1 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:07,675 (KRS-ONE's "Step Into A World" plays) 2 00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:11,745 * Step into a world 3 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,581 * Where there's no... 4 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,683 Eighth grade done, son. I made it. 5 00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,089 (music stops) 6 00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:22,623 Can you do that again for the camera? 7 00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:23,691 (scoffs) No, man. 8 00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:24,792 And put that away. 9 00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:26,627 The graduation ceremony is over. 10 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,562 The end of another school year. 11 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:29,630 (door closes) 12 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:30,598 I have to say, 13 00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,032 I'm starting to think moving to Orlando 14 00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,134 was a good idea. 15 00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:34,535 We've been here for three years. 16 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,036 Eddie finished middle school... 17 00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:37,305 It's been a long haul 18 00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:38,872 since starting on that Wednesday. 19 00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:40,474 ...Cattleman's is going great... 20 00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:41,742 Well, pretty soon Golden Saddle 21 00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:43,043 will be copying me copying them. 22 00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:45,813 ...and I just got my biggest listing yet -- 23 00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:47,981 a house in Gulf Mist Estates. 24 00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:49,383 That fancy gated community? 25 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:50,784 Damn, woman. Right? 26 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:51,952 We should celebrate. 27 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,088 Turn on the A.C. 28 00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:55,256 (gasps) 29 00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:56,924 EVAN: Yes. O-oh! 30 00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:58,259 We're doing it, Jessica -- 31 00:00:58,359 --> 00:01:00,128 We're living the American dream, 32 00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:01,429 just like -- the landlord! 33 00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:03,264 Quick, hide your grandmother! 34 00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,065 You still haven't added her to the lease? 35 00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,434 No, it's 100 extra bucks a month. 36 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:07,401 Are you gonna pay it? 37 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,002 Move, move! Put her in the pantry! 38 00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:10,471 Go, go, go, go! 39 00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:14,007 * Fresh off the boat 40 00:01:14,108 --> 00:01:15,743 * I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go * 41 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:18,011 * If you don't know, homey, now you know * 42 00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:19,313 * Fresh off the boat 43 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,649 * Homey, you don't know where I come from * 44 00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:23,117 * But I know where I'm goin' 45 00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:25,919 * I'm fresh off the boat 46 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:27,521 ** 47 00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:29,490 Another debate team victory. 48 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,492 I still haven't heard one good reason 49 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,661 why we shouldn't have capital punishment. 50 00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:36,029 You'll never sell me on the electric chair. 51 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,666 That power bill must be so high. 52 00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,968 I have to make a quick stop to meet my new client. 53 00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:42,836 By all means, by all means. 54 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,672 Whoa. 55 00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:46,174 This place looks nice. 56 00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:49,810 Eddie Murphy's mistress lives here. Oh. 57 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,880 We've had a lot of trouble trying to sell this place. 58 00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:55,149 It's a tough market for high-end real estate. 59 00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:56,650 I'll still find you a buyer. 60 00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:57,785 (sighs) Okay. 61 00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,320 I like your debate blazer. 62 00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:00,321 The gold buttons 63 00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,190 whisper power instead of shouting it. 64 00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:03,957 It's actually my everyday blazer. 65 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:05,459 I go to St. Orlando's Prep. 66 00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,528 Private school -- Do you love it? 67 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:08,896 I bet you love it. 68 00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,564 I love it. 69 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:11,565 Every two years, 70 00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:13,734 they refresh all of the library books 71 00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,569 so the pages are always crisp. 72 00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:16,704 Girl. 73 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:17,705 For real. 74 00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,207 My mom's a librarian there. 75 00:02:19,307 --> 00:02:21,309 Did I mention they give us briefcases? 76 00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:25,246 They have uniforms, an amazing debate team... JESSICA: (sighs) 77 00:02:25,346 --> 00:02:27,147 ...a science lab that is an actual lab. 78 00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:28,716 They even line up for the water fountain, 79 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,017 unlike the savages at my school. 80 00:02:30,117 --> 00:02:34,154 (all kids shouting) 81 00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:35,389 GIRL: (screams) 82 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:38,091 Can I please go to St. Orlando's next year, Mommy? 83 00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:39,827 "Saint"? Sounds expensive. 84 00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:42,330 But I really want to be with a higher echelon of people. 85 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,765 Did you just learn the world "echelon"? 86 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:46,667 Yes, and I would have learned it sooner 87 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,068 if I went to St. Orlando's. 88 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,537 Private school is a waste of money. 89 00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,405 It's for parents who outsource their discipline. 90 00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,607 But the private-school kids call each other "Chum"! 91 00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:56,944 I don't need to pay people to push you guys to succeed. 