THAT'S SO FUNNY. 345 00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,625 THAT WASN'T FUNNY. 346 00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,027 [ As Arnold Schwarzenegger ] "IT'S NOT A TUMOR!" 347 00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:15,128 [ LAUGHS ] 348 00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:16,997 THAT'S -- YOU'RE -- YOU'RE KILLING ME. 349 00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:19,166 [ LAUGHS ] 350 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:22,836 OH, HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY? 351 00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:25,338 TERRIBLE. TUTORING SUCKS. 352 00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,140 I'M NEVER DOING IT AGAIN. 353 00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:31,044 CHECKMATE. 354 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,451 * WE BELONG TOGETHER * 355 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:41,654 EDDIE, I CALLED YOU FOR DINNER FIVE TIMES! * AND YOU KNOW THAT I'M RIGHT * 356 00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:42,990 I'M NOT HUNGRY! 357 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:47,460 * WHY DO YOU PLAY WITH MY HEART? * 358 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,796 * END OF THE ROAD * 359 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:53,466 * STILL, I CAN'T LET YOU GO * 360 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,202 HERE YOU GO, DAD. 361 00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:56,536 * IT'S UNNATURAL * 362 00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:59,806 WHY ARE YOU HANDING ME MY OWN DRILL WITH A BOW ON IT? 363 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,141 FOR YOUR HORMONES. 364 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,976 DRILL YOUR FEELINGS AWAY! 365 00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:04,177 AWW. 366 00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:06,246 THIS BOW WOULD LOOK SO CUTE ON A BABY GIRL. 367 00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,915 [ CHUCKLES ] * GO TO THE END OF THE ROAD * 368 00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,516 [ SIGHS ] 369 00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:13,653 * STILL, I CAN'T LET YOU GO * I FOUND THIS IN THE SINK. 370 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,689 * IT'S UNNATURAL * THIS IN THE PANTRY. 371 00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:17,824 AND THESE... 372 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,660 IN BETWEEN THE MAGAZINES IN THE BATHROOM! 373 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:24,164 OH, CALENDARS WITH CUTE BABY GIRLS DRESSED AS VEGETABLES. 374 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,498 HOW DID THESE GET EVERYWHERE? 375 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,067 DO YOU KNOW WHAT BABY GIRLS TURN INTO? 376 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,736 TEENAGE GIRLS, AND, LOUIS, TRUST ME, 377 00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,271 NEITHER OF US WANT THAT. 378 00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,873 ARE YOU SURE? I MEAN, COME ON. 379 00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,608 I DON'T THINK THAT'S CUTE! 380 00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:38,278 I THINK IT'S FREAKY! IT'S LIKE A CURSE! 381 00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:41,614 IT'S LIKE THIS POOR BABY ANGERED SOME WITCH 382 00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:44,517 WHO CURSED HER TO BE TRAPPED IN A CABBAGE BODY! 383 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,020 AND NOW SHE NEEDS AN EMPEROR'S KISS 384 00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:48,888 TO RELEASE HER FROM THE CURSE, 385 00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:52,092 BUT THE EMPERORS ARE GONE -- REPLACED BY DEMOCRACY. 386 00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:57,097 SO THIS POOR CABBAGE BABY IS LEFT ALONE IN THE FIELDS 387 00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:59,032 TO BE PECKED AT BY CROWS. 388 00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:00,867 AND THEN A PHOTOGRAPHER COMES ALONG, 389 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,535 AND HE TAKES A PHOTOGRAPH OF HER, 390 00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,537 AND HE SELLS IT FOR LOTS OF MONEY, 391 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:08,541 BUT HE LEAVES HER ALONE TO A LIFE OF MISERY! 392 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:12,212 FOR WHO COULD EVER LOVE A CABBAGE-FACED BABY? 393 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:15,382 * YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND * 394 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:16,984 FEBRUARY'S A CARROT. 395 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,485 SHOP IS CLOSED! 