1 00:00:01,131 --> 00:00:02,654 Last time on "Fresh Off the Boat"... 2 00:00:02,785 --> 00:00:05,179 -I go to St. Orlando's Prep. -Private school. 3 00:00:05,309 --> 00:00:07,224 Can I please go to St. Orlando's next year, Mommy? 4 00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:09,661 Michael Bolton offered me a partnership deal 5 00:00:09,792 --> 00:00:11,489 for the restaurant, and I think we should take it. 6 00:00:11,620 --> 00:00:14,927 I want to own our house, and this deal will let us do that. 7 00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:18,279 You're right, but we're not buying this house. 8 00:00:18,409 --> 00:00:19,758 You wanna buy thishouse? 9 00:00:19,889 --> 00:00:21,586 With one stipulation. 10 00:00:21,717 --> 00:00:23,284 You get our son into St. Orlando's. 11 00:00:25,155 --> 00:00:27,897 -What's going on? -We're moving. 12 00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:33,772 You're throwing all your stuff away? 13 00:00:33,903 --> 00:00:35,687 Nah, man. This is my luggage. 14 00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:37,211 We're only moving across town. 15 00:00:37,341 --> 00:00:38,255 It's crazy that you're gonna be going 16 00:00:38,386 --> 00:00:39,517 to a different high school next year. 17 00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:40,605 It's no big deal. 18 00:00:40,736 --> 00:00:42,216 We'll still hang out all the time. 19 00:00:42,346 --> 00:00:43,478 Me and Alison are all good. 20 00:00:43,608 --> 00:00:45,480 Plus, we got the whole summer to chill. 21 00:00:45,610 --> 00:00:47,308 The new house has a hot tub. 22 00:00:47,438 --> 00:00:49,049 It'll be just like MTV's Beach House. 23 00:00:49,179 --> 00:00:50,963 But with no Bill Bellamy. 24 00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:52,704 Now you feel me. 25 00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:54,184 Why are you guys moving, anyway? 26 00:00:54,315 --> 00:00:56,621 So someonecan go to private school. 27 00:00:58,319 --> 00:01:01,061 I can't wait to introduce you to my khakis. 28 00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:02,714 We'll have to divide these 29 00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,542 since we're getting our own rooms. 30 00:01:04,673 --> 00:01:06,022 How 'bout you take the herbivores 31 00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:07,067 and I'll take the carnivores? 32 00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:10,244 Or we divide them by geologic time period. 33 00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:11,332 Dibs on Jurassic! 34 00:01:11,462 --> 00:01:13,247 Dammit. Yeah. 35 00:01:13,377 --> 00:01:17,512 Aww, the boys' height chart. Look how much they've grown. 36 00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:21,733 I am not losing one nickel of our security deposit. 37 00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:23,605 And quit stopping to reminisce. 38 00:01:23,735 --> 00:01:25,955 You only took two days off of work for this move, 39 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,783 and you spent the whole morning packing your pants. 40 00:01:27,913 --> 00:01:29,437 Every pair tells a story. 41 00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:31,091 I was wearing my white Wranglers 42 00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:33,223 the day I hung up the pantry shelves. 43 00:01:33,354 --> 00:01:35,530 Hard to believe that was only three years ago. 44 00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:38,228 We're moving on up, Louis, like "The Jeffersons." 45 00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:40,752 You know, I've always fancied myself a Taiwanese Weezy. 46 00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:42,232 You always have. 47 00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:46,802 I guess it's just hard to leave this place. 48 00:01:46,932 --> 00:01:48,804 Hmm. It's for the best. 49 00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:50,284 Before you know it, 50 00:01:50,414 --> 00:01:53,243 the new house will feel the same as the old one. 51 00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:59,554 [echoing] Very cozy. 52 00:02:03,253 --> 00:02:04,385 ♪ Fresh off the boat 53 00:02:04,515 --> 00:02:06,300 ♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪ 54 00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,389 ♪ If you don't know, homey, now you know ♪ 55 00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:09,694 ♪ Fresh off the boat 56 00:02:09,825 --> 00:02:12,219 ♪ Homey, you don't know where I come from ♪ 57 00:02:12,349 --> 00:02:13,394 ♪ But I know where I'm goin' 58 00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:16,136 ♪ I'm fresh off the boat 59 00:02:18,616 --> 00:02:21,619 Mm, impressive new yard. 60 00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:23,795 Squirrels look like they're better behaved here. 61 00:02:23,926 --> 00:02:26,494 They make less eye contact, which I appreciate. 62 00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:28,670 Check it out! We've got double Pop Tart ovens! 63 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:32,587 More like double waste of electricity. 64 00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:38,941 -EVAN: Hello. -[Gasps] 65 00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:41,726 No, Ma. It's the intercom system. 66 00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:43,250 Right, boys? 67 00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:44,947 Welcome to the Huangs' new house. 