92 00:02:57,044 --> 00:02:59,046 (sighs) I already do that myself. 93 00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,048 The Menendez brothers went to private school, 94 00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:02,516 and look what happened to them. 95 00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:03,451 Who are they? 96 00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:04,585 Doesn't matter. 97 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,620 The important thing is 98 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,922 they didn't get away with it. 99 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,592 ** 100 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:12,960 Check out my new weapon 101 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,396 against the scourge of dead palm fronds -- 102 00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:18,232 my telescopic pruner. 103 00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,967 Mm! Heh. (laughs) 104 00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:20,934 I'll tell ya. 105 00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,103 The right tool can make yard work a hoot. Hmm. 106 00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:26,139 (laughs) I've always dreamed of owning a sit-down lawn mower. 107 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:27,475 I'd cut grass, 108 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,543 reenact scenes from "Can't Buy Me Love"... 109 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:30,711 Well, do it. 110 00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:31,712 Your restaurant's doing well. 111 00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:32,713 You can afford one. 112 00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,548 My yard doesn't belong to me. 113 00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:35,549 I rent. 114 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:36,950 I can't pluck a dandelion 115 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,320 without hearing about it from my landlord Murray. 116 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,221 I can't wait to be a homeowner. 117 00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:42,923 A man should own his own house. 118 00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,124 Murray's open to selling, 119 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,793 but Jessica and I are very strict 120 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:46,994 about our long-term plans. 121 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,096 We agreed for the next three years 122 00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:51,932 we reinvest everything into our businesses. 123 00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:53,734 (Crunch) 124 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:54,902 Oh, man! 125 00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:58,272 That was Honey's favorite flamingo. 126 00:03:58,372 --> 00:04:00,474 She's gonna be P.O.'d. Aw. 127 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,343 (Door bell chimes) 128 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,112 Hey. 129 00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:06,347 Evan said he'd pay for my manicure 130 00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:07,915 if I talked to you about St. Orlando's. 131 00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:10,418 I'm an alumna -- I -- 132 00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:12,286 EVAN: Will you please hear her out? 133 00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:14,488 I know private school is expensive, 134 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,357 but we only have to send me. 135 00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,126 The "Others" don't need to know. 136 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,095 Come with me. 137 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:26,700 These...are life plans. 138 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,769 I made one for each member of the family, 139 00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,604 and I update them every five years. 140 00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:33,374 I've mapped out all the classes and experiences 141 00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:37,177 you boys need to be successful and lead good lives. 142 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,012 Emery's good at so many things, 143 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,881 so I left his career plan open, 144 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:43,817 and I focused on his personal life. 145 00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:46,854 Eddie's plan was easy because the goal was simple. 146 00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:49,490 * Yeah 147 00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,024 And here is your plan. 148 00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:55,363 I've thought of everything. 149 00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:57,865 I've already seen these boards. What do you mean? 150 00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,700 I use the garage as a cartwheel zone 151 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,569 when I want to express joy in private. 152 00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,704 But I wasn't planning on you finding them 153 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,005 for another two years. 154 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,907 You're ahead of schedule. 155 00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:09,543 And I'm ahead of everyone in my class, too. 156 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,812 That's why I want to go to St. Orlando's. 157 00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,914 I could just give you more C.L.C. 158 00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:16,049 I've already done all the workbooks -- 159 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,018 even the French one. 160 00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:20,488 (speaks French) 161 00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:24,925 ** 162 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,226 JESSICA: You have five minutes to convince me 163 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,761 why private school's better for my son 164 00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:28,896 than public school. 165 00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,534 I'll only need four. 166 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:38,372 EDDIE: Emery, that squirrel was on the porch again. 167 00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:40,207 We need to bean him in the head with your marbles. 168 00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:41,509 (mouse clicking) 169 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:42,776 Is that a Pentium II? Yep. 170 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,878 I borrowed it from the A/V club for the summer. 171 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:45,846 Check it out, 172 00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:48,215 I'm editing your graduation video. 173 00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:49,617 We are gathered to say goodbye 174 00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:52,085 [voice breaking] to the class of 1997. 175 00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,588 Whoa, it's like "Pop Up Video"! 176 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:55,923 Isn't it cool? 177 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,559 As the great Boyz II Men once said, 178 00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:01,795 "It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday." 179 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,365 (clicks) So funny, right? 