1 00:00:02,785 --> 00:00:05,266 Hey, gang. Great news. 2 00:00:05,309 --> 00:00:06,180 Popcorn Chicken is back?! 3 00:00:06,223 --> 00:00:08,312 No, Popcorn Chicken is not back. 4 00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:11,141 A TV crew is going to shoot an infomercial 5 00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:12,273 at Cattleman's Ranch! 6 00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:13,491 Whoa, cool! 7 00:00:13,535 --> 00:00:15,189 An infomercial? What's that? 8 00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:16,973 It's like a commercial, but longer. 9 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:17,974 And they come on late at night. 10 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,280 I watch them when I can't sleep 11 00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:21,238 because of Grandma's snoring through the wall. 12 00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:27,636 How are you gonna serve food 13 00:00:27,679 --> 00:00:30,291 if there's a bunch of TV people running around the restaurant? 14 00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:31,857 We're closing the restaurant for the day. 15 00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,729 They're paying us a generous location fee. 16 00:00:33,772 --> 00:00:35,948 They're paying you to not serve food? 17 00:00:35,992 --> 00:00:38,081 I love it. Great scam. 18 00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:40,475 Some of those infomercials are so cool. 19 00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:44,131 Dad, would it be okay if I went down to the restaurant to watch? 20 00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:48,352 Hmm. Can I get my son into my own restaurant? 21 00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:49,658 I'll see if I can pull some strings. 22 00:00:49,701 --> 00:00:52,487 Oh, um, I'm actually busy. 23 00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:53,966 That's okay. You don't have to come. 24 00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:57,709 Oh,okay. I see how it is. 25 00:00:57,753 --> 00:01:01,104 This will only make me stronger! 26 00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:04,934 ♪♪ 27 00:01:04,977 --> 00:01:06,936 Where is my papaya? 28 00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:08,155 Excuse me? 29 00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:10,548 My papaya. I was saving it. 30 00:01:10,592 --> 00:01:12,724 My morning papaya is my one moment of joy, 31 00:01:12,768 --> 00:01:14,813 the thing that gets me ready for the day, 32 00:01:14,857 --> 00:01:17,599 and someone ate my papaya. 33 00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:25,911 Oh! Okay, it was me. 34 00:01:25,955 --> 00:01:28,175 I knew it! Evan, what's that thing you learned in church? 35 00:01:28,218 --> 00:01:29,263 Turn the other cheek. 36 00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:30,960 No, the other thing about Bible justice? 37 00:01:31,003 --> 00:01:33,267 An eye for an eye?That's the one. 38 00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:36,357 Hey, that's the last of the Lucky Charms! 39 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,577 You eat my papaya, I eat your cereal. 40 00:01:42,406 --> 00:01:44,365 Purple horseshoe? 41 00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:47,237 Is this some kind of a political thing? What is this? 42 00:01:51,676 --> 00:01:52,851 ♪ Fresh off the boat 43 00:01:52,895 --> 00:01:54,505 ♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪ 44 00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:56,855 ♪ If you don't know, homey, now you know ♪ 45 00:01:56,899 --> 00:01:58,205 ♪ Fresh off the boat 46 00:01:58,248 --> 00:02:00,337 ♪ Homey, you don't know where I come from ♪ 47 00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:01,991 ♪ But I know where I'm goin' 48 00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:04,733 ♪ I'm fresh off the boat 49 00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:06,822 [video-game music plays] 50 00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:08,824 [sighs] Bananas. That's all I get. 51 00:02:08,867 --> 00:02:10,434 Can't a brother get a red shell? 52 00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:13,176 Eddie, you're not gonna believe it. 53 00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:14,569 Don't distract me. I'm on Rainbow Road. 54 00:02:14,612 --> 00:02:15,831 There's no guardrails. 55 00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:19,661 Eddie, put the joystick down. 56 00:02:19,704 --> 00:02:21,315 [video game beeps] 57 00:02:21,358 --> 00:02:23,186 I just had lunch at my white friend Zack's house, 58 00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:24,666 and I saw something. 59 00:02:24,709 --> 00:02:28,235 Delicious lunch, Mr. and Mrs. Z. 60 00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:29,236 Can I help with the dishes? 61 00:02:29,279 --> 00:02:31,238 You relax. I'll just put them in the machine. 62 00:02:31,281 --> 00:02:34,371 ♪♪ 63 00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:43,728 [beeps, dishwasher whirring] 64 00:02:46,514 --> 00:02:48,211 I don't get it. 65 00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:49,865 Why would she put dirty plates in the drying rack? 66 00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:52,563 That's just it, Eddie. It's not a drying rack. 67 00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:54,130 It's a dishwasher. 