68 00:02:45,077 --> 00:02:46,862 May I take your order? -Brenda, can you see 69 00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:49,038 if they can push that meeting from 4:00 to 5:00? 70 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,387 I'm playing drive-thru. 71 00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:52,172 Oh, I'm playing assistant. 72 00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:53,521 Brenda, hold my calls. 73 00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:56,219 Hold all the calls, Brenda. Intercom's closed. 74 00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:57,438 It wastes electricity. 75 00:02:57,568 --> 00:02:59,179 If you need to communicate, yell. 76 00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:02,269 Better, pass notes under the door like they do in prison. 77 00:03:02,399 --> 00:03:03,748 Cheap and quiet. 78 00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:05,315 Aren't you being a little extreme? 79 00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:06,534 These things don't cost that much. 80 00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:08,231 You think I'm being extreme? 81 00:03:08,362 --> 00:03:11,321 ♪♪ 82 00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:18,372 It's easy to look at this place and think we're rich now, 83 00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,635 like that half-naked Scottish duck you boys love. 84 00:03:20,765 --> 00:03:21,549 But the truth is, 85 00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:24,291 poverty is right outside those double French doors. 86 00:03:24,421 --> 00:03:25,248 Listen. 87 00:03:28,164 --> 00:03:29,905 I don't hear anything. 88 00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:33,387 Exactly, because poverty moves in silence. 89 00:03:34,475 --> 00:03:36,346 We used up all our savings to buy this place, 90 00:03:36,477 --> 00:03:38,348 and now we can't afford to live in it. 91 00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:39,697 You've heard the term "house poor"? 92 00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:41,133 Well, that's what we are now. 93 00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:44,006 So no intercoms, no double ovens, 94 00:03:44,136 --> 00:03:45,790 no heating the hot tub. 95 00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:47,444 I thought we were in good financial shape. 96 00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:49,664 Michael Bolton just became a partner in the restaurant. 97 00:03:49,794 --> 00:03:52,188 If that's not the definition of "stable," I don't know what is. 98 00:03:52,319 --> 00:03:53,972 [laughing] 99 00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:56,192 I've run the numbers, Louis. 100 00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:58,281 And the books don't lie. 101 00:03:58,412 --> 00:04:01,502 Between the high mortgage, higher bills, insurance, 102 00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:04,026 and taxes, we're barely scraping by. 103 00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:06,028 In fact, we are this close 104 00:04:06,158 --> 00:04:10,424 to becoming my worst nightmare -- being homeless. 105 00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:22,784 What are you doing? 106 00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:24,481 Saving money on dry cleaning 107 00:04:24,612 --> 00:04:26,440 and making my blazer smell like London. 108 00:04:26,570 --> 00:04:27,963 I know you're excited about private school, 109 00:04:28,093 --> 00:04:29,399 but I hope being around all those rich kids 110 00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:30,487 doesn't change you. 111 00:04:30,618 --> 00:04:31,488 What do you mean? 112 00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:33,403 Like how Chris O'Donnell went to private school 113 00:04:34,883 --> 00:04:35,623 in "Scent of a Woman" and almost lost his integrity. 114 00:04:35,753 --> 00:04:36,711 [as Frank Slade] Hoo-ahhh! 115 00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:38,408 [as Frank Slade] Hahh! 116 00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:40,802 You don't need to worry. This blazer won't change me. 117 00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:43,544 I may look larger than life, but I'm still a little boy's 6. 118 00:04:43,674 --> 00:04:45,720 Hey, look -- made in China. 119 00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:47,417 Kind of like our family. 120 00:04:47,548 --> 00:04:48,505 Hope it didn't come from a sweatshop. 121 00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:50,464 I've been reading about child labor 122 00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:52,422 after the whole Kathy Lee Gifford controversy. 123 00:04:52,553 --> 00:04:55,077 You should have the school look into it, just to be sure. 124 00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:56,339 I don't know. 125 00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:58,298 Evan, there could be kids stuck in a factory 126 00:04:58,428 --> 00:04:59,560 working 20 hours a day on these. 127 00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:01,518 I'm talking about kids our age. 128 00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:04,347 What if Cousin Hennessy was forced to make this? 129 00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:08,482 Fine, but Cousin Hennessy would never be hired in a sweatshop. 130 00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:09,961 Have you seen his craftsmanship? 131 00:05:10,092 --> 00:05:11,659 Disaster. 