180 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:08,235 Sure. 181 00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:10,103 Snack break -- You guys want anything? 182 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,238 You know we do. 183 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,742 You guys want to have some fun? 184 00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:16,276 -Yeah. -Mm-hmm. 185 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:20,313 Lou, I've been thinking about what you said. 186 00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:21,715 About dandelions? I know. 187 00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,316 I regret sharing that with you. 188 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:24,317 It felt very personal. 189 00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:25,419 No, no, no. 190 00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,120 About you wanting to own your own house. 191 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,956 I have a friend that can help you 192 00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,290 free up some cash. 193 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,893 He's outside right now waiting for my signal. 194 00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,395 Now! 195 00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:38,466 (soft music plays) 196 00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:45,773 Oh, my God. (chuckles nervously) 197 00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:46,807 Michael Bolton. 198 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:47,908 (Chuckles nervously, clears throat) 199 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,142 Um, what are you doing here? 200 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,744 Recording my new album in Orlando. 201 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:54,515 I got to be in Florida 183 days out of the year 202 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,149 for tax purposes. 203 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,586 Savvy in and out of the studio. 204 00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:00,320 (chuckles) 205 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,289 I've got a proposal for you. 206 00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:04,525 Do you know how many women would kill to hear me say that? 207 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:05,993 So many women! 208 00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,094 My wife for one. 209 00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:08,462 (chuckles) 210 00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:10,964 JESSICA: I already pay taxes for public school. 211 00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:14,835 Why would I spend an extra four grand a year on private. 212 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,003 Well, first of all, 213 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,305 St. Orlando's is a year-round school. 214 00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:20,140 No summer vacation? 215 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:21,475 I could just stick my kids 216 00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:23,143 in public summer school for free. 217 00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:26,680 Certainly, but half the kids are forced to be there 218 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,483 because they're, forgive me, "Dum-dums." 219 00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:30,818 Is that really what you want? 220 00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:32,986 Well, what I don't want is to help pay 221 00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:35,022 for your school's football program. 222 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,156 There's no football here. 223 00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,725 We teach only the "Networking" sports -- 224 00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:41,028 golf, squash, birding. 225 00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:41,995 That's great. 226 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,164 But I'm sure the teachers here are just as lazy. 227 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:45,499 Oh, we don't have teachers. 228 00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:47,635 We hire specialists in their field. 229 00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:49,336 We call them "Consultants." 230 00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:51,639 Continue. We're private, 231 00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:53,541 so we can easily fire 232 00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:55,408 any underperforming consultants. 233 00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:57,845 (exhales sharply) 234 00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,247 Did I mention that 99% of our students 235 00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:02,049 go on to Ivy League schools? 236 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,017 The other 1% go straight to med school. 237 00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:06,887 The first step to doctor-president. 238 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,557 We have relationships with all the top universities. 239 00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:11,024 We send more kids to Harvard 240 00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:12,660 than any other school in Orlando. 241 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:13,761 And with a student 242 00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:15,996 who is already academically strong, 243 00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:16,930 like your son? 244 00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:19,232 We could send him into the stratosphere. 245 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,238 The astronaut holding the camera 246 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,007 is also a St. Orlando's alum. 247 00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:31,679 One tuition, please. 248 00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:32,780 Yes! 249 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,047 Goodbye, Mommy. 250 00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:36,083 Tell the family I'll see them in six months. 251 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,618 W-We're not a boarding school. 252 00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:38,852 Ah. 253 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,894 I'll pay for everything but P.E. 254 00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:49,129 Evan can just learn tennis from his brother. 255 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:50,230 We can't do that. 256 00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:51,531 Okay, fine. 257 00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:53,767 I'll pay for P.E., but no English. 258 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,736 He gets that free from life. 259 00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:58,305 We don't offer private school à la carte. 260 00:08:58,405 --> 00:08:59,873 I'll pay the whole year up front, 261 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:00,874 but you have to give me 262 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,442 a substantial early-bird discount. 263 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,411 It's not that simple. 264 00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:07,114 First your son must be accepted into this school. 265 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:09,082 There is an application. 266 00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:10,050 Okay, sure. Whatever. 267 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,251 I'll fill it out right now. 268 00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:13,120 It's more involved than that. 269 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:15,288 We need letters of recommendation, 270 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,457 transcripts, an interview. 