1 00:00:02,785 --> 00:00:04,134 ♪♪ 2 00:00:04,265 --> 00:00:05,570 Evan, that's too much soy milk. 3 00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:10,140 [knife clatters] 4 00:00:10,271 --> 00:00:11,533 We both know where this leads. 5 00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:14,318 You add too much milk, then you'll add more cereal. 6 00:00:14,449 --> 00:00:16,059 Then you'll need more milk, and where does it end? 7 00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:18,888 But dry Alpha-Bits taste gross. 8 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:19,889 When I was your age, 9 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,499 I had to soften my cereal with rainwater. 10 00:00:21,630 --> 00:00:23,023 Emery, you only need one comb! 11 00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:26,765 But they all have a specific use. 12 00:00:26,896 --> 00:00:28,071 Pick one! 13 00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:29,072 Pick? 14 00:00:30,552 --> 00:00:32,119 Oh, no. 15 00:00:33,294 --> 00:00:35,383 Eddie, stop reading that trash. 16 00:00:35,513 --> 00:00:37,037 How does she always know? 17 00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:39,474 If I have to come in there, it's gonna be worse for you. 18 00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:43,130 But I'm reading about King Crawdad's amazing backstory! 19 00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:45,523 He's also a deacon. 20 00:00:50,398 --> 00:00:51,181 ♪ Fresh off the boat 21 00:00:51,312 --> 00:00:53,140 ♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪ 22 00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:55,185 ♪ If you don't know, homey, now you know ♪ 23 00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:56,578 ♪ Fresh off the boat 24 00:00:56,708 --> 00:00:58,971 ♪ Homey, you don't know where I come from ♪ 25 00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:00,321 ♪ But I know where I'm goin' 26 00:01:00,451 --> 00:01:03,063 ♪ I'm fresh off the boat 27 00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:05,065 The apples in here are for you, not your teachers. 28 00:01:05,195 --> 00:01:07,502 Their lives are easy enough without also getting free food. 29 00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:09,852 Mom, did you remember to --Yes, I made your sandwich with double mustard. 30 00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:11,158 And you'll return "Return of the King"? 31 00:01:11,288 --> 00:01:13,638 Emery, is your stutter back? Good. 32 00:01:13,769 --> 00:01:16,250 Your struggle will come in handy when we write your college essay. 33 00:01:16,380 --> 00:01:17,164 "Return of the King" is the last book 34 00:01:17,294 --> 00:01:19,079 in "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy. 35 00:01:19,209 --> 00:01:21,168 I got it at the library, and it's due back today. 36 00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:22,865 Oh, those books about the hairy-footed children 37 00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:24,214 who can't keep track of their jewelry? 38 00:01:24,345 --> 00:01:26,260 Yes, I will return it. 39 00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:28,044 Evan, you can't wear those sandals to school! 40 00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:29,524 You might stub your toe on a rock. 41 00:01:29,654 --> 00:01:31,003 Highly unlikely, Mommy.[door opens, closes] 42 00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:33,310 These sandals are made for climbingrocks. 43 00:01:33,441 --> 00:01:34,746 They're rock-friendly. 44 00:01:34,877 --> 00:01:36,313 You know who else thought he was safe in sandals? 45 00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:37,619 Your buddy Jesus. Change 'em up. 46 00:01:37,749 --> 00:01:41,405 ♪♪ 47 00:01:41,536 --> 00:01:43,146 The one with the cowboys. 48 00:01:43,277 --> 00:01:46,062 They both ha--The handsomecowboys. 49 00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:47,672 Mm. Sorry, guys. [chuckles] 50 00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:48,978 Big day at work -- 51 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,241 getting a delivery of three dozen racks of ribs. 52 00:01:51,372 --> 00:01:53,330 That's 468 individual ribs. 53 00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:55,332 Well, I already fed the boys breakfast. 54 00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:56,203 I got them off to school. 55 00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:57,987 Now I just have to clean up the house, 56 00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,380 do laundry, pick up the dry-cleaning, 57 00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:01,382 hit the library, and then try on my wedding dress. 58 00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:04,167 I try it on once a year to make sure I'm still the same size. 59 00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:06,169 My tux still fits, but my shoes don't. 60 00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:08,128 I can't explain it. Then Honey's picking me up. 61 00:02:08,258 --> 00:02:10,347 We're gonna go stage a house we just put on the market. 62 00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:13,133 I listed the price way too high to generate a buzz. 63 00:02:13,263 --> 00:02:14,395 You're a machine, Jessica. 64 00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:17,006 I am -- a machine with a heart, 65 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,051 a heart that pumps efficiency. 66 00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:20,096 [sneezes] 67 00:02:22,011 --> 00:02:23,186 No "bless you"? 