396 00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:21,154 * WHEN I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT 397 00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:23,823 * WITHOUT HOLDING YOU TIGHT 398 00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:25,825 * GIRL, EACH TIME I TRY 399 00:15:25,858 --> 00:15:28,996 * I JUST BREAK DOWN AND CRY 400 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:30,663 * PAIN IN MY HEAD 401 00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:33,666 * OH, I'D RATHER BE DEAD 402 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:37,104 * SPINNING AROUND AND AROUND 403 00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:39,906 * ALTHOUGH WE'VE COME 404 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:44,911 * TO THE END OF THE ROAD 405 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:49,916 * STILL, I CAN'T LET YOU GO 406 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,085 * IT'S UNNATURAL 407 00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,587 * YOU BELONG TO ME 408 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:57,757 * I BELONG TO YOU 409 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,426 * COME 410 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:04,331 * TO THE END OF THE ROAD 411 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:09,169 * STILL, I CAN'T LET YOU GO 412 00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,504 * IT'S UNNATURAL 413 00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:14,007 * YOU BELONG TO ME 414 00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:15,842 * I BELONG TO YOU 415 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:17,310 * I DON'T -- * 416 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,781 ENOUGH LITTLE MAN BOYZ! YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR DAYS! 417 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,016 COME TO DINNER NOW! 418 00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:32,659 [ HUMMING "END OF THE ROAD" ] 419 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,236 * IT'S UNNATURAL 420 00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:45,572 * YOU BELONG TO ME 421 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:49,076 * I BELONG TO YOU 422 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:51,811 Both: * ALTHOUGH WE'VE COME 423 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:56,216 * TO THE END OF THE ROAD 424 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:59,886 * STILL, I CAN'T LET GO 425 00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:02,889 * IT'S UNNATURAL 426 00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:05,158 * YOU BELONG TO ME 427 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,427 * I BELONG TO YOU 428 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,262 Together: * COME 429 00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:13,766 * TO THE END OF THE ROAD 430 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:17,104 * STILL, I CAN'T LET IT GO 431 00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:18,605 * WHOA-WHOA-WHOA 432 00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,607 * IT'S UNNATURAL 433 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,942 * YOU BELONG TO ME 434 00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:26,513 * I BELONG TO YOU 435 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:29,116 [ HUMMING "END OF THE ROAD" ] GIRL. I'M HERE FOR YOU. 436 00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:32,452 ALL THOSE TIMES AT NIGHT WHEN YOU JUST HURT ME 437 00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:34,954 AND JUST RAN OFF WITH THAT OTHER FELLA... 438 00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:36,456 BABY, I KNEW ABOUT IT. 439 00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:38,191 I JUST DIDN'T CARE. 440 00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:39,859 [ HUMMING CONTINUES ] 441 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:40,927 [ CRICKETS CHIRPING ] [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 442 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,096 [ SIGHS ] READY FOR BOOK CLUB? 443 00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:44,931 I FINALLY FINISHED IT! [ CHUCKLES ] 444 00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:46,366 THIS IS WHY WE FLUSH OUR HAMSTERS. 445 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,201 I CAN'T RIGHT NOW. 446 00:17:48,235 --> 00:17:49,869 UH, SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH EDDIE. 447 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,205 HE'S DEPRESSED. HE WON'T EAT. 448 00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:53,640 HE WON'T LISTEN TO ME. 449 00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,208 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 450 00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:57,810 I EVEN BOUGHT THIS PARENTING BOOK. 451 00:17:57,844 --> 00:18:01,148 "ADVANCED CHESS STRATEGY." 452 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:03,550 THE FORWARD WAS WRITTEN BY A COMPUTER. 453 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,619 WELL, EDDIE'S UPSET BECAUSE OF NICOLE. 454 00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:09,789 EVER SINCE SHE STARTED HANGING OUT WITH THAT NEW KID, CHRIS. 455 00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:10,890 HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? 456 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,560 BECAUSE I TALKED TO HER -- AS A FRIEND. 457 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,728 I MEAN, I KNOW YOUR POLICY ON CHILDREN FRIENDS, 458 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:18,598 BUT MAYBE THAT'S WHAT EDDIE NEEDS RIGHT NOW. 459 00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:19,932 HE HAS FRIENDS. 460 00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:23,603 HE HAS DAVE, UH, THE SCRAWNY ONE... 461 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,071 BIG RED. 462 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:28,241 JESSICA, YOU CAN'T FIX THIS. 463 00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:31,077 WHAT EDDIE NEEDS FROM YOU RIGHT NOW IS JUST TO KNOW 464 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,780 THAT HE'S NOT THE FIRST PERSON TO GO THROUGH IT. 465 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:36,949 ** 466 00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:39,419 [ ALARM CLOCK RINGING ] 467 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,920 [ RINGING STOPS ] 468 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,756 I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE THIS ALARM CLOCK BETTER. 