271 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,826 We're highly selective. 272 00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:19,960 But... 273 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,130 ...Diversity. 274 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,732 Oh, we don't have to worry about that here. 275 00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:25,666 We're private. 276 00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:28,001 So, I have to earn the privilege 277 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,303 to pay your ridiculous tuition? 278 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,406 If my son doesn't get into Harvard, 279 00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,175 I want a full refund. 280 00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,013 Headmaster. 281 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:43,684 ** 282 00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,318 You want to buy my restaurant? 283 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,920 Well, I've already conquered music, 284 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,922 and it's time to diversify my brand. 285 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:50,924 And Kenny Rogers is doing so well 286 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,860 with his chicken restaurants -- 287 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,027 so well. 288 00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:56,129 He never lets you forget. 289 00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,330 I carry this around with me 290 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,266 just to give me motivation. 291 00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:02,002 (sleigh bells jingle) 292 00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,104 Hmm. 293 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:08,008 (chuckles) Yeah. 294 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,009 Well, I'm flattered, 295 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,610 but my restaurant's not for sale. 296 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,880 I moved my whole family down here for this, 297 00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:14,114 put a lot of work into it. 298 00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,215 I built it from nothing. 299 00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:17,117 What if I come in as a silent partner? 300 00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,019 You could still run the day-to-day, 301 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,520 I'd get a stake of the company, 302 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,055 and you get a big cash infusion. 303 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:25,659 Which you can use to buy your house. 304 00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:26,660 Ayy! 305 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:27,661 Hmm. 306 00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:28,962 That does sound like a good deal. 307 00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,798 But Jessica and I have a rule -- 308 00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:32,800 We don't deviate from our life plan. 309 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,868 And it's worked out well for us so far. 310 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:35,903 (sighs) 311 00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,337 Sorry, but the answer is no. 312 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:39,372 (exhales sharply) 313 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,541 Michael, I am so sorry. 314 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,510 I don't know what happened. 315 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:45,478 I'm s-- I don't know what happened. 316 00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:46,814 It's okay. 317 00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:47,881 It was worth a shot. 318 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,549 How do you guys even know each other? 319 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,719 Oh, I did some emergency dental work on him 320 00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:53,586 during his Time, Love & Tenderness tour. 321 00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:54,822 Oh. 322 00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:56,356 I slipped on a bouquet of white roses. 323 00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:57,991 ** 324 00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,159 (computer bleeps) 325 00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,994 (laughter) 326 00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,162 DAVE: It's not funny, dude. 327 00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:04,097 (laughter) 328 00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:05,432 I always wear underwear. Look. 329 00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,836 Oh. No. Never mind. 330 00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,537 What's going on? 331 00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:12,372 We're turning your boring gradation video 332 00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:13,606 into gold. 333 00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:17,377 (laughter) 334 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:21,114 (laughter) 335 00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,084 (laughter) 336 00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:27,955 (laughter) 337 00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:29,422 Trent, I can't believe you're a Sparrow Scout. 338 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,390 That's so lame. 339 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:31,691 I know how to filet a trout. 340 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:32,926 What can you filet? 341 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,895 You know I don't eat anything that has a mama. 342 00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:36,930 (computer bleeps) BRIAN: Wait, what? 343 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,565 What the hell is this? 344 00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,568 (laughter) 345 00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:43,270 Who wrote this bubble? 346 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,437 Who thinks this? 347 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,773 No, I want to know. 348 00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:48,809 ** 349 00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:51,578 We should probably update this to include private school. 350 00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:53,146 Should I get the Wite-Out? 351 00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,615 In this family, we don't hide mistakes. 352 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,584 We look at them, feel shame, 353 00:11:57,684 --> 00:11:59,719 and never talk about them again. 354 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,288 Hey, what are you guys doing out here? 355 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,957 I'm just showing Evan our life plans. 356 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,092 Oh, great. 357 00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:06,326 You know, I was just thinking about 358 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:07,494 how well we've done with those. 359 00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:08,996 Yes, because we're very strict 360 00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:10,430 about sticking to the plan. 361 00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:12,399 Uh, we sure are. (laughs) 362 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:13,801 Never stray no matter what. 363 00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:15,402 Otherwise, what's the point of a plan, right? 