68 00:02:25,406 --> 00:02:26,711 I'll remember that. 69 00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:31,673 ♪♪ 70 00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:34,241 You guys won't believe the magazine I snuck into school. 71 00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:35,285 Get out. No way. Stop. 72 00:02:35,416 --> 00:02:36,678 Is this really happening? 73 00:02:36,808 --> 00:02:37,853 Oh, it's happening. 74 00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:42,640 [chuckles]Yes! 75 00:02:42,771 --> 00:02:44,338 What kind of sick joke is this? 76 00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:45,339 Fish Head Jackson. 77 00:02:46,862 --> 00:02:48,124 I can't believe he's defending his belt tomorrow night 78 00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:49,343 here in Orlando, and we're not gonna be there. 79 00:02:49,473 --> 00:02:50,909 Against King Crawdad -- 80 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,042 "The Battle of the Swamp Creatures." 81 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:56,611 It's on pay-per-view, but they're charging $59.99 for it. 82 00:02:56,741 --> 00:02:57,612 [all whistle] 83 00:02:57,742 --> 00:02:59,135 Those are Toni Braxton prices. 84 00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:01,833 Big Wrestling stopped caring about the common man years ago. 85 00:03:01,964 --> 00:03:04,401 I'd love to go, but there's no way my mom says yes -- 86 00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:05,881 way too much fake violence. 87 00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:07,448 Yeah, my mom's against it, too. 88 00:03:07,578 --> 00:03:08,884 She won't admit it, 89 00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:11,452 but I'm pretty sure Fish Head Jackson's my dad. 90 00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:14,846 Yeah, I can swing a steel chair super hard. 91 00:03:14,977 --> 00:03:16,370 Where do you think I get that from? 92 00:03:19,547 --> 00:03:20,983 ♪♪ 93 00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:22,637 What are you talking about?! 94 00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:25,466 Fish Head Jackson absolutely takes down King Crawdad. 95 00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:27,424 The guy owns the squared circle. 96 00:03:27,555 --> 00:03:28,643 [quietly] Yes. 97 00:03:28,773 --> 00:03:30,862 You got to be drunk to think that. 98 00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:34,344 King Crawdad has the best turnbuckle game in the business. 99 00:03:34,475 --> 00:03:36,259 Here come the insults. 100 00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:38,435 Okay, there's a lot of things I have to be drunk for, 101 00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:39,741 but this is not one of them. 102 00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:41,221 Then you're a fool. 103 00:03:41,351 --> 00:03:44,224 Oh, I love it when white people be getting personal. 104 00:03:44,354 --> 00:03:46,574 [chuckles]Hey, boss, you gonna watch the pay-per-view? 105 00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:48,445 Oh, no. 106 00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:51,361 No way Jessica would allow that. It has "pay" in the title. 107 00:03:51,492 --> 00:03:54,364 But I love how everyone's talking about the match. 108 00:03:54,495 --> 00:03:56,497 I'm even gonna do a lunch special on spareribs. 109 00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:57,715 Ready? 110 00:03:57,846 --> 00:04:00,196 I'm calling it... "Breaking Ribs." 111 00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:01,284 [chuckles] 112 00:04:01,415 --> 00:04:02,720 Huh?[telephone rings] 113 00:04:02,851 --> 00:04:04,156 Oh. 114 00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:05,419 Cattleman's Ranch. This is Louis. 115 00:04:05,549 --> 00:04:06,594 JESSICA: No discounts on the spareribs. 116 00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:08,465 [ receiver clicks, dial tone] 117 00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:11,425 [coughs, sniffles] 118 00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:14,341 I am not. 119 00:04:14,471 --> 00:04:16,256 [coughing] 120 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,479 I don't get sick. There's too much to do. 121 00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:24,220 That's why I use this every day. 122 00:04:27,615 --> 00:04:29,225 This is white flower oil. 123 00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:32,054 It cures everything -- allergies, muscle aches, 124 00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:33,403 "depression." 125 00:04:33,534 --> 00:04:34,622 [coughs] 126 00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:36,841 Resiliency -- 127 00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:38,539 that's my fragrance. 128 00:04:38,669 --> 00:04:40,280 ♪♪ 129 00:04:40,410 --> 00:04:41,933 [doorbell rings] 130 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,372 Jessica? 131 00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:46,460 Hey, Honey. 132 00:04:46,590 --> 00:04:47,504 You ready to go stage that house? 133 00:04:47,635 --> 00:04:50,855 Let's take your car so I don't have to burn my gas. 134 00:04:50,986 --> 00:04:53,075 Are you feeling okay? 135 00:04:53,205 --> 00:04:54,729 Of course. Never better! 136 00:04:56,034 --> 00:04:57,079 Jessica. 137 00:04:57,209 --> 00:04:57,862 Yeah? 138 00:04:57,993 --> 00:04:59,647 Did you hear what I just said? 139 00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:02,040 When? Just now. 140 00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:04,042 I've been talking for the past five minutes. 