132 00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:14,270 Sorry we can't afford to heat the hot tub. 133 00:05:14,401 --> 00:05:15,663 We're house poor. 134 00:05:15,793 --> 00:05:17,317 That's the whole reason we came all the way over here. 135 00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:19,754 I had to take two buses in flip-flops. 136 00:05:19,884 --> 00:05:22,974 A lady sat on half of my towel for 16 blocks. 137 00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:25,325 Our last summer together is blowing hard. 138 00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:26,369 It's not our last summer! 139 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,284 So, I'm going to a different school. 140 00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:29,894 It doesn't mean we stop being a crew. 141 00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:33,071 Which is why we should all get matching tattoos. 142 00:05:33,202 --> 00:05:34,290 Seriously? 143 00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:36,553 When you're in a crew, you're in a crew for life. 144 00:05:36,684 --> 00:05:38,642 So you're saying we should get each other's faces 145 00:05:38,773 --> 00:05:39,687 tattooed across our backs. 146 00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:41,341 Or, just like something else. 147 00:05:41,471 --> 00:05:42,342 How 'bout a pizza? 148 00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:44,300 We each get a slice on our bodies, 149 00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:46,084 and when we're together we form a whole pie. 150 00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:47,912 A crew pie! 151 00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:49,610 Daddies, lock up your daughters. 152 00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:51,089 Brian's getting inked. 153 00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:56,791 Thank you for removing the light bulbs from the hallway, Marvin. 154 00:05:56,921 --> 00:05:58,793 We need to save money any way we can. 155 00:05:58,923 --> 00:06:01,361 Well, there's an old joke about how many dentists 156 00:06:01,491 --> 00:06:03,319 does it take to screw in a light bulb, 157 00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:04,625 but it's not for the ladies. 158 00:06:04,755 --> 00:06:07,889 This place is amazing, Jessica. 159 00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:10,239 -Yeah. -But we miss you. 160 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,849 Everyone in the neighborhood does. 161 00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:14,112 Really? Even Deidre? 162 00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:17,464 She held a moment of silence at our last HOA meeting. 163 00:06:20,554 --> 00:06:23,470 [stomach rumbling] 164 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:24,906 I'm sorry. 165 00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:27,038 It happens whenever I have NutraSweet. 166 00:06:27,169 --> 00:06:29,519 It's probably just trapped gas. 167 00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,260 Will you tell Carol-Joan that? 168 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,392 From me? 169 00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:34,306 Of course. 170 00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:35,482 Okay, well, I'm gonna see if I can return 171 00:06:35,612 --> 00:06:36,874 these light bulbs at the grocery store. 172 00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:38,093 I'll take you. 173 00:06:38,223 --> 00:06:40,400 We'll take my car so you can save gas money. 174 00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:42,532 [laughing] It's always so nice 175 00:06:42,663 --> 00:06:45,622 when I don't have to ask the thing that I wanted to ask. 176 00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:46,971 We'll be back in a few hours. 177 00:06:47,102 --> 00:06:48,364 Bye. 178 00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:50,888 [laughing] 179 00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:52,977 Whoa! 180 00:06:53,108 --> 00:06:54,588 A hot tub? 181 00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:56,546 Oh, Louis, you dirty mutt! 182 00:06:56,677 --> 00:06:58,200 You've been holding out on me. 183 00:06:58,330 --> 00:06:59,331 [laughing] 184 00:06:59,462 --> 00:07:01,508 Hey, what say we fire this cauldron up 185 00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:04,206 and make ourselves a little cannibal stew, huh? 186 00:07:04,336 --> 00:07:06,513 I'd love to, but it's off limits. 187 00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:07,557 We can't afford to heat it up. 188 00:07:07,688 --> 00:07:10,125 You can't afford not to. 189 00:07:10,255 --> 00:07:13,084 Come on, enjoy this thing before you go back to work tomorrow. 190 00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:14,434 Jessica will never know. 191 00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:17,132 When she does the books, she'll see the gas bill. 192 00:07:17,262 --> 00:07:19,569 Well, think of other ways to make up for it. 193 00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:20,875 Take cold showers for a week. 194 00:07:21,005 --> 00:07:22,877 The heating bill is the same, 195 00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:25,445 and your chest hair will be amazing. 196 00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:32,234 Who cares about a lousy light bulb? 197 00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:34,497 How do you unscrew a dental hygienist? 198 00:07:34,628 --> 00:07:35,977 [laughing] 199 00:07:36,107 --> 00:07:38,458 Hey, four out of five patients find that hilarious. 