364 00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,771 Right. (chuckles) 365 00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:20,607 Uh, Evan, I don't know if your mom mentioned this, 366 00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:21,775 but I did all the collage work. 367 00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,510 I didn't. 368 00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:24,644 I didn't. 369 00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:27,114 Hmm. 370 00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:31,785 You're not gonna tell him about private school? 371 00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:33,420 Not yet. 372 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:34,855 Let's get you in first. 373 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,857 If I'm gonna stray from the plan, 374 00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,425 it can't be for just a "Maybe." 375 00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:40,627 (Notorious B.I.G.'s "Mo Money Mo Problems" plays) 376 00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:43,163 Evan got a kangaroo sticker in math. 377 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,798 Does kangaroo mean "A"? 378 00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:46,599 We don't believe in letter grades. 379 00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:48,268 Well, St. Orlando's does, 380 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:49,669 so if you had to say 381 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,472 what grade a kangaroo represents, 382 00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:54,607 would you say "A"? 383 00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:56,643 I'd say a "B." 384 00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:58,711 * Can't no PhD hold me down 385 00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,047 "A"? * Cudda schooled me to the game * 386 00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,348 * Now I know my duty 387 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:02,649 * Stay humble, stay low, blow like Hootie * 388 00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:04,317 Your daughter attends St. Orlando's, right? 389 00:13:04,417 --> 00:13:05,886 As the parent of a current student, 390 00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,554 I need you to sign this letter of recommendation 391 00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:08,956 I wrote for my son. * I don't know what they want from me * 392 00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:11,691 I will if you lower your commission. 393 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:12,826 * It's like the mo' money we come across * 394 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:15,695 * The mo' problems we see 395 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,397 You're an alumna of St. Orlando's, right? 396 00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:18,832 I need you to sign this letter of recommendation 397 00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:19,799 I wrote for my son. 398 00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,534 Oh, I really can't sign anything 399 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,070 with my nails so jacked up. 400 00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:25,172 * I'm the D to the A to the D-D-Y * 401 00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:27,374 * I know you'd rather see me die than to see me fly * 402 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,742 * I call all the shots, rip all the spots * 403 00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,644 * Rock all the rocks, cop all the drops * 404 00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:33,013 So we agree. 405 00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,681 We pool our graduation money 406 00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:36,683 so we can turn this driveway into a gym. 407 00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:38,185 We'll have all summer to get ripped. 408 00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:39,686 We show up to high school yoked out, 409 00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:41,254 and people will think we're sophomores. 410 00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:43,823 I know a great preacher curl workout. 411 00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:45,258 Two of my sisters work at GNC, 412 00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,160 so I can hook us up with some creatine. 413 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,262 It's really coming together. 414 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:50,931 My step-brother has the video. 415 00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:53,100 What? I took it home last night 416 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,902 to work on some more mean bubbles about you guys, 417 00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:56,003 and he found it in my room. 418 00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:57,570 That dude is a tool. 419 00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,106 He's gonna show the tape to everyone. 420 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:01,208 It won't matter how buff I am when we start school 421 00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:02,842 if people know I'm a Sparrow Scout. 422 00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,078 People will think I want to do it with a tree. 423 00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,179 I'm ruined. 424 00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,514 I was gonna go out for football. 425 00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:10,617 I just want your support on this. 426 00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:12,352 Which part, man? 427 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,121 We have to get that tape back. 428 00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:16,256 We can't start high school as losers. 429 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,894 Royce: This is the interview portion of our process. 430 00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:23,096 We just have a few questions to ask you. 431 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,297 It's my pleasure. 432 00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:27,300 So, Evan, what's a current item in the news 433 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:28,401 that interests you? 434 00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:29,702 Sheep cloning. 435 00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:32,039 I think it would be a boon for the sweater industry. 436 00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:33,040 Who do you admire? 437 00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,308 Whom do I admire? 438 00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,479 Why are you interested in our school? 439 00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:41,114 I'd come for your blazers, 440 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,115 but I'd stay for your 441 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,883 International Baccalaureate program. 442 00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:46,419 Tell me about your family. 443 00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:47,820 They're all good eggs. 444 00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:49,589 We rent a house in North Orlando, 445 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,658 my parents run a steakhouse. 446 00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:53,293 We're just your typical American family 447 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,062 who's overcome incredible odds 448 00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:55,996 to achieve big dreams. 449 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,999 (chuckles) 450 00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:01,501 Well, that's all of our questions. 