141 00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:05,479 When? 142 00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:08,438 Just now for the past five minutes? 143 00:05:08,569 --> 00:05:10,962 How do I put this delicately? 144 00:05:11,963 --> 00:05:13,356 You look toe' up. 145 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,751 [sighs] 146 00:05:16,881 --> 00:05:20,102 [nasally] Hey, Honey! When did you get here? 147 00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:22,278 Apparently, not soon enough. 148 00:05:22,409 --> 00:05:23,540 When? 149 00:05:29,981 --> 00:05:31,505 [coughs] I wish you would've called me at work. 150 00:05:31,635 --> 00:05:33,768 I did call you at work. 151 00:05:33,898 --> 00:05:35,552 You heard what I said about the spareribs, right? 152 00:05:35,683 --> 00:05:37,249 Y-Yes, don't worry about the spareribs. 153 00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:38,381 They remain at full price. 154 00:05:38,512 --> 00:05:40,427 I'm talking about you being sick. 155 00:05:40,557 --> 00:05:41,558 Luckily, Honey called me. 156 00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:43,343 No, I'm telling you, I'm fine. No. 157 00:05:43,473 --> 00:05:44,692 I still have so much I need to do. 158 00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:48,086 The only thing you need to do is rest. 159 00:05:48,217 --> 00:05:51,394 I can get you an extra blanket or a glass of water. 160 00:05:51,525 --> 00:05:53,091 [snoring] 161 00:05:53,222 --> 00:05:55,572 Mm. She sleeps. 162 00:05:57,052 --> 00:05:58,358 [screams] Aah! 163 00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:02,623 Good God! 164 00:06:04,712 --> 00:06:07,367 Okay, listen up -- Mom has the flu. 165 00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:08,933 What do you mean? 166 00:06:09,064 --> 00:06:10,544 She's sick. 167 00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:11,806 But Mom never gets sick. 168 00:06:11,936 --> 00:06:13,068 Well, sometimes, even the most 169 00:06:13,198 --> 00:06:14,591 well-engineered machines break down. 170 00:06:14,722 --> 00:06:15,810 Wait. So what's happening? 171 00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,507 Your mother is sick. 172 00:06:18,682 --> 00:06:19,596 I feel like you're not being clear. 173 00:06:19,727 --> 00:06:20,902 Your mother is sick! 174 00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:22,120 [sighs deeply] 175 00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:24,384 Now, we're all going to have to dig deep 176 00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:26,037 and band together to pick up the slack 177 00:06:26,168 --> 00:06:27,299 while your mother recovers. 178 00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:30,172 Totally, Dad. Sounds great. We're on board. 179 00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:32,522 Evan, could you go get us a couple of sodas? 180 00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:33,523 Sure. 181 00:06:36,308 --> 00:06:39,747 Now, if I could just suggest one idea... 182 00:06:39,877 --> 00:06:41,313 Okay. 183 00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:43,577 [sighs] 184 00:06:44,926 --> 00:06:47,972 Now, I love Mom. We all do. 185 00:06:48,103 --> 00:06:49,974 Love her, want nothing but the best for her, 186 00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:53,282 want her to get better, which she absolutely will, 187 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,459 but until then, instead of seeing this as a bad thing -- 188 00:06:56,590 --> 00:06:58,940 which, let me make it clear, it totally is -- 189 00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:02,073 we can also choose to see it as an opportunity. 190 00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:04,598 Go on. 191 00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:05,425 Now, the fact is, 192 00:07:05,555 --> 00:07:08,471 99% of the time, Mom is watching us. 193 00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:11,431 She somehow always knows everything that's going on. 194 00:07:11,561 --> 00:07:14,477 And right now, Mom's sick for the first time 195 00:07:14,608 --> 00:07:17,393 since I've known her, which means... 196 00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:19,351 The Eye of Sauron is down. 197 00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:20,962 What? 198 00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:22,572 From "The Lord of the Rings" books. 199 00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:25,227 The Eye of Sauron is a mystical force 200 00:07:25,357 --> 00:07:26,533 that can see everything that's happening 201 00:07:26,663 --> 00:07:27,882 throughout Middle Earth. 202 00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,231 Great, yes, the Eye. 203 00:07:29,361 --> 00:07:31,233 And while we all love the Eye 204 00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:32,930 and we all want it to open back up 205 00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:34,541 as soon as possible, 206 00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:36,020 we have a small window. 207 00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:38,414 And I'm not saying to go crazy during that window. 208 00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:40,111 No. That's not what I'm saying. 209 00:07:40,242 --> 00:07:41,417 Emery, am I saying that? 210 00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:42,897 No? 211 00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:44,028 That's right. 