68 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,045 You mean the thing we put our dishes in 69 00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:57,568 after we wash them in the sink? 70 00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:58,874 The drying rack. 71 00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:01,355 Darn it, Edwyn! That's what I'm telling you! 72 00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:02,704 It's a machine 73 00:03:02,747 --> 00:03:05,620 that washes the dishes for you. 74 00:03:05,663 --> 00:03:10,581 With jets of water that shoot on the plates. 75 00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:13,280 I'm sorry. I get emotional just thinking about it. 76 00:03:13,323 --> 00:03:17,153 ♪♪ 77 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,286 The one at Zack's house looks just like it. 78 00:03:19,329 --> 00:03:22,158 Only it had buttons. 79 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,551 Is that tape? 80 00:03:27,555 --> 00:03:29,470 [gasps] The controls! 81 00:03:29,513 --> 00:03:31,385 Super Rinse, Heavy Duty. 82 00:03:31,428 --> 00:03:33,169 Pots and Pans? 83 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,344 What are you boys doing? 84 00:03:35,563 --> 00:03:37,260 We've had a dishwasher this whole time? 85 00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:38,827 Why haven't we been using it? 86 00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:41,090 Because this family doesn't believe in dishwashers. 87 00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:43,092 It was there when we moved in. We'll never use it. 88 00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:45,268 Why not?Because it's wasteful. 89 00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:48,053 It makes you soft, and it's hard on the dishware. 90 00:03:48,097 --> 00:03:50,621 Chinese people respect their nice plates. 91 00:03:50,665 --> 00:03:52,057 That's why they're called "China." 92 00:03:52,101 --> 00:03:53,668 But --No dishwasher! 93 00:03:53,711 --> 00:03:55,931 Wash and dry dishes the usual way. 94 00:03:55,974 --> 00:03:59,500 Ooh! It has a setting for crystal. 95 00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:02,111 What a gentle beast. 96 00:04:02,154 --> 00:04:04,113 ♪♪ 97 00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:06,463 Oh. 98 00:04:06,507 --> 00:04:09,423 [chuckles] EMERY: Whoa! 99 00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:11,468 This is amazing. 100 00:04:11,512 --> 00:04:14,515 Ah, Louis.Hey, the place looks great. 101 00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:17,082 This is my son Emery. This is Reggie, the director. 102 00:04:17,126 --> 00:04:19,563 Hi, Emery. Are you here to see how an infomercial is made? 103 00:04:19,607 --> 00:04:22,871 It's so glamorous. What do you call these things? 104 00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:24,742 Uh, lights. 105 00:04:24,786 --> 00:04:27,528 [sighs] Lights. 106 00:04:27,571 --> 00:04:29,138 Okay, settle down. [chuckles] 107 00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:31,532 Oh. "The On-Gun"? 108 00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:34,926 It's "The Un-Gun." It's a Salad Shooter for onions. 109 00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:37,277 Oh. Well, why not call it "The Gunion"? 110 00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:40,715 Hey, mister, wh-where were you 111 00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:42,325 during our three-day creative retreat, huh? 112 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:45,415 [laughs]It took you three days to come up with On-Gun? 113 00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:48,897 A lot of it was, uh, you know, like, volleyball. 114 00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:52,161 Oh.And then there was a swimming party at the end. 115 00:04:52,204 --> 00:04:53,684 [New Zealand accent] Hello, hello, hello! 116 00:04:53,728 --> 00:04:56,383 Oh.You must be the proprietor of this fine establishment. 117 00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:58,472 Oh, "proprietor." I like that. Sounds fancy. 118 00:04:58,515 --> 00:04:59,473 [chuckles] Hi, I'm Louis... 119 00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:00,691 [New Zealand accent] "Proprietor." 120 00:05:00,735 --> 00:05:03,041 Tony Wonder at your service. 121 00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:06,044 Oh! I've seen a bunch of your infomercials. 122 00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:07,524 My favorite is the Dyna-Broom. 123 00:05:07,568 --> 00:05:10,397 Always nice to meet a fan. 124 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,486 [normal voice] Oh. 125 00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:15,576 "Keep it squiggy. Tony." 126 00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:16,925 Oh, thank you! 127 00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:20,320 I guess I'll just hold onto this. 128 00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:23,410 Bad news, boss. Our Salad Eater just called in sick. 129 00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:25,194 What?! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 130 00:05:25,237 --> 00:05:27,196 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh! 131 00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:28,589 What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? 