451 00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:03,003 No red flags. 452 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,237 (inhales sharply) 453 00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:05,805 We'll be in touch with you very soon. 454 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,074 ** 455 00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:08,675 (whispering) Hey, great job. 456 00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,446 Evan, it's here. 457 00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,848 It's so big! 458 00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:17,750 That means they're sending us parking instructions, 459 00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:20,353 reading lists, bumper stickers for the car... 460 00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:24,024 "Dear Mr. Huang, sorry to inform you that"... 461 00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,325 The hell?! 462 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,760 Oh, you didn't get in? 463 00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:33,033 And they still sent us these? 464 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,008 How could you not get in? 465 00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:43,343 You have perfect grades, you killed your interview, 466 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,512 and there is no way they could tie you back to Eddie. 467 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:48,115 Well, I guess they don't think I belong in their echelon. 468 00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:51,384 No. Someone made a mistake. 469 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:52,819 (knocks at door) 470 00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:56,389 You messed up, Deidre. 471 00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,658 Evan didn't get into St. Orlando's. 472 00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,460 It was your letter of recommendation. 473 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:01,794 Uh, you mean the one that you wrote 474 00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:02,795 and I just signed? 475 00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:05,865 W-- It was not a strong signature! 476 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,801 It tapered off at the end, conveying doubt. 477 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:11,371 Jessica, look, private schools are picky. 478 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,474 Unless your family has gone there for generations, 479 00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,509 or you're the child of someone who works there, 480 00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:18,345 there's really no guarantee. 481 00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:20,647 But Evan is overqualified. 482 00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:21,981 How could they reject him? 483 00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,650 Maybe it's not him. 484 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,052 Maybe it's you. 485 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:27,687 These schools don't just evaluate the student. 486 00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,356 They evaluate the whole family. 487 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:32,325 Why would my family be rejected? 488 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:33,993 We're doing great. 489 00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,695 We live in a good neighborhood, 490 00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,230 we own our own restaurant -- 491 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,266 Word in the birding community -- 492 00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,668 St. Orlando's saw you as renters 493 00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:45,072 who work in the service industry. 494 00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,173 And I heard sometimes 495 00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:48,007 you hide you mother-in-law in the pantry? 496 00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:49,509 Mm. 497 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,278 (car door closes) 498 00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:52,612 Murray, what are you doing here? 499 00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:54,114 I already sent you this month's rent. 500 00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:56,716 Ah, just inspecting my property, 501 00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:57,850 and I happen to notice 502 00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,752 that there's some damage to the driveway 503 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,221 which I'm gonna have to charge you for. 504 00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:04,023 Did you have an above-ground pool out here 505 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,058 or something? 506 00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:07,294 We did not. 507 00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:09,229 And I notice that the lawn looks a little different. 508 00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:10,463 Have you been tampering with it? 509 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,299 What? No. 510 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,134 Well, someone's been weeding this yard, 511 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,602 'cause I don't see any dandelions. 512 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:16,936 You know they help indicate 513 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,206 whether the grass is getting enough moisture, 514 00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:21,208 so someone better not be messing with them. 515 00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:23,876 (inhales sharply) 516 00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,278 You know what, Murray? 517 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:26,713 I did pick the dandelions. 518 00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:28,281 I picked 10 dandelions, 519 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,249 and I made 10 wishes, 520 00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:30,483 and you know what they all were? 521 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:31,951 To own my own house. 522 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,554 You know, you don't have to keep making the same wish 523 00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:35,822 over and over. 524 00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,424 God hears you after the first one. 525 00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:38,791 (sighs) 526 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,929 (Video plays, Tyler laughs) 527 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:49,001 Are you sure your step-brother's only 16? 528 00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:50,137 No. Tyler could be 30. 529 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,671 I don't know much about him. 530 00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:54,674 I'm just gonna go talk to him, young man to young man -- 531 00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:56,609 ask him to remember what it was like 532 00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:57,810 when he was a freshman, 533 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,146 how hard it was starting high school 534 00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:01,181 when all you have is your friends 535 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:04,117 and how I'm asking, as Brian's friend, 536 00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:05,418 for that tape back. 537 00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,420 (inspirational music plays) 538 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,655 (music stops) Well, that'll never work. 539 00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,757 Yeah, put that in the "Stupid idea" file. 540 00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:12,925 You guys are too quick with that file. 541 00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:15,795 I don't know why my "Poison him" idea is in there. 