212 00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:45,813 All I'm saying is, for this 213 00:07:45,943 --> 00:07:48,555 once-in-certainly-my-lifetime opportunity, 214 00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:50,600 we maybe do... 215 00:07:50,731 --> 00:07:52,689 one thing we normally couldn't do? 216 00:07:55,387 --> 00:07:57,128 Like order "Battle of the Swamp Creatures" 217 00:07:57,259 --> 00:07:58,478 on pay-per-view. 218 00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:00,001 ♪ Yeah♪ 219 00:08:01,698 --> 00:08:02,699 Ice, please. 220 00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:03,831 [sighs] 221 00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:05,659 I almost went with ice. 222 00:08:05,789 --> 00:08:07,269 I'm kicking myself. 223 00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:08,444 I'm in. 224 00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:10,272 Me too.Wonderful. 225 00:08:10,402 --> 00:08:13,231 Now we just need to convince our backup Mom -- 226 00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:14,537 Evan. 227 00:08:14,668 --> 00:08:16,626 $59.99 on pay-per-view? 228 00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:18,410 No way Mom would let us buy that. 229 00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:20,761 Yeah, you're right, Evan. You're so right. 230 00:08:20,891 --> 00:08:21,979 It's a shame, though, 231 00:08:22,110 --> 00:08:23,633 missing all those adults dressed like animals. 232 00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:25,635 Animals? Oh, yeah! 233 00:08:25,766 --> 00:08:27,768 The main event is between a guy dressed like a fish 234 00:08:27,898 --> 00:08:29,073 and a guy dressed like a crawdad. 235 00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:30,466 Really? 236 00:08:31,989 --> 00:08:33,730 I think a crawdad would beat up a fish. 237 00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:35,645 They have claws, like tiny lobsters. 238 00:08:35,776 --> 00:08:38,082 Too bad we'll never know for sure. 239 00:08:38,213 --> 00:08:41,303 Well, we could do a scientific experiment, 240 00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:44,436 but it's really expensive to rent a lab. 241 00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:45,873 Not to mention the tank fees. 242 00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:48,484 And good luck finding free parking in this city.Hmm. 243 00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:51,531 We can't afford to not watch this fight. 244 00:08:51,661 --> 00:08:52,749 For science. 245 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,316 For science! For science! For science! 246 00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:55,578 Okay, just so we all understand, 247 00:08:55,709 --> 00:08:57,580 this is the one thing we do while the Eye is down. 248 00:08:57,711 --> 00:08:58,886 Agreed? 249 00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:01,192 I bought us a bigger TV. 250 00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:03,673 Went from 27 to 30 inches. Your mom will never notice. 251 00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:05,675 She doesn't concern herself with electronics. 252 00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:06,894 What happened to "one thing"? 253 00:09:07,024 --> 00:09:09,461 Well, if we're paying for "Battle of the Swamp Creatures," 254 00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:11,289 we have to watch it on a proper TV. 255 00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:12,726 I agree, and honestly, 256 00:09:12,856 --> 00:09:14,466 our cost-per-pixel just went down. 257 00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:16,077 We can't stop saving money. 258 00:09:16,207 --> 00:09:17,687 Okay, I'm gonna clean this place. 259 00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:18,993 We can't have any dust interfering 260 00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:20,429 with our new picture quality. 261 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,648 You guys get your homework done, 262 00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:23,650 and then we're gonna go stock up on fight snacks. 263 00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:24,781 To the books! 264 00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:30,787 I've never him run to do his homework before. 265 00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:33,094 I've never seen him run before. 266 00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:34,617 Mm. 267 00:09:34,748 --> 00:09:36,488 ♪♪ 268 00:09:36,619 --> 00:09:37,359 Homework's done? 269 00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:39,317 Worked my Ticonderoga to the nub. 270 00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,712 Wow. Okay. 271 00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:44,322 So, your mom's been out of commission for a day. 272 00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:45,541 Before we hit the store, 273 00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:46,890 we need to make sure she's still sick 274 00:09:47,021 --> 00:09:49,153 so the Eye of Sauron stays shut for the fight. 275 00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:50,111 I mean, we love her. 276 00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:52,156 -Love the Eye. -It's the prettiest. 277 00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:53,331 Can't wait for it to reopen. 278 00:09:53,462 --> 00:09:54,855 But we need her asleep by the undercard -- 279 00:09:54,985 --> 00:09:56,813 Python Ramirez vs. Morris Silverman. 