132 00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:31,635 We need somebody to eat the salad and then -- Oh, boy. 133 00:05:31,679 --> 00:05:32,810 I have an idea. 134 00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:34,551 Why doesn't Louis play our Salad Eater? 135 00:05:34,595 --> 00:05:36,423 Really, me?Really, him? 136 00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:37,598 REGGIE: Wait a minute. Yeah. 137 00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:41,036 No. I -- Hold on. 138 00:05:41,079 --> 00:05:43,647 Yeah. Yes. 139 00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:45,867 Yeah! I like it. 140 00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:47,477 Yeah, yeah.All right. 141 00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:50,611 Huzzah! This calls for a souvenir. 142 00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:52,221 Oh, no. I-I-I-I -- 143 00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:54,658 "Welcome to the cast, Louie baby." 144 00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:56,399 [chuckles] Well, thank you. 145 00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,967 Now we don't have to fight over just the one. 146 00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:00,229 Let's go. 147 00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:03,232 ♪♪ 148 00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:06,278 [whirring] 149 00:06:10,326 --> 00:06:13,590 ♪♪ 150 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,603 ♪♪ 151 00:06:31,869 --> 00:06:33,480 It's warm. 152 00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:37,527 Disobedience. 153 00:06:41,575 --> 00:06:43,272 ♪ Man, the panic, funkmode 154 00:06:43,315 --> 00:06:45,013 ♪ Mechanical mix flows 155 00:06:45,056 --> 00:06:47,058 ♪ Competition in my dojo 156 00:06:47,102 --> 00:06:48,103 ♪ In my dojo 157 00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:49,365 ♪ In my dojo 158 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,933 ♪ In my do-- [music stops, door opens] 159 00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:55,284 Eddie, I specifically told you not to use the dishwasher. 160 00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:57,329 I didn't! Then why are the plates warm? 161 00:06:57,373 --> 00:06:59,114 It's Florida. Everything's warm. 162 00:06:59,157 --> 00:07:00,681 [huffs] 163 00:07:00,724 --> 00:07:03,510 Okay. Maybe someone used the dishwasher, but it wasn't me. 164 00:07:03,553 --> 00:07:06,730 I wash dishes by hand, the stupid way. 165 00:07:06,774 --> 00:07:08,123 Let me see your hands. 166 00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:09,124 If your fingers look like raisins, 167 00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:10,473 I'll know you're telling the truth. 168 00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:13,520 They were wrinkly before, but they plumped already. 169 00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:17,741 I know what's going on here -- I'm being profiled! 170 00:07:17,785 --> 00:07:19,264 Profiled? 171 00:07:19,308 --> 00:07:20,483 Every time something bad happens, 172 00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:22,050 you assume I'm the one who did it. 173 00:07:22,093 --> 00:07:24,356 I'm a victim of institutional bias. 174 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,663 What? How do you know these words? 175 00:07:26,707 --> 00:07:29,753 Oh, I can't know things?! Another assumption. 176 00:07:29,797 --> 00:07:31,625 No allowance, three weeks. 177 00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:35,106 I'm not paying you to do chores that a machine is doing for you. 178 00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:36,934 But I was saving up to buy an N64 179 00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:39,284 and play "GoldenEye" the day it comes out. 180 00:07:39,328 --> 00:07:41,373 Oddjob's gonna bust a cap in some fools. 181 00:07:41,417 --> 00:07:43,114 Hearing what you want to do with that money 182 00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:44,899 only makes me know I'm doing the right thing. 183 00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:47,075 You're stressing me out. I need to eat. 184 00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:48,859 ♪♪ 185 00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:49,773 [sighs] 186 00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:54,474 [spritzing] 187 00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:58,695 Okay, Louis, are you ready to eat some salad? 188 00:07:58,739 --> 00:08:00,349 Call me the Titanic, 189 00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:01,785 'cause I'm about to tear into some iceberg. 190 00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:03,439 Great. 191 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,529 So, for this first shot, Tony's gonna demonstrate the Un-Gun. 192 00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:08,749 And then he'll ask, "And how does it work on those salads?" 193 00:08:08,792 --> 00:08:10,751 At which point, we will pan over to you, 194 00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:12,404 and you're gonna say your line, which is, 195 00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:14,450 "Onions, shallots, scallions -- It does it all!" 196 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,538 And then you eat some salad. 197 00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:17,192 Got it. [chuckles] 198 00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:19,716 Hey, um, that thing I said about the Titanicearlier, 199 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,588 I didn't mean to offend anyone. 