200 00:07:38,588 --> 00:07:39,937 [both laughing] 201 00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:46,466 [both laughing] 202 00:07:46,596 --> 00:07:49,120 I have to admit, these heated floors are amazing. 203 00:07:49,251 --> 00:07:50,426 Yeah. 204 00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,516 And an economical way to dry your trunks, huh? 205 00:07:53,647 --> 00:07:54,996 Turn! 206 00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:58,173 [door opens, closes] 207 00:07:58,303 --> 00:07:59,391 Jessica! 208 00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:00,567 We lost track of time! 209 00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:06,268 Hey! [chuckles nervously] How was the store? 210 00:08:06,398 --> 00:08:07,835 Good! They let me return three light bulbs. 211 00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:09,619 Louis, you used the hot tub? 212 00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:11,578 What? Why would you think I... 213 00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:14,798 Louis, I told you -- 214 00:08:14,929 --> 00:08:17,279 Heating the hot tub costs too much money. 215 00:08:17,409 --> 00:08:19,411 Oh, hey. 216 00:08:19,542 --> 00:08:21,065 I was just -- wanted to make sure 217 00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:23,938 you had enough insulation up in your attic. 218 00:08:24,068 --> 00:08:25,505 You do. 219 00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:28,508 It's time for us to go. 220 00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:29,944 [laughing] 221 00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:32,250 Ain't my first rodeo. 222 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,214 [boys laughing] 223 00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:44,741 Hey. Sorry, I didn't realize how far away my new house is. 224 00:08:44,872 --> 00:08:45,960 I had to ride through neighborhoods 225 00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:47,178 I've never even seen. 226 00:08:47,309 --> 00:08:48,571 Did you know we had a Little Peru? 227 00:08:48,702 --> 00:08:50,704 Man, you missed so much. 228 00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:52,532 I mean, Walter belched the alphabet, 229 00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:54,751 Brian went on a run about Trent's sisters, 230 00:08:54,882 --> 00:08:56,710 Trent blew a gasket. -Aw, man! 231 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,494 Hey, so should we talk pizza tats? 232 00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:00,322 Like, where on the body to get them? 233 00:09:00,452 --> 00:09:01,323 I say ankle -- 234 00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:02,629 edgy but not trashy. 235 00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:04,674 No, bicep all day. That way when we flex, 236 00:09:04,805 --> 00:09:06,720 our slices can dance to the music. 237 00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:07,851 I say we go neck. 238 00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:09,026 -Ouch! -No way! 239 00:09:09,157 --> 00:09:10,680 I want an office job someday. 240 00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:11,768 How 'bout our elbows? 241 00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:13,683 That way if we all throw in, it'll make a whole pie. 242 00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:17,905 This many limbs pressed together 243 00:09:18,035 --> 00:09:20,037 reminds me of Trent's sister on prom night. 244 00:09:20,168 --> 00:09:21,082 Okay, Brian. 245 00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:22,518 Here we go! 246 00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:25,216 Whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa. 247 00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:29,003 Thanks for meeting with us, Headmaster Royce. 248 00:09:29,133 --> 00:09:30,091 This is Emery, 249 00:09:30,221 --> 00:09:31,483 my public-school brother. 250 00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:32,789 I thought you had two brothers. 251 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,791 [laughing] 252 00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:37,794 You -- you're such a funny man. 253 00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:38,795 Two brothers. 254 00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:41,581 Well, what can I do for you? 255 00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:43,104 We're worried that the school blazers 256 00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:44,671 were made in China using child labor. 257 00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:47,630 It has intricate basting stitches along the welt pocket. 258 00:09:47,761 --> 00:09:49,850 You'll only get that level of detail 259 00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:52,504 using expensive machinery or tiny fingers. 260 00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:54,724 This is a very serious claim. 261 00:09:54,855 --> 00:09:56,508 I'll check into it right away. 262 00:09:56,639 --> 00:09:57,945 I'm glad you boys brought it up. 263 00:09:58,075 --> 00:10:01,731 Well, the school motto is "Vox Clamantis in Veritate" -- 264 00:10:01,862 --> 00:10:04,778 a voice crying for the truth. 265 00:10:04,908 --> 00:10:08,346 ♪ We face the dawn 266 00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:10,131 ♪ with brave full hearts 267 00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:11,915 We stand and face east for the alma mater. 