280 00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:00,556 Morris hasn't earned his swamp name yet. 281 00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:04,255 ♪♪ 282 00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:05,822 JESSICA: [weakly] Come in. 283 00:10:09,565 --> 00:10:11,045 So, how are you feeling? 284 00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:12,263 [shivering] 285 00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:13,961 Oh, you're shivering. You have the chills. 286 00:10:14,091 --> 00:10:15,136 Oh, I'm fine. 287 00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:16,659 I was just gonna get dinner started. 288 00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:18,966 Whoa, there, Mommy. You're walking like a baby deer. 289 00:10:19,096 --> 00:10:21,185 Yeah, you definitely need more rest. 290 00:10:21,316 --> 00:10:23,710 Look, the boys and I brought in everything you need 291 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,886 so you can stay in bed all day and night. 292 00:10:26,016 --> 00:10:28,062 Here, Mom. Drink this. You need sleep. 293 00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:29,759 Be liberal with that dose. 294 00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:30,978 Thank you. 295 00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:32,762 I'm sorry. 296 00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:34,721 I feel terrible. I'm so out of it. 297 00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:37,419 Oh, please. It happens. You're human. 298 00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:38,986 Now let's get you comfy. 299 00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:41,641 [coughing] 300 00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:43,643 No. You should go. 301 00:10:43,773 --> 00:10:45,645 I don't want you to catch any of my germs. 302 00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:46,776 Good call. 303 00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,866 I don't see myself washing my hands anytime soon. 304 00:10:49,997 --> 00:10:52,695 We're off to run some errands. We'll be gone for awhile. 305 00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:54,523 You know, tough out there without you, 306 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:55,829 but we'll manage. [chuckles] 307 00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:57,439 I'll even sleep in Eddie's room tonight. 308 00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:59,833 I-In the meantime, I'll turn on this humidifier 309 00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:01,138 so you can keep sleeping. 310 00:11:01,269 --> 00:11:03,750 [loud whirring] 311 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:07,188 Okay, sleep long -- uh, I mean tight. 312 00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:09,799 Y-You know, tight and long. [chuckles nervously] 313 00:11:15,849 --> 00:11:17,807 The Eye of Sauron is down. 314 00:11:17,938 --> 00:11:18,982 But let's double-check the ear. 315 00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:21,811 Jessica? 316 00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:24,814 Mom, is that orange juice pulpy enough for you? 317 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,818 Sometimes, I prefer hugs from Dad. 318 00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:31,603 Aww! Is that true? 319 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:33,823 Sure. 320 00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:40,264 ♪♪ 321 00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:41,396 LOUIS: We're not getting that. 322 00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:43,441 We're getting this. 323 00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:44,616 [chuckles] 324 00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:48,838 It's Shirley Temple time! 325 00:11:48,969 --> 00:11:49,709 Dietginger ale? 326 00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:52,755 Mom may be out of commission, but diabetes isn't. 327 00:11:52,886 --> 00:11:54,235 EDDIE: Dad! 328 00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:56,063 LOUIS: No! 329 00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:01,024 [register beeping] 330 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,941 Okay, Carmen Electra is the last thing. 331 00:12:05,072 --> 00:12:07,814 After this, we go home, quietly unpack our snacks, 332 00:12:07,944 --> 00:12:09,076 and get ready for fight night. 333 00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:10,730 [register buzzing] 334 00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:12,862 Gentle. She's a lady. 335 00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:16,300 So...put her in a different bag than the beef jerky? 336 00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:19,869 Here you go. Oh. 337 00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:25,179 Mm-hmm. 338 00:12:26,441 --> 00:12:27,268 [whispering] Hey! 339 00:12:27,398 --> 00:12:29,966 Niagara Falls, stifle those nuts. 340 00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:31,098 You're gonna wake the Eye. 341 00:12:31,228 --> 00:12:32,403 [whispers] Sorry. 342 00:12:36,103 --> 00:12:37,539 [knock on door] 343 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:40,934 Let's get ready 344 00:12:41,064 --> 00:12:43,458 to repti-i-i-i-i-i-le! 345 00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:44,676 Shh! 346 00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:47,418 Shh! Marvin, keep it down. 347 00:12:47,549 --> 00:12:48,768 Jessica is asleep. 