542 00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:17,964 Unless someone comes up with a better plan, 543 00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:19,199 I'm going in. 544 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,771 (door opens, closes) (laughs) 545 00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:26,939 (knocks at door) 546 00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:29,542 Mom, I don't want any muesli. 547 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,513 I recognize you from the video. 548 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:34,481 Your pop-up said 549 00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:35,815 you ate string cheese that fell in the gutter. 550 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,550 It was lying on a bed of leaves. 551 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,619 It was clean. What are you doing here? 552 00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,788 I'm one of your step-brother's friends. 553 00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,456 I'm here to talk to you young man to young man, 554 00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,292 and to ask you to remember what it was like 555 00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:46,526 when you were a freshman -- 556 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:47,960 (glass shatters) 557 00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:49,562 -What the hell? -Get the tape! 558 00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:53,533 Poison him before you leave! 559 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:56,669 ** 560 00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:01,674 Nope. 561 00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:03,210 Nope. 562 00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,045 What's this two-tone one? 563 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,547 They're all the same, Michael. 564 00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,383 Okay, let's do it. 565 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:11,584 Is my receptionist not out there? 566 00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:12,685 Rebecca! 567 00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,654 I don't care if it's not in my life plan. 568 00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,055 I can't be a renter anymore. 569 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,156 I need to own my house, 570 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,025 so I'll sell you a stake in the restaurant 571 00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:20,427 and take you on as a partner. 572 00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:22,562 And together, we'll destroy Kenny Rogers. 573 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,831 That's more your thing, 574 00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,733 but I like that you're motivated by revenge. 575 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:27,834 My wife will love that. 576 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,538 (all chuckling) 577 00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:34,841 Mom, I've had time to think about it, 578 00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,175 and it's gonna be okay. 579 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,211 I thought you said you weren't feeling challenged 580 00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:39,246 in your regular school. 581 00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,581 And I'll make that my new challenge. 582 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:42,915 I'll do extra C.L.C., 583 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,884 audit some junior college classes, 584 00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:46,185 take an immersion trip to Montreal 585 00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:47,287 to work on my French. 586 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,357 Michael Bolton 587 00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:52,225 offered me a partnership deal for the restaurant, 588 00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:53,293 and I think we should take it. 589 00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:55,094 What? 590 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,629 I know it means straying from our life plan, 591 00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,431 but we should make exceptions for good opportunities. 592 00:19:58,531 --> 00:19:59,899 I want to own our house, 593 00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:02,101 and this deal will let us do that. 594 00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,274 You're right. 595 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:10,209 Maybe we can be less strict with our plans. 596 00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:14,281 But we're not buying this house. 597 00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:19,886 We'd like to buy your house. 598 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,121 You want to buy this house? 599 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,257 But with one stipulation. 600 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,760 You get our son into St. Orlando's. 601 00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:28,995 Your wife works there, right? 602 00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:33,132 She gets our son in, you've sold your house. 603 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,767 We can work something out. 604 00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:36,669 I'm going to private school! 605 00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:38,671 I'm not in the garage, but screw it! 606 00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:41,408 (chuckles) 607 00:20:41,508 --> 00:20:42,509 Are we sure about this? 608 00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:43,910 You want to own your own home, 609 00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:46,145 I want Evan in private school. 610 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,180 Michael Bolton will get us both. 611 00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:51,418 ** 612 00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:57,189 DAVE: We did it! We got the tape back. 613 00:20:58,224 --> 00:20:58,525 Are you gonna get in trouble for throwing a rock 614 00:20:59,326 --> 00:20:59,826 through your stepbrother's window? 615 00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:02,462 Eh, if things get heated I can always fake a seizure. 616 00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:04,864 Guys, we're entering high school on a win. 617 00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,766 Things are gonna be okay. 618 00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,035 Yeah! 619 00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,375 Divorce. 620 00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:16,676 What's going on? Pack your things 621 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,010 and say goodbye to your friends. 622 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,011 We're moving. 623 00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,180 Time to make new friends. 624 00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:23,316 EMERY: Hold that look, Eddie. 625 00:21:23,416 --> 00:21:24,951 I'm trying to find the zoom. 626 00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:26,118 Ah, there it is. 627 00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:29,188 ** 628 00:21:34,060 --> 00:21:36,062 -- Captions by VITA --