268 00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:15,353 ♪ Boys once more and men we'll be ♪ 269 00:10:15,484 --> 00:10:20,141 ♪ And girls as well since '63 ♪ 270 00:10:20,271 --> 00:10:25,755 ♪ St. Orlando's, proud and free ♪ 271 00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:30,978 Hey, hey, boss. How's the new house? 272 00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:32,588 Far. I miss my old commute. 273 00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,329 Did you know there's a Little Peru? 274 00:10:34,459 --> 00:10:36,810 [Michael Bolton's "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You" plays] 275 00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:37,898 What's all this? 276 00:10:38,028 --> 00:10:39,639 Merchandise. 277 00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:44,513 ♪ How am I supposed to live without you?♪ 278 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,907 Mr. Bolton thinks it's gonna generate more revenue. 279 00:10:47,037 --> 00:10:49,605 Check it out. 280 00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:52,086 Now I look like how I feel. 281 00:10:52,216 --> 00:10:54,436 [laughs] 282 00:10:54,566 --> 00:10:55,655 ♪ How am I...♪ 283 00:10:55,785 --> 00:10:58,222 LOUIS: Michael Bolton's Cattleman's Ranch? 284 00:10:58,353 --> 00:11:00,660 He changed the name? I've only been out two days! 285 00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:02,400 -Hey, Louis. -Michael. 286 00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:03,401 I didn't see you come in. 287 00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:04,838 I was in the back counting cutlery. 288 00:11:04,968 --> 00:11:06,404 Hmm. I'm a little confused. 289 00:11:06,535 --> 00:11:08,711 I thought you wanted to be a silent partner. 290 00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:10,931 I did, until I thought about Kenny Rogers 291 00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:12,584 sitting on all that chicken money. 292 00:11:12,715 --> 00:11:13,890 Then I decided to get my hands dirty. 293 00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:15,805 You do know I wrote a bunch of his songs, right? 294 00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:18,416 I just wish you would've run this past me first. 295 00:11:18,547 --> 00:11:20,027 This is a lot of change. 296 00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:22,464 Oh, it is. It really is. 297 00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:25,032 But then again, so is this. 298 00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:29,036 It's your cut of the merchandising. 299 00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:31,821 ♪ Tell me 300 00:11:31,952 --> 00:11:36,652 ♪ How am I supposed to mow without you ♪ 301 00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:40,700 ♪ Now that I've been mowing you, my lawn ♪ 302 00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:42,832 Louis! 303 00:11:42,963 --> 00:11:45,139 You got a moped? 304 00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:46,836 [engine turns off]It's a riding mower. 305 00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:49,491 The yard at the old house would've been too small for one, 306 00:11:49,621 --> 00:11:50,927 but here we get to have some fun. 307 00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:53,408 I tried mowing you a "J." 308 00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:55,932 It's not great. 309 00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:57,847 We can't afford to have fun! 310 00:11:57,978 --> 00:11:59,240 Yes, we can. 311 00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:01,721 Michael Bolton gave me a big check for merchandising profits. 312 00:12:01,851 --> 00:12:04,071 We're not house poor anymore. We're house comfortable. 313 00:12:04,201 --> 00:12:06,638 No, that doesn't change anything. 314 00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:09,424 What? It was a huge check. 315 00:12:09,554 --> 00:12:11,469 I pretended it was too heavy to get out of my pocket 316 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,080 at the bank, and they thought I had a gun. 317 00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:15,430 I already factored it in when I ran the numbers. 318 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,301 How? I only just found out myself. 319 00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:18,825 It's all in the books. 320 00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:21,697 Really? Well, can I see these books? 321 00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:24,047 They burned. 322 00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:25,266 -What? -In the fire. 323 00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:26,310 What? 324 00:12:26,441 --> 00:12:28,051 It was a small fire in the file cabinet. 325 00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:30,488 I put it out before it reached Evan's report cards. 326 00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:32,708 We also lost your white jeans. 327 00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:33,970 There was a fire. 328 00:12:34,101 --> 00:12:35,798 -Mm-hmm. -In the file cabinet. 329 00:12:35,929 --> 00:12:37,321 A small one. 330 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,891 Okay, fine! 331 00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:43,763 We're not house poor. 332 00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,547 I lied. -Why would you say 333 00:12:45,677 --> 00:12:47,114 we're in financial trouble when we're not? 334 00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:49,246 Because I wanted us to buy this house, 335 00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:51,118 but I don't want us to enjoy it. 336 00:12:56,123 --> 00:12:57,341 I don't understand. 