348 00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:49,769 What are you doing here? 349 00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:51,553 It's fight night. 350 00:12:51,683 --> 00:12:52,641 Honey's actually there. 351 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:53,773 She had two tickets, 352 00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:55,339 but they won't allow me in the convention center 353 00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:57,124 since they put in metal detectors. 354 00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:59,213 Always packin'. [chuckles] 355 00:12:59,343 --> 00:13:01,911 Luckily, uh, little Evan there invited me to your viewing party. 356 00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:05,001 I bet him $50 that King Crawdad beats Fish Head Jackson. 357 00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:06,960 Yeah, everything's more fun to watch 358 00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:08,526 when an allowance is on the line. 359 00:13:08,657 --> 00:13:10,485 Evan, you shouldn't have invited anyone. 360 00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:12,008 We're trying to keep this quiet. 361 00:13:12,139 --> 00:13:13,575 Mom is in the next room. 362 00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:15,882 Let's get ready to repti-i-i-i-i-le! 363 00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:17,231 Shh! [laughing] Hey! 364 00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:18,885 You're sitting next to me, Red. 365 00:13:20,147 --> 00:13:22,105 What? At least they brought something. 366 00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:23,150 Wh-- 367 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:24,716 That's pumpkin filling. 368 00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:25,979 We're on our way to a pie. 369 00:13:26,109 --> 00:13:27,110 W-- 370 00:13:27,241 --> 00:13:31,071 ♪♪ 371 00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:33,116 Well, hello, there. 372 00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,859 ANNOUNCER: Boy, Tom, Fish Head Jackson and Crawdad 373 00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:38,295 are really going at it. 374 00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:42,604 [stifled cheering] 375 00:13:42,734 --> 00:13:44,824 He is rocked! 376 00:13:44,954 --> 00:13:46,826 Come on, Crawdad, you bum! 377 00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:48,305 Use your claws! 378 00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:56,270 Oh. 379 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,272 [whispering] Hey, Marvin. Look, there's Honey. 380 00:13:58,402 --> 00:13:59,839 [ indistinct shouting] 381 00:13:59,969 --> 00:14:01,318 [laughing] Oh, hi. 382 00:14:01,449 --> 00:14:02,929 [normal voice] The hell? 383 00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:06,106 ♪♪ 384 00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:11,807 [loud whirring] 385 00:14:15,202 --> 00:14:16,986 She left the humidifier on. 386 00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:19,032 She wanted to trick us so bad, 387 00:14:19,162 --> 00:14:21,338 she was willing to waste electricity. 388 00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:24,037 We're gonna head out. Thanks for everything. 389 00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:25,865 Great party. 390 00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:37,180 ♪♪ 391 00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:48,365 [screams] 392 00:14:51,629 --> 00:14:52,674 What are you doing here? 393 00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:54,545 What are you doing out of here? 394 00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:56,112 I can't believe you were the first person 395 00:14:56,243 --> 00:14:56,896 to sneak out of the house. 396 00:14:57,026 --> 00:14:59,637 I would've bet my life savings on Eddie. 397 00:14:59,768 --> 00:15:00,900 I --EVAN: Don't bother, Mommy. 398 00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:03,119 We know you were at the "Battle of the Swamp Creatures." 399 00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:05,078 What's going on? Were you even sick? 400 00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:07,123 Of course I was. 401 00:15:07,254 --> 00:15:09,125 I was really sick. 402 00:15:09,256 --> 00:15:10,170 [sighs] 403 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:11,823 But after a good night's sleep, 404 00:15:11,954 --> 00:15:14,000 I woke up feeling much better. 405 00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:15,349 [groans] 406 00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:20,658 Then the phone rang.[sighs] 407 00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:21,964 [telephone rings] 408 00:15:22,095 --> 00:15:22,922 [telephone beeps] 409 00:15:23,052 --> 00:15:24,140 Hello? 410 00:15:24,271 --> 00:15:26,838 Hey, sweetie. It's me. Just checking in on you. 411 00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:27,839 Are you feeling better? 412 00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:29,711 Actually, I am. 413 00:15:29,841 --> 00:15:31,931 Yeah, I slept really well last -- Perfect. 414 00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:35,064 Because I got two tickets to "Battle of the Swamp Creatures," 415 00:15:35,195 --> 00:15:36,152 and I want you to come. 416 00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:37,588 You'll love it. 417 00:15:37,719 --> 00:15:41,070 It's like a sweatier, more violent "Melrose Place." 418 00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:45,205 Those are my only two criticisms of "Melrose Place." 