469 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,825 THE LAZY DOG TELLS YOU WHEN TO GET UP. 470 00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:48,961 [ SIGHS ] IT DOESN'T MATTER. 471 00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,665 [ SIGHS ] 472 00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:56,135 YOU KNOW, I ONCE HAD MY HEART BROKEN, TOO. 473 00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:00,473 WHEN OSCAR CHOW DUMPED ME IN COLLEGE... 474 00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:03,142 I WAS DEVASTATED. 475 00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:06,379 I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER FEEL HAPPY AGAIN. 476 00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:08,881 I LOST WEIGHT. MY GRADES SUFFERED. 477 00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:11,551 I CUT MY HAIR. 478 00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,820 IT WAS THE WORST 20 MINUTES OF MY LIFE. 479 00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:17,857 HOW DID YOU GET OVER IT? 480 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:20,860 I REALIZED THAT... 481 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:23,863 LIFE IS A LOT LIKE CHESS. 482 00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:26,199 YOU CAN'T WIN EVERY GAME. 483 00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,535 BUT YOU ALSO CAN'T GIVE UP WHEN YOU LOSE. 484 00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:32,539 YOU KNOW, IF OSCAR CHOW HADN'T DUMPED ME, 485 00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,807 I NEVER WOULD HAVE MET YOUR FATHER. 486 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:37,510 AND I WOULDN'T BE HERE. 487 00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:40,179 EXACTLY. 488 00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:42,249 AND THAT WOULD BE TRAGIC. 489 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:47,820 LIKE THE 2,000 MARCHING-BAND SCHOLARSHIPS 490 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,990 THAT GO UNCLAIMED EVERY YEAR! 491 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,893 [ SIGHS ] NON...STOP! 492 00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:55,161 [ CHUCKLES ] 493 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:58,331 LOUIS, I FOUND MORE CALENDARS IN THE GARBAGE. 494 00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:01,334 YEAH, I THREW THEM OUT. I CHANGED MY MIND. 495 00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:05,272 WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER BABY. 496 00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:06,606 WHAT MADE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND? 497 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,675 I OVERHEARD YOU TALKING TO EDDIE, 498 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,076 AND IT MADE ME THINK -- 499 00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:13,079 IF I HAD A DAUGHTER AND SHE HAD HER HEART BROKEN, 500 00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:15,248 I'D HUNT THE BOY DOWN WHO DID IT AND MURDER HIM. 501 00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:18,918 YOU WERE RIGHT. I DON'T WANT A TEENAGE GIRL. 502 00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:22,054 CHECKMATE. 503 00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:23,290 [ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ] 504 00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,392 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 505 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:29,529 [ As Beavis ] I AM CORNHOLIO! 506 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:30,897 [ LAUGHS ] 507 00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:34,401 [ PICCOLO PLAYING "NUTHIN' BUT A 'G' THANG" ] 508 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,005 [ "NUTHIN' BUT A 'G' THANG" CONTINUES ] 509 00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:46,779 [ DR. DRE'S "NUTHIN' BUT A 'G' THANG" PLAYS ] 510 00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:49,048 * 1, 2, 3 AND TO THE 4 511 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:52,051 * SNOOP DOGGY DOGG AND DR. DRE IS AT THE DOOR * 512 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:53,620 * READY TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE, SO BACK ON UP * 513 00:20:58,157 --> 00:21:01,394 AND THAT'S WHY I ALWAYS PLAY MONOPOLY... 514 00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:02,762 AS THE BOOT. 515 00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:08,167 Nicole: HEY. 516 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,504 WHY ISN'T NICOLE SITTING WITH US? 517 00:21:11,538 --> 00:21:14,006 I DON'T THINK SHE'S GONNA BE SITTING WITH US ANYMORE, GUYS. 518 00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:17,810 BUT I'M WEARING A KILT. 519 00:21:17,844 --> 00:21:20,513 DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! I'M NOT WEARING PANTS! 520 00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:23,983 WELL, GENTLEMEN... 521 00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:26,819 [ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ] 522 00:21:26,853 --> 00:21:29,856 IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE SEEING YOU.