200 00:08:21,631 --> 00:08:23,154 That was a huge tragedy. 201 00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:25,548 All right. Places everyone! Here we go. 202 00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:27,724 Hi, Dad. I just wanted to wish you good luck. 203 00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:30,379 Uhp. In showbiz, we say "break a leg." 204 00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:32,468 Wishing someone good luck is actually bad luck. 205 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,687 Good to know. Hmm. 206 00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:35,689 I'm surprised how calm you are. 207 00:08:35,732 --> 00:08:37,734 If I were in your shoes, I'd be so nervous. 208 00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:39,693 Nervous? Why? 209 00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:42,957 This infomercial is gonna be seen by hundreds of people, 210 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,915 every one of them dissecting your performance, 211 00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:47,135 wondering, "Why this guy? 212 00:08:47,178 --> 00:08:49,790 Why does heget to be the Salad Eater?" 213 00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:51,531 It's like they're setting you up for failure. 214 00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:54,185 Okay. Break all your legs! 215 00:08:54,229 --> 00:08:56,579 REGGIE: And let's roll cameras. 216 00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:59,756 MAN: Rolling. 217 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,453 REGGIE: And...action! 218 00:09:01,497 --> 00:09:02,846 The Un-Gun. 219 00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:05,022 It's so easy, the only thing you'll be crying about 220 00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:06,676 is not getting one sooner. 221 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:10,375 [laughs][motor whirs] 222 00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:13,291 And how does it work on that salad? 223 00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:16,860 Onions, shallions, scallots -- It does all of them! 224 00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:17,861 Okay, cut.[bell rings] 225 00:09:17,905 --> 00:09:19,428 [chuckles] How was that? 226 00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:21,299 Uh, you just mixed up some of the words. 227 00:09:21,343 --> 00:09:23,867 The line is, "Onions, shallots, scallions -- It does it all." 228 00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:25,390 What did I say? 229 00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:26,957 You said something different, but it doesn't matter. 230 00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:28,742 Let's do it again. Let's, uh, roll camera. 231 00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:31,005 MAN: Rolling. 232 00:09:31,048 --> 00:09:32,049 And...action! 233 00:09:32,093 --> 00:09:34,704 And how does it work on that salad? 234 00:09:34,748 --> 00:09:37,620 Onions, shillions, skillets -- It does them all! 235 00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:39,056 Cut. 236 00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:41,885 Onions, shallots, Sicilians -- It does them all! 237 00:09:41,929 --> 00:09:43,626 Okay, cut. 238 00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:47,064 Onions, garlic, galleons -- It does them all! 239 00:09:47,108 --> 00:09:49,414 Onions, onions, onions... 240 00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:51,199 And cut. Cut, cut, cut....onions, onions. 241 00:09:51,242 --> 00:09:52,330 Louis. What? 242 00:09:52,374 --> 00:09:55,290 Onions, scallions, shallots. It do... 243 00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:57,553 [laughs] "It do." 244 00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:00,817 [muffled] Onions, scallions, shallots -- It does them all! 245 00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:04,429 Oh! I'm supposed to eat after the line. Sorry. 246 00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:07,868 Onions, shallions...Kyle, you're in the sho-- 247 00:10:07,911 --> 00:10:09,434 Onions, shal-- Oop! 248 00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:11,785 Oh, I got dressing on my sleeve. 249 00:10:11,828 --> 00:10:15,919 Onions, shallots, scallions. 250 00:10:15,963 --> 00:10:17,878 Line? 251 00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:19,923 Cut. 252 00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:22,056 Forget it.Louis, I'm so tired. 253 00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:23,535 [sighs] 254 00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:26,277 ♪♪ 255 00:10:26,321 --> 00:10:27,888 [whispers] Good tea. 256 00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:29,237 Why are you whispering? 257 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,892 I'm saving my voice for the infomercial tomorrow. 258 00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:33,850 You're not done yet? You were there till midnight. 259 00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:36,026 [normal voice] I had a little trouble getting the line. 260 00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,506 But they said it was no big deal. 261 00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:38,899 We just have to shoot again tomorrow. 