419 00:15:45,335 --> 00:15:47,947 Ugh! But there's no way I can go. 420 00:15:48,077 --> 00:15:49,209 Come on. Sure you can. 421 00:15:49,339 --> 00:15:51,080 Honey, I am a mother of three 422 00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:52,516 who's just been bedridden for 24 hours. 423 00:15:52,647 --> 00:15:55,824 Unlike you, I can't sit around, drinking martinis all day. 424 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,044 I'm sure the house is a mess, no one's eaten, 425 00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:00,176 and none of the boys have done their homework. 426 00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:01,525 Maybe Evan started his, 427 00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:03,527 but there's now way he could've done theirs. 428 00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:06,182 Well... 429 00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:07,531 I have an extra pair of foam claws 430 00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:08,837 if you change your mind. [chuckles] 431 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,404 JESSICA: It was a tempting offer. 432 00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:12,101 But after being out of commission for a day, 433 00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:13,885 there's no way I could go. 434 00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:16,888 I knew the house would be chaos. 435 00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:21,632 But when I came out, the place was spotless. 436 00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:23,547 You boys were doing your homework. 437 00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:24,679 I couldn't believe it. 438 00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:27,856 Why are you pressing so hard? 439 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,336 Because I write like I play basketball -- 440 00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:31,207 hard and a little out of control. 441 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:35,124 I knew if I said I was feeling better, 442 00:16:35,255 --> 00:16:38,127 things would go back to normal, and I didn't want them to. 443 00:16:38,258 --> 00:16:41,217 I wanted more time before I had to be responsible 444 00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:43,741 for everything and everyone again. 445 00:16:44,525 --> 00:16:47,180 So I snuck back in my room, read magazines, 446 00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:48,137 tried on my wedding dress -- 447 00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:50,009 still fits, by the way, knew it would. 448 00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:54,448 And then I decided to take up Honey on her offer. 449 00:16:54,578 --> 00:16:57,277 But I needed one more free night. 450 00:16:57,407 --> 00:16:59,496 ♪♪ 451 00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:01,759 [knock on door] 452 00:17:06,721 --> 00:17:08,027 [weakly] Come in. 453 00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:09,115 [door opens] 454 00:17:09,245 --> 00:17:10,768 So, how are you feeling? 455 00:17:10,899 --> 00:17:13,467 [shivering]Oh, you're shivering. You have the chills. 456 00:17:13,597 --> 00:17:15,121 It was an ice cream headache. 457 00:17:15,251 --> 00:17:15,773 No, no, I'm fine. 458 00:17:16,861 --> 00:17:17,166 I was just gonna get dinner started. 459 00:17:18,602 --> 00:17:20,604 Whoa, there, Mommy. You're walking like a baby deer. 460 00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:23,042 I was pleased to hear that because that's what I was going for. 461 00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:24,521 Now let's get you comfy. 462 00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:29,048 [coughing] 463 00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:30,136 You should go. 464 00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:31,572 I don't want you to get my germs. 465 00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:34,140 I-In the meantime, I'll turn on this humidifier 466 00:17:34,270 --> 00:17:35,532 so you can keep sleeping. 467 00:17:35,663 --> 00:17:37,273 [loud whirring] 468 00:17:37,404 --> 00:17:38,361 Thank you, Jessica. 469 00:17:38,492 --> 00:17:40,929 You are better than me in every way. 470 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,409 LOUIS: I'm pretty sure I didn't say that. 471 00:17:42,539 --> 00:17:43,584 JESSICA: Yes, you did. 472 00:17:43,714 --> 00:17:45,542 The way I remember it, you did. 473 00:17:45,673 --> 00:17:47,196 [door closes] 474 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:59,382 Then when you guys left the house... 475 00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:01,254 I snuck out, and I went to the fight. 476 00:18:01,384 --> 00:18:02,820 [sighs] I can't believe this. 477 00:18:02,951 --> 00:18:04,170 We thought you were safe in bed, 478 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:07,173 and then we see you waving your claw on TV. 479 00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,610 What do you mean "you saw me on TV"? 480 00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:11,177 We got the fight on pay-per-view. 481 00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:12,613 [gasps] 482 00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:14,310 They made me! [sighs] 483 00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,225 Pay-per-view? 484 00:18:16,356 --> 00:18:18,053 That sounds like you have to pay to view it. 485 00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:20,142 We don't pay to watch TV in this house. 