337 00:12:57,472 --> 00:12:59,779 Why don't you want us to enjoy our new house? 338 00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:02,477 I'm not comfortable being this comfortable. 339 00:13:02,607 --> 00:13:03,739 What's wrong with comfortable? 340 00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,872 We used to sell furniture with that exact slogan. 341 00:13:06,002 --> 00:13:06,786 If we get too comfortable, 342 00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:08,918 then we'll be satisfied with what we have. 343 00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:10,877 And then we won't keep pushing to be better. 344 00:13:11,007 --> 00:13:11,791 Better than what? 345 00:13:11,921 --> 00:13:13,575 And why do we always have to push? 346 00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:15,707 Because pushing is what got us here. 347 00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:16,883 And now that we're here, 348 00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:19,320 what's the point of all the hard work if we can't enjoy it? 349 00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,452 So, that's it? 350 00:13:21,583 --> 00:13:22,889 We're done? 351 00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:24,934 We've achieved the dream? 352 00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:26,980 Now we just sit around sipping Mai Tais 353 00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:28,808 and playing Scrabble while I watch you get old? 354 00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:29,896 I'm not saying we're done. 355 00:13:31,332 --> 00:13:32,028 I'm just saying that if we don't enjoy what we have, 356 00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:33,987 then we don't have anything. 357 00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:38,905 I don't even know how to enjoy it. 358 00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:40,907 Struggling is all I've ever known. 359 00:13:41,037 --> 00:13:43,257 Well, just loosen your grip a little. 360 00:13:43,387 --> 00:13:46,477 You more than anyone deserves to enjoy the fruits of our labor. 361 00:13:48,784 --> 00:13:50,612 So, if there really wasn't a fire... 362 00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:52,570 The white jeans are gone, Louis. 363 00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:53,963 Let them go. 364 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,315 I can't wait to see what Mr. Royce found out 365 00:13:58,446 --> 00:13:59,926 about the blazer scandal. 366 00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:01,710 We really shouldn't bother him. 367 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,973 I'm sure he'll call us when he learns something. 368 00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:06,497 Well, hello, boys. 369 00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:08,630 Anybody wanna earn $5 caddying? 370 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:10,371 You're going out to play golf? 371 00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:11,546 What about the blazers? 372 00:14:11,676 --> 00:14:13,287 The blazers? 373 00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:14,941 The child labor? In China? 374 00:14:15,071 --> 00:14:18,074 Yes, I haven't gotten around to that yet. 375 00:14:18,205 --> 00:14:19,162 It's my vacation. 376 00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:20,947 But you said you'd look into it right away. 377 00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:24,080 Yes, first thing, when the new semester starts. 378 00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:25,995 See that, Emery? First thing. 379 00:14:26,126 --> 00:14:28,215 [sighs] 380 00:14:28,345 --> 00:14:30,043 Look. 381 00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:31,131 It's not your fault. 382 00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:32,523 Those who can't wear the blazer 383 00:14:32,654 --> 00:14:34,656 will always try to tear it off you. 384 00:14:34,786 --> 00:14:37,006 The truth is, these public-school kids, 385 00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:38,181 they're worse than us -- 386 00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:42,055 reeking of school lunches and two-in-one shampoos. 387 00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:45,406 The other day, I saw one getting on a bus 388 00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:47,190 in flip-flops and a towel. 389 00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:50,106 I'm sorry your brother dragged you into this nonsense. 390 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,680 Let me tell you something about my brother. 391 00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:00,812 He's the best person I know. 392 00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:04,164 If he's concerned about these blazers, then so am I. 393 00:15:04,294 --> 00:15:06,818 You gave us your word you'd do something. 394 00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:09,473 Last I checked, St. Orlando is the patron saint 395 00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:12,259 of salves and tinctures, not of casual promises. 396 00:15:12,389 --> 00:15:14,348 Hoo-ahh! 397 00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:17,133 I know you're new to private school, 398 00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:20,571 but you don't tell the headmaster how to do his job. 399 00:15:20,702 --> 00:15:22,617 And you're new to brave little boys, 400 00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:25,141 because I would be ashamed to attend a school 401 00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:27,491 that ignores the possibility of sweatshop labor. 