262 00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:41,858 Which means an extra day of location fees. 263 00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:45,688 You okay? I thought you would be excited about that. 264 00:10:45,732 --> 00:10:47,690 I'm just worried about Eddie. 265 00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:48,909 What's wrong? 266 00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:51,085 Today, I told him not to use the dishwasher, 267 00:10:51,128 --> 00:10:52,521 and he did it anyway. 268 00:10:52,564 --> 00:10:54,349 We have a dishwasher? 269 00:10:54,392 --> 00:10:57,744 Then he has the nerve to look me in the eye and lie about it. 270 00:10:57,787 --> 00:11:00,921 Hmm.Eddie has always been... 271 00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:05,403 colorful, but I'm just starting to worry. 272 00:11:05,447 --> 00:11:06,883 Are we raising a bad kid? 273 00:11:06,927 --> 00:11:09,538 [sighs] No way. Eddie's got a good heart. 274 00:11:09,581 --> 00:11:11,932 He's probably just excited to try out the machine, 275 00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:13,281 which apparently we have. 276 00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:14,978 You're probably right. 277 00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:16,458 Don't worry. He'll be fine. 278 00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:22,029 [Grandma Huang snoring] 279 00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:32,082 [whispering] Could you yell at my mom to turn on her side? 280 00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:35,912 I'd do it, but... my instrument. 281 00:11:38,349 --> 00:11:39,873 ♪♪ 282 00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:41,178 That dishwasher 283 00:11:41,222 --> 00:11:42,919 should never have been connected in the first place. 284 00:11:42,963 --> 00:11:44,921 Who knows how much water has been wasted 285 00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,531 dripping into those hoses? 286 00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:48,969 It must have cost us a fortune in drips. 287 00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:50,971 You know who's a drip? Ziggy. 288 00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:52,450 It's like, "Put on some pants." 289 00:11:53,974 --> 00:11:57,891 There. You now have a nonfunctioning dishwasher. 290 00:11:57,934 --> 00:12:01,633 Thank you. Now this machine won't make us soft. 291 00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:09,163 [telephone rings] 292 00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:10,904 Hello? 293 00:12:10,947 --> 00:12:11,948 What?! 294 00:12:11,992 --> 00:12:14,429 ♪♪ 295 00:12:14,472 --> 00:12:15,604 Where's the manager? 296 00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:17,867 [door opens] 297 00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:19,434 Where is he?! 298 00:12:19,477 --> 00:12:20,870 Who? 299 00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:24,047 My son! You called and said you caught him shoplifting. 300 00:12:24,091 --> 00:12:25,832 Uh, that -- that wasn't me. 301 00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:27,877 Isn't this Razorshank Records? 302 00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:29,444 It is. 303 00:12:29,487 --> 00:12:32,882 We have another location in the mall. 304 00:12:32,926 --> 00:12:36,930 ♪♪ 305 00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,148 [sighs] 306 00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:39,715 You need to be clearer on the phone. 307 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,717 And you are in big trouble. 308 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,284 [telephone rings] 309 00:12:43,327 --> 00:12:45,808 Razorshank Records... 310 00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:47,636 Mall location. 311 00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:56,819 And that's when I found this CD 312 00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:58,212 tucked into his waistband. 313 00:12:58,255 --> 00:12:59,387 Eddie, what were you thinking? 314 00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:00,954 I know what he wasn't thinking -- 315 00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:02,956 all stolen merchandise comes out of Howie's paycheck. 316 00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:04,653 But you know who does think about that? 317 00:13:04,696 --> 00:13:07,656 Howie. Howie thinks about it all the time. 318 00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:11,225 I'm Howie, if that wasn't clear. 319 00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:13,880 I swear, I didn't steal that CD! 320 00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:14,837 I brought it from home. 321 00:13:14,881 --> 00:13:16,665 This place buys used CDs, 322 00:13:16,708 --> 00:13:18,319 and since you took away my allowance, 323 00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:20,712 I was gonna sell my old "Street Fighter" soundtrack 324 00:13:20,756 --> 00:13:22,410 for some extra skrill.Oh, really? 325 00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:23,933 If you weren't stealing, 326 00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:25,892 then why was this tucked into your waistband? 327 00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:27,894 Because my pockets were full of Runts candy. 328 00:13:27,937 --> 00:13:29,983 Okay. Let's see this candy.I ate it on the way over here. 329 00:13:30,026 --> 00:13:33,116 That's what they're for. They're my traveling Runts. 