486 00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:22,405 We only did it because the Eye of Sauron was down. 487 00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:25,234 You somehow always know everything we're doing. 488 00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:26,844 And it's a bit much. 489 00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:28,368 I mean, we love that you care about us. 490 00:18:28,498 --> 00:18:30,326 -Love it. -Can't get enough of it. 491 00:18:30,457 --> 00:18:32,589 Wish you were there to stop me from losing 50 bucks to Marvin. 492 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,288 But it's tough feeling like someone is always watching us. 493 00:18:35,418 --> 00:18:38,465 Sometimes we just need to, you know, let loose a little. 494 00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:41,381 I get it. 495 00:18:43,252 --> 00:18:44,384 You do? 496 00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:48,649 It's not easy for me, either, always having to be vigilant -- 497 00:18:48,779 --> 00:18:51,260 packing lunches, picking out boy clothes, 498 00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:53,306 running the house, going to work. 499 00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:57,266 So when I saw you were doing okay without me... 500 00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:59,268 I thought I could step away, 501 00:18:59,399 --> 00:19:01,270 just take a break for once. 502 00:19:02,837 --> 00:19:04,491 Jessica, you shouldn't feel like 503 00:19:04,621 --> 00:19:06,841 you have to sneak away to enjoy a night out. 504 00:19:06,971 --> 00:19:09,017 And you shouldn't feel like you have to wait till I'm sick 505 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,105 to treat yourselves. 506 00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:12,499 Maybe like Fish Head Jackson and King Crawdad, 507 00:19:12,629 --> 00:19:14,153 we can meet in the middle. 508 00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:16,242 That would be nice. 509 00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:19,245 But we would do it for real.Yeah. 510 00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:20,463 That whole event was fake. 511 00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:23,162 There's no way a crawdad would lose to a fish! 512 00:19:23,292 --> 00:19:24,380 That's what I thought, too! 513 00:19:24,511 --> 00:19:26,165 But I guess you can't apply logic 514 00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:27,470 to a sport of fools, Mommy. 515 00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:29,907 My favorite. 516 00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:33,520 ♪♪ 517 00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:35,304 All right, Mom, I'll put it away! 518 00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:37,872 JESSICA: I didn't say anything! 519 00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:39,613 Whoa. 520 00:19:46,837 --> 00:19:48,839 I don't need this many combs. 521 00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:56,412 Crap! I need more cereal. 522 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,287 Crap! I need more milk. 523 00:20:02,984 --> 00:20:05,247 Crap! I need more cereal! 524 00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:08,207 [sighs] 525 00:20:08,337 --> 00:20:09,904 Mommy, help me! 526 00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:13,081 You can handle this, Evan. I believe in you. 527 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,517 What's that? 528 00:20:14,648 --> 00:20:17,216 Mommy's French breakfast... for one. 529 00:20:19,305 --> 00:20:20,697 There you are! 530 00:20:20,828 --> 00:20:22,525 So, in the spirit of meeting in the middle, 531 00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:23,700 I got you something. 532 00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:27,878 What happened to the TV? 533 00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:29,967 I got a new one! 534 00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:31,926 It's a little smaller than the old one, 535 00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:34,233 but this one has picture-in-picture. 536 00:20:34,363 --> 00:20:35,930 Mm. [chuckles] 537 00:20:36,104 --> 00:20:37,279 What'd you do with the old one? 538 00:20:37,410 --> 00:20:39,368 Oh, well, you've been complaining about it forever, 539 00:20:39,499 --> 00:20:40,761 so I found it a new home. 540 00:20:40,891 --> 00:20:43,546 Well, this is funny. He's a loving, precious son. 541 00:20:43,677 --> 00:20:45,374 He's the one who's gonna need therapy. 542 00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:47,463 Kathie Lee sure knows how to start a day, huh? 543 00:20:47,594 --> 00:20:50,466 Anyway, so he [laughs] 544 00:20:58,344 --> 00:20:59,258 [sighs] 545 00:20:59,388 --> 00:21:01,956 Hey, buddy! I'm just here to collect. 546 00:21:02,086 --> 00:21:04,698 Oh. Gosh. Did we bet on something? 547 00:21:04,828 --> 00:21:07,440 $50, little man. 548 00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:09,355 You're not really gonna make me pay, 549 00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:11,052 are you, Uncle Marvin? 550 00:21:11,182 --> 00:21:13,489 ♪♪ 551 00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:25,022 I want those wheels to shine like Liberace's bathtub. 552 00:21:25,153 --> 00:21:27,242 Stupid fish wrestler. 553 00:21:27,373 --> 00:21:29,375 Always bet on bass. 554 00:21:29,505 --> 00:21:31,202 [chuckles]