402 00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:30,625 Well put, sir. 403 00:15:31,887 --> 00:15:33,149 Best of luck next year. 404 00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:35,412 What? 405 00:15:35,543 --> 00:15:37,849 No young man should be forced to attend a school 406 00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:38,807 he doesn't respect. 407 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,417 I'm revoking your admission. 408 00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:44,378 Think of us every time you face east. 409 00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:53,953 Sorry I'm late, guys. Biking is hard. 410 00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:55,084 So, I went to the library 411 00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:56,912 and printed these out for our pizza tattoos. 412 00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:59,697 We gotta chose our style, toppings, crust... 413 00:15:59,828 --> 00:16:01,961 Yeah, actually, I don't think we're gonna do that. 414 00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:03,963 We can't just leave it up to the tattoo guy. 415 00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:05,921 No, he means we're not getting tattoos. 416 00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:08,402 I want Judaism to remain an option. 417 00:16:08,532 --> 00:16:10,752 You guys just decided this without me? 418 00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:12,536 We talked about it, and you weren't here, so. 419 00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:13,755 I'm here now! 420 00:16:13,885 --> 00:16:15,017 Dude, take it easy. 421 00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:16,714 We didn't do your idea. It's no big deal. 422 00:16:16,845 --> 00:16:18,281 It is to me! I thought getting a tattoo 423 00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:20,196 would be a cool way not to forget each other, 424 00:16:20,327 --> 00:16:21,850 but clearly it's already happened. 425 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:22,894 You know what? 426 00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:24,940 You guys probably aren't going to be popular anyways. 427 00:16:26,376 --> 00:16:27,247 Honestly, even if we did go to the same high school, 428 00:16:27,377 --> 00:16:28,900 I'd ditch you so fast. 429 00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:32,165 You can't do anything fast except eat. 430 00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:34,210 You know what? We're done. 431 00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,082 Good luck with high school, losers. 432 00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:38,954 Oh, and, Dave? 433 00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:40,129 Mail me back my Tecmo Bowl. 434 00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:41,957 Yeah, I'll mail it back to you. 435 00:16:42,088 --> 00:16:44,177 In pieces, you whiny dookie-head! 436 00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:50,009 ♪ Tell me, how am I supposed to live without you?♪ 437 00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:52,968 [reverse alarm beeping] 438 00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:57,103 ♪ Now that I've been loving you so long?♪ 439 00:17:02,499 --> 00:17:04,675 I'm sorry you lost your spot at St. Orlando's. 440 00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:06,242 What am I gonna tell Mom? 441 00:17:06,373 --> 00:17:07,983 We're not gonna let them get away with it. 442 00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:10,072 We'll take a picture of that tag and go wide. 443 00:17:10,203 --> 00:17:11,813 Once it gets out that St. Orlando's 444 00:17:11,943 --> 00:17:13,380 is covering up a child labor scandal, 445 00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:15,730 all hell will break loose. 446 00:17:21,214 --> 00:17:22,345 Oh. 447 00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:23,520 Wisconsin? 448 00:17:23,651 --> 00:17:25,087 Oops. 449 00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:28,177 You made me sacrifice my spot in school for Wisconsin? 450 00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:30,223 Anyone could've made the same mistake. 451 00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:31,224 You saw the welt pocket. 452 00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:32,573 Wisconsin! 453 00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:34,227 [muffled] I'm gonna kill you! 454 00:17:34,357 --> 00:17:35,793 This heated floor is nice. 455 00:17:35,924 --> 00:17:38,579 [sighs] It's like lying on a stack of pancakes. 456 00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:40,015 Comfortable, right? 457 00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:41,712 Hmm. 458 00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:48,284 Your middle child has something to share with you. 459 00:17:48,415 --> 00:17:50,330 Evan lost his spot at St. Orlando's 460 00:17:50,460 --> 00:17:51,853 because I encouraged him to fight 461 00:17:51,983 --> 00:17:53,550 a fictional human rights injustice. 462 00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:55,552 You lost your spot? 463 00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:56,771 It was his fault. 464 00:17:56,901 --> 00:17:58,207 It was. I'm sorry. 