330 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,640 You even ate the bananas? Yeah, right. 331 00:13:35,684 --> 00:13:38,513 Howie, I am so sorry about all of this. 332 00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:40,950 He's gonna be in big trouble when he gets home. 333 00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:42,169 Oh, he's going to jail. 334 00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:43,997 What? 335 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,999 It's corporate policy to prosecute shoplifters 336 00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:47,696 to the fullest extent of the law. 337 00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:49,872 Corporate policy? 338 00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:50,917 Your logo is a man slapping a cop! 339 00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:55,095 Maybe there's a bee on his face. 340 00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:56,923 We see what we want to see. 341 00:13:56,966 --> 00:13:59,926 ♪♪ 342 00:13:59,969 --> 00:14:03,059 Red leather, yellow leather. 343 00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:05,714 La, la, la, la, la, la. Hey.Hey, Dad. 344 00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:07,759 Emery, I've been practicing all morning 345 00:14:07,803 --> 00:14:09,239 and I think I finally got it. 346 00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:12,242 Onions, shallots, scallions -- It does them -- 347 00:14:12,286 --> 00:14:14,941 Yeah, about that. I've got bad news. 348 00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:17,030 They want someone else to play the Salad Eater. 349 00:14:17,073 --> 00:14:19,032 What? Who? 350 00:14:19,075 --> 00:14:20,903 Emery, we're ready for you. 351 00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:22,905 You're the new Salad Eater? 352 00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:24,254 I happened to be walking by 353 00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:25,952 and heard them saying they were gonna recast you. 354 00:14:25,995 --> 00:14:28,128 Then the director looked at me through his fingers, 355 00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:30,043 and next thing I knew, I had the part. 356 00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:32,567 That doesn't even make sense. Kids hate salad. 357 00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:33,568 Not Danny Winterbottom. 358 00:14:33,611 --> 00:14:35,309 Who's Danny Winterbottom? 359 00:14:35,352 --> 00:14:37,137 My character. 360 00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:39,791 He loves salad because he was raised on a lettuce farm. 361 00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:42,098 Growing up, his mom would give him salad as a treat. 362 00:14:42,142 --> 00:14:44,579 Oh, I see what's going on here. 363 00:14:44,622 --> 00:14:48,539 Making me nervous about being on TV, wishing me luck. 364 00:14:48,583 --> 00:14:51,064 You were sabotaging me from the start. 365 00:14:51,107 --> 00:14:52,282 I don't feel bad. 366 00:14:52,326 --> 00:14:53,805 When I found out what the lights were, 367 00:14:53,849 --> 00:14:55,764 I knew I wanted to be in front of them. 368 00:14:55,807 --> 00:15:00,377 Sorry, Dad. It's "infomercial," not "friend-mercial." 369 00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:05,339 ♪♪ 370 00:15:05,382 --> 00:15:07,645 Sorry how this all went down. 371 00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:10,431 Please accept this consolation bobblehead. 372 00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:14,000 We're both sorry. Aren't we, little Tony? 373 00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:15,871 Yeah. 374 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,743 ♪♪ 375 00:15:18,787 --> 00:15:20,832 Do you really think if I were to steal a CD, 376 00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:22,965 it would be the "Street Fighter" soundtrack? 377 00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:24,401 "Makaveli" just came out. 378 00:15:24,445 --> 00:15:26,534 "Life After Death" just came out. 379 00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:29,102 Why would I shoplift a two-year-old soundtrack 380 00:15:29,145 --> 00:15:31,104 from a movie about a video game? 381 00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:33,236 You'd be amazed at what people try to steal. 382 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:34,977 Last week, my mom made us snickerdoodles 383 00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,196 to celebrate the end of Lent. 384 00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:37,414 Gone. 385 00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:40,026 Boss, the new Spice Girls CD isn't ringing up. 386 00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:43,116 The line out front has gone from Baby to Scary. 387 00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:45,770 Excuse me. I have to deal with this. 388 00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:46,989 Don't go anywhere. 389 00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,473 I can't believe you stole. 390 00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:54,649 I told you, I'm not a thief.That's what you say. 391 00:15:54,692 --> 00:15:57,173 But after what happened with the dishwasher, how can I believe you? 392 00:15:57,217 --> 00:15:58,609 [sighs] 393 00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:00,176 All right. I admit it. I used the dishwasher. 394 00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:01,351 Aha! 395 00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,919 And I did lie about it, but I didn't steal the CD. 396 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,007 That's the truth. 397 00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:07,705 I knew it. I knew you were lying all along, 398 00:16:07,749 --> 00:16:10,143 about the dishwasher, eating my papaya. 399 00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:13,015 Oh, I didn't eat your papaya. Papayas are gross. 400 00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:16,149 Those slimy black seeds? Ugh! Hard pass. 401 00:16:16,192 --> 00:16:18,281 Well, if you didn't eat my papaya, who did? 402 00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:20,283 I don't want to say. 403 00:16:20,327 --> 00:16:21,458 Eddie, tell me! 404 00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:23,025 I can't. I live by a code. 405 00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:24,418 Howie, put him in jail! 406 00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:26,159 Fine. 407 00:16:26,202 --> 00:16:27,464 It was Evan. 408 00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:29,727 Evan? Really? 409 00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:31,077 It wasn't his fault. 410 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,513 He didn't mean to eat your breakfast. 411 00:16:32,556 --> 00:16:34,297 He just has a weakness for tropical fruit. 412 00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:37,605 He also has a clean record, so I took the fall for him. 413 00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:40,303 I mean, what's another papaya on my rap sheet? 414 00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:44,699 You mean you sat and watched me eat your Irish elf cereal 415 00:16:44,742 --> 00:16:47,876 just so your little brother wouldn't get into trouble? 416 00:16:47,919 --> 00:16:49,660 Yeah. Of course. 417 00:16:49,704 --> 00:16:53,708 ♪♪ 418 00:16:53,751 --> 00:16:56,102 Uh, Mom, are you okay? 419 00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:58,104 [chuckles] 420 00:16:58,147 --> 00:16:59,757 I'm proud of you, Eddie. 421 00:16:59,801 --> 00:17:02,282 Really? So you're not mad that I lied? 422 00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:03,413 No, I'm not mad. 423 00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:05,720 So, you're saying sometimes it's good to lie? 424 00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:08,288 No. Don't make me mad again. 425 00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:09,071 You lied about us having a dishwasher. 426 00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:10,855 Isn't that hypocritical? 427 00:17:10,899 --> 00:17:13,293 Eddie, there is something called a "white lie." 428 00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:15,208 And that is a lie that protects you 429 00:17:15,251 --> 00:17:17,123 from all the things that make white people soft. 430 00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:20,474 ♪♪ 431 00:17:23,955 --> 00:17:25,131 Emery, you were here yesterday, 432 00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:26,784 so you know what we're going for. 433 00:17:26,828 --> 00:17:28,177 Yep. I got it. 434 00:17:28,221 --> 00:17:30,440 Okay. Let's roll! 435 00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:34,314 An Asian boy named Winterbottom. Okay, sure, all right. 436 00:17:34,357 --> 00:17:37,360 And...action! 437 00:17:37,404 --> 00:17:39,188 The Un-Gun is so easy to use, 438 00:17:39,232 --> 00:17:42,235 the only thing you'll be crying about is not getting one sooner. 439 00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:44,759 [motor whirs] 440 00:17:44,802 --> 00:17:48,110 And how does it work on that salad? 441 00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:52,201 Onions, shallots, scallions -- It does them all! 442 00:17:52,245 --> 00:17:54,899 Yeah, great, but can you do it without all the blinking? 443 00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:56,205 What blinking? 444 00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:57,511 Cut.[bell rings] 445 00:17:57,554 --> 00:18:00,122 Dustin, could you get me a hot tea and six cyanide capsules? 446 00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:01,819 Uh, let me talk to him. 447 00:18:03,038 --> 00:18:06,128 Dad, did you see the blinking they were talking about? 448 00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:07,912 Do you think the camera's picking it up? 449 00:18:07,956 --> 00:18:09,610 Yeah, I do. 450 00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:11,786 I guess I'm more nervous than I thought I'd be. 451 00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:13,266 It's okay. You can do this. 452 00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:16,007 Yes, I was a little upset when I heard about the recast, 453 00:18:16,051 --> 00:18:18,923 but if it can't be me, I'm happy it's you. 454 00:18:18,967 --> 00:18:22,144 Salad Eater is the second role you were born to play. 455 00:18:22,188 --> 00:18:23,537 What was the first? 