465 00:17:58,338 --> 00:18:00,383 I know that's the whole reason we moved here. 466 00:18:03,038 --> 00:18:06,128 Well, if that school doesn't want you, they're idiots. 467 00:18:06,259 --> 00:18:08,174 So, you're not mad? 468 00:18:08,304 --> 00:18:10,176 We'll make our own private school. 469 00:18:10,306 --> 00:18:14,049 And you'll do better than any of those St. Orlando's kids. 470 00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:16,791 We'll up your C.L.C., hire you a private tutor, 471 00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:19,359 have Grandma make you a blazer. 472 00:18:19,489 --> 00:18:21,578 We're gonna be okay. 473 00:18:23,232 --> 00:18:25,582 Group hug! Everything turned out fine! 474 00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:26,975 Nobody's angry at anybody! 475 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,455 Don't even, Wisconsin. 476 00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:33,677 [sighs] You know what this means? 477 00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:35,462 Now we can go home. 478 00:18:35,592 --> 00:18:37,333 What? 479 00:18:37,464 --> 00:18:39,205 You wanna go back to our old house? 480 00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:40,467 I miss it. 481 00:18:40,597 --> 00:18:42,556 I miss Honey and the old neighborhood. 482 00:18:42,686 --> 00:18:44,601 It was better there. 483 00:18:44,732 --> 00:18:46,777 I didn't have to try to enjoy it. 484 00:18:46,908 --> 00:18:47,865 I just did. 485 00:18:47,996 --> 00:18:51,173 This house isn't us. 486 00:18:52,479 --> 00:18:54,133 I miss it, too. 487 00:18:54,263 --> 00:18:55,264 But we can't go back. 488 00:18:55,395 --> 00:18:57,353 We already made the down payment. 489 00:18:57,484 --> 00:18:58,180 We're stuck here. 490 00:18:58,311 --> 00:19:00,226 Are we? 491 00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:04,360 Or did you forget that you're married to a real-estate pimp? 492 00:19:04,491 --> 00:19:07,189 You want to return the house? 493 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:10,845 [laughs] Sorry, we already closed the deal. 494 00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:11,933 Well, that's true, 495 00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:14,718 but you never disclosed that this house is haunted. 496 00:19:14,849 --> 00:19:17,025 My family hears voices in the walls. 497 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,635 Um... 498 00:19:18,766 --> 00:19:20,289 Houses perceived to be haunted 499 00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:22,030 constitute a "phenomena stigma." 500 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,901 Failing to disclose a stigmatized property 501 00:19:24,032 --> 00:19:25,207 allows me to rescind the sale. 502 00:19:25,338 --> 00:19:26,600 It's a thing. Look it up. 503 00:19:27,818 --> 00:19:29,472 [sighs] 504 00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:31,126 I hate real estate. 505 00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:32,519 We'll be out by Friday. 506 00:19:32,649 --> 00:19:34,129 [chuckles] 507 00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:35,739 Attention, everyone. Pack your bags. 508 00:19:35,870 --> 00:19:37,306 We're moving on back. 509 00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:38,394 [sighs] 510 00:19:50,885 --> 00:19:53,148 Feels good to be back in the old neighborhood. 511 00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:55,542 Close to work, where I can keep an eye on Bolton. 512 00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:57,457 He wants to put a veggie burger on the menu. 513 00:19:57,587 --> 00:20:00,199 Only one Bolton story a day, remember? 514 00:20:00,329 --> 00:20:01,417 Sorry. 515 00:20:01,548 --> 00:20:03,202 Evan, you need to talk to me at some point. 516 00:20:03,332 --> 00:20:04,942 We're gonna be sharing a room again. 517 00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:06,379 I'll talk to you. 518 00:20:06,509 --> 00:20:08,946 About how you're gonna get me back into St. Orlando's. 519 00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:11,427 Because I am going to that school! 520 00:20:19,696 --> 00:20:22,308 I'm going to the same high school as my friends, 521 00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,527 and they're not my friends anymore. 522 00:20:24,658 --> 00:20:26,094 I messed up. 523 00:20:40,717 --> 00:20:43,546 All right, everybody. We're home! 524 00:20:43,677 --> 00:20:47,202 See, boys? This is why you never throw out a key. 525 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:48,464 [keys jingling] 526 00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:57,343 [sighs] 527 00:21:00,824 --> 00:21:02,609 Who are you? 528 00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:03,610 Well, I'm Adam. 529 00:21:03,740 --> 00:21:05,699 My family and I just rented this house. 530 00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:06,743 What? 531 00:21:06,874 --> 00:21:08,397 Who are you? 532 00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:10,747 Oh, wait. Did you see our flyer? 533 00:21:10,878 --> 00:21:12,183 Did you find our cat? 534 00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:14,925 Kids, get in here! They found Mr. S'mores! 535 00:21:15,056 --> 00:21:16,013 JESSICA: Oh, my God. 536 00:21:16,144 --> 00:21:19,278 My worst nightmare has come true. 537 00:21:20,627 --> 00:21:22,542 We're homeless. 538 00:21:25,632 --> 00:21:26,502 Uh, okay. 539 00:21:26,633 --> 00:21:27,547 Well, if you're gonna stay, 540 00:21:27,677 --> 00:21:29,984 can you take your shoes off? 541 00:21:34,249 --> 00:21:37,034 --Captions by VITAC--