456 00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:25,147 Fantastic son. 457 00:18:25,191 --> 00:18:28,498 Thanks, Dad. 458 00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:30,413 I understand now. 459 00:18:30,457 --> 00:18:32,241 You're trying to throw me off my game, 460 00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:34,504 make me think my mediocre performance is fine 461 00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:36,332 so I don't strive to be the best. 462 00:18:36,376 --> 00:18:37,986 Well, it's not going to work. 463 00:18:38,029 --> 00:18:39,248 What? No -- 464 00:18:39,292 --> 00:18:41,772 Get out of my eyeline. 465 00:18:42,991 --> 00:18:44,123 Let's shoot this thing! 466 00:18:46,037 --> 00:18:48,562 [sighs] 467 00:18:50,825 --> 00:18:53,262 Well, that Spice Girls line was a total nightmare. 468 00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:56,178 A lot more middle-aged men than I thought. [chuckles] 469 00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:57,962 Where were we? Oh, right. 470 00:18:58,006 --> 00:19:00,617 I was just about to press charges against your boy. 471 00:19:00,661 --> 00:19:02,184 You will do no such thing. 472 00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:05,361 I believe my son. He didn't steal that CD. 473 00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:06,667 Well, that's nice you believe him, 474 00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:08,408 but there's still no way of knowing 475 00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:09,583 whether the CD is really his or if he stole it. 476 00:19:09,626 --> 00:19:11,062 I'm gonna call the police. 477 00:19:11,106 --> 00:19:14,414 16 seconds!What? 478 00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:16,198 That's the exact moment it skips on track 8. 479 00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:18,418 I know that because it's my CD. 480 00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:20,507 What have we here? A boom-boom box. 481 00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:23,423 Play it. 482 00:19:29,472 --> 00:19:30,473 I have to fast-forward a bit. 483 00:19:30,517 --> 00:19:32,649 Hold down the right arrow button. 484 00:19:32,693 --> 00:19:33,607 Hold it down. 485 00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:35,870 I'm doing it. There! There. 486 00:19:35,913 --> 00:19:37,437 ♪ Mechanical mix flows 487 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,221 ♪ Competition in my dojo 488 00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:40,222 ♪ In my dojo 489 00:19:40,266 --> 00:19:41,615 ♪ In my dojo 490 00:19:41,658 --> 00:19:43,356 ♪ In my dojo If the CD skips, you must acquit. 491 00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:46,272 ♪ In my dojo, in my doj-- I guess it is yours. My mistake. 492 00:19:46,315 --> 00:19:48,056 "My mistake"? That's it? 493 00:19:48,099 --> 00:19:51,625 You falsely accused my son of being a thief! 494 00:19:51,668 --> 00:19:53,322 You need to make this right. 495 00:19:53,366 --> 00:19:54,584 How would I do that? 496 00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:57,500 You're gonna buy back his music disc at full price. 497 00:19:57,544 --> 00:20:01,374 Or else I will tell everyone that your store profiles Asians. 498 00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:03,506 Institutional bias. 499 00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:05,813 But it's a "Street Fighter" soundtrack from two years ago, 500 00:20:05,856 --> 00:20:07,597 a-and it skips. No one's gonna buy it. 501 00:20:07,641 --> 00:20:09,164 Eddie, what's that sound like to you? 502 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,905 Not our problem. 503 00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:13,647 Fine. 504 00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:16,650 ♪♪ 505 00:20:19,087 --> 00:20:20,393 Who pays for it? 506 00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:23,265 Howie does. Always Howie. 507 00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:24,179 ♪ Yeah 508 00:20:29,184 --> 00:20:30,751 They said the infomercial will air 509 00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:32,666 sometime between 3:00 and 6:00 a.m. 510 00:20:32,709 --> 00:20:34,276 Mom, will you pass the popcorn? 511 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,714 You're hungry? I'm surprised you're not full of papaya. 512 00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:40,630 I said I was sorry. Can't a boy have a hankering? 513 00:20:40,674 --> 00:20:42,676 I can't believe you're gonna be on TV, Emery. 514 00:20:42,719 --> 00:20:46,070 Thanks, Eddie. I'm glad somebody'shappy about it. 515 00:20:46,114 --> 00:20:49,291 [sighs] I told you, I wasn't trying to sabotage you. 516 00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:51,772 Hmm. Finally, some good acting. 517 00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:58,169 ANNOUNCER: Tired of chopped onions turning you into a whiny crybaby? 518 00:20:58,213 --> 00:20:59,910 [baby cries] 519 00:20:59,954 --> 00:21:03,566 Are you a dumb idiot, wasting everyone's time and money, 520 00:21:03,610 --> 00:21:05,089 cutting onions the old-fashioned way? 521 00:21:05,133 --> 00:21:06,439 Uh, duh. 522 00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:09,529 Presenting a better way. 523 00:21:09,572 --> 00:21:11,226 Hi. Tony Wonder here 524 00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,576 with a miracle machine that makes chopping onions 525 00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:15,491 as easy as pulling the trigger. 526 00:21:15,535 --> 00:21:17,145 It's called... 527 00:21:17,188 --> 00:21:18,407 "The Gunion." 528 00:21:20,148 --> 00:21:22,150 They stole my name! 529 00:21:26,502 --> 00:21:28,374 [laughs] 530 00